Charmed S03 E14 – We are all confusion.

Previously: A wedding made them evil.
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The Good, the Bad & the Cursed

Marines: Abandoned town of some sort. Phoebe asks her deadbeat dad what the heck they are doing there, and they share a laugh over the fact that they are both lying liars who lies. Victor wants more info on Leo, since he is marrying Piper soon. Phoebe realizes that her dad doesn’t know Leo is a whitelighter, ooops. Suddenly, Phoebe hears some banging. She sees a tumbleweed blowing by and some of the doors on the old buildings are banging in the non-existent wind. Phoebe blows it off as just ghost town things, but the Victor is like, “no but really. Are there ghosts?” Turns out he didn’t bring her out here to spend quality time, but because he wants to buy this property and wants to know if the ghosts are real. 

Jessica: Ah, now it’s making sense. Charmed sense, that is.

Mari: Phoebe hears more ghost-y noises, but Victor doesn’t hear anything. Suddenly, Phoebe sees ghosts. One western guy punches a Native American, calling him Geronimo as he shoots at him. Please, Lord, no. Spare me from any racism if I already have to deal with this storyline.  The ghost, whose name is Bo, stumbles and falls through Phoebe before disappearing, but Phoebe is left with a bloody lip, right where Racist Cowboy punched Bo.

I AM THE SAHN. 

Manor. Piper is laying out the settings for the table. Prue walks in and asks why there are six plates at the table. There is this whole long drawn out bit where Piper admits it’s for their dead mom. At least their mom can be there in spirit. IDK why this is such a big deal since they were talking about their mom and grandma being at the wedding in the last episode, but okay.

This episode is directed by Shannon Doherty. I don’t know if any others have been, but I just noticed that during this really boring introduction. 

Jessica: I did not notice that! Now I’m going to be questioning a lot more about the choices in this episode. But I’ll be quiet about it for now.

Mari: Leo tinkles in, and Piper snaps at him for interrupting a sister moment. Leo offers to leave but then she snaps that he’s supposed to stay and help with rehearsal dinner stuff. (J: To be fair, Leo is pretty clueless about everything.) Prue asks if Leo is nervous about the wedding. He jinxes it by saying everything will be fine as long as no demons come through their door for a whole week.

Jessica: Yep, like I said.

Annie: He’s very bad at this.

Mari: “This” being “everything.”

Victor yells out, “Prue? Piper?” before he comes in. Phoebe’s lip is still bleeding so they all rush to ask what happened. The entire back of Prue’s shirt is missing. It’s a long sleeve shirt, but the entire back is gone. I am confusion.

Jessica: From certain angles it looks like a normal shirt, but no. It is literally half a shirt, held together by a tied string in the back. I don’t even know.

Annie: The fashion was always one of Charmed’s biggest mysteries.

Mari: We’ll try to focus.

Phoebe gives the tl;dr version of what happened to her, except she leaves out get information like “ghost town” and “dad took me to see ghosts” so they are all also confusion. Leo offers to “take care of” her lip, but Phoebe shiftily says no. She tells her dad to go get all the files about the ghost town. 

When he leaves, Phoebe tells everyone that Victor doesn’t know Leo is a Whitelighter.

      

Jessica: Piper really annoys me in this episode. More than usual.

Mari: Victor comes back in with a bunch of papers and blueprints. He doesn’t get how this is gonna help. Phoebe is like, “it’s your ghost town mister,” and the fact that Bo the Ghost fell through Phoebe and she ended up with his same busted lip must mean there are actual ghosts. Leo points out that ghosts don’t bleed, and Piper clears her throat. So Leo pretends to not know what he’s talking about. Victor tells him they should leave the supernatural stuff to the pros and go grab a bite to eat. Leo is reluctant, but off they go.

Jessica: It also has this “let’s leave the women to their womanly things” vibe that is weird and I don’t like it.

