Previously: Everyone freaked out about the full moon, but no one turned into a werewolf. Lame.
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The Dance
Democracy Diva: We begin with Andie performing a flawless rendition of the Footloose dance for Joey, Dawson, and Pacey. It’s the greatest thing to happen on this show since Pacey’s Braveheart speech. I will take a moment to repeat what I say in every single episode, which is WHY ARE THERE EVEN OTHER CHARACTERS ON THIS SHOW BESIDES ANDIE AND PACEY. Oh, and Jack.
Kirsti: Truth. At least at this point of the show. Some of the other characters would be permitted to return at certain points, but Dawson would be gone forever if I were running this show.
Diva: Any-tangent, Andie is trying to convince the three least school-spirited kids on earth to go to the homecoming dance. They’re all like, but we would rather watch movies about dances than actually go to one! Andie is horrified, but manages to convince them to go to the dance because dancing leads to sex.
CREDITS, in which Andie and Jack do not get to frolic on the beach even though they’re better than all of these people. Also, how long do I have to pretend that this haircut looks good on Jen? Because it does not.
Bessie is dropping Joey off at school, so Joey can confess that Jack kissed her. Bessie’s reaction is to LOLFOREVER, and I like to think that’s because she knows the future. Anyway, Bessie advises that Joey just forget about the kiss, since she didn’t instigate it. Joey likes this idea, but then “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer starts playing, so you just know drama is afoot.
K: Bessie’s reaction is such a big sister thing to do and I love her for it.
Diva: Amen. Meanwhile, Ali Larter flirts with football players while Jen and Abby debate whether her breasts are just too big to actually be real. This is stupid because 1) Jen has way bigger tits than Ali, who’s probably just rocking a push-up bra and 2) wait, are you two friends again? I cannot keep up with their frenemy status. Which actually makes Abby and Jen’s relationship the most realistic high school friendship on this show. Anyway, Abby’s planning on going to the dance to steal some guy away from Ali Larter, but Jen is a big bag of nope on the whole school dance idea.
Dawson and Joey see Ali Larter and her boyf having a very public argument in the hallway, and they are SO DISGUSTED that anyone would ever fight in public. YOU GUYS I BET THIS IS FORESHADOWING! (K: The problem with the foreshadowing on this show is that they basically put a giant neon arrow next to it to draw your attention) (D: Accurate.) Anyway, Dawson wants to know how Andie convinced them to go to the dance, and Joey’s like, uh, SECKS. Dawson questions why they don’t talk about sex as much as they used to, and I think it’s because the writers were trying to give me a break from physically recoiling while blogging this show. But then Joey and Dawson both say the word “lover” and I’m cringing so hard I can’t even type.
K: Replace the word “penetrate” with “lover” and this was 100% my reaction to this scene:
Diva: But a great reason to use that gif.
Jen and Abby walk by, and Abby says something needlessly bitchy to fulfill her bitch quota for the episode. Joey thinks that Abby is a bad influence on Jen (which is true, but I don’t think Joey has actually seen as much evidence of that as the audience has). She wants to invite Jen to go to the dance with them, and Dawson thinks this is very sweet, but he’s worried it’ll just make Jen feel worse. Joey points out that Jen lost her grandfather, and they should be there for her. Way to go, guys – it only took you six episodes to realize that your friend is in mourning! Dawson walks away, and Joey sees Jack in the hall but runs away before he can spot her.
Pacey and Andie talk about her mom, whom Andie says is doing better. She changes the subject to the dance, and Pacey reveals that he doesn’t dance. At all. Ever. I don’t really buy this at all – it’s not like Pacey is shy. He entered a beauty pageant, for God’s sake. He performs monologues from The English Patient for fussy babies. DANCING is where he draws the line? Dancing, which could get him laid, according to the philosophies espoused by Footloose and this episode of television? I call bullshit.
K: Especially as I’m pretty sure he asked Tamara to dance with him the LAST time we had a school dance around these parts…
Diva: I guess I blocked that and many other pedo-tastic moments out of my brain.
