Charmed S01 E08 – These are my confessions.

Previously: Some bratty teen wanted to infiltrate the Halliwell coven, but ended up just getting rid of her black lipstick.
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The Truth Is Out There… and It Hurts

Lorraine: In a parking garage that is strangely lit in blue, one white dude in a suit greets another white dude in a suit, in a stalker-y way. Dr. Mitchell tries to get into his car but the Fanboy Stalker blocks his path and gushes about Dr. Mitchell’s studies in cell degeneration. Fanboy says Dr. Mitchell has become kind of a hobby of his and mentions a paper that hasn’t even been published yet. Fanboy assures the doctor that it will be published and that he will also find a vaccine. Dr. Mitchell asks for what and Fanboy shoots him with a blue laser in the forehead.

The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public. The last time we saw a Magic 8 Ball on this blog, it was just about as nonsensical as this. Probably worse. Phoebe moans about not being sure of her future. Piper says they should ask the ball if Prue and Andy are going to get back together. They look at the answer but shake it away before Prue has a chance to see. Piper’s boss calls because he needs her at the restaurant. Her sisters tell her she’s been working too hard and needs to stand up for herself.

Phoebe offers to walk Piper to her car. En route, Phoebe bumps into Fanboy Stalker and gets a premonition of a young woman being blue-laser-in-the-forehead-ed to death. Phoebe tells Piper someone is going to get murdered, but it might be too late because they hear police sirens. The 3Ps take off in the direction of the commotion and up in the Blue Murder Garage where apparently the police aren’t stopping anyone from walking right up to Dr. Mitchell’s dead body. Piper assumes this was the murder from the vision, but it wasn’t. Phoebe saw the next victim.

I AM THE SAHN.

Moody song, San Francisco, Halliwell Manor, as usual. And once again we join the ladies in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Leo walks in and Piper offers him some coffee, but then her pager goes off so Phoebe jumps in to do it instead. When Leo leaves, Prue asks when her sisters are going to stop fighting over him. Not soon enough, girl.

Prue says there isn’t anything useful in the paper on the Blue Laser Murder. Phoebe can’t recall her vision in great detail, so she doesn’t know how she’s supposed to find the would-be-victim. Phoebe suggests that Prue go and visit Andy and, I don’t know, say something like, “investigate any good murders lately?” I’m not sure what her plan is. Prue says no. Phoebe says that she’ll go visit Andy herself and Prue can look in the Book of Shadows. Phoebe is determined to save the vision girl.

We join Prue in the attic. She’s in the DEMONS section of the Book of Shadows, but gets frustrated because she doesn’t know what she’s looking for. She closes it and walks away, but then it magically opens up. Prue investigates and sees it’s opened to a truth spell. She gives a, “what the…,” closes the book, and walks away again.

Qua   ke. Piper is sitting at the bar on a business call when her boss, Martin, comes over and tells her to take it elsewhere. Piper gets angry enough to start standing up for herself, but then backs down at the last second.

Buckland Auction House. Phoebe visits Prue in order to borrow her laptop to research the murder case. She went down to the station and apparently the detectives were more than happy to talk about the case in eavesdropping distance. Phoebe briefly saw Andy and says he looked sad, so Prue should probably just tell him the truth about being a witch. She smiles sweetly at her sister and takes off. That was a Good Phoebe Scene! I feel they are rare enough to warrant the caps.

OH MY GOSH, I JUST NOTICED THAT UNDER HER CARDIGAN, PRUE IS WEARING A TUBE TOP. I thought I saw a little flash of skin in the attic, but I honest to goodness convinced myself it was a trick of light. BUT ALAS. TUBE TOP IN THE OFFICE. UNDER A CARDIGAN WITH DRAWSTRINGS:

 

Later, Prue puts on another sweater, but this time with a full shirt. That’s not important. She’s in the attic, saying the truth spell. It goes like this:

For those who want the

truth revealed,

Opened hearts and secrets

unsealed,

From now until it’s

now again,

After which the memory

ends.

