Previously: Dawson rejected Joey and crashed a boat.
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Homecoming
Democracy Diva: Capeside High. Pacey is convinced he’s going to spontaneously combust, because he’s going to see Andie for the first time in months. Dawson asks if he wants some company picking her up, but Pacey says that Joey is actually coming with him. Dawson’s just happy Joey has someone to help her through their separate ways, or whatever. Pacey asks about the bus girl, who has conveniently vanished, being a figment of Dawson’s unimaginative imagination and all. Apparently, she was a “temp” stripper, which is definitely not a thing, so he had no luck finding her at the strip club.
Kirsti: Not gonna lie, I said “strip joints have temps?!” about two seconds before Pacey said the exact same thing.
Diva: Good to know we’re all on the same page.
Pacey says it’s a shame, since Eve was the perfect rebound. Pacey keeps talking about how awesome objectifying she would be, but someone pulls Dawson away halfway through the conversation.
K: No one does.
Diva: MY HEART IS IN MY HAAANDS
Back to the janitor’s closet. Eve confesses that she’s a senior at Capeside, and Dawson’s all, but, aren’t you like 40? They have some faux-philosophical rom-com bullshit discussion and make out some more. Then she leaves, and Dawson runs out after her, and gets dragged along by the arms by his dad and the principal. There is no reason at all for them to be half-carrying him down the hallway, but somehow, they are. They convince him to make a film for the upcoming pep rally.
Chez Grams. Jerky McPhee thanks Grams for taking in Jack. The doctors say Andie has made a full recovery, but with mental illness, you never really know. Grams tells Jerky that he did the right thing by moving his business to Capeside so that Andie can come back. Jack mentions moving his stuff back into the McPhee house, and Grams politely exits so Jerky can earn even less Sandy Cohen Eyebrows than usual. He tells Jack to stay with Grams – that it would be best for Jack, but Jack knows that’s code for “I don’t want to deal with my gay son.” Jack tells Jerky to GTFO, because Jack is the best.
K: My notes at the start of this scene said “Oh shit, we’ll have to find a new nickname for Jerky McPhee what with all this responsible parenting.” One line later, my notes say “Or not.”
Diva: Thanks for saving us from awkward nickname changes, Jerky!
Andie’s treatment center. The receptionist is yelling at Pacey that Andie isn’t scheduled to leave until tomorrow, and can’t get out today unless she gives written consent. The camera angles this season are very dramatic and strange, with head-on full body shots of people having conversations with each other, so we keep switching from one person’s perspective to the other. It’s…a choice. (K: I blame Kevin Williamson’s departure) (D: I was going to ask if there was a major director/producer change! But I knew Kirsti would know.) Anyway, Pacey can’t get Andie out because visiting hours are over, so he storms out. Joey drags him by the hand back into the building. She tells the receptionist she has to see a doctor RIGHT NOW. And if she can’t, she’ll sit with the receptionist and tell her about her life story. While Pacey sneaks in. Good teamwork, kids!
Diva: Dawson in the principal’s office, because the school needs a promotional film for the pep rally. Dawson is supposed to use footage of the football team – that never wins a game. The principal urges him to use the footage to show what could happen, not what did happen, and Dawson says the Nazis did the same thing. Dude, don’t even go there. This is not a good enough reason to bring up the Holocaust. Dawson sees Eve out the window and is all, fine, I’ll do it, let me just go make out with this 40-year-old teenager. Who I think is wearing a belly chain.
K: Literally all I could think was “And yet girls in 2014 are being sent home from school because their shorts being two inches above the knee breaks dress code…”
Diva: But dress codes obviously don’t apply to figments of sexual imaginations!
Outside, Eve accuses Dawson of still being into Joey. He’s all, giggle giggle YES/OBVIOUSLY I’M LYING THROUGH MY TEETH. She doesn’t believe him, because she’s elderly and wise to the ways of the world. She proposes that Dawson lose his virginity to her in a mind-blowing amazing sex romp. (K: EW EW EW) Except sex between two high-school students has never been mind-blowingly amazing, but whatever. She says things like dating and being in love are for small town people, and I roll my eyes that this Season 1 big city/small town stereotype thing is coming back. PLENTY OF PEOPLE FUCK IN SMALL TOWNS, YOU GUYS. (K: I mean, for starters there’s nothing else to do…) (D: And that’s why they also do drugs!) Eve basically says, I’ll let you know the time and place because I can find you but you can’t find me. Because I’m SO MYSTERIOUS. Also, bring condoms.
