Previously: The P’s traveled to the past to save their ancestor.
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Sight Unseen
Stephanie: We open at P^3 where Phoebe is sending over drinks to one of Prue’s Generic Dates. Piper comes over to inquire if he’s been stood up since Prue’s caught up in a demon research obsession..
Phoebe changes the subject to Piper’s love life. Piper admits that her and Leo haven’t been sleeping together because Leo keeps being orbed out whenever they get frisky. Does this mean Leo appears before The Powers That Be totally naked or can he redirect the orb-travel to a closet first? (M: These are the actually important questions.) Piper is sure TPTB are watching them at all times and it’s getting in the way of her ability to “concentrate.” Phoebe says that she’s going to have to concentrate on herself because flirting with Cole is going nowhere.
Piper calls Prue. She’s on her way home after researching the ancestry of her pilgrim boyfriend. Not even people from the 1600’s are safe from being Google stalked by some creep with a crush. During her stalking, she found some history on the village they visited that might lead them to more information on what the Triad are up to. (M: That’s an interesting conclusion.) Piper tells Prue that she needs to come rescue her Generic Date #28 from alcohol poisoning. Prue says to tell him she’s stuck at work.
Piper goes over to Generic Date #28 and tells him Prue won’t be coming and he leaves to whatever abyss all these Date-of-the-Episode dudes disappear into. Piper and Phoebe are concerned that Prue is forgetting her dates. Forgetting is understandable when all your dates look the same.
Manor. The door is already open when Prue arrives. As she walks inside, we see that the mirrors have been broken. A person tackles her to the couch and she magics them out of the window. The camera zooms in on her emotionless face.
I AM THE SAHN.
Piper and Phoebe are back at the manor comforting Prue. Piper is creeped out that someone went around the house smashing mirrors and Phoebe is creeped out that someone was fondling things. What? Is she referring to the fact that the intruder attacked Prue? ‘Cause that seems like a pretty loose definition of fondling.
Darryl comes downstairs. He inspected the house and says he didn’t find anything except fingerprints. So… he found something. (M: No, Steph, just fingerprints god.) Prue doesn’t think the fingerprints will lead anywhere because the mirrors are evil portals for evil things. Phoebe points out that the fingerprints could be useful because demons don’t usually have fingers. HUH. Most of the demons we’ve seen are hand-having humans in terrible makeup, so I’m not sure what she’s on about.
Darryl asks for a grudge list and Prue has just the thing. She hands him a list of all the baddies they’ve faced the past two years and heads upstairs to check the Book of Shadows. Phoebe explains to Darryl that Prue’s been a bit demon obsessed.
Marines: I’m gonna go ahead and say good and early that maybe besides the extensive Google stalking of a 1600s crush, Prue is acting fairly reasonable in the light of super evil dudes? Like all she said was, “it’s probably a demon and I’m going to check the Book of Shadows,” which is literally what happens every single episode. What’s happening?
Stephanie: I don’t know, Mari. She’s prioritizing their safety over dating, so it seems like Phoebe and Piper have a point. Boys > possible death by demon.
Prue calls everyone up to the attic and tells them that the door was unlocked which is bad because she’s been locking it ever since Darth Cole tried to steal the BoS. This leads Darryl into a rant about how irresponsible the P’s are about keeping their house secure. Prue tells him to shove it because they’re three independent witches who don’t need no guard dog.
The girls argue more about whether the break-in was just a regular break-in or the work of the Triad. Eventually, Darryl is shooed out and Prue starts yelling for Leo. Leo orbs in and he and Piper make love-sick grins at each other. You know, because actual important stuff isn’t going down. Prue gets frustrated that no one is taking this Triad stuff seriously and storms out. Phoebe gets straight to the single-shaming.
Meanwhile, Cole’s at a meeting with the Triad. Cole’s demon name is Belthazor, which sounds like the kind silly name you get from a fantasy name generator when you’re creating a character for an RPG. (M: Darth Cole is a million times better. Let’s keep going with that.) The Triad are impatient because it’s taking Cole so long to defeat the P’s. Honestly, I don’t understand what Cole or the Triad are trying to do. Do they want the P’s dead? If so, why can’t Cole just stroll into the manor with a chainsaw or plant an explosive under the sofa while he’s on a date with Phoebe? Why is it so hard to kill 3 women preoccupied with dating?