Pacey and Andie banter-fight adorably, and when Dawson arrives she says she wants to invite her brother Jack to the dance with them. Dawson thinks this is perfect, because they can set Jack up with Jen! Pacey recognizes immediately that this is a terrible idea, because he has watched television before, and begs them not to do this, but Andie and Dawson are all NO IT’S THE BEST IDEA EVER!
Leery Manor. Mitch and Gail are on the porch, waiting for Dawson. They both speechify for approximately eleven hours without ever actually saying anything, because this family is bad at talking but great at filling up time in boring episodes. After a nine-hour-long prelude, they finally tell Dawson they’re going to spend some time apart. Dawson gets teary-eyed and lectures them on working it the fuck out. Mitch calmly says, we love you, but you so do not get to decide this for us. Dawson tells them that this sucks, and storms off. You totally get to be a brat about this, Dawson, because you are fifteen and your parents are splitting up and that’s hard.
K: My notes at this point say “Dawson Leery, King of Angst,” but yeah, he’s entitled to be a brat. His reaction did remind me of this though:
Except less bad-ass, obviously.
Diva: Obviously.
Andie and Jack are all dressed up for the dance and looking adorable. He mentions that their mom isn’t getting any better, but Andie begs him for a night off from all their home problems. He wants to bail on the dance, but she insists he could find the girl of his dreams tonight! He mutters that he already has, but Andie and the rest of us are distracted by Pacey pulling up in the squad car.
Leery Manor. Mitch packs up the car and reminds Gail that this is just temporary. She tearily asks if they’re still allowed to talk to each other, and he says of course. He says goodbye; she turns away and cries. Dawson watches sadly from the window as he gets ready for the dance. Gail sobs on the front lawn while Mitch drives away, and it is incredibly fucking depressing.
Dawson, wearing the world’s largest suit, goes downstairs and sees his mother quietly crying while chopping vegetables. This is giving me flashback-feels to Buffy crying while washing dishes, and I’m getting way too emotional. Gail insists she’s fine, but she can’t even look at Dawson. She just tells him to go to the dance, and so he does.
Dance time! Pacey’s satin shirt is maybe the greatest fashion moment in the history of the world. Dawson and Joey greet Jack and Andie slightly awkwardly, and then Jen shows up, looking amazing but making things even more awkward. In true teen movie style, every single person at this dance appears to be a 30-year-old professional dancer instead of an awkward, shuffling high school student.
K: YES. Not one of the extras in this scene is a plausible teenager. I went looking for a screencap demonstrating this and instead found this one which was very awkwardly timed for the poor girl in the bottom right corner. If I remember correctly, she was swing dancing, but here it just looks wrong:
Diva: Then, for some reason I don’t understand, Abby struts up to Jen, blows her bubble gum in Jen’s face, and tells her she has the same dress – in a smaller size. Wait, why are you suddenly enemies again?
Anyway, Joey and Jack bump into each other while dancing and are like OH NO EVERYONE CAN SEE THROUGH OUR BRAINS TO OUR MEMORIES AND NOW THEY KNOW WE KISSED. A slow song comes on, and Andie makes Jen dance with Jack. She even waves at them from the sidelines, in case they didn’t already guess that they were being set up. She takes a seat next to Pacey to talk about how cute they are. Pacey’s all, yes, very cute, but they don’t know each other and have nothing in common and this is going to blow up in our faces. I love that Pacey and Andie already argue like an old married couple. This conversation is basically the cutest.
On the dance floor, Dawson depresses Joey with his horrible home life. (I mean, I don’t blame him, but try and take your mind off of things for a minute, buddy!) He’s happy to see Jen and Jack getting along, but Joey gets crazy jealous and mad about it because she’s not good at emotions. Dawson wants to know why she’s so angry, and she’s like, I’m just having opinions. The music picks up again, and Andie asks Pacey to dance. He insists, yet again, that he doesn’t dance. Basically, Pacey’s all:
and Andie’s all:
K: A+ gif selection, girl. A+.
