Previously: Damon killed the only teacher in town, sad.
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Family Ties
Marines: Elena starts awake after hearing a crash. She gets up and heads out in the hallway to call, “hello?” No one says hello back, rude. Elena hears and sees something, though, so she goes downstairs to investigate. She tries the light switch in the living room, but the power is out. Except the TV is on so we know spooky things are happening. The TV is tuned to local news announcing that there has been another animal attack in Mystic Falls, this time claiming the life of Elena Gilbert. Elena looks on in horror when suddenly Damon appears, saying that she must know what comes next. Elena tries to run from him, but Damon keeps appearing and cornering her until finally he catches her and bites her neck.
This was obviously a dream, but it was Stefan’s dream. Damon is sitting in his room, gloating about how easy it was to break into his head, or whatever, and give him bad dreams. Stefan is so annoyed that he grabs a nearby dagger (letter opener?) and flings it at Damon, who doesn’t even flinch. He does admit that he deserved a dagger to the chest, though.
In addition to tormenting his brother, Damon is here to share the news: the animal behind all those deadly attacks was caught. It was a mountain lion. Stefan wonders why Damon would cover his tracks. Damon says he’s planning on staying here for a while. He’s having too much fun torturing his brother, harassing Elena, and raping children. It’s a right vacation for him, I’m sure.
Stefan reminds Damon that he can’t touch Elena. Damon returns that vervain prevents him from getting into Elena’s head, but maybe that’s not his target. Some girls don’t require his persuasion, just his good looks, charm, and unflinching ability to listen to Taylor Swift. I think what he’s saying is that he’s only a part-time rapist. Damon stabs Stefan with the dagger, and it brings Stefan to his knees.
I think… I think this means that Stefan and Elena are this week’s hapless couple. #deep
Emmy: Hmmm yes, there was screaming, a crunch sound, and the dude got murdered. Or, you know, would have if he wasn’t undead.
Nic: Seems as good a time as any to pop in. Hey, readers! I’m Nic and I’m going to be commentating on the series as well from now on. Nice to meet y’all.
Emmy: Guys, I’m so excited to have my best friend here helping us recap this. It’s going to be magical.
Mari: We love best friends around here.
After the title card, Stefan is watching the news about the mountain lion that was captured. He writes in his Vampire Diary that the real monster is still out there, challenging him. But how does he stop a monster without becoming one?
We cut to Elena’s house where Jenna is also watching the news, all while calling the anchor variations of scum. Elena interrupts to ask what’s happening, and Jenna shares that Logan “Scum” Fell is why she moved away from Mystic Falls. Elena can’t believe it, but also says Logan Scum is cute. Jenna says no he is not, thank you very much.
Talk turns to Elena and what she’s holding: her great grandmother’s wedding ring, which originally belonged to her great-great-grandma. Elena’s mom promised the Founder’s Council they could use it for their heritage display. Jeremy appears to be annoying and wonder how much their family heirlooms would go for on Ebay. But then he objects to Elena giving their stuff away. Elena says it’s a loan, not a gift.
Doorbell. Elena gets up to answer and its Stefan, with a charming smile and his brooding brow. She pulls him inside and greets him with a kiss. We cut to upstairs and their making out is getting horizontal. Stefan starts vamping out, so he pulls away from Elena suddenly.
Emmy: I just finished the travesty that was Midnight Sun. Please, for the love of all that is holy, can we please not have another vampire/human couple who is constantly terrified that one will destroy the other one because they’re so strong?? Please?? I’ve had enough Edward Angst to last me several centuries, thanx.
Mari: Alas, here we are in episode 4 of a million.
Elena asks if Stefan’s okay, but takes it in good humor, saying maybe they should press pause anyway. That was getting pretty… “Yeah,” Stefan finishes.
Stefan starts putting his shoes back on as Elena asks how he looks in a suit. He smiles and says he can pull one off. Elena invites him to the Founder’s Day thing. Stefan is surprised they still do that, surprising Elena. She asks if he’s been, probably meaning in the last 17 years, but you know. Stefan is old. He simply says that the Salvatores don’t get invited anymore.
Nic: You know when in Twilight, Sam says all abruptly, “The Cullens don’t come here” and everyone kind of side-eyes him? Yeah, same feeling here. Way to avoid subtlety, Stefan.
Mari: Elena explains that Founder’s Day, the Founder’s Council and the heritage display all meant a lot to her mom. Stefan can tell it also means a lot to her and very sweetly and formally says it would be his honor to accompany her. Elena returns in kind.
