Previously: Theresa’s pregnant!
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The Ties That Bind
Sweeney: FINALE TIME! I have no idea why this show has a ridiculous 27 episode order, but unlike some other teen soap operas, the previouslies inform us that shit has been happening on this show. Speaking of, this episode begins with Seth and Ryan discussing potential baby names. Ryan, suddenly with more to brood about than ever before is uncommonly lighthearted. (For Ryan, anyway. This would still qualify as a broody day for most other fictional characters.) Bro chat comes to an end when Theresa emerges from the family planning clinic.
Casa Cohen. Kirsten gets off a phone call, still distressed about the impending nuptials of The Gruesome Twosome. Sandy snarks that Caleb’s only getting married with a black eye because he was punched by Jimmy – Eyebrows From Brooklyn ain’t nothing to fuck with and would’ve broken his nose. (L: I feel like the Eyebrows give him extra strength!) In spite of her dread of the wedding, Kirsten really wishes Sandy and Caleb can make up before the wedding. Sandy’s not having it, but then Kirsten uses the almighty sex weapon, and Sandy says he can at least pretend to forgive Caleb.
Alex: Yeah, if I were Sandy this would not have worked on me. The idea of ‘please forgive my dad’ sex is all kinds of gross.
Sweeney: Kirsten’s attempts at vagina magic are interrupted by the return of the boys and Theresa from the hospital. Seth says everything’s tooootally fine, and Theresa adds, “I’m pregnant.”
At school, Marissa takes in the news that Theresa is 100% for suresies pregnant. Also, the fact that Ryan got another girl pregnant during the eight seconds that they were broken up.
Lorraine: I understand how you feel Marissa, but this was a 27 episode season. Even an 8 second break-up lasts FOREVER.
Sweeney: The more things we recap, the more strongly I feel that shorter seasons are inherently better. You look at what a show like Game of Thrones or Orphan Black does with 10 episodes and it’s fucking epic. Meanwhile, which shows are the ones that feel ~confined~ by the standard (already questionably long) 22 episode season order? Pretty Little Liars and The OC. 20-some-odd episodes is just too damn long. Even better shows like Buffy struggled with more than their fair share of filler episodes because none of their season stories really needed 22 episodes to tell.
(Though in moderate defense of this show, it had a summer premiere, so 27 episodes carried it out to when all those regular fall-start 22-episode shows were ending. I get why they did it, but their motivations don’t change the fact that the storytelling begins to drag at a certain point.)
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Ryan insists that being there for Theresa as a teenaged father shouldn’t get in the way of his teen soap opera romance. Marissa is pleased and satisfied with this.
Elsewhere at school, Summer’s freaking out for her BFF and her tortured romance. Seth’s cracking jokes because “I have to – I’m not emotionally equipped to handle this information.” I still feel this way when I see Snark Lady Sara kicking ass at this whole new mother thing. Like a grown up. Anyway, Summer is bummed because after a season’s worth of drama, she expected the summer off season, with its lack of a meddling writers room, to be a time of excellence. It won’t be now, especially since nothing ruins sex like the threat of unwanted pregnancy. (This hasn’t changed either.)
At Theresa’s bakery, Kirsten tries to come in to chat with her, but she’s too busy being an overworked waitress with looming teen motherhood to actually have time for conversations about said looming teen motherhood.
Lor: You can almost hear Kirsten’s internal monologue about the general sadness of poor people.
Sweeney: She has all the feels and they are contagious.
Caleb Nichol’s Leather Throne of Capitalist Greed. He’s clearly frustrated about something other than his black eye when Sandy shows up. The attempt at detente quickly devolves into snarky bickering. Eventually Caleb confesses that while Kirsten’s division of The Newport Group is kicking ass, the rest of the company is a hot mess and his scheme to screw over his son-in-law was all in the name of saving the company. I guess the part about blackmailing a teenage girl was just for funsies. Everybody needs a hobby.
Lor: Ruining the lives of teenagers seems to be a popular one around Traumaland.
Sweeney: Speaking of, she’s packing up her stuff when Jimmy comes home. He says he’d sooner return the check to Caleb than lose Marissa, but she figures that would guarantee separation – he wouldn’t be able to afford to stay in Newport otherwise. Jimmy tries to get her to take a break for father-daughter time, but Marissa’s too busy because packing is extra hard when you have to take so many breaks to stare at the camera with your dead, empty eyes.
Casa Cohen. Sandy and Kirsten are trying to comfort Ryan while Seth behaves at maximum goob, repeating the word “pudding” over and over.
