Supergirl S02 E17 – Alien real estate jokes

Previously: Mon-El was a lying liar who lies.
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Distant Sun

Marines: The damn previouslies inform me that since I didn’t watch The Flash cross-over event, I missed Kara and Mon-El getting back together.

Samantha: For fucks sake.

Catherine: I feel like I missed them breaking up. Because I just don’t care so hard. 

Mari: I am upset on many different levels. Right now, my most pressing upset is that we are starting this episode with cutesy fun times at the Super Pad, yet again. Mon-El has made breakfast in bed for Kara, but she doesn’t want to wait in bed for the yummy food. Kara is super impressed and asks where Mon-El learned how to poach an egg. He makes a joke about reading it in a book because sometimes books have better information than YouTube. Kara is like W O W, you have changed, because apparently Mon-El’s main problem was too much time on YouTube and not being a liar. 

Anyway, Mon-El says that since Kara took him back, he’s gonna work extra hard at making her happy. Kara says one plus of not working at CatCo is extra time with him. She asks if he’s talked to his parents recently. He says nope. They are just hovering around in orbit. The news, which is always on everywhere in National City always, alerts Supergirl to an alien attack. She jumps up and Mon-El asks if he can come and help, but then quickly realizes that all his stuff is at the DEO. In the time it takes him to say that, Kara is in her costume and ready to roll. She says she’s got it, flies away, and Mon-El is left to offer to start the laundry. You do that. (S: Launder yourself off this show, maybe.)

Out in the city, Laser Eye Alien is rampaging. Supergirl arrives and stands in the way of his blast. She tries to laser eye off with the alien, but she’s overpowered. Supergirl gets back up and instead super-punches him a bunch. Laser Eye Alien tries to blast her again, but she just puts her hand over his alien eye? And it like short-circuits the alien. Supergirl calls into the DEO and tells J’onn that they are going to need alien cleanup on aisle 3. I’d like to imagine that everyone at the DEO who heard that just eyerolled so hard. 

Catherine: I like to imagine that they all spend so much time eyerolling over the super!banter that they never actually get any work done. 

Mari: Linda Carter is back in her role as the President. She’s on a video call with Hank J’onn. She asks about the alien attack that morning, but is really calling for an update on the Daxamite ship. Hank J’onn says it’s in low orbit, but there’s been no communication or signs of activities for days. President Linda Carter tells Hank J’onn that she’s worried about causing intergalactic war. They should refrain from engaging and proceed with caution. President Linda Carter says she’ll be in touch. 

Alex and Maggie walk and giggle. Maggie sees someone she recognizes walking by and calls out. Through conversation, we learn that this is someone Maggie used to date, who is only back in town for the week. Maggie introduces Alex and things are awkward and end with a vague “we should catch up sometime.” Emily walks away, but Alex tells Maggie she should invite her for dinner. Maggie doesn’t think this is a good idea, but Alex insists it’ll be totally fine. Maggie calls back out to Emily and invites her to dinner that night. Emily accepts. 

Samantha: Oh man, the horror of the bluff of “we should get together sometime” being called with an ex/old acquaintance.

Mari: The horror, indeed.

DEO. Hank J’onn tells Kara that the alien she fought this morning is from a race of alien bounty hunters called Amalaks. Winn shows them some sort of messaging device that was collected from Laser Eye Alien. It’s got a picture of Supergirl on it, and Winn says that it accesses some kind of alien darknet. The message includes Supergirl’s name, current location, and payment being offered on proof of death. 

After a not!break, Alex asks how much the bounty works out to. Mon-El says it’s enough money to buy a planet. Winn asks if they are talking about a planet in a good neighborhood or in an up and coming kind of neighborhood. “Exactly,” Mon-El replies. 

Like, was that a joke? 

Samantha: I have no answers. Only deep sighs.

Mari: I don’t know, we’re moving on. The point is that every low-life killer in need of planet-buying kind of money is gonna come for Supergirl. She says that she’ll just take them out one by one and starts to walk away. Alex stops her and is like “cool, but also public safety?” Hank J’onn agrees and thinks she should lay low. Kara cannot believe they are asking her to hide. Mon-El acknowledges that literally no one asked him, but still wants to add that he too would like Kara to hide and not die. Losing her again (if you watched the crossover episode!!!!) (C: You know we didn’t, show.) would not be “palatable.” Winn says that’s a very culinary way to put it and he shouts back an, “I cook now.” I laughed. (S: I did not. Sorry.)

Kara says she is not going to hide because she is the Girl of Steel. 