Emmy: Okay, they’re pretty cute. I will allow this ship to sail as long as the writers do- so far, Stefan seems to be supportive, kind, affectionate, and aware of her needs and wishes. It’s actually a refreshing change from a lot of the romance and YA novels I’ve read lately.
Mari: Truly. While the bar is low, I appreciate that we are (currently) clearing it.
Caroline is trying on dresses while Damon reads on the bed, occasionally watching her. He nixes a yellow dress and tells her to go for a blue one. She doesn’t want to, but Damon insists, especially if he’s going to be her date. Caroline says he isn’t her date because her mom is going to be at the party. Damon doesn’t take no for an answer, especially since he went through a lot of trouble to make sure the party wasn’t canceled. He compels Caroline into inviting him, which she does, and he accepts on the condition that she doesn’t wear the yellow dress. Caroline takes it off and we can see bite marks on her back as she picks another dress.
From the bed still, Damon wonders out loud what it is about Bella that had Edward so whipped. I wish you all could hear how loudly I’m not laughing right now.
Emmy: It seems a bit out of character for Damon to give someone that kind of information and, really, power over him, tbh. Let’s all twiddle our thumbs until something happens with that.
Nic: Ehhhh. I feel like it could be somewhat in character. I mean, Damon’s a narcissistic douchebag. He likes to talk and listen to his voice, and he probably thinks that it will somehow screw Stefan over in the long run. Or, and more likely, he’s just planning on killing her so her knowledge will be moot.
Mari: Fair point. I can’t imagine he has any long term plans for Caroline.
Caroline looks at her bite marks and wonders if they are going to turn her into a vampire. Damon says it’s more complicated than that. She would have to feed on his blood, die, and then feed on a human. It’s a whole ordeal that Twilight also got wrong. Damon pulls Caroline in bed with him and she giggles. He kisses her sweetly, which she notes. He can be very sweet when he wants to be. He agrees, while caressing her. She quietly asks if he is going to kill her and Damon, just as sweetly, confirms that he is. (N: See.) Not yet though. There’s something he needs first. Caroline beams up at him. She’ll do anything. Damon asks how good she is at getting her little nose where it doesn’t belong. Caroline says she’s excellent. They kiss some more.
Mystic Fall’s One Restaurant and Grill. Tyler’s dad is wondering what happens to football season now that the one teacher and coach the town had is dead. Tyler points out that probably no one is worried about that right now. His mom agrees and would rather talk about Founder’s Day. Vicki comes over and asks if they need anything. Tyler’s dad (he’s the Mayor! Did we know this?) (E: Nope.) calls her honey and sweetheart, and I hate it. Tyler ignores her completely. He can’t even look at her. She notices and leaves in a huff.
Also at the One Grill, Bonnie is upset that Caroline is going with Damon to the party because Elena is taking Stefan, which leaves her alone. Bonnie asks what Caroline’s mother will say about her taking “older, sexy danger guy.” Caroline says she doesn’t care, but also Damon isn’t dangerous! He’s just got drama with his brother, but she shouldn’t say exactly what. A-ha. This is her sticking her nose in that business Damon was talking about. Bonnie wonders when Caroline has ever kept a secret, and Caroline keeps up her “oh, gosh, okay I’ll tell you” routine, though she makes Bonnie promise not to tell Elena.
Emmy: Yeahhh and Bonnie’s “No of course not” face is the exact face I give when I’m mentally drafting a text to my best friend spilling all the secrets I just got.
Mari: Caroline knows what’s up and is fully taking advantage of the “if you tell me, you tell my best friend” rule.
Tyler finds Vicki, who is still upset about how he treated her in front of his parents. She’s tired of him treating her like trash. He says he totally doesn’t, and her follow-up question is “then who are you taking to the Founder’s Day party?” Tyler asks if she wants to go to the Founder’s Day party. Vicki answers no, but she’s smiling a ton. She says it will be stupid and lame. Tyler smarms that it will be less so if she’s there. He walks away before she answers. Not that that was a real invite.
Vicki is all smiles and good feelings, but who is sitting at the bar in stalking distance? Yep, Jeremy. He points out that Vicki had to ask Tyler to ask her. He tells her that maybe if she dresses up like a respectable young lady, maybe Tyler will treat her like one. This is apparently Jeremy treating Vicki so much better. Vicki scoffs and delivers the “screw you” he deserves. Jeremy adds that she knows she’s making the wrong choice and yet she persists. She scoffs again and walks away. I’m not sure if I’ve made this clear yet, but Jeremy really annoys me. Someone needs to start a get Vicki out of Mystic Falls fund.
