Buffy the Vampire Slayer S01 E10 – It was all a dream.

Previously: Sid the Pervy Dummy reminded me a lot of Slappy the Dummy. More importantly, Sid was a hunter trying to find a organ harvesting demon. Also, Giles was in charge of a talent show.
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Nightmares

Lorraine: We open the episode in a tunnel, a shadow coming towards us – a pig-tailed shadow holding a stake. Clearly, Buffy.

She’s walking around and in a great shot that totally did not make me jump, the Master crosses in front of a pillar as Buffy crosses behind it. The Master grabs her from behind as Buffy wields her stake halfheartedly, obviously afraid. The Master pins her and moves in for the bite.

We cut away to reveal that B is dreaming. Her mother wakes her because it’s time for school.  Also, Joyce tells us that Buffy’s dad will be visiting for the weekend.

K: As much as season 1 is kind of ridiculous, I do have to admit I love the fact that Buffy gets afraid of things. Because in the future, she has a tendency to get very “It’s okay – I got this” about life. 

Lor: Awww man.

At school, Buffy discusses her parents’ divorce with Willow and it’s appropriately uncomfortable. Willow says all those Things You Are Supposed to Say, like how she’s sure the divorce wasn’t her fault. Buffy nods and agrees, voice conveying that she doesn’t totally believe it.

In class, Cordelia is at her desk, checking her make-up in a compact. Some random dude with a ponytail crosses in front of her and she chastises him for getting in her light. Xander is on hand to snark about Cordy being the center of the universe.

When Buffy and Willow get to class, Xander recounts the whole “Ponytail Dude got in Cordy’s light” thing and Willow wonders out loud, “why is she so Evita-like?” Buffy answers, “it must be the hair.”

K: Much like Bill Pullman’s hair in the late 90s and Patrick Dempsey’s hair today, Cordelia’s power (of bitchiness) lies in her hair. 

Lor: The kids chat a little about their previous night’s homework. I know that I should stop being surprised by the fashion in BtVS, buuuut it’s soooo hard. Buffy is wearing two plastic, flashing rings.

She’s talking about active listening and I can’t pay attention because I’m watching the rings flash.

K: I have honestly never noticed those. Thank you for drawing them to my attention! 

Lor: Anytime.

The teacher comes in and starts her lecture. Buffy drops her pencil and when she bends to pick it up, she notices that there is a little kid standing by the door. He’s got mopey-looking hair and he’s lit from above, just so we’re aware that he’s creepy. And sad. Buffy stares at Mopey as the teacher calls on Ponytail Dude to read something. When he opens his book, spiders come out of it and start crawling all over him. There are going to be a lot of nightmare bits in this episode and I feel like we should rate them on a personal creepiness scale.

Spiders Crawling All Over You Nightmare? 7/10.

K: For me, that’s probably also a 7/10. Because those are big freaking spiders, you guys. Even by Australian standards.

Lor: Buffy looks at the Mopey-Haired Kid by the door and he’s all, “sorry about that.” Roll credits.

The next few scenes are set-up scenes aka dull. Thankfully, I’m here to mostly spare you: The Meh-ster and the Anointed Onesie (K: Best. Nickname. EVER.) talk about fear being the greatest power of all. Joyce guesses that Buffy’s afraid her father will stand her up. Willow is freaked out by the spider thing but Xander doesn’t think it’s all that scary. “I’m unruffled by spiders,” Xander says. “Now, if a bunch of Nazis crawled all over my face…” Giles suggests the Scooby Gang go talk to Ponytail Dude about what happened.

Ponytail Dude explains that he loves spiders. He used to have a collection of them, but he went away to camp one year and his brother killed them all. Since then, he’s had a reoccurring nightmare about the spiders coming to get him, much like they did in class. The entire time this conversation is happening, Buffy is eating a lollipop. Pigtails. A lollipop. What’s next? A binky?

Cordelia walks by and announces a next period history test. Buffy had no idea so she freaks and runs off to class. The test does not go well. Buffy doesn’t even write her name before time is up.

So, we are to assume that this is a personal Buffy nightmare, which is weird considering her previous disregard for school.

Being Unprepared for a Test Nightmare? 2/10. But I’m a horrible student.