Mari: Maybe because Cole is trying to actually date Phoebe to death, which is a nice try but not quite.
Stephanie: Anyway, the Triad are sick of Cole’s incompetence, so they’ve assigned someone to help out. Cole reminds them that they have a deal, the charmed ones in exchange for something that we don’t get to hear about because the Triad cut him off again. They tell him they’ve already sent Troxa, so deal with it, basically.
Manor. A man who I’m going to assume is Troxa goes invisible, and strolls on in. Upstairs, Leo and Piper are making out despite the whole house break-in situation. They argue-kiss about whether TPTB are watching while Maybe-Troxa opens the door to watch. They don’t notice, but it doesn’t matter because even Maybe-Troxa is bored of their relationship drama and closes the door again. (M: Maybe-Troxa is maybe us?) Leo says since they’re not going to have sex, he’ll go help Prue. He starts Kissing Piper again, but he’s orbed away.
Maybe-Troxa continues his stalking up in the attic where Prue has fallen asleep during her research. He grabs a pillow and just holds it over her head so that she has time to magic it away. The pillow explodes into feathers for some reason.
Instead of trying to kill with mundane objects, why not use an actual deadly weapon? See: chainsaw. Like, why even hire a demon if they don’t have any useful murder powers?
Downstairs, the doorbell rings and Cole rushes in. No one seems concerned that he knows they’ve had their house broken into. Phoebe is just happy that he came to check on her/them. Cole says they have no idea what kind of evil they’re dealing with. No one finds the use of the word “evil” to describe a break-in unusual. Prue hints that Cole should skidaddle ’cause they have sister things to chat about and he does.
Prue tells the others that a flying pillow tried to murder her face. Naturally, no one believe this actually happened. Prue says it was definitely a demon and goes back upstairs. The other two make “pfft, demon, yeah sure” faces.
Mari: It should be so easy to kill them.
Stephanie: Outside, Cole stalks around looking for Troxa. Troxa starts invisi-choking him. He reappears and tells Cole that he better not get in his way when he tries to strike again tomorrow night. Well, maybe don’t tell him your plans then? Also, he pokes Cole in the chest while saying this, which is the least threatening thing he could have done. There’s a bit of back and forth that implies that Cole and Troxa have some kind of ongoing rivalry between them. Troxa goes invisible again so he can choke Cole some more. Cole makes a hilarious face at the porch light, which flickers on and makes Troxa stop for some reason. Cole disappears as Phoebe opens the door.
The next morning, Phoebe and Piper are having a coffee after a night of little sleep. Phoebe suggest that maybe the alarm system is a good idea. It couldn’t hurt considering you’ve got randos roaming through your house all the time.
Prue comes downstairs and inquires about some missing items, specifically Grams’ necklace, and her lucky blouse. Phoebe asks if the lucky blouse is the fuschia paisley one, so I’d say they’re lucky it’s gone. Prue brings up the demon being the culprit and the other two still think she’s lost it.
Leo tinkles in and his hair is sticking up funny. He tells Piper that his being called away during their make-out session was a total coincidence. He also has no useful information regarding the Triad. Is anyone surprised? All they seem to know is that they’re at the highest level of the other side. The other side being evil, I assume.
Prue hands Phoebe and Piper each a sack of sneakers and tells them they need to be better prepared for demon attacks, so keep the sneakers on them at all times. So… are they supposed to walk around holding those every day? Why has she put the sneakers in sacks? So many questions.
Mari: It’s the most ill-thought out and yet weirdly prepared thing. Like, yes, you are always running for your life but sneakers in a bag is weird.
Stephanie: Darryl arrives with news on the fingerprints. The prints on all the broken mirrors were the same, but there’s no match in the FBI computer. When they tell him about the missing items, he guesses that the intruder could possibly be a stalker. Phoebe suggests Generic Date #28. Darryl says he’ll check up on him, in the meantime, he’s going to need that non-demonic grudge list.
Darryl leaves and Phoebe warns Prue that she should listen to him. Prue is still convinced demons are involved, but a girl’s gotta work her random photography job, so she leaves for that.
