Previously: Family day at rehab got crazy when Donnie found out Alison is a clone and Alison found out Vic was in cahoots with Deangelis. Also, Donnie later accidentally murdered Leekie’s face off.
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Variable and Full of Perturbation
Lorraine: A van riddled with bullet holes on the passenger’s side tears through traffic as we hear police sirens in the background. The van pulls into a garage and the driver hops out. A handkerchief is covering most of the driver’s face. Getaway Driver runs over to the passenger’s side where his buddy has the misfortune of being Wounded Partner in Crime. He insists he’s okay, but the bleeding bullet wound tells us otherwise.
Getaway Driver and Wounded Partner in Crime argue about their job gone wrong. Wounded Partner in Crime was supposed to have the place cased, but they were ambushed anyway. Getaway Driver doesn’t think it was police or feds; the ambushers were wearing very expensive shoes. Wounded Partner in Crime collapses and checks out his wound. Things look grim. Getaway Driver pulls down his hankerchief, and if the voice hadn’t given it away for you yet, this is Tatiana Maslany. With a beard and 100% more eyebrows. TRANSGENDERED CLONE? What is this show!
Sweeney: I love this show and part of why I love this show is that I’m so often saying, “What is this show?” in the best possible way.
Lor: Agreed. I’m impressed.
Man Clone tries to find something to stop the bleeding, all as Wounded uses his probably dying breaths to tell Man Clone something important: he was set up. There was a cop who contacted them a couple of months ago. Wounded says the cop wanted Man Clone for a specific reason, but can’t bring himself to say why out loud. Instead, he asks his friend to promise to find Beth Childs.
Sweeney: Womp womp. At least he dies before he gets the bad news.
Lor: DNA and SCIENCE and a NEAT-O SCREENSAVER.
Papa Duncan is having a cup of tea at Mrs. S’s house. Sarah arrives and Siobhan quickly asks where Kira is. Sarah won’t bring Kira in until she knows the house is safe. Siobhan says that her old pal Benjamin (of sticking Sarah in a trunk fame) has four men on watch. If Rachel sends anyone near this house, Siobhan is going to shoot Papa Duncan in the brainpan. (“Brainpan” will never not remind me of Firefly.) Siobhan says they hold all the cards what with Papa Duncan, all his information and Kira. Sarah says Kira isn’t part of any deal, which Siobhan claims to know. It’s just a matter of seeing how everything lands at the Dyad.
Benjamin comes into the house through the back door with Kira and Felix in tow. He found them hiding in the alley. Kira launches herself at Mrs. S and Felix mouths, “sorry” at Sarah who just rolls her eyes. It doesn’t appear that they were trying very hard to hide, anyway. Siobhan calls Kira a sight for sore eyes, and Felix wants in on the hug and affection. Papa Duncan watches it with a creepy smile, mostly directed at Kira. Nuh-uh Papa Duncan. You quit that smiling RIGHT NOW.
Sweeney: EVERYONE NEEDS TO LEAVE KIRA OUT OF THINGS. She yanked out her poor little baby tooth. That’s all you guys get.
Lor: Making Crazy Science Lab: ACCESS DENIED Edition. Delphine has been locked out of the lab. Cosima takes a deep breath and she tells Lab Mate Scott to brace himself as she goes to answer the door. Delphine has a package for Cosima from Sarah. Delphine says she can override the keycard access at anytime. Delphine calmly says she can go for it, but the fact remains that Cos just doesn’t want her in the lab. Cosima closes the door in Delphine’s face. Scott says girl fights are mean.
Then we get a short, science-y montage of Scott drilling into Kira’s little tooth. He asks if Cosima’s aware that a more effective treatment would be the donor’s bone marrow. Cosima is aware.
