Westworld S01 E05 – Ixnay on the Ollday

Previously: Man in Black got more clues and William agreed to play black hat.
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Contrapasso

Marines: 3D-PRINTED ROBOTS!

Ford is in the Basement of Don’t Go in There, visiting Old Bill. Old Bill asks for a story. (J: Old Bill is not ready for this story, no one is ready.) Ford has one about the saddest thing he ever saw. When he was a boy, he wanted a dog, so his father took in an old greyhound. (J: Lord.) Ford assumes that Old Bill has never seen a greyhound (um, on account of being an old robot…) but Old Bill whirs and struggles that he’s seen a few showdowns in his day. Ford looks disappointed with the nonsensical answer, but continues the story.

The greyhound was a racing dog that spent its life running around in circles, chasing a bit of felt. (J: Cue Sarah McLachlan.) They took the dog to the park one day. Their father warned them how fast the dog was. The kids took the dog off the leash and in that instant, the dog spotted a cat Ford imagines must’ve looked like that piece of felt. He ran after it until he finally caught it and killed it. Then, he just sat there, confused. “That dog had spent its whole life trying to catch that… thing. Now it had no idea what to do.”

Jess: Ford paints a picture of me after grad school. 

Mari: Too real, Jess. Too real.

Ford snaps out of it when Old Bill whirs and gives his programmed response. Old Bill proposes they drink to the lady with the white shoes. Ford just looks at Old Bill thoughtfully and vaguely murder-y.

Dolores stands in a cemetery. Mystery Man’s Voice tells her to find him. Dolores replies, presumably in her thoughts, that he should show her how. We get flashes of the church we briefly saw when Dolores was talking to (or imagining) Lawrence’s daughter. She snaps out of her reverie, I guess, and while she is in a cemetery, she’s not alone. She’s with Logan, William and Slim, the bandit they hunted down, standing just outside of Pariah. Slim reminds them of how grateful El Lazo will be about his safe return.

They all walk into the town, taking in their surroundings, while Logan exposits some about how the park gets more grandiose and less market tested the further you get from Sweetwater, but it doesn’t come cheap. The park is hemorrhaging money, which is why Logan’s family is considering buying it. He further exposits that the park was founded by a partnership, but when the park opened, one of the partners killed himself. (J: BIG GASP.) The team of lawyers that Logan has looking into the whole thing came up empty. William concludes that whoever designed this place must not think very much of people.

Jess: This is where William is gold. What gave it away? 

Mari: The murder, the rape, who knows!

William points out some shady looking men, sauntering into Pariah, and asks who they are. Logan says they are called The Confederados. Dolores knows about them. They are ex-Confederate soldiers who refused to surrender after the war and now work as mercenaries below the border. Logan calls them the key to what he thinks is the biggest game in the park, happening in the furthest reaches of the park: war.

Lawrence is walking again because Teddy can’t hold himself up, so Teddy gets the horse. Man in Black is convinced that Teddy will lead them to Wyatt because of their previous ties. Lawrence points out that Teddy is actually dying right now. Man in Black stops and carries Teddy off the horse and then starts speeching at Lawrence about there being a path for everyone, as his friend says, and Lawrence’s path leading back to him. They are interrupted by the little robot boy we’ve seen interacting with Ford. He asks if they are lost. Man in Black sends him to fetch some water for a dying Teddy, and as the boy runs off, laments that he’s too small. Lawrence asks what is going on, especially because he filled the sow’s bag with water himself. MiB dumps out the water and sets it up so it’s standing up on its own.

Lawrence still doesn’t get what’s going on, unfortunately. (J: On par with the rest of America.) MiB said he was wrong about Lawrence’s path being tied with MiB’s. It is actually for Teddy. Lawrence turns around to look at Teddy and promptly gets his throat slit. MiB hoists him by his ankles over a tree branch, so he’s upside down and his blood is draining into the sows bag.