Courthouse. Invisible-Troxa stalks around, bumping into people and rustling plants along the way, rendering his invisibility utterly pointless. He enters Cole’s office, where Cole is staring out his window. It’s super weird because the blinds are closed. Troxa picks up a letter opener to make with the stabbing, but Cole spins around and sprays him with a fire extinguisher. He tells him he did some research and found out that cold is his weakness. Troxa gets pissy and says he’ll get Cole after he’s done with the P’s and leaves. Hire scarier demons, Triad.
Meanwhile, Prue is having a photoshoot with a Steve Irwin wannabe. Hiding in the bushy backdrop, a person in black, presumably the original home invader, takes stalker photos. Not-Irwin talks about how to trap a snake and this gives Prue an idea. Stalker takes photos of her idea-face.
P^3. Phoebe comes in and asks the bartender if she’s seen Cole. The bartender is like WHO? because no one cares about who Phoebe is seeing. Phoebe asks if she knows where Piper is and she directs her to the backroom.
Cut to the backroom where Leo and Piper are having another try at “concentrating.” I don’t want it. Phoebe walks in on them. She doesn’t want it either.
Mari: It’s hard to think someone is hot if you fall asleep every time you look at them.
Stephanie: Phoebe pulls out a couple of papers. It’s her grudge list, composed of men she was with in New York. Piper is like “wow, girl,” but considering she’s probably living in fear of her sisters constantly shaming her for not having a man in her life, can you really blame her? You can’t win if you’re a Halliwell. (M: Or a woman…) You either have too many boyfriends or not enough boyfriends.
Prue walks in wearing nothing but silver triangles over her boobs. I’m exaggerating, but that dress is atrocious. She’s in good spirits because she’s set up a trap to catch the demon. She cast a spell on some crystals and made a “grid” with the BoS at the center. Any demon who tries to get it will be zapped. After explaining her stupid plan, she walks away to meet up with Generic Date #28 with his floppy hair and turtleneck. Who wears a turtleneck to a club? Especially when your date is wearing a tin-foil dress? She apologizes to Generic Date #28 and says she’ll make it up to him if he gives her a chance. He says he will as long as she’s not playing games because games make him crazy. Not stalker crazy though.
Manor. Cole walks in and calls out to make sure the house is empty and then starts making it cold inside by opening windows and turning on the AC. He heads up to the attic to open more windows, and there’s a chair attached to the wall for some reason? I don’t know what the deal with that is. He comes across Prue’s demon research which is essentially a sad mind map that says TRIAD??? WHO? WHY? EVIL AGENT. Great notes, Prue. Cole tosses the notes and predictably walks toward the book where he gets zapped by the crystals. He briefly morphs into Darth Cole and then back to Human Cole before he collapses. At the club, Prue’s crystal glows and she ditches her date to inform her sisters.
The P’s arrive back at the manor and notice that the house is freezing. They head upstairs, sneakers equipped. I love to think they were relaxing at the club with sacks of sneakers hanging on their chairs instead of purses.
Upstairs, they find Cole on the floor and Phoebe is ready to run to his rescue but they hold her back because hello, demon trap. Phoebe breaks away and kneels by Cole, awkwardly lifting his head to place on her lap. She basically rips his head off the floor, probably because she wants it near her crotch real bad. Prue is like, “explain yourself, sir,” and Cole explains he came by to check on them and saw all the windows open and the front door unlocked. He asks what the heck the crystals are, and Prue stares him down and straight up tells him it’s a trap.
They head downstairs, and Cole yells at Prue that he could have her arrested for setting up a deadly crystal trap in the attic. I would immediately lose attraction to any guy who yelled at my sister like that. If you don’t want to get electrocuted by magic rocks, don’t wander around a house that you weren’t invited into, asshole.
Mari: Yep. Like, stop showing up her uninvited dickwad and you won’t need to worry about what I have in the attic.
Stephanie: Piper notices that the AC is on and Prue stares down Cole some more. Cole is like, “I’M OUTTA HERE,” and gets outta there. Phoebe follows him outside, apologizing, and Cole just says he’s glad it wasn’t her, and walks away. Phoebe goes to scream at Prue, grabbing a long gift box with a bow on her way inside. Prue points out that Cole is probably a demon. Phoebe sarcastically says that Cole must be a plant sent to get close to her so he can kill them. Spot on, but there can only be one sensible sister per episode and that’s Prue today. .
