Supergirl S02 E09 – So cheese.

Previously: Lena and Kara still have the most chemistry of all.
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Supergirl Lives

Marines: The good news is that we’re going so slowly, all the episode are now on Netflix…

Samantha: This was totally our plan! Good work, team!

Marines: Thieves in a van. The getaway driver is looking in his rearview mirrors, keeping an eye out for Supergirl. His two accomplices in the back are putting their jewels into a bag, so I’m not sure why they carried out all these jewels individually and are now putting them into a bag.

Catherine: It was so very obviously “These are thieves! Look! Jewels!” Do thieves even steal jewels anymore? Don’t they just torrent them?

Mari: Supergirl shows up and flies really slowly behind them, probably to enjoy this super hero musical score. There really isn’t another explanation as to why she can’t fly faster than the car and just stop it, but okay. She’s flying slowly after the car and gets hit with a rocket launcher for her trouble. She finally stops the van by using her heat vision to blow out the tires. She lands triumphantly in front of the van to only see that SOMEHOW the two accomplices escaped on foot without her noticing. She’s really phoning it in today.

The two accomplices end up in an alley and Guardian is there to stop them. Fighting ensues.

One guy pulls out a knife but Guardian’s suit has a built in shield and he uses that to defeat Knife-Wielding Accomplice. Second Accomplice uses this distraction to totally ditch his buddy, like, wow bro. He runs off and Guardian tells Winn that Second Accomplice is heading toward the van. Winn wonders what to do, but then opens the door at just the right second so that it knocks Second Accomplice off his feet. Winn celebrates so long and so loudly that he doesn’t notice that Second Accomplice is immediately back up and has a gun. Now it’s Winn’s turn to end up on the ground and he starts freaking out when the gun is in his face. Guardian is there, though, to knock the guy out (again) and ask a bloody-nosed Winn if he’s okay.

No sign of Supergirl, who probably just went for ice cream instead.

Samantha: Okay but seriously, I couldn’t focus on this whole segment because I kept wondering where the Jeff Supergirl was.

Catherine: Clearly, she had to go shave her hands.

Marines: DEO. Alex asks Supergirl how it went and she says she almost mostly nabbed the jewel thieves by herself but then Guardian showed up and did all the easy stuff. Supergirl says she’s starting to get sick of that guy. Alex can tell something other than Guardian is bothering her. Supergirl admits that she’s been working on bank robberies and jewel thieves lately and it’s easy and not really helping people. Alex tells her to go home and celebrate being a hero. Supergirl invites her over, but Alex says she can’t because she has plans. Unless Supergirl needs her to cancel them. Supergirl giggles and tells her to go be with her girlfriend and Alex’s face registers like 17 different kinds of squee.

The next morning, Alex and Maggie are having a cute morning after, being happy and having coffee, and kissing and contemplating calling in sick to work.

Snapper (S: Holy cow he’s still a thing?) (C: Also, I forgot Kara was a reporter. I forgot.) is just getting to work and Kara bombards him right away because she’s got a story about the jewel thieves Supergirl stopped last night. Snapper just wants five freakin’ minutes for his danish and coffee and while I’m not generally a fan of his prickly reporter schtick, this is me being on #TeamSnapper. James joins the pede-conference to say that Guardian was so instrumental in the takedown and in fact he wrote his own hot take on it.

1- I’m sure this is all A+, totally ethical reporting coming from these two.
2- Snapper just wants his coffee, damn.
3. I hate this. Make it end. Someone tell Kara it’s Jimmy, like, yesterday.

Samantha: This is excruciating. Why do superhero shows do this? Also, reason number 567 why Kara being a reporter irks me.

Catherine: ALSO Jimmy is like… asking if he can post a piece in the magazine that he’s running? WHY are they not showing Jimmy running CatCo at all ever? Why is it all this Guardian stuff and him acting like a cub reporter? If you wanted him to be a reporter, make him that. He’s supposed to be CEO ffs.

Mari: Alas.

It seems like Snapper is finally going to get rid of them all, but then a very worried woman steps in his path and says that she needs his help.

