Charmed S03 E19 – Brother from another mother.

Previously: Sin balls.
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Marines: P^3. Phoebe is freaking out about not being able to make something. She’s being vague in a way we immediately understand might be demon-related, but jokes! They are trying to catch a movie. What a switcheroo. Phoebe wants to see a foreign film and Leo wants to see a thriller. Piper sides with Leo and there are little jokes about how now their voting is split down the middle. 

Jessica: I think their banter is supposed to be endearing? But I did not want to go see a movie with any of them.

Mari: Leo spots Cole walking into the club and tells Phoebe she’s probably not going to want to see any movies anymore. Phoebe goes to Cole and hugs him, saying she was so worried about him. Cole apologizes. He couldn’t come back until it was safe. They kiss and join the others. They tell Cole about their plans to catch a movie, but Cole was thinking he could catch up with Phoebe alone. She’s like OKAY BYE. Prue is grumpy because now they have to go see a thriller. 

On the walk home, Phoebe says that she was really worried Cole wouldn’t make it back for her graduation. He blandly says he wouldn’t miss it for the world. (J: “Blandly” is such a spot-on description of his acting this entire episode that I began to wonder if it was a director’s note included in the script.) Phoebe is like, “okay, what’s up?” Cole admits that he’s not sure how much longer he can keep up running and hiding from the entire underworld, or whatever. He was wondering if maybe there is a spell in the Book of Shadows to strip him of his powers. Phoebe can’t believe he’d do that for her. They kiss, but are again interrupted, this time by a man with dirt on his face yelling for people to prepare for the Brotherhood. The Thorn is coming. Cole is staring. Phoebe asks if he knows that guy. Cole doesn’t, but if he doesn’t watch what he’s saying…

On cue, a demon blinks in and grabs the dirty yelling guy, pulling him into an alley and murdering him. Phoebe runs after them, and Cole gives a weak, “Phoebe don’t.” Phoebe keeps running, and Cole walks calmly after her. In the alley, Phoebe fights with the demon and ends up stabbing him with his own knife, vanquishing him in the process. Cole finally shows up. (J: It would have been kind of awesome if he’d shown up with like, snacks from a nearby food cart in hand. Because that’s how long it took him to get here.) Phoebe asks where the f he was, and he deadpans, “you just vanquished my brother.“

Um, you could’ve protested a little louder, Willy Wonka. 

Jessica: That is an incredibly accurate portrayal.

Mari: I AM THE SAHN. 

Manor. Phoebe is berating Cole for not being honest with her. Prue, Piper and Leo arrive now too, having received an emergency page from Phoebe. She tells them about vanquishing Cole’s brother. Prue thinks this already sounds better than the movie. Being someone who is watching this TV show, and thus this story unfold, I wonder how bad that movie was. 

Jessica: I admit this made me smirk.

Mari: Phoebe explains that Cole was hanging back, and they lost an innocent because of it, a poor street prophet yelling about the Brotherhood. Leo recognizes the name right away. Cole admits that he was a member of the Brotherhood, an elite gang that answer directly to the Source and take a blood oath. Phoebe realizes Cole meant brother like brotherhood, you know the thing we’ve said like 10 times this episode already, and not like brother from the same mother. 

Jessica: A USEFUL DISTINCTION. Did he seriously just let Phoebe stew over that this whole time until her sisters showed up?

Mari: Best boyfriend ever.

Cole says his shady past is no worry. The real problem here is that the Brotherhood is resurfacing. He guesses that there have probably been a series of street prophet murders, because those guys are legit, and the Brotherhood can’t risk their plans being blabbed.

Jessica: That must be so annoying to evil organizations. Start coming up with a secret plan, some dudes just shout it all over town.

Mari: I’ll admit I’m a little curious why all the best prophets in town are street prophets, but I digress.

