Previously: Marissa causes drama at a charity benefit when she tells everyone her mom is sleeping with someone’s grandpa.
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The Homecoming
Sweeney: Seth is pleading with Kirsten to put the recipe books away. She’s desperate to treat Ryan to a proper family Thanksgiving, but Seth is convinced that Kirsten’s cooking will destroy a holiday that he waits for all year. Even Eyebrows has to note that she’s not inspiring a lot of confidence when she doesn’t even know where the pans are in the kitchen.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! …were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn’t start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
Lorraine: UGH, answering the phone? I’d rather be peeling potatoes too, Kirsten.
Sweeney: I had to make work phone calls before writing this recap and spent the entire time between calls singing a song to myself about how much I hate talking on the phone. So, you know, COSIGN!
Kirsten accepts the charges. The call turns out to be from Ryan’s brother, in jail, where he ended up in the events of the pilot. Once Ryan leaves the room to take the call, Kirsten notes that she’s gotten so used to Ryan in their family that she almost forgets that he has a family of his own.
Lor: I mean yes, but Kirsten girl, I feel like it must be easy to forget when his mom was all, “hey can you premanantly babysit? OKAY BYE.”
Sweeney: On the stairs, Ryan has an awkward conversation with Trey while the orchestra of feels swells. It being Thanksgiving and all, Trey really wants Ryan to come visit him, but Ryan’s hesitant because he’d rather play house in his fancy new life. I can’t say I blame him.
Back in the kitchen, though, Ryan explains why Trey called and says that he is planning on going. It’s only an hour a way so he should be there and back in no time. These are the last words of the teaser so we know that this will definitely not be the case.
CALIFORNIA, HERE WE COME!
After the credits, Seth is confused by the idea that people actually make stuffing. This is hilarious to me because (a) my family is totally a boxed stuffing family AND THAT SHIT’S DELICIOUS, OK? -and- (b) while I have learned my way around the kitchen as an adult, I grew up in a microwavable-just-add-water household. I have a college friend who fondly remembers the evening when she (from a household on the opposite end of the spectrum) first learned that you could make brownies from a box and I was terribly confused by the idea that they could be made any other way. My friends had a lot of fun teaching me how kitchens work that year.
Lor: I love this. My family is DEFINITELY a from scratch family, but also we lack some key American staples from our Thanksgiving, stuffing usually being one of them. Thanksgiving for my Hispanic family means making all the Dominican food they know how to make, all at the same time. And being thankful of that.
Sweeney: I’m always really good at being thankful for all the food.
Seth tells Ryan that he should probably get going, but Ryan is trying to stall with all the cooking. Ryan says that Trey is just going to want something from him and isn’t having Seth’s attempts at optimism. Seth volunteers to go with Ryan and Ryan deflects it by reminding him that he’ll need to keep his mom away from the food and also Anna’s coming over.
Out by the grill, Kirsten’s worried about Ryan and also asking to help with the corn. Sandy shoos her away, telling her that Seth loves corn and he also made the boys a solemn promise while she was in the bathroom. Plus, they’re having dinner guests. In addition to Anna, Jimmy Cooper is about to spend his first Thanksgiving since his family fell apart. Kristen grumbles about her father, who has never done Thanksgiving with them, spending it with Julie Cooper. Seth comes out to tell Kirsten that she’s uncomfortably close to the corn and she makes the best, “REALLY, GUYS?” face. Sandy just giggles at her.
Jimmy Cooper’s Bachelor Pad. Marissa is telling her dad she wishes she had gone off to the place for actors who weren’t budgeted for this episode their grandmother’s instead of joining her mother with her creepy new boyfriend. Jimmy’s preoccupied with wine selection and half-heartedly assures her that it’s just an hour and it’ll be no big deal. Jimmy tries to say he’s moving on like Julie and Marissa gets excited, but he’s not really because his life is still kind of in shambles. Jimmy starts working on his eyebrow game by telling Marissa that he knows things are weird, but Julie is still her mother.
Lor: Meh. It was a nice try Jimmy, but you have a while to go before eyebrows.
Sweeney: Back in Seth’s room, he and Ryan discuss comic books and Ryan spots cologne on Seth’s shelf and gets Seth to confess that he just started wearing cologne on this day. Further confessions: Seth has finally clued in and realized that Anna is crush-worthy. Unfortunately, Seth’s not done with his confessions (Part 2) and goes on to tell Ryan about how Summer “attacked him with her lips.” Ryan has no sympathy for Seth’s plight. Seth liked Ryan better when he had no sense of humor.
