Previously: Rory got into Chilton!
—
The Lorelais’ First Day at Chilton
Marines: Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the porch. Lorelai is painting Rory’s toenails red while she squirts whipped cream into her mouth. Lorelai tells Rory that she’s starting private school the next day and private school girls are bad girls and bad girls wear red polish. She clearly subscribes to Bad Girl Styling school of thought. Lorelai asks if Rory is nervous about starting Chilton. Rory jokes that she wasn’t until she heard all about these bad girls.
Lane runs up, holding a CD: XTC. “Apple Venus Volume 2.” I literally had no idea what this was but Google and Youtube helped me. Was anyone out there as excited as Lorelai and Lane seem to be about this release? 16 years ago I was listening to Christian screamo. That’s not a joke, only truth.
Samantha: I was in my solid BSB only phase so I also don’t know who this is.
Annie: I was one of those horrible kids that sought out ‘alternative, non-mainstream’ music and I have no idea who XTC is, either. But I bet Daniel Palladino was super excited by this music choice. He’s a music snob.
Mari: Where you lead! I will follow!
After the credits, it’s the next morning. Lorelai is sleeping and Rory is in her Chilton uniform. Rory yells at her mother that it’s 7:10 and they are late. Her alarm didn’t go off. Rory pushes a very disoriented Lorelai to the bathroom. Rory freaks out about being late for her first day, and Lorelai whines that she planned this all differently. She was going to go going to get coffee, take a shower, pick up her clothes from the dry cleaner… Oh, no. She’s got no clean clothes! Rory starts counting off minutes (7:16, 7:17, 7:18), so Lorelai finally sends her downstairs while she gets ready.
Annie: This is the first introduction to the fact that the reality of time has no place in this world. Who has time to get coffee, shower, go to the dry cleaners, get dressed and be ready to leave the house by 7:15am? This seems to be a theme in these style of TV shows. They live an entire day before 8am. Not here for that.
Mari: Excellent point. Good to know Stars Hollow will be like Rosewood in that regard and we should ready our battle cry of, “WHAT THE HELL TIME IS IT?”
We cut downstairs. Lorelai runs down wearing a bright pink tie-dye shirt, frayed shorts and cowboy boots. I mean… we’re going to chalk this up to being under time pressure because I can’t believe that just because all of your NICE clothes are at the dry cleaners, shorts and cowboy boots is all you are left with. I’d rather pull out some things from the laundry basket and Fabreeze them then show up at a prep school in shorts and cowboy boots.
Mari: Literally anything else.
Lorelai, unamused by Rory’s commentary, threatens to bring baby photo’s to her first day. Rory yells after her, “No! I’m sorry! I love the rodeo! The rodeo rules!”
On the way to Chilton, Lorelai rants about how stupid plans are. They drive by Stars Hollow High and Rory looks out at it, a wee bit longingly. Lane is conveniently right out front at this precise moment to add to the feels.
We reach Chilton and it’s all big building and gargoyles. The Gilmore girls look a little intimidated.
Rory asks how she looks and Lorelai genuinely tells her she looks great and is great. She just needs to march on in there and show everyone how smart she is. Lorelai tells Rory to call her if she needs anything and Rory thinks this is a joke. She wants Lorelai to come with her to meet the headmaster. Lorelai thinks that is a joke, considering she looks like “that girl” from The Dukes of Hazard. Rory insists and Lorelai gives in.
Inside the big, scary building, the girls are at a loss. They catch the eye of one of the dads who directs in them to the correct building. Said Dad is Major Ellis from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If you are Nicole Sweeney or perhaps 3 other people in the entire world, you might recognize him from the Mortal Combat movie?
Major Ellis introduces himself as Ian. His daughter Julia attends Chilton. Lorelai introduces herself and Rory. Major Ian is shocked that Lorelai has a daughter. Is that safe to add to the drinking game? They flirt for a while before Rory is like, “hellooooo?” Major Ian asks where Lorelai works and she freely shares that information. I just realized I must be incredibly jaded because that is how you get stalked, girl. You just met this man. #RuinedForLife (S: The Platinum Snark Lady Single.)
Lorelai is basking in a post-flirtation glow, which Rory notices. “Do you want me to get you a mirror?” she asks. Lorelai comes down from her high and off they go. Three mean girls see Rory and give her and each other ugh, ew, gross faces.
Samantha: But, why? Why are they already ewing her?
Annie: Clearly Rory has that new-girl-from-hicksville stench about her.
Mari: Poor people small bad.
