Pretty Little Liars S03 E14 – Because she can.

Previously: Halloween train! Adam Lambert! Aria almost died! Basically, it was awesome.
—

She’s Better Now

Sara: Hanna is laying in bed in the middle of the night when Mona creeps up on her like a total fucking creep. Mona tells Hanna that she was just released from Radley with a clean bill of mental health (lol k) and Hanna is like, “You were released in the middle of the night??” which is a valid question but an even more valid question would be, “HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?” Why do these girls not all have security systems in their big, fancy, rich people homes?

Lorraine: Shit, I’d settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.

Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you’re not crazy.) Sending the attempted murderer back to the school with the almost-victims sounds like a really good idea, guys! Hanna tells her that she’s shit out of luck if she’s expecting the Liars to be there for her (because of how she tried to kill at least 1/2 of them), and Mona responds that she knows they won’t but maybe Hanna could? I mean, she did throw a car at her, but she just broke a leg, NBD! She goes on that she’s changed and is on new meds and better now. Hanna doesn’t agree to anything but does cover for Mona when Grandma Paula comes knocking and asking if anyone is in there with her.

Still late at night, a hooded figure is skateboarding through town and being chased down by someone in a van. He’s skateboarding all up in the middle of the street which seems like the worst way to avoid getting hit by a van. He rides up on a curb and flies off the skateboard, as the van comes crashing up onto the curb and runs the skateboard over. Some people just get really annoyed with skateboarders. The music department kicks it into overdrive as the camera pans up, and we see that Toby and his Toby Edit are the ones driving the van.

Sweeney: This is almost inverted Toby Edit to me, though, because I thought skateboarder seemed a little A-team ish. Like there’s dissension in the ranks or something and Toby’s there to take A-teamers out? Of course, that still makes Toby an attempted murderer so never mind. I’ll stop talking now.

Sara: SHHHHHH.

After the credits, it’s before school and Emily gets a text from Hanna about Mona being back. Her dad enternounces that they’ll be setting up alarms on every window and door in the house, because he listened to my advice from just a few minutes ago. The security system is connected to an app on his phone, which he can turn off and on at any time. This doesn’t sound like something that will be abused by A at all.

Sweeney: BUT LOOK AT PAPA FIELDS! STILL ALIVE AND BEING A GOOD PAPA, KEEPING HIS HOUSE ALL SECURE AND STUFF!

Sara: Papa Fields exposit dumps that Garrett’s mom is mad that the police arrested an innocent man and then let him get murdered by not protecting him after releasing him. Papa Fields is going to the meeting where she confronts the police because he agrees with her, but Emily is reluctant to call Garrett innocent since he was still a pedo-y creep who spied and recorded underage girls and also dated a high school kid while he was a police officer. You know, I almost forgot what a creep he was until writing that last sentence.

Before finishing up his scene for the day, he continues to destroy Emily’s dreams by telling her that she can’t participate in a charity run that evening because they don’t feel comfortable with her being out at night. That’s pretty fair, considering she almost got murdered two episodes ago.

Lor: I surprised that Emily wants to be out at all. “Hey want to participate in a charity run?” “FUCK YOU, I ALMOST GOT MURDERED.” Lather, rinse, repeat.

Sweeney: But also, when aren’t these girls almost getting murdered, you know? Another day that ends in “y,” really.

Sara: Spencer and Aria are getting their before-school coffee and Aria is wearing both stripes and cheetah print. Aria thinks they should just ignore Mona at school, but Spencer wonders if Mona has information about the N.A.T. Club that might be useful. I thought we had given up on this plot point? No? (L: Girl, they’ve killed 2 creepy suspect types this season already and who the heck knows what is going on with A. They need something to recycle.) Aria doesn’t see how Mona could have anything to do with the club because she was still nerdy and wore glasses at the time, and the boys didn’t want to peep in her window. Leave it to Aria to make fun of an underage girl for not getting videoed naked by a group of high school boys. Spencer suggests that maybe Mona was peeping on them instead, which, WHAT? I love when they jump to these ridiculous conclusions that sometimes end up being right.

Sweeney: Mona’s still crazy but I HOPE THIS  THEORY IS TRUE. That would be an amazing twist.

