Previously: Joey mutilated “On My Own,” and for some reason, this made people like her more.
—
Decisions
Democracy Diva: Shrine O’Spielberg. Joey is climbing in the window, as per their usual movie-watching routine, but Dawson didn’t expect her to show up after their awkward post-beauty-pageant encounter. He didn’t even rent any movies! For shame. Now that she knows Dawson’s being weird about this, she decides to also be weird, saying that she came by to say she … can’t come by. Then she word-vomits about how the television metaphor for their relationship is getting old, and every night they just do the same old things in Dawson’s “Spielberg-ized bedroom.” Dawson broods in response, and turns on the television. Joey rants about cliffhangers and how manipulative they are; Dawson thinks they keep people guessing, but Joey says they’re just proof that nothing ever really changes.
Kirsti: Will we get a cliffhanger, given that this is the season 1 finale?? WAIT AND SEE, TRAUMATEERS!!
Diva: Chez Grams. Grams is talking to Gramps about her day even though he’s unconscious and it’s very sweet. Jen overhears Grams saying that things are better between her and Jen now. Grams also mentions that Jen dumped Dawson, but still misses him. Sleeping Gramps is like, I know I’m in a coma, but even comatose people are bored to shit by Dawson Leery. (K: A+) Anyway, Jen walks in and asks how Gramps doing. No change – same coma he’s been in for three months. Jen touches Gramps’s hand and says goodbye, and all of a sudden Gramps wakes up out of his coma to say goodbye back to her, and she’s crying and everything is happy and I must be allergic to something in this room.
Capeside High. Jen is squee-ing to Dawson about how happy she is about Gramps being awake. She wants to go out and have fun and celebrate, even though it’s a school night. But Dawson can’t hang out with Jen, because he has plans with Joey. Jen looks broody about this as Joey walks by, looking really fucking weird. Like, even for her.
K: Girl, if you keep that up, you’ll need botox by the time you’re 20.
Diva: Fact. Pre-Botox Joey dazedly asks how to get a passport and Dawson laughs and is like, uh, why the fuck would you need that? Joey explains that she got a scholarship for a semester in France! Jen is so excited (you know, like a friend would be) and Dawson looks devastated. Joey hasn’t decided if she’s going to accept the scholarship yet, but she has to make a decision soon – the trip starts in two weeks. Then she peaces out, and Jen is basically like SHE SHOULD TOTALLY LEAVE AND THEN WE CAN DATE AGAIN, DAWSON! But with less obvious words.
K: My notes say, “GO TO FRANCE, JOEY. LEAVE THE GIANT FOREHEAD BEHIND.”
Diva: Excellent life advice from the Snark Squad.
Joey talks to Bessie about whether she should go to France. Bessie talks about how proud she is, and how their dad will be too! Because guess what, you have to go visit him in prison tomorrow for his birthday. They alternate birthday visits every year, which makes no sense, because that seems like something that would be much easier to do together once a year than alone every other year. (K: Welcome back, contrivance) And also, shouldn’t Bessie maybe visit him and bring the baby so he can meet his new grandchild? But contrivance needs Bessie to not go with her, I guess. Joey has no desire whatsoever to see her father, but Bessie insists.
K: I’m going to go ahead and give Bessie a “taking the parent out of parenting” tag even though she’s a sibling, because WHO THE FUCK SENDS THEIR FIFTEEN YEAR OLD SISTER HALF WAY ACROSS THE STATE ALONE TO VISIT A PRISON?!
Diva: Worst.
Elsewhere in Capeside, Pacey is riding his bike and gets pulled over by his douchebag brother Doug, the worst cop in America. Their father is looking for Pacey and he’s less than pleased about the fact that Pacey failed his midterms. In a reenactment of every scene they’ve had together, Pacey calls Doug gay and Doug calls Pacey a joke. We get it. These brothers have issues.
4 Hours Away From Capeside Prison. Joey thanks Dawson for coming with her to visit her dad. She hasn’t seen him in two years, since she found out about all the horrible shit he’d done to their family. Dawson asks about France, but Joey’s still not sure. Joey asks what Dawson would do if she left, and he replies “suicide,” but she insists on a real answer. He says he’d be happy if she’s happy. It’s not convincing, but it’s the right thing to say.
