Previously: Willow/Trina met Cordelia/Kendall and it was magical. Also Meg is pregnant.
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One Angry Veronica
Sweeney: Veronica stares broodily at her shitty school holiday-themed dessert. Duncan sits down excitedly, but Veronica’s got no time for happy and cuts right to the “Your comatose girlfriend is pregnant” chase. Duncan confesses that he found this out from reading Meg’s letter, and Veronica’s upset that Duncan didn’t tell her. Dick arrives to break the tension by inviting them to a big holiday party, which Duncan can’t attend. Dick also nonchalantly exposits that Meg woke up. (L: God bless Ryan Hansen for trying to make this exposition work.) Once Dick leaves, Veronica gets into PI mode, pulling out her VISITOR pass from the last episode, assuring Duncan that she can get them in to see the no-longer-comatose Meg.
Democracy Diva: And her superhero vampire slayer fetus that can survive explosions and bus crashes and comas.
Sweeney: Mayor’s Office. Keith is called in because the Aaron/Lilly sex tapes – copies and backups in separate safes – have gone missing. It’s clearly an inside job. In order to protect the case and keep Neptune Sheriff’s Department from looking like the shit show that it is, Keith is being called in as an outside, independent investigator to figure out who did it. Keith reluctantly agrees.
Hospital. Meg wakes up to find her baby daddy and his new girlfriend there. “Surprise!” she snarks. Then she breaks down: her parents want the baby put up for adoption at some place that sounds insane and like a license for abuse and they’re digging up history on Duncan’s blackouts to help fight him in court if he tries to assert paternity rights. Meg just wants to have her baby and move in with her aunt. A nurse comes in and yells at them, but Meg tells her to cool it. Duncan, however, says that Meg needs to rest, which is basically code for, “I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS,” given that Meg has been awake for about 30 seconds.
As they leave, Meg asks Veronica to stay a second so she can apologize for being rude to Veronica before the bus crash – seeing Duncan with Veronica while she was struggling with this secret got to be too much for her. Veronica assures her that she understands. Meg also begs Veronica for a favor: “If anything happens to me, don’t let them do it. Don’t let them send the baby away. And no matter what, don’t let them keep it.” Meg! Girl! Before the title credits which you’re not even in? You’re doing “being on a TV show” wrong.
Diva: I totally sympathize with Meg and her vampire slayer fetus, but what is Veronica supposed to do? Raise the baby herself? Meg hasn’t exactly left her a ton of options here.
Sweeney: I don’t think Meg’s really thinking options. I think she’s thinking that she’s desperate and Veronica’s the most competent non-awful person she knows, which another kind of sad.
At home, Keith asks about Veronica’s day and starts suggesting various foods to improve it (good strategy!) and Veronica realizes that bad news is coming. That bad news is that she has been summoned for jury duty.
True life: I really want to do jury duty. I have a flexible enough work schedule that it wouldn’t disrupt my whole life or anything and also DEMOCRACY AND SHIT. I don’t know. I always see TV people complaining about it an I’m all like “BUT ME! PICK ME!” Whatever.
Lorraine: The one time I got picked for jury duty it was during the week I was supposed to be in New York with you and other bloggers. This is what gives you a bad rep, Jury Duty.
Diva: I obviously would love to do jury duty because LAWS. But apparently, even if lawyers get called up for it, we almost never actually get selected, because we’re too good at convincing other people to think whatever we think about laws and stuff.
Sweeney: COME ON NOW, SUGAR!
Veronica arrives at jury duty and an older businessman takes the lead, asking if anyone wants to be foreman. With a lack of volunteers, he proposes that Veronica should do it in order to “learn about civic responsibility.” (L: But also because of plot.)
Sheriff’s Department for Losing Evidence Like Rosewood Teenagers. Sheriff Lamb lifts weights while outlining security procedures within the department. Lamb’s still awful, but he takes off his shirt and this scene and I am grateful for the view. (L: Mmm, mmm.) (D: +1) It sounds like things are pretty ship shape (in the department as well as Lamb’s body), and Lamb is uncommonly serene as he explains all of this and assures Keith that he will help in any way necessary.
At jury duty, the pushy businessman is asking if anybody feels there is even any need to bother with deliberation. Veronica stands up and says that she’s going to use her position as foreman to insist on a quick review of the facts. Everyone sighs and Pushy Businessman recaps that two wealthy frat boys picked up a young Hispanic woman. They hung out and did drugs (a grandmotherly woman chimes in to note that the weed and ecstasy were supplied by the frat boys) before going to a motel. The woman (with visible wounds in the police photos) claims that they threatened, assaulted, and raped her. Shots were fired but the gun was never found. Frat Boys insist that she was actually a prostitute and the assault and shooting were done by her pimp, a large black man. The woman has a criminal record, as do the black man they picked up and the woman’s ex-boyfriend. Frat Boys are clean and have no weapons registered to them. The motel owner testifies to seeing a black man fleeing the scene and Frat Boys have another witness who backs their story up.
