Previously: We learned the story of Ciri’s parents and Geralt gets a boatload of destiny.
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Bottled Appetites
Marines: Crows in an attic-looking room. A man in a robe drops a bloody bag and a crow flies down to examine it. Robe Man shoos the crow away and then opens the bag, revealing a strip of flesh. He puts the flesh bit into a jar of liquid, dunks it in with a knife, and the puts the jar on this really cool looking rope shelf with the rest of his flesh in jars. (G: I’m more of a plant collector myself but the body part shelf set up they have going on could honestly work for both.) Robe Man heads over to his full length mirror and looks at his face appreciatively. Then he drops his robe and looks at his body appreciatively.
Ginny: Ah yes, my morning attic ritual as well.
Mari: A man dressed in black enters the scene. Disrobed Man mostly keeps looking at himself as he says that he loves surprises and visitors and surprise visitors most of all. We can see that the man in black is Cahir. He holds up a silver coin and Disrobed Man flinches away from it. Cahir tells Disrobed Man that he knows what he is: a doppler. But he isn’t good natured and easy-going like other dopplers. That’s why Cahir is here for the doppler’s help. He tosses a coin bag on the table and promises that it isn’t silver. The Doppler says that they don’t want money. They value freedom. Cahir is like “you also like body parts, so I can give you some of those.” The Doppler wanted to wear this handsome man skin for a while, but they’re in.
Fringilla rides at the head of the Nilfgaardian soldiers. They arrive at a village and Mousesack is brought out of his carriage cell. Fringilla mocks him because the cell is made of demiritium, a magical something or other that strips Mousesack of his powers. Mousesack says he knows how Fringilla was trained and this isn’t her. Fringilla replies that the White Flame made her who she is and gave her a higher purpose. He could’ve had that too if he had realized that Cintra had to fall.
Cahir enters with the Doppler in tow, confirming that this is all happening in Ciri’s timeline. The Doppler is not impressed with Mousesack and really doesn’t want to do what Cahir wants him to. Cahir releases him from his cuffs and tells him to run. Mousesack is very weak and gets like five stumbling steps in before the Doppler chases him and pushes him down. Honestly, it was like 5 steps and it made this exchange hilariously useless. (G: Honestly what was the point of making him stumble like 5 whole steps. The Doppler didn’t even break a sweat.) The Doppler pins Mousesack down and their eyes glow white as their face transforms until they look exactly like Mousesack. Doppler!Sack (sorry?) tells Mousesack that everything he has ever thought is now in Doppler!Sack’s head, even the fact that Mousesack thought about hanging himself just that morning. Cahir guesses that Mousesack didn’t want to be abused, but Doppler!Sack corrects that he didn’t want to be used. Mousesack tells Cahir that he can’t change the world this way. Cahir replies that only one of them will be alive to find out if that’s true. He nods at Doppler!Sack who gleefully brings out his knife and slowly runs it through Mousesack’s chest and heart. Mousesack’s dying words are that they don’t understand who Ciri is. Cahir tells him that she’ll be brought back to where she belongs. Mousesack dies. Cahir tells Doppler!Sack to bring Ciri to him alive.
Ginny: Good luck to a Doppler that knew everything going on in my head. It wouldn’t last long.
Mari: They would be seeking a new flesh strip immediately.
After the title card, we’re with Yennefer. She’s paying a man for something, but he says she hasn’t paid enough. His prices have gone up. Yen threatens him, but he doesn’t flinch, saying that it would be a shame for him to die when Yen has come so far with her treatments. They talk a little more about being off the grid. The man (closed caption says Hemet, but he’s never named) tells her she could go to a nearby town and make some coin for her services so she can keep paying for what she so desperately wants. Yen asks him why he doesn’t take his own advice and Hemet smarms that his customers come to him. Yen has had enough of his advice and takes off.
Ginny: Well, how much did that eye shadow pallet cost, Yen? You didn’t skimp on the makeup.
Mari: Drop the tutorial.
