Pretty Little Liars S05 E15 – Weird or bad acting?

Previously: Mona had a funeral and Ali goes to jail.
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Fresh Meat

Marines: Prison or something. Officer Toby walks up to the front desk and shiftily hands the lady something from Lieutenant Tanner. He hangs around, though, after he’s completed this task so I’m not sure if we’re supposed to understand that Tanner didn’t really send him or that he’s horrible at dropping papers off. (S: It was the weirdest. Why is the acting direction always “make this mundane task as disconcerting as possible”?)(J: Maybe he’s just been in this show so long he doesn’t know how to NOT do it that way.)

As he’s leaving, Toby sees Ali in her orange jump suit. She’s got bruises on her arms and dark circles under her eyes. Ali tells Toby that the girls need to stop ignoring her. Jail is horrible, and Toby should know how bad it is to be in a cage for something you didn’t do. Toby says he remembers, but he also remembers whose words got him put in jail in the first place. BURN, ‘CAUSE IT WAS ALI. Alison says that maybe the Pretty Liars will get it when they are chained up next to her because they are next. Either that or A is going to kill them.

SHHHHHH.

Officer Toby is casually hanging out at Rosewood High in the morning. He’s presumably filled the Liars in on Ali’s creepy talk. They all think that Ali’s clearly got some A-helpers on the outside, since they just saw Ali’s fireworks display last episode, even though she was in jail. Aria thinks it’s Holbrook, though he’s taken a personal leave in order to tend to his sick dad. Emily thinks that’s convenient. Hanna asks if Toby can see if Holbrook is visiting Ali in prison. Spencer says no. Toby shouldn’t be the one thrown “head first into the lion’s den.” Toby gets a 10-19 call (return to the station and do your job, dummy) and leaves.

The bell rings and Emily suggest they spend the weekend coming up with terrible plans that will never work. Hanna says she’s gone that weekend on a college visit to Ballard. Spencer asks how many colleges Hanna got into, exactly. She doesn’t answer and the girls get back on the subject of Holbrook and how he’s the next Wilden. Hanna weirdly defends Holbrook and says he’s not a bad cop, just a bad kisser. That’s a reminder for me that that happened (which makes her defense less weird) and a revelation to her friends.

Hanna says it was one, closed mouth kiss. She was just grateful because Holbrook helped her mom with Wilden and stood up for Tyler’s dad in court. Every episode is an experience in being reminded of all these plot points I’ve mostly forgotten. Is this kind of what being stoned feels like?

Samantha: Presumably. Or what jumping through different timelines feels like. Spencer’s “whatever happened to a thank you card?” was great. And Aria looks hella Wednesday Adams in this scene.

Jessica: The thank you card line made me laugh. 

Mari: The bell rings again and the girls have to go to class. Spencer asks again how many schools Hanna got into.

Aria goes to art class. Ezra texts her about how his opening is turning into a circus. (S: Have we ever been amazed at the phone service these girls get in school? In my HS you had to hunch by one window in the lunchroom to send a text.) (M: I’m old enough to have gotten my first cell phone in college. -_-) Emily followed Aria and asks if they can talk. Aria says sure, but she’s got to text Ezra back first because he’s freaking out about his big event. Emily says that’s a shame because she was going to ask him for a raise. She needs the extra cash to go and visit Paige. They are growing apart ever since she moved. Emily’s even considering liberal arts colleges in Oregon to be closer to her. Aria spazzes out and says she can’t talk about colleges because it’s making her hair fall out. Six colleges have rejected her and Tallmadge wait-listed her. Emily tries to give her hope, saying a wait-list is not a rejection. She even tries to share a story of her cousin who wrote an excellent letter to Yale, but Aria doesn’t want to hear it. All the Liars will go to college and she’ll be stuck in Rosewood. Aria thinks this is Ali’s revenge on her. (J: NO ONE LEAVES ROSEWOOD. EVER.) The bell rings again and Emily has to skedaddle.

Samantha: Is it mean if I think it would be hilarious if Aria was just actually rejected by all these colleges? I don’t like her.

