This post was originally published on October 12, 2015. It has been lightly edited for content and style.
Previously: Edward stalked Bella, but it’s okay because he ~*rescued*~ her.
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Marines: I know you guys have all been waiting to find out what question Edward is going to ask Bella, right? It must be BIG because Stephenie Meyer decided to end her previous chapter and start a whole new one!
Here we go!
“Can I ask just one more?” I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street.”
Aw, man! Stephenie! You cheated!
Edward allows Bella one more question but his lips are “pressed together in a cautious line.” Is this like his “careful eyes”? Are all of my features reckless? Are they bad to the bone?
Catherine: How dare your eyes be so careless! Blinking and winking and shit.
Mari: Don’t you judge my reckless features! YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE.
Bella’s one-more-question is how Edward knew that she’d gone south after she decided not to go into the dirty, hippy bookstore. Edward looks away from her and she grumbles that she thought they were done with the evasiveness. Girl, no. It’s page 179 and the evasiveness is still there, unless of course you are having a crystal clear dream. Maybe go to sleep, or something. Dream!Edward will probably answer your question.
Real life Edward is “almost smiling.” That’s like smiling, but almost.
What’s he almost smiling about? HE FOUND BELLA BY TRACKING HER SCENT.
OH MY CATS. E.L. James got “tracking your cell phone” from Edward TRACKING BELLA’S SCENT.
Kirsti: I read this chapter on my lunchbreak at work and that gif was 100% my reaction to this moment. I also stuck a post-it to the page that says “LOL, Bella smells.” Because obviously.
Mari: After admitting that he sniffed Bella out, Edward looks at the road “giving [Bella] time to compose her face.” Compose her face. Get it together, face!
Catherine: Should’ve been more careful, face!
Annie: It’s not her face’s fault. It’s just following the same stupid lead set by her stupid head and stupid body. It’s caving to peer pressure.
Mari: Bella can’t think of an acceptable response to “I followed your scent” so instead she files that little tidbit away for “future study.” She reminds him that he never answered her question about how mind reading works. He gives her a couple of mean looks but explains that he can only hear people fairly close to him. Usually, it’s all like background noise in his head until he chooses to focus in on it.
Bella asks why he can’t hear her. In fact, here’s the quote so I can complain about another Stephenie thing:
“Why do you think you can’t hear me?” I asked curiously.”
I asked curiously. Her dialogue tags are out of control. If you ask, we get it, you are curious. (A: A+ forever.)
Edward murmurs that he doesn’t know. His guess is that Bella’s mind works differently. Her thoughts are like AM radio and he’s only getting FM. “He grinned at me, suddenly amused.” Edward doesn’t do anything unless it’s sudden. Even his own jokes give him sudden amusement.
K: Somewhere along the line, I realised that this is basically the opposite of Sookie Stackhouse and Bill Compton in True Blood/The Southern Vampire Mysteries in which Sookie can read everyone’s mind unless they’re a vampire. And considering Dead Until Dark was published in 2001, I’mma go ahead and put on my “something smells like copycat territory” face. I dunno what that face looks like, but I’m sure SMeyer would describe it in great and confusing detail.
Mari: Bella wah-wahs about how she’s a freak. Edward laughs because he’s the one who can read minds and Bella’s worried she’s a freak. He tells her not to worry, and then his face tightens.
His face. Tightens.
NOW it’s time for Edward to ask Bella questions.
JUST KIDDING! Bella, the least observant narrator of all time, finally looks away from Edward’s face and notices how fast he’s going. “Holy crow,” she screams. (K: Is this a thing people say?! Holy cow, yes. But Holy crow??) (C: Literally never.) (A: And is this a thing one would scream?) Edward is going 100 miles an hour. He says he always drives this fast, so it’s cool. They won’t crash. He gives Bella a crooked smile (SHOTS!) but she wants him to keep his eyes on the road. Edward assures her by reminding her that he can read thoughts so it’s a built in radar detector, except the part where HE JUST FINISHED TELLING US that he can only hear people when they are very near to him and he usually doesn’t pay attention to the noise. But okay.