Hank J’onn says they can’t stop her from going out there, but he does ask that she give the people who care about her 24 hours to get ahead of this thing. She agrees. 

Back at the middle console, Hank J’onn asks Winn to locate more alien darknet communicator thingies. He wants Alex to search the database for other species who might be running the network. Alex remembers that she has plans but offers to cancel. Kara tells her to not cancel and Hank J’onn, her actual boss, is like um. Databases don’t search themselves. Winn says they can if he writes a program for that! And then he realizes that he just volunteered for more work and Alex and Kara happily leave to not do work that can save Kara’s life. Hank J’onn tells Mon-El to keep on eye on Kara. He says he will, but there is something he needs to do first. 

Alien Bar. Mon-El meets his parents there. They are immediately dismissive and rude of the bar, people who work there, and Mon-El working there. I guess that makes it easier for Mon-El to come right out and accuse them of putting the hit on Kara. They say it wasn’t them. They are just hanging around hoping Mon-El will change his mind about coming home with them. Teri Hatcher even tells a sweet story about his childhood and everything. And then she ends it by saying that as his parents, they will always come when he calls, “even to places that disagree with us.”  

Samantha: I feel like I’m saying this a lot but I don’t know what to do with them. I feel like I’m just an Aria shrug.

Mari: Restaurant. Maggie and Alex are waiting for Emily, who is 45 minutes late. Alex feels bad about pushing Maggie into an awkward situation. Maggie says it was thoughtful to try and get her some closure. When she and Emily broke up, Emily said some pretty hurtful things like “you don’t deserve to be happy.” Rough. Maggie doesn’t think it matters, but Alex says it does. Either way, Maggie would like to get out of here. 

Super Pad. Winn and James (remember James???) (C: You know we don’t, show.) are playing board games with Kara. She complains about being cooped up inside, especially since there is a car chase on the news right now. Mon-El walks in, and James is happy to see him, so he can help stand in the way of Kara and her super suit. Kara asks where he’s been. Mon-El admits he was questioning some suspects. Namely, his parents. 

Outside of her apartment, a shady bald man looks up at Kara’s window. 

Back inside, Mon-El shares that his parents claimed they aren’t behind this, but he still isn’t sure.

Shady Baldy’s eyes go blue and his bald head ripples? It’s weird. 

Catherine: Not gonna lie, I thought this guy might be Lex Luthor for a hot second until the head ripples. 

Mari: Inside, Mon-El grabs a beer and promptly drops it. Then he can’t move. Then it’s like someone is controlling him. He tries to explain what’s happening, but can’t really, and everyone thinks he’s joking anyway. (S: Like is his sense of humor normally so weird they would even think this?) (C: Remember the alien real estate joke from earlier? Maybe.) It’s all “jokes” until he charges at Kara and pushes her through the window and into the sky. 

They crash land after a not!break, and Mon-El tries to punch Kara, though he explains that he’s not in control of his body. Basically, they are fighting each other going, “sorry! sorry! sorry!” James and Winn watch. Winn pulls out a darknet communicator he’s reconfigured to detect nearby communicators. It’s beeping, so a bounty hunter is nearby. 

Mon-El keeps fighting and apologizing. He asks Kara to please run away, but she won’t. Guardian shows up for a hot second before Mon-El throws him into a car. WHY IS HE SO USELESS? Meanwhile, someone has sent WINN to go deal with Shady Baldy, like COME ON. He is also holding a stapler to Shady Baldy’s back so cool. 

Catherine: I lol’ed when Guardian showed up and then was immediately chucked into a car and immobilized. It’s a metaphor for how the writers have no idea what to do with Jimmy. 

Mari: At least Winn is somewhat useful with his stapler, and Shady Baldy lets Mon-El go. Kara gets in one more face punch and one more “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” 

Despite Guardian’s uselessness, the sorry fighting was pretty entertaining. 

Somehow, Winn was able to keep Shady Baldy under control, and he’s now in a toiletless cell at the DEO. Kara asks Shady Baldy who put the hit out, but he calls them weak. He’s the strongest telepath eva and they are too moral to do what’s necessary to get into his head. Alex asks for a wrench (S: lol), but Hank J’onn shows up and tells her to stand down. 

And then Shady Baldy and Hank J’onn have a telepath-off, in which they look at each other, make constipated faces, and their eyes glow. Hank J’onn wins and as Shady Baldy crumbles in pain, he implicates the Daxamites. Queen Teri Hatcher placed the hit.