Next we see Yen, she has taken Hemet’s advice and set up shop in a village selling “correctives.” She’s with a couple now who share that they are very passionate, but the man is having mechanical troubles. Yen provides them with a magical Viagra, and tells him that it will last until his lover says a magic work. She picks kumquat. Yen is like “hokay” and casts the spell and it takes effect. The man pays and they try to hurry out of there, only to come face to face with two men who have come to investigate what Yen is up to. The one in charge introduces himself as Beau Berrant, and he’s here to collect taxes. Yen prefers to be arrested.
Ginny: Hilarious that she’s making money this way, and honestly pretty smart because you know the coin will be flowing when word spreads about magical viagra.
Mari: A makeup maven and a girl boss.
In Ciri’s timeline, the Dryads are gathered to talk about the fact that Ciri straight lied to them about being the princess of Cintra. The general is on team kick her out of the forrest. Eithne says that Ciri probably lied because she didn’t trust them, but they can help her mold her powers. Another Dryad approaches carrying the heads of two Nilfgaardian soldiers she found at their perimeters. Eithne says it’s only a matter of time before the whole army is here and maybe Ciri can help them. Eithne announces that Ciri can stay. The General bows to the decision but then stomps away. The rest of the dryads also leave.
When it’s just Eithne and Ciri, she notes that it doesn’t seem like the dryads like her. Eithne smiles and says that the General is just trying to protect them. “The sword of destiny has two edges.” I quoted it so you can have a DESTINY! shot. (G: Much obliged. I am drinking a vodka soda right now.) Ciri asks what that means, and Eithne gives her the option of either staying in Brokilon or continuing on with her search. She thinks about it.
Jaskier is walking along and singing when we are supposed to believe he just happens upon Geralt fishing. (G: Maybe it was DESTINY.) (M: You just know it was.) It’s been several years now since they last saw each other, so Jaskier shares that he’s been dumped yet again and is very hungry (G: Definitley one of my been dumped moods.) He asks Geralt to share a fish with an old friend. Geralt does his silent thing, so Jaskier thinks it’s because he called himself a friend. He snarks that maybe they’ll be friends in another decade, establishing that it’s been 10 years since their first encounter. Jaskier keeps on rambling about what kind of fish Geralt might be fishing for until the man finally replies that he can’t sleep and he’s looking for a djinn. Jaskier giggles at this but Geralt snaps, his eyes glowing extra yellow as he yells that the djinn is in the lake somewhere and he can’t fucking sleep.
Mari: And who makes fun of you!!
Jaskier turns a little more serious as he suggests that the djinn thing is like putting salve on a tumor, the tumor being that whole destiny/Law of Surprise thing Mousesack talked about. (SHOT!) Geralt says it’s definitely not that. Jaskier is like “sure… but what if it is.”
Jaskier shares a nugget of wisdom about destiny (…shot? I’m sorry.) he heard from his latest ex. Geralt, getting testy, asks if Jaskier sang to the Countess before she dumped him. Jaskier says in fact he did, before catching on to what Geralt is implying. Jaskier wants him to honestly tell him what his singing is like. “Like ordering a pie and finding it has no filling.” Jaskier is ASTOUNDED. “You? Need a nap!” he screams. It’s delightful.
Jaskier keeps freaking out about that review when Geralt pulls up his net and finds he’s caught something. It’s a bottle with a mage’s seal on the top. Jaskier quickly grabs one of the handles and tells Geralt to take back what he said about the filling-less pie. Geralt tugs it back, but ends up uncapping it. Nothing happens for a beat, but then suddenly, everything goes gray and clouded over. Jaskier, ever the pest, immediately begins wishing even though he just saw Geralt on the verge of breaking because he wants sleep. Jaskier, on the other hand, wishes for another bard to die and for the Countess to take him back with open arms and very little clothing.
