Angel S05 E06 – Come on, vamonos

Previously: Lorne turned into the Incredible Hulk. IDK, it was a thing.
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The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

Kirsti: A security guard is on his rounds in a darkened…IDK, warehouse? Factory? It looks like the back end of the brewery I used to work at, anyway. He hears a noise and reports in before going to investigate. Smart, but not smart enough, dude. (L: Right, because he is still investigating darkened basements.) He heads down a flight of stairs, accompanied by the Orchestra of Dude, You Gonna Die. He screams a little at the bottom, but only in surprise because he’s face to face with the ware-facto-brewery’s plumber. He reports in that everything’s fine, then sees the plumber get thrown through the air. He rushes up the stairs (there’s that “not smart enough” part) only to get attacked himself. Something slices at his face and he screams as we see a shadow attack him.

Lorraine: Everyone say it together: THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS.

Sweeney: Basements: don’t go in there.

K: Snark Squad: giving life saving advice since 2011.

Wolfram & Hart. The mail guy, who’s been in the background of every episode so far and who wears a lucha libre mask with a big 5 on it (does he get a partial gold star for that?), is making his rounds.

Lor: I’m not even sure if I’ve noticed him before! That’s either well done show, or bad Lorraine! BAD.

Sweeney: I never really noticed either, given the general crazy. I’m willing to give the show snaps for that. Good job, show!

K: When it first aired, I noticed him in the first episode and was all “……….the fuck??” So I was kind of thrilled when they actually dealt with him.

Everyone basically ignores him until he approaches Lorne who asks whether it’s better to give an aging starlet a “you’re sexy, happy birthday” card or a “you’re so smart, happy birthday” card. But he trails off in mid-sentence when Fred shows up. Lorne says that she’s “…sorta like a woman” to which Fred replies, “That’s NOT a compliment,” because she’s the best. He asks her advice and she tells him to send flowers, no card, and definitely no mention of birthdays. Lorne tells her that she’s Wonder Woman as Nacho Libre rolls his eyes and continues on his mail rounds.

Cut to Angel signing his name on some legal documents. He stops mid-signature to ask if it’s blood, and Gunn says it’s totally fine because it’s Angel’s blood, which is required by demon law. Gunn proudly reels off all the good deeds Angel’s just done by signing the documents, but Angel misses the days when helping-the-helpless meant more than signing documents. Gunn gushes that for the first time, he’s excited to come to work in the mornings (OUCH). Spike turns up to bicker with Angel about how being a ghost sucks. Gunn says that they’ve done more good in a month than they used to do in a year, but Angel’s feeling disconnected.

Spike bitches that being a ghost is worse than Angel’s first world problems, but Gunn agrees that he misses getting to beat the shit out of things. Wes enter-nounces that they’ll like what he’s got to tell them – that three people have been found with their hearts ripped out. With that, Nacho Libre – who came into Angel’s office during Spike’s little speech – looks up for a second before hurriedly pushing his mail cart from the room. Angel follows with the signed legal documents, and grabs his arm. Nacho Libre turns and throws Angel through a window before calmly resuming his rounds. “I really hate this place,” Angel says. LOL. Electric cellos.

After the credits, Spike giggles as Angel picks himself up off the floor. Gunn calls security, demanding a lock down until Nacho Libre is found. Angel insists that’s overkill, but Gunn says enemies are everywhere, especially at Wolfram & Hart. Spike, meanwhile, is still giggling and also telling Fred and wanting to buy Nacho Libre a pint. Gunn gets a call saying that security have found Nacho Libre and are escorting him out, and asks if Angel wants him fired. Angel’s not sure. Lorne appears to inform us that the internet is apparently all over this incident that happened like 30 seconds earlier, and he’s got his PR team spinning it in a positive light.

Angel thinks that they should focus on something more important, like the heartless bodies. Wes announces that another has just been found, this time at a church following an All Souls’ mass. He also informs us that it’s Dia de los Muertos, because of course it is.

Lor: AND YET, no one pauses at the fact that they just threw out a guy wearing a luchador mask. GOOD WORK, GUYS.

Sweeney: That was stupid. I’m actually less with Kirsti on the “of course” and more surprised, if anything, that it took five seasons for this show to work Day of the Dead in.