Pacey has infiltrated Andie’s hospital and knocks on her door. She’s wearing overalls and and is sitting on the bed, talking to a guy. Pacey gives her a big hug and twirls her around and it’s a little awkward for Andie. She introduces him to Mark, and it’s clear Andie is not as happy about this surprise as Pacey thought she’d be. Then she and Mark have this intimate little “we’ll talk later” moment. Even though she’s leaving tomorrow, she hasn’t begun to pack yet. I can’t decide if that’s the show being stupid, or a character choice about Andie not being ready to leave.
K: Probably a little from column A and a little from column B. But I also want to point out that Andie’s wearing the Overalls of Sadness, which never ends well in Traumaland.
Diva: After the not-break, there are cheerleaders abound. They’re cheering the lamest cheers ever about how the team can’t really win. Jack notes to Cheer Captain Jen that this is a hot disaster. Jen knows, and she’s trying to do the normal spirit thing, but all her cheerleader followers just want to be sardonic and self-aware. They’re even dressing like her. Welcome to the cheerocracy, Jen.
Meanwhile, a football gets fumbled and Jack catches it easily and tosses it back to the players. Mitch lectures the football players, who are an even bigger disaster than the cheerleaders. Another ball gets fumbled and again, Jack catches and tosses it back effortlessly. Jack and Jen cute-out together. A football player is trying to get on the team and I just realized that it’s Michael Pitt, who will always be best known to me as Tommy Gnosis from Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
K: Whereas I know him from Murder by Numbers in which he was totally creepy and also best murdery friends with Ryan Gosling. So…yeah.
Diva: Dawson is awkwardly buying condoms at the pharmacy. This straight-on, slightly fish-eye lens for every other shot is really fucking bizarre, you guys. Why is the audience’s forced perspective from the middle of the condom shelf? Anyway, the customers are all awkward and terrible and way more involved in this kid’s condom purchase than anyone on earth would be. Like they’re literally hugging him and describing intimately every type of condom imaginable.
It would be funnier if it didn’t feel like a scene from an entirely different show. I could imagine this happening in Stars Hollow, but not Capeside.
K: Very true, but I still laughed hysterically for like five minutes because things that embarrass Dawson Leery are of the good. Plus, I kind of want to give a slow clap to that lady for being all “MAYBE THINK ABOUT YOUR PARTNER TOO, YO”.
Diva: That lady’s slow-reach to grab herself a box of rubbers definitely made me giggle. You’re never too old to contract chlamydia!
Pacey and Joey pack up the car with Andie’s stuff. He asks about Mark, but Andie clearly is not in the mood to talk about him. Joey tells Pacey to drop the jealous boyfriend shit. He says he’s spent months waiting every second to see Andie, and this other dude got to spend all this time for her, and yeah, he’s jealous. Andie says it doesn’t matter because she and Pacey are together. And they kiss. Joey’s all, cool, let’s leave so I can stop watching you make out.
Mitch coaches the football team. Tommy Gnosis is all excited that he’s second string and now Jack is suddenly practicing with them. And is obviously better than all these morons. Also I could stare at Michael Pitt’s messy bangs and perfect eyes all day long. Jen and the cheerleaders applaud Jack because he’s awesome at all the things.
K: Obviously. Also, can we add Tim Riggins to this football team? I’d be a lot more interested in a season worth of boring football stuff if it involved Tim Riggins… Also if we replaced Mitch Leery with Eric Taylor, because he’s a decent human being and a responsible parent/surrogate parent…
Diva: Yes and yes. Tim Riggins and Coach Taylor are the only people on earth capable of making me give a shit about football.
Pacey, Andie, and Joey start the drive back to Capeside. Andie stares pensively out the window and says she’s happy to be going home, but it’s not very convincing.