They arrive at the prison, and guess what? They missed visiting hours. Because they don’t know how to person. Joey’s arguing with the guard, to no avail. Dawson insists they can come back tomorrow, but Joey is unwilling to spend another eight hours on a bus. Understandable. Buses are the worst. But Dawson has a better idea, and we cut to a motel.
Motel Room of Awkwardness. (K: I laugh and laugh because it’s at The Loveless Motel) Dawson asks Joey, “are we sleeping left to right?” like they haven’t slept in the same bed eight thousand times before. He awkwardly volunteers to sleep on the floor but Joey tells him it’s not that big a deal. Dawson laughs it off, but then basically just stares at her while she tries to fall asleep. He says he doesn’t want this to affect her decision about Paris, but he would really miss her if she left. Joey says she would miss him too. He wants to have a Serious Talk about them but she’s not really sure how to do that. Dawson word-vomits for awhile and Joey asks what he’s so afraid of. He says he doesn’t know. Twice, for dramatic effect. Or because everything on this show is redundant, and it’s only been one season.
K: Meanwhile, can we discuss how FUCKING ENORMOUS this bed is?? You could fit half of Capeside in that thing:
Diva: Capeside Hospital. Gramps’s test are going well, and Grams knows it’s because of their daily prayer. Jen is less than convinced that this was really God’s work. Grams says God has a hand in all good things, and Jen starts to fight her before deciding that they shouldn’t go back to their old habits of bickering about religion. Because it would bore people trying to recap this episode. Thanks for looking out for us, Jen!
Prison. Joey convinces Dawson to come into the visit room with her, because she can’t face her father alone. (K: And apparently this prison has no fucks to give about who visits. Also, we last saw Papa Potter as a molesty father over on Angel!) Papa Potter makes awkward jokes and looks at her and he says she’s beautiful. “No, I’m not,” she mutters, like every word is excruciating. He greets Dawson, and says that he hoped Joey was coming and he’s so happy she’s here. She gives him attitude, so Papa Potter asks what SHE wants to talk about and she says “nothing.” He talks about how lonely he is and how much he misses his family, but Joey’s not buying that. He begs to know what she’s thinking. She says she’s leaving for France in a few weeks and the family he misses doesn’t exist anymore. Not for her, at least. With a sarcastic “happy birthday,” she leaves. Dawson apologizes and starts to follow Joey out, but Papa Potter begs him to stay and tell him about his daughter. It should be noted that whoever is playing Papa Potter is a terrific actor and making me care about him way more than I should.
Anyway, Dawson tells him all the wonderful things about Joey, the big things and the little things, with a big beaming smile. Then he gets serious when he says he doesn’t know what he’ll do if she leaves – “she’s everything.”
K: Dawson, dude. Do NOT have a revelatory moment while talking to your best friend’s jailbird father.
Diva: I’m going to add a “uh this is really not about you right now” tag, because I feel myself needing it quite often on this show.
Back in Capeside, Joey wants to know why Dawson is brooding when it’s her turn. Can I get a look at the Brood Calendar too, please, just for organizational purposes? Joey gives so much of her patented awkward shrugging as Dawson relays what her dad said, and lectures her about how she needs to deal with him. She insists that she can’t forgive him and won’t pretend that she can; Dawson tells her that she needs to say that to her dad. Joey brings up Paris and says she needs to start over, but Dawson says running away isn’t the answer. Joey asks him for one real reason why she should stay, and Dawson doesn’t say anything. So Joey gets into her boat and rows away, removing any seriousness this scene could have had.
At the hospital, we learn that Gramps has had another stroke and is in intensive care. Jen is absolutely unable to process this. Grams insists that God has a plan, but Jen can’t understand why Grams thinks her prayer can really change God. Grams explains that prayer doesn’t change God – it changes her.
K: Jen doesn’t need God. She’s got the best eyebrows in Capeside. Seriously, I get distracted by how great they are every time she’s on screen:
Diva: Excellent eyebrows, made even more impressive by being in an era that was not known for excellent eyebrows.