Those who now are

in this house,

Will hear the truth

from other’s mouth

So the spell affects Piper and Phoebe too. Upstairs, Prue calls Andy, but gets his answering service. She leaves a rambly message asking him to call within the next 24 hours.

Fanboy Stalker pays a visit to a lab guy who is studying some science things. Guys, I’m going on vacation soon and I have so many recaps to write before I get there. The point is that I have a shorter than usual attention span for the stupid subplot that will be solved in 30 seconds at the end of this episode. Fanboy tells the lab tech that one day he will find a vaccine. Do people just let this guy talk to them in creepy tones and in close distances because he’s wearing a suit? Fanboy grabs Lab Tech and in the struggle loses a button. We see a third eye appear on his forehead and it shoots the Blue Death Laser at Lab Tech.

Manor. We watch the morning routine again, but this time with added truth. By the time Phoebe confesses that she only likes Leo because Piper does, the girls twig to something strange going on. Prue tries to run away but when the girls ask her what’s going on, she can’t help but spill:

  Prue tells them she thought she was alone in the house and that the spell would only work on her. She just wanted to see how Andy would react if he knew she was a witch. Phoebe is pretty stoked the biggest pooper at the Wicca party actually used a spell, and has a little fun asking her sisters some questions to hear their honest answers. (Prue admires Phoebe’s confidence but is frustrated by her lack of responsibility. Piper hates her boss and thinks he must have a small penis.) Prue says it won’t be a big deal because after the 24 hour time limit, no one will remember what the sisters said to them anyway.

Piper wants them to lay low, but Phoebe reminds her they still have a demon find. She realizes that with the spell whoever she asks a question has to answer her honestly. She leaves in a rush.

LOLPD Station. Phoebe goes to visit Andy and tells him he should definitely call Prue back. She takes out a notepad and then asks him questions about the murder case. He word vomits all of the details (more than one victim, no suspects, the evidence button is made out of an unknown alloy). Before he can ask what the heck is going on, Phoebe cuts him off and says goodbye. Hhe waves a little, pressing his lips together firmly. I thought that was cute #truthspellconfessions

Prue is sitting at her desk staring at the picture of Andy when he finally calls. She asks him out for a now-dinner, but it’s only lunchtime. He offers to swing by her office at around 5.

Snooty Assistant comes in with the lunch cart lady we saw earlier, when I was too busy freaking out over the tube top. Snooty Assistant takes the sandwich Cart Lady was saving for Prue When Prue questions her, she admits she’s only taking it because she doesn’t want Prue to have it. Prue asks why she’s such a bitch and Snooty confesses it’s her mission in life to destroy her. Buckland the Person comes in all, “ha ha nothing to see here!” and pulls Snooty away. In his office, Snnoty begs for forgiveness. She then lights his cigar by blowing on it. That isn’t a metaphor for anything.

Manor. Piper’s boss is calling her into work again and she doesn’t stand up for herself. She at least gathers the courage to ask Leo, when he enters, if he ever thinks about her.

Buckland the Place. Buckland the Person asks Prue how she is and she says she’s nervous because she’s about to tell her boyfriend she’s a w– Phoebe cuts her off, as she’s just arrived, and finishes, “winner! She’s a real winner.” Prue wisely suggests they go to her office. Phoebe tells her about all the useful information Andy gave her, but they still don’t know who the victim is. But actually! They do! Because Cart Lady Tanya walks by and she is in fact the woman from the premonition. I… did not notice. #truthspellconfessions

Phoebe tries to run after Tayna but she’s already in an elevator, right along with Fanboy Stalker. Prue decides to go for security while Phoebe goes after Tanya. Outside, Tanya struggles with Fanboy. Phoebe grabs two empty bottles from a trash pile and smashes the first one across Fanboy’s head, allowing Tanya to get away. Phoebe pauses when she sees the third eye, but recovers soon enough and smashes the second bottle across his face. Phoebe and Tanya run to her car and drive away. Prue arrives with security in time to see them speeding away.