K: Valid point. But I was more “of course”-ing because why not add another Mexican stereotype on top of the one we’ve just thrown out of the building. Huzzah!

Zoomy seizure cut to Angel driving through town in a classic red convertible. Wes and Gunn are in the backseat, while Spike’s riding shotgun. Wes wants to know why Spike is there, and Spike replies that he’s got nothing better to do. Wes says that he was meaning more how the hell did Spike get the front seat, and Spike smugly says that he called shotgun. Wes looks at the shotgun he’s holding and sadly says that he thought they were doing a weapon check. He tells Angel that the church they’re looking for is about half a mile away, but Angel dramatically swerves off the road and leaps out, leaving the others staring after him.

Lor:

K: Truth. In an alley decorated by creepy dolls, the gang stare at a shiny new heartless body. Apparently Angel’s super-smelling power could super-smell the blood all the way from the street. Wes says that it looks like the heart was cut out with a crude knife while it was still beating. Angel informs us that the body is fresh and that the killer may still be nearby. Spike, glancing backwards, says “I’d say 10 to 11 feet.” The others turn to see a snarling demon dressed in armour and a plumed helmet, like a Roman centurion. They attack and one by one it throws them off.

Lor: Wesley of barrel roll and shooting a demon’s ear hole fame keeps aiming for the demon’s chest armor with his shotgun. C’mon, Wesley. Really?

Sweeney: It’s not his fault – we still have thirty minutes of episode left! Barrel rolls and shooting demons not in their armor can’t be written in for another twenty minutes.

K: Exactly. Actually aiming at something vulnerable would wrap this up FAR too quickly.

Angel pulls himself up again, and heads towards Centurion!Demon, which shoves a dumpster at him, knocking Angel down. By the time he’s up again, Centurion!Demon is gone.

Evil Radio Shack. Fred’s examining the demon blood on the edge of Gunn’s axe as he asks her to do some tests and work out what they’re dealing with. She starts listing tests and Gunn bails. Spike appears and complains about Angel’s attitude. Fred says that it’s not easy being a champion (SHOTS!!) and that Spike should know on account of he’s a champion too (DOUBLE SHOTS!!). Spike insists that there’s nothing heroic about him, and Fred’s all “But you saved my life, so you’re a hero!” Does this count as a “Handsome man saved me from the monsters” throwback???

Elsewhere, Wes is instructing his staff to check both Aztec and Incan weapons lists. Um. Dude. You just told us that it’s the MEXICAN Day of the Dead. Do you have any concept of where the Incan Empire was based?! Also, they weren’t big on the cutting out of hearts. Try the Aztecs and the MAYA and you might have better luck. #archaeologistproblems ANYWAY. He tells another staff member that what they’re looking for is a cross between a demonic gladiator and a predatory bird.

He mutters something to one of his magic books and opens it to display A FUCKING CODEX IN MAYAN GLYPHS I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW OMG. Angel walks in and asks for an update. Wes tells him that based on Centurion!Demon’s appearance, they should focus on Mesoamerican texts. Angel’s all “Yeah, I can see that” and heads out. Wes turns back to his book and says “I wasn’t aware that you could read Cuauhtitlan pictograms” to Spike and I stop to Hulk smash everything because THOSE ARE NOT FUCKING PICTOGRAMS, THEY’RE LOGOGRAMS WHICH WERE PROBABLY LOGOSYLLABIC AND ANYWAY, PICTOGRAMS AREN’T HARD TO READ AND ALSO CUAUHTITLAN WAS WELL OUTSIDE THE AREA OF MAYAN INFLUENCE OMFG STOP MAKING STUFF UP, SHOW.

Lor:

K: Ahem. There is no excuse for lazy research. Spike asks Wes if this is a book of prophecies and not-so-sneakily digs for information on the Shanshu Prophecy. Wes happily fills in the blanks, telling Spike that the prophecy mentions that a vampire with a soul will play a big role in an apocalyptic battle and that it implies said vampire will live again. Spike’s all “Oh, an apocalyptic battle like CLOSING A HELLMOUTH?” and Wes is all “Sure, except that you’re a ghost so it’s not you.” Spike scoffs, and says that Angel doesn’t believe in the prophecy. Just then, one of Wes’ team interrupts with news.