Mari: After this episode, I’m not surprised if she was just rejected. I can’t even imagine what she wrote in her essays.

I don’t know how to recap this next scene because I have NO IDEA why Ashley Marin and Jason DeLaurentis are working together. I sat here for many, many minutes and tried to remember. I want to be a good recapper. I don’t think my Pretty Little Liars amnesia is humor, it just is. Ashley and Jason are in an office and I guess Jason knows that Ashely is sending out her resume? He wants her to keep working for/with him, at least for one more month so he can get settled in post-mom death and sister in jail. Ashley looks like she’d rather both die and be in jail.

Samantha: So can we just agree that we’re allowed to plead PLL amnesia from time to time? I went down a google rabbit hole trying to figure out something I had forgotten during my last recap. WE’RE ONLY HUMAN WITH ONLY SO MANY GOOGLE HOURS.

Mari: Spencer sneaks out of “class” and calls Toby. He can’t talk, though, because Tanner has ordered another search behind Mona’s house. He’s looking around and he sees a… letter opener? on the ground. Some kind of pointy thing with a bone handle. Maybe a knife. He must recognize it, but he hides it back up and tells his fellow polices that it’s all clear where he is.

Jessica: So they’ve gone from consistently accidentally losing evidence to actively covering it up now. Yep, seems about right.

Mari: Hastings House. Toby tells Spencer and Caleb that the knife he saw behind Mona’s house is his. It’s a family knife. Caleb knows exactly which one, because he’s used it in that cabin many times. Toby said when he saw it, he froze and left it there. Caleb and Spencer think they should go back and grab it but Toby wants to do The Right Thing and give it to the police. It could have Ali’s prints on it. Caleb’s like, “yeah, or it could have mine or Hanna’s on it…” Caleb is Team Steal Evidence. Toby is Team Right Thing. They look to Spencer. Her suggestion is to just leave the knife there and do nothing. That sounds like a terrible idea so they go with that one. They agree to never speak of this conversation again. Ha. Wait for it. ) (J: Wait for it, wait for it …. sorry.) (S: Why was Caleb even there? Seemed like an odd grouping. Also, how did I not remember that cabin was Toby’s? I thought it was Ezra’s?) (J: I think there were two cabins, but they were probably the same set because they looked exactly the same. Oh and Noel Kahn had one too. Also, good question, now that I think of it, why was Caleb there? He and Toby are kinda buddies I guess.)

One Coffee Shop. I’m not going to stop calling it that event though Ezra is making this a bookstore. There’s a weird conversation between Aria and a guy putting up a BOOKS sign. Ezra is on the phone with the caterer, who quits on Ezra. Emily says she can cater the party because she’s totally helped her mom in the kitchen a ton of times. Ezra goes for this plan, probably because Aria is giving him BIG EYES. (S: I hope Ezra is going to improve the lighting in this place. I expect better lighting from my bookstores.)

Ashley gets a call from Alison in jail. She wants to talk to Jason, but when Ashley looks over to Jason he gives her a head shake. Ali insists and Ashely holds the phone out to Jason, but he won’t budge. Ashley regretfully tells Alison to call back some other time. Ali hangs up the phone in shock. Ashley asks Jason not to make her do that again. (J: Fair.) Jason says lying is easier than talking to Alison. Jason went to visit her once and he can’t do that again. He can’t look at Alison without thinking she had something to do with his mother’s death.

Ballard. Hanna is being taken on a tour by a super boring, kind of nerdy girl. She’s also walking around carrying a teddy bear, but Hanna Marin is so obviously cooler than you that it’s okay. The tour guide rushes off to grab something, Hanna calls Caleb to complain about her boring tour guide. (S: THE PHONE DIDN’T EVEN RING.) Caleb is obviously distracted and he tells her on a phone that is probably tapped, sitting next to a window outside of which A and Tanner are probably having a picnic, that Toby found a bloody knife behind Mona’s house and it’s from the Cavanaugh Cabin. Hanna wants to drop everything and come home. Caleb tells her not to, because that’s exactly what A would want. When Boring Guide comes back outside, Hanna is gone.