Emmy: I hate when shows/movies/books make it seem like someone (usually a female) has only two options, especially when both options suck. RUN AWAY. LEAVE BOTH OF THESE DICKWEASELS.
Mari: Yes.
Uncle Nephew Zach is walking through the Salvatore Manor and stops when he sees Damon hanging out on a couch. Damon says he’s going through Stefan’s homework. He can’t understand the whole being an old vampire going to high school thing. This is the most I’ve agreed with Damon ever because IT’S TRUE. WHAT’S THE APPEAL. I mean, it’s “dating children,” that’s the appeal. So. Cool.
Emmy: Yeah, it’s definitely the access to underage girls.
Also, though, Damon grumbles about how in the 70’s Stefan went Ivy League, to Harvard specifically, and maybe it’s just that I’ve been reading a lot of Midnight Sun material lately but I was like, OF COURSE, EVERY SMART VAMPIRE GOES TO HARVARD. I would be disappointed if he hadn’t gone “the Harvard route” as Edward did.
Mari: Uncle Nephew Zach asks Damon why he’s here. Damon snarks that he’s here to spend time with him. Family is important. Zach knows Damon, though, and knows he always has a motive. Damon super-runs over to Zach and grabs him by the neck, saying that Zach has no right to question him. Zach chokes out that he didn’t mean to upset Damon. While still choking his Uncle Nephew, Damon says he isn’t upset. Zach is saved by the arrival of Stefan, who asks what’s going on. Damon drops Zach and says it was a family moment.
Nic: Stefan should recognize it from the familial stabbing earlier on in the episode. (E: A+)
Mari: Once Damon is gone, Stefan asks Zach if he’s okay. Zach is NOT okay. And neither is Stefan. How many more people have to die before Stefan sees that? Stefan says he sees it, but doing something about it would take human blood. He can’t do that. Zach has a suggestion: giving Damon vervain to weaken him. Stefan says that vervain hasn’t grown in Mystic Falls since 1865. Damon saw to that. The little bit that Stefan had, he gave to Elena. Zach looks at him because he has a Secret.
Zach leads Stefan downstairs somewhere to his grow room full of vervain. It’s a little something that has been passed down through generations of Salvatores of the non-vampire kind. Blood only runs so deep. If Damon knew that Zach had this, he’d kill him. Stefan is like “uh, vampire also, why are you telling me?” Zach says he trusts Stefan. And Stefan is going to need it to get rid of everyone’s least favorite, Damon.
Emmy: Zach may be my favorite, though. He’s got an interesting character arc going.
Nic: Same. I’m fond of him. Plus he’s all for Stefan cutting the Batman “I can’t kill or I’d be a bad guy” routine, which I am ALSO all for. We should make a Damon kill-count throughout the season/series and see how many people could have been saved if Stefan had just ended him sooner.
Mari: After a dramatic cut to black, we’re back at the Gilbert house. Jeremy answers the door, but closes it when he sees that it’s Tyler. He’s here for his mom, though, to collect the heritage display stuff. Elena brings it and tells him to be very careful with it. Jeremy is antagonistic, so Elena tells Tyler to just go. Before he does, Tyler asks Jeremy if would make a difference to him to know that he actually likes Vicki. “Not even if you meant it,” Jeremy replies before closing the door. We all remember you getting sexual assaulty, Tyler.
Emmy: Does the show, tho? Time will tell.
Nic: On the same thread though– Jeremy’s affection for Vicki doesn’t keep him from acting like a dick to her either. So yeah, Jeremy. If you treat someone like crap, your affections don’t make up for it. You understand that with Tyler but not with you??
Mari: #vickineedsaplaneticket
Bonnie is making small talk about Elena getting pretty for her date and seeming happy-ish. Elena says she is, ish, but she can also tell that Bonnie came here to tell her something. Bonnie swears her to secrecy because Damon would be so mad if he knew that Caroline squealed. (E: lol told you, I tell Nic everything.) (N: It’s just amazing to me that it took Bonnie this long to spill the beans. Like… phone calls, girl. Good tea has to be S H A R E D.)