In his office, Worried Woman tells her story: her daughter Izzy disappeared 3 days ago. They had a fight and Izzy stormed out and never came home. Worried Woman pulls out a missing missing flyer she made and has been posting all around. Worried Woman went to the police, who think the girl is just a runaway, so there isn’t anything they can do. Snapper asks if her daughter has ever run away before and Worried Woman huffs at him. It was her birthday yesterday. Her daughter would’ve called. Kara grabs tissue for Worried Woman (Mrs. Williams) and tells her that they are going to find her daughter. Mrs. Williams thanks Kara with a hug and leaves.

Snapper is not happy. He probably still hasn’t had his coffee, but also I feel like he hates happiness. He doesn’t think this is news and also he really wants his coffee and danish and now he’s ranking it above mothers finding their daughters so I’m no longer sure I can remain #TeamSnapper, so that was fast.

Samantha: Valid, he’s not enjoyable, and I miss Cat. Also, Kara should head over to Mars Investigations for some sleuthing tips.

Mari: Bar. Kara sits at the bar and orders a club soda. Low and behold, White Out is the new bartender and all the Snark Ladies BOOOOOO in unison. (C: BOOOOOO!) Mon El says that after the incident (uh… I’m having super-amnesia…) (S: The bar got bombed by Cyborg Superman and a lot of aliens died) (C: Or whatever.) the bar was a little short staffed and he figured he liked alcohol so it was a good match. Kara says that she’s glad that someone feels like they fit in somewhere. Mon El asks her what’s going on and Kara says she’s just been feeling betwixt and between as of late. But a story came across her desk about a missing girl and she’s determined to find her. Mon El tells her that if she goes looking for trouble, she’ll find it, and Kara thanks him for his totally useless face advice.

Kara spots Maggie and that’s who she is meeting here. They sit together at a booth and Maggie hands over the missing person’s report for Izzy Williams, but it isn’t much information. Kara says any bit helps. Maggie tells her that there’s been a spike in disappearances, but nothing to link them all. Kara wonders out loud where they are. I do that with my keys all the time, Kara, and it doesn’t work.

Shady empty warehouse. A shady guy in a lab coat tells another guy that everything is okay with his lab work and there is just one more test and it involves him standing in a specific spot. About to Be Kidnapped stands there and Shady Lab Coat presses a button that bathes them in purple light. Two heavies appear to drag About to Be Kidnapped into the light while Shady Lab Coat looks on smugly.

DICHEN LACHMAN comes out of the shadows and while I remember very little about her turn as the alien fight club lady, she’s still Dichen Lachman so I’m very excited that she’s on my screen. Shady Lab Coat tells her it’s another perfect candidate and Dichen (Roulette) says she’s always happy to help.

Catherine: Honestly, you don’t need to remember that much. Alien fight club lady. That’s about it.

Mari: Great! Nailed it.

After a not!break, Kara gives Winn a flash drive with all the missing person info and asks him to find some connections and stuff. Winn is wearing sunglasses indoors to hide his black eye because he is a master of disguise. Kara just pulls his glasses off. Winn lies that he got mugged but also clearly doesn’t want to talk about this.

Alex walks in, beaming and happy. Kara takes her a little aside to giggle over her obvious happiness.

Winn interrupts giggle time because he’s found something: they all had blood work done a few days before they went missing. Alex offers to come along with Kara, but she tells her to just keep standing around and beaming.

CatCo. Kara is there now but also preparing to leave there now. It’s a clunky transition made worse because we are only here to let Mon El encounter Kara, after taking his second day of work off, and decide to tag along with her.

Waiting room. Mon El is reading a Goofus and Gallant thing in a Highlights magazine and asks who he’s more like. Kara answers Goofus immediately. Shady Lab Coat [SLC] comes out to the waiting room and said he heard there were some strapping Millenials waiting out there. (C: I gotta admit, I lol’ed. It was delivered well.) Kara and Mon El awkwardly say they are here to get more information about this whole thing because their website said it was a way to make some quick cash. SLC says it’s a clinical trial for a new to market supplement and they are just looking to examine the effect of the supplement on base metabolic rates. SLC grabs some clipboards and hands them over, saying that they just need to get some blood work. Kara says they can’t give blood because it’s against their religion. Mon El is trying to ad lib along with her, but he keeps saying things slightly more awkward than they need to be.