One Coffee Shop. Emily is in the kitchen standing in front of a table of ingredients when Aria comes in, Big Eyes first. She wrote a letter to Talmadge and wants Emily to read it. Emily thinks it’s good but needs to be a little more personal. Aria goes off about how she can’t write about how she spent years being hunted down by A. I get that she’s worried, but also all her friends went through this too. Emily tries to calm her down, but she says that she can’t because she’s crashed and burned and Talmadge was supposed to be her sure thing. Of course, Ezra overhears this tirade. Emily excuses herself.

Jessica: Emily has been so patient and helpful with Aria this episode and she doesn’t even care. I got annoyed on Emily’s behalf.

Mari: Aria tells Ezra that she wasn’t sure how to tell him that no one wanted her. He says that isn’t true. There are many, many colleges who would accept her, but it’s just going to be a little delayed. Aria insists that she could write a better letter to Talmadge, but Ezra bursts her bubble because the admissions officer at Talmadge is his ex, Jackie Molina, who hates Aria and Ezra. Ezra assures Aria that this is a temporary setback and gives her a hug.

Wolfy Bad Boy Place. Spencer visits to yell at Caleb about how bad he is at keeping secrets because Hanna bombarded her with text messages. She was angry Spencer wasn’t the one to tell her. Spencer notices that Caleb has some stealing evidence in the dark supplies on his bed. Caleb says he has to go back for the knife because he can’t be hauled away for suspicious of murder charges again. See, this happened to Caleb after he ran away from foster care. It can’t happen again because he’s not a stupid kid anymore. He’s a wolfy bad boy now. Spencer decides she’s going to go with Caleb. (S: Because she too wants to be a wolfy bad boy.) (J: Would you say Spencer is the wolfy bad boy of the Liars?) (M: Tough call, but I’m leaning toward yes.)

We get a montage of Aria worrying about Talmadge, looking over their website, her letter, and perhaps writing a new one. That’s cut with Emily struggling in the kitchen with cheese stuffed grapes. The montage ends with Emily calling her mom for some advice. Ezra walks into the kitchen and Emily hangs up quickly and puts on a brave face. Ezra sees the mess and asks Emily if it’s time to bring in some professional help or call a restaurant but Emily insists that it’s totally cool and everything will be oooookay.

Hanna drives up to a trailer park. She got this address for Holbrook off the internet. It’s all the worst stereotypes about poor people, so it’s dirty and trashy and there is even an old guy outside chopping up some bloody game, no joke. (S: Time to break out the “poor people smell bad” tag.) Hanna asks a little kid on a bike where “Mr. Holbrook” is and he calls back for his Poppa. Hanna gets closer to the indicated trailer.

We cut to Mona’s backyard. Spencer and Caleb are trying to find the knife in the dirt in the dark. It’s not going awesome.

Trailer Park. Mr. Holbrook comes out, and it’s Detective Holbrook’s dad. Papa Holbrook hasn’t seen his son in weeks, despite what he said about taking care of his sick dad. Papa H says he figured that if anyone knew where Detective H was, it would be her. Hanna is confused but then Papa H asks if she’s out on bail, so he’s clearly confusing this pretty, young blond with Alison. Hanna skedaddles.

Backyard. Spencer finds the bloody knife. Caleb picks it up, being careful not to put fresh prints on it. (S: Surprisingly smart. For, you know, purposefully disposing of evidence.)

Trailer Park. Hanna goes back to her car and all of the doors are open. Her teddy bear is in the driver’s seat. She picks up the teddy bear and there is a black string on his belly. Hanna pulls it and animal guts come spilling out. She freak about 100% less than I would about having animal guts on my feet. She hears something behind her and when she turns, it’s the kid on the bike who just looks at her for a second and peddles away.

Samantha: OMG AWFUL and who had time to do this????

Mari: A master bear stuffer.

