Previously: When we last left Ana, she had just met Christian Grey and it was painful and awkward. She zoomed out of his office and that is where we find her now.
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Lorraine: Ana hurries off the elevator, eager to get away from Grey, and almost falls. Again. I’m trying really hard here not to make the SHE IS BELLA SWAN observation, but I guess I just failed. Beyond that, I’m always very confused by authors who want to make their characters clumsy. I mean, I’m clumsy! I am. But it just always comes across so heavy handed in books. Ana just fell Bambi-style in Grey’s office. Did we need her tripping off of an elevator a few pages later?
Ana tells us no less than four times that she has no idea what her reaction to Grey was all about. Well Ana, my personal opinion is that your reaction to Grey was all about you being an idiot. I guess we were supposed to glean that she was having a strong reaction to being around him. It’s probably ’cause he’s got all that built up static electricity.
Seriously, though, in chapter one she was kind of a bitch to Grey. In chapter two, we’re supposed to believe she was smitten. Okay, EL. You’re in charge here.
Ana curses her best friend Kate for “making her” do the interview. (I must’ve missed the INTERVIEW OR DIE scene. Weird.) Ana is mad that Kate included inquiries into Grey’s adoption and sexuality in her list of pre-approved interview questions. They were totally embarrassing, unlike the fall Ana took which, was totally fine, but also probably Kate’s fault. That bitch.
As she think-yells at her best friend, Ana keeps using her full name.: “Damn Katherine Kavanagh!” Um, maybe my think-yelling is really lazy, but I tend to just call people by their first names in my internal monologue. Just me?
An “involuntary shiver” runs down Ana’s spine as she drives and I personally know that I hate it when that happens! I like to plan all of my shivers. Can’t have too many in a day, you know? That would be dumb.
Ana notices that she’s driving more cautiously than she would usually be. She knows it’s because Grey looked at her with his GRAY! eyes and told her to drive carefully in a very commanding voice. Must. Obey. Must. Follow. Speed. Limit.
Ana shakes herself out of the hot-boy-stupor and decides she can drive recklessly if she damn well pleases! She blasts her “thumping indie rock music” and floors the pedal to the metal! The author doesn’t actually use that phrase again, but it’s practically my favorite thing of all time now. Also, “thumping indie rock music.” Hahahahaha. If anyone out in the Internet world says “thumping” I would seriously like to know. For real.
Ana gets home, which is actually Katherine Kavanagh’s duplex. Ana gets a great deal on rent, thanks to her best friend who she was damning a second ago. Where can I sign up to be Ana’s best friend, guys? She really doesn’t want to have to give Katherine Kavanagh the details of what went on with Grey. Katherine Kavanagh apologizes for not briefing her more, but says she was just in a panic. Ana’s all, ‘whatevs homie’ and then leaves for work.
She works at Claytons, a large hardware store in Portland. Ana tells us that even though she knows lots about tools now, she’s much less of a DIY girl and more of a reading-a-book-by-the-fire girl. She must also be a “I forgot I already told you that about myself in chapter 1 so I must be trying really hard to push this image” type of girl. We seriously just went to work with her and nothing happened at all except that Ana told us she likes to read.
Ana spends much of the rest of the week studying and working. She takes a break from that to introduce us to her parents via phone calls, because, um… yes. Mom is in Georgia making candles and married to an older guy named Bob, who is husband number 4. Dad is her step dad Ray who fishes and grunts. I feel like I know them both intimately now. Thanks for that.
On Friday, as the roomies are making plans, Ana’s friend Jose shows up. Now that we are getting more characters, we get a truer sense of how stilted James’s dialogue really is. “Jose! Great to see you!” is the last way I think two good friends in college would greet each other. And when Jose announces that his photography was recently accepted into a gallery, Katherine Kavanagh says, “way to go!” “Way to go” reminds me of stickers I used to get in elementary school, along with YOU’RE A STAR, of course. Because I am a star.
