Charmed S01 E16 – Very useful kicks

Previously: Phoebe was kind of possessed by the boogeyman in the basement.
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Which Prue Is It, Anyway?

Lorraine: Announcement: Despite my recent Twitter crusade to support her and get her some respectable trashy drama work, I’ve been spelling Shannen Doherty’s name wrong this whole time. (Shannon vs. Shannen). I apologize to Ms. Doherty. Also, in prepartion for my public apology, I checked out her Twitter. She’s currently working to save the dolphins, so probably she’s plenty busy and doesn’t need my Twitter support. Never gonna stop, though.

“Pop’s Gym.” Two men are boxing. Another man, with a very professional mullet, walks in and observes. Aggressive Boxing Man [ABM] knocks the crap out of Ow, My Face Hurts Man. Next, cut to Aggressive Boxing Man packing his bags. Professional Mullet finds him and says he’s a fan of his bloody boxing work. Apparently, Aggressive Boxing Man killed a guy in the ring one time. I wonder why people keep agreeing to fight him.

ABM tries to push by, but Professional Mullet won’t move until he gets what he came for– ABM’s killer instinct. He whips out a sword from his handy sword-hiding trench coat and stabs ABM, who falls to the floor. Professional Mullet  taps his word to ABM’s chest and some woo-woo light transfers to the sword.

Halliwell Manor. Piper tells Prue about some inventory she has to run at Qua    ke. Prue jokes that that’s why she gets paid the medium-sized bucks. And I get paid the no-bucks to recap it!

There is a large statue just near the living room. Prue asks what it’s doing there and Piper actually says, “we talked about it last night, remember?” Prue does remember! See, the storage facility they were keeping it in is too expensive. Phoebe agreed they should just keep it in the Manor. Majority rules. The ugly statue is staying. Prue tries to move it with her telekinesis but it’s too heavy for her power.

The girls hear Phoebe making hi-yah! noises in the living room. She’s got gloves on and is delivering punches and kicks to a dummy. When her sisters walk in, she’s all, “you caught me!” even though she was practicing loudly in the living room. She confesses that she was tired of having the passive power and decided to take martial arts lesson. I find this so amusing. A lot of shows never have their constantly-in-danger characters take these kinds of steps. In Pretty Little Liars, Aria just started self-defense after four seasons. Let’s see if this lasts for Phoebs.

The girls start roughhousing, but when Phoebe grabs Prue, she has a premonition of Professional Mullet killing Prue. Their stock shocked faces take us into the credits.

I AM THE SAHN.

None of the P’s got any sleep. Phoebe drew the sword used to kill Prue from memory, but hasn’t found anything about it in the Book of Shadows. Every time they make these kinds of comments, I expect the book to flip open of its own accord. That happened exactly one time so far. Prue comes down ready for work and her sisters think it’s crazy that she’s planning on going in. Prue says she’ll be on her guard and promises to come straight home afterward.

Buckland. Prue meets a Very Important Client (Claire says her family has more money than God) and listens to her talk all about her extensive art collection. So extensive, they keep it in a warehouse somewhere. VIC wants a sample appraisal that very day, and Prue is hesitant but after a stern look from Claire, says that she’ll be there.

Qua    ke. Phoebe runs in and exposits so, so much: Prue has left Buckland. She found the sword in the Book of Shadows and it belongs to the Lords of War, a clan of supernatural warriors who like to start war. Hence the name. The Lords are flesh and blood protected by their swords. When one of these Lords does a naughty thing, they have to win back their powers. We saw him steal some appetite for murder (or whatever) in the teaser and now he needs the magic of a first born witch, which is the strongest. I wonder if Alyssa Milano kept choking on that line. Piper’s going to ditch the rest of work so they can find Prue.

Prue goes to the art collection warehouse and impresses Very Important Client with her knowledge of old art. Things seems to be going swimmingly until Prue puts her arms in an old pillory, to appraise it with her wrists I guess, and she’s suddenly trapped inside. VIC introduces Prue to her brother and it’s Professional Mullet. He’s here to steal him some witch powers. Prue squints at her bonds and frees herself. Then she squints at VIC and sends her flying. She buries an axe in Mullet’s chest, but he is unfazed. Prue runs out and we watch her speed away in her car. VIC and Mullet need a new plan because unlike Prue’s ancestor Brianna, she uses her eyes to channel her powers, not her hands.