K: Probably a 5/10 for me. Mostly because I would have been to class and so would have at least a vague chance of getting a passing grade.

Lor: We cut to two random girls walking through the hall. One girl says she’s going to go down into the basement to have a smoke and Mopey-Haired Kid says that she shouldn’t go down there. Of course, she can’t hear him. When Smoker Girl lights up, a scary monster with a club for a right hand comes out of the shadows. He attacks Smoker Girl as we pan to a poster that proclaims, “smoking kills.” Har, har, har.

Giles and Buffy go visit the Smoker Girl (Laura) in the hospital. She looks rough but not as rough as dead, so that’s a plus. She tells them her monster attacker said “lucky 19” before the assault.

Out in the hospital hallway, Giles and Buffy ask a doctor about Smoker Laura’s condition and he says she’ll recover. There was another, earlier attack with the same MO. That victim was a small boy and he’s in a coma. That’s a lot of information for a doctor to be giving strangers.

K: For serious. 

Lor: Back at school, some Danny Zuko wannabe is talking about how he’s going to fight someone for honor. Xander and Willow appear in the scene right before Phony Zucco’s mom arrives, smothering him in kisses and and calling him pookie. He’s mortified.

Mom at Your School Nightmare? 1/10.

K: Yeah, that’s a 1/10 for me too. Mostly because mine used to occasionally substitute at my primary school, so it doesn’t seem that weird.

Lor: Xander and Willow walk to class and everyone laughs when they enter. Willow thinks it’s at her, but when she turns around, she sees Xander is only in his boxers. Xander runs away screaming. I feel like I like Xander better as a character now that I’ve seen his pasty, surprisingly defined chest…

K: Wait until season 2 when you see his pasty pretty much everything…

Lor: Good to know.

Buffy walks into the Wiggens Library where Giles is, well, wigging. Buffy asks if he’s found anything out about the strange goings on. Giles says he’s pulled some old newspapers but he doesn’t know if he’s found anything useful. Buffy is all, “say wuh?” and Giles admits that he suddenly can’t read. I’d nitpick about how he knew which newspapers to pull in the first place but Giles is really distraught over this illiterate thing.

Suddenly Realizing You Can’t Read Nightmare? 7/10. Reading is fundamental, yo.

K: For me, that’s probably a 9/10. Because what the hell would I do with my life if I couldn’t read books and blogs and emails??(Probably keep watching 90s TV shows. But that doesn’t pay very well. Or, you know, at all.)

Lor: Buffy picks up a random newspaper and sees a picture of Mopey-Haired Kid. It turns out, he’s the coma kid the doctor who was so eager to break patient confidentiality told them about. We only saw him from behind then, but I knew it was Mopey right away. I’d recognize that sad, middle parted hair anywhere.

Anyways, Mopey was attacked after his little league game. Buffy tells Giles about seeing the kid around school. Giles theorizes that while real!Mopey is in a coma, Buffy has been seeing his astral projection. Buffy notices that the number on Mopey’s jersey is 19. “Lucky 19,” Buffy says.

This connecting of the dots moment is interrupted by Buffy’s father Hank entering the library. He’s here early because he has something he wants to discuss with Buffy. They head outside and Hank says that he wants to talk to Buffy about the divorce, now that she’s old enough. On first watch, I kept thinking, “ooooh! He’s a cheater!” It’s a great misdirection moment.

Buffy is all, “you cheated?!” but Hank assures her that it was nothing like that. Buffy asks what then and Hank says, “it was you.” Buffy and I both are taken aback. Hank continues: “Having you. Raising you. Seeing you everyday. I mean, do you have any idea what that’s like?” And then a little more with, “gosh, you don’t even see what’s right in front of your face, do you? Well, big surprise there, all you ever think about is yourself. You get in trouble. You embarrass us with all the crazy stunts you pull, and do I have to go on?”

NO. JESUS. PLEASE STOP RIGHT NOW.

K: Seriously. No matter how many times I see this episode, this scene never fails to break my heart a little bit. 