Cut to Angel’s office. Wes informs Angel that their Monster of the Week is an Aztec demon named Tezcatcatl, and that it took them that long to work it out because their codex is missing some key pictograms. I stop to rant about pictograms again but also that Wes is clearly a fucking idiot because the first time I saw this episode, I knew it was an Aztec demon based EXCLUSIVELY ON THE SHADOW OF WHAT ATTACKED THE SECURITY GUARD IN THE FIRST MINUTE. BOOM. Wes continues, saying that Aztec!Demon has been in LA before – exactly 50 years ago.

Conveniently, Wolfram & Hart has a record of what happened: five brothers fought together to defeat it, and all but one of them were killed. HMMMM, I WONDER WHO THE FIFTH BROTHER COULD BE. Angel asks if they have the brother’s number, and Wes says they do. Cut to Angel knocking on the door of an apartment. Nacho Libre answers and Angel looks surprised because he’s an idiot. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Nacho Libre slams Angel against a wall again and says that he thought he’d made himself clear in their last conversation. Angel’s all “Dafuq?” and Nacho Libre says that he heard them talking and knows Angel was going to drag him into the hunt for Aztec!Demon. Angel’s all “Nope, was kind of trying to give you mail…” Nacho Libre awkwards in response. (S: I chuckled. Even more in retrospect, given that this guy is meant to parallel Angel, because that’s just the sort of presumptuous thing our CHAMPION would totes do.) Angel asks how they defeated Aztec!Demon, and Nacho Libre says that he’s retired. Angel’s all “Right, which is made totally obvious by that mask that you’re still wearing in your own home…” He then sasses about Nacho Libre’s dead brothers, which earns him a Slap Bet-style slap to the face. LOL. Also, Angel has FAR too many buttons unbuttoned on his shirt right now.

Nacho Libre informs Angel that he and his brothers were luchadores, the bestest of ever, and that they were known as Los Hermanos Numeros on account of they each had a number on their masks. Angel picks up a photo of them, all wearing their masks, and that throws us into a flashback of the brothers doing their wrestling thing. They taunt their opponents in really basic Spanish that even I can understand and yet the show still gives us subtitles. Nacho Libre voiceovers that they were universally adored and they never lost or gave up. And also, they didn’t just fight in the ring. They found monsters and gangsters and helped the helpless. They spent every moment together and never ever bickered.

Angel interrupts with a confused “Wait a second. So you guys always wore your masks?” Nacho Libre informs him that they had to be ready at a moment’s notice. We flashback to them getting a phone call, yelling “Andale!” and rushing out to fight the devil’s robot.

Sweeney: I Robot…You Jane?

K: Oh God, don’t remind me.

Nacho Libre is disappointed Angel hasn’t heard of that particular battle. Angel asks about Centurion!Demon, and Nacho Libre says he can’t remember how they defeated it. He tried to keep on helping the helpless after his brothers died, but the phone stopped ringing. Eventually, a very young Holland Manners(!!!) turned up and offered him a job as their muscle. I get angry again because the business card Holland hands Nacho Libre – on which we get a prolonged close-up – says “Attorney’s at Law.” Apparently evil law firms don’t understand basic punctuation. FFS.

Lor: Maybe this attorney has an At Law he is really proud of possessing, Kirsti. Gosh.

K: Mostly I’m annoyed about the fact that at NO POINT during production or filming or editing did anyone think “Hmm, we should fix the grammatical error on the prop we’re going to have an extended shot of.” Sigh.

Nacho Libre says that he knew W&H was everything his brothers hated, but nothing mattered after they died. Every year on Dia de los Muertos, he built an altar to them but they never visited him. He thinks it’s because he’s not worthy, and he strokes a gold locket thing that will clearly be significant down the track. (L: Thank you Zoomy Cameraman.) Angel says it’s because he gave up, and wants to know why. We cut to a lucha libre arena where five dwarves are chasing a tall heavy-set man around the ring. Nacho Libre says that he and his brothers are remembered as a farce and wants to know why they bothered stopping Aztec!Demon. Angel goes on a rambling this-is-kind-of-about-me-not-you monologue about how they do it because it’s the right thing to do blah blah blah. But when he looks up, Nacho Libre is gone.