Downstairs, the doorbell rings with the first guess. Kirsten lets in Jimmy and Marissa, who just wanted to stop by for a quickie with Ryan before family dinner. Oblivious to this, the adults continue to talk and Kirsten and Sandy get weirdly critical about Jimmy’s casual attire. He says it’s NBD because it’s just them, RIGHT? and rather than answering him, they awkwardly assure him that he looks fine in spite of all the words they just said which entirely contradict this sentiment.
Makeout Pool House. Marissa stops the kissing because she’s got to go to her mom’s. She does this a lot – thinking about her parents during sexytimes. It’s a little awkward and Christian Grey-ish. Ryan tells her about going to see Trey and Marissa also tries to tag along. She says he has a whole life she’s not part of and Ryan insists that it’s better that way since it’s not his life now. Marissa is unconvinced, but heads off anyway.
Doorbell again, and awkward-guests-who-hit-on-the-marrieds continues with the arrival of RACHEL. Because their master plan was to set up their attempted homewreckers with each other. (L: Well that certainly is a thing in common…) Sandy and Kirsten tell them to have a seat and excuse themselves to shave their hands check on something in the kitchen.
In the kitchen they acknowledge their general lack of subtlety. Ryan comes to say goodbye and Sandy hands him a just-in-case flip phone! So many 2003 things here! An era wherein this teenager wouldn’t have a phone! An era where the phone you’d give them was a flip phone! Bananas. More family adorableness ensues, with Kirsten giving him some store bought noms for Trey and Seth sending him off with comic books.
Ryan gets to the Range Rover to find that Marissa is sneak attacking her way into this trip. Julie’s trying to stay on Marissa’s good side, so she was willing to let Marissa go. Ryan seems equal parts hesitant and relieved for the company and they head off.
PRISON. Marissa looks as antsy as a girl who grew up in The OC would be likely to be upon her first arrival in Chino and/or prison. Trey’s face is clearly in the aftermath of a fight that he probably lost and Marissa says she’ll go twiddle her thumbs so they can talk. Ryan hands over the goods but then dispenses with the pleasantries to ask what Trey wants. Trey tries to pretend it’s not like that, but confesses that he needs $6,000.
Lor: I know it was all part of Trey’s plan but I have to say I’d give any delinquent sibling of mine ANOTHER black eye for not telling me that ON THE PHONE.
Sweeney: Back in the Range Rover, The Dark Prince of Brood has resumed his usual form after all that weird smiling he’s been doing. He tells Marissa that he’s dropping her off at the bus station to send her home, but she’s not having that without an explanation. Ryan’s all, “I GOTTA STEAL A CAR, DAMN IT.” Marissa decides that he might get caught and so that’s a really great reason to insist on staying with him, so that she can increase his chances of getting caught and also getting herself in trouble if/when that happens.
Lor: I LAUGHED SO MUCH. I guess you have to just remember these are some broody teens so that, “I guess I have to steal a car” and “I guess I have to go with you,” make as much sense as these two seem to think it does.
Sweeney: Back at the house, Anna arrives, looking adorable and being charming. Her family contrivantly went to Pittsburgh to bring these two people together. She uses words like “anathema” and Sandy makes, “GOOD JOB, SETH!” gestures at him. Seth teases her about what she’s making and she assures him that all he’ll be eating is his words. The parents make more cute faces and leave and the music assures us that Seth is appropriately smitten by how adorable and generally too good for this whole love triangle Anna is. He’s probably not thinking that last part, though. (L: I’m thinking it enough for two.)
Outside, That Hussy Rachel is mad at Sandy for trying to set her up with a white collar criminal, asking how desperate she thinks he is. She tries to insist that there’s something going on between them that Sandy’s avoiding and also this set up is totally not happening.
Jimmy and Kirsten have a similar awkward exchange while she tries to ask him for candle advice.
Rachel and Jimmy wind up in the den together. He assures her that he had no idea about this whole set up situation. They quickly bond, though, over football. It’s a Dolphins-Cowboys game. She’s a Cowboys fan and he’s a Dolphins fan. A romance made in rom com land.
Lor: I was mostly shocked someone even is a Dolphins fan. I know two and I live a stone’s throw from their stadium…
Sweeney: I’m imagining that you stopped to do a mental friend-inventory to even reach that count of two.
Sandy and Kirsten spy on the budding couples – Seth and Anna being adorable in the kitchen while Rachel and Jimmy discuss their love of ESPN Classic – and toast to their success.
This happy moment is interrupted, however, by the doorbell. It’s Julie and Caleb, come to say that their plans exploded. (Sandy calls them “the gruesome twosome” for which he earns an A+) She’s there to inform Marissa that she’s going out to eat, not even paying attention to the fact that Marissa’s not even there. Caleb invites them to this dinner. The victorious couple has had their parade properly rained on.