HQ. Surgeon 1 and Surgeon 2, aka two of the McDonalds Rubber Suited Men, are once-again working on Maeve. I’ll give them better names: one is jumpy and one is douchey. Apparently, they were racing each other, and Douchey Surgeon wins, and gloats annoyingly about it. Plus, he scares the crap out of Jumpy Surgeon by pushing Maeve’s body toward him. Douchey laughs and laughs, asking if Jumpy really thought the “little fuck puppet” was coming to get him. Jumpy reminds him of that one time she got up off the table with a gut wound AND RAN AWAY. Douchey just thinks Jumpy forgot to put Maeve in sleep mode, not that that’s a valid explanation because she was asleep for half the surgery, bro.

A beep indicates that it’s break time. Douchey takes off for a ham sandwich and a nubile redhead in a VR. Jumpy stays behind and hides a tablet next to a dead-looking bird in one of the closets.

Park. MiB kicks Teddy awake, which is rude considering he almost died and just got a bootleg blood transfer. Teddy really looks rough. In MiB’s 52nd speech, he goes on about how when the park first opened, he opened one of the hosts up. They were beautiful and made up of so many tiny parts. Now, they are this sad, real mess. Flesh and bone just like humans. The Park Powers That Be said it would be better for the experience, but MiB says the truth is that it’s cheaper this way. “Your humanity is cost effective. So is your suffering.” (J: Welcome to corporate America, Teddy.) Teddy really just wants to die, but MiB ropes him in by telling him that Wyatt has Dolores. MiB helps Teddy stand. The robot boy makes it back and sees a bloody, strung up Lawrence. He gives MiB his water skin and then very nonchalantly just looks at the dead body.

Pariah. Dolores has another flashback, this time of a mother being shot in front of her child. William asks Dolores if she’s alright, and she snaps out of it. They walk together as Dolores talks about, not one path, but many paths hanging in the air like ghosts at every moment. William thinks about his choices, about wanting to change his life. He admits that was his motivation, to come change his life in a place no one in the real world will even know. Dolores focuses on the bit about “the real world.” William thought she wasn’t supposed to notice things like that. She asks why she wouldn’t. Recently, it seems to her like the whole world is calling out to her in a way it hasn’t before.

Deep chats are interrupted by music and cheering. This town is having a Dead of the Dead-like festival.

Of course, Logan is there, yucking it up. He’s with Slim, who tells them both that El Lazo has agreed to meet, and in the meantime, he has brothel recommendations. William doesn’t think Dolores would find that interesting, and I think if you turn your volume up a little, you can hear Logan’s eye roll.

Jess: William has Foreshadowing Dolores’s interests at heart, ok! But I actually lol’d.  

Mari: He asks who cares what Dolores thinks. She’s a doll. William is all ixnay on the ollday, because he doesn’t want her to hear. He really thinks she understands.

In the background, Doloroes is watching the festival roll by, but then she also sees herself walking amongst the people in the parade. She gets super disoriented, and we hear Ford tell her to rest in a dreamless slumber. She passes out in the middle of all the people partying.

She comes to in HQ, sitting in front of Dr. Ford, naked. He asks her where she is. Dolores smiles and says she’s in a dream. Dr. Ford confirms that she is indeed in his dream. He asks her what this dream means. Dolores says dreams are the mind telling stories to itself. They don’t mean anything. Dr. Ford asks her if she’s been dreaming about breaking out of her little loop and taking on a bigger role. Dolores doesn’t answer, and Dr. Ford examines her hand and keeps speechifying about making his own world. He asks her if she remembers the man he used to be. Dolores doesn’t. She’s forgetful sometimes. Dr. Ford says he can’t blame her, and yet he’s sure she remembers him— the man who created her. Arnold. Dolores innocently says she doesn’t know anyone by that name either. Dr. Ford insists. Somewhere beneath all of Dolores’s updates, Arnold is there, perfectly preserved. Dr. Ford asks if Dolores has been hearing voices. Has Arnold been talking to her? She says no, and then notes that Ford is hurting her. He’s squeezing her hand. Ford orders her into analysis mode and asks for her last contact with Arnold. She mechanically reports: 34 years, 42 days and seven hours ago. Ford confirms it was the day Arnold died. The last thing Arnold told Dolores was that she was going to help him destroy this place. Ford says she didn’t, though. She’s been content in her loop, for the most part. He asks if she would be the hero or the villain if she took on a bigger role. Dolores doesn’t answer his musings, so Ford gets her out of analysis mode. He apologizes for bothering her, but there is no one else left who was around back then. Dolores smiles and asks if they are very old friends. Ford looks pained as he says that he wouldn’t call them friends at all and uses a hand motion to turn her off.