Alison’s Abode. Donnie is in bed as Alison enters their room, wondering why he didn’t come pick her up from rehab. Alison: “The kids are truant. There’s cleaning product all over the laundry room. What’s going on, hmm?” Donnie says he doesn’t feel well, and Alison assumes he’s having a hard time with the whole clone thing. She gets close to him and plants a small kiss on his arm as she assures him that they’ll get through it together. But then she smells something. She struggles with Donnie and eventually pulls back the covers revealing a collection of tiny bottles of liquor. Alison is angry that he’s drinking on the day she gets back from rehab. (S: I don’t think you have to have any experience with people in rehab to know that Donnie just failed family-in-rehab 101.) She starts hitting him with a pillow and pouring the remaining bottles out on Donnie, who is hilariously grabbing bottles and drinking what he can before Ali gets to it. The kids show up in the doorway and, seriously, these poor children. Alison stands to usher them out, saying they’ll spend the night at grandma’s house. She turns back to her husband and says that she’ll allow him the day to think.
Art is having a secret meeting. He walks up to the car and is stunned by why he sees: it’s Man Clone (Tony) who sasses Art when he gives the obvious, “you’re Tony?”
S’s Hideaway House. Felix is getting ready to leave, and Sarah is surprised, as she figured they could hang out together while Kira took her bath. Papa Duncan interrupts their conversation with questions about Kira’s name and age. Sarah gets prickly with him, saying Kira is none of his concern. Closer to the door and in hushed tones, Sarah asks Felix what’s going on. He admits that Art needs his help with something clone-y, but it isn’t something Sarah needs to worry about. Felix promises that he’ll call if she’s needed. Sarah thanks him and says goodbye. Papa Duncan, not deterred, observes that Rachel was about Kira’s age when Leekie stole her away. Siobhan says that Papa Duncan can end the war by making amends. I’m sorry, but to me, it seems Papa Duncan is more interested in his cup of tea than in making amends. On your guard, S!
Dyad. Delphine arrives at Dr. Leekie’s office and finds there’s a new dude at the front desk, telling callers that Dr. Leekie is unavailable. Inside Leekie’s office, Rachel is leaving a message for Paul:
Lor: Same! When that day comes, I’m going to be so prepared.
Rachel ends the message by saying she hates to worry. Way to emote, Rach! Front Desk Dude leads Delphine into the office. She’s confused, especially when Front Desk Dude casually offers her some tea. I’d say inappropriate tea time would be a theme now, but once you’ve covered that one time Ana Steele offered her mentally unstable assailant tea, everything seems totally appropriate by comparison. (S: Also, as Americans, we’re very confused about the rules of tea time. Maybe when someone attacks you is like prime tea time! Little mysteries.)
Rachel tells Delphine that Leekie suffered a heart attack on one of their jets. Delphine will now be reporting to Rachel. Delphine is shocked. Rachel explains that Dr. Leekie buried crucial information about the origins of the experiment, but they now have an open line of communication with Sarah. Rachel dramatically says that they have a breakthrough for Cosima and for them all.
Felix arrives at his Jinxed Frisky Flat. He finds that Art has already let himself in, but that is soon forgotten as Art pushes the door back further and reveals Tony, who smiles as he takes Felix in.
After a Not Break, Tony is angry that Beth’s “not coming.” He starts to gather his things, but Felix calms him down by saying he’ll definitely want to stick around. Fee invites Tony to make himself at home while he talks to Art in the hallway for 30 seconds. Tony agrees, calling Felix “Fee Fee.” Felix says if Tony calls him that again, they won’t tell him anything.
Out in the hall, Felix exclaims, “Holy Tilda Swinton.” HA. Fee wants to know where the heck Tony came from. Art explains that he kept Beth’s line open, hoping that one day it might ring. Art asks Felix to clarify what’s going on and he does in a few words: that would be a single chromosome. Art figured as much. “She’s a trans clone.” “He,” Felix corrects and then sternly repeats. “He’s. Yeah. Just another variation in my sister’s skin.” Oooh, brilliant line there. It’s not the fact that Tony’s trans that is rattling Felix here (which may be what is rattling Art…) but the fact that this person, this man, looks like his sister. Can you imagine the head trip?
Sweeney: The clone thing was weird, but he adapted in good humor but I doubt he’d ever considered this particular possibility. Head trip for sure.
Lor: Tony tried to contact Beth after his friend was killed by some guys in suits, and now he says he’ll only talk to Beth. Felix wonders if he knows he’s a clone, but Art doesn’t know. He didn’t tell Tony a thing because he’s clearly a sketchy character. Felix agrees and tells Art to follow his lead.