Manor. Tanya wants an explanation but is understandably upset when, because of the truth spell, or because she likes announcing that she’s a witch, Phoebe tells her about the demons and visions and stuff.

Qua   ke. Piper tells Martin a family situation came up. but he says she can’t leave. She asks if he really thinks one person can do all of that work and he confesses that he asks her to do it because he knows she will and won’t complain. Why hire more employees? Piper quits.

Buckland. Andy is in Prue’s office and they both confess they are nervous wrecks. Prue decides that instead of telling him what she’s been hiding, she’ll show him. She moves a paperweight with her mind and Andy jumps up in surprise, asking if she’s telekinetic. Prue says yes, but also more than that, she’s a witch. She inherited powers from her mother and grandmother. He asks if Prue’s children will be affected and she says the females will be. It’s a question that made me go, “ah!” because of course, the guy dating her would want to know something like that, but it isn’t something I had given thought to.

Of course I also give more thought to the ugly things the girls are wearing than the Monsters of the Week. #truthspellconfessions

Andy doesn’t know how to react or if he can accept this.

Manor. The girls have Tanya going through the Book of Shadows to see if she recognizes anything…? Weird. Tanya doesn’t understand why Fanboy was going after her, a lowly lunch cart girl. Phoebe touches her and gets another premonition, this time of Tanya rocking a baby. Phoebe asks to talk to Piper in the kitchen and explains the second premonition. Phoebe doesn’t want to be the one to tell Tanya she’s pregnant. Fanboy is probably after the baby and Phoebe guesses the button made out of an unknown metal means he’s from the future. Fanboy will come after her because he saw he with Tanya. Phoebe realizes this means Prue’s in danger too.

Fanboy does indeed find Prue in her office and asks where Tanya is. The truth spell is still going so Prue asks why he’s looking for her and he admits that he was sent from the future to kill the baby Tanya is carrying and all the other pieces of the vaccine. Fanboy is pissed he’s spilling his secrets so he charges at Prue and she throws her desk at him with her mind and runs out.

Phoebe tells Piper to go to Buckland Place to help Prue and she’ll stay at the manor with Tanya.

Meanwhile, Prue runs into what I think is a basement. Piper arrives so I guess Buckland Place is down the street from their house, or something. In the probably a basement, Prue is hiding, but asks Fanboy what the vaccine protects against. In the future, there is a vaccine against warlocks and Tanya’s baby is the key to that. Fanboy finds Prue and grabs her by the throat. And I guess she can’t telekenisis when her windpipe is being squeezed? I DON’T KNOW, GUYS. Doesn’t really matter because Piper finds them and freezes everything. She uses a crowbar to hep Prue out of Fanboy’s grip. They argue about which of them is going to use the crowbar to whack him, all until it’s time for…. THE BIG, BIG RESOLUTION: Time unfreezes and together, they jab the crowbar in his third eye. Bam, dead.

Thanks for playing along, Fanboy!

That night, Prue goes to Andy’s apartment. She needs to know before 8pm if he can accept that she’s a witch. He admits that if he has to answer right now, than no, not because she’s a wtich per se, but because it isn’t a future he envisioned for himself. That’s actually a neat answer. The clock strikes 8 and Andy forgets everything he’s said in the last 24 hours. He invites Prue in but she says she can’t. She kisses him and tearfully says goodbye.

Qua   ke, because apparently even though she’s quit, Piper still wants to eat there. Her boss forgot she quit and demands she get back in the kitchen. Piper stands up for herself again and tells Martin to hire the people the restaurant needs or else she’ll quit. He easily agrees to her terms.

As she’s leaving the kitchen, Piper runs into Leo who has a strange feeling he should be apologizing for something. Piper laughs it off and offers to buy him a drink.

Prue finds Phoebe and tells her things didn’t go well with Andy. They hug and we AGAIN end on Shannon Doherty’s version of a sad face.

They need to pick up the creativity on beginnings and endings here.

 

Next time: Buckland the Person gets Prue an evil locket in Charmed S01 E09 – The Witch is Back.