Geralt stops Jaskier from making a third wish because he only gets three. Jaskier yells at Geralt saying that since he never wants anything out of life, how was he supposed to know Geralt wanted all three wishes for himself. I generally like Jaskier, but my god it’s amazing to me that Geralt hasn’t punched him in this scene. (G: Won’t shut up and steals his wishes. I agree.) Geralt does snap and says he just wants some damn peace. Jaskier says here’s his peace, and breaks the djinn’s bottle. Geralt bends to grab the pieces and appears to cut himself on the wrist. Jaskier starts choking and asks for Geralt’s help. Geralt uses the Aard sign to seemingly blast the djinn away. Light returns to the sky, but Jaskier still can’t breathe, and he’s coughing up blood. I don’t feel bad for saying he should’ve gotten punched, tho.
Ginny: The djinn probably would have done that for free without a wish.
Mari: Geralt rides with Jaskier into Rinde and gets directed to Chireadan, the elf healer. Chireadan take a good look at Jaskier and is like “nah.” It’s clear this is magical in nature, so beyond his abilities. He can only help with the pain, but that’s like… “Like putting salve on a tumor?” Geralt finishes. Almost like a funny. Look at you, Geralt.
Chireadan is a bit doom and gloom about Jaskier’s outlook, and Geralt pats him stiffly on the back, being not at all convincing that he won’t let Jaskier die. Chireadan recommends going to the next town over to find a mage, causing Geralt to wonder at them not having a local mage. Chireadan gets cagey and then admits that there is kind of a mage here, currently being held at the Mayor’s house. Chireadan tries to warn Geralt about this dangerous and cunning mage, but Geralt is dismissive and says he’ll go find “him.”
Cut to a closeup of Yen carefully applying lipstick. (G: I told you she spends all her money on make up.) We hear Tissaia behind her say that Yen still likes pain. Yen says she likes inflicting pain, and Tissaia says it’s the same difference. Through their dialogue, we learn that Tissia hasn’t seen Yen since she maneuvered her way onto Aedirn’s court. Yen is sure that King Virfuil (you know the one who sent an assassin after his wife and baby) is fine, but Tissaia is here to share that he’s actually super dead. Meanwhile, Fringilla is thriving in the south, where Yen should’ve been. Fringilla has helped restore the rightful heir to the Niflgaardian throne and restored peace. Yen wants to know why Tissaia is here, besides a trip down her worst memories lane.
Tissaia tells Yen that she stayed hidden for a while, but now she’s making noise in her search for a cure. Tissaia says Yen won’t get what she’s after: restoring her ability to have children. Yen knew what she was signing up for when she did her magical plastic surgery. Yen counters that she didn’t know what it would mean to her to not be able to have babies. She’s convinced that some solution must be out there. Tissaia invites Yen back to Aretuza, but Yen passes and makes a big deal out of Tissaia asking for her help. Tissaia looks very emotional over how combative Yen is being and says she gave her everything she could. What more does Yen want? “Everything,” Yen says, and then dismisses Tissaia, who leaves via portal.
Ginny: Yen you knew exactly what the price was for what you wanted. Tissaia is right about that.
Mari: I also see Yen’s point, though, of not realizing what it would mean to some future version of herself, you know?
Geralt rides up to the Mayor’s house with a still wheezing Jaskier. The mayor’s lackey stops them and asks for a fee to even see the mayor. Geralt gives a “hmm,” grabs his coin purse, and whacks the lackey over the head with it.
Inside, Geralt fireman carries Jaskier into a kitchen area where they find a very naked Mayor. Geralt is really surprised but Jaskier is like WHEEZE, HELLO? so Geralt moves on to asking for the mage. The Mayor says something about her wanting apple juice before sitting down and falling asleep. Geralt grabs the jug of apple juice and drags Jaskier deeper into the house. There is a heck ton of smoke filling the rooms, and Geralt gives a very confused “the fuck?”
Ginny: This might be my favorite “fuck” in the whole series.
Mari: It’s a real good one, delivered right before they walk into a magical orgy. Everyone is wearing masquerade masks and there is a whole lot of… writhing. Geralt and Jaskier both stand there in shock for a moment before Geralt deposits Jaskier next to a naked lady. Geralt approaches Yen, who is sitting at the front of the room, just watching. Geralt awkwardly says he brought Yen apple juice.
Ginny: I’ve never been to an orgy so is bringing a gift of apple juice the norm?