Back in the Jinxed Frisky Flat, Felix leads with this:
I guess that was the extent of Felix’s plan because he scoffs and walks away. Art tells Tony that Beth is dead. Tony thinks that’s his cue to leave but Felix again assures him that he’ll want to stick around. Fee asks what Beth said when she called. Tony says she told him they might be related. Now Sammy (Wounded Partner in Crime) left a message for her, and she’s dead. Felix wants to know the message, but Tony won’t share without more information from them. Felix agrees that that’s fair, but since they don’t actually know anything about Tony, Art’s going to go check out his story while Felix is on Clone-sitting duty. Again. Tony levels a look at Felix, which he returns with a title of his chin. Ugh, guys, what’s happening right now? Are they look-flirting?
Sweeney: There’s some definite look-flirting going on and Felix’s head trip gets ever more intense.
Lor: S’s Hideaway House. Sarah and Kira are getting arts and crafty, though Sarah admits they could use Auntie Alison’s help. The angels on the mobile they’ve made remind Kira of Helena. She wants to know if Helena is okay. Sarah says yes, and then is more honest: sort of. Helena asked about Kira all of the time, though, and that makes Kira smile. The girls hear a knock downstairs and Kira’s immediate reaction is, “should we hide?” That poor baby. I mean, I grew up hiding when people knocked on my door too, but that’s just ’cause we are anti-social bastards.
Sarah goes to investigate. It’s Delphine, who is acting twitchily enough that I feel like a little bad for her. (S: +1.) Sarah sees Delphine and is worried something has happened to Cosima. Delphine clarifies that she’s here with a new proposal from Rachel. First, she breaks the news that Leekie is dead and Rachel is claiming a heart attack. Delphine thinks Leekie was the lesser of two evils, but it’s too late for that. It’s all about Papa Duncan now. The key to a cure that doesn’t involve Kira’s stem cells lies in Papa Duncan’s synthetic sequence. Rachel wants him at the Dyad immediately to begin working. Sarah refuses and Delphine points out that this means Kira would “get to” stay with Sarah. Siobhan is more willing to consider this proposal.
Dyad. Cosima gets back to the Making Crazy Science Lab only to find that Scott is there with a group of friends playing Runewars. Scott thought Cosima had gone home and invited his buddies to come play down there. Cosima cool-bosses that as long as Scott is doing his science-thing with that baby tooth, she doesn’t care if he’s making bathtub acid. The Runewars Bros laugh. She goes back to her desk while the Runewars Bros play on. Cos has several tabs up, all having to do with Delphine. Her attention is quickly won back by the game, and guys, I wish I could faithfully explain what’s going on, but that’s about as likely as me explaining the science on this show. Basically, I know nothing, Lorraine Snow.
Sweeney: I was really hoping you’d drop some secret knowledge on us, much like Cosima, and break this down for me. Alas.
Lor: Not I. Cosima does her dropping knowledge thing and the Bros are duly impressed. They invite her to play. We cut to her having a good time owning their asses.
Cosima’s laughing morphs into coughing. She turns away from them as she coughs blood into a tissue. Scott is worried, but all this is interrupted by Delphine who apparently got that access override anyway, because ignoring Cosima’s wishes is pretty much what she does best. Cosima leaves the boys to play as she and Delphine chat by her desk. Delphine says that they can’t be fighting because things are moving too quickly for that. Leekie is dead, Rachel is at his desk, and Duncan may be able to get her a cure. Delphine asks what Cosima wants her to do (NOW…) (S: She’s asking and stuff, but, like who knows if she’ll actually do what Cosima wants her to do…) and Cosima kicks the Runewars Club out. As they gather their things, Cos tells Delphine she’s going to make good on her promise to get her baked.