Sara: Spencer wants to know if Aria ever asked her dad about what Garrett said, and Aria says that she’s finally getting along with her dad and she’s not going to ruin it because of some story that Garrett made up. She stomps off, like an adult.

At Hanna’s house, Grandma Paula is downstairs, making breakfast and I am so jealous and SO HUNGRY right now. (L: Always. I’m always hungry.) She shows Hanna some muffins that were left by the door with a card signed M, and when Hanna says Mona, Grandma Paula is all, “Oh… the Mona who tried to murder you with a car?” Yep, that’s the one! Hanna shares that she isn’t quite ready to forgive yet. Grandma Paula takes this opportunity to share a ridiculous story that ends up leading to, “People can change, and you should give them a chance to.” Uh, yeah. Unless they tried to kill you with a car.

Lor: In which case they can have a chance to change very far away from me. Definitely not in car-throwing distance. Just in case.

Sara: At Rosewood School for Good Lord, They Still Haven’t Made It To School Yet? The Liars meet up and Aria quickly goes into Sulky Teenager mode when Emily brings up what Garrett said about her dad. Spencer tells them not to talk about it, and Aria is all, “OH SO I GUESS MY DAD IS A NOW AND DRUGGED ME AND TRIED TO KILL ME, HUH?” which is weird because literally nobody suggested this idea. She stomps off, like an adult.

On her way into the school, she runs into a very Stepford-fied Mona who smiles and says hello. Aria glares, and her outfit looks even worse from the back. Emily follows her into the school and apologizes for bringing up the Maybe Your Dad Killed Alison thing, but Aria says it’s no big deal and that she overreacted. She starts to bring up how she still hasn’t told Ezra about his baby mama drama, but stops short when the girls see Center Stage Meredith in one of their classes instead of their usual teacher because she’s the new replacement sub!

During class, Meredith is talking about checks and balances and blah blah blah and Aria is playing on her cell phone, as teenagers do. Meredith calls on her and then tells her that she shouldn’t be on her cell phone in the middle of class. Aria is literally holding her phone in her hands as she says, “I wasn’t on my phone.” Meredith takes it from her to hold until the end of class because: Rude. Aria looks sheepish, and it is awesome. Aaaaand then the bell rings conveniently.

Sweeney: In the middle of Center Stage’s sentence. This is a thing that happens on every high school show ever but which never happens in any actual high school ever because actual high school teachers understand the bell schedule and are aware of when class ends and know to start winding down the lesson as the bell approaches.

Sara: As the kids file out, Meredith asks Aria to stay behind and the other Liars stay, too, because they have no concept of how to be respectful to adults. (Though, it’s probably for good reason considering how much adults in Rosewood suck.)

Meredith tells Aria that she saw what she was texting and the class is about American History not Meredith History, and it. is. hilarious. Aria, again, looks like she feels super dumb and Meredith Cheshire cat smiles as she tells them they’re dismissed. Hee.

Lor: One part of me delights in seeing Aria chastised. The other part is super creeped out by another grown ass adult having so much fun picking at girls. Congratulations. You helped break-up her parents and now you get to lord over her with your teacher authority.

Sweeney: +1 to all of that. Center Stage is super gross. I suppose it’s a turn for equality that we get a super gross female adult after the endless array of super gross men? YAY. -_-

Sara: They leave the classroom and Hanna goes to catch up to Mona and apologizes for not leaving class with her because Aria needed the team. Mona is all NBD about it but when she opens her locker, they both jump back because someone has put a brain with a knife through it on the inside of her locker. Mona is pretty badass about it, though, and just picks up the knife with the brain on it and throws the brain away. All the other students watch in horror because girlfriend looks cray standing there for a minute with just a knife in her hand, before also tossing in the knife in the trash can, too. She whispers something to Lucas as she exits the hallway, but when Hanna presses him to fill her in, he doesn’t say anything.

The Liars minus Hanna go to the Plot Point Bathroom to discuss the fact that someone must have broken into the biology room upstairs and stolen one of the cow brains. We dissected baby pigs in high school. I think that’s way worse. Aria hasn’t ever heard of these cow brains in the school, and Spencer says that’s because she was excused from dissection day on vegetarian grounds. Aria corrects that to humanitarian grounds, and Spencer is like, “Bitch, you need to chill with the hating on me.”  Emily interrupts the little spat to say that people might think it was them who did it. Okay?

