Previously: Lor’s parents found out she’s engaged
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Red Light on the Wedding Night
Katherine: Before I get into this, I want to say that I hold a very special place in my heart for Gilmore Girls and the great things it did for me while it aired and I was Rory’s age, but when the series first came to Netflix, I was Lorelai’s age, and I wish I hadn’t hit play. With time and age (they’re different!) this show does not hold up. Some of that is the fault of the time that it aired, because SO much has changed since then, but a lot of it is the characters themselves. So forgive me if the following does not portray me as the Rory or the Lorelai I always wished I would become, but shows me for the Emily that I truly am because watching this as an adult has taught me that most of the time, Emily was right.
We are in wedding planning mode now, I suppose, because the last scene of the previous episode was Emily’s perfectly passive aggressive approval of Lorelai’s engagement. So of course the show that is about two size 2 women who constantly eat opens this episode with Lorelai and Rory tasting cakes at the local bakery. Bakery owner/operator Fran is adorable and doesn’t get Lorelai’s humor, which may explain why she doesn’t think it’s weird that they are tasting wedding cake somewhere that is not from Sookie, because anyone actually knows anything about Lorelai and Sookie has to know that even if Lorelai were to order a cake from somewhere else, Sookie is definitely making one for her too.
Samantha: I have always wanted to go wedding cake tasting because movies/tv have always made it look fun and delicious, so I don’t really blame them for this.
Katherine: Honestly before my thoughts on Lorelai changed, I’m sure I totally understood, but now I just like to pick at her.
Oh, they’ve mentioned that Max is back, which I guess means that we’ve gone through the summer, so the whole wedding being in 2 weeks that was just mentioned makes a bit more sense. Beyond the timeline of the show, this scene is also dating the show when Rory specifies that she made some wedding invitations “on her computer” with a tone of that being not a normal thing. Lorelai complains about the sappiness of poetry and picks a Mussolini quote for the invitations, which is appropriate, since this wedding is supposed to be for her and Max, but she is making all the decisions. If you just mentioned that he’s back in town, why is he not also tasting cakes and gagging over invitation poetry, huh Lorelai?!? (S: ‘Cause their relationship is weird.)
Huzzah, Rory points out what I wondered about ethics of cake tasting when Sookie is going to bake the cake, maybe I remembered that from a previous watch.
After Carole King follows us, Kirk is being Kirk and has a new gig as wedding photographer, which means Lorelai gets a fun shot of an almost nude Kirk. Thankfully the camera is spared this image; I wonder if Lauren Graham was. When Kirk gives his rate, which is a pretty normal wedding photographer rate, Lorelai counters with offering him food and paying for the supplies. I get that you’re on a budget girl, but pay people for their labor. (S: Legit.)
The wedding is two weeks out, but Lorelai and Max are still awkward about him staying over at the house he’s supposedly moving into in two weeks. Why are they waiting on the move in? Are they pretending to anyone that there’s some sort of ethical reason for it? When they were in the bakery, Rory and Lorelai were talking about not talking about Lorelai’s sex life, so there’s no secret that the 32 year old woman is sleeping with her fiance. Why wouldn’t he have moved in upon the engagement? Max basically paid for his apartment to store his stuff while he was in Canada for the summer when he could have spent that money on you, Lorelai!
Meanwhile, in teenage romance, Rory and Dean are lamenting current movies, so they decide to watch the Monty Python tape again (more dating the show, they specifically said tape!), and then the idea of a double date with Lorelai and Max comes up, which is an odd concept for me. Dean’s question about a double date with adults pins it down for me when Rory answers, “Just mom and Max.” I get wanting to have dinner with your daughter and her boyfriend, and your fiance being there makes sense, but calling it a double date is weird, no?
Samantha: Yeah. I remember this even bothering me at the time it aired, and I was just a young teen.
Katherine: Max cooking dinner for Lorelai in her kitchen is giving me scrunchy face. Lorelai is sitting there, being 33, with pigtails, totally gleeful that she can’t cook and THEN, Max puts bread in the broiler before he’s done anything with the vegetables that he just chopped. Um, I know Rory and Lorelai just found out what a broiler is and that they have one, but I’m a little concerned that Max also doesn’t know anything about cooking because that bread is either going to be burnt or cold again by the time those veggies have cooked at all.