Outside the headmaster’s office, Lorelai asks Rory if she’s ready. She says no. Lorelai waits a beat and then asks if Rory is ready. This time she says yes. Inside, there is a sour looking secretary at the front desk. When she looks up, Lorelai jumps back in alarm. The secretary shows them into the Headmaster’s office and guess who is already there? Emily. Lorelai asks WTF Emily is doing there. She sweeps past Lorelai towards Rory and says she came to wish Rory good luck on her first day and make sure Hanlin (the headmaster) takes good care of her. Emily knows Hanlin’s wife and Hanlin and Richard play golf together. Rich people all know each other. (S: It’s a small world with all that concentrated wealth.)
The Headmaster suggests that Lorelai take off her coat and have a seat. She says she’s fine but the Headmaster and Emily both insist. Lorelai removes her coat and awkwardly says it’s laundry day. Emily’s eye roll is epic. After a few more awkward exchanges, Emily says they shouldn’t take up any more of Headmaster’s time. Lorelai kisses Rory goodbye.
Outside, Emily wonders how Lorelai could’ve left the house that way and Lorelai wonders what Emily is even doing here. Emily goes off on a rant about how she’s allowed to pay for the school, but not set foot on the premises. Maybe she’s not even allowed in the neighborhood, though her doctor is down the street. Lorelai is annoyed, but she’s also worn down. She apologizes and says she was just surprised to see Emily. Emily thought it was important for the school to know they had a Gilmore among them. Lorelai says it was a good thought, but when Emily amends that some Gilmores actually own clothing, that’s Lorelai’s cue to leave.
Still in his office, the Headmaster asks Rory about her aspirations. She wants to go to Harvard to study Journalism and Political Science in order to be the next Christiane Amanpour. The Headmaster is a dick and asks if she’s sure she doesn’t want to be Oprah or Rosie or one of the women on The View. Rory is pretty clear about what she wants, to travel the world and write about things the way they are. Hanlin is less than impressed with Rory, despite her being a Gilmore. He gives her a big speech about how she’s a small fish in a big pond and she might fail. Thanks, bro. Very inspiring.
Samantha: Wtf, why are you working with children?
Annie: Especially at that particular age and stage? I get it that some kids at Chilton probably need some perspective, but dude. Maybe spend five minutes getting to know the kid before you tell them they’re not worthy?
Mari: Has it really taking us this long to come up with a tag for bad teachers? Huh.
Next, Rory has to go to registration. She hands the woman in charge her student file and it’s quickly scooped up by a student volunteer and sent out the window to where the three mean girls from earlier. Mean Girl 1 spends the whole scene complaining about bugs and dirt and being in the bushes. She’s got legitimate complaints. Mean Girl 2 looks over the file and reads out the facts: Lorelai Gilmore, previously of Stars Hollow High, 4.0 GPA and perfect attendance. Journalism major. Popular with the adults. Mean Girl 3 instigates by saying that Rory is clearly going to go after the school newspaper, which is presumably Mean Girl 2’s domain.
Back inside, Ms. James hands Rory her locker number, schedule, school rules, code of honor and school song, which she may have to recite at any time. If Rory has any questions, she has to make an appointment with her guidance counselor, unless it’s about bulimia or pregnancy, in which case the school nurse helps. Welcome to Chilton.
Lorelai walks to Luke’s, still in her shorties and boots, but now carrying her dry cleaning. She and Luke swap more ha ha ha coffee addict barbs, while Lorelai bemoans her terrible morning.
Luke is surprised to hear that Rory started Chilton since Lorelai looks like Daisy Duke. Lorelai explains in a very Lorelai manner that her fuzzy alarm didn’t purr and then she’s off again. Luke pulls a bone out of his toaster. (Real thing that happened.)
Samantha: To emphasize how non-Chilton it is here in Stars Hollow, I guess.
Annie: Don’t get me started on Luke’s toaster. Why would a diner owner have a two-slice toaster? MY toaster makes more toast at a time than his does. It’s the little things that drive me crazy.
Mari: Your toaster rant is A+.
Ms. Patty is standing outside, directing her young and impressionables until it is cookie time. Lorelai greets her and gets another, “that’s what you wore to Chilton?” Lorelai hurries along.
Lorelai finally gets home and struggles inside. The phone is ringing and it’s Emily, thinking she should get Rory some extra clothes and special Chilton socks with a logo. This is of course everything Lorelai is against, namely accepting help and money, so she’s prickly with her mother. Emily settles on buying Rory a coat and asks for her size. Lorelai says she’s a 6, but she’d buy an 8 in case Rory grows. Because listening to or accepting anything Lorelai says is against everything Emily believes it, she says she’ll buy a 6 and buy another if Rory grows.
Chilton. A teacher is lecturing on Tolstoy and Mean Girl 2 knows all the answers about Tolstoy’s inspiration. Chad Michael Murray walks into class late and I had no idea Chad Michael Murray was on this show at all? But of course he is because this is early 2000s TV.
Samantha: On the WB/CW, no less. This is even pre One Tree Hill.