Cole doesn’t know anything else about the Brotherhood since he isn’t a member in good standing anymore. Phoebe remembers that the street prophet mentioned Luxirom. Piper recognizes the name as an Internet provider, which is weird. They start to mobilize for some Book of Shadows research, but Cole tells them not to bother– their #basic tricks won’t work against the Brotherhood, no offense. Prue is like, uh, offense taken asshole. (J: Seriously. Rude.)

The point is that Cole thinks they need a better plan.

Jessica: Well, he does have a point, since Prue’s plan “check the Book of Shadows” for her and “check the net” for Piper. I can’t imagine what kind of random interwebs wormhole Piper could have fallen down with that type of broad assignment.

Mari: It is true that this is the worst plan but also true that it always works. 

He offers to go back to the Brotherhood and spy. Phoebe doesn’t like it, but Prue says it makes sense, earning the ire of her sister. Phoebe walks away from everyone, because she’s the worst. 

Brotherhood Neighborhood. A Brotherhood woman tells a man in charge that they’ve got trouble. The actress looks a little familiar, but she’s mostly just guest starred on a bunch of stuff… including an earlier episode of Charmed? We’ll call her Two Timer. She reports to the man in charge that Trigg, Cole’s brother (J: Psh, fake brother, not falling for that one twice), is missing, which means someone must be onto their plan. Man in Charge says that’s impossible because they’ve killed all the prophets. He sends Two Timer to keep looking for Trigg while he completes his assimilation. 

Back at the Manor, Piper and Leo are anti-Cole undercover. It would be like sending a recovering alcoholic to a kegger. Prue is getting really tired of Piper and Leo agreeing on stuff, but mostly of them disagreeing with her. Besides, she says, the only votes that count are Cole and Phoebe’s. While they figure their shit out, Piper is going to be doing Book of Shadows research, and Prue is going to call Morris. 

In the attic, Phoebe is freaking out and hastily making the potion to strip Cole of his powers. He tells her this is the right thing to do, and he’ll be careful, and he’ll be totes safe. She gives in and Cole shimmers away. 

Brotherhood Neighborhood. Two Timer sees Cole coming and alerts her bros. The guy in charge, Vornac, decides not to kill Cole immediately. Cole says that he came to help after hearing some street prophets talking. Vornac wonders what Cole could possibly offer to make up for his treachery. Cole fishes in a bag and throws down the head of the street prophet. 

After a not!Break, Vornac has a lackey push Cole around because he doesn’t believe Cole killed the prophet. Cole is like “yes-huh! For you! For the brotherhood!” Vornac explains that Trigg was supposed to kill that prophet and now he’s suspiciously missing. Cole turns that around, saying that prophets talking, a missing brother, and an easy to find location are a bad look for Vornac. Vornac is like, “dude, you killed the Triad,” which I honestly had forgotten was the reason why Cole was on the run. Cole says he killed the Triad because they were going to kill the Source. He didn’t have proof so he ran. Vornac sends Two Timer to check his story. Until she returns, Cole is to go nowhere. 

Manor. Cole hasn’t checked in and Phoebe is still waiting for him at the Mausoleum. Meanwhile, Prue, Piper and Leo are doing research on Luxirom… in the newspaper. (J: So much for “the net.” Print isn’t dead!) Apparently, Luxirom might be going through a merger that will make them super powerful, but the CEO is having second thoughts. There are all these logic leaps that lead them to believe that the Brotherhood are going to force the CEO to merge and then take over the super company. (J: You know, that is a super weird and convoluted plan, I’m amazed all those prophets managed to shout as much as they did about it beforehand.) Piper tells Leo to orb over to the mausoleum to check on Phoebe. 