Also, Max is again confused by the lack of kitchen knowledge in the Gilmore house. It’s almost like he doesn’t ever hang out there and doesn’t really know either of these women that well. It definitely makes sense for he and Lorelai to be getting married IN TWO WEEKS!
Samantha: Remember a couple episodes ago when it was vaguely implied he had never seen her bedroom? Good grief, these two.
Katherine: We’ve moved to the living room and the girls are quoting a movie I’ve never heard of as they watch it, which is endearing. Max objects to the shushing he gets any time he talks during the movie, and while Lorelai has a perfectly good explanation, this is just another sign that she is not making room in her life for you dude. She’s also sitting with her daughter on the floor when you have so much room on the couch you could be sharing with her. Why does she not want to be sitting next to the man she’s about to marry? At 33, sitting on the floor is no longer fun anyway!
When the movie is over, Lorelai is the only one who really seems weirded out by Max going to bed in her room when Rory is in the house. Seriously, what does she think is going to happen after the wedding? That suddenly things are different because they each said two specific words and signed a paper? What’s Lorelai’s solution though? She wakes up her 16-year-old daughter because a teenager is definitely the right person to help an adult process her insecurities. Oh yay, she does the totally healthy thing of crowding Rory’s bed instead of going to talk to the man she’s agreed to marry.
Huzzah, we get to Luke’s! Taylor is being nice, so he definitely wants something from Luke, but since Luke is an actual adult he can see that despite Taylor’s attempt at brushing it off.
The girls come in, and Lorelai requests a larger table than is readily available be cleared off, but when they sit at the table, it’s the same size as the one they passed up? Luke complains about the sustainability of newspapers, showing me that really, if he had a beard, he’d be my dream man. Suddenly everyone is confused about why a person who has never had breakfast at Luke’s would need to look through the menu before ordering. I’m with you Max, read that menu. There’s a weird look exchanged but it doesn’t truly get weird until Lorelai and Rory for some reason don’t want to order until Max is ready. Now is the time you chose to make room for him? Oh, then they start rushing him and it’s back to normal. (S: I was so second hand uncomfortable, it was rough.)
Uh oh, Luke has noticed that there are men working outside the diner. Suddenly Taylor is by his side to let him know – Oh yay! It’s the stoplight episode!!!!! – that the men are there to install Stars Hollow’s first ever stoplight and metered crosswalk. Considering his previous feelings about newspapers and trees, no one is surprised that Luke is none too happy about this. There are policy words exchanged, and it ends with Taylor telling Luke he can’t stop progress. Luke is one of the more realistic characters, so he just grumps back to the diner where Lorelai there to make sure that he definitely knows about the wedding and is curious about whether he’s coming. Unconsciously unrequited love is not enough to distract this adult though, and Luke leaves to make some calls to stop the light.
We jump to the post-dinner part of that double date and Max is confused about all the things that the Gilmores have eaten, especially when they literally run to go get ice cream after steak dinners. I know a lot of people hate Dean, but he comes through in this scene as the voice of reason, first by calling out the fact that Max doesn’t know anything about Gilmore eating habits, and then advising Max to answer the pepperoni. Dean knows them so well that he understands that even though Max was just complaining about how much he ate at dinner, the place where Lorelai really will remember to make space for him is when ordering, because she comes over with his favorite flavor right then.
Samantha: It’s so fucking weird how little he knows them, for real. Cannot be overstated.
Katherine: For as much a Lorelai likes to talk about herself, it’s like they’ve spent no time together or something.
Porch. Things get awkward because Max seems to think that he needs to parent Rory, proving that he doesn’t know her. He has this big conversation, which is completely appropriate, about what his role is with Rory. Lorelai flat out says that he isn’t needed there, and she’ll handle any big life things that come up for Rory. We’re back on the no room for Max thing.