Jess: I think this is where the story excels. It shows the grey areas of these characters. Ford, with his Dr. Frankenstein tendencies, has a drive that seems to overshadow his emotions. But he displays these instances of real emotions to these robots and it makes you feel for him. 

Mari: Ford leaves. Still in the dark room, Dolores says, “he doesn’t know. I didn’t tell him anything.”

Shit.

Jess: WTF DOLORES. 

Mari: The Jumpy McDonalds Rubber Suited Man is working to revive a little robot bird. It chirps and stands up, but then Jumpy is caught by Douchey. The best part of this scene is when the little robot bird bites the shit out of Douchey. The bird knows what’s up. Douchey yells at Jumpy for stealing a bird and a behavior tablet. Jumpy says that he could make the bird work if he could just practice. Douchey crushes Jumpy’s dream and tells him he’s not a coder, never will be, and is just looking to get fired from his actual job as a “butcher.”

Douchey wheels in their next patient, and it’s Maeve again. Jumpy is rightly shook, but Douchey douches at him some more.

Jess: This is an awful mental image. 

Mari: Well, he’s awful so I stand by my description.

Morning in Pariah. William tells Dolores that she seemed out of sorts the previous night. Is she feeling better? Dolores says she had troubled dreams. Logan finds them and says it’s time to meet El Lazo. He leads them there, makes the introduction and when El Lazo looks up it’s LAWRENCE. Who was just dead a few scenes ago so something is UP.

Logan sits with El Lazo and explains that he saved Slim from a bad situation and wants an introduction to the Confederados in return. El Lazo offers some women instead, but Logan says he’s had enough whores. The pot needs to be sweeter. He pulls out a gun to emphasize his point. One of El Lazo’s men grabs the gun quickly and punches Logan in the face. New favorite part of the episode. No, shhh, I know that he can’t be really hurt, but let’s just enjoy him getting punched in the face.

Jess: Leave Logan alone. 

Mari: Nope:

Wow, now I’m the one enjoying violence, THANKS WESTWORLD.

Meanwhile, Dolores starts hearing whispers in her head. She flashes to a few scenes, including one of the that church that keeps popping up. Dolores tells El Lazo that there is something he’s seeking. She knows that feeling. She’s seeking something too, and maybe they can help each other. El Lazo calls her crazy, but then seems to agree to help. Dolores snaps out of her very intense raspy whisper and wanders away.

El Lazo tells them that a Union convey is transporting a shipment of nitroglycerin today. The Confederados want to steal it, but Lazo and his men aren’t welcome on that side of the border. Logan, William and Dolores could go, though. William is like, “you know they are just going to use the nitroglycerin to kill your people, right?” and El Lazo is like “BUT MONEY.” It’s very 2018; you should feel right at home.

The deal accepted, the next order of business is to get Dolores an outfit change. For real. I genuinely love it.

Jess: She’s been naked or in the same clothes, let her have something new! 

Mari: On the road, Dolores is wearing her new clothes. She grabs a gun, but makes sure Logan knows she doesn’t aim to use it.

Jess: Look at how these new clothes have already changed her.

Mari: Wardrobe is important.

The men they are stealing from are Union soldiers, like her father was. Logan says he knows. The plan is just to steal, not to maim. They watch as the soldiers approach. They all pull up their bandanas for maximum bad people styling. They all jump in front of the wagon and pull out their guns. The Soldier with the Lines is like WE SHALL NOT SURRENDER. Dolores is like, “please?” and the soldiers all surrender. That’s basically what happens.

Logan is not satisfied, though. He of course wants to still beat up some robots. He starts punching and kicking Soldier with the Lines. The other soldiers try to come to his defense, but after one pulls a gun on Dolores, William jumps into action. He kills all the soldiers, including the one with the lines, just as he’s choking Logan. Dolores is distraught. Logan start whooping. He loves it.