There, Phoebe is still waiting, concerned but not scared. She says the same things about how Cole shouldn’t have gone blah blah blah. He has nothing to prove to her blah blah blah. Just then, Cole shimmers in. He only has a second to share that the Brotherhood will be at a specific location the next day at 8am. Leo shares what they read in the newspaper about Luxirom. Cole thinks it makes sense because the best way for evil to get a foothold in the world is to take over business. Did we not know in the 90s that most big business is evil anyway? Guess not. Leo thinks they have to protect the CEO until the merger vote at 11am. Cole says that if they intervene, it will blow his cover. Leo is like “uh… we can’t let them kill the CEO? What are we doing here?” Cole gets all mad about the fact that they might blow his cover… by doing the thing Cole went undercover to do? Be good and protect the innocent? What’s going on here?

Jessica: It’s so hard to tell. Everyone’s face and delivery are literally just deadpan.

Mari: Phoebe promises to find a way to protect him and tells him to get back. He grabs Phoebe’s water before he goes. Back at the Brotherhood Neighborhood, Cole pretends to Vornac that he just went to get water from a vending machine. (J: I find myself getting caught up on this tiny detail, probably in response to me telling my brain not to pick apart the larger plotholes. Did he know Phoebe would bring water? What was his plan if she didn’t? Why do I care so much about this??) Vornac is suspicious, but still decides to review his super secret plans in front of Cole. I follow 0% of it up until Vonac makes a change in plans: Cole will be the one to kill the target in order to prove he’s evil. 

I didn’t give this other lackey a name because I thought I could ignore him for most of the episode but ugh, he keeps having lines. I’ll call him Inconvenient, because honestly. (J: That’s fair.) So, anyway, we’re suddenly outside in front of a parking garage. Inconvenient gives Cole a pep talk that basically amounts to “killing people is like riding a bike! You’ll be fine!”

The 3P’s and Leo stroll along as they talk about having to time things just right so Cole doesn’t get caught. They all hope that killing CEO is the only thing at play here and that Cole didn’t hold back any important information. That’s Phoebe’s cue to make sure everyone knows that she thinks they should all 100% trust her demon boyfriend. Cole is risking his life for this so the least they can do is trust him. 

Vornac gives a signal and yet another unnamed lackey hops into a car. Two Timer shimmers in behind Vornac and says she hasn’t been able to prove Cole’s story true or false. Vornac says that’s okay because they are about to find out for themselves. Like, way to give her some busy work if it doesn’t matter anyway. Vornac and Two Timer join Cole and Inconvenient. They all watch as a limo comes out of a parking garage and Lackey with a Car swerves in its path. The limo driver tells CEO that he’ll take care of this. Driver starts yelling for Lackey with a Car to move his car. It’s funny because there is definitely enough room for the driver to just go around the car in the road? It’s extra funny because Lackey with a Car just runs away. (J: So much room. And then the guy bails. It’s pretty ridiculous.)

Vornac tells Cole to get his kill on. Cole throws an energy ball, but at just that second, the 3P’s round the corner. Piper freezes time. Leo climbs in the limo and tinkles CEO away. Phoebe asks if they should take Cole with them. Prue says no. He has to look innocent and figure his own way out. Phoebe leaves a note in Cole’s pocket. The girls run around the next corner and Piper unfreezes time. 

The energy ball hits the limo and explodes. Vornac sends Two Timer to grab the remains of the body. Cole asks why he wants that. Vornac says that even a few remains would alert the humans to the switch. Cole is confused until Vornac runs a hand over his face and shape shifts into CEO. It isn’t my fault if it reminded me of The Princess Diaries. 

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Jessica: Amazing. Well done. 1000% on that gif. (Side note: Do we think he has to do the hand-over-his-face in order to change? I like to think so.)

Mari: I’m with you.

Vornac shimmers over next to the limo and pretends to be hurt on the ground. More of CEO’s staff arrives to grab Vornac!CEO, put him into an SUV, and drive away. 

Jessica: They, too, took their sweet time in getting to the scene.

Mari: Inconvenient shakes Cole’s hand on his good good murder. Two Timer comes back, though, and announces that CEO’s body wasn’t in the limo. 