Next ,we’re at the unveiling of that controversial stop light and crosswalk, where Lorelai and Sookie are planning the bachelorette party, because why wouldn’t you do that in a crowd of people waiting for something completely unrelated to that event? Lorelai promises Taylor that they’ll talk in little tiny mice voices. Luke spots Taylor’s propagandizing and compares him to Hitler, before the reveal of a ridiculous sign of directions. Sure, this town may not have had a crosswalk and stop light before, but does Taylor think that the residents of Stars Hollow are complete morons? Luke agrees with me by saying, “It’s written for morons,” and Babette points out the “big stupid letters.” I could clearly get along with the people of Stars Hollow, if only based upon our mutual annoyance with Taylor.
Oh, now I understand why Lorelai and Sookie are planning at this town gathering, they’re checking the guest list! In case you missed it, Babette is not coming, but she wants Lorelai to grope a stranger for her. (S: Ah Babette.)
Turns out in his infinite wisdom, Taylor has had the crosswalk timed to accommodate the pace of their slowest citizen which gives enough time for Luke to complain about marriage even though we know his issue with it is that Lorelai is marrying someone else. If we didn’t know, the flirty look he gives her as Sookie pulls her away explains all of that. The inaugural crossing of the walk is still only half way over, so Lorelai and Sookie definitely just jaywalked, which is what I assume most of the town does anyway. This seems like something that Taylor should take issue with.
BACHELORETTE PARTY TIME!!!!
Except that Rory is with them, even though they are definitely in line for a bar. Even if there are no strippers involved, I’m pretty sure it’s not cool to bring a 16-year-old to a bar, Lorelai, cut the damn cord already!
Michele is also there, which I’m a fan of, but does not jive with the relationship that we have so far seen between him and Lorelai. As much of a wet blanket as he usually is, this time he’s on the “Rory is 16 and should not be here train,” and I have to say I’m with him, as stated above. Lorelai is not deterred, and she believes that Rory will get into this bar.
Max calls, on the cell phone that was definitely realistic for both he, a high school teacher, and Lorelai, an innkeeper (sure there are better descriptors of what she does, but technically that fits!) to have had and carried on them at the time. There’s been a slight accident and Max’s bachelor party is at the hospital. The night must go on though, after taking his brother home because Lorelai reminds Max that as of next week, he’s no longer allowed to look at another woman’s “breastage.” I understand that it was a joke, but blech, I don’t like it.
Lorelai charms the doorman who seems to also be a bouncer, uses a line that my brother and I quote all the time but never remember the context on, “Yeah yeah with the lederhosen and such,” and Rory is allowed in, because pretty white women can do that. (S: THE ACCURACY.)
Turns out, they’re at a Drag Club! This is 100% the kind of place that I expect Lorelai to go on her bachelorette party, but it is not a place I expect Emily Gilmore to look comfortable in, but she does because SURPRISE Michele invited her. Lorelai orders about as much booze as she can in a single drink because being a borderline functional alcoholic is a totally appropriate way to deal with your parent.
Michele laments that there is no dancing, which is apparently a thing that he likes to do on the weekends and ladies like that he does it. I totally forgot that this show used to pretend that Michele was straight. Has anyone analyzed it enough to figure out if Michele was unsure about his attraction to men for most of the show, or if it was the show that was in denial? I’d very much like to discuss this at some point.
Samantha: They totally pretend he’s straight, but, here you could argue that technically the ladies loving it doesn’t mean HE loves THEM? Maybe? Ah, making thin excuses for your old favorite shows that don’t hold up in 2019.
Katherine: Back to the Queen Victoria, which is the name of the club and is somehow supposed to have been a give away that it was a drag spot? Emily ends up telling a really adorable story about how in love she was with Richard before their wedding and how she was constantly thinking about him and would try on her wedding dress each night.
When Lorelai gets back to the table, Michele is missing, but he hasn’t left! Instead he is on stage dancing, until Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction and Mary J. Blige join him and he gets super uncomfortable. THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE FOR HIS CHARACTER, AMY SHERMAN-PALADINO!!!!! (S: +1).
The rest of the night must’ve gone well because Lorelai, Sookie, and Michele are all hungover at the inn, which is also not in line with Michele’s character. He definitely seems like the type to have had all of the water before bed and woken up annoyingly ok, but whatever. Max, on the other hand, is not hungover, and despite calling bullshit on a lot of Lorelai’s thinking, I’m with her on the idea that he could not have drunk copiously the night before if this is his current condition.