Mari: Diner, where the men are doing man things. Victor asks if Leo’s really a handyman. Leo says no, he’s a doctor. Not a doctor, doctor, but a counselor doctor. He guides people. Victor asks if he makes good money; Leo says he doesn’t. It’s more of a calling. Victor says they need to have a man-to-man, mortal-to-mortal talk. It’s hard being married to a witch. Victor wasn’t prepared, and his marriage failed. There is something out there worse than demons and warlocks, something that will sneak up on you and destroy your marriage. “Leo,” Victor dramatics. “Do you know what a Whitelighter is?” Leo looks very uncomfortable. 

Living Room. Piper is looking through the Book of Shadows, Prue is looking through the town papers, and Phoebe is nursing her wounds. They do that thing where they just talk everything out and make all the right logic jumps, ending up at: TIME LOOPS. None of the town paperwork goes past a certain date, so they must be stuck in a loop! Piper opens the BoS to the exact right page and reads about how great evil or great injustice can cause time loops until righted. 

Doorbell. Prue runs up to get it and SURPRISE! It’s Cole with flowers. Prue telekinesises his ass across the room.

Phoebe has to quickly explain that yes, Cole is back, and she talked to him last week, but she told him to go away. Cole isn’t giving up, though, and he’s not going to use his powers ever again. It keeps him from being evil. Prue tells him he’ll always be a demon, so Cole clarifies that he’s half-demon. His human side can suppress it. Prue wants to fling him around some more, but the table is already set for the rehearsal dinner. Plus, they all get distracted when Phoebe has a premonition of Bo the Ghost getting shot, but taking out a knife and killing Racist Cowboy with his last breaths. Out of the premonition, Phoebe falls as she tells everyone that she’s been shot.

Jessica: Worst. Power. Ever.

Annie: Seriously. I’d want to return that power.

Mari: Diner. Victor is still mortal-splaining to Leo what a Whitelighter is and giving his revisionist history of his failed marriage. Leo hears the tinkle-alarm, though, and he’s got to go. He apologizes to Victor for leaving suddenly and for the way he has to leave. He tinkles out.

Jessica: Honestly, that charade lasted longer than I thought it would. Leo = not the brightest, and terrible about thinking on his feet.

Mari: Manor. Leo tinkles in and asks what the hell Cole is doing there. No time for that because Phoebe has been shot. He tries to heal it, but it doesn’t work. She explains about her premonition gunshot wound. Leo can’t heal it because it’s more like a psychic echo than a real wound. (A: Duh, of course.) Bo is the one who has to be healed. Cole adds that Bo must be magical, which is the only way he could wound-Skype with Phoebe, or whatever. The P’s have no idea what to do, so Cole is the only useful one. He says the time loop must exist on a separate plane. He can shimmer there and bring Bo back for healing. Phoebe tells Leo to just go with him, but Leo can’t. He can’t work with a demon. Prue volunteers to go with Cole, not that she can heal anyone, but I guess to keep an eye on Cole? Leo and Piper are going to go to the ghost town to look for clues. Phoebe is going to be dying on the couch. Cole tells Prue to hold his hand, and she begrudgingly does so. They shimmer out. Victor runs in and he’s pissed, but there’s no time. He can stay behind so I guess Phoebe doesn’t have to die alone now. Leo and Piper tinkle out. (J: LOOOL, I’m dying through your whole description of their terrible plan, but it is 100% accurate.) 

Different Plane, wild wild west. Prue just goes marching out there, so Cole has to pull her back and hide her. And it’s weird because he pins her to the wall and just covers her body with his? In a sexual tension-y way? Like, ew bro. Prue wants to be in charge, but she doesn’t really have a plan. Cole has one and it starts with stealing the clothes off of dead bodies. 

Prue and Cole walk into a saloon and head to the bar. Prue orders a moonshine and the bartender is like whut. Cole orders them two whiskeys instead, telling Prue that she watches too many old movies. Prue thinks he’s confusing her with Phoebe and he says, “not a chance.” IS THIS SEXUAL TENSION? IS THIS ON PURPOSE? (J: NOW I AM CONFUSION!)