Back on the main floor, Mon-El is disappointed. Alex wants to attack. Winn is less convinced that is a good idea. Hank J’onn says they have orders from President Linda Carter to stand down. Their only job right now is to keep Supergirl safe. 

Samantha: I have this vague memory that President Linda Carter is bad. Is that true? Does anyone else remember this?

Catherine: I’m gonna go with probably. I seem to remember this, too. Also, when are presidents not bad? 

Mari: #2018Things

Or did you mean on TV? Sorry, it’s a few days post-midterm elections. 

That night, Alex finds Emily at her hotel to confront her with like 5 hot seconds of information about a 5 year relationship so I’m sure this will go well. (S: WTF ALEX WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?) Emily says that maybe she should’ve shown up to dinner, but it brought up too many painful memories. Alex asks about all the painful things Emily said to Maggie. Emily said she had it coming. Alex keeps pushing forward, though, until Emily has to admit that Maggie cheated on her. Alex apologizes as Emily says she just wants to forget. Alex has to awkwardly leave. 

Kara and Mon-El are cleaning up the broken glass in her apartment. I wonder what the weather in National City is like. A broken window in my south Florida apartment would be a death knell. Heat, mosquitos, heat, humidity. I’d say alligator, but I’m on the 4th floor. Sorry, I got distracted. (S: You could have said flying alligators and I’d have believed you.) (C: It is Florida.)

Kara and Mon-El both think they have a solution to their current problem. Mon-El’s been reading Romeo and Juliet and just got to the part where they plan to run away and be happy together. He think they should do that. Kara is like “no” and also “they both die at the end.” Way to spoil, girl. Kara thinks they should talk to Queen Teri Hatcher. Mon-El isn’t sure about this, but Kara tells him that he changed and she can too. Mon-El says he’ll give it a shot. 

Fortress of Solitude. Queen Teri Hatcher beams in and calls it more vile than the bar. Supergirl does her darndest to be civil and explain that since it is a sacred place to her and her cousin (wow, how long since our last COUSIN SHOT!) (S: Ah it feels good.), they thought it would be worthy of entertaining the queen. Mon-El tells his mom that one of her bounty hunters gave her up. He knows that she loves him, but he’s happy on Earth with Kara. He asks her to call of the bounty so maybe they can still have a relationship. Teri says that she’s his mother. He doesn’t dictate the terms of their relationship. Supergirl tries to reason with her, to appeal to the kindness in her heart, and then Teri pulls out Kyrptonite blades and starts stabbing Supergirl. 

So, I guess there is no kindness in her heart. 

Samantha: Wow, that escalated QUICKLY. Like for real.

Mari: Mon-El steps in between his murdering mom and his girlfriend and promises to go back with her if she just stops trying to murder his girlfriend. Kara begs him not to go, but he says this is the only way. Teri breaks up their hug and pulls him until they are beamed up to the ship. 

King Kevin Sorbo is super happy to see his son. Mon-El tells his mom to call off the bounty. She does, but King Kevin Sorbo is shocked! He truly didn’t know about the bounty. 

Alex is waiting for Maggie when she gets home. She pours them both a drink and handles this whole thing very maturely and with a lot of love. Basically she says that she doesn’t care that Maggie cheated a long time ago. She just wants Maggie to be able to be honest and less guarded. 

Alex gets a call from Kara freaking out about Mon-El and the attack. She hurries off. 

Samantha: I did genuinely love this.

Catherine: I feel bad that I’m really bored by their relationship. I guess it’s because it’s not superhero stuff. 

Mari: They’ve been kind of stuck in this loop, too, of Maggie being closed off, some misunderstanding, and then forgiveness fun times. It’s often handled well, it’s just getting wee bit repetitive. 

Back at the DEO, Alex wants to get Supergirl under a yellow sun lamp. Supergirl says she’s fine. They have to save Mon-El. Hank J’onn says he can’t disobey direct orders from Linda Carter, but Supergirl begs. Mon-El is up there because of her. They need to save him. 

Mon-El is brooding. King Kevin Sorbo comes to assure him that Kara will be safe, and coming home was the right thing to do. Mon-El is like “yeah, because mom’s a murderer.” Kevin Sorbo says that also, like, his people are really excited to have him back. Mon-El wants to be a different kind of king, though, and thinks they should start building a better tomorrow today. Or something. Kevin Sorbo hates democracy, though. And Teri Hatcher show up to hate it more. She slaps Mon-El and tells him that four years in a cell while they ride to Daxam should be enough to cure him of his democratic hopes and dreams. Kevin Sorbo looks conflicted, but doesn’t say anything. (S: Come on, pull through, Kevin Sorbo.)