Caleb and Jimmy head into the living room to watch the game, promptly making things supremely awkward for this match made in rom com land. Bummer.
Chino. The filter gets a little blue-gray to let us know that POOR and stuff.
Lor: I guess… poor people can’t afford proper color saturation? IDK.
Sweeney: That’s basically the lesson I learned.
They ring a doorbell and who should be on the other side but THERESA. Weird. I didn’t think she’d show up so soon. I feel like this girl has popped up in all sorts of random other places, but not really. She was on a couple episodes of that Troian Bellisario / WIGS web series Lauren. Anyway, Ryan isn’t pleased to see her because he just wants to talk to her brother Arturo. Theresa asks about Marissa, who introduces herself. Theresa responds in kind, noting that she was Ryan’s old off-and-on girlfriend. “I was the girl next door.” Marissa awkwardly notes that she, too, is the girl next door. You can’t really hate on the convenience factor there, what with Ryan not having a car and being super bad at stealing them and stuff. (L: A+) Ryan tells Marissa he’ll explain later and she responds with a really clipped, I’m-so-pissed, “Uh-huh!”
After a Not Break, we meet Arturo, who knows that Ryan is there for the car. Marissa tells Ryan that he can go without her because she’d like to hang out there and snoop and stuff. Theresa’s mother says Marissa can help cook and Theresa mocks her, saying she has maids for that stuff. (L: Lame, Theresa. The fact that other people awesomely cook her food isn’t a burn.)
Back in The OC, things continue to be miserably awkward at this Thanksgiving. Sandy’s distressed that the gruesome twosome will surely ruin the whole plan. Caleb comes in to try to talk to Kirsten about how upset she was/is. Kirsten sarcastically insists that everything is toooootally fine and runs off to go drink all the wine. Anna’s standing by to quickly run interference when Caleb tries to follow Kirsten out of the kitchen. She calls him out on destroying the environment and is wonderfully eloquent and has even read Caleb’s proposal (or at least is capable of posturing that she has) calling it “a bandaid for a bullet wound.”
The doorbell rings again! The next uninvited guest? Summer Roberts! Summer tried to go to Marissa’s because she didn’t want to do Thanksgiving with her step-mom. Seth’s trying to get rid of her, but she insists that they should talk about “what didn’t happen on Caleb’s yacht” and Seth makes this episode’s 982nd TOTALLY AMAZING plan by telling Summer that they should have that conversation in the pool house because that would work for him.
In the Makeout Pool House, Summer immediately starts making out with Seth. She stops him to make sure he hasn’t told anyone because she super seriously will kill him. He says he hasn’t and they carry on with the kissing.
Lor: I think just as soon as Summer stops insisting that Seth isn’t cute/awesome enough to be kissing to the knowledge of others, I will like her better.
Sweeney: Chino. Marissa spies a bunch of photos of Ryan on Theresa’s fridge. There’s a picture of little kid Ryan in the school production of You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown. There’s also a photo of him and Theresa at the previous year’s winter formal. Theresa blurts out that Ryan just left and never called or anything, which is insane for someone that she’s known her whole life.
Outside, Arturo wants to know why the hell Ryan is there doing this. Trey’s his best friend but also total trouble and he thinks Ryan should just go back to his new life. Ryan doesn’t like receiving good advice, and so they forge ahead with this terrible plan.
Rom Com Gone Wrong Dinner. Sandy tries to tell Kirsten to chillax with the wine and she tells him to STFU with that shit unless he’s also kicking Caleb out. She’s going through a lot of struggles this holiday, the most pertinent of which is that they are out of Merlot.
Anna excuses herself from this parental fighting and runs into Seth. She tries to suggest going out to the pool house, but Seth suggests that they go up to his room instead. Once they’re up there, he tries to awkward around her flirting, but they also end up kissing and I’m sad for Anna who continues to be too good for this love triangle. Seth runs off to check on some cauliflower.
Seth calls Ryan who isn’t actually helpful, but agrees that two-girls-one-guy is actually not such a great time. Seth mentions that Julie’s there looking for Marissa.
Having just confirmed that Marissa is in Chino, Seth goes to share this information with his mom who is blending something. She inevitably turns it off just in time for him to shout, “MARISSA IS IN CHINO!” loud enough for the living room crew to make their way into the kitchen. Caleb figures that this means they’ll be sticking around, so Kirsten has to talk to him now. (L: Not when she’s out of Merlot, homie.)