Sweeney: Theresa comes home from work and asks Ryan to talk to Ryan alone. She says that they never really talked and she’s decided that since they clearly aren’t ready for this baby, she’s not going to have it. He can tell the Cohens, but her mom can’t know. She tells Ryan he’s off the hook and hurries back inside. (L: After blinking 34 times.)
The next morning, Seth excitedly tells Ryan that he has to go renew the dock fees for his plot-abandoned boat, Summer Breeze. “Remember last summer?” he asks Ryan and the viewers alike. This question reminds me that the show actually did start as a summer show, which is probably why it has such an unreasonable episode order. Fair enough, show. Seth wants Ryan to go sailing with him, but Ryan’s got feels to deal with, like Theresa’s abortion and the slightly expanded range of facial expressions he seems to have acquired in the last 27 episodes. It’s a lot to take in.
Out in the pool house, Theresa’s getting for work when Kirsten comes out to talk to her. Theresa says she’s only working a half day because she’s got her Planned Parenthood appointment. Kirsten quickly realizes that Theresa will be going alone and volunteers to go with her, an offer Theresa gratefully accepts.
At one of those unclear school meal times, Marissa and Ryan awkwardly discuss the abortion. Marissa reiterates the whole “YOU’RE OFF THE HOOK!” line, and while I’m never quite sure with Ryan, his expression doesn’t exactly ooze relief. Regardless, Marissa’s optimistic that they can spend their writerless summer doing normal stuff after all.
With that, they kiss and I hand the post off to Lorraine.
Lorraine: Caleb leads a blindfolded Julie in front of an extremely large house. Surprise! She gets a new large house her significant other can’t afford! (She doesn’t know that part yet.) She squeals.
Lor: Dock of Plot Abandoned Boats. Seth misses his boat a whole lot. Ryan whatever happened to his planned trip to Tahiti and this turns into a more feelsy bro-chat: Ryan showed up and made Seth’s life in Newport better. Seth suggests a new sailing trip, this one with their ladies, and Ryan seems very pleased by the plan. You can tell I’m recapping the middle of the episode because so far, everyone is just so happy! Except for, you know, Theresa.
We cut to a Not Happy meal between Kirsten and Theresa. Kirsten is going over everything that will happen pre-procedure and Theresa looks overwhelmed. She can’t believe she’s doing this, though she thinks she has to. See, she’s “in high school.” “Or I should be.” (Nice try, show.) (A: I have to keep reminding myself that this is not only an unwanted pregnancy but a teen one, despite the clearly not-teenage actress.) (S: Those “I should bes!” kill me every time.) Theresa says having the abortion makes the most sense. Kirsten tells her not to make a decision based on sense, and Theresa thinks that’s easy for her rich ass to say. Her life is perfect. Kristen’s face falls as she says that no one is perfect. Theresa is not picking up on the facial clues and barrels again, saying that things like this never happen to people like her. Kirsten is quiet and sad for long enough that Theresa finally gets it. Kirsten once had an abortion. She says that she doesn’t regret that decision, but she does wish someone were there with her while she was trying to decide. Kirsten says that whatever Theresa decides, they’ll be there for her.
Alex: Kirsten is absolutely killing the whole surrogate-parenting thing in this episode. Can we award her some of her own husband’s eyebrows, or would that be weird?
Sweeney: Not weird! All the eyebrows for Kirsten! Her surrogate parent game is on point today.
Lor: Pool house. Ryan checks in on Theresa who says that she thought about it and she’s gonna keep her baby, oooouuh!
Alex: Flawless gif-ing.
Lor: Thank you.
Theresa hugs Ryan and he has “oh shit,” face.
The next day, Sandy and Kirsten argue a bit. Sandy thinks Kirsten convinced Theresa to keep the baby and Kirsten says she only helped her make an informed choice. They jump from this topic right to Caleb, who Kirsten says is acting strange. Sandy blames his upcoming nuptuals to Julie and Kirsten seems to accept that.
In the pool house, Theresa is packing her stuff. She saw Ryan’s “oh shit” face and is going back home. She even told her mother everything. Ryan can barely look at her as he says that she doesn’t have to leave. They can work things out. Theresa says that if that’s true, he should come with her. I don’t get her logic. Chino v. Best Pool House Ever. There’s room for a crib in that pool house, girl!
Sweeney: I understand wanting to be close to her mom and all, but this decision just seems supremely silly. THEY ARE OFFERING TO HELP YOU. And you can actually save up money and not have to contribute to household expenses! Think about it, girl! It’s not like she’s that far from home.
Lor: Gruesome Castle. Jimmy and Hailey are helping Marissa carry her things in. Julie is upset that Jimmy is there, considering he just gave Caleb a black eye.They start exchanging barbs.
