Dawson’s Creek S02 E08 – Happy endings are bullshit

Previously: An all-night cram session led to an unsurprising lack of actual studying. But then the test was rescheduled anyway.
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The Reluctant Hero

Democracy Diva: Shrine O’Spielberg. Pacey is eating pizza and generally pissing Dawson off by noting that everyone in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is totally dead right now. After a discussion about how Dawson is Richie Cunningham Jimmy Stewart every nice guy in film/TV history, Jen stumbles in and collapses on Dawson’s bed, wasted. This scene basically just establishes that Jen is back to her hot mess Big City Girl ways, and Pacey likes pizza, because it’s yummy.

Kirsti: That Pacey. Always the sensible one…

Diva: After the credits, we get shots of some beautiful early fall foliage, even though it should be almost winter by now. But weather is to Dawson’s Creek as sunlight and souls are to Buffy, so we’re just going to keep complaining about how it makes no sense even though we really should be used to it by now. (K: A+) At the Leery Manor, Mitch is moving out and trying to be buddies with Dawson, who makes it clear that while a father-son relationship is fine, a bromance is off the table. Basically, Mitch is just trying not to lose his son in all of this, but Dawson is angry and standoffish. Again, Dawson tells him not to move out and again, Mitch says it’s not Dawson’s decision. Because why have a conversation once when you can have it, like, three episodes in a row?

Dawson opens the mail, and it’s… HIS LETTER FROM HOGWARTS!

Well, maybe. Cut to Pacey, who is talking to the world’s worst guidance counselor about his academic record. This counselor is the opposite of helpful and basically just says YOU’RE FUCKED! but in a lot more words. In the hall, Dawson excitedly tells Joey that they won a trip to Hogwarts Best Short Film in the junior division at the Boston Film Festival. In addition to this honor, they got a $2,500 check to fund their next film, and they’ve been pre-accepted to workshop said film. It’s a BFD and I would be proud of Dawson if it weren’t laughably ridiculous that his sea creature horror-turned-romance movie actually won an award, and a cash prize at that.

K: Exactly what my notes say. The competition must have been pretty thin on the ground if Dawson’s crapfest of a movie won anything other than audience LOLs for being so awful.

Diva: Anyway, he’s talking in “we” terms, and Joey is all, uh, who is the “we” here? He wants her to continue on as his producer, and travel with the film to festivals and all that jazz, but Joey declines. Between school, art classes, work, and awkward shrugging, her schedule is too full. He tries to talk her into it, but nope. Instead she congratulates him and they both fake smile.

Jack approaches Joey to try to make things right, but he talks about the full moon which we all know makes my head explode. And I also had to stop paying attention because this Shaq poster that I feel like Kirsti has pointed out before is in the background, and it’s too distracting for me to look at anything else.

K: I have pointed out several things in the background before, but not that particular poster. Which is a glaring oversight on my part, really. Because that thing is magical.

Diva: I guess it just seemed so ridiculous that I assumed one of us HAD to have mentioned it before. Either way, this poster is my new favorite part of this show that isn’t Pacey.

Joey admits that she really was mad at herself about the kiss, and just taking out her issues on Jack. He tells her he misses hanging out with her, which is sweet, but I can’t imagine why.

In the cafeteria, Dawson is typing intensely on his laptop when Jen sits down to join him. Instead of telling her about winning the film award, he just hands her the letter and the $2,500 check, because that’s what douchebags do. Jen is proud of him, but also wants more lines than just “HELP ME” in the next movie. You see, Dawson, women are actually three-dimensional humans, and not just helpless objects for you to rescue and/or ridicule, depending on your mood!

K: LOL. Oh, Diva. You’re so silly. We’re OBVIOUSLY just there to scream at opportune moments and generally make things pretty.

Diva: Pacey and Andie talk about his bullshit guidance counselor over lunch. Andie starts to go into this fantastic rage-monologue about how school systems dismiss students who don’t fit into a perfect mold instead of trying to reach out to them. She starts yelling loud enough for the whole cafeteria to hear, and tells Pacey he needs to be “rescued, not ridiculed.” He starts a round of applause for her grandstanding, and it’s cute. (K: SO CUTE. Although I got distracted again by the middle-aged nature of the extras playing high school students…)

Chris (the rich hot tub bro who slept with Jen in the last episode) and his buddy come over to Jen and Dawson’s table, and invite Jen to a Kegs and Eggs party that night. Even if I was cool enough to get invited to a party like that in high school, I so would not have had the energy to party four nights in a row, like Jen seems to be doing. Dawson judgmentally asks Jen what’s going on between her and Chris, and she tells him to stop treating her like she’s out of control when she’s just having fun. Dawson was being a judgey bitch, because that’s who he is, but Jen’s also projecting her own issues about herself quite a bit here.