Fields House. Emily is in bed still, but Aria’s come to visit her. Emily had a late night but never fell asleep anyway. On top of kitchen worries, she also hasn’t heard back from Paige in a while. Aria hands over the new letter she wrote for Talmadge and Emily gets Big Eyes of her own when she reads it. Apparently, knowing that Jackie Molina is the admissions person, Aria decided to write a letter telling Jackie what a mistake it was to be in a relationship with Ezra. Emily thinks it’s a terrible idea, and it would hurt Ezra so much if he found out. Aria thinks he would understand and she can just “take it back” if she gets accepted. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what Emily says because Aria already emailed the letter. Emily can’t even and has to go finish her empanadas.

Samantha: I hate when they troll us by pointing out how wrong it is for Aria/Pedzra to be a thing while also selling it as epic love. Also, why would you have someone read it AFTER sending it? When there’s nothing you can do about it if there’s something wrong with it?

Jessica: +1 to all you just said. 

Mari: Aria Logic.

When she gets to One Coffee Shop, Ezra is meeting with a woman who he called in to actually cater the party. This is so awkward. I think Ezra definitely needed professional help, but of course he went about it in the sleaziest way possible. (J: WORST. Boo, Ezra.) Emily expresses her hope of being more than a barista and Ezra says they’ll revisit that at a later date. Emily says she’s got work to do and heads back into the kitchen. Professional Caterer Lady (Talia) is back there, sniffing Emily’s food and making funny faces at it.

Hastings House. Caleb visits Spencer and says he couldn’t toss the knife in the lake. He felt like he was being followed. Spencer says she’ll do it. Caleb says that as long as the knife exists, A will find it. He knows the contrivance of the show he’s in well. Spencer says they should make it not exist.

Rosewood High. Art class. Spencer and Caleb have decided to put the knife in the kiln. They just start touching buttons to see if they can turn the thing on and again, that seems like a horrible plan. It seems like it powers on, but then Spencer hears something out in the hall. She goes out to investigate and Caleb steps into the kiln to put the knife in. Of course, once he’s in there, someone locks him inside and turns the thing on. (J: Ok, we all knew that was going to happen, right? Also, don’t walk into kilns! Has he never watched Hocus Pocus??)

Oh my god, this is getting uncomfortable to watch because now Aria has apparently hunted Jackie Molina down at Talmadge. (S: What the heck happened to Caleb hacking into the schools to find out why she got rejected?? Ironically, less invasive.) Aria runs up to Jackie and explains that she’s here, all the way from Pennsylvania, because she wants to take back the letter she wrote to the Admissions Board. Jackie tells Aria that she wouldn’t share the contents with Ezra because she never wants to talk to him again. It’s clear Jackie believes what Aria said in her letter and tries to relate with her over falling for Mr. Wrong. They both really did; Aria just doesn’t know it yet.

Spencer is still exploring the halls. Caleb is still cooking. Turns out the noise Spencer heard was maybe just an open window. She goes back to the art room and looks around for Caleb. She looks inside the kiln and sees that he’s on the floor, dying. She manages to get the kiln off and open the door. He can’t really talk about what happened (S: Stop firing questions at him Spence!), but since the knife is in there, Spencer turns the kiln back on. If the A-tag is A scraping up metal filings in the kiln, I’m DONE.

Jail. Hanna visits Alison, but it’s not really a visit. Hanna is there to tell Alison to give up and stop fighting. Alison says she already has. She could’ve thrown the Liars under the bus, but she didn’t. Hanna is like, “UGH, you framed Spencer crazy bitch,” (in less words), but Ali skips over that part because Hanna also mentions the knife and Ali’s like what knife??? Alison says that if she were as clever as everyone thinks she is, she would’ve given herself a better alibi than her brother. She also could’ve gotten away with faking her own death for years and oh yeah… wait….

Anyway, Alison says her real alibi is that she got a message from Cyrus saying they had to meet. Alison went and waited for him for hours. When she heard Mona was missing, she realized she was being set up by A. Alison asks why she would do this to herself if she were A. Hanna doesn’t know, but she does know that if Alison is A, she would be counting on the last little shred of Hanna that would care about what happens to Ali. Hanna tells her not to, though it’s clear that she’s having feelings as she leaves.