Chino. Theresa and Ryan say their goodbyes. He apologizes and she apologizes back, though I’m not sure for what. (L: Telling his new girlfriend she has a… MAID.)
As they head off, Marissa asks why Ryan never mentioned Theresa and he counters by asking why she lied about her mother, who will surely blame Ryan for this, given her general hatred of him. Marissa remains adamant about coming with Ryan on this ill-advised car-jacking, still entirely not getting the point. He gives her the keys, saying he’ll take a bus, because “THIS IS NOT A CONVERSATION” since she lied to him. She tantrum-broods and he brood-broods and we go to a Not Break.
After that Not Break, we’re back to Seth’s dramz, which has way happier, funnier music. He and Summer are making out in the pool house. He ruins it for her when he says something about this is happening and she pushes him off. She asks to go in the house and get food. Seth hurriedly re-layers up and insists that he should just bring food to her because he’s the guest and also a thousand other reasons.
In the kitchen, the adults are bickering and I don’t really care. Julie tells That Hussy Rachel to STFU at one point because she doesn’t even know what she’s doing there. Kirsten interjects that Rachel is actually their guest, unlike some people. I don’t care about the rest of this conversation. Seth scurries by, promising to get them more booze, but undoubtedly about to forget, distracted by his quest to execute his terrible plan.
He runs up to his room and Anna tries to re-remove his nerdy sweater, but it all turns into a big adorable mess when he gets tangled up in it. Less adorable is the rest of what’s happening, when Seth awkwardly pulls the sweater back on to go check on sweet potatoes.
In the pool house, Summer excitedly thinks that Seth has returned, but instead finds Eyebrows there and it’s all very awkward. She lets out an, “EW,” which she apologizes for and then runs away. Eyebrows is very confused.
Lor: Probably at being EWed at. I don’t think it’s ever happened to him.
Sweeney: Chino. Ryan brings the stolen car to its destination where he’s informed that the six month delay on the car’s arrival means that there’s unpaid interest. Ryan’s at the beginning of a solid ass kicking when Marissa rolls up in the Range Rover telling him to get in. For some reason Ryan, who has just been punched a couple times, is able to get his bearings and run into this car faster than these guys who are bigger and have not just been punched. In the car, he asks what she’s doing and she confesses that she followed him. “Good idea.” Not much else to say at that point.
Back in The OC, the adults are still bickering while Eyebrows tries to lecture his son about respect and stuff. Sandy says that he gets that Seth is in a difficult position, and pretty accurately summarizes the situation, noting that Anna is smart and adorable and “Summer is Summer.” In other words, “Summer is the relationship The Great Contrivance Spirit wants you to be in, no matter how many ultra perfect Annas we throw your way.” More importantly, though, Sandy tells Seth to man up and stop leading them on.
This conversation is interrupted by a burning smell. In the kitchen, they discover that the turkey has been destroyed. Anna hears the smoke alarm go off and comes into the kitchen shortly followed by Summer. They realize what’s going on and yell at Seth.
Julie Cooper makes the best, “This day just got interesting,” face. The girls are both upset that he kissed them and they run off. Kirsten’s now not feeling so great.
Prison. Ryan goes to tell Trey that shit’s been handled, and wants to add that they’re done there, but can’t quite do it. Trey does it for him, though. Trey’s grateful that Ryan did something that nobody else would have done, but also knows that he’s fucking up Ryan’s shot at building a good life down in The OC and he wants Ryan to go do that. They hug goodbye and Ryan heads off into the sunset to go back to pretending he didn’t just pack up and forget his entire life. (L: Seriously, rich people have PHONES, Ryan.)
In the car, the broody duo broods in silence. Marissa points out that it never really occurred to her (or the audience, or anybody) that when he abruptly left his entire life, he left people behind in it. She teases him for being Snoopy in the play and shots of fancy California and beaches and stuff carry them home.
Back at the house, Kirsten is passed out while Sandy sits in bed next to her eating Chinese food. Their setup seems to be recovering, as Rachel and Jimmy eat Chinese food and watch foodball. In the kitchen The Gruesome Twosome are delighted by the return of Marissa. Julie was mostly just worried, but Caleb calls her off from even that, because it’s Thanksgiving and the bickering can wait.
Upstairs, Seth is lying on the floor, reflecting on his day of bad decision making with his beloved companion, Captain Oats.
Ryan and Marissa bring their Chinese food up to him to share. Seth asks what Trey said and it was simply, “Goodbye.” Ryan doesn’t elaborate on Chino, saying that, “it’s good to be home.”
Next time: Luke’s got a big time secret in next cleverly named episode The OC S01 E12 – The Secret.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