Diva: It just felt necessary.
Anyway, Andie insists she’ll find a guy willing to dance with her, and COME ON PACEY JUST DANCE WITH HER. Then, for some reason, we watch Ali Larter grind up on some dude for like an hour.
Slow song. Andie makes Jen and Jack split up, which doesn’t make sense given that she’s trying to get them together, but contrivance requires a way for Joey and Jack to dance together, which they do. Dramatically. Jack accuses Joey of avoiding him, and in two seconds they develop better chemistry than she and Dawson ever had. He apologizes for kissing her, and Dawson looks over, so you’d think he can hear them, but apparently he can’t.
Joey tells Jack that she has a boyfriend and now she feels guilty all the time even though she did nothing wrong. She storms out of the gym, and Jack follows her. He just wants to apologize, but she’s angry because he disrespected her. Jack is like, uh, that’s totally not why you’re angry. You’re pissed because you kissed me back. Jack turns around, and Dawson is literally right behind him. Jack scampers off, and Joey runs into the girls’ bathroom.
K: Dawson’s face when Jack turns around is HILARIOUS. The biggest case of “I will cut you” that I’ve ever seen:
Diva: Back in the gym, we watch Abby dance with Ali Larter’s boyfriend for no reason. Nearby, Jen tells Andie she’s going to head home. Andie is all NOOO but then Jack says HE wants to leave, and suddenly Andie is like GREAT! GTFO AND GO MAKE OUT ON A PORCH SOMEWHERE! But before Jack can leave, Dawson approaches him to find out what the fuck is going on with Jack and Joey. Jack actually blames the kiss on the full moon, and I scream with rage because THIS IS NOT A THING. YOU ARE NOT WEREWOLVES. STOP IT. (K: Again, this show would be much better if they were…) Jack says he’s not going to apologize because he’d kiss Joey again if he could, so Dawson punches him IN THE FACE. Abby is impressed because she has issues.
In the hallway, Pacey sees Ali Larter all by her lonely, beautiful, supremely-90s-baby-doll-dress-wearing self. He struts over (there is no other word for the way Pacey walks in this scene) and greets her. She’s pissed at her boyfriend for slutting it up with Abby and God knows who else, and pissed at herself for lacking the self-confidence to stop him. Pacey assures Ali Larter that everyone with a brain and an attraction to women would be thrilled to have her. She’s embarrassed, so he apologizes, but thought that she should know how much people love her. He wishes her goodnight and walks away, but she stops him to ask if he’s one of those guys who would love to be with her. He’s like, DUH. I’m waiting for her to ask if he’s still dying of a heart stripe, but it somehow does not come up. Anyway, Ali Larter tells him that while school dances are generally a mess, there’s always one moment that makes it all worthwhile. She asks him to dance, and he agrees. They slow dance right there in the hallway, and it would be sweet if I weren’t SO ANGRY AT HIM FOR NOT DANCING WITH ANDIE.
K: DUDE, NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Diva: Sad Mitch is sad and eating takeout at a motel. Sad Gail is sad and eating ice cream at home. He calls her, and they joke about the home shopping network, and for a second things seem almost normal. But she’s alone in their big house and doesn’t know if she can do this. Mitch says she has to, because even their giant house is too small for the two of them right now. She tells him that the door is always open; they say goodnight and go back to brooding separately.
Jack and Jen decide to leave the dance before Dawson can punch him in the face again. He apologizes to Andie for ruining her night, but she just tells Jen to take care of him. When she turns around, she sees Pacey slow-dancing with Ali Larter LIKE A TRAITOR and my heart is breaking at the look on Andie’s face. Pacey sees her, but she runs away before he can react. Meanwhile, Dawson is storming out of the dance and Joey follows him, insisting that they need to talk. She’s sorry, and she fucked up, and she doesn’t want him to blow this out of proportion and make it a movie scene. He tells her not to use who he is against him when she’s the one who screwed up, but she insists it wasn’t her fault. She wants Dawson to stop punishing her to make himself feel better; he can’t believe that even though she cheated, he’s somehow the bad guy. Of course, they are surrounded by people during this screaming match, just like that couple they made fun of earlier, see?!