Basically, the story is that they both dated the same girl, Katherine, but Katherine chose Damon. Stefan got so mad that he did awful things to break Damon and Katherine up. And eventually he got to Katherine and turned her against Damon. Elena smartly realizes that that sounds like Damon’s side of the story. Besides, Stefan’s past relationship isn’t her business. Bonnie says it is her business if Stefan is a manipulative liar. Elena knows he isn’t. Bonnie is like “well how do you know?” Elena is stumped on that one. I mean, the easy answer is “he doesn’t manipulate or lie to me” but I’m not sure Elena could say that.
Stefan and Damon are getting ready for the Founder’s Day party while snapping at each other.
Emmy: I am SO distracted by the tattoo on Stefan’s shoulder. Can vampires get tattoos? If a dagger in the stomach healed instantly, how would the ink take? While tattooing has been around since Egyptian times, they were rarely simply decorative during the time Stefan was alive. So why does Stefan have a flower tattoo? How do we tattoo a vampire? I have so many questions.
Nic: It may mean, and I’m instantly jealous of this answer, that there’s just no recovery time. I mean, if I cut open a vampire and put something inside him (creepy but stay with me here) his body would probably heal around the item and he would become a vessel for it. Through that line of thinking, the ink being placed under the skin may not be rejected, but may immediately heal and be perfect forever, without fading, rejecting, or anything. Ughhh to be an immortal with perfect tattoos…
Emmy: So we could potentially use Damon as a safe-deposit box? Fascinating.
Mari: You definitely could, but I don’t think you’d want to.
Stefan very obviously takes a drink of whiskey, and Damon notes that he’s driven Stefan to drink. Stefan says that since he can’t rid himself of Damon, what else is he supposed to do besides go about living his life. Damon is like, “you are super dead, dude. There’s literally no living.”
At the Gilbert House, Elena and Bonnie are getting ready together. My once-a-2020-recap moment where I miss something from the depths of isolation but: remember getting ready to go out with a friend? Wow.
Emmy: Ugh, that hurt my heart. I miss that too.
Nic: I never went out anyway, so I’m good. #introvertsforthewin
Mari: The phone rings, and Elena runs to answer it. It’s Mrs. Lockwood. At first, Elena can’t believe what Mrs. Lockwood is saying, but then she seems to realize. She tells Mrs. L that she’ll find it and bring it with her. Elena hangs up and marches out of her room and into Jeremy’s room. She smacks his headphones off and asks him where their father’s pocket watch is. It was on the list of things they were going to give Mrs. Lockwood and now it’s gone. At first, Jeremy plays dumb, but when Elena asks if he’s planning to sell it to pay for his weed, he gives in. He grabs the watch from hiding and says he would never sell it. Their dad says the watch belonged to the firstborn son. His dad gave it to him, and their dad was going to give it to Jeremy. Elena looks sorry, but their mom promised Mrs. Lockwood. What is she supposed to do? Jeremy tells her to just get out.
Damon is still checking himself out in the mirror, reflecting on how cool it is to never get old and be an eternal stud. Stefan toasts him and says that being a 150-year-old teenager has been the height of his happiness. Damon laughs, surprised that Stefan said something funny. And it’s true. We have heard 0 funny things from Stefan since this show started. (E: Yeah, he’s sweet but he’s a broody bitch.) Damon says he should have a drink to celebrate. Everything about this is painfully obvious, and these two boys are not good at fooling each other.
Damon walks over to the alcohol, and near it, finds a picture of Katherine. Damon says that in 1864, Stefan and Katherine were the perfect couple. It was hell watching them dance together. Stefan reminds Damon that his happiness was short-lived. Damon remembers. Stefan brought her home and gave her a kiss on the cheek that night, when what she really wanted was, in the words of Damon, dot dot dot. Damon pours his drink and says here’s to history repeating itself. And then he pours out the drink. He’s onto Stefan’s plan of pouring himself a drink and spiking the bottle with vervain. Damon says he isn’t some sorority chick Stefan can just roofie. (N: Damon, your inner rapist is showing.) Stefan looks like a kicked puppy as Damon says that now he has to go to the party angry and who knows what he’ll do. In fact, Stefan looks so disappointed, I am now convinced that Stefan was super obvious about his plan on purpose. There are layers to this.
Emmy: Yeahh… that was pretty dumb, Stefan. You barely even tried. But is it me, or has Stefan somehow gotten MUCH hotter this episode??
Mari: Don’t ask me, I’ve always been in the minority that prefers Stefan brooding brow to Damon’s pretty perfection.