Lor: He steamrolls on: “You’re sullen and rude and you’re not nearly as bright as I thought you were going to be… Hey, Buffy, let’s be honest. Could you stand to live in the same house with a daughter like that?” By this point, Buffy’s tears are free flowing. Hank says it’s embarrassing to have her “blubbering” when he’s only telling the truth. And for good measure he adds that he doesn’t get anything out of visiting her so he won’t be coming back. Buffy watches him leave, spots the Mopey Haired Kid, but then just looks away.

This is the first time all season I’ve felt anything for Buffy. This is truly the nightmare of any child product of a divorce, or even of any child who fears they’ve disappointed their parents.

Your Parent Gets Nothing Out of Seeing You Nightmare? Fuck it. 10/10. I love my mom and dad.

K: I hate the idea of disappointing anyone, so this is a 10/10 for me too.

Lor: Giles informs Xander and Willow that he believes Mopey crossed over into the nightmare world and then brought the nightmare back with him. Willow wants to know how that is even possible and the explanation is basically, “oh, you know. Hellmouth.” Mmmkay. They need to wake Mopey up soon, before the nightmares become reality permanently and everyone is facing their worst fears.

Cut to Cordelia looking at herself in her locker mirror:

Bad Hair Day Nightmare? 0/10. A scrunchie and some gel, girlfriend. Nice call back to Buffy’s earlier “hair” comment, though.

K: Maybe a 1/10 if it was that hard to get a brush through?

Lor: Maybe a 0.5.

Buffy spots Mopey-Haired Kid walking into the gym and follows him in. She gets to questioning, but Mopey doesn’t remember what happened to him after the little league game. When Buffy mentions “lucky 19” the kid freaks out, because that’s what the “ugly man” calls him. Before she can get anymore information, the Ugly Man appears and its the monster that attacked Smoker Laura. Buffy gets in a kick or two, but he’s too strong so she runs away.

Xander, Willow and Giles decide to go find Buffy, since she presumably doesn’t know what’s going on. Giles suggests that splitting up would be faster. Apparently, Willow is the only one who’s ever seen a horror movie, ’cause she says it’s faster but not safer. Word.

We get a brief glimpse of Cordy still living out her nightmare as two nerds drag her along the hallway.

K: To be fair, I’d put up much the same level of resistance if it involved me having to play chess. Because SNOOOOOOOOOORE. (Confession: I have no ability for strategy. When I used to play chess against my brother when he was in the chess club, I would last about five minutes before getting bored and just making random moves in the hopes that the game would finish in the next 30 seconds.)

Lor: Willow decides to go down into the basement where Smoker Laura was originally attacked. …WHY? While pretending that she isn’t afraid, a hand reaches out and grabs her.

Xander walks into a weird part of the school where there are plastic sheets hanging from the ceiling. There are also swastikas drawn on the wall, which is also a nice call back to his Nazi comment earlier. It lets the viewer know that Xander is walking into nightmare. He finds a trail of chocolate bars and it makes him happy. I’m not gonna lie- all it’d take for a murderer to get me would be a trail of chocolate bars.

Buffy and Mopey are still walking around as Mopey talks about how he lost the last little league game for his team. Buffy explains that there were 8 other dumb kids on the team as well, and he wasn’t the only one to blame. They spot Ugly Man coming towards them and cut through some nearby hedges. On the other side of the hedges it’s night time at a cemetery.

This next scene is great. We see Willow being dragged through a backstage area dressed in a kimono. I’m too culturally deficient to have known what that was about, but thankfully I has Google and Google told me the answer is “Madame Butterfly.” Some sort of stage hand is telling Willow he feared she wouldn’t show up, and that it’s a harsh crowd. A stage announcer says, “all the way from Firenze, Italy, the one and only Aldo Gianfranco! And all the way from Sunnydale, California, the world’s finest soprano, Willow Rosenberg!” Willow says she hasn’t even learned the words! Doesn’t matter. The stage hand pushes her out.

The presumed Aldo starts belting out a song and Willow has just got this great, wide-eyed, deer in headlights look going on. The spotlight lands on Willow and she asks, “my turn?” Aldo squeaks out a “mmmhmm.” Willow opens her mouth and squawks.

K: This scene will never not be LOL worthy.