Halliwell Manor. Leo says CEO is in the basement, knocked out by one of Phoebe’s sleeping potions. Prue turns on the TV to see if there is any news about the kidnapping. Instead, there is a press conference led by Vornac!CEO, announcing that the Luxirom merger will happen. Of course, this is Piper’s cue to ask Phoebe what she said about Cole telling them everything. 

After a break, we join even more talk about trusting Cole, I would like it to end please. This time around, Piper is anti-Cole, Prue is trying to give Cole the benefit of the doubt and Phoebe just keeps insisting that they totes have to trust him. Prue brings them back around to needing a plan in order to get the CEO imposter out of there before the merger vote. Phoebe wants to meet with Cole first and update him. The note she slipped in his pocket was an invite for him to meet her at the mausoleum. Prue is just like fine, go, be quick, come back if he isn’t there. 

Once Phoebe is gone, Prue announces her plan B: she’s saved Belthazor flesh in the freezer this whole time and thinks that since the demons they are dealing with take a blood oath, using the flesh in a vanquishing spell could work. 

Jessica: Can I just pause and paint this scene? Prue pulls the flesh bit out of a tupperware tucked into their rather small freezer. Piper is appropriately grossed out but then Prue does one better by opening the container, stabbing the flesh bit (looks kinda like a slice of beet) with a fork, waggling it around and then dropping it ON THE BARE COUNTER. I’m not a germaphobe or anything but that is beyond Not Sanitary. And not a single comment from restaurant-running Piper? Grossssssssss. /end rant

Mari: Brotherhood Neighborhood. Cole finds Phoebe’s note. Vornac and Two Timer shimmer in, upset because if CEO survived and shows up, he could ruin everything. Two Timer suggests that someone intervened magically. Vornac asks Cole what he thinks, and he just like… answers too honestly? He’s like “idk, maybe witches intervened and we have a leak.” Cole, son, work on your cover stories. He leans on the fact that it would be real stupid to come back and betray them all in one day. Vornac says it’s such a stupid plan, it’s actually a smart plan. Plus, he’s heard rumors about the fact that Cole fell in love with a witch and now, what a coincidence, their plans are being foiled by witches. 

Cole admits that it’s true, his human half loved a witch, (J: Seriously, where is he going with this?) but it was stupid and he forgot who he was. Two Timer says he’ll die for this treason, but Cole wants to prove himself. See, the witch he fell in love with? Her sister can freeze time and probably steal people from limos. Vornac is like ANOTHER COINCIDENCE! He’s the right amount of suspicious, not that it will actually matter. Cole insists that he can get Pirelli back and prove his loyalties. Vornac wonders if Cole is saving them or leading them into a trap, but sends him off anyway. Then Vornac sends Two Timer after him, to either help if he’s telling the truth, or kill him if he’s not. 

Cole gets to the mausoleum first, but instead of using those two seconds to say anything useful like PLAY ALONG or even a silent WINK WINK, he just goes all stiff. Two Timer shows up (kind of. Just her eyes appear? It’s weird, my friends). Cole asks Phoebe where Pirelli is and what her plan is and then tells her to stay out of this. Phoebe doesn’t get it and doesn’t play along at all. She’s all worried. Cole tells her to not do anything, go home and wait to hear from him. 

Phoebe heads back to the Manor and fills her sisters in: Cole was being weird, almost mean. She thinks he’s in trouble. Piper thinks he’s turned, but Phoebe stands up for him some more. Three demons suddenly appear in the the living room. Prue uses telekinesis and Phoebe a HIYAH! kick to get them back until Piper freezes time. They call for Leo who runs in with some potions that immediately vanquish the demons. Prue thinks that was too easy and then remembers CEO in the basement. They run down there in time to see Cole and Inconvenient grabbing CEO and shimmering away. 

After a not!break, Phoebe looks sadly out of a window. Prue wants them to get moving, but Phoebe wants to use this time to ask why Prue kept a bit o’ Cole in the fridge. Prue apologizes, but you know, she thought it would be handy for protecting them. Phoebe asks why, in case Cole tried to kill them? Piper points out that uh, yeah, just like that whole season he spent, trying to kill them. Phoebe rolls her eyes and looks out the window some more. 