SLC decides these two look kidnapable enough without the blood work so he just leads them straight on back into the empty warehouse. He places them in position while asking how they heard about this. Kara says her friend Izzy told her about it, but she hasn’t heard from her since them. SLC confirms that Izzy did come through and then he unveils a big machine. He turns it on and purple light from a portal fills the middle of the machine. Mon El is like WTF and SLC says they did want to travel. He transforms into an alien. The two heavies reappear and Kara fights one back. Mon El punches the one that grabbed him. Alien SLC takes that as his cue to leave and jumps into the portal.

Kara rips off her clothes and throws them all at Mon El. She tells him to go back to the DEO and make sure they send a team in after her. Even though she doesn’t know what she’s jumping in to, she’s gonna jump into it.

On the other side, Supergirl lands somewhere red and rocky. An alien that looks like SLC attacks Supergirl and it hurts her. A second alien is about to attack her, but Mon El jumps out of the portal and takes out the alien. He notices that Kara’s hand is bleeding and she points out the red sun, like Krypton and Daxam, so no yellow sun powers. Mon El wants to get out ASAP, but of course, the portal closes. Mon El asks now who is going to help them.

Samantha: Well, no one, since you didn’t go get the backup that Kara asked for and now no one even knows what happened.

Mari: After another not!break, Mon El is slapping the portal controls he can’t get to work. Supergirl is real set on going after all the kidnapped humans, even without their powers. Mon El protests, but she tells him no one actually invited him in through this portal so. The hear a shuttle and look like directly in the direction where they were already looking and just suddenly notice a huge ship and little transport vessels and something Mon El calls Murder Castle, which sounds like a Snark Squad nickname so I don’t hate him for half of one second.

Winn is looking at his black eye in the locker room and Jimmy shows up so you just know we are going to have another of the million broody r we heroes? chats that seem to be their sole purpose in this season so far. Jimmy says he’s got some hero work for them to do and Winn says probably no since he just almost got killed. Jimmy tries to comfort him by saying that everyone gets their asses kicked (…?) but that is not actually what Winn wants to hear right now. He slams his locker shut and emotionally yells that he’s totally fine behind his DEO desk and can’t go out there with Jimmy again. He just can’t. He quits.

Samantha: *snore* Oh wha- sorry dozed off there, the brooding was so tiring.

Catherine: I would have been on board with this whole ‘Winn has PTSD from almost getting killed’ thing if it had happened, oh, I don’t know, LIKE 50 ATTEMPTED MURDERS AGO? He’s been hanging with the heroes and almost getting killed for 2 seasons.  This is like the only time he’s even been nearly killed by a human. Where is this coming from? Why is he suddenly freaking out?

Mari: Plot!

Alex interrupts and I’ve never been happier to see her. Kara isn’t answering her phone so she asks Winn to text her the details on the missing persons case Kara was on.

Red Sun Planet. Much struggling. Mon El says that on Earth, everyone likes rating things so this is a 1 out of 5 star planet. (S: Mon-El is a 1 out of 5 star sidekick.) Kara and Mon El start remembering traveling to better planets than this, but happy memory time ends when Mon El gets his leg stuck in a trap and an alien on a cliff nearby points his gun at them.

Alex and a team from the DEO have found the warehouse. Watching from the DEO, Hank says that he’s seen the big alien machine and it’s a portal for traveling between planets. Winn nerds out about it being Stargate. Alex is worried because her sister is not on Earth.

Red Planet Camp. Supergirl and Mon El are in a tent, watching the alien that captured them eat dinner. Mon El jokes about being the next course, but the alien, Jo, speaks English and assures them that he doesn’t eat bipeds. That would be more assuring if Jo hadn’t learned English from dissecting a human. Supergirl stands and Jo gets a little nervous, but she tells him that they aren’t here to hurt him. She pulls out the missing poster from her… cape pocket… and tells Jo they are looking for that girl.

Samantha: Sure, Kara’s cape gets pockets but 1 in 3 pairs of pants I try on with have fake pockets, that I don’t realize are fake until I get home, because what in the heck is the point of fake out pockets?

Mari: Straight villainy.

Jo tells Supergirl that the girl came through the portal and was taken to Murder Castle to be sold with the other carbon lifeforms. Slaving is big on Maaldaria. Having heard the name, Mon El now knows that they are on what the locals call Slaver’s Moon. The royal family of Daxam used to buy their slaves here because of course Daxam had slaves. Mon El says they have to leave NOW but Supergirl is adamant about taking on a whole slaving colony while powerless. Even Jo is like, “girl no.” because there is no way in or out (which can’t technically be true…) and Supergirl says there is one way.