Veronica has everyone write their votes and put them in a hat. Veronica Voice Over agrees with Pushy Businessman that the case feels pretty open and shut. Unfortunately, one member of the jury disagrees – 11 innocent and 1 guilty. Veronica announces that they’ll all be seeing each other first thing in the morning after all.
Sheriff’s Department for Average Looking Little Liars. (L: A+) Deputy Sacks reiterates Sheriff Lamb’s rundown of how super secure everything is.
Jury Duty. Veronica calls everyone to order and they grumble about how justice is super disruptive to their lives. Pushy Businessman asks if the holdout voter will reveal themselves and the grandmotherly woman from the day before, with her insistence on acknowledging facts and shit, raises her hand. Pushy Businessman asks her if “the racial stuff” is affecting her vote and like a total BAMF, she responds, “Is it affecting yours?” Pushy Businessman throws a temper tantrum, pounding on the table and leaping out of his seat like a petulant child because someone dared to make him consider his white privilege – around the holidays, no less! For shame.
When asked for any reasons to believe the woman’s story, Grandma BAMF barely looks up from her knitting as she says, “OK, here’s one: a ho that works her ass off all day at a car wash before hitting the streets – that’s just something I never heard of.” Veronica’s interest is piqued and asks the jurors to discuss.
Diva: I NEED A SPIN-OFF STARRING GRANDMA BAMF RIGHT NOW. She is FLAWLESS.
Sweeney: RIGHT, THOUGH?
Sheriff’s Department for Staying on Message. Deputy Leo strays from the pack when he comes in and confesses that security is actually pretty shitty there. Additionally, somebody probably realized that “good celebrity porn” would be very valuable on the open market. Also child porn. The episode never brings it up, but let’s not forget that central to why this is a Big Fucking Deal is that this is not only evidence tampering and a violation of privacy (a multi-layered violation of privacy – Aaron’s being the greatest, but the evidence-thief is guilty of this too) but also distribution of child porn, because Lilly was only 16.
Lor: Prior to this viewing, I don’t think I realized how this show fumbled a few key issues. This is insane to me that they don’t even acknowledge this.
Sweeney: This seems to be a running theme. I just had a conversation to this effect today in an earlier post. I think the show endeavors to tackle a lot of big things and while this often means that they do a lot of very impressive things, it also seems to find them fumbling a lot of the details along the way. It’s frustrating to watch them get so close to greatness but keep missing big shit like that.
Regardless, this whole “people pay for naked celebrities” angle hadn’t occurred to Keith prior to this moment.
Diva: Really? First of all, I refuse to believe Keith would be that naive. Second of all, why were the tapes copied and stored in different locations if not to prevent someone from stealing them? Obviously it was still crap security, but that step alone means someone other than the thief realized that these tapes were worth something besides evidence and disgustingness.
Sweeney: Keith phones his journalist friend, saying what he’s about to discuss has to stay on background. He asks if the journalist has heard anything about the leaked tapes. Journalist says that the evidence thief/child pornographer would have gone straight to the tabloids, but offers to call a tabloid friend of his to find out if she knows anything.
Normal is the Watch Word Restaurant. Veronica is bussing tables when Thumper stops by to aggressively interrupt her at work. He wants to know if Veronica and her 09er allegiances are going to allow two white boys getting away with beating up a girl from their neighborhood. Veronica tells him she can’t talk about the case because of laws she selectively follows. (D: A+)
Back at Racially Charged Jury Duty, Veronica is playing a security tape from the motel which seems to back up the motel manager’s story about a young black man running across the parking lot. Grandma BAMF chimes in that motel manager’s story also makes the Frat Boy narrative suspicious: motel manager claims that 12 minutes passed between the shots being fired and the man running away. Grandma BAMF wants to know why this hypothetical pimp would beat this girl and fire shots and then wait twelve minutes before fleeing the scene. The other jurors nod their heads introspectively. Except for Pushy Businessman/White Privilege.
Sheriff’s Department for Evidence Tampering. Logan comes into Keith’s investigation room, brimming with his usual sass. He does not know why Keith is there but snarks that he’s called down there weekly, so he’s stopped being surprised. He’s duly surprised and horrified, though, when Keith tells him about the stolen tapes. All the more so when Keith’s questions about things Aaron has recently said/done imply that Logan might be some kind of accomplice in this.