Frisky Flat. Felix has apparently just told Tony that he’s an orphan. Felix surreptitiously hides a picture of him and Sarah as Tony talks about how full of shit his parents were. Felix wants to know more about Sammy the Wounded, but Tony isn’t forthcoming. Tony grabs clothes out of Felix’s closet and asks to borrow them, since he’s not had a proper shower for two days and needs to bathe the boys. Felix is over him because he knows this is all part of Tony’s spiel: pushing buttons, testing boundaries and the like. Tony snits that Felix is deep as he heads into the bathroom to undress. Felix: “So how does Tony the Trans Bandit go over with the hoodlum set?” Tony shoots back, “When did you come out? Tuesday?” Felix says that this all is more complicated than sex and gender. It feels like a sister line of Cosima’s telling Rachel that her sexuality isn’t the most interesting thing about her. Tony’s response is to come out in his briefs.
Felix says that Tony is so much like his sister. Which is a weird thing, probably, to Tony who is doing his flirting and doesn’t know he actually looks like Fee’s sister.
Alison’s Abode. She finds Donnie packing his stuff. He thinks Alison is better off without him. Alison, tears in her eyes, asks if this is the real Donnie, leaving his family and abandoning his kids in the middle of the night. Ali asks if he still loves her, of if he ever loved her. Donnie crumples into her lap, crying and apologizing for the porn and the putting her rehab and also for hating her mother. Alison gives him a free pass on that last one. “Everybody hates my mother.” Alison says she’s made terrible mistakes but Donnie doesn’t think she can match his mistake. “Try me,” she challenges.
S’s Hideaway. Papa Duncan confirms that finding a cure for Cosima will mean handing over the keys to the kingdom to Dyad. But he’s confident that he can cure her. With that, Sarah’s made up her mind. There is nothing else to do. Papa Duncan has to go back to the Dyad.
Sweeney: Thinking a bit about other current events in Traumaland, specifically Veronica Mars, a consequence of being the main character on a dramatic show is that we necessarily see the other characters function in service of your plot far more than that’s ever inverted. Much like it was nice to see Veronica baking cookies for Wallace, I liked this little moment where we see that assuring Cosima’s well-being is the, “It’s decided, then,” moment for Sarah.
Lor: Sarah and Cosima’s growing care for each other have been one of the subtle highlights of this show.
Art makes it back to Felix’s flat, but sends him a text from out in the hall. Tony is enjoying his bath. Felix says he’s going out on a booze run. In the hall, Art and Felix talk in a hurried whisper. Art confirmed Tony’s identity- formerly Antoinette Sawicki- plus the identity of his partner in crime, Sammy Welldeen, who was found dead in a Cincinnati garage. Felix suspects that Sammy the Dead was Tony’s monitor. Art says Sammy and Beth had met before. Art asks if Tony knows he’s a clone yet, which makes Felix squeal about that being his responsibility now too. Art is going to keep investigating, but he’s afraid that whoever shot Sammy will be after Tony next. “Dyad,” Felix assumes, but they’ve never been in the business of shooting clones. Art advises Felix to call Sarah. Felix wants to try again with Tony before calling in the big guns.
Inside the Flat, Tony has gotten out of the bath and is rummaging through Felix’s things, pocketing some of his money. He sees a painting that gives him great pause.
By the time Felix comes back inside (these scenes were all inter-cut) Tony has settled back on the couch and is injecting himself with testosterone. Tony says he takes his shot come hell, high water, Sammy dying, Beth dying or Felix looking so good. Felix mostly ignores that and brings up Beth and Sammy again, noting that they must’ve known each other. Tony asks how Felix knew Beth, but he jokes the question off. Tony offers the testosterone again and Felix says that Tony has nothing he hasn’t seen before. They clink beers and drink to that.
Hideaway House. Crazy Science Grandpa Duncan is reading The Island of Dr. Moreau to Kira. Sarah interrupts and asks if that’s really appropriate. Kira throws her head back in an adorable moment of, “MOOOOOOM.”
Lor: Story time is further interrupted by Benjamin who is ready to take Papa Duncan to the Dyad. Papa Duncan gives the book to Kira and tells her not to worry because he’s nobody’s pawn. I think by the fact that some government people were all, “NO. THIS IS WRONG!” and you kept with the clone thing, we can assume that’s pretty true, Papa D. Sarah’s Clone Phone rings and it’s Felix telling her that there is a new naive clone and this one is a he. In Felix’s Flat, Tony is dancing around. After Felix hangs up with Sarah and exits the bathroom, Tony is right in his face, asking who was on the phone. Felix says it was his sister and that leads them into a kiss. Which, like, weird. WEIRD.