Seth is still at the dock, now with Summer. She says it’s such a coincidence that her name is Summer like his boat. A guy I was going to call a “That Guy” runs up to Seth, but IMDb tells me I recognize him from Days of Our Lives. I mean, we’re all watching The OC and I’m still pretty ashamed. Anyways, Philip Kiriakas is helping Seth find a buyer for his boat. Summer asks why he needs the cash and Seth confesses that it’s for Theresa. She’s going to keep her baby, oooouuh! Seth doesn’t know how else to help, so he’s selling the only thing he has of worth.
Alex: Initially I was really impressed by this, but his behaviour later in the episode makes his motives seem less-than-selfless. We’ll get to that, though.
Lor: Cohen House. There’s some sort of party going on. Rehearsal dinner? I don’t know. Party. Jimmy’s there and Caleb is not happy. Julie tries to play nice with Marissa but everyone just stares at her like she’s the kind of mom who would sleep with their peers. Julie scurries off.
Marissa asks Seth if he’s heard from Ryan, who is missing. Seth and Summer tag team an excuse about how Ryan is fixing his hair. Friends, next time try “shaving his hands” or perhaps “moving to Atlanta.”
Sandy finds Caleb and tells him the inside scoop from the DA is that Caleb’s done for. Sandy asks if Julie knows and then can’t stop giggling as he tries to say that of course Julie isn’t marrying him just for his money. Sandy points out the irony that Julie left Jimmy who is now worth millions and now Caleb is broke. Caleb “doesn’t believe in irony” and I don’t think he understands irony.
Pool house. Ryan is brooding. He breaks the news to Marissa that Theresa left to Chino to have her baby. There is a lot of awkward staring and blinking.
Later, at the maybe rehearsal dinner, Caleb gives a speech about the Nichols, Cohens and Coopers are coming together as a family and he’s at the head of it. Sandy raises his majestic Eyebrows at that, but drinks some wine all the same. Toast done, Ryan rushes into the house to “get some air.” In the house. Marissa, Seth and Summer all follow him. He asks if they can leave and everyone is good with that plan.
The kids all walk along the beach. Seth says it’s the place where they first got their butts kicked by the water polo team, and if you’ll recall, Luke welcomed them to the OC, bitch. Ryan announces that he’s been thinking and he thinks he has to go back to Chino to help Theresa out. He’s leaving the OC. Bitch.
We cut to a not!break and I hand it over to Alex!
Alex: The next day, Seth arrives back at the dock to collect his money from the dude I recognise as the gynaecologist from Scrubs (sadly I’ve never seen Days of Our Lives). Unfortunately, though, the sale has fallen through and there is no money to be had. Seth sulks about how crappy his life has been lately. Dude, your best friend is about to move back home to be a teenage father. Maybe tone down the ‘OMG my life sucks’ just a little bit?
Seth joins Marissa and Summer in the diner, and enter-nounces that he has a plan. The three of them can all get jobs over the summer and help Ryan and Theresa find an apartment, so that they don’t have to move back to Chino. Marissa is uncharacteristically empathetic (or maybe she just really doesn’t want to get a job) as she points out that Theresa needs to be with her own family, and Ryan wants to be there for her. Seth snaps at Marissa that this is all her fault, since Ryan wouldn’t even have hooked up with Theresa if she hadn’t broken up with him. Marissa retorts that Seth’s only ever used Ryan for meeting girls and getting out of fights.
This is what I was alluding to earlier. It really feels like this has much more to do with Seth simply not wanting Ryan to leave, rather than him worrying about what’s best for Ryan. Marissa’s comment was harsh, but not entirely unfair, since there definitely seems to be an element of ‘but if he leaves I won’t be cool any more’ to Seth’s concern here. Meanwhile, although I spent most of my last recap yelling about how much I hate Marissa, she’s finally showing some real compassion here. And while it’s true that Ryan probably wouldn’t have slept with Theresa if he and Marissa hadn’t broken up, I really don’t think Seth can blame her for that, or what happened as a result. In short: STFU, Seth.
Sweeney: I think Seth’s definitely being very selfish here, but his mean comment to Marissa wasn’t entirely unfounded either. All of Ryan’s drama, prior to Theresa’s return, has been caused by Marissa. Mostly, I think it’s just an all-around hard situation because they’re teenagers – very privileged teenagers – who can’t relate to or solve Ryan’s problems.
Alex: I think that sums it up nicely.