Keith doesn’t have time to respond because Inga interrupts to tell Keith he’s got a call from the journalist. Tabloid Lady has been contacted about the tapes and the bidding is now at around half a million dollars.
In Keith’s absence, Logan’s lying on a bench, so Sacks doesn’t see him when he leaves a binder with new information on the table, which Logan promptly rifles through and takes something from. (D: We hate on Lamb a lot, but Sacks is a fucking TERRIBLE cop. Dude. Be better at your job.) Upon Keith’s return, Logan gets to share his indignation over the implication that he’d help his shit stain of a father. Keith, for his part, takes umbrage with Logan’s general tone.
Back at yet another day of jury duty, Grandma BAMF suggests that they vote again. She just wanted everyone to take this case seriously and if a new vote finds that she still hasn’t swayed anyone, she’ll change sides. They do a hand vote this time and Grandma BAMF has acquired a black woman and Veronica herself in favor of continued deliberation.
That night, Keith returns to find that Veronica decked the apartment out hardcore. She also looks adorable and cooked. I buy that Keith came home pretty late himself, but this is a full day’s work right there, so I am suspicious. Over it, though, because she looks just that adorable. After they finish their Christmas Eve dinner, Keith hurries her into her bedroom for an early peek at one of her presents.
Diva: I still don’t understand who left those articles up there. Mac? Keith? Some random PCH-er? Vampire slayer fetus?
Sweeney: I’m betting Keith – I think VVO implies something to that effect.
After a Not Break, Veronica comes into jury duty the next day, trying to jog sports-minded memories about the guy’s name. Sure enough, one of the jurors is a sports radio guy and didn’t recognize the name until just the moment when the plot needed him to know this. He was a star athlete until he completely blew out his knee. Grandma BAMF is quick to chime in that it’s super implausible that the no-cartilage-having man was running and jumping over walls and shit.
Lor: Seriously, where was Grams when we were trying to figure out Lilly’s murder?
Diva: I’m voting Grandma BAMF for sheriff. Sorry, Keith.
Sweeney: Sheriff’s Department. Keith calls out to Sacks that the list of department email addresses he asked for isn’t in the packet. Sacks shrugs that he put it in there and makes no offer to get him a new one or do anything about it.
Jury Duty. White Privilege grumbles about the fact that Injured Athlete’s former agent is father to one of the boys proves nothing. All of this conversation does prove that Neptune’s public defenders are truly as terrible as Cliff says. It also, as Veronica says begs some interesting questions. White Privilege and some other middle aged dude are dubious about the idea that someone would really be willing to get paid off to do time on behalf of rich kids, but Veronica has 22 episodes of detective work to convince her. Plus, BAMF Grandma gets explicit about some of the assorted justice-for-whom themes of this episode when she points out that a pimp who slaps around prostitutes would probably get six months max. (D: 1430 for Grandma’s very realistic understanding of the penal system.) And V adds that it makes zero sense that this pimp came to rescue these two rich white boys in the first place. Sports Guy brings up the gun – that still can’t be tied to the defendants.
Veronica gets A-HA! face: the victim had a firearms rap and her probation would have forbid her from owning a gun. Veronica figures that after Frat Boys fucked her up, she pulled the gun, which scared them off. She had to ditch the gun, though, and she was too beat up to do it, so she called her boyfriend to do it for her – he’s the one on the tape. Process of elimination says the gun can’t belong to the boys or Injured Athlete, and this theory also backs up the gap between the shots being fired and the guy fleeing the scene. White Privilege is increasingly indignant about Veronica’s use of logic. (L: Privilege really hates Logic.)
Sheriff’s Department. Inga shows Keith an email she just received. He shows it to Sacks who’s all, “Oh, yeah, I got one of those. Whatever.” Keith asks for another copy of the department email list and then sits down to respond to the email himself. Someone is offering to buy the tapes for $50,000 and he’s responding to say he’ll take this price.
Back at jury duty, they watch the tape again. Nobody buys that anyone with a knee injury could be the guy on the tape and when she holds up the boyfriend’s photo, they all believe that it could be that guy. They take another vote and now it’s only White Privilege and his fellow middle aged white man voting to acquit the boys. He grumbles to Sports Radio that he clearly wants to miss another game. You know, as demonstrated by his joining the majority. Veronica is called into the judge’s chambers, and White Privilege brats that he’ll never vote to convict two rich white boys.
Diva: Also, Sports Radio is THE TODD FROM SCRUBS!
Sweeney: Excellent gif selection.
Sheriff’s Department. Keith gets a reply: “Sorry dude, I already have the tapes.” Keith mutters to himself, in an ECHO to an earlier moment in the episode: “That’s Mr. Mars to you.”