K: Okay, but like, SHE DIDN’T CHEAT ON YOU, DAWSON. Jack kissed HER. He didn’t ask her beforehand, he just kissed her. She had no say, she did not give consent, she didn’t make out with him for three hours. NOT. CHEATING.
Diva: After the not-break, Jack walks Jen home. She notes that he really likes Joey, and he says he’s just a sucker for lost causes. She calls him a romantic, but he’s all, oh, you mean loser? They giggle, and she tells him to go home and ice his face. Before she walks in the door, she stops – half the scenes in this episode involve someone starting to leave, but then pausing for one or two more dramatic moments – and thanks him for showing her a good time tonight. He did a great job of pretending he didn’t want to be at the dance with someone else instead of her. Then she says goodnight, but stops AGAIN to tell him to keep fighting for lost causes. He smiles, waves, and walks away as Jen finally heads inside.
K: My Dawson’s Creek BrOTP is Jack and Jen, so I’m THRILLED that their friendship is finally starting to be a thing. Because of reasons.
Diva: Sad Mitch is creeping in his truck, driving by the house. He watches Gail through the window for a few seconds and then drives away. Useless scene is useless.
On the way home from the dance, Pacey and Andie run into each other. He tries to play nice, but she’s really upset that Pacey “I Don’t Dance” Witter was having an emotional slow-dance in the hallway with Ali Larter. Andie angrily says that they’re just friends and don’t owe each other anything, but Pacey insists that’s not true. He just got caught up in the moment with Christie. She’s a fantasy for Pacey, and he just wanted to act out that fantasy, just for a minute. That’s what Andie was trying to do all night – act out her fantasy, with Pacey. Pacey wonders why a girl as amazing as Andie would even like an insecure fuckup like him. She says, because you’re the only good main character on this show you’re funny and smart and non-judgmental and witty and all that good stuff. She starts to leave (this trope is already getting tired), but he stops her and apologizes. His moment with Ali Larter was all wrong, because he wasn’t with the right girl. He finally asks Andie to dance, and she says yes. They dance and banter and finally kiss, and I am the happiest.
The episode should obviously end here because these are the characters I actually care about, but of course we have to do some redundant Dawson/Joey drama instead.
When Dawson gets home, he finds Joey crying in the Shrine O’Spielberg. He wants to know what’s going on between them, and I want to know in how many consecutive episodes are they going to have the same exact conversation.
K: All of them ever. Also, Dawson needs to stop flaring his nostrils before they swallow the entire planet…
Diva: Joey repeats everything she said at the end of the last episode re: she needs more in her life than just Dawson. She starts to leave, but Dawson stops her (see? IT WON’T STOP HAPPENING. Just let people walk out the door. Or climb out the window. Whatever.) to say he loves her. She tells him she loves him too, and then starts to leave again.
Joey leaves, and Dawson keeps stuttering at her.
K: Which is ridiculous, because saying “I love you” doesn’t automatically fix all the problems in your relationship and make you not-broken-up-now. Surely, Dawson, on the day your parents separate, you should have some sense of that…
Diva: Joey climbs out onto the roof and looks back dramatically, with one hand over her face, and it looks as ridiculous as it sounds.
And then we watch Katie Holmes attempt to climb down a ladder wearing a short skirt and platform heels. JUST TAKE THE STAIRS. Anyway, Dawson starts throwing shit around his room and then finally climbs out his window, to see Joey running away at full speed. And then, in the stupidest moment of the show thus far, he kicks down the ladder from his window.
IT’S SYMBOLIC, GUYS. DO YOU GET IT?
K: Too bad he didn’t fall off the roof doing so.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Staying up all night studying leads to secrets being revealed and ALL THE DRAMA in S02 E07 – The All-Nighter.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