William, Logan and Dolores come back to town with the nitroglycerin and a dead Slim. He was shot in the melee. El Lazo checks out the goods and then hands them over to the Confederados. El Lazo gets paid. The Confederados are ready to take off, but Lazo tempts them into staying the night with naked women painted in gold? IDK man, apparently that’s what the people are paying for. (J: EL DORADO.)

HQ. Elsie is working on a host who can’t seem to aim correctly when pouring liquid into a glass. We get full frontal male nudity as he does it. Still always a shock on TV. Elsie notices as the host who tried to kill her is wheeled by. She jumps up and calls out to the McDonalds Rubber Suited Men who are wheeling the gurney. Where at they taking him? They say he’s going in the incinerator. Elsie considers this for a moment and then decides to follow.

Down in surgery, Jumpy freaks out when he sees Elsie. Douchey tells him to play it cool because Else doesn’t appear to be there for them. Indeed, she enters a different room and greets Destin, another lanky dorky Rubber Suited Man. Elsie says she almost didn’t recognize him with his pants on, and then turns over her tablet so he can see footage of himself fucking a powered down host. Wow. Elsie says that there’s a common misconception that the hosts don’t log sexual encounters when they are being reprocessed, but misconception.  

Jess: I was pumping my arms going yes, ELSIE YES TELL HIM. 

Mari: Same. Elsie is TELLING HIM because she wants to see the woodcutter’s body. Destin doesn’t want to lose his job over this, but Elsie says that she’s going to walk out of here soon. Destin’s friends are going to ask what happened and he can either say that he’s helping behavior track a problem or “I’m a creepy necro perv.” Of course, Douchey and Jumpy keep looking over, so it really helps sell Elsie’s point.

We cut to Destin leading her to the body. Elsie examines the body and finds a foreign transmitter embedded in his arm. Elsie takes it to Bernard. Someone has been using the hosts to smuggle data out of the park.

Jess: This was another point where the record scratched and I said whaaaaaaaat. 

Mari: Pariah orgy room where painted bodies are a thing. Logan is having a ball. He asks General Confederado if he isn’t going to partake, but the general passes on sexual pleasures because he gets off on war. El Lazo brings over more drinks and exchanges a ~look with Dolores.

William pulls Logan aside. He doesn’t want to go anywhere with these psychopaths. Logan says then can totally just kill them later, but Logan puts his foot down. It leads to another argument. Logan says there are no heroes or villains. William says that world view says more about Logan than anything. Logan tells him he’s a nothing, nobody who will never be anything more than upper middle management. William snaps and pushes Logan against the wall but then all the fight goes out of him. Logan mocks him about that too. When William turns back around, he sees that Dolores is gone.

Dolores walks through the pleasure house, kind of lost and disoriented, which is a thing for her. (J: OR IS IT?!) In one of the rooms, she finds a fortune teller who holds out tarot cards to her. Dolores grabs one and turns it over: it’s the maze. Dolores asks what it means, but when she looks up, the fortune teller is gone. Instead, she’s looking at herself, back in her original blue dress. Dress Dolores tells Pants Dolores that she has to find the maze. Pants Dolores asks wtf is wrong with her. Dress Dolores says maybe she’s unraveling. Pants Dolores looks down at her arm and sees like a loose string. She pulls on it and it starts splitting her skin. She freaks out, but can’t stop pulling it. It’s like when you have a hangnail and you keep making it worse but you can’t stop.

    Like that, but worse.

Jess: Like way worse though. Like wth worse. 

Mari: Suddenly, Dolores’s arm is fine and there is no one sitting in front of her. She runs out of the room, back through the pleasure house, all the way outside. Out there, she sees El Lazo’s men taking all of the nitroglycerin and pumping it into Slim’s dead body. They are replacing the bottles with tequila.

Dolores runs back inside and finds William. She tells him they need to get the heck out because El Lazo has been conning them the whole time. William is in his feelings now about how this is all fake, but Dolores insists that they will get killed unless they get out of here. Together, they can find a way out. William asks her how she can be sure. Dolores tells him there is voice in her head, telling her what to do. And the voice is telling her that she needs him. William is like WOW SOUNDS SEXY and they kiss.