Piper says that she knows that Phoebe and Cole love each other, but this whole undercover thing was stupid. (J: Is … is this the writers going for super honesty just like Cole?) And for as much as Phoebe believes that Cole is still helping them, and has some plan of his own, no one else in the house has that kind of faith. The vote is 3 against 1. 

Brotherhood Neighborhood. Vornac is pissed that this mission cost him 3 lackey demons. Inconvenient says the witches were more prepared than they expected. Vornac calls that another coincidence, but Cole swearsies that he didn’t tip the witches off. Two Timer confirms that he just told Phoebe to go home… unless that was some kind of code. (J: YEAH THAT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE TO SPEAK IN CODE, WOULDN’T IT HAVE, COLE?) To make matters fishier, Cole hid CEO until he’s sure that no one is going to kill him. Vornac starts to leave, but Cole holds him back with a warning:the witches have a potion to vanquish him. Vornac considers this and then wonders if the witches would vanquish Cole. 

Meeting room, somewhere. The 3Ps march in with purpose, but are surprised to find Cole instead of Vornac. Piper and Prue are aggressive, but Cole says they are still working together. CEO is in the safest places they know. “The mausoleum,” Phoebe guesses, and Cole nods. Then, Phoebe throws the vanquishing potion. Cole morphs into Vornac and then is vanquished. Her sisters ask how she knew and if she was super sure she wasn’t killing her boyfriend. Phoebe says that the safest place Cole knows is with her. Wow, seems like a flimsy thing to base almost murdering your boyfriend on, but maybe I just don’t understand true love.

Jessica: If I were Cole, I’d be taking note on how literally and specifically she interprets the boyfriend-y things he says to her. Maybe start a Notes file on his phone, just in case.

Mari: It could be the difference between life and death.

Real Cole shimmers in and starts making his excuses– he had to play it evil so everyone would believe him and so the 3P’s would be motivated to kill Vornac. He could’ve stopped at the first part, ’cause the motivation thing makes no sense. They kill demons, Cole. It’s what they do. Anyway, explanation aside, Phoebe says she never doubted Cole (much) and they kiss. We see that Two Timers eyes watch all of this. Cole tells them to grab CEO from the mausoleum before the merger. He’s going back to the Brotherhood Neighborhood to cover his tracks. That seems incredibly stupid, but okay. 

There, Cole tells Inconvenient that Vornac is dead, and Inconvenient should tell TPTB that Cole definitely tried to warn Vornac. Cole says he has to go now, to find proof that he only killed the Triad for the Source. (J: He doesn’t mention going out for more water, but that wouldn’t have been any less of a terrible plan than his current one.) Inconvenient looks suspicious. Before Cole can shimmer away, Two Timer appears with someone in black robes. Black Robes hits Cole in the back with an energy ball and ominously says that Cole has a lot to answer for. 

Graduation Party. Phoebe looks worriedly around. Piper wonders why they can’t ever have a celebration without evil screwing it up. Prue is wearing a completely see-through, lace negligee in like lime green. Wow. Prue says that Phoebe will feel up to celebrating once Cole shows up, but Piper is worried he won’t. Leo says maybe he can’t. 

The sisters go cheer Phoebe up by saying that Cole did the right thing, helping them get CEO back in time to cancel the merger. He proved he was good. Phoebe says it was at too high a cost. She should be able to keep one part of her life that magic doesn’t screw with. While I understand the sentiment, it probably won’t be the part that involves your demonic boyfriend, Phoebe.

 

Anyway, Phoebe is sad as she wonders what happened to Cole.

Jessica: And she is alone in that. I would like an update on who the movie thriller murderer was, though.

 

Next time on Charmed: Piper gets a new power and more Cole drama in S03 E20 – Exit Strategy.