Bella is fuming. She reminds Edward that if they do get into an accident, Edward will be able to walk away from it.
“”Probably,” he agreed with a short, hard laugh. “But you can’t.” He sighed, and I watched with relief as the needle gradually drifted toward eighty. “Happy?””
SIGH mortal girlfriends are so inconvenient.
Edward mutters about hating to drive slow and I just have to say that this is a bad way to start a relationship. All Edward does is give, give, give. First Bella wants him to drive at safe speeds and next she’ll want him to change everything he is.
Catherine: What a SACRIFICE.
Mari: Edward snaps at her because FOR REAL. It’s time for Bella to answer a question. Bella bites her lip as Edward looks at her with HONEY eyes. Edward asks to hear Bella’s new theory about what he is. That’s what this whole crap is about. He promises not to laugh at her, but Bella says she’s actually more afraid that he’ll be angry.
Girl.
Mari: Bella explains that she ran into Jacob Black at the beach and, he told her some local legends, specifically about vampires. She realizes that she’s whispering.
Edward asks if Bella immediately thought of him, but Bella is the worst, and she tattles on Jacob. It’s only after Edward broods at her that she gets “suddenly worried” (suddenly shot!) (I just made that up, go with it) for Jacob. Bella tells him the rest of the story and hangs her head.
Edward laughs. “But Mari,” you are thinking. “He’s laughing but what are his eyes doing?” Excellent question, dear reader. You are learning very quickly:
“He startled me by laughing. I glared up at him. He was laughing but his eyes were fierce, staring ahead.”
His eyes do not think this is funny at all. His eyes are too careful for a sense of humor.
Edward next asks how Bella got Jacob to tell her stuff. She admits to manipu-flirting but “disbelief colors [her] tone.” Disbelief. Colors her tone.
Edward says he’d like to have seen that. “He chuckled darkly.” Chuckled darkly.
Catherine: A+ all around.
Mari: Bella next tells Edward about her Internet research. I’m so happy that we had to live through that with Bella and now we have to read about it again as she tells Edward. Wait, I just suddenly realized that I’m not happy about that at all.
Bella gets to the part where the Internet knew nothing about vampires, and she decided that it didn’t matter anyway. Edward is like SKKRRRRTTTT. GIRL. He’s so surprised that another hard edge enters his voice. I still haven’t got a damn clue what that means, but okay, with his edge-voice he’s like, “you don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?”
Bella: “No.”
Me:
Catherine: There are so many red flags in this scene it’s like they actually are on a race track.
Annie: Girl. RUN. Like, just run. RUN, RUN, RUN.
Mari: For the fourth time, Stephenie tells us that Edward is staring straight ahead, as one does while driving. Bella sighs because he’s angry. He can’t get over the fact that it doesn’t matter to Bella if he’s a monster. She is still curious, though, so she asks how old he is (“seventeen”) and how long he’s been seventeen (“a while”). Stephenie reminds us, for the fifth time, that he’s staring at the road.
WAIT, NO. NEW PARAGRAPH. Edward is staring down at Bella with “watchful eyes.” Watchful eyes. Bella smiles at him and Edward frowns. She names a couple of vampire traits (burned by sun, sleep in coffins) and Edward says those are myths. (C: Those two. Just those two. The rest of her research should’ve been fine. But no!) He can’t sleep at all. Edward is sad about this and he looks at Bella with HONEY eyes. Bella stares at him until he looks away. The road was starting to get jealous.
Edward uses his hard voice again to tell Bella that she hasn’t asked about his diet yet, which is pretty important. She already knows what Jacob shared about the Cullens hunting animals.
Update on the road:
“He looked forward, but I couldn’t tell if he was watching the road or not.”