Lor: Xander’s still following the chocolate trail when he spots a bar called a “chocolate hurricane.” Xander says he hasn’t had one of those bars since… he fades out as we start hearing maniacal laughter. Since his sixth birthday. Through one of the plastic curtains comes a clown and Xander screams. When the clown lifts up a big ‘ole knife, Xander runs.

Clown With a Knife Nightmare? 6/10. Mostly for the knife because I just don’t think clowns are that creepy.

K: For me, that’s probably an 8/10. But mostly because I think clowns are pretty creepy. This stems from my fear of pretty much anyone in costume with a painted face/mask on, courtesy of a trip to Disneyland when I was just old enough to work out that Mickey and Minnie had cartoon heads and bodies but HUMAN LEGS. Oh hai, Kirsti’s childhood trauma…

Lor: At the graveyard, Buffy spots a dug out, empty grave. The Master shows up long enough to make some threatening remarks and then throw Buffy into the empty coffin. It closes as the Master starts to bury her alive.

Being Buried Alive Nightmare? 10/10. There are seriously few things scarier to me than being buried alive.

K: Weirdly, that one does not very much for me. I’m sure if it actually happened, I’d freak the fuck out. But at this point in time? It’s like a 5/10. 

Lor: We see Willow leaving the basement to boos and flying fruit. Xander explains about the Murder Clown and they start running together. They spot Giles and he gets to running too. The pursuit goes on a bit before Xander gets all, “fuck this shit!” about it. He turns around, confronts the clown and punches him right in the face. He feels liberated.

The trio get outside, spot the suddenly appearing cemetery and enter it. Once there, they see a grave marker for Buffy. Xander asks whose nightmare this is and Giles nearly breaks my heart when he confesses that it is his. I’M SUCH A PANSY TODAY.

Giles kneels by the grave and delivers a heartfelt speech. I swear he’s about to cry too.

The moment is interrupted by Buffy Kill Bill-ing her grave up. Her hand shoots through the dirt, she stands up and shakes herself off. When she lifts her head, we see that she is a vampire.

UH. I did not see that coming. Also: vampirism does NOT look good on anyone. Willow is all, “girlfriend. Your face.” Buffy feels her face up and immediately deduces that she’s a vampire. She’s sad.

K: As much as vampirism doesn’t look good on anyone, I’m going to go ahead and give Sarah Michelle Gellar a round of applause for NOT lisping over her vamp teeth. 

Lor: A+.

Giles asks her to please help them wake up Mopey-Haired Kid so that things will go back to normal. Buffy agrees though she warns that they have to move quickly. She’s getting hungry.

Back at the hospital, everyone is wondering how they are going to wake up Mopey. Awesomely, Giles tries yelling, “Billy!” really loudly. He’s taken a book out of Jessica Wakefield’s book of curing comas. Astral projection Mopey appears and lets Giles know that isn’t going to work.

Ugly Man comes barreling down the hall and this time, Buffy is ready for him. She vampire growls and attacks. Buffy takes him down and even breaks his club hand. Mopey asks if he’s dead and Buffy says that he’s the one that has to finish him off. Mopey walks over and peels off a layer of Ugly Man’s face (?). This works for some reason I’m not going to question with two minutes left in the episode, and everything goes back to normal.

A man in a coaches uniform comes to Mopey’s room and is all, “how’s my lucky 19?” The coach is surprised to find Mopey awake and everyone puts it all together. This coach was the one that beat Mopey into a coma. Ugly Man’s hand was a baseball bat. GET IT? The coach is detained and arrested. All over a little league game, you guys.

K: The idea that there are people in the world who would beat a child into a coma over a LITTLE LEAGUE GAME completely creeps me out. Like, more than any of the nightmares they covered in this episode. 

Lor: Truth.

The closing scene features Buffy going off with her dad, who is all warm smiles. Willow asks Xander if he was still attracted to Buffy while she was a vampire and his reply is, “I’m sick, I need help.”

This has by far been my favorite episode of season 1 so far. It was a good balance of camp, humor and even a little creepiness. It helped me realize that I like these characters. Look at me! Liking things.

Strange.

 

Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Apparently if you ignore someone enough they’ll disappear! Something like that in S01 E11 – Out of Sight, Out of Mind.