Party. The Lockwoods are greeting all the guests as they arrive. Tyler spots Vicki and rushes over to meet her. He grabs her and tells her they should go around the back, straight into the party, without passing his parents. Vicki looks crestfallen. Mrs. Lockwood sees all of this go down.
Back at the boarding house, Uncle Nephew Zach apologizes to Stefan because he thought the whiskey plan would work. Stefan says he wasn’t counting on it. I would take credit for being good at TV, but truly, they made it too easy. Stefan says Damon’s guard is down now, and he won’t expect Stefan to try again so soon. Uncle Nephew Zach hands over another vial of even more vervain.
Elena is just about ready. Her hair is in a poof that is so 2009, it hurts me. (E: A+) (N: Ugh but look how gorgeous Nina Dobrev is.)
Party. Caroline and Damon arrive. Mrs. Lockwood greets them, and she invites them to come on in. Before that, Damon was standing at the door, outside the threshold. It was a good, “oh yes! The invitation!” moment. (E: God, I freaking love that lore.) He steps in and says that he’s been waiting for this party “for a long time.” Everyone looks past his slightly strange statement. Caroline almost immediately spots her mother, who is the Sheriff of Mystic Falls. I’m not sure that we knew this prior to this moment. Something tells me that The Vampire Diaries is going to be a show like Pretty Little Liars, where I immediately forget like 60% of everything that happens in any given episode. I apologize in advance for this selective amnesia.
Emmy: It’s okay, we literally know nothing about Caroline other than she’s being brain-raped by dating Damon and is a cheerleader.
Mari: Caroline can’t believe her mom couldn’t even take off her uniform for this party. Sheriff Mom is like “…I’m working?” She also noticed that Caroline tried to sneak her date past. Caroline says he’s just some guy. Sheriff Mom thinks he looks a little old for Caroline, and she just snits that sure, like she’d approve otherwise. Finally, Sheriff Mom asks where Caroline’s dad is, and is happy to hear that he’s in Memphis. She is less happy when Caroline throws a “with Stephen” over her shoulder as she walks away.
Stefan and Elena arrive at the party. Thankfully, Mayor Lockwood is on hand to invite them in. Convenient timing. Stefan gives Elena a super long kiss on the cheek. Damon watches from nearby.
Nic: NO. It’s so creepy. Ughhhh. I’m cringing over here. They just talked about how Stefan kissed Katherine on the cheek, and then make a note of replaying it here. And that skeeves me out a lot. It’s one thing if a story goes full-reincarnation, if Elena truly had Katherine’s soul and was Katherine. But she isn’t, and Stefan has even said that they’re totally different. So that just makes the fact that he’s looking for this chick who looks like his old girlfriend and is following the same patterns and memories with her… icky. I do not like it.
Mari: Later that night, VV Brown’s “Back in Time” plays as we get a pan of some of the items on loan from the Founding Families. Stefan finds Elena considering her family’s heirlooms with many emotions. They hold hands.
Out at the party, Best Aunt Jenna grabs a glass of wine. It’s lucky she does, because next she’s stopped by Logan. They quip a bit about whether or not she expected (yes) and hoped (nope) to see him. He invites her to lunch and she turns him down flatly. He thinks she hasn’t changed a bit, but she says actually, now she’s meaner.
Elena finds the guest registry for the original Founder’s Party. Stefan gets “oh shit” face. And indeed, under signatures for a Lockwood (E: Who was also the mayor, is this shit handed down like the monarchy?) and a Forbes, she finds Damon and Stefan Salvatore. Elena looks at him shocked, as if anyone in any normal situation would assume these were the same Damon and Stefan hundreds of years ago and not, you know, ancestors. Stefan looks totally stumped too like “oh no! What HOW do I cover this up?”
Nic: Dude, just say they’re family names that get passed down a lot. I have three Glens in my family. It happens.
Mari: Honestly.
Thankfully, the smarter more evil brother shows up and interjects that those were the original Salvatore Brothers, whose story was very tragic. (E: Running list: Stefan’s sweet but he’s not funny or smart.) Stefan says they don’t need to bore everyone with that story. Of course Elena says it wouldn’t be boring so things are just awkward. (N: It’s Stefan. He’s such an awkward turtle.) Caroline says she’s bored. She wants to dance, but Damon won’t dance with her. She asks Elena if she can borrow her date, and Elena gives a forced laugh. Stefan says he doesn’t dance, but Damon insists that he does. Caroline asks Elena if she would mind, but in that passive-aggressive “you don’t mind, RIGHT?” kind of way. Elena says it’s up to Stefan, but before he can say anything, Caroline grabs him and leads him away. Damon looks after them satisfied.