Aria says that she would have freaked if she was the one with the cow brain in her locker, and she and Emily agree that they feel kind of sorry for Mona. Spencer, after a beat, is hilariously like, “Okay, you guys done feeling sorry for the psycho who tried to murder 1/2 of us? Moving on.”

    Sweeney: Spencer’s R U SERIOUS? face is one of my favorite things.

Sara: Mona interrupts to walk in and fix her hair and Emily asks if she thinks the Liars were the ones who Brained her. Mona says of course not, considering she’s the one who helped them figure out who murdered Maya. She knows that there’s still bad blood between them, but she’d like to eventually prove to them that she really is better now. The girls look a teensy bit convinced because they are idiots.

Hanna finds Caleb during Permanent Rosewood Lunch and asks him to find out if Lucas has a leg injury from being stabbed on the Halloween train while trying to murder Aria, because she saw him limping earlier. Another leap, but okay! Caleb agrees, because he’s the best wolfy boyfriend ever, even if he doesn’t have Toby Abs. (S: Maybe he should show us his abs more so we can evaluate.)

Later in the hallway at school, Emily is talking on the phone to her dad who is calling to make sure she isn’t dead. In the middle of her conversation, she sees Mona talking to a janitor, who just so happens to be that creepy ass guy who ran the hotel where the A Lair was. You know, the one who talked to his dolls and looked like he would probably murder your face off if you hung around too long? (L: The last part of that sentence pretty much describes “adults” in Rosewood, but the talking to dolls thing was a good clue!)

Outside at Forever Lunch, Spencer and Toby are having lunch, and it would be cute except for the severe Toby Edit happening here. (L: Also, does he even go there?) Spencer wonders if NotBlind!Jenna transferred schools because she’s afraid that the N.A.T. Club members are being killed off one by one and she would be next. She spots Mona hugging Jason (weird) and says it’s like he’s hugging a hand grenade but Toby Edit tells her to stop freaking out.

In another part of the school during Forever Lunch, Hanna and Emily are down in some sort of basement area where the janitor’s office is. They push open the door to his office and see him sitting in there, then proceed to have a very, very loud conversation right there in his doorway. He thinks he hears something (lol) and comes out to look, but the girls rush off and hide. Oh, he also had some of Mona’s things in his office, like the creepy baby mask from Halloween.

Pedopartment. Ezra and Aria are their usual selves. Aria gets a text from Hanna about Creepy Harold (the guy who runs the hotel with the A Lair) and heads out to meet the other Liars, telling Ezra that she has to go meet her mom. As she leaves, she spots a gift basket next to the door with a “It’s a Boy!” balloon. I immediately started laughing, because A is just so damn funny sometimes. (S: Agreed.) The card says, “Like babies, lies grow bigger. Then they start talking. When will YOU?” Aria gets Big Eyes.

Spencer and Toby are running after school, and we are all rewarded with TOBY ABS. Yes. Jason pulls up to his house and Spencer goes to tell him that he should be careful around Mona because she’s dangerous. Jason cuts her off because he likes to give people the benefit of the doubt but thanks her for the tip. People are all about giving almost-murderers the benefit of the doubt these days!

Lor: Except for maybe us? I feel like we’re all about giving almost-murderers all the doubt and zero benefits.

Sara: Coffee Shop of the Longest Lunch Day Ever. Caleb approaches the Liars minus Spencer to tell them that he couldn’t talk to Lucas, but he did find a transcript of the meeting Mona and her parents had with the principal. WTF? Okay, show. He tells them that Mona’s parents didn’t want her to go back to Rosewood (as she led Hanna to believe), but that Mona begged to come back. Emily excuses herself to go be a barista for once and Caleb leaves with her, asking her to feed him because he’s starving. I love these little moments when we see the boyfriends of Liars being friends with the other Liars. So cute. (L: AGREED.)