Annie: Chad Michael Mudface belongs to the WB/CW stable of young studs they swapped around from show to show as needed.
Mari: Chad Michael Murray perpetually looks like he has a gerbil on his head? But that’s neither here nor there.
CMM takes his seat, leering at Rory as he passes her. He asks one of his class bros who Rory is when the answer is obviously, “new girl.” The bell rings. The Mean Girls glare at Rory while CMM announces that they’ve got a Mary in their midsts. (S: Bleh. BLEH.) (A: I’ll second that bleh. HATE this.)
The class clears out and the teacher calls Rory to his desk. He gives her a binder of last week’s study notes. There’s a test on them tomorrow, but he’s giving Rory until Monday to do it. She says that’s fine, but her face says AHHH. Teacher makes it worse by saying the binder is an overview and someone in the class will have more detailed notes.
Rory walks out of the classroom and right into Mean Girl 2, who is of course Paris Gellar. I know people love this character so I’m looking forward to the day when she becomes Paris Gellar and not this one note Mean Girl 2. (S: Me too, Mari. Me toooo.) (A: She’s an acquired taste.) She sasses Rory about how this school is her domain and the student newspaper is her domain and Rory will never, ever catch up. As Paris flounces away, Rory says to herself that she guesses Paris will not be lending her lecture notes.
Inn. Sookie is looking over a basket of peaches as Produce Man tells him they look smaller and watery-er. Produce Man sarcastically tells her to go ahead and squeeze them all so he couldn’t actually sell them to anyone else. Lorelai walks into the kitchen, dressed in 100% less shorts and boots, and says this is how she was supposed to look this morning. Sookie says no one cared how she looked, but Lorelai disagrees. Everyone from the PTA moms to her mom did. Sookie holds out a peach for Lorelai. She tastes it and says it’s watery. Produce Man thinks they planned this. In between asking Lorelai about why her mother was at the school and assuring Lorelai that the only important thing is that Rory got into Chilton, Sookie rolls a peach on the floor. She says they are even rolling differently because of the extra water.
Samantha: I always enjoy the Sookie/Produce Man interactions. Such a cute way to teach us about their characters.
Mari: Michel interrupts because Lorelai’s got a call. Out by the front desk, two old lady guests are excitedly talking about all the antiquing they’ll get to do in town. They stop Michel and asks if he knows where the best antiques are and he rudely answers, “at your house, I guess.” They don’t, in fact, throw the book they are holding at his head.
Lorelai answers the phone and it’s Emily, who somehow got this number, and is calling to say that she pulled some strings and bought Rory a parking spot at school. Lorelai points out that Rory doesn’t have a car, but Emily happily says that Rory does have a birthday coming up. Lorelai has to pause the conversation to tell Drella to play softer. Drella yells, “Hey, do I look like I got Panasonic stamped on my ass?” Also, I typed Drusilla both times in this paragraph originally because of course I did.
Lorelai argues with her mom for a bit about Rory getting a car for her birthday and then cuts it off.
Chilton. Chad Michael Murray sees Rory in the halls and calls her Mary again. Rory corrects him and he introduces himself as Tristan. Chad Michael Tristan offers up his notes to Rory and she excitedly says that would be great. CMTristan pushes her up against the wall and asks how great it would be. Rory gets all flustered, but when he offers to also study with her, she tells him that studying is a solitary activity. CMTristan takes the hint (at least for now) and says goodbye to “Mary.” Ask Samantha how much she and I hate it when douche bros call women by names they do not want.
Samantha: FURY. Every time this happens I will be FUMING.
Annie: I’ll join that club. It’s such a passive aggressive dick move.
Mari: Inn. Lorelai is settling a dispute between a man and the young valet guy gracefully. She’s obviously a pro. Michel tells her she’s got a visitor. Lorelai is afraid it’s her mom, but it’s actually Major Ian and I TOLD YOU THIS IS HOW YOU GET STALKED. (S: So wise, Mari. So. Wise.) Major Ian asks Lorelai out on a date and, while she’s flattered, she isn’t sure it’s a good idea to date a Chilton dad. She wants to let Rory find her place before she starts dating PTA dads. Major Ian says he’s not on the PTA, but Lorelai says she couldn’t date someone not on the PTA. Major Ian takes this all in good humor and says he’s going on a business trip to China for a week. He’s going to ask her out again when he gets back. Lorelai admires him as he walks away. Michel thinks this is sick, but Lorelai offers to admire him as he walks away too.
Drella is still playing, a group of people listening appreciatively. She suddenly gets up because it’s lunch time. I think everyone should understand.
Chilton. Rory struggles with her locker. She pulls hard and it opens, but she goes stumbling back right into Paris who is holding a huge model. Down goes the model. Rory apologizes but Paris is not having it. She leaves the wreck behind and stomps into a classroom. Rory puts her books away and asks a random student where her history class is. He points behind her, right to where Paris just walked in.