After the not-break, Andie and Jack are at school and talk about how much they missed each other. It’s sweet. Pacey comes over and says he wants to take her out tonight for a date. Andie says they should do a group thing instead. Jack can’t, because he has to go to the pep rally. She says, let’s do that, and Pacey is all, nope please. He figures out that she’s kind of avoiding being alone with him. She insists that’s not true, but again, not very convincing. She gives him a peck and bails.
Jack and Mitch on the football field. Mitch wants him to join the team, since he and Tommy Gnosis had such excellent football chemistry, or whatever. Jack says, a gay kid on the football team? Too easy to ridicule. Mitch talks way too much about his own life and how meaningful this is, but it boils down to, Jack can help the team win and that’s good for everyone.
Dawson is unpacking his bags of condoms from the back of his car, and Jen of course finds the one that he dropped and makes fun of him. She’s appropriately surprised, but he insists he’s New, Sex-Having Dawson. She asks if he’s ready. Not just prepared with condoms, but like, capable of pleasing a woman. I laughed at how excited Jen was that Dawson finally asked her for sex advice, but everything else about this scene is cringeworthy to the max. Jen says it’s all about pacing and not going too fast and also kind of talks about cunnilingus but uses ice cream sundaes as the metaphor. This is a flawed analogy. And then she says something about whipped cream all over his face and I throw up all over the place everywhere for all time because this is the unsexiest thing of all time.
K: Seriously, it’s SO FUCKING AWFUL. Everything about it gave off a vibe of the writers screaming “Look how edgy we can be!!!”. But I did laugh over the bit where Jen implied that Dawson was sexless. That was great. Dawson the Ken Doll would nicely cancel out all that “you have genitals now” stuff from the pilot.
Diva: Sadly, I fear that nothing short of a lobotomy will remove that from my memory.
Pep Rally. Jen half-heartedly leads vaguely bitter cheers and is inexplicably wearing torn fishnets. Principal is all, thanks for the enthusiasm, weirdos. He gives a grand introduction to Coach Mitch, who introduce each member of the football team individually. Pacey, Joey, and Andie arrive (and Pacey and Joey immediately want to bail), and they realize school spirit has taken over their gang.
Andie realizes that everyone has gone nuts, with Jen cheering and Jack on the football team. And Mitch introduces Tommy Gnosis (fine, I’ll call him Henry) as the first-ever freshman starting quarterback. He trips and almost falls into Jen and they have a meet-cute that combines his Nick Carter hair with her crimped Rachel cut and it’s pretty funny.
K: This scene was so awkward. Like, I had second hand awkwardness from Henry’s awkward. And Jen’s hair is terrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible.
Diva: Epic social awkwardness was abound here. Also, I thought Season 2 had made me immune to how terrible Jen’s hair could be, but apparently not. Anyway, everyone is spirited, and Pacey hugs Andie close, but she’s uncomfortable. He asks again if they can leave to be alone together, and she again says no. He pulls her aside for a talk and Joey gives them one of her many patented awkward faces.
Mitch introduces Dawson’s film about the football team. Wait, did we even see him make anything? When did this occur? Whatever. A movie begins and Eve sneaks up behind him, ready for sex and stuff. She reminds him that she gets to pick the time and place. Really? How about having your first time be… lying down? Not at a school? Not within 100 feet of your father and literally everyone you’ve ever met? Not listening to me, Eve drags him away, and he grabs the condoms before they go.
Pacey and Andie fight in the hallway. He’s convinced she wants to dump him, and Andie says no, but that a lot happened this summer. She makes him promise that, if she has to talk about all this right now, he won’t say anything until she’s done talking. Andie wasn’t herself when she left for treatment. She met Mark, and he had been through everything she had and more. In and out of facilities, on and off medication – she didn’t tell Pacey about him because they were just friends, and she didn’t want Pacey to be jealous. Mark was able to share her fears because he had been through the same experiences as her. Pacey asks if Andie slept with him. She did, and she knew that it was wrong, and they agreed to just go back to being friends and not tell their significant others. But as soon as she saw Pacey she knew she had to tell him, and she cries, begging Pacey to forgive her. He just shakes his head and walks away. Girl, you asked for forgiveness a little too fast. First apologize. Then give him a little time. You can’t expect him to process and forgive that information in literally two seconds.