Murder Castle. SLC is there and in his human skin for no reason. Supergirl and Mon El walk in and surrender. They are put in a holding cell with the rest of the kidnapped humans. Supergirl sees Izzy and gives her the cliff notes version of the last 20 minutes of episode: missing daughter, worried mother, invested reporter, Supergirl has no powers. Everyone is really bummed out about that last piece of news, even though Supergirl promises to help them all. And just then, Dichen Roulette sashays out of the shadows (that’s like 90% of all she does on this show) and says that Supergirl is once again in one of her cages.

DEO. Winn has tracked Kara to Slaver’s Moon, which now Hank explains is bad news, on account of that red sun. Also because he can’t go in there and help because the atmosphere is toxic to Martians. Maggie shows up since Alex wasn’t answering her calls. Alex is all worried and twitchy and somehow that leads to her blaming her brief happiness on this development and she kind of breaks up with Maggie? It’s really, really cheap tension.

Samantha: Fuuuuuuck this nonsense.

Catherine: This is some bullshit.

Mari: Maaldoria. Supergirl asks Roulette what she’s doing there. Roulette gives a whole villain speech about how she was in the market for something evil and new after Supergirl shut down her alien fight club and I guess human trafficking seemed right. As an added bonus, this planet is full of diamonds. Shady Lab Coat and a skeleton looking alien walk in with the news that all the humans have been sold.

At the bad guy warehouse, Hank gives Alex some kind of weapon they had super contrived for just this occasion. Winn is explaining how to open the portal but Alex tells him to hold it, because he’s coming with. Winn starts freaking out because the last time he tried to be useful outside, he got punched and almost shot. Alex tries to calm him down and gives him a little pep talk about being terrified her first time in the field too. Nobody gets better by running away.

Supergirl is giving her own little pep talk now, telling the other humans that she’s definitely going to save them all. Mon El calls her over so that they can rehash the same damn argument they’ve been having since he showed up about how Kara is a superhero and believes in things and does things and Mon El is unconvinced and not a hero and also a little bit useless.

SLC shows up to take the humans and apparently Supergirl’s plan is to just refuse and get electrocuted with alien guns. We cut to black with Kara still being electrocuted.

Catherine: I mean… no one else has a plan, I guess?

Mari: True.

After the break, the other humans are all inspired by Supergirl’s commitment to doing the right thing and stuff and they all attack the aliens together. And win! It’s kind of weird because SLC and Roulette just kind of casually give in like it’s a minor inconvenience. But okay. The humans put those two in a cell and run away.

The DEO team walk out of the portal. Winn is the last one through and he’s wowed by the whole being in space thing. Alex says the rest of the team is going on the rescue mission and it’s Winn’s job to make sure they can get home. He’s not thrilled about being left alone, but he starts chanting “I am not a red shirt,” and it’s funny.

Samantha: I relate to that deeply.

Catherine: Love how Alex is like ‘You have to be brave! We can do this!’ and then ditches him the second they get there. Not saying I don’t understand her reasoning, though.

Mari: The DEO busts into Murder Castle and starts an all out gun fight with the aliens. Alex manages to wrestle away a gun from one of the aliens and she loves her gun. With the other group, Mon El does the same. Supergirl is helping people through a door (literally just flight attendant directing them) but the point of this is really to have her in the background and unaware while Mon El is kind of cornered by that Skeleton Alien and his buddy. The Buddy Alien points his gun at Supergirl, but Mon El gets in the way and the Skeleton Alien lowers Buddy’s gun. In their alien dialect, Skeleton says Mon El is not to be harmed and bows to him. Yikes.

Samantha: Gross.

Catherine: Don’t forget, he did SOMETHING on Daxam. It was SECRET and DARK. And they haven’t revealed what it was yet so we neither know nor care.

Mari: The DEO team and Supergirl et all meet in the middle of Murder Castle. Alex hugs her sister who is kind of surprised that the DEO found them. “Always,” Alex promises.

Winn is figuring out the portal stuff when an alien knocks him down and points a gun at him in a exact mirror of what happened at the beginning of the episode. Oh wow. I wonder what will happen? Will Winn defend himself and have his moment of growth? Winn defends himself and has his moments of growth. (C: This story line was so cheap I could’ve bought it and had about 5 dollas left over.)