And then Tony, while kissing Felix says, “tasty Tony,” which makes me like him even less. Who does that? Felix breaks the kiss. Tony heads over to his paintings and picks up the memorial painting of Sarah. The one with the penis. Tony asks if Beth Childs is his sister. Felix points at the penis-memorial-painting and says that’s his sister. Tony is not enjoying this run around and gets back in Felix’s face, asking if he’s going to tell him WTF is going on.
Sweeney: The penis drawing and crossed out eyes all has to be super weird for Tony, given that he knows nothing about this. It’s got to give off a bit of a creepy stalkerish feeling for him. I also kind of wonder if that painting in any way inspired this plot. It’s an interesting use of an old prop either way.
Lor: Agreed, especially since I was all, “what even is that penis??” the first time we saw it.
Making Crazy Science Lab. Cosima and Delphine have a Totally Baked One Day montage. After that, Delphine tells Cosima she loves her. Cos is all, “yeah, is that why you keep doing things behind my back?” Cosima says that it isn’t just her life they are dealing with; it’s all of the clones. Delphine has to love all of them. Delphine says she does, then, and Cosima accepts that. “Because if you betray us again, I have enough dirt on you to destroy your career.” Delphine laughs, a bit bitterly, even as Cosima adds, “and I love you too.”
Alison’s Abode. Donnie is confessing that he thought he was doing something good and it was Leekie and his stupid face who let people into their home to examine her. Spurred on by all this confession, Ali decides she has to tell him about Aynsley’s accident. Donnie’s shocked, but probably not for the reasons Alison’s thinks. I’m sure he’s thinking, “YOU TOO?” Yes, you are both reluctant murderers; Donnie confesses that he killed Dr. Leekie.
Jinxed Frisky Flat. Tony is done waiting around with no answers, no matter how much Felix begs him to just stay and wait. Luckily, just as Tony storm out, he runs right into Sarah. Felix gives the introduction: “Tony, this is Sarah. Your sister.”
After a Not Break, Sarah’s filling Tony in on the clone thing, but he wants her to stop talking just so he can take it all in.
Sweeney: +1 to all of that. This has contributed really interesting things to the story. I especially love this whole bit about having already “done that work.” Excellent.
Lor: All that squared away, they get back to the message Sammy left with Tony: Tell Beth Keep the Faith. Paul’s like me. He’s on it. He’s a ghost.
DUN DUN DUN.
I mean, this show could straight out tell me to trust someone, and I wouldn’t, BUT LIKE MAYBE AT A FUTURE TIME WE COULD A LITTLE BIT TRUST PAUL? That certainly is a development.
Sweeney: I’m actually inclined to err on the side of trusting fairly quickly because everything about his behavior with Rachel a few episodes ago felt like such a strange, abrupt shift. Trust isn’t necessarily the same thing as like here, because the reveal would have to be damn serious to accomplish that, but I suppose part of me already trusts that there is something bigger going on.
Lor: Fair.
Dyad. Rachel tells someone to keep looking for Paul, who has disappeared without a trace. Papa Duncan has arrived. She greets him stiffly as “Professor Duncan” and offers him tea. So maybe the tea theme was just, “The Duncans and their tea.” Rachel apologizes for being overly emotional during their last meeting. Papa Duncan says it’s fine, because he was too. He was dreaming of their meeting for 20 years. Rachel shuts that down and says she wasn’t. There will be no more emotion from her. Their relationship must remain professional. Papa Duncan asks her if she remembers him reading her The Island of Dr. Moreau. She does, but only vaguely. The point of Papa’s story is just for him to hope that Rachel can forgive him for being happy Dr. Leekie is dead. “Of course,” she says stiffly.
Cut to dead Dr. Leekie in Donnie’s trunk. Alison examines the body, but is most concerned that Donnie didn’t wrap it well and the trunk is getting dirty. She says she hope he threw the murder weapon in the lake, but actually, he just put it back in her gun locker. Now she’s pissed that he used her gun.