Mari: Please, readers, try this at home and report back, thank you.
Yen points out he’s brought her quite a bit more than that. Geralt just stares, so Yen states the obvious: he’s immune to her orgy magic. She introduces herself as Yennefer of Vengeberg and Geralt says “hmm.” He says that Chireadean didn’t mention… but then trails off. When Yen prompts him to finish that thought, he instead says that they need her help, and looks back to where Jaskier is still very much struggling to breathe. Yen says she hopes he’s just a friend. Geralt stares at her some more.
Yen next notes that Geralt’s heartbeat is extraordinarily slow, and figures he must be a mutant. “A Witcher,” he specifies, and introduces himself as Geralt of Rivia. Yen has heard of “the famous White Wolf,” and she gets off her little throne to get close up to his face and say she figured he’d have fangs or horns or something. Geralt says he had them filed down, almost like a joke again! Aw, Geralt.
Yen walks in a circle around Geralt, considering him, because he’s the first Witcher she’s ever met. She condescendingly asks what little spells he can do with his hands, and Geralt points out that his friend is over there dying, and that if she can help him first, he’ll spend all night satisfying her curiosity.
Geralt explains that Jaskier was attacked by a djinn and lifts up a bag that contains the remains of the djinn’s bottle. Yen takes out the cap with the mage’s seal and looks very pensive.
Geralt promises to pay whatever she would like (G: Uh be careful what you promise Geralt…) and Yen says it will at least be more than juice. She says the magic word “ragamuffin” and the magic orgy stops. Everyone is very confused.
We cut to Geralt waiting in the kitchen once again. Yen joins him and says that Jaskier is in a deep healing sleep. Geralt asks how long he’ll be sleeping. Yen says at least long enough for Geralt to bathe, passing him a change of clothes.
Yen is reclined near the bath, noting that capturing a djinn for insomnia is pretty extreme. (G: You didn’t see how grumpy he was earlier Yen…) Geralt says he’s desperate, and yet, as Yen notes, he didn’t ask for Yen’s help with the sleeplessness. Geralt said the whole “Jaskier dying” thing took precedence and also, he probably can’t afford her help. Yen leans further back and the zoomy camera man focuses on some large scars on Geralt’s arm. He tells her to go ahead and ask about them because everyone does. Yen says everyone else is boring. She stands up and takes off her robe. Geralt hears it drop and turns around to look at her, but she quickly tells him to look away.
Yen climbs into the tub and sits so that her back is to Geralt’s back. She asks if all Witcher’s are similarly blessed. Geralt “hmm”s. He hasn’t conducted a survey, but he would hardly say Witchers are blessed. Yen tells him not to be so grim. He was created by mage magic. Geralt says it made for a magical childhood, and he can tell from Yen’s wrists and her wits that she had an equally happy childhood. But Aretuza fixed her up nicely. He wonders what her “ailment” was before. Clubbed foot? Split ends? Yen smiles to herself, but to Geralt, she only asks if there are women who find his coarseness charming. (*coughs*, not me, nope)
Yen insinuates that only women he pays find him charming. Geralt “hmm”s and says that Yen seems to find coin pretty charming herself, given what she’s doing in Rinde. Yen plays it down like she’s not here to make money, so Geralt tells her it’s fine to fly in the face of authority, but honestly, why is she pretending not to be after a profit. Yen flips it on him, but Geralt says that lucky for her, she won’t have to worry about him or his djinn after he pays for her services. Yen says lucky for him, she’s decided that his company and conversation is payment enough. Geralt turns around like “what the fuck?” And then climbs out of the bath like “why am I even in this bath then?”
Ginny: Geralt it’s for US. Stop being selfish.
Mari: Geralt, now dressed in the clothes Yen gave him, checks up on a sleeping Jaskier. He also lightly complains about his clothes. The wig looks especially bad in this scene, wow.
Geralt heaves a great big sigh while looking over Jaskier’s body. Yen asks if he doubts her capabilities. Geralt says he doesn’t, but he does doubt her intentions. He then has some feelings about how he said some mean things to Jaskier right before he almost died. They banter a bit more before Geralt notices that Yen’s got the djinn cap on a table and a magic star with chalked onto the floor, surrounded by candles. Geralt recognizes it as the djinn’s mark.