Back at the office, Wes says that he’d forgotten how violent Aztec culture was, because apparently he’s worse at Mesoamerican history than I thought. Gunn says that they need to work out Aztec!Demon’s MO, because it bypassed 20 other people to go after the woman at the church. Their conversation segues to Angel and whether he’s been acting weird, and Gunn hypothesises that it’s a hero thing. That helps him join the dots – the homeless guy in the alley was a veteran, the woman in the church worked with gangs, and another victim was a firefighter. All the victims were heroes.

Outside the lucha libre arena, Angel looks around for Nacho Libre, only to spot him on a passing bus. He turns to find Aztec!Demon behind him. A!D slams him into the hood of a car and impales him with a sword. It raises a stone knife and aims at Angel’s heart, then draws back and hisses. It pulls the sword out of Angel and disappears. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Angel tells Wes and Gunn that their theory is wrong because Aztec!Demon didn’t take his heart. Dude. What part of the “hearts removed while still beating” thing did you miss earlier?! Wes informs Angel that it wants the hearts for food, not metaphor, which Gunn translates into “As meat goes, your heart’s a dried-up hunk of gnarly-ass beef jerky.” LOL. Gunn goes on to ask if Nacho Libre provided any information about how he and his brothers killed the demon. This reminds Angel of the demon robot, and he asks Wes about it. Wes is all “Oh, sure, that thing,” and Angel sighs.

Gunn announces that he’s going to head down to contracts and see if Aztec!Demon is back because of some kind of wacky W&H deal. He leaves, and Wes quietly tells Angel that he thinks Gunn’s wrong about the beef jerky part. The reason isn’t that. It’s that Angel’s heart isn’t in it since they took over Wolfram & Hart. He thinks Angel’s lost hope in his work having meaning. He brings up Spike’s statement that Angel’s stopped believing the Shanshu Prophecy, and Angel’s all “Well duh, remember that whole big “The Father Will Kill The Son” prophecy we dealt with that led to you getting your throat slit and how it turned out to be a steaming pile of shit?” Except that NOPE, because removing Connor from their memories meant removing the prophecy as well. Awkward.

Sweeney: OH! I didn’t even get that this is what happened there. Womp. Thank you.

Lor: But also, can someone take my memories of Connor away? Anyone?

K: I’d be happy if they just took the Apocalypse Nowish memories!

Wes tells Angel that hope is the only thing that matters, which sounds a lot like a cheesy 80s power ballad. Thankfully, the phone rings before Wes can break into song. Angel answers, then hangs up almost instantly. Apparently Fred has news for them. Over at Evil Radio Shack, she informs them that the blood of heroes keeps it alive, and acts like rocket fuel, making it practically indestructible. Spike says that he could kill it, if it weren’t for the whole ghost thing, and that also he’s guessing its weak spot is its heart. Fred asks in confusion if he saw that in the science, but NOPE. He saw it in the poetry. Of course.

Lor: But also, yeah guys, Spike has a point about being a little more aware of the kind of universe you’re living in. OF COURSE it’s the heart.

K: Gunn enter-nounces that taking its heart would totally work. For a while. Apparently W&H keeps an account of every shady supernatural deal evah (I wonder how big their file for the Winchesters is?!), and Aztec!Demon has a get-out-of-jail-free card – it forged an amulet (OH HEY, GOLD SHINY THING FROM THE ALTAR EARLIER!) that would harness the power of the Aztec sun god (uh, which one? They had like four…) and was sentenced to death as a result. But it got a shaman to curse it to come back every 50 years so that it could keep searching for the amulet. Fred asks what happened to the amulet, and Gunn says that it was given to a great hero for protection. Wes asks if there’s a picture of it, and Gunn says there’s not but then describes it in perfect detail. Angel has a flashback to the amulet on the altar and hurries out of the room.