Jury Duty for Racists Who Try to Project Their Racism onto BAMF Grandmas. Veronica returns from her meeting with the judge who told Veronica that the jury wouldn’t be allowed to go home until they reached a verdict. It’s really too bad some people are letting “the race thing” affect their decisions, huh White Privilege?
This show has some stellar music placement throughout, but “Edge of the Ocean” by Ivy facilitates a truly haunting transition from that deliberation room to the Aaron/Lilly sex tape. I love this song but I still get chills when I hear it, even though it has been a few years since my last run through this show. Anyway, we see the same shots we’ve already seen and the camera slowly pans around to show Logan sitting on the couch sobbing. Eventually he gets up and takes the tapes out. And then he sets about destroying them.
Diva: SAD FEELS AND ANGRY FEELS AND FELONY FEELS. I has them all.
Sweeney: All the many varieties of feels are available to you here!
There’s a knock at the door and Logan answers, still bleary eyed. It’s Keith: “For that experience you paid fifty grand?” Logan lets him in and answers that at least this way the videos will never make it onto the internet. Keith points out that Logan has just done his father a huge favor, taking key evidence out of the mix. He asks how Logan managed to buy the tapes at a mere tenth of their market value and Logan says he has always depended upon the kindness of strangers. At first Keith laughs at the idea, but then zoomy cameraman zooms in on his idea face as he can think of ONE kind person in that office. Even though a sizable chunk of the force should still be his hires. And that one kind person isn’t among them. But it’s inconvenient to think about that now.
After everyone leaves, the black lady who first joined Grandma BAMF’s side pulls Veronica aside to encourage Veronica to apply to Hearst College, the fancy private school located in Neptune because fictional “small” towns California have this magical ability to fluctuate in size as the plot demands. I take this as official confirmation that Neptune is also on a Hellmouth. (But all the newly called up Slayers are really fucking good at patrolling. Or something.) (D: Meg’s baby agrees and thanks you for noticing all her hard work.) Anyway, Veronica jokes about how much she hates Neptune and also how she’s poor and can’t swing an expensive private school. This lady reminds her that financial aid is a thing and says she’d fight for Veronica to be there.
Outside, she finds that somebody wrote, “MUCHAS GRACIAS BITCH!” on her windshield. “Socially speaking, looks like I’m right where I was a year ago,” VVO says, before adding that she figures she won’t be super welcome at Dick’s Exposition Party. (L: Girl, you don’t want to be there anyway.)
Back at home she tells Keith (who is looking at tax reports) about the verdict and what it’s doing for her popularity. “It’s not always easy doing the right thing,” says Keith, by way of not being remotely comforting. “If that phrase isn’t on the Mars family crest, it should be.” As she heads back out to clean her windshield, he asks her what she can tell him about Deputy Leo’s family. She gets confused face.
Sheriff’s Department. Keith asks Leo into his temporary office and asks Leo to tell him about his little sister. His face lights up as he talks about this adorable ten-year-old. He adds that she has Downs Syndrome, which makes learning hard for her. Papa Mars asks if this is why Leo stole the tapes and Leo gets major Guilty Face and confesses. Sads. Deputy Leo points out that a bunch of people have seen the tapes and can testify to what was on them. Plus, he passed up much higher offers and almost returned the tapes until he saw Logan’s puppy face in the hallway and knew Logan just wanted the tapes destroyed. Regardless, Leo knows what is coming.
Lor: I wonder at him stealing the originals AND back-ups. He couldn’t stolen a set, made some money and the evidence would’ve remained in tact, right? I don’t get it.
Sweeney: THIS. It’s maddening. What the fuck, Deputy Leo.
Keith Voice Over reads his report, naming Deputy Leo, and speculating Logan got his hands on the tapes, though there is no evidence. We see Leo handing his badge back into Sheriff Lamb. Then he gets a phone call about something shocking.
Back at home, he tells Veronica about it: a blood clot dislodged and Meg just died. Her child, however, the improbable bus crash survivor, lived. It’s a girl.
Diva: She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is… THE SLAYER.
Sweeney: Head canon absolutely accepted.
VVO grumbles about the false hope and promise of a new year as she sits on the couch with Papa Mars watching the ball drop. He gives up and goes to bed a few minutes early, just missing the knock at the door. IT’S WALLACE! (D: YAAAAY!) They hug and then sit and watch the ball together, as VVO explains that she’ll “give this New Year thing a chance.”
Next time on Veronica Mars: With Meg dead, Veronica and Duncan have to figure out how to protect the Baby Vampire Slayer in S02 E11 – Donut Run.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
