Previously: After Trey’s birthday bash went (unsurprisingly) awry, the boys had to scheme to keep him out of jail.
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The Return of the Nana
Lily: As with many episodes, we start off in the Cohen’s kitchen, because why else would we need to see other parts of their humongous house. Although, it’s a shnazzy looking kitchen.
Marines: If past episodes are to be believed they only have one guest bedroom. I think this house is just a kitchen, a pool house and like 2.5 other rooms. IT’S ALL A RUSE.
Lily: Seth and Ryan discuss potential Spring Break plans.
The phone rings, and it’s the Nana. She has good news! Seth offers to pass the phone to Kirsten who just walked into the kitchen, but like every daughter-in-law, she refuses to speak to her mother-in-law. Luckily, Sandy walks in and takes the phone.
Nana reveals that she’s getting married. Wait, what? That evil woman who was mad at the world is getting married? Yes, alas, it’s true. So guess what? The OC men are going to Miami! Though it takes some convincing to get Ryan to go.
Back at the McMansion subdivision, Seth visits Summer in an attempt to apologize for his previous jerky behavior. Summer being very astute doesn’t buy it and decides that they are on a break. If you’re a Friends fan, you know that this is disaster waiting to happen. Seth tells Summer he’s going to Miami to meet his new grandpa. Summer tells him “I don’t want to see you on a MVN special making out with someone”. Well, someone’s clairvoyant.
Mari: That or the writers on this show love the anvil of storytelling. Ahem.
Lily: Ryan goes over to Marissa’s to tell her he’s going to Miami with Sandy and Seth. Like any girlfriend, she’s a bit skeptical, but Ryan assures her, it’s not a spring break trip, but a family vacation. So they make out.
The men arrive finally arrive in Miami, and Sandy says “in the immortal words of Will Smith ‘Welcome to Miami’”.
Mari: I really, really love seeing Miami depicted in TV and movies. I’d like to be all, “what?! It’s totally not that cheesy and bright!” BUT IT IS. I mean, they don’t constantly have Will Smith playing, but otherwise.
Lily: Back in Newport, Carter tells Kiki that Newport Living saved his career. And by that he means that he has a new job. In New York. And he’s leaving. Like now. Well, on Monday. A dinner date ensues, but Kiki just invites him over to her house since she’ll be alone and even offers to cook!
Marissa goes over to Trey’s. She offers to keep him company/babysit him while Ryan’s away. And hey, we can hang out and go job hunting! As she leaves, Jess comes out of Trey’s room and starts to do some lines of coke off the coffee table. How was I allowed to watch this in high school?! I kind of wish my parents were more invested in my tv time.
Mari: And our reading time! Lily was actually one of the founding members of Snark Squad (then Childhood Trauma) so she knows all about the crap we were reading as children. Thanks mom and dad!
Lily: Oh, parents.
Back in Miami, the guys arrive at Nana’s retirement condo place. Seth finds his old friends – and old as in BOTH age and length of friedship – Abe, Stu and Stanley and immediately fits in with them. Both Sandy and Ryan are officially terrified at this. I wouldn’t be completely shocked by this. Some of us are just old souls that enjoy early bird dinner specials and early bedtimes.
Lily: I love how the Nana innocently flirts with Ryan: “Those arms!” What a cougar! Nana, you’ll have to get in line, there’s a bunch of us that want in on that. Nana’s so different now, she’s nice, and lovely, and pleasant. Here she drops the bombs: She’s getting married in June and moving to Sarasota where Sandy bought her a condo. Bobby, Nana’s fiance, is a chiropractor, and can open a practice there. Because, everyone can use a chiropractor anywhere.
Zach visits Summer, and she tells him that she and Seth are on a break. He invites her over to dinner at his place, and he’s going to cook for her. OhMyGawd, why are all these millionaires cooking? Why aren’t they out buying dinner and putting that money back into the economy? Please give me all your money so that I can teach you how to spend. I think I spend more time and money buying meals than they do.
Mari: “I definitely do,” she says while eating chips, while writing these comments, while waiting for her little sister to return with the dinner we definitely ordered.
Lily: After a shuffleboard game at the retirement condo, Seth meets Mary Sue (played by Lemon from Hart of Dixie) who is also on Spring Break and visiting her grandmother, Mary Ellen. I like when families have similar sounding names, it’s cute. After talking for a while, she mentions that she needs a new dance partner for a “dance show”, where the winner will get $5,000 for school. She really wants to win so that she doesn’t have to burden her grandma with her school loan debt. Seth agrees. So do I.
Trey gets a job cleaning toilets at the Bait shop. I’m proud of him. I wouldn’t want that job even if it were the only thing I’m qualified to do, which is kind of really true. He makes plans with Marissa to meet up later and celebrate with margs and guac. My kind of celebration! I wonder if there’s still some tequila left over from Jess’ visit earlier.
Mari: Or some coke! Wait, what?
Lily: Finally, Seth and Mary Sue arrive at the competition, except, it’s not a dance show. It’s a competition for MVN, the MTV knock off channel, where Seth has to lick whip cream off of Mary Sue.
Ryan hopes Summer hasn’t paid her cable bill, except deep down we all know it’s paid. He quickly calls Marissa to have her distract Summer and keep her away from all televisions.