Piper interrupts to point out the package, which happens to be from Generic Date #28. Inside is a lovely assortment of roses and worms. Phoebe goes off to call Darryl because Generic Date #28 is obviously the “demon.” Prue still isn’t convinced that standing a guy up twice is enough to get him to deliver wormy flowers. She has to trust her instincts.
Outside the manor, Cole is waiting for Troxa to appear. He apologizes to him and offers the P’s in exchange for getting Troxa off his back. He points him to the BoS as the key to taking them out. (M: Real stealth, Cole.)
Inside, Phoebe is taking out her Prue-anger on the windows by aggressively closing them. Piper follows behind telling her that Prue is just looking out for them because there’s a Triad demon trying to get them. Really? When did they start believing there’s a demon involved?
Leo tinkles in holding a giant Hershey’s kiss. That is a thing that actually happens. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to get him lucky tonight, but he can help close the windows. Take the candy though, Piper.
Troxa enters the manor again and heads up to the attic where Prue is closing windows. The cold makes him partially visible and she’s able to catch a glimpse of him in one of the broken mirrors. They fight and Prue eventually kicks him into the crystal trap. He gets electrocuted so hard the lights flicker and alert everyone downstairs. He’s also yelling in pain, so probably that alerts them too.
Leo and the other 2 P’s join Prue upstairs. Prue uses crystal electricity torture to interrogate Troxa and he gives them his name. He also gives up Cole by his demon name, so they don’t connect the dots that perhaps the other agent after them might just be the man they caught in the trap earlier. Think, ladies. After giving up the names, he’s engulfed in some Triad flames and he disappears.
Phoebe and Piper apologize since Prue was right about the demons, and Prue accepts. Personally, I would be really annoyed with them and not talk to them for at least a night. They flip through the BoS and immediately land on Troxa. They learn that his “ectoplasmic biochemistry” (lol) reacts to the cold and that makes him visible again. Phoebe wonders if they have another guardian angel. She’s going to think Cole is her guardian angel isn’t she? She’ll probably be like, “well, he WAS wearing an angel outfit the other night…”
Mari: I’m frightened of how long Cole keeps this secret. I’m already over it.
Stephanie: I can’t figure out if this show drags out “mysteries” too long or if we’re just watching it super slow so it feels that way.
Leo hopes she’s right about that, because Belthazor is bad news. He tells them he’s the demonic soldier of fortune. What the heck is that even supposed to mean? According to Leo, he’s the most evil demon of all the evil demons. If you say so, Leo. So far, all we’ve been shown is how incompetent Cole is.
They flip to Belthazor’s page and recognize his face as the sith lord who tried to steal the BoS some weeks ago. Leo tinkles out to get info on Belthazor, and Piper heads to bed.
Phoebe stands with Prue and notices Cole’s name in her notes. Prue crosses him off the list, and Phoebe asks for her to apologize to him. Fuck that! I would not apologize to someone who stumbled into my crystal trap while sneaking around my house. I’m learning that I’m very passionate about a woman’s right to have a anti-demon crystal security system in her home.
Mari: IT IS OUR BIRTHRIGHT.
Stephanie: Dark room, Prue develops her probably-mediocre photos. As the images appear, she realizes they’re all stalker-photos. The stalker appears behind her and slams Prue’s face into a tub of developer solution. It makes me laugh more than it probably should.
The next morning, Phoebe is concerned that there are still too many missing pieces, namely, they never found who was behind the stalker stuff. Piper brushes her off because she hasn’t learned an important lesson about listening to her sisters. Phoebe still wants to check on her grudge list at P^3 while they wait on any information from Darryl on Generic Date #28. Phoebe notes that Prue is missing. It’s too early for her to have left to take her photos in, so she gives her cell a call.
In the basement, a female voice, clearly not belonging to Prue, answers loudly and says that she’s fine. She hangs up and Phoebe is like, “yup, sounds okay to me!” We finally see the identity of the stalker and it’s the damn bartender from P^3. Stalkertender listens to footsteps from upstairs, waiting for the other P’s to leave. Yeah, but they didn’t hear her yelling into the phone. Okay.
