Kirsti: I feel a bit weird in celebrating the end of season 1, because it feels like we literally just started it and now it’s over. Still, at the very least we should celebrate getting past Joey’s awful rendition of On My Own, so let’s have a dance party!
Yeah yeah, I know that’s technically a spoiler because it’s from season 2. But I feel like that’s exactly how Dawson, Joey and Pacey would react to our celebratory dance, so it seemed appropriate to use it.
Democracy Diva: Totally appropriate. I approve.
K: ANYWAY. On with the rankings!
- Double Date – I just love the Pacey/Joey stuff. I really do. Even though elements of it are kind of gross. DAMMIT, IS IT SEASON 4 YET??
- Beauty Contest – Okay, so there was that HORRIFIC rendition of On My Own. But Pacey was adorable and at least we FINALLY stopped having to put up with Clueless Dawson and his insistence that Joey’s just one of the guys.
- Detention – Sure, it was a total rip off of the Breakfast Club, but at least it featured Abby Morgan?? And it was pretty fun, rip off status aside. Also, this marks the end of the good episodes. Or at least the end of the stuff that I would willingly rewatch.
- Boyfriend – Mostly because it’s fun to see Dawson be completely tortured by the presence of another guy.
- Roadtrip – Pretty dumb, but I enjoyed the growing friendship between Jen and Joey.
- Decisions – This episode dragged on forever and was filled with contrivance and ridiculous moments (like Dawson just staring aimlessly at Joey for like FOREVER). But it was better than any of the episodes below, so…yeah.
- The Scare – There’s a post going around on Tumblr that says something along the lines of “Hearing lines like “Eleven’s the best, you’ll cry your eyes out” in Doctor Who is a lot like watching Steven Moffat masturbate.” This episode was a lot like watching Kevin Williamson masturbate. I mean, he basically recreated a scene from his own movie. As well as playing a scene from one of his movies in the background. It did not work well.
- Pilot – Everyone was a complete and utter douchecanoe. YAY. It’s only this high because the rest of the list sucked more.
- Dance – Seeing Dawson make out with a plaster cast of Joey’s head was not something I ever needed to see. The fact that the highlights of this episode were that they played Savage Garden and Gina G at the dance says a lot, really.
- Discovery – It automatically lost a million points when they turned Dawson into a slut-shaming asshat, but there was also a bunch of Pacey/Tamara stuff. Which, NOPE.
- Kiss – There are no words for how much of a controlling weirdo Dawson was in this episode. Plus, we had to see Pacey and Tamara boink. *gags repeatedly*
- Baby – HOW DID SO MUCH HAPPEN IN ONE DAY??? At least it marked the end of the pedolationship…
- Hurricane – Pacey/Tamara grossness, Doug pointing a gun at his teenaged brother, and Mitch being a complete and utter fucktard? NOPE.
Democracy Diva: Ranking Season 1 of Veronica Mars was impossible because there were so many amazing episodes. Ranking Season 1 of Dawson’s Creek was impossible for the exact opposite reason. Basically, my top episodes are ones in which Pacey did awesome things and was not being statutorily raped by his teacher.
- Beauty Contest – This is the ultimate in “so bad it’s AMAZING” television. Yes, Joey’s rendition of “On My Own” is horrific – more so because we have to listen to it TWICE – but it’s one of the most memorable episodes of the series. And Pacey’s Braveheart monologue alone earns this episode the top spot.
- Double Date – Even though everything Dawson does in this episode (and every episode) is terrible, the Pacey-sees-Joey-naked-by-the-truck scene is probably the show’s most iconic moment for me. Maybe because teenaged Diva wanted Pacey to see ME naked and react thusly.
- Boyfriend – This episode snags a high spot on the rankings solely due to Pacey’s reenactment of The English Patient to calm a fussy baby. Also, Jen wins, because when faced with the choice between a giant forehead and a forest of chest hair, she chooses neither. Smart girl.
- Baby – Bessie and Grams get some awesome moments, and also #sisterfeels.
- Roadtrip – Stupidly named episode, since they’re on a boat, and road trip is two words. But Joey got to humiliate Jesse the Vampire, so that was fun.
- Pilot – It was awkward, because Joey talked about hormones and dog-walking. Only made it this high in the rankings because so many more episodes were so much worse.
- The Scare – Kevin Williamson is way too obsessed with his own career. Also, this episode was majorly creepy, and not in an enjoyable-to-watch way.
- Decisions – Boring finale was boring and redundant and boring. But Joey’s dad can act, so that was something.
- Dance – So very much DUDE, NO.
- Discovery – One of the slut-shamiest episodes. Dawson, could you please stop being the worst for like, maybe five seconds?
- Hurricane – ALL OF THE CONTRIVANCE made this so difficult to watch. And everything that happened at Tamara’s House of Sex Crimes was the actual worst.
- Kiss – Our leading man earned the nickname of Dawson’s Creep by being THE CREEPIEST.
- Detention – One of the most iconic episodes, but you could not pay me to watch this one again. I swear I used to like this episode, but something about this re-watch just made it feel like torture.
So, Traumateers, how would you rank this delightful opening season of ridiculousness? Agree with us? Think Hurricane was the best episode EVAH? Let us know down in the comments!
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