Cut to Angel knocking on the door of Nacho Libre’s apartment. The door swings open, and he rushes in to find the altar gone. Cut to a cemetery, with a close-up of the headstone of Nacho Libre’s brothers. The shrine has been set up on top of the headstone. Nacho Libre waves the amulet over a burning candle and tells Aztec!Demon to come get him. Sometime later, Angel says that it won’t work because their hearts aren’t hero-y enough. He asks for the amulet, and Nacho Libre says he doesn’t have it. Angel rips the shrine apart, and says that it can’t get the talisman. Nacho Libre asks what the point is because it will just be back in 50 years anyway.

Sweeney: Basically, calling it A SUCKER’S GAME.

K: Aztec!Demon stalks through the cemetery towards them. Nacho Libre says that he wants to be with his brothers so much that he swallowed the amulet. If A!D wants it, it’ll have to cut him open to find it. He throws Angel into a headstone and taunts Aztec!Demon. It backhands him into a headstone. He stands and taunts some more. A!D draws its sword, which is pushed aside at the last second by Angel, who’s wielding an iron bar torn from a cemetery fence. Angel shoves Nacho Libre away and engages A!D in a fight. But A!D knocks him down, and Nacho Libre takes over. They fight briefly, then A!D stabs Nacho Libre in the gut. He staggers away as Angel leaps up and resumes fighting.

Nacho Libre collapses on his brothers’ grave, smearing the headstone with his blood. A!D knocks Angel to the ground again, and as he lays there, a hand bursts out of the soil next to his head. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Angel jumps up as more hands break through the grass. One by one, Nacho Libre’s brothers pull themselves out of the ground, still wearing their masks. They do their yay-team “Andale!” clap, grab iron bars from the fence, and acrobatics their way into battle as Angel watches. Brother #4 invites him to join them. The five of them attack (Nacho Libre is on the ground nursing his gut wound), and the brothers pin Aztec!Demon to the ground. Angel stabs his iron bar through its heart, and it crumbles to dust.

Angel rushes over to Nacho Libre, and tells him that his brothers came back because he was finally worthy. Nacho Libre isn’t sure, because the demon still didn’t want his heart. He then tells Angel that he didn’t swallow the amulet, he just hid it in his coffee thermos. Nacho Libre dies, and Angel picks up the amulet as Nacho Libre’s brothers carry his body away and fade back into their grave.

Lor: Hope Numero Cinco didn’t have any other friends or family who could possibly wonder where he disappeared to!

K: Awkward…

Wolfram & Hart. Angel gives Wes the amulet and tells him to put it somewhere safe. Wes asks if he’s okay, and Angel says that he got the job done and that’s what matters. He tells the gang that Nacho Libre died a hero. Later that night, Angel heads into Wes’ office. He grabs the prophecy book, and whispers “Shanshu Prophecy. English translation.” He opens the book and begins to read as we fade to black.

I feel like this is an episode that would work much better and be much more enjoyable if you don’t watch it over the course of three hours, like I have. I remembered this being silly, but on rewatch, I found it annoying. This is the first and last time in five seasons that we get any Latino characters, and they’re all nameless and faceless thanks to their masks. There’s no excuse for sloppy attempts at involving history when two minutes with an Introduction to Ancient Civilisations textbook will tell you everything I ranted about. Yes, dealing with the “Angel’s not getting the warm fuzzies from working at the evil lawfirm” thing was good to finally deal with. But the rest just made me sigh loudly and wish it would finish…

Lor: There were a lot of things that this episode touched on that were great, as K mentioned, including the state of things four years into Angel’s stint in LA. I also liked that it was very reflective of where I am as a viewer: disconnected. Too bad the episode didn’t resolve very much. Maybe some for Angel, but not for me as a disconnected viewer. The Numero Cinco bits were at its best points kind of whimsical and at its worst a tad too strange. So, in all, it was okay.

Sweeney: I +1 that assessment. I had more fun with the last nonsense episode than this one, but this wasn’t terrible either. Just OK.

Lor: Apparently, right now, this season is just losing a lot so it can make an awesome comeback. That’s what I keep telling myself, at least.

K: We can but hope.

 

Next time: Wesley’s dad pops by. I bet he’s negligent. Also, there are robot ninjas. Find out all the details in Angel S05 E07 – Lineage.