He’s still celebrating when everyone else runs into the frame.

Winn smacks the portal control until it starts up. Everyone with a speaking part helps the extras through the portal. Jo shows up and wants to know if he can hitch a ride since he helped them. Supergirl agrees.

Catherine: If you notice, Supergirl helps Winn through the portal first and then the others go through yet he’s still standing there when Jo arrives. A blooper! That was entertaining to me for almost a whole minute.

Mari: And yet, I don’t think bloopers should be our main source of entertainment in a show.

Somehow, Izzy has gotten captured again. Plus there’s a big ass ship coming for them. Supegirl goes after Izzy and Alex figures this is the right moment for their super special weapon. She releases it and it turns out to be a yellow sun grenade, granting Supergirl some temporary powers. Don’t even try to think about the how or why here. We’re 8 minutes away from the end, y’all. Go with it. (S: But….uhm….okay.)

Supergirl uses her heat vision to shoot the big ass ship from the sky. The alien holding Izzy is intimidated enough that he lets her go and runs away. Everyone gets through the portal successfully and Supergirl uses her heat vision to destroy the portal. Everyone cheers and congratulates themselves. Supergirl and J’onn even hug. Jo gives us the last har har har of the scene by pointing out that Earth smells funny. Whatever, Jo, you invited yourself to this party.

Catherine: I genuinely thought they were gonna freeze frame high five. This was SO cheese.

Mari: CatCo. Kara walks in with Izzy and reunites her with her mother. It’s badly acted but in a touching way. Kara stomps over to Snapper’s office to present her story with all the first hand accounts and bells and whistles. Snapper is dry and unimpressed so Kara has to deliver what I hope is the final big speech of the episode, and this one is all about following her heart instead of her head.

Catherine: After she leaves, Snapper is all “Good job, kid” quietly and I shudder to think they’re trying to turn him into a Perry White equivalent since that type of ‘forcing them out of the nest’ thing was his deal a lot. YOU ARE NOT PERRY WHITE, SIR. YOU HAVE NO EARNED WHAT HE HAS EARNED.

Mari: Winn finds Jimmy to tell him that his PTSD is gone, I guess, since he went to an alien planet.

Alex’s apartment, where Alex is apologizing to Maggie, explaining that she’s always had so much responsibility that the few times she did things for herself, it ended badly. And then today Supergirl went missing and she blew a gasket. Maggie guesses that it’s because Supergirl is Kara. Alex tries to play it off for a second before she’s like, “yeah, okay.” Maggie knew because of how worried Alex was and also because “the glasses don’t help.” I think Maggie just became Sam’s favorite character.

Samantha: I’M SCREAMING! This is AMAZING but also, if the glasses don’t help then WHY DOESN’T EVERYONE FIGURE IT OUT? I hate love this.

Mari: Maggie tells Alex that bad things happen in their line of work all the time. How does she know that Alex won’t break up with her every single damn time? Alex says she won’t. She wants to be happy with Maggie. They hug, though Maggie says this is Alex’s one chance.

Mon El shows up to the Super Pad with some club soda. They get comfy on the couch and Mon El says that maybe there wasn’t much to inspire him on Daxam. Kara asks about the prince and Mon El says he wasn’t all that. Which is probably the further confirmation we get that Mon El IS the prince? Did we already know that? I’ll delete this if we did… Maybe.

Samantha: I… in the flashback we were lead to believe that he was like… the Prince’s friend/bodyguard/servant or something? I think.

Catherine: I don’t think we knew that… I feel like they haven’t said it. And I hadn’t even really thought of it. So that’s his DARK SECRET that I don’t care about?

Mari: TBD.

Anyway, Mon El has decided that he wants to be superhero like Kara with a cape and morals and stuff. Kara’s really giggly in this scene so they are ramping up the ship, I suppose. Kara also has a gift for Mon El: A Highlights magazine because yesterday, Mon El was a little less Goofus and a little more Gallant.

Slaver’s Moon. SLC is looking over all the damage. Two aliens in black hoods appear and ask SLC where Mon-El of Daxam is. SLC points them to Earth and gets shot anyway.

I’m really upset that Mon El got some of the best lines of the episode.

 

Next time on Supergirl: Kara finds out who Guardian is and she mad in S02 E10 – We Can be Heroes.