Damon apologizes for being a jerk when he tried to kiss Elena the other night. He says his therapist says he’s acting out to punish Stefan. Elena asks for what, but Damon won’t share. It’s all in the past. And then he does share because of course he does. (E: Like his abuse vic- I mean girlfriend, he can’t keep a secret.) He says the Salvatores are cursed with sibling rivalry, dating back to the original Salvatore brothers.
As they dance, Stefan asks Caroline if Damon asked her to ask him to dance. She wonders why Damon would do that. Stefan puts her off to the side and asks if she wants some champagne, grabbing her one. She tells him to just be on the lookout of Sheriff Mom and takes a sip with a giggle.
Damon tells Elena that the Salvatores were practically royalty in this town, up until the war, and the Battle of Willow Creek. Confederate soldiers killed a bunch of union sympathizers after gathering them all in a church. Damon and Stefan had someone they loved in that church and when they tried to rescue them, they were both shot. Elena asks who was in the church and Damon says it was a woman. It always comes down to the love of a woman. Elena says she’s sorry about whatever thing Stefan and Damon have between them, but she can’t get in the middle of it. She hopes they can work it out. Damon hopes so, too. They are also really close to each other’s faces.
Tyler and Vicki are just sitting outside, far from the rest of the party. Vicki asks if he wants to dance, but Tyler begs off. Vicki asks for a tour, but he says no to that, too. Vicki says maybe she’ll just go give Pastor Bill a lap dance, and I know it’s not for real, but that would instantly make this episode so much better. We’ve practically watched the same episode of Brooding Brothers and the Women They Love 4 times now. (E: With a reprise of “our ancestors had the same problem” from Damon just now.) Anyway, Vicki’s point is that it’s obvious Tyler is ashamed of her. He says he isn’t, but when Vicki suggests they go say hi to his parents, he stops her. Mrs. Lockwood shows up and apologizes for her son’s rudeness, which she says he gets from his father. Vicki says it’s fine. She was just saying goodnight. As she leaves, Mrs. Lockwood tells Tyler that this is what happens when you bring the trash to a party. Ooooh, so she was lying about where Tyler gets his rudeness, I get it.
Nic: It was a sick burn though.
Mari: Bonnie is sitting alone at a table. Aw, Bonnie. You need some friends who won’t leave you alone at social events because they have boyfriends! The decorative candle on the table blows out. She looks at it very intently and suddenly, it lights up again. Bonnie is disturbed, so she blows the candle out again.
Nic: The show is trying so half-heartedly to make us care about Bonnie’s powers. If it spent more time on it, it would be more involving, but it’s mainly about the love triangle and Bonnie feels like an afterthought added in post.
Mari: Damon and Elena rejoin Stefan and Caroline. Stefan offers Damon the champagne he’s holding, but Damon declines it and there is an awkward silence. Elena asks if Stefan has one more dance in him, and he says yes. Off they go to dance. Caroline thinks they look so cute together. Damon tells her not to talk, and she looks so sad. Honestly, if this doesn’t end with Caroline staking Damon, I’m going to be so disappointed, so I’m going to start preparing myself for disappointment.
Emmy: I dunno, commenters have told us that Caroline gets pretty amazing later on, so a staking may be in the works.
Nic: Man, how cool would it be if Caroline and Vicki teamed up and became Supernatural-style hunters?
Emmy: Also, continuing Nic’s ickiness of the reincarnation or whatever the hell this is, this is obviously supposed to be an echo of 1864, the year that Damon felt it was “hell” to watch Stefan and Katherine together. Now her doppleganger is dancing with Stefan at the same event, and Damon has to stand back and watch again. We get what you’re doing, but it’s gross, show.
Mari: Jenna heads to the bar and Logan is there again. Logan tries to get cute, but Jenna tells him she’s over the banter and would like him to please leave her alone. Logan says he’s sorry about her sister. He came to the funeral. He wanted to be there for her, but didn’t want to push his way in. And when he heard that Jenna was staying in Mystic Falls, he hoped this would be his second chance to make things right. Jenna looks very emotional and she gets a little bit closer to him, looking into his eyes, and says, “Her name was Monica, wasn’t it?” She walks away. Hold onto this energy, Jenna! You can do it! (She probably won’t.) (E: Ugh they never do.)