Back at the DEO, Winn’s fixed up the transmat portal travel gate thingies from that one episode on slaver’s moon. There is a lot of detail here to explain why it’s working again and how it’ll work without another gate on the other side. I appreciate the effort, writers, but also I don’t care. 

Catherine: The reasons are Space Reasons. 

Mari: The DEO’s computers pick up the fact that the Daxamite ship is about to take off. It’s time to go and Supergirl has an idea about how to deal with the Kryptonite. 

Ship. Supergirl portals in. Queen Teri Hatcher orders her guards to attack, but Supergirl handles them in short order. Teri whips out her Kryptonite knives. 

Cells. Winn portals in because again, someone decided he would be the best man for the job. He tells Mon-El he’s here to rescue him. Mon-El calls him a little short for a storm trooper and Winn’s eyes light up. He finally saw Star Wars. 

Listen, I’m not suddenly hot on White Bread, I swear, but I LOVE fish out of water stories a lot and all these little references to Mon-El reading and learning things are my least least favorite things when it comes to Mon-El.

Samantha: I agree. It shows that there’s potential to do him in a less horribly boring and forced manner so. We’ll see.

Catherine: Thirded. I definitely chuckled here.

Mari: Teri Hatcher is fighting Supergirl and manages to stab her in the shoulder. Except JOKES, it’s J’onn! He morphs back into Martian Manhunter and keeps fighting. Meanwhile, Winn has managed to free Mon-El, break into the security system, and send the security footage back down to the DEO. Kara can see that J’onn is suddenly losing the fight and runs through the portal to help him. 

Mon-El, Winn and Kevin Sorbo all join the fight and everyone is in danger of getting very hurt. Mon-El spots a dropped alien gun and uses it to blast a hole in the window of the spaceship? And Winn is okay? But some red shirt goes hurtling thorough space? And everyone who can fly just flies while Teri Hatcher and Kevin Sorbo struggle not to hurtle through space. And then Kevin Sorbo manages to close the window, or something. It seems light the fighting might start back up again, but Kevin Sorbo says that’s enough. It’s clear that Mon-El has chosen his family. Mon-El and Supergirl hug.

Queen Teri Hatcher says that Krypton has taken everything from her and now they’ve taken her son. Mon-El says that he’s glad they are alive, but this is the last time they’ll see each other. After all that, I wish there were more of an emotional conclusion here, you know? Instead of only being like “I choose Kara,” also being like “bitch, you tried to kill my girlfriend, you hate democracy AND YOU WERE GOING TO KEEP ME IN A CELL FOR FOUR YEARS.” Really rub it in Teri’s face that she lost her son; he wasn’t stolen. 

Anyway, none of that happens. They portal out and we cut to black. 

Samantha: So many missed opportunities on this show.

Mari: After our final not!break, Alex stands by as Emily and Maggie have a brief chat and hug. Alex asks how it went. Maggie says good. Emily said how lucky Maggie was to have Alex. Alex agrees. They kiss. 

Hank J’onn is Skyping with President Linda Carter again. She is very upset that he disobeyed orders, but Hank stands by his decision. She says she’ll get back to him with some punishment later. Put it on dnd, my dude. 

In her office, President Linda Carter sheds her human skin for her alien one. It’s played like a reveal, but we knew this, right? We definitely knew this. 

Samantha: I’m going to leave my earlier comment where I thought I already knew this, as proof.

Catherine: It turns out we knew this and also we’re good at remembering things. 

Mari: Also at forgetting them.

Super Pad. Mon-El and Kara sit on the couch for feelings time. Kara apologizes for forcing Mon-El to talk to his mom. Mon-El says that it’s a good thing that she thinks people can change. His dad changed and let him stay with his Earth family! Mon-El compliments Kara a bunch for being brave and always doing the right thing, enough that she makes it look easy. Kara says she’ll never forget the way Mon-El sacrificed himself for her. They saved each other today. “Just like Romeo and Juliet,” Mon-El says. “You really need to finish it,” Kara replies.

Up on the Daxamite ship, Kevin Sorbo is brooding. Teri Hatcher finds him and says that they used to be so in sync, back in the day. Teri accuses him of ruining that today and then stabs her own husband dead because she is wild out here in these (space) streets. 

Samantha: Damn. Girl really needs some other conflict resolution tools.

Catherine: To be fair, she did resolve the conflict. He’s done conflicting for sure. 

 

Next time on Supergirl: Robot possessed ex-boyfriend in S02 E18 – Ace Reporter.