Jinxed Frisky Flat. Sarah and Felix discuss the message and how it seems Sammy was trying to reassure Beth about Paul. Sammy and Paul were both military. Felix doesn’t know what it means, but he tells Sarah to enjoy the fact that Leekie and Paul are both gone. Sarah asks if he’ll be alright and with a glance back at Tony, Felis]x says yes.
Back in the flat, Tony is still internalizing the idea that he has sisters. He looks at Felix’s paintings and decides that he’d get along with Cosima but the one with the soccer ball (Alison) looks like a douche. Felix defends Alison but says that lucky for him, they need to keep him away from all the clone madness. For now.
And finally we’re back at the Dyad. Papa Duncan has provided a list of things he’ll need to get to work. He asks if despite all this, Kira is still the prize. Rachel just smiles and asks how Sarah, “the unmonitored tramp” is the one who was successful in her fertility. Papa Duncan says she has it backwards. Sarah is a failure. They were all made barren by design. Rachel breathes deeply and we see her get up from her desk and push everything off. We cut back to her calmly sitting. The tantrum could either be something that happens later, or like, her internal struggles. You know, that mind tantrum we sometimes throw. Rachel is clearly devastated as we keep watching scenes of her tantrum, but to Duncan she evenly says, “I suppose you couldn’t have created a reproducing prototype, could you? That would be irresponsible, which is unforgivable.”
Sweeney: SHIT. The disease, too, is likely by design. If it’s tied to the uterus and they deliberately made them to be infertile that process is likely also responsible for the thing that’s killing Cosima. So. Shit.
Lor: Makes sense, and could be why Duncan was so confident he could cure Cosima.
Delphine enters, as she’s going to take Papa Duncan to Cosima. Rachel tells Papa it’s time to start fixing his mistakes.
Art’s back at the Frisky Flat. The police have found Tony’s stolen car, which means the Dyad won’t be far behind. Felix asks for a few minutes to say goodbye. Fee says he’s not worried about Tony. He hands over a Clone Phone for him and tells him to call if he needs anything. Tony plants a quick kiss on him and then jokes, “later sister kisser.” DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT SISTER KISSING, TONY. IT HAPPENS A LOT HERE.
Sweeney: IT’S LITERALLY ALWAYS TOO SOON IN TRAUMALAND. IT’S ALWAYS TOO SOON.
Lor: Making Crazy Science Lab. Scott’s kind of spazzing out since they are about to meet Papa Duncan, the original geneticist. In that moment, Cosima confesses that she’s 324b21. She’s the clone. Scott is shocked silent as he tries to decide if this is true. He accepts it and then grabs Cosima’s hand to shake. “It’s an honor, Cosima,” he tells her. “An honor to be working with you.” That was super sweet. It’s a reminder in a an episode full of them that sex, sexuality and gender are not the most important things about the clones, and perhaps, neither is that they are clones. There is only one of each of them and we saw lots of bits of their humanity here. It was nice to have Scott recognize that and say it’s an honor to work with a brilliant scientist and not to meet a clone.
Delphine brings in Papa Duncan. Cosima tells him that they are all ready to work and Delphine adds that they are optimistic. Probably way too optimistic for TV, because in the middle of introducing Scott, Cosima doubles over, crashing into nearby shelves as she coughs up blood. She falls to the floor, seizing as Delphine cries out her name. PLEASE, NOT COSIMA. I will not take Tony for Cosima as an even trade.
Sweeney: THAT IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY FUCKING FAIR AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOW.
Lor: Hideaway House. Kira sleeps with Sarah, but she wakes. She grabs The Island of Dr. Moreau from her beside table and sits at the foot of the bed. She smiles as she flips through the pages, full of complicated formulas penned in by Duncan. The camera pans out and back, so we are watching Kira from above. The blue angel on the crappy craft mobile Sarah made comes into focus and we end the episode with that.
Next time: We catch up with Helena at the Proletheans Who Heart Science Ranch where she is ready to give them hell. Check it out in Orphan Black S02 E09 – Things Which Have Never Yet Been Done.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