The barkeep tells them they should drink their drinks and get out of town because things are getting dangerous. Prue is annoyed that he’ll only talk to Cole, but he shushes her because they need to just lie low and get some info. (A: Women are to be seen and not heard, c’mon.) Prue name drops Sutter, a name she got from one of Phoebe’s premonitions, so the barkeep says that one of Sutter’s men just got killed. And now there will be hell to pay. 

Sutter, aka Racist Cowboy, walks in and starts asking for “the half-breed.” (A: Nope, I hate this.) There’s a Native woman sitting at a table, so he walks over to her and asks where her brother is. The woman says she doesn’t know, and even if she did, she wouldn’t tell. Prue wants to intervene, but Cole holds her back. Sutter moves on to a nervous cowboy who swears he hasn’t seen Bo since he left. Sutter signals one of his men who goes over and stabs Nervous Cowboy in the hand. Prue does jump in now, pushing away the Sutter Lackey and helping Nervous Cowboy with his wound. Cole keeps trying to warn Prue, but she’s fearlessly barreling ahead. Sutter Lackey says he doesn’t usually hit women, but will make an exception since Prue is dressed as a man. Prue punches him instead and breaks a bottle over his head. She also pulls out two guns and is suddenly an expert marksman? Cool. Cole’s got a gun, too.

  

Jessica: Shannon Doherty-specific director stuff? Eh? Eh?

Mari: Cole faces off with one of the lackeys until Sutter calls off his men and says they will deal with these two later. He threatens everyone again, saying he’ll burn the town down in order to find Bo. Melodramatic Lackey tells Cole they have unfinished gun business, which seems like a lot to take to heart after a very brief interaction, but okay. 

After a not!break, Bo’s sister is expositing: Sutter is a railroad guy who is trying to take over the town, basically. Bo kept fighting even when the town had mostly given up. Prue says that they know Bo is injured, that he’s shot, and they can help him if she trusts them. Isabel says she does. Bo said they’d come. Turns out, Bo has dreams about the future. He inherited the gift from their medicine man father, though he’s been hiding it recently. He knew it would be considered evil in the white man’s world. Prue is like, “wow, this is a good time for me to say that I, as a white woman, totally relate.” And then Cole is like, “yes, me too.” Thanks for your input, guys. (J: insert largest eye roll here)

Anyway, Isabelle has horses waiting for them. Cole thinks they should just kill Sutter first, but Prue tells him that if he’s gonna try to be good, he’s got to slow down on the whole murder thing. 

Of course, since they just conspicuously ride out of town, someone sees them do it. 

Ghost Town. Leo and Piper are looking around. Mostly Piper is complaining about everything. There’s a crow that keeps cawing and it draws Piper’s attention to the saloon. She remembers that Phoebe said that Bo got in a fight there, so they go check it out. Piper picks up a bunch of papers without looking at them and complains that they can’t find anything. Leo is like okay wait, that’s actually important. It’s the newspaper from the day the time loop started. Bo is set to die at sundown. Leo says they have to warn Prue and Cole they don’t have until midnight, and neither does Phoebe. I can’t remember why they decided they had until midnight, but we’re rolling with it.

Jessica: They mentioned something earlier about having to get back by midnight, and I almost thought it was like a Cinderella joke? But I guess not. Still can’t answer your question though.

Annie: Totally thought it was a reference joke, too, so I guess we’re just bad at TV?

Mari: No, no. I think this TV is bad at TV.

Phoebe is still dying of a gunshot wound. I was kind of joking about that earler, but then Phoebe tells her dad that she’s dying of a gunshot wound. Leo and Piper tinkle in with the news that they only have until sundown. They tell Phoebe she should try to send Bo a vision, since he’s been sending ones to her. Maybe then Bo can warn Cole and Prue. 

Isabel has led Cole and Prue to Bo. Prue wants to be in charge again (J: *cough* director *cough*), so Cole asks if it would kill her to be nice to him. Prue’s like LOL, funny, on account of all the times you tried to kill me. Cole says that’s in the past, but IDK how comforting it is if attempted murder is in the past? It’s like, at any moment, you might try to bring it to the present, you know? Cole says that she’s going to have to vanquish him in order to keep him away from Phoebe. Sounds evil, bro. 