Elena and Stefan are still dancing and smiling at each other. Stefan hopes Damon didn’t bother her too much, and Elena says he was actually on his good behavior. In fact, he even explained why he is the way he is, and how it all goes back to Katherine. Elena asks Stefan to tell her more about Katherine, but Stefan doesn’t like to talk about that. Elena says she gets that, but that she wants Stefan to open up to her. I mean, they’ve known each other for like three days now and they’ve spent hours looking at each other longingly! Time to move on to the secrets of the past, am I right? (E: If my SO hasn’t divulged deep dark secrets by like the eighth hour of looking at each other longingly, I just cut bait.)
Stefan thinks Damon must’ve said something to set Elena off on this course, but Elena insists it’s not about Damon. She just wants Stefan to tell her anything about himself or else she’s only left with what other people tell her. Stefan asks if she can’t see the way that Damon is trying to turn her against him. Elena says it must be working and stomps off. Damon is on hand to give Stefan his best evil bastard face.
Nic: Elena says ‘open up to me,’ Stefan says ‘no,’ and when she gets pissed he gets all…
Emmy: Elena: Stefan, literally tell me ONE THING about you. It doesn’t even have to be about Katherine.
Stefan: No.
Nic: Meanwhile, Damon’s all “Would you like to know the exact shade of brown my shoes were on my first date with Katherine?”
Mari: If you mix “not smart,” “bad liar,” “vampire” and “broody” you get “I don’t even have a favorite color,” which is clearly what we just saw happen.
Elena is sitting with Bonnie, who thinks she helped plant some of this Stefan-doubt. Elena says no, it was all her. She acted snotty, and after saying she wouldn’t get in the middle of it, got firmly in the middle of it. Mrs. Lockwood joins them and asks Elena about the missing pocket watch. Elena says she couldn’t find it, and it must still be packed up in her parent’s stuff. Mrs. Lockwood gives a wooden smile and tells Elena to just let her know when she finds it.
Caroline finds Damon heading to the heritage display. He grabs her and plants her at the entrance, blocking it some, I guess, while he grabs what looks like a jewelry box from the display. He opens a secret compartment inside and removes a yellow jewel. Caroline asks what he’s doing and how he knew that was in there. Damon says he put it in there a long time ago and now he has it back, thanks to Caroline. She has a lot more protests, but Damon just manhandles her and drags her away.
Emmy: I hate every single thing about the way he is with her, but I want to add that a commenter on the last post labeled Caroline’s new look as The Suspicious Scarf of Suspiciousness and I just love that name so much.
Mari: Jenna is still near the bar (E: Literally me whenever there’s an open bar) and Logan Scum appears again. He hopes that Jenna can see this as persistence and commitment. (N: Dwight Shrute says something almost exactly like that.) Jenna says that she fled town because of him, but Logan replies that he was young and stupid. Things change. Come on Jenna! Remain sassy! She doesn’t. She gives in when Logan proposes more groveling, a recap of his years spent soul searching and cheese fries. She tells him to call her to plan lunch. Cheese fries do be sounding good.
Emmy: Girl’s gotta eat, my dude. A free meal is a free meal.
Mari: Mrs. Lockwood is berating the help because a bunch of the candles in the dining room aren’t lit while Bonnie watches from the corner. Mrs. L walks with the man to grab matches. Bonnie calls Mrs. L a bitch as she walks away. Bonnie looks at one of the unlit candles intently again, but nothing happens. She starts to walk away, but notices that a candle near the door is now lit. When she turns back around, all of the candles are lit. So, like, how much longer until we get past the “am I a witch??” portion of Bonnie’s plot?
Nic: Not to beat a dead horse, but… just… why is she always alone when this happens? If it has no connection to the main characters, it just reinforces the feeling that this is an afterthought.
Emmy: It’s like how everything supernatural in The X Files happened when Scully wasn’t in the room. But reverse.
Mari: Elena comes across Caroline while they are both in the bathroom. Caroline asks how things are with Stefan, and Elena says they are fine! Totally fine! Caroline thinks her radar must be off, because she was getting other vibes. This close to Caroline, Elena sees something beneath the Suspicious Scarf of Suspiciousness she’s wearing around her neck. She pulls it aside and sees the giant bite mark. Elena asks what it is and if someone hurt her. Caroline insists not, but Elena pulls down her wrap to reveal another bite mark on her shoulder. Elena asks if Damon is hurting her this way, but Caroline tells her to just leave her alone.
