Previously: We thought it was an argument chapter but then they started having sex.
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Samantha: Hello. Let’s start this post with some deep breathing. Everyone breathe in. Breath out. In. And out. Take a sip of whatever fortifying beverage you brought with you. Okay.
Marines: We’re here with you and for you, Samantha.
Samantha: Tessa is thinking about how badly she wants to put that condom on Hardin. And, inexplicably, how that thought is embarrassing. Kay. Hardin starts to ask her something and she says, and I quote, “If you ask if I’m sure, I will kill you.” Cooooooooooool. Let’s minimize and mock checking in for clear consent. Not to mention the fuzzy badness that is Hardin being drunk right now.
Mari: I was momentarily surprised that there was such a clear ask, because it isn’t common in media. It can be painted as unsexy to stop and ask. And then, Todd ruins it all by having our protagonist hate it so much that she threatens murder.
Samantha: It’s all good though because he was actually just going to ask for help with the condom. They put it on together and Hardin gets all swoony in his pants over it. Tessa jokes, “That wasn’t so bad for a virgin and a drunk”. Ha ha ha ha….wait…I don’t think Anna Todd knows what a joke is.
Hardin clarifies that he’s not currently drunk because arguing with Tessa sobered him up. Is that… a thing?
Mari: Yes, because I can imagine being within any proximity to Hardin would be enough to kill any good, buzzy, happy or inebriated feelings.
Samantha: Tessa is relieved specifically so he doesn’t pass out or puke on her. (M: Absolutely no worries about consent, just puke!) Gee, now I’m swooning in my pants! (I am not. Everyone take another fortifying sip.)
He parts her legs, and she hopes, inside her brain, that he will be gentle with her. Not, you know, communicating this fear/want out loud with her partner. Luckily, Hardin, Virgin Sex Guru, tells her they need to go slow and she needs to tell him if she wants him to stop. I am experiencing doubts that Tessa is capable of that.
He… enters her (what is my life?) and it hurts A LOT and she’s incredibly uncomfortable. Hardin is being gentle or whatever but also having the time of his life and stuff. She’s crying a little from the pain and wanting to cry more and I am SO DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE. Especially cause he’s experiencing so much pleasure that he can barely talk. How can it be that good when she’s just lying there rigid and in pain???????
Of course the pain is all totally worth it for a man’s pleasure. Literally.
The pain almost completely disappears as I watch him coming undone.
And
I would take the pain over and over to be able to feel this way, this deep-seated connection to Hardin that takes me somewhere I never knew existed.
Can we please stop with the myth that it’s sexy and romantic for women to suffer for men’s pleasure in any way?
Mari: Like, okay, so there is something to the ideas of intimacy and a shared connection and enjoying bringing your partner pleasure. Todd has a way of making things creepy, though, and everything has to be taken in context. They fought, he runs off and gets drunk, suddenly it’s sex time, she’s crying in pain, and then this? She would suffer the pain over and over because at least Hardin gets off? And in a losing your virginity scene?
BOOOOOOOOOOO.
Samantha: Right, good clarifying, I agree that in normal healthy relationships shared connections and partner pleasure can be A+ intimate and nice.
She loves him so much, and she knows he loves her, and she’s swoony in the pants because he’s trying so hard to control himself, time has slowed, and so on. She tells him she loves him, and he finally comes. “Promises of forever and unconditional love are made as he tenses and gently falls onto me.” This is written weirdly, I’m not sure if they genuinely out loud made these promises or if that’s just more Tessa narration flavor text.
Mari: Actual words or metaphor for semen? WHO KNOWS.
Samantha: He asks how she is, and she presses her thighs together to dull the pain as she tells him she’s okay. She found the whole thing “exquisite” and god can we just fade to black now or whatever? He tells her it was the best ever with her because he loves her and this was his first time with a virgin. Tessa thinks about “this beautiful, flawed man who just made love for the first time in his life.“
HONESTLY Tessa’s ridiculous flowery bullshit inner monologue was worse than the penetration descriptions. Only because it’s so unbelievable and dumb, just two chapters ago he threw a tantrum because she asked what his job was. Last chapter he showed up drunk and made her deeply uncomfortable. Your romance has no place here.
Anyway, I did it, I’m gonna go take a damn nap.
Mari:
Next time on After: Pillow talk in chapter 79.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