      Jess: This is the right moment to kiss right? RIGHT. 

Mari: Totally.

Meanwhile, General Confederado’s men are playing a game of toss with the nitroglycerin because idk, death wishes or something. One of the guys drops it, but nothing happens. General Confederado tastes it and realizes that he’s been conned. He’s pissed. Logan is captured and beat up. William sees this happening. Logan begs for help, but William leaves him there to get beat up.

On the way out, William and Dolores are cornered by General Confederado and four of his men. William shoots one guy before he’s apprehended. He yells for Dolores to run but homegirl S N A P S and shoots all the remaining men quickly and efficiently. William approaches her carefully and asks her how the hell she did that. “You said people come here to change the story of their lives. I imagined a story where I didn’t have to be the damsel.” 

Jess: IT’S THE PANTS. 

Mari: Life-changing.

They hear a train whistle. Dolores says that’s their only chance to get out. They run after the train, catch up and jump on. They let themselves into the last car and come face to face with El Lazo. Everyone pulls their gun, but new-improved-pants Dolores thinks on her feet and points the gun at the nitroglycerin filled coffin. El Lazo loosens his grip on his gun. William does the same, but also confiscates El Lazo’s gun. El Lazo says now that they are all friends, they can call him Lawrence, and buckle up for a long ride to the front. Dolores holsters her gun and takes a closer look at the coffin that has the symbol of the maze on it. “I’m coming,” she says to no one, and when we look again, she’s in the train car alone.

Man in Black and Dying Teddy walk into a bar. Ford joins them at the table. Teddy says they are looking for Wyatt, but his version of the story is embellished. Man in Black takes credit for that, saying he always thought the park could use a villain like him. Ford admits that he lacks the imagination to even conceive of a man like Man in Black. Damn. When the weirdo with the god-complex is like “you’re the evil one,” it’s gotta sting. Man in Black does look taken aback.

Next, Man in Black asks if Wyatt was created in order to stop him from finding the center of the maze. Ford asks what he expects to find there. Man in Black speeches in response, about the purpose of the park as a way to find themselves. He thinks there is a deeper meaning to it all. Ford says if he wants the moral of the story, MiB could just ask. MiB says he would need a shovel. The man with the answers died 35 years ago and almost took this place with him. Almost, but not quite, thanks to him. Maybe Arnold left something behind. MiB pulls out his knife and asks what he would find if he opened Ford up. Teddy immediately jumps into action and grabs the knife with one hand and MiB’s wrist with the other. These shows of power are deeply impacting and disturbing. Weak as Teddy is, he is hard coded to behave this way, to protect Ford at all costs. Ford smirks.

MiB asks if Ford is here to talk him out of his quest. Ford snarks that far be it for him to get in the way of a voyage of self-discovery. Ford tells Teddy to look back and smile at perils past. Ford snaps his fingers as he leaves and the soundtrack switches from ominous music to the piano player. Teddy takes his shot and tells MiB they have to get back on the road. Time’s a wastin’.

Reprocessing. Jumpy finds Maeve and looks at her warily. He goes back to retrieve his stolen bird and tablet. He keeps practicing and this time gets the bird to fly and behave normally. He’s so excited he doesn’t immediately notice that Maeve is awake again. The bird lands on her finger and Maeve greets Jumpy (Felix) and tells him it’s time for a chat.

Jess: This was an episode that was middle ground for him. It had action but didn’t really move the story forward. I thought it threw in a bunch of shit into the middle of this crazy sequence and we’ve yet unravel anything. Here’s to pantsed Dolores unraveling more than just her arm. 

Mari: It was definitely heavy on the world building, I think. We got some details about Arnold, how the park was started and the trouble it’s currently in. The reveals about Lawrence/El Lazo and the data transmitter were GREAT and packed a punch in an episode where, yes, we still have more questions than answers.

And let’s just clap it up one more time for that outfit change.

 

 

Next time on Westworld: Elsie keeps investigating in S01 E06 – The Adversary.