He’s seen enough and wants to grab Jaskier and get out of there. Yen warns him that if Jaskier wakes up before he’s healed, it would be bad news. Geralt figures out that Yen wants the djinn for herself and needs Jaskier to make his last wish before it can have a new master. (“The Last Wish” is the name of the first book of short stories that starts The Witcher series.) Geralt warns Yen that the djinn will fight her, but in the middle of that, he gets a little woozy. He comments on the scent Yen is wearing– lilac and gooseberries. Yen sorry-not-sorries for resorting to this, but she knew that Geralt would fight her plan. And also she likes a good ole fashioned trap. She kisses Geralt who goes from woozy to knocked out.
Ginny: Geralt says a “good old fashioned nap.” Dude really needs some help with this insomnia.
Mari: Yeah, when you look forward to being drugged, things are bad.
“Wake up!” someone says. Geralt opens his eyes and sees that Chireadan is the one yelling at him and they are hanging out together in a jail cell. Geralt stands up and asks what the heck happened, so Chireadan informs him that he went on a rampage through Riden, attacking two members of the town council who are voting to usurp the mayor and kick Yennifer out. Chireadan tries to say that he warned Geralt, and Geralt is like “did you?” Chireadan is like “okay, fine maybe not in so many words.”
The door opens and Chireadan fears they are about to be taken to the gallows. Geralt gives an “oh, fuck” when he sees who is there for him: the mayor’s lackey.
Ginny: Man that’s some bout of insomnia.
Mari: Yen sits on the end of her bed, naked from the waist up and she uses magic something to paint an amphora on her skin. It looks like ovaries tho. Jaskier comes to and he is at first very confused and then very scared of Yennifer. He tries to get away from her, but she pins him against the wall and threatens his dangly bits if he doesn’t wish for something.
Ginny: Hey, I have an idea. Make him wish for your lady parts back. So many problems solved at once.
Mari: But then she wouldn’t be able to paint amphoras on her skin duh.
Mayor’s Lackey is beating Geralt up and enjoying it. He asks Geralt for his last words, and Geralt says he wants the man to burst. A magical indoor wind starts up and suddenly, Mayor’s Lackey’s head burst. Yick. And in case we aren’t totally there yet, another cut appears on Geralt’s wrist. And in case we aren’t totally there yet still, Chireadan, covered in lackey blood, explains that Geralt is the one with the wishes. Back to when Geralt got the first cut and Jaskier lost his ability to speak? Geralt wished for some peace lol.
Meanwhile, Yen demands that Jaskier make his wish. He wishes very badly to leave this place forever. (G: What a waste of a wish.) Yen starts chanting in Elder. Jaskier sees the shadow of the djinn against the wall and decides that’s his cue to get the hell out.
As he runs out of the Mayor’s house, he runs right into Geralt. (G: Who’s wig is still terrible.) Jaskier says they need to go, so Geralt asks what happened. Jaskier, in his rambly way, tells Geralt about waking up to a naked woman painting an amphora on her skin. Geralt figures out that this means that Yen wants to become the vessel for the djinn in an attempt to make herself more powerful, but she’ll die in the process. Jaskier suggests praying for her on their way out of town, but Geralt must go and save her.
Ginny: Geralt honestly is always saving everyone after they’ve been super annoying or insulting to him sometimes for no money JASKIER.
Mari: There were definitely some jumps in logic here considering Geralt is a professional hero.
Yen is still mostly naked and chanting, but it is not going well. Geralt walks in and offers to help her, but Yen is not keen to accept his help. The djinn isn’t weakening and it’s making Yen’s body go all… bone breaking and crunchy. Geralt explains that he has the real last wish, and he’ll give it to Yen if she just releases the djinn. Yen doesn’t want him to be the one to give her what she wants. When Geralt demands that she tell him her wish, she screams that she wants everything.
Ginny: Yes, we know Yen…it ain’t gonna happen. Be grateful you’re not an eel.