K: TRUTH. But also, I have feels for both of them.
Diva: Somewhere, Dawson and Eve undress each other and the movie plays in the background. Are they like, still on the stage? I soon learn that yes, they are. And they lean on a button, and the screen moves up and reveals them to the audience. Literally none of this makes sense. Everyone starts applauding as they see half-naked Dawson and Eve making out behind the screen. There’s a standing ovation and the band starts playing and streamers are thrown and it’s actually kind of funny.
K: My notes say “This is more ridiculous than Love Actually“.
Diva: Agreed.
The principal inexplicably looks impressed instead of angry. Dawson and Eve take a bow, and Mitch just shakes his head and laughs. BOYS WILL BE BOYS, AMIRITE? Everyone is super-proud of Dawson almost losing his V-card in front of the entire school…. except for Joey. Dawson catches her eye, and she just glares at him.
After the pep rally, they’re still on stage but everyone else is gone. Eve is STILL NOT WEARING A SHIRT AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY. She asks if he wants to like, fuck right on this stage, I guess? He’s all, nope. I don’t want to lose my virginity like this. She says she wanted to sleep with him because when she looked into his eyes and saw an old soul. Almost as old as her! Eve tells him her last name, which is supposed to seem significant. He asks for her phone number but she says he’ll have to earn it. She finally puts a shirt on and exits.
Pacey drops Joey off at home. She tells him that he needs to talk to Andie and hear her side of the story. Pacey is upset and just yells at her. Joey reminds him that they’re all 16 and they’re all going to fuck up a lot and they just have to forgive each other.
K: It’s kind of a great speech considering it comes from Joey, who frequently relies on questionable facial expressions and awkward shrugs. Also, Pacey looks like a kicked puppy in that last gif and I just want to hug him.
Diva: Back at school, Jen tells Jack that her fishnets itch and I laugh forever. Jerky McPhee is there and Jen is all, k BYE. Grams called Jerky to tell him to go to the pep rally, which is adorable. He congratulates Jack on making the team. He really thought he was doing what was best for Jack – that they were too different to live together. But he saw Jack’s football jersey, and saw himself in his son. Jack scoffs and says, that’s a fucking bullshit reason to finally be able to connect with me. (K: A+, Jack) Jerky says he’s right but he wants Jack to come home. Jack says no. GOOD FOR YOU, JACK. Jerky is all, well, I just needed to ask. Jack thanks him, and tells Jerky to ask him again sometime.
Andie broods on the Creek. Pacey finds her and says that he told himself not to come, but he’s here, because he owes her that much. He says it’s not about whether he can forgive her. He doesn’t think Andie realizes how much she changed him and his life, how beautiful what they had together was. When she got sick, Pacey realized that as much as Andie was the person who changed him, he might not be that person for her. And he can forgive her but he can’t forget what she did. She cries, and he gets up to leave. Andie says she still loves him, but Pacey just makes her let go of his hand, and says goodbye.
K: Ooof. Feels. But also, Pacey? That’s really not a nice thing to do to a girl who just got out of a mental hospital. I’m not saying he shouldn’t have broken up with her. Just that there are multiple ways of doing that and the way he chose probably wasn’t the best one.
Diva: I definitely had the same thought about the whole “leaving the mentally ill girl alone crying by a creek” thing.
Mitch and Dawson get home and see Joey sitting on the pier. Dawson approaches her, and she confesses that she’s drawn to this spot. He says they can’t go back to how things were, but Joey knows that. Seeing him with Eve kind of helped her realize how wrong it would be for them to get back together. He says they still love each other but they stopped needing each other the way they used to. She thinks it’s weird, and kind of sad, but true. She asks if they’re friends or a couple.
But I hope not. For my own sanity.
K: That makes two of us.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Someone steals a copy of the PSAT in S03 E03 – None of the Above.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