Mari: I honestly thought this was over after Troxa. It makes this stupidity even worse.
Stephanie: When watching Charmed, if it feels like it should be over, there’s probably still 20 minutes left.
Stalkertender wakes Prue up and Prue asks what she wants. Stalkertender says she wants to be her. Uh… Where is this even coming from? Was there ANY setup for this plot? Once again, Charmed’s elegant foreshadowing is just too subtle for me.
Stalkertender gives her I’m-crazy-out-of-nowhere speech while putting on Prue’s lucky blouse and a wig that looks nothing like Prue’s hair. She goes on about how she loves wearing Prue’s things, and being Prue, and weren’t those worm flowers just the greatest? She says that she wants to be desired by men, just like Prue, and that when she’s her, she’ll do even better than Generic Date #28. Good luck, girlfriend. I’m pretty sure all the men in this world look and act exactly the same. Except Darryl, but someone was already smart enough to snatch him up before they got stuck with one of the floppy haired fellas.
Anyway, Stalkertender flashes the gun that she’s gonna use on Prue, but first she needs to know how she made her fly out the window last night. Prue shows her how, by flying her into a nearby shelf. She unties her hands and magics a bunch of junk on Stalkertender and runs upstairs.
P^3. Darryl calls as soon as Piper and Phoebe walk in. He’s been trying to reach Prue because the prints match their bartender.
Piper and Phoebe check Stalkertender’s locker. It’s filled with cosmetics that Prue uses, photos of Prue, a timestamped log of all the things Prue’s been up to. Piper hands one of the photos over to Phoebe and it sends her into a vision of Prue being shot dead. I honestly forgot she could do that. They rush out.
Back at the manor, Prue appears to be hiding in a closet. One wonders why she didn’t leave the house. Stalkertender looks for her and Prue uses her astral projection to confuse her. Prue runs out of the closet and she and Stalkertender scuffle for a while until Piper stumbles into the kitchen. Stalkertender shoots, but Phoebe and Piper arrive just in time to freeze her and the bullet. Piper grabs the bullet from the air and they go comfort Prue. Prue magics Stalkertender into a cabinet one last time.
P^3. A band plays and I skip over it because who cares? A new bartender serves drinks to Prue and Phoebe. Prue asks if she’s happy, and the bartender passes the test by being an engaged woman who’s getting her masters. It’s probably the part where she has a fiance that’s most important to them.
Phoebe says that Leo is installing an alarm system at the manor, and Prue comments that they should probably lock their doors too. As someone born and raised in a city, it baffles me that anyone would ever leave their doors unlocked. I would even lock my doors if I lived in a forest by myself. I should also point out that I have an irrational fear of home invasion, so there’s that.
Mari: Our house was burgled once when my family was on vacation and it SUCKS. Lock all the damn mf doors.
Stephanie: Well, that’s awful. Guess my fear isn’t that irrational. BRB, double checking doors and windows.
ANYWAY. Prue says they’ll also have to watch out for Cole, and lo and behold, Cole appears. Phoebe accuses Prue of not liking him, and Prue is about to say she doesn’t, but notices the disappointment in Phoebe’s face and switches to saying she doesn’t know him. Phoebe says she wants to get to know him, so she goes over to get to know him.
Prue meets up with Generic Date #28 and asks him to dance and he says yes because he hates himself.
Phoebe asks Cole if they’re still friends. He says he hopes they’re more than that. When Phoebe asks him to prove it, he goes in for a creepy, eyes-open-for-too-long kiss. It’s the type of kiss that doesn’t look very pretty on TV. Yucko. (I’m 12.)
Stephanie: At the manor, Leo and Piper finally have sex and we get to see the climax. Yucko.
I did not.
Next time on Charmed: Phoebe and Piper try to save Prue from an unwanted gift in S03 E06 – Primrose Empath.
I'm a miniature adult who still gets offered the kid's coloring menu at restaurants. I like to pretend I'm an illustrator, but mostly I spend my time complaining about TV on Twitter. My life dream is to have my consciousness placed into an android body so that I'll have more time to watch/read things.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