Cut to the restaurant, where Joey’s cleaning up after closing. Pacey shows up, trying to escape his insane family too. He asks Joey when exactly he became the town loser. Joey can’t carry on a conversation that isn’t entirely about her, so she says that at least his family isn’t an embarrassment, like hers is. Pacey asks how it went at the prison and she just glares. Pacey tells an incredibly depressing story about how he once struck out in a baseball game as a kid. His dick of a father called him a loser and a disgrace to the family and the town for losing the game. He overheard his dad telling this story to Doug and saying, “at least I have you.” Pacey never told anyone that story before, but he wishes he never heard his father say that.
K: BRB, having a million and one Pacey feels.
Diva: Joey says that maybe Pacey should talk to his dad, and tell him that he hurt Pacey. Pacey’s all, oh, and that’s what you did with your dad? Well, no. But she wants to go do that now. As in, right now, cannot wait for morning, must go immediately.
Joey asks Pacey to steal his dad’s car and drive her to the prison, and he agrees.
At the hospital, I’m gonna have trouble recapping this scene because I lived through it. Jen talks to an unconscious Gramps, wanting to know what she can do to bring him back. She just wants to help him and she can’t. She just wants him to smile at her and listen to her and uncomplicate her life like he used to, and I’m sobbing because that’s basically what I said to my grandfather on his deathbed so BRB TEARS FOREVER.
Prison. It’s the middle of the night and Joey wants to see her dad and the guard is like, dude, NO. Pacey asks for a word with the guard privately. They have a whispered conversation, and Pacey shakes his hand, and the guard says okay, come right in! Joey smiles and asks how much Pacey gave him. Twenty bucks! Good to know that a $20 bill is all it takes to infiltrate the American prison system. God bless the U.S.A.
K: LOLOLOLOLOL. I mean, I love Pacey Witter and his dubious solutions (Much better than Dawson’s “get a motel room” plan). But $20?? They must pay these prison guards worse than the guards in Orange Is the New Black!
Diva: Truth. All I could think about was the heroin/razorblades that would have been so easy to smuggle in this place. Back in Capeside, Jen climbs in through Dawson’s window and acknowledges that she usually uses the door, like a non-creeper. He asks about Gramps and she sort of laugh-explains that she’s losing him, in that hysterical way that you laugh when you’re afraid you’ll sob if you don’t. She says she misses Dawson; he insists that he’s right there, but Jen knows he’s half-here, and that’s her fault. She asks if she can sleep there tonight, just as friends, the way Joey does. Dawson says ok. AND THEN “ANGEL” BY SARAH MCLAGHLAN STARTS PLAYING BAHAHAHA. Thank God they picked the cheesiest song of the 90s/anthem of emotionally manipulative ASPCA commercials, because I was having way too many real-life feels and now I can’t take anything in this episode seriously. Anyway, Jen cuddles into him, crying, and Dawson could not possibly look more terrified. He tells her it’ll be okay.
Prison. Through the chain-link fence, Joey tells her father that he messed up (K: ONE CHAINLINK FENCE. ONE. That’s all that stands between these prisoners and the outside world. LOLOLOLOLOL). Not because of the crimes and the cheating, but because he missed out on the chance to know her. She tells him that she’s going to be fine, with no help from him. She just wants to ask him one question. She takes like eleven deep breaths and asks if he loves her. He bursts into tears and is like DUH OF COURSE. He apologizes and tells her that he thinks about her all day, every day. Fine, fine, I might be crying again, but just a little bit. Joey says she goes through every day thinking no one loves her and he tells her that’s not true. He loves you, and so does Dawson. She rolls her eyes, but Papa Potter is like, no, seriously. And you better tell him that you love him too – don’t wait until the one you love is dying, like I did. Joey puts her fingers through the fence and they hold hands. He cries and I cry and Joey makes a lot of awkward faces but doesn’t actually cry because Katie Holmes is not that good at acting.
K: Maybe she thought about the implausibility of the scene she was acting in, and couldn’t bring herself to cry as a result? Or the weirdness of her father being all “HEY, YOU SHOULD DATE DAWSON BECAUSE HE LUUUUUUURVES YOU.”