One Coffee Shop. Spencer walks in and Emily quickly accosts her because she’s got a tray full of misshapen empanadas no one will eat. Spencer doesn’t want to either because the one she picks up has a hair in it. Talia’s food is going quickly, though. Emily stomps away. That weird dude who was putting up the BOOKS sign earlier introduces himself to Spencer, though he think she’s Melissa for reasons that are beyond me. Turns out that he (Johnny) will be renting out the guest house in the Hastings backyard. This is a really weird character introduction. I don’t know what is actually going on and I don’t want to know. Spencer walks away from weirdo after telling him that someone was buried in their backyard, so maybe he doesn’t want to live there. (S: Is It Supposed to be Weird or is it Bad Acting? The catchy new Snark Ladies Single!) (J: We could play that game every episode.)

In the kitchen, Emily is throwing away her empanadas. Talia stops her, saying they can be saved. Emily has a full on break down about how she was doing this to earn some cash to see someone who isn’t returning her emails anyway. Talia stops her from throwing away more empanadas and tells her that any tapas can be saved with either slivered almonds or the right sauce. (J: Well, not ones with hairs in them…) Talia asks her to give one of the empanadas a try with her sauce and Emily smiles because it’s yummy. Is she going to think Talia is yummy next? That’s the vibe I’m getting here. Maybe because I just know the show loves putting high school kids and adults together.

Samantha: I kind of liked her so yes, there’s has to be something creepy with her.

Mari: Jason drops some paperwork over at Ashley’s house. He asks her to bring it back to her at the Edgewood, since he isn’t welcome to stay at the DiLaurentis Domicile after he got his sister arrested for murder. This makes Ashley pity him and offer him food.

Samantha: Are *they* going to bone? This is like watching a Shonda Rhymes show where I’m always afraid of random sex.

Jessica: LOL… but so true.

Mari: Back at the One Coffee Shop, Aria shows up. She’s just gotten an email from Jackie that says she’s been accepted to Talmadge. Ezra spots her and introduces her to a professor from Vassar.

Toby goes to the One Coffee Shop to glare at Spencer and leave. True story. Spencer chases after him. He’s all huffy because he knows the knife is gone, but Spencer points out that he must know that because he went back for it too. Toby says he wanted to do the right thing and Spencer says she wanted to protect them all. She tries to tell him about what they did but Toby doesn’t want to hear it. He says she’s making it worse by telling him details. Spencer cries as she says that Toby once said that she could tell him anything. Toby says he’s got to go and leaves a crying Spencer behind.

Jessica: Please don’t make this mean weirdo books guy is going to be a thing.

Mari: You are good at TV.

Ashley and Jason have dinner and bond over the fact that they don’t enjoy their own company too much these days. Jason kisses Ashley. (S: I KNEW IT.) She looks kind of freaked out so he apologizes and tells her to consider it a thank you for dinner. Ashley says she doesn’t mind being thanked so Jason goes in for a whole lot of gratitude.

One Coffee Shop. Aria catches Emily up on her visit to Talmadge and acceptance. Aria says she’s not going to tell Ezra anything about it for now.

Ezra tells Talia that everyone was raving about her food and he doesn’t know what to do when he opens up the place. She tells him he knows where to find her. Emily is cleaning up in the background. Ezra tells Em that he doesn’t want her to feel resentful or under appreciated. Em cuts him off and tells Ezra to hire Talia.

Aria is picking up around the shop. She sees a college guide and there is a bookmark in there. She opens it up and it’s marking Talmadge. The bookmark is really a portion of the letter she wrote to Jackie. Aria looks around to see if she can spot the bookmark making fiend, maybe hiding behind a curtain or something.

Hanna gets home, presumably early, and looks kind of confused to see two plates set out. She doesn’t have to wonder long because a beat later, she sees Jason leaving while buttoning his shirt.

In jail, Alison gets a clean jumpsuit. She immediately looks in the pocket and there is a note that reads “your friends will see you soon.” Alison gives the camera one of her patent “can’t tell if happy, sad or evil” looks and that takes us to the end of the episode.

Thank god there is no A-tag in a kiln. For real. I was in danger of chucking my laptop.

 

Next time on Pretty Little Liars: The search for Mona’s laptop is on in S05 E16 – Over a Barrel.