Pacey and Andie rehash their “I’m a loser!” “No, you’re not!” debate, which isn’t as boring as every other redundant conversation on this show, because these people actually have charisma.

K: Especially as it includes Andie saying “I’m not coming to your pity party!”

Diva: Andie, you should definitely come to the pity party, because otherwise I will show up to it and steal your boyfriend. But the point of the conversation is that Andie wants Pacey to take control of his destiny and make himself into a hero. Meanwhile, Joey and Jack are flirting in the lunch line, and he asks her out on a date. He makes sure to mention that it’s not the full moon, so they should be fine. I rage internally.

Jack gives Joey an adorable smile, and then sits down to squee about his upcoming date to Andie and Pacey. Pacey looks less than thrilled by this news, which Jack assumes is because Pacey is Dawson’s best friend, and Dawson and Joey have all the issues. Andie talks about how their mom is doing much better on her new medication, but Jack is like, uh, that’s not even a little bit true. She insists she has it all under control, which is what all TV characters say right before it becomes clear that they have virtually nothing under control.

Dawson knocks on Joey’s door to give her half the prize money. I thought this money was specifically to fund your next film, and not to try and buy your girlfriend off or guilt her into producing your movie, but okay. Dawson says “my intentions here are honorable,” which no one with honorable intentions has ever said. She accepts the money and mentions that she has plans with a friend tonight. She also wants things to be normal between her and Dawson again, which like an episode ago was absolutely unacceptable, but now Dawson says he’d like that. He also wants his next film to be a love story, which ends with him getting the girl back. No shit. Anyway, things seem awkward but okay – until Dawson runs into Jack, who’s there for his date with Joey. DUN DUN DUNNNNN.

Mitch’s Bachelor Pad. Dawson’s trying to escape quality time with his father. Mitch asks about Dawson’s life, but he just gives two-word answers about how Joey dumped him and Jen’s probably vomiting tequila into a creek somewhere. Mitch wants Dawson to just respect his decision, but Dawson insists that’s all he does, respect other people’s decisions, and it feels like shit.

K: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Bitch, please. You don’t respect other people’s decisions unless those decisions give you something that you want. 

Diva: Mitch insists he’s not out to get Dawson, and hands him a key to the apartment. Dawson tells Mitch he doesn’t want a friend, he wants a father. Mitch says he’ll try to respect that, like this is somehow unreasonable. I don’t even know what this fight is actually about. Stupid tension is stupid.

Jen is polishing her toenails when Dawson stops by to score an invitation to the party that he was previously judging Jen for wanting to attend. Jen immediately translates this to “Dawson needs to party away his Joey issues,” and says he can come as long as he stops being such a judgey little bitch. He’s unsure about whether he can do that, because he has also seen this show before. They debate who will pick up whom, even though they live next door to each other and could probably just walk outside and look at each other. No picking up required.

Party time, in which Dawson considers dancing and mild drinking “the destruction of young America.” Chris and his Bro hand Jen a beer, and she heads inside to dance with them. Dawson stays outside to continue being a wet blanket.

K: Meanwhile, I find it very odd that Jen’s partying outfit bears a striking resemblance to something that Pam Beesley would wear to answer the phones at Dunder-Mifflin… 

Diva: Andie’s House. Her mom is gardening and talks about wanting to fix Pacey a sandwich, as Andie hurries him upstairs so they can study. Andie’s mom mentions Tim, so Pacey knows that things aren’t really as fine as Andie wants everyone to believe. In her bedroom, he sees all of Andie’s trophies and can’t imagine how tired she must be, taking care of her family and him and still managing to accomplish so much. She just kind of sadly says, “You do what you gotta do,” and it makes my heart ache.

Jack and Joey having a nighttime picnic, with bonus lightning. Jack tells a story about how he almost got struck by lightning once, but he thinks lightning is great, because it’s really easy to use as a metaphor. She mentions that she and Dawson once almost got struck by lightning together too, and then things get awkward because it’s kind of impossible for her to not mention Dawson when all her childhood memories involve him. She explains Dawson’s ridiculous life-is-a-movie philosophy as a defense for his behavior, which is utter garbage, but Jack takes it well and just says that he’d be upset if he lost Joey too. When Dawson punched him, Jack felt like Dawson was John Wayne, and I laugh forever at the idea that anyone could consider Dawson to be even a fraction as masculine as John Wayne. Anyway, Jack and Joey continue to exchange cute smiles and watch lightning and generally be adorable.

Destruction of America’s Youth Party. Chris wants to know if Dawson has had sex with Jen yet, and Dawson is all NO, SEX IS EVIL. Jen is a few drinks in and basically nuzzling everyone around her, and also her hair looks insane. Dawson drinks a Coke, because sponsors are important.