Elena finds Damon outside and pushes him. She says there is something seriously wrong with him. He needs to stay away from Caroline or she will go directly to Caroline’s mom, the sheriff. Elena walks off, and I am so afraid for Caroline. Seriously, I know she’s a series regular for a long time to come, but considering that Damon is already raping her and treating her like garbage, and now he’s mad. CAROLINE. RUN. AHHHH.
Nic: My social worker brain cringes so hard during all of this. Like… lord. Elena needs to not leave Caroline and not take it out on Damon. PSA: guys, if any of your friends reveal anything like this, intentionally or not, you are in a very precarious situation. Give them resources, support, and comfort. Guide them towards the understanding that it is wrong. Give them opportunities to separate themselves from their abuser. Help them get mental health support. But doing an Elena and yelling at the abuser without actually following up with the sheriff/Caroline’s parent in general puts Caroline in a far more dangerous place than she had been in before. Be careful and loving, guys. Your friends are worth more than your temper.
Mari: Well said.
Next, Elena finds Stefan staring broodingly at a water fountain. She tells him that she takes it all back. Damon is the worst. Stefan asks what happened, and Elena tells him about the bruises and bite marks all over Caroline’s body. Stefan just nods, solemnly, so Elena is taken aback by his lack of surprise. Stefan says he’s handling it, but Elena thinks he should be having Damon arrested. Stefan replies that there are things that Elena doesn’t know and that she can’t know. She just has to trust him. Elena is like, “um, no.”
Jeremy is home playing video games when the doorbell rings. It’s Vicki. He tells her she looks amazing and asks what she’s doing here. She says she figured she’d make one more wrong choice for the day. Apparently, Jeremy enjoys being called a wrong choice and they kiss.
Nic: At least she’s aware that he’s also the worst.
Mari: Caroline squirms away from Damon and explains that Elena just took off her clothes like a weirdo, and she got flustered. She didn’t know what to say so she just said that Damon didn’t mean to hurt her. Damon considers her and then walks behind her, breathing deeply and saying through clenched teeth that she drives him crazy. It’s very Abusive Boyfriend 101. Caroline breathes a sigh of relief and starts to explain again that she didn’t say anything, but Damon shushes her. He says he believes her, but unfortunately, he’s over her. He chomps down on her, the Foley guys give us that classic human CRUNCH, and then he starts super-slurping her. After a few swallows, Damon starts choking. He wonders what the hell is happening and Stefan comes out of the shadows to explain that he knew he couldn’t spike Damon’s drink, so he spiked his drink. WOW.
Emmy: I can’t tell if this makes Stefan shitty or really smart, because you were banking on her being food and/or making him mad enough to punish her like this.
Mari: It’s so gross!! ALL OF IT IS GROSS!
We get some sort of flash and the Salvatore brothers are gone, leaving Caroline alone. She comes back to consciousness, reaches for her purse, and sees that the yellow stone Damon wanted is on the ground. She picks it up and tucks it away. Elena finds her and asks if everything is okay. Caroline says she’s fine, but starts sobbing. Elena hugs her.
Nic: Atta girl, Elena. More of that support. Less of the rage. Now go get her a therapist and into a comforting space, stat.
Mari: Stefan deposits Damon in the vervain dungeon, as Stefan’s Voice Over tells us that he did what he needed to do to keep Elena safe. The headlines read that the deadly beast was captured and all is well in Mystic Falls. Stefan is very confident that Damon will remain in that vervain dungeon for a long time.
Back at the mayoral mansion, Mayor Lockwood asks if they have the Gilbert watch. Mrs. L shares what Elena said about it being locked away. Sheriff Forbes says they are going to need it. Logan Scum says he can get it. Sheriff Forbes says good because they have 5 bodies all drained of blood. Logan Scum announces that “they’ve” come back. I’m actually really glad the people of Mystic Falls aren’t that stupid.
Emmy: Thank God. I’m so sick and tired of the law enforcement and adults in general being absolutely useless in YA. It gets honestly exhausting suspending disbelief, so yay!
Nic: Hopefully Mama Forbes stakes Damon once or twice!
Mari: At this point, I’m hoping everyone gets a chance to stake Damon once or twice.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Emmy is a teacher/poet by day and a blogger/cat mom by night. She spends a lot of time watching scary movies and then jumping at every small noise for the next five or twelve hours. Her dream job would absolutely be kitten/puppy cuddling, or maybe professional napper.