Hang in there, road! One day Edward will stare at you again, maybe even while he’s driving! You never know.
K: Surely there’s a love triangle in that.
Catherine: That’s bestseller material right there.
Annie: Please don’t give Stephenie any ideas.
Mari: Bella asks if Jacob was right about the Cullens not hurting people. Edward’s reply is, “the Quileutes have a long memory,” and Bella just takes that as confirmation, though it doesn’t make much sense. Edward warns her that he’s still dangerous. He tries really hard but sometimes he makes mistakes, like right now. I feel you, Edward. Right now feels like a mistake for me too.
They stay quiet for a while and both look at that sweet, sweet road but Bella panics. She wants to hear Edwards voice again. They’ve been in silence for entire minutes and I think she’s suffering instant-voice-withdrawal, which sounds perfectly healthy and super cool to me. How about you guys?
She desperately asks him about why he hunts animals and then realizes that her eyes are wet. Oh, hey! How’d those tears get there? Huh.
Edward says that living on animal blood is like being a vegetarian. Animal blood doesn’t satisfy their hunger, but it mostly keeps them strong enough to resist humans. (K: Why don’t they just steal from the blood bank like in Buffy?) Bella asks if it’s difficult to resist her and he says yes. Bella says that’s cool, though, because she’s figured out that his eyes are like a mood ring for his stomach. Black = hangry. Ocher magic butterscotch careful honey = mmm, mmm animal blood. (A: Ew.)
Bella asks about Edward’s recent hunting trip. He says that he didn’t want to go, but he had to, because it’s easier to be around Bella when he’s not thirsty.
“It makes me… anxious… to be away from you.” His eyes were gentle but intense, and they seemed to be making my bones turn soft. “I wasn’t joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I’m surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed.”
1. What did Edward Cullen do before he worried about Bella all the time?
2. NOPE.
3. To elaborate, NOPE NOPE NOPE. Stephenie Meyer has made Bella a unbelievably clumsy character all so Edward Stupid Cullen could swoop in and save her. Save her from her depression, save her from the other teens with actual teen souls, save her from having to make decisions (which is great because 87% of the time she just realizes she’s done a thing after she does it), and save her from her own two damn feet.
And so, because Bella falls down in every chapter and almost got smushed by a truck, we’re supposed to be like, “Oh Edward! How wonderful! How romantical! Yes, please, follow her to every city! Sniff her out where ever she goes!”
4. NOOOOOOOPE.
K: At least his eyes are gentle and intense, which gives us some more “do you own a face?” shots.
Mari: Edward amends that Bella isn’t totally unscathed. She scraped her palms one of the times she fell. See! Because she can’t human and Edward is totally right to worry about her. Bella is impressed that he noticed this and that nothing escapes him.
Bell-bell asks why Edward didn’t come to school on Monday. He says that he can’t be where anyone can see him when the sun is out. He promises to show her why one day.
Mari: Next, it’s Bella’s turn to say it made her anxious not knowing where Edward was.
IS THIS CAR RIDE OVER? SOMEONE HELP ME.
Edward shuts down Bella’s concern.
“Don’t you see, Bella? It’s one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved. He turned his eyes to the road, his words flowing almost too fast for me to understand. “I don’t want to hear that you feel that way.” His voice was low but urgent. His words cut me. “It’s wrong. It’s not safe. I’m dangerous, Bella — please grasp that.”
1. After the first line about how Edward can be miserable but Bella can’t, I just kept quoting because I wanted to make sure to include the part about his eyes on the road. After that, I just had to finish the whole thing.
2. HA! If only Edward could hear Bella’s thoughts, he’d know that nothing– NOTHING– could keep Bella from feeling miserable.
3. I hate him.
Edward growls at Bella, but she says it’s too late. She’s involved like woah.
“His voice whipped out, low and harsh. “Never say that.”
I bit my lip and was glad he couldn’t know how much that hurt.”