Aria is pissy about Mona maybe being A and maybe blowing her secret about Ezra’s son because heaven knows it’s ALL ABOUT ARIA. Hanna wants them to give Mona a chance at least, but Aria is not about that shit because she doesn’t want Mona ruining her relationship with Ezra. Hanna is awesomely like, “Dude, fuck you. Tell him about his damn kid and stop being a teenager about this.” It’s awesome when people tell Aria to stfu.

Later, Spencer and Toby are hot tubbing and kissing with creepy Toby Edit Soundtrack happening. Toby tries to get her to relax but she’s freaked out about Jason being friends with Mona and goes back inside.

Lor: She feels like she’s being watched. She doesn’t know that the Toby Edit is in the tub with them.

Sara: Aria is sulking in her bedroom when her dad comes in to pretend to parent for a hot second. Aria asks if he talked to Meredith about school today, and he tells her that Meredith reported that the Liars were welcoming, in a cautious way. Aria seems surprised that Meredith would cover for them, but doesn’t press it. As her dad goes to leave, she asks what he thought about Alison. He tells her he likes all of her friends, and Aria weirdly asks him if he ever spent any time alone with her. Awkward. He wonders why she would ask that and then just assumes she’s only asking because she still misses her and not because she thinks he’s a murderer. Apparently the Toby Edit Soundtrack guys didn’t get a break this week, because the music starts up again as Byron creeps outside Aria’s bedroom door and stares at her for a second before walking away. And we all know that Toby Edit automatically means that the person is not guilty. Thanks, show! (S: BUT I WANT HIM TO BE SUPER GUILTY TO FURTHER VALIDATE MY HATRED.)

Over at Hanna’s house, she’s watching a video of Mona who is crying about how hard things were for her when she was a nerd. Join the party, girl! (L: Some of us never threw cars at people. Ahem.) Grandma Paula watches over Hanna’s shoulder and asks if Mona specifically sent that to her. Hanna tells her that Mona sent it to the entire damn school, and Grandma Paula is like, “Fuck what I said earlier. Bitch is cray.” I knew I loved Grandma Paula.

Hanna goes to finish the video and is interrupted by Lucas. Hanna asks what Lucas’ relationship with Mona is, but he won’t answer. She also asks if he got that leg injury on the Halloween train, but he says that was from a skateboarding accident. He wishes he could give her more information about Mona, but all he can tell her is that she’s been sneaking out of Radley for a while without anyone else knowing. Before leaving, they say they miss each other. Aw, I miss when Lucas was Hanna’s friend.

L: And when he took showers and wasn’t a creep! Good times.

Sara: At the charity run that night, everyone is watching Mona’s bullshit apology video on their smart phones. Caleb and Aria are working the water tent and discussing how bullshity Mona’s bullshit really is. Just then, Mona strolls up to lots of hugs and kindness, which: Weird. Girlfriend tried to murder some people, remember? Aria awkwardly changes the subject and asks Caleb if he ever wondered what it would be like to have his dad around when he was younger. Caleb answers that he used to look for his dad everywhere, but he got tired of looking and decided to focus on himself. He’s come to terms with how life played out, but he does wish that he had his dad around.

As the race starts, Grandma Paula butts in to sing the national anthem before the starting gun. What a weird scene. As she sings, the Liars minus Emily set up a plan to break into the janitor’s office and look around. Spencer asks why Hanna’s grandma is singing, and Hanna is all, “Because she can,” and it’s awesome.

Sweeney: SO AWESOME. GRANDMA PAULA IS THE BEST.

Sara: Hanna also fills them in on Mona maybe being on the Halloween train that night. Before they can discuss it further, the starting gun goes off and the race begins.

At Emily’s house, her dad reminds her that the alarms are set and he’s leaving her alone for the night. She complains about it being hot and snarks about whether she can open a window or not. Papa Fields helpfully tells her that her prison is temperature controlled and he happily goes to adjust the thermostat. As he leaves, he conveniently leaves his cell phone laying on Emily’s bed. Also convenient is the fact that these two apparently have the exact same cell phone. Emily puts his phone in her case and leaves her own phone in its place, switching them and stealing control of the security system. It would take any normal human approximately three seconds to push one button on their phone to check the time and see that it isn’t their phone but okay, Em.

Lor: I don’t get the case switching AT ALL. That destroys any pretense of, “must’ve just grabbed your phone!” WHY IS EVERYONE SO DUMB.