He’s at the inn because he wanted to drop something off at the house (aren’t you moving in, in a week, why bring things over piecemeal?) and he doesn’t have keys yet. Lorelai is apologizing and already trying to downplay the clearly subconscious block she has against letting him into her life when he then calls her out and she flat out denies it. Wait, is it a denial if you’re in denial, because I get that Lorelai doesn’t even realize what’s happening yet, even if every single viewer and Max already have. Lorelai deflects and claims that she needs an assistant, and Max finally tells her that she needs to think about someone other than herself for a few minutes a day.
You stop that, Max. You are fairly generic and have zero beard, but you definitely deserve better than you’re getting from the most selfish Gilmore.
Samantha: IDK, a big part of me wants to argue that Rory is the most selfish Gilmore but maybe she isn’t just yet.
Katherine: By the end they are definitely in a serious race to see who is the most selfish, but this early, I still think it’s L.
They agree that he’ll bring the printer over tomorrow and she’ll have the keys. They leave without ever touching. AREN’T YOU TWO SUPPOSED TO BE ALL OVER EACH OTHER BECAUSE YOU’RE GETTING FREAKING MARRIED!? How do they possibly not see where this has been going since their engagement?
Later that day Lorelai and Rory are talking about school starting before Rory brings up that Christopher has totally ratted on his baby mama, as he should have because he’s aware that if she actually wanted to marry her fiance, she would not have called his scummy face during the bachelorette party. Lorelai can’t admit that’s the reason she called, though. Instead she blames the Long Island Iced Tea that she’d had about a sip and a half of before making that phone call. Being the more mature one of the pair, the younger Gilmore reminds her mother that everyone just wants her to be happy, and then asks if she is. This is brushed off, because actually answering questions is totally overrated and makes you accountable and shit. (S: Yeah, okay, Rory is definitely not the most selfish yet.)
Suddenly, there is noise outside. It’s Luke with a chuppah! Luke is the perfect friend because even though he’s definitely in love with Lorelai, he genuinely wants her to have a lovely wedding. By way of insulting Max, he tells Lorelai that he’ll mow the lawn before the wedding as well. Sure, it might be a little unhealthy that he’s doing all of this instead of having told her how he feels, but at least he’s doing something productive and supportive with what must be some frustrated energy! THIS IS HOW YOU FRIENDZONE, FELLAS!
We get into serious talk when they sit down on the front steps, because of course. Luke all but apologizes for putting down Max, and then takes back some of the anti-marriage stuff he said before. They get into the idea of that ONE person and talk about it while looking at each other straight in the eye. They stand back up, ending the serious talk, and the show gives us a super gratuitous shot of Lorelai and Luke standing next to each other under the chuppah, almost like they’re foreshadowing something. (S: Whatever could it be?)
Samantha: This scene was another of those really memorable ones for 13 year old me.
Katherine: Rory gets it and understands that this is what her selfish mother needs (that might be harsh, I do understand the getting away thing, but it is pretty selfish too) and just asks what to pack for! There’s no plan, so they’re going with light layers to be prepared for anything and they’re leaving first thing in the morning, so 7-ish, or 5-ish, which will likely be more like 6-ish! Next thing we see is them in the car driving through a deserted Stars Hollow (which sounds more like 4-ish to me) and to bring it all back full circle, they are stopped by that brand new stoplight. This actually tells me that Taylor does not do his research because smart lights were definitely a thing by then, and there’s no way they should have had to stop when they were the only car on the road, and they definitely shouldn’t have had to stop for as long as they did, but I’m guessing it’s supposed to be comedic?
Anyway, Max isn’t my favorite, but he deserves better, and I’m glad he never brought his printer over so he doesn’t have to worry about getting it back. The ability to print things at home was a much bigger deal in 2001.
Samantha: I love you, excellent point.
Next time on Gilmore Girls: Runaway road trip in S02 E04 – The Road Trip to Harvard.
I'm constantly covered in glitter, but surrounded by dinosaurs, so it tends to work itself out. I talk into a camera far less often than I'd like, but more often than most people seem to from the looks I get when I do it in public. Dr Pepper and Dots will always be a prefered date/hostess gift over flowers for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