Okay time to start panicking…
While Zach is cooking for Summer, he turns on the tv … guess what channel MVN! (Marissa, where are you? You’re really failing at your job.)
Sandy meets Bobby, his future stepdad. He tells him how his mom has mellowed and how he’d never imagine that his mom would fall in love. Bobby tries to be cool, but Sandy sees right through him, well, I mean c’mon, he’s a lawyer for pete’s sake! Plus, we’ve all seen those 20/20 episodes where the hunky looking dad-type seduces a grandma and takes all her money. Yeah, we’re smarter than we look. He tells Bobby he trusts him and didn’t run a background check, even though everybody was telling him to get one. But, Sandy concludes that his mother is smart enough to know if she’s getting with a conartist or not. Bobby seems nervous.
Kirsten and Carter have their farewell dinner… and it’s the most awkward non-romantic romantic dinner ever. Also, when did she learn to cook**?
Back at the competition, Ryan meets a guy looking for his sinning girlfriend. They’re from Bob Jones University (which is a real place!), where it’s against the rules to have fun, and show your body, and you will burn in hell if you do that kind of stuff. So, Mary Sue, it was nice knowing you, save us all a seat in hell, I guess. He also brought his bible study group to help beat up who ever is corrupting his girlfriend… though, they don’t really look like a bible study group but a bunch of meathead frat bros.
Mari: I’m betting they are really into the Old Testament.
Lily: Nana and Sandy have a dinner date with Bobby. But the jerk cancels last minute. He has to leave town because of a malpractice suit. He needs it to blow over before he comes back – this is also known as the “I’M DUMPING YOU” plan. Nana suspects that this is Sandy’s doing… because why wouldn’t you suspect your son of doing this? Before Sandy can even say anything, Nana leaves. Guilty conscience much, Bobby?
Marissa and Trey are drinking and doing drugs, respectively. And decide to go out for a walk. Because let’s run all over town when we’re in these conditions. (M: NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!)
Finally, the whipped cream eating competition has started. Seth is going to town on Mary Sue, you know, because he cares so much about her education. The final task in order to win is to eat a cherry out of the partner’s mouth. Well, duh, it looks exactly like they were kissing (and hey, they might have been). Sadly, Summer sees this and proceeds to do the same with Zach. But it’s okay, right because they’re on a break. And really, when it comes down to it, I think Summer won, because Zach is super hot. (M: Ew. I do not share this opinion.)
Sandy visits his mom and explains he was only trying to look out for his mom. Nana confesses she felt something was off with her new beau, but didn’t want to admit it to her self. She just didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone. I feel ya, Nana, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for a conartist. Pick Abe, Stu or Stanley! Or join OurTime.Com.
Mari: Beautiful advice. A+.
Lily: Back in Newport, many things are happening:
First – Kiki and Carter share a few confessions… Carter almost didn’t take the job in New York. You know, because he’s in love with Kiki and doesn’t want to leave her…. And Kiki confesses that the dinner was catered … **I know earlier in the post I asked when did she learn how to cook. I completely forgot that she catered this dinner. Ugh, #OCfanfail.
They kiss. And just like that, Carter leaves. Kiki gets depressed, I don’t know why because she’s married to a hunk. So she decides to drown her sorrows in alcohol. She runs out of wine, again, how is this possible, you’re RICH! So she turns to good ol’ Mr. Vodka. My alcohol of choice.
Second – Marissa and Trey’s walk along the beach starts off super innocently. Just some howling and general being annoying. And then, he tries to kiss her all while saying, “no one has ever been so nice to me: wah, wah, wah…” Marissa shoots him down saying that she’s only nice to him because he’s Ryan’s brother. Ouch. So if she would have met him randomly on the street, there is no way they’d even be friends. Good job, Marissa. (M: I mean, he does insist on stealing things and breaking laws…) That pisses Trey off and he knocks her down and tries to force himself on her. This was always difficult for me to watch, and even ten years later, I’m glad Marissa was able to overpower him by smacking the side of his head with a branch … and then later in the next episode something else (I don’t want to ruin it for you! So you’ll either have to wait for the next recap or watch the episode.)
Let’s finish off the episode in Miami. So Seth didn’t really get his butt kicked by the bible study frat guys, they just really believe in “an eye for an eye” and turned him into a human sundae. If you’re a little disappointed, that’s okay, I was too. But at least he’s just covered in whipped cream and not bruises.
While Seth goes back to the hotel and takes a shower, Ryan decides to check up on Marissa. In her scuffle with Trey, she ends up leaving her purse on the beach when she escapes from the attack. Trey hears the phone and reaches for it. He sees that it’s Ryan, but doesn’t answer it.
Next time: Seth and Zach vie for Summer’s affection on The OC S02 E22 – The Showdown.
I’ll be covering The Box Car Children franchise. I first read these books when my idiot brother brought them home from school. I read one of them because I had nothing better to do since our dad said we couldn’t watch cartoons until him or my mom got home from work. And since then, I’ve had an irrational fear of homelessness and freight trains… and sometimes forests (thanks a lot, Frank!). This is probably why I still live with my mom while I’m engaged. Because the fiancé and I are very careless, might end up popping out babies and then they’ll have to live in the forest and no one would want to adopt all eleventy of them.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