Manor. Phoebe’s found Brianna in the Book of Shadows. She was also telekinetic and disgraced Mullet by taking his sword. Prue snarks that Mullet couldn’t keep it in his sheath and now she’s marked for death.

  Phoebe keeps up with her exposition: Lords of War have to keep their sword with them at all times and Brianna was able to send Mullet’s sword hundreds of miles away. Prue isn’t that powerful, but luckily, the Book of Shadows has a spell for multiplying strength. Prue actually makes a, “so all I have to do,” statement, which of course means this is about to go wrong. First, though, Piper, as the most consistent voice of reason has to tell them it’s a bad idea. They ignore her and Prue walks away, saying the incantation, because… spells are better in the attic? Phoebe asks what the worst that can happen is.

OMINOUS STORM SOUNDS.

Phoebe and Piper run up to the attic. Prue is on her hands and knees, surrounded by those tinkly lights this show loves. After a beat, two more Prues appear. They all stand up and a lot of gawking takes us into a not!break.

The next morning, Piper and Phoebe are expressing the kind of frustration that is to be expected if you suddenly added to clones to your roommate situation. They don’t know which Prue is the Prue. An oddly chirpy Prue opens the bathroom door and says she isn’t to blame, since she didn’t cast the spell. The P’s identify her as a clone, though Piper says that as a Prue, she is definitely to blame. Chirpy Prue is all, “but no,” and smiles as she announces there is also no hot water. She flounces away. Piper calls this ridiculous situation “like the Parent Trap with a B-cup.”

Downstairs, the Three Prues are complimenting each other on their all black-super tight outfits.

Phoebe brings down three sweaters. She gives Original Recipe Prue the black sweater, chirpy-hair-tucked-behind-the-ears Prue the pink sweater and sassy-lots-of-bangs-in-her-eyes-for-some-reason Prue the blue sweater. The clones are going to stick around until their mission is complete and then they will disappear. They’ve already got things rolling, using Buckland’s records to track down Mullet. Plus their powers are stronger together, which hey prove by moving the ugly statue. Blue!Prue’s messy bangs and smokey liner are cracking me up.

The doorbell and the phone ring at the same time. Blue!Prue answers the phone, Original!Prue hides and Pink!Prue answers the door. It’s Andy, who has some tickets they ordered months ago that he wants her to have. Pink!Prue is really sweet and smiley and flirty. After Andy leaves, Blue!Prue slams the phone down (BECAUSE SASS) and says Claire wants them (her) at work pronto. Prue wants to take a Prue with her and dump a Prue with Piper. Phoebe and Piper do not approve but they are outnumbered. By clones.

Buckland. Original!Prue is hiding BEHIND A MAGAZINE. Pink!Prue checks in with their assistant who has the address to Mullet’s estate. She sends her off to do some busy work and both Prues run into their office. Claire shows up and is pissed that they lost Very Important Client’s account. Pink!Prue chirps that she’s going to stake her job on getting that account back. Claire says they’ll go to the estate together.

Pink!Prue calls Piper and asks her to get Blue back to the manor, where they are all going to meet up. Piper is kind of worried about their stupid plan, but Pink tells her not to worry. In the kitchen, Blue!Prue is seductively eating some spaghetti while two cooks watch her. Also, she’s so sassy, she can’t keep her cardigan up on her shoulders. I think it slides right off.

Piper breaks up the party and asks what’s up with the sexy spaghetti act. Blue explains that she’s a side of Prue that doesn’t get out enough. Guys, please don’t repress the side of you that wants to eat spaghetti with your hands and wear sweaters around your elbows. #PSA

Pink!Prue heads down to the garage. A smoke bomb goes off and it blinds her for a second (?). Mullet stabs Pink!Prue with his sword and waits for her soul to get sucked into it, but nothing happens. Meanwhile, Original!Prue doubles over in pain as Pink dies.