They finally get to Bo hiding in an old church. I thought Bo had a dream about them coming? But maybe not because he doesn’t want them there, now? He thinks this is all a trick. They try to explain about Phoebe and how they want to help, but Bo feels the evil vibes from Cole. Prue asks him to focus on her, because she doesn’t have evil vibes. And if they don’t help him, Phoebe could die and the town could be cursed. Prue says maybe if they show off their powers, he would believe them. Cole shimmers in and out as a demonstration. 

Sutter is using his whip to break bottles. His lackeys don’t have any good updates. Sutter gives an evil speech. Nervous Cowboy comes to double cross Bo and report where he’s hiding. 

Prue needs to telekinesis the bullet out. She warns Bo that it’s going to hurt. He yells and back at the Manor, Phoebe does too. The pain triggers a premonition. She watches as Sutter whips Bo and then shoots him, sending the town into the curse. Back with Bo, he tells Prue that he believes her story now. 

Phoebe is sobbing because of how horrible the premonition was. Victor starts yelling about how useless Leo is and what good is a whitelighter. I mean, I call Leo useless a lot, but I don’t want to agree with Victor either, especially because he’s the most useless. Leo snaps that he is trusting Prue to not let her own sister die. And as much as he hates to admit it, Cole loves Phoebe and won’t let her die either. You could’ve just stopped at the Prue thing, Useless. 

Sutter and his men go after Bo. Cole wants to shimmer Bo back to Leo for some healing, but Prue says no. The Greater Good is at stake, so they have to save the whole town. Cole is skeptical, but Prue says this is what good people do. Bo pipes up that he has to hand himself over because the curse isn’t about him dying. It’s about the town standing by, watching him as it happened. The curse is a chance for them to redeem themselves, helping save themselves by saving him. 

Bo very dramatically turns himself in. I mean, there are white doves and mystical music oh my god. (J: Not to mention the slow motion. This was… a thing.)

Bo gets dragged into town and everyone watches. Isabel wants to intervene, but Prue says that Bo knows what he’s doing. Sutter starts whipping Bo. At the Manor, Phoebe cries out in pain. Even though Prue just was anti-interference, she starts riling up the townspeople, telling them that they can take out Sutter together. Cole joins in, too. (J: I thought Bo or his sister were going to give the big speech, but he said nothing. I am disappointed that the “rile them up” speech moments went to Prue and Cole.) Sutter pulls out his gun to kill Bo, but it gets shot out of his hand by the Barkeep. Everyone whips out their gun and tells Sutter to GTFO. 

Sutter uses Isabel as a shield until he’s able to mount his horse and ride away. Cole asks if maybe they can do something now? Prue is all about it. She mounts her horse, now that she’s an expert horsewoman, and rides after him, shooting him in the shoulder. Then she uses her telekinesis to throw him into the jail. 

In the town, a gun is fired. We see that Cole is facing off against Melodramatic Lackey. Cole runs out of bullets, but no worries. He just LIGHTS THE MAN ON FIRE and laughs and laughs and laughs. Prue walks in on this and tells him once a demon, always a demon. Cole is upset because he couldn’t just not murder. Hate when you mess that up. 

Manor. Prue and Cole show back up.

  

Phoebe is fine. Time loop is broken. It’s time for the rehearsal dinner, so Cole thinks it’s time for him to go. Phoebe tells him he’s not going anywhere, and Prue and Piper watch as she kisses him. I guess it’s not a big deal that he just murdered someone? He’s just going to join the rehearsal dinner now? 

Annie: Murderers deserve invites to rehearsal dinners, too, Mari. 

Mari: Okay, well.

Jessica: I guess I can give Phoebe a pass on her COMPLETE REVERSAL FROM LAST EPISODE here since she was dying and all, but…. there’s no way I’m giving Prue a pass on that shirt. What even is it?

Mari: Evil.

 

Next time on Charmed: Prue’s astral projecting and Piper’s worrying in S03 E15 – Just Harried.