Andie and Pacey’s study session is interrupted by a phone call. Andie tells the caller not to call the police and she’ll come right over. Cut to the market, where an employee tells Andie that this can’t keep happening. She doesn’t want to call the cops because she knows how hard this must be, but this is apparently the third time Andie’s mom has wandered into the market. Andie’s mom is in pajamas, telling a group of strangers about her husband. When she sees Andie, she insists that she can’t go home, because it’s all over and it’s all gone. As Andie’s mom starts to panic, Pacey stays cool and starts talking to her calmly and casually. Is she here to get some groceries? Andie’s mom is upset and confused, but Pacey says it’s okay, let’s just pick out some marshmallows. Finally she gets lucid again, and says that she’ll make him a turkey and roast beef sandwich instead. Pacey calls her his savior, and puts an arm around her and walks her out of the market.

I may or may not be developing hay fever from this scene.

K: YUP. My notes specifically say “Pacey Witter, stop being perfect”. Except more capsy. Also, why the hell are all these asshats just standing around staring at Mrs. McPhee?

Diva: That bothered me too. What a bunch of tremendodouches.

Back at the party, Dawson spies Jen going upstairs with Chris and his bro. He follows her, knocks on the door to the bedroom the three of them are in, and then just storms in. He finds Jen, Chris, and Bro about to get their threesome on. Dawson literally picks her up and carries her out of the room (without giving her time to put a fucking shirt on), even as she screams for him to put her down.

She is drunk and looks like a disaster, but insists she’s having fun. Dawson is predictably bitchy and calls her disgusting and they fight about whose misery is appropriate: Dawson’s wet-blanket-melancholy, or Jen’s depression-turned-binge-drinking.

K: I think he’s bypassed bitchy and gone straight to slut-shaming. Because it wasn’t the drinking that tipped him over the edge into bitchiness. It was the threesome thing. And holy hell, dude, use your fucking words. Don’t pick her up and carry her out of the room and then call her disgusting and suggest that she’s hit rock bottom. WORST EVER. Also, it amuses me that in Capeside, rock bottom is drinking and a threesome. Someone should make Dawson watch Trainspotting…

Diva: Agreed. If he was worried that she was too drunk to consent, maybe he should have, you know, gotten her consent to carry her shirtless outside where everyone can see her tits! Also, Drunk Jen develops a tiny bit of a southern accent midway through this conversation for no reason at all. Then she pukes on a white picket fence, and talks about irony, and tells Dawson to accept that not everybody needs saving. It’s a shame because that is actually a lesson that Dawson needs to learn, but since the source of that message is currently vomiting, it doesn’t really sound all that convincing. Jen insists that she can’t be a good kid like Dawson, because she lacks his hope, which is what makes him special. He insists that Jen is special too, but she thinks he just wants her to be special. Jen’s too drunk to go home, so Dawson offers up a place nearby where they can crash. Congrats on your new place, dad – here’s a girl who’s going to vomit on your couch!

Jack walks Joey home, and they flirt and kiss. He wants to know if she’s going to stop talking to him again, but she says no because it’s not a full moon. LOLOLOL HILARIOUS just kidding I’m rage-puking right now. They cute-banter and say goodnight.

At Andie’s house, Pacey and Andie put her mom to bed. Pacey is worried about Andie, but she’s just proud of him for proving himself wrong and being the hero tonight. He wants to go to her bedroom, for studying reasons, but Andie thinks he’s talking about sex, because, you know, teenagers.

K: Probably because they also had to tone down Pacey’s perfect adorableness somehow.

Diva: It didn’t work. He’s still perfect and adorable.

Mitch’s Bachelor Pad. Dawson explains to his dad that he’s always had an idealized movie vision of him, and Mitch is like, well thanks, buddy, but I can’t really live up to that because I am a human person and not a movie character. Mitch wants to be Dawson’s father and friend, if Dawson will let him, and he agrees.

Dawson brings some water to a still-drunk, part-hungover Jen. She wants to know what his screenplay is about, because she’s unaware that Dawson has nothing to say except boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back. He says he doesn’t know how it ends, because he hasn’t finished writing it and also because it’s only episode eight of the season. Jen tells him that happy endings are bullshit and he shouldn’t write something bogus and unreal.

Shrine O’Spielberg. Joey climbs in Dawson’s window, but he’s not there.

She takes a moment to sit down on his bed and smile at his Jaws stuffed animal, and then leaves. But I thought Dawson kicked down the ladder in a fit of drama when they broke up? Maybe Joey can leap extra-high because she’s a werewolf!

K: I am totally on board with this theory. It also amuses me to no end that a) Dawson Leery is sixteen years old and has stuffed animals on his bed, and b) said stuffed animals are all Spielberg themed. As if he wasn’t already the opposite of masculine, they give him a bedroom full of stuffed toys. At least he has someone to cry to about his manpain. 

Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Andie runs for student council, proving just how ugly a small-town high-school election can get in S02 E09 – The Election.