Diva: After Joey leaves the prison, “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain is playing, because a Dawson’s Creek season finale requires every cheesy nineties song imaginable. But whatever, because I still totally love this song. Joey rows herself over to Dawson’s house. We see him in bed, waking up with Jen stroking his face. They’re both fully clothed and on top of the blankets. I think they’re still in belts. Who could possibly sleep in a belt? Anyway, Jen thanks him for letting her stay there as Joey climbs up his ladder. Jen tries to kiss Dawson, but he starts to back his head away, just as Joey pops her head in the window. She sees them seemingly kissing, and runs away. Dawson starts to go after her, but Jen insists she’ll be fine. He puts his shoes on and says he has to stop her because she has the wrong idea about him and Jen. Jen wants to know if Dawson loves Joey, but he says he doesn’t know, and bails. He also uses the window-ladder to exit like that’s more convenient than just WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS LIKE A HUMAN. He runs out to the pier and yells Joey’s name.
Next door, Jen gets home and asks about her grandfather, but there’s been no change. Grams sees Jen’s face and asks what’s wrong. She begs Jen to come to church with her and open up her mind, but Jen refuses. Grams says she doesn’t have to go to church to pray. Jen just walks away. Upstairs, she looks at a picture of her grandparents on their wedding day. She holds it to her and cries.
Dawson arrives at Joey’s house, trying to track her down, but she’s sitting on the pier, brooding. Different cheesy music is playing.
K: It’s “God Bless The Broken Road”, because OBVIOUSLY. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that it’s not the Rascal Flatts version…
Diva: LOL. Of course it is. Anyway, Dawson tries to find her at the restaurant, but no dice. Cut to Jen’s phone ringing, with the news that her grandfather has passed away. Cut back to Joey and Dawson walking around separately, with him trying to find her. Spinny-camera is making me nauseous. (K: My notes say the exact same thing.)
Church. Grams is praying; Jen walks in and looks scared. She takes like four hours to sit down next to her grandmother. Grams prays that God will take care of the man she loves and keep him safe for her. Jen says “and me too.” Grams completely breaks down into tears, and I’m having more real life feels and really need some terrible 90s song to play or this will be the world’s most depressing recap.
Shrine O’Spielberg. After searching for Joey for hours, Dawson opens his closet door and finds her there. (K: Because the best place to hide from someone is IN THEIR CLOSET?!) (D: Only if you’re a creep!) He says he’s been looking for her everywhere to tell her what she saw between him and Jen was completely innocent. Joey says he doesn’t have to explain to her, because they’re just friends. He’s all, but we aren’t, and she’s all, all we do is overthink our relationship, and I’m all, COULD THIS BE MORE REPETITIVE?
Dawson tells Joey, “I know we know too many big words, but it’s a good thing to analyze,” which would be hilarious if I hated Dawson just a little bit less. It’s not even funny how much more I care about the Jen plot line than this one. Anyway, Joey says they’re in the same place as they were before and they need to grow up and move on. She doesn’t want to do this anymore. He asks if that means she’s going to France, and she calls it a cliffhanger because this show thinks it is so clever and meta, when it’s just exhausting. Joey says she’s tired of dancing around big words and she wants to be honest. Dawson agrees. She asks if they’re ready for that honesty and he says yes. Then she KEEPS FUCKING TALKING MORE AND MORE but Dawson is kind of not listening because their faces are way too close together for an extended period of time. Then the almost-kiss moment passes, and Joey starts to leave, realizing that Dawson will never make a move. But then he pulls her back and kisses her. Full on make-out sesh commences. You can see their silhouettes perfectly in the window in a super-unrealistic way.
K: My notes went from “Jesus, get on with it already” to “Ew, no, STOP” in the space of one scene.
Diva: And the episode ends.
I don’t think there’s a single conversation in this episode that didn’t rehash a million conversations that came before it, making this a truly mind-numbingly dull finale. Here’s to Pacey and Jen, the only two characters who have made this season worthwhile!
K: And here’s to the introduction of new characters, meaning less screentime for Dawson and his giant forehead!
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Find out if Joey managed to quit the forehead and go to France in S02 E01 – The Kiss.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