Ana tells us that Jose probably wants to be more than friends with her, but that she doesn’t feel the same way. She’s never, in her whole entire life, met a man she’s been attracted to. Oh, girlfriend. Maybe you need to move.
She claims she longs for “trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly, sleepless nights” sort of love, but that perhaps all the reading she does (did we mention she reads?) has messed with her expectations. No one has ever made her knees go jelly… until recently. She “banishes” the thought of Grey immediately, knowing that the interview was way too mortifying to even.. consider finding him attractive? I’m not sure what the logic is here. Then Ana says that she’s dreamed about him most nights, but figures that’s her mind’s way of purging the “awful experience.” Never mind about logic. THERE IS NONE.
We get a description of Jose: dark hair, dark eyes, muscles and jeans, and then I realize that this is Jacob and that people really weren’t kidding about Twilight fanfic.
Saturday at work, Ana is doing some stuff and eating a bagel, when who walks in? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
CHRISTIAN GREY. He’s in a hardware store three hours from his city, where Ana happens to be working and he’s going to pretend to just have been near by! This is so romantic everyone!!
Ana goes into cardiac arrest, because he’s so hot. He stares at her really intensely. Nothing makes me more intense than a hardware store.
She gets all blushy ’cause Grey keeps penetrating her eyes with his GRAY! eyes and saying he wants tools. Ana gets up to show him around, trying her best to shake out of the hot-boy-stupor and be a normal functioning human being. She takes him around to find cable ties, masking tape, and rope.
Cable ties… masking tape… rope… Ana is all, “hmm what is he doing?” and I get what the author is trying to do here, but if I knew nothing about a guy, except that he came into a hardware store to buy cable ties, masking tape and rope? Uh, he’s officially a murderer in my head. Or a rapist. Or a kidnapper.
Ana thinks no such things and instead cuts the rope all expertly. Grey asks if she was a girl scout. She takes this opportunity to say that she isn’t into organized activities, but she does love books. Did we tell you that she can read, guys?
Grey keeps smirking with “sensual lips” (?) and Ana is an idiot. I think I’ve basically just written the sentence that could’ve been the back of the book blurb. Ana asks if he needs anything else and he says, “what would you recommend?” Instead of being all, “I don’t have a freakin’ clue what you’re even doing, killer mc-killerson” she says, “coveralls so you don’t mess up your jeans.” Grey says, “I could take them off.” The WINK WINK, is implied.
Grey takes some coveralls. They make a little small talk about the article Katherine Kavanagh is writing and Ana mentions that the only thing missing from it is an original photograph. He may have some time to have his picture taken the next day and Ana lights up, because she’ll be helping her friend, but more because she loves feeling like a useless human being in the presence of a man. As Ana smiles and smiles, Grey is taken off guard and I’m assuming we’re supposed to assume it’s on a count of her being perty. Grey gives her his cell number.
They are interrupted by the boss’ brother who is visiting from out of town and gives Ana a hug, which of course makes Mr. Grey not so happy. He stares intensely some more and Ana fumbles around an introduction.
Ana finally rings Grey up. He tells her to call about the photo shoot and then before he leaves says he’s glad Katherine Kavanagh got sick (that bitch) and missed the interview. Ana smiles and squee’s and giggles and admits to herself that she likes him. She knows it totally won’t go anywhere, but she allows herself to admire from afar.
Welp. At least this whole, “I don’t like him, like him” thing didn’t last a long time? I like to see the glass half full.
Annoying E.L James trait of the chapter? Epic word syndrome. In her effort to create some grand love story, James is abusing the English language. More than once we are told that Ana is trying to “regain her equilibrium.” Really? How does one do that, I’d love to know? Bitch can’t just be “calming down?” Also, she’s not dizzy, the plates of the Earth are shifting or some other tectonic nonsense. Just say what you mean, dammit. JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.
Next time on Fifty Shades of Grey: Grey saves Ana from terrifying bicycle danger. Bikes be crazy. Read all about that excitement in chapter 3.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