Sara: When the three other Liars make it to the janitor’s office, Emily is already there trying to jimmy the lock. Spencer tells her she’s doing it all wrong by using a paper clip instead of a bobby pin and takes over from there. Once inside, they find a journal where the Creepy Harold was writing a note to Mona. The journal actually belonged to Alison, though, and it seems Creepy Harold doesn’t realize that. They flip to a random passage and start reading, and Hanna asks Aria if it’s about her dad, sending us into…… AN ALIBACK brought to you by the Sepia filter.

Alison is at Byron’s office, telling him he must be a powerful man now that he’s department chair. He tells her that he isn’t having this conversation again, and Ali replies that she’d be happy not to talk but it’ll come with a price. Byron tells her it doesn’t matter because Meredith isn’t in his life anymore, but Alison figures the dean and his wife will still care. When he refuses payment, she pulls out her phone and dials the Montgomery house, holding the phone up for him to see. Before anyone answers, he grabs her wrist and takes the phone from her hand, and Ali looks genuinely afraid that he’s going to physically harm her. He tells her he can’t give her that kind of money without his wife noticing, but Alison, back to her normal psycho self, tells him she’s sure he’ll figure it out and leaves.

After the flashback, Aria looks like she’s going to cry until the girls hear a loud noise and head to leave. Before putting the journal down, Aria rips out the page about her dad. On their way out, they run into Creepy Harold who snatches the page out of Aria’s hand. Before he gets the chance to question them, Toby interrupts and asks what’s going on. Aria grabs the diary page back and the girls leave.

As the girls leave the school and head to the finish line, they see a small building on fire and some people standing around yelling for Mona. Oh, please. You can’t kill Mona. Bitch is too crazy to die. (L: Plus, they’ve seriously already killed 2 people.)

At Emily’s house, Papa Fields is back (yay!) and worrying about his daughter (yay!). He doesn’t know what she’s going through, but he knows what it’s like to lose people and the only thing that helps him get through it is his family. He tells Em that he doesn’t want to keep her locked up all the time, he just wants to be her dad. BEST DAD AWARD. Emily cries after he leaves. Oh, he also tells her that the only person who was hurt in the fire was Meredith.

At Aria’s house, her dad comes in to her room and tells her that Meredith is okay but not great. He invited her to come stay with them for a while, but she said no because she thinks the Liars are the ones who tried to murder her. I like how the girl who actually attempted to murder people just got released from Radley the day this happens, but Meredith’s first thought is THAT LITTLE BITCH ARIA. Aria’s dad also thinks her friends did it because he knows what they’re capable of, but Aria tells him that they had nothing to do with it. He yells at her some more about secrets, and she interrupts to ask him about his secrets. When he questions her, she just mumbles nevermind and asks him to shut her door on the way out. It’s the teenager’s way of saying fuck you.

Lor: God, do you remember how hard it was not to talk back?? Worst.

Sara: Jason sits outside drinking a beer with his shirt unbuttoned. Uh, weird. Spencer apologizes for the Mona comments earlier and Jason tells her it’s no problem and that he hears her this time. As she walks away, Aria fills Spencer in on how A set them up by trying to murder Meredith. Spence asks if she wants to come stay with her for the night, but Aria says her father would never let her because he’s really busy being the Toby Edit right now. She hangs up, and the camera pans to Byron listening in at her door like a total fucking creep. Even if he isn’t evil, that shit is weird.

Back on Jason’s porch, Mona comes out to put a bandage on the burn on Jason’s side. Oh okay, I guess his shirt was creepily unbuttoned for a reason. (L: Maybe he picked up the beer quickly to try and look casual! NOTHING TO SEE HERE! Just me, my beer, my open shirt and my bare chest…)

A-nonymous: A black hooded figure unscrews something on a bicycle right before a student climbs on and starts to ride off. Before getting far, we hear the bike crash and the boy scream. I mean, it’s just a bicycle. It can’t be all that bad.

Lor: A hates non-car transportation. I bet the A-team thinks global warming is a myth.

 

Next time: Aria, Emily, and Spencer think that Mona is back to being A in Pretty Little Liars S03 E15 – Mona-Mania.