Paris gives a “you have got to be kidding me,” when Rory walks in. She finds a seat and Chad Michael Tristan sits next to her and calls her Mary some more. Class starts and the teach calls Paris first to present her project. For some reason, instead of trying to explain and showing the debris that is right outside of the classroom, Paris just says that she doesn’t have her project. Rory jumps up and says that it’s her fault. There is some confusion over who Rory is (new student. Lorelai or Rory?) and Paris keeps telling Rory to shut up. The teacher gives Paris an extra day to do her project with Rory’s help, but Paris doesn’t want Rory’s help. The teacher says she gets one day or an incomplete. While she’s standing, the teacher introduces the class to Rory. Everyone says, “hi Rory,” except Tristan who says, “hi Mary.” Rory sits down, sad.
After a not!break, Ms. Patty has her girls walking with books on their heads. “Walk smooth. That’s the new Harry Potter on your heads. If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won’t be anymore books.”
Childhood trauma. (S: This post is rife with our catch phrases, I love it.)
Ms. Patty sees Lorelai and says THIS is how she should’ve dressed in the morning. Lorelai ignores her and keeps on walking right into Luke’s. He asks what she’s doing, since this isn’t her usual time. She explains that she has to pick up Rory and she’s had one bizarro day. Luke pours her coffee with no comment. Lorelai goes on about her day between the morning, her mother, and the dad who drove all the way to the inn to ask her out. Luke perks up at this and asks if she’s going. She says no and he quickly proclaims that a good thing. Lorelai notices that he’s acting a bit strange about this date, but then her phone rings. It’s Babette and Lorelai’s gotta run again.
Lorelai pulls up to her own house and Babette is waiting for her outside. She says these men just pulled up and started looking around. Lorelai confronts the men on her porch and it turns out there are just here to install DSL (lolol) paid for by Emily Gilmore. Lorelai cancels the order because she hates fast internet paid for by other people.
Back at Chilton, Rory tries to pass Paris an apology note, but she ignores it completely. The teacher asks a couple of questions and Rory answers them both before Paris can. The class ends and Paris stops at Rory’s desk to threaten her. Chad Michael Tristan says goodbye to Mary and things continue to be the worst. (S: In most ways, Chilton is my nightmare school.)
Salon. Lorelai stomps in looking around for her mother. She finds her and knocks on her hairdryer. Emily is like WTF? and it’s great. Lorelai yells about how there will be no fast Internet, no parking spaces and no extra uniforms because Lorelai wants to do everything herself and that’s just the way she was born and that’s just the way it is. Emily looks dismayed.
We cut to Chilton, where Lorelai waits for Rory with a cup of coffee. Rory emerges, drops her backpack and goes in for a hug. Aw. Lorelai says her day sucked too. Rory says hers was a “one big, long, scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.” Lorelai says add hairspray and you’ve got her day. Rory further explains that one of the girls already hates her and one of the boys was calling her Mary. Lorelai can’t believe boys are still using that and has to explain to Rory that it means Virgin Mary, because Rory looks innocent and pure. Rory asks what they would’ve called her if she looked like a slut. Lorelai thinks they would’ve added Magdalen to that.
That night, Lane joins Rory and Lorelai for a stroll about town. Lane and Rory missed each other, so Lorelai suggest that Lane join her when she drives out for her night class. That way, Rory and Lane can spend the time together. They love this plan, but Lane realizes she’s late for dinner. Lorelai says she’s gonna get in trouble for sending Lane back home fat and happy. Lane apologizes but not really because her mom is currently buying tofu in bulk. Yikes. Lane takes off her happy jacket and lets down her hair and then runs home.
Alone now, Rory admits that she was thinking about how to get Paris off her back. Lorelai said she had a Paris in high school and she only got rid of her by getting pregnant and dropping out. Rory wonders if she can just learn to french braid her hair instead. Lorelai asks if there is anything she can do, but Rory will figure it out herself and in the meanwhile, enjoy how many shades of purple Paris turns when Rory answers questions first.
Samantha: Don’t compete with each other, ladies! Empower each other!
Annie: Down with the patriarchy that pits these two young women against each other instead of bringing them together.
Mari: Listen to Snark Lady advice, girls! Women helping women is gold!
The gals are now in front of Luke’s. Lorelai asks Rory what she thinks of Luke. Rory is like NO, do NOT date Luke because you will break up and then we can’t eat there anymore. They walk off and talk about some other restaurant owners Lorelai could date. Luke comes outside and stares after the Gilmores.
Next time on Gilmore Girls: Rory has to play organized sports like WTF in S01 E03 – Kill Me Now.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