Mari: I know I’m grateful for that every day.
The mayor runs out of the house and joins Jaskier and Chireadan outside. The watch as the windows of the top floor blow out and the stone starts to crumble.
Back inside, Yen is fully channeling the djinn now as it asks Geralt what he wants. He could wish to not be a Witcher, he could wish for immortality, fame or power. We get a close up of Geralt’s mouth as he says “I wish…” but we cut away before hearing or seeing what he’s wishing for. When Geralt finishes his wish, the mage’s seal that closed the amphora disintegrates and Yen is released.
The third slash mark appears on Geralt’s arm.
Yen asks where the djinn went as the amphora markings also disappear from her skin. There are more pressing matters at hand, though, because the room collapses as the djinn escapes.
Chireadan looks at the house real sad because there’s no way Yen could’ve survived and he’s totally in love. Jaskier doesn’t understand why Geralt went back in there for Yen.
Inside, Yen and Geralt land with a grunt as Yen presumably portaled them downstairs before they were flattened. Yen is unconscious, so Geralt shakes her awake. She comes to ready to fight, because Geralt stopped her. (G: Once again. UNGRATEFUL to Geralt, all of them.) Or let the djinn get away. Or did something for sure that made Yen’s plan go wrong. Geralt laughs because her plan was shit. They stare at each other for a long second and then start kissing.
Januty music plays as we head back outside to where Jaskier and Chilreadan are in mourning. Jaskier vows to write Geralt the best song and sing it for the rest of his days. Chilreadan looks into the house via a broken window and gets an eye full of Yen riding Geralt. This is another kind of heartbreak for him, but he goes back to tell Jaskier that they are alive. Jaskier can’t believe it, so he gets up to look through the window himself and the two of them watch for a bit before Chilreadan pulls Jaskier away.
Ginny: Looks like Geralt isn’t tired anymore (wink wink).
Mari: He took a drug nap! He’s ready 2 go.
Inside, Yen climbs off of Geralt. She says that she was right about him knowing something about pleasure. Fleeting, but effective. Geralt says he was right about Yen, too. She asks what part, and Geralt says it doesn’t matter. His plan worked. Yen doesn’t believe he had a plan. He was making it up as he went. Yen asks what Geralt wished for, but when she turns to look at him, he’s already asleep.
Mari: Brokilon. A group of Dryads hear someone coming. The general shoots an arrow, but we hear Mousesack yell for them to stop. He’s here for the girl. And then we watch Doppler!Sack walk into Brokilon.
The General escorts Doppler!Sack to Ciri. She runs to him and hugs him and tells Dara and the Dryads that she’s know this man since she was a baby. Dara sadly notes that he’s like family. Ciri asks why Mousesack went into the street and Doppler!Sack gives a shifty look before saying that all that matters is that he found his way back to her and he’s here to take her to her rightful place. Eithne says Ciri has chosen to stay with them, but Mousesack replies that it was Calanthe’s dying wish that Ciri find Geralt of Rivia. The General tells them all that Ciri has been promised to Geralt by the law of surprise. Ciri solemnly nods at this and tells Eithne that Mousesack is all she has left of home and maybe this is her destiny (uh no, shot). She also invites Dara to come with them because he’s family now too. Eithne tells Ciri that the burden of power can be painful. Ciri must be vigilant and always ask the right questions. Her destiny (maybe just have some water) is in her own hands. Eithne bids Ciri farewell, and Ciri hugs her. She grabs Dara, who is really not happy about going, and they head off. Doppler!Sack leads the way, looking especially dead in the eyes.
Ginny: Ugh is it terrible that I get bored by the Ciri timeline. Let’s go back to the djinn, cranky Geralt and Yen’s makeup collection.
Mari: At least we’re done doing nothing in a forest.
Next time on The Witcher: Geralt hunts a dragon in S01 E06 – Rare Species.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a legal assistant in Boston who loves reading, snarking, cats and french fries. Oh let's not forget naps - naps are good. I blog about my life and whatever else I feel like blogging about. It's the melting pot of blogs.