Morgue. Andy’s brought in to ID the body of a homicide victim. No idea why they would ask the detective to ID the body of a Jane Doe, but this is not my department. Andy is going through the personal items and sees the tickets to the music show he gave Prue.

     

Manor. Phoebe is getting her boxing on when the doorbell rings. It’s Andy who is crying. He breaks the news that Prue is dead. Her body was dumped, but investigating officers found some blood they think belongs to the murderer. Phoebe asks what color Prue was wearing and Andy thinks that’s a strange question. Phoebe insists and is relieved to find the answer is pink. Andy can’t even understand this reaction, so it’s handy that at that moment, Blue!Prue and Piper walk in. Andy is confused.

Original!Prue opens the door and Piper freezes time before Andy sees her. Phoebe explains to Original that Andy saw Pink at the morgue. Piper tells Original to hide, so they can deal with Andy first. Time unfreezes and Andy is confused. He can’t really argue with seeing Prue alive, but he’s clearly suspicious. As Blue walks him out, Andy asks if she thought about the tickets. Blue has no idea what he’s talking about and gives no indication that she remembers their conversation from that morning.

As Andy leaves, Very Important Client [VIC] watches him from across the street.

Inside, the Prues concoct a plan to sneak into Mullet’s estate and use VIC for leverage to see if he’ll trade a sword for his sister. Piper and Phoebe want to come along, but Prue says NO WAY because she wants to protect them. Episode 16 and these hippos still haven’t learned that the Power of Three is a thing, even though it was specifically mention in the Book of Shadows on how to defeat Mullet.

Mullet Estate. VIC is way too close to her brother’s face. Anyway, she saw two more Prues and wants Mullet to attack them at the Manor while they sleep.

Manor. Piper and Phoebe ask for a word with Original!Prue in private. Blue!Prue steps out into the hallway, but listens at the door. Piper and Phoebe convince Original!Prue that going to the Mullet Estate is too dangerous. They should wait for Mullet to find them and stand all together in their home where they are more powerful. It’s all agreed, but unfortunately, Blue!Prue has taken it upon herself to go to the Mullet!Estate and save them all.

We cut there. Very Important Client is tied up and in some sort of torture device this place luckily had on hand. Blue!Prue makes her “your sword or your sister” demands and there is a standoff right up until Mullet kills his sister. So, to be clear, the answer is sword.

Prue feels Blue dying. We cut to the Manor, where the girls think about a plan B and between them all they reason that since Mullet is invulnerable to the weapons of man they can use his magic sword against him. Prue hugs Phoebe for her part of the brilliant thinking and Phoebs gets a vision of Mullet attacking them at the Manor. The 3Ps get ready for his arrival.

Andy is back at the morgue where Pink!Prue’s fingerprints have been compared to Original!Prue’s. They are exactly the same. Andy asks the morgue attendant not to tell anyone about this.

Manor. Mullet sends a smoke bomb through the window but Prue is ready for him with sunglasses. She takes off running into the living room. In the dark, Mullet sends his sword flying into the workout dummy (Phoebe hasn’t finished paying for!). Piper pops up from behind the couch and freezes him. Phoebe kicks him which is hilarious because it’s like look! She’s useful! Her swift kick unfreezes him. Prue grabs his sword and then telekinesises it into his chest. He dies in a burst of light. Just as soon as he’s gone, Andy shows up and sternly tells Prue that he’s taking her to the city morgue.

Of course, when they get there and Andy pulls out the slab, the body is gone. All that’s left are Pink!Prue’s clothes. Prue doesn’t know what to tell Andy and he doesn’t know what he wants to hear anyway.

The next day, the girls are wrapping up the episode at Qua    ke. This includes a gift basket for Prue’s overworked assistant, Piper finishing up her inventory and Phoebe congratulating herself for her super awesome and very useful kick.

  They toast to vanishing clones. Prue says they are going to have to be extra careful around Andy as she wouldn’t put it past him to figure out her secret.

Cut to the LOLPD station. Andy’s got a huge file on Prue, including some things on witchcraft and black magic. He files away her fingerprints and the tickets he gave Pink!Prue.

 

 

Next time on Charmed: We time travel to the 1970’s. YES. See it all in S01 E17 – That ’70s Episode.