Pool house. Sandy finds Ryan packing his bags and reminds him that, as his guardian, he could legally stop Ryan from moving back to Chino if he wanted. But Ryan’s been learning about parenting from the best, and now that he’s going to be a father he needs to look out for his own family. Sandy invites Theresa to come live with them too, and bring up the baby there, but Ryan says that the Cohens have already done too much for him and he could never ask them to do that. Before Sandy found him, he had no family and no hope, and he doesn’t want his kid growing up like that. Sandy realises that he’s not going to change Ryan’s mind, but makes sure he knows that ‘just because you’re leaving, that doesn’t mean I’m letting you go’. Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye. (S: SNARK HQ HAYFEVER FLARES UP AGAIN.) (L: Even the newest Snark Ladies are susceptible!)
Wedding time! We cut to some kind of weird open-air chapel thing, which to me sort of looks like a recycled set from Charmed. I’m not sure I’m a fan. I am, however, a fan of how fabulous Julie looks as she walks down the aisle. I think the word ‘fabulous’ must have been invented for Melinda Clarke, to be honest. Her three blonde bridesmaids also look stunning in their not-quite-matching red dresses. At the altar, Caleb and Julie look at each other for a couple of seconds, and then we must be running low on episode time because we cut suddenly to them dancing at the reception. The camera lingers for a while on the singer at the wedding, which probably means I should know who she is, but I’m afraid I don’t. (S: It’s Jem. One of her songs – “Flying High” – was also used earlier in the episode.)
Marissa and Ryan dance, while Kirsten and Sandy sadly look on. This would probably be a touching moment, except that Ryan’s got the most ridiculously gormless look on his face and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I tried to make a gif so that you could see for yourselves, but I couldn’t get it to work so you’ll just have to take my word for it. I know, I know, it’s an easy target. But making fun of Ryan’s (lack of) facial expressions will never get old. Anyway, Marissa sobs that she understands why he needs to leave, but wishes he didn’t have to. She tearfully tells him that she loves him, and then cries on his shoulder while he sort of gazes into the distance, trying to remember if he left the stove on. OK, OK, I’ll stop (seriously, though).
Summer finds Seth sitting all alone while everyone else is dancing. She reassures him that he’ll still be able to see Ryan, but Seth snaps back that it won’t be the same, because Ryan is the only real friend he’s ever had. He also shittily informs Summer that she doesn’t count, but I guess we’ll let that one slide on account of how upset he is right now. He tells her that he was the biggest loser in school before Ryan came along, and now Ryan’s leaving and he can’t even do anything to help him. He asks to be alone with his thoughts for a few more minutes, but as Summer’s leaving, he calls her back and confesses that the boat was named after her. She seems to find this adorable, rather than incredibly creepy.
Alex: I remember liking him a lot more when I originally watched the series, although I think I actually started somewhere in S2. So he’s got plenty of time to win me back around.
Back at the pool house, Ryan zips the last of his things into a bag and takes a final look around before leaving. In the kitchen, he finds Kirsten packing him some lunch in a little brown bag, which is just the sweetest thing ever. She sadly jokes about how she might have been able to get him to stay if she’d learned how to cook, and Ryan responds with a sincere “thank you for inviting me into your home.” Kirsten, Sandy and Ryan have a tearful group hug, and oh, there’s that thing in my eye again.
Ugh. Again, this scene is probably harder to swallow due to the ages of the actors compared with the characters they’re playing. Maybe if Seth were played by an actual teenage boy, his sulking would seem more reasonable, because it’s hard not to see this as a grown man being unbelievably immature and hostile to his friend – a friend who could really use his support right now.
Sweeney: Agreed. This is forever Xander Harris Syndrome in my mind, because if ever there was a character who suffered from the way-too-old actor playing him, it was Xander. Adam Brody looks a lot younger than Nicholas Brendon did (though they were 24 and 25 respectively when they started playing high school sophomores – 15/16, for non-Americans) so he suffers from it less frequently, but this was definitely not a winning moment for him.
Alex: We end the episode with a long montage set to Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’. Theresa and Ryan drive away, neither of them looking at all happy, as Marissa watches them leave and looks equally miserable. Seth packs a large bag and heads out of the house, leaving notes for his parents and for Summer. Marissa is brought to her fancy new home in an enormous limo, and stands on her balcony staring out at the most amazing view while she swigs vodka straight from the bottle. Kirsten strips the sheets from Ryan’s bed before she collapses, sobbing, into Sandy’s arms. Finally, we see Seth in his boat, sailing off into the sunset all on his own. And after that enormous smorgasbord of FEELS, the first season of the OC comes to an end.
Next time: Season 2! However will the show bring its boys home? Find out on The OC S02 E01 – The Distance
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a thirty-year-old postgrad living in Scotland. When I'm not writing (which, between my degree and Snark Squad, is almost never) I watch entirely too much TV, and live in constant fear of the day that I run out of things to watch.