What’s hurting, Bell-bell? His voice-whip? Your lip-biting? I guess we’ll never know.
Bella tries to just look at the road but Edward is like, “are you crying?” and he sounds appalled. Bella didn’t REALIZE that the “moisture in her eyes” (tears, Stephenie. TEARS.) had brimmed over.
K: But not just tears, Mari. “traitor tears”. SEND THEM TO THE TOWER AND EXECUTE THEM FOR THEIR TREASON.
Mari: I like that she specifies that her “traitor tears” are “betraying” her. Oh, really? Is that what TRAITOR means? Thank you Stephenie for clarifying.
Things get quiet in the car again, but then Edward asks what Bella was thinking before he sped in with Volvo Sparkle and saved the day. She tells him about reviewing her self-defense moves and this upsets Edward. Didn’t she think about running? “I fall down a lot when I run,” she says. Look back like one page, Dickward. That’s practically why you like her.
Catherine: I don’t know what’s making me sicker, the amount of victim blaming from Edward in the past two chapters or the fact that I’m only just now noticing it because I’m finally reading this as an adult.
Mari: No use trying to decide.
Even though Edward was just like, “stay away from me and please never trust me, I could eat you,” he promises to save Bella a seat at lunch the next day. This gives Bella little flutters in her stomach.
YES, THEY FINALLY GET HOME!
“Sleep well,” he said. His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent that clung to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form.”
WHAT. THE. HELL. I celebrated too early. This is awful and unsexy. What the hell does his animal-blood-drinking breath smell like and why is that smell on his JACKET and why is he blowing his breath in her face AND WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
Have a better breath blowing memory:
Even later, in bed, she’s all shivery and shuddery. As she gets closer to sleep, though, she arrives at three conclusions:
1- Edward is a vampire.
2- Edward wants to eat her in a bad way.
3- She is in love with Edward.
Road Count: 13
Eyes Count: 17
Sweet-ass dialogue tags:
“I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street” pg. 179
“he agreed” pg 179
“I grumbled” pg 179
“I stalled” pg 180
“he pointed out” pg 180
“I asked curiously” pg 180
“he murmured” pg 180
“he laughed” pg 181
“he reminded me softly” pg 181
“I shouted” pg 181
“I demanded” pg 181
“he agreed with a short, hard laugh” pg 181
“he muttered” pg 181
“he snapped” pg 181
“he promised” pg 182
“I admitted” pg 182
“he probed” pg 182
“I continued” pg 182
“I admitted, hanging my head” pg 183
“I whispered” pg 184
“I sighed” pg 184
“I challenged” pg 185
“he quoted, gritting his teeth together” pg 185
“I gasped” pg 185
“he answered promptly” pg 185
“he admitted at last” pg 185
“he asked sarcastically” pg 185
“I murmured” pg 185
“he asked flatly” pg 186
“he whispered” pg 186
“he warned me” pg 186
“he explained slowly” pg 187
“he murmured” pg 187
“I asked more desperately” pg 187
“I suggested, my voice still tinged with desperation” pg 187
“he reminded me” pg 188
“I sighed” pg 188
“he promised” pg 189
“I decided” pg 189
“I hesitated, dropping my eyes” pg 189
“he groaned quietly” pg 190
“he growled” pg 190
“I admitted” pg 191
“I demanded” pg 191
“he reminded me” pg 191
“he sighed, and I knew he wanted me to leave now” pg 192
“she demanded” pg 194
I was generous, too and skipped anything that started with “I said” and the more straight forward “I asked” ones. Is it any wonder I end each chapter where these two talk with a strong desire to yell, “DEAR GOD. SHUT UP”?
Next time on Twilight: Edward and Bella are back in the car when he gives her a ride to school in Chapter 10.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
Fuchsia-haired, caffeine enthusiast, dog person, Raptors fan, sometimes blogger, music & social media geek, freelancer, human being. She/her.
I am a 30-something year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.
