Previously: Nothing makes sense and the Liars investigate a missing girl named Sara, who probably isn’t buried in Ali’s grave.
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Love ShAck, Baby
Marines: We pick up right after the last episode, with the girls hanging out at the mausoleum, the hot spot of all the young liars in town. Spencer has flipped through the journal and doesn’t recognize any of the names in it. Hanna says that Ali changed the names around, because she was the kind of girl who even lied to her own diary, or something. Spencer wonders why Hanna kept this to herself for so long and she tries to carefully explain that there is stuff in there that they may not know about each other or stuff they may want to forget. Emily and Spencer get snippy with her for keeping the thing to herself, but Aria calms everyone down. She asks if Hanna saw anything in there about Board Shorts, but Hanna can’t be sure because of the pseudonyms. Emily suggests each taking turns reading through the journal and weeding out the stories about them. She quickly volunteers to go first.
SHHHHH.
Emily has fallen asleep with the window open. A rookie mistake. The AliDiary is open on an entry titled, “Girl Crush.” “So girl crush kissed me today,” it starts. I see something more about Ali kissing back and something that could be “I definitely do” or “I definitely don’t have feelings for her.” (S: Snark Squad: Always giving you conclusive answers on things.) “How no one else has noticed this besides me is mind blowing. I may be more attentive to these sorts of things than most people but GC is so obvious about it that her eyes might as well be permanently glued to me. Funny thing is, if I hadn’t let her kiss me, she many have never admitted, even to herself what she really is. I better make sure she doesn’t think what…” End of page.
Emily wakes up and finds Alison at the window. She says she’s missed Emily, who replies with, “bitch, I’ve been here.” (Or something similar.) Alison knows she hurt Emily the most, but she wants to explain. Emily doesn’t want to hear it because Alison destroyed her. Alison sees her diary and says she thought she was being smart locking her secrets in journals, but “they” took everything. Emily asks who “they” is, but Alison doesn’t know.
Mari: And really, after all that, who cares about what Alison wants to be?
Alison seems relatively unshaken by Em’s response and notices that she still wears her Emily bracelet. An alarm sounds and Emily wakes up as sun shines through her window. The AliDiary is closed and next to her. She stands and finds that her Emily bracelet is safely tucked in her jewelery box.
Marin Manor. I’m digging this slightly darker hair on Hanna. I mean, she looks beautiful both ways, but this is me stopping to say, “she also looks beautiful like this.” Ashley is surprised to see that Hanna is up for school and not in her sweat pants. Hanna tries to make small talk about Ashley’s new job, but mom’s got wise words about how Haleb’s love was totes real and nothing can change that. Hanna cuts her off a second into the, “when your dad and I…” portion of the story and Ashley runs along to make breakfast instead.
Sweeney: I appreciate what Ashley’s attempting here, but the best way to deal with getting dumped isn’t to sit around talking about your parents’ divorce.
Mari: Spencer visits Toby. He was supposed to have a meeting with Shigbag Hastings, who cancelled on him. Spencer is relieved because her father is the worst and his willingness to help means they don’t know something. Toby, who very recently got into some trouble when he didn’t heed Spencer’s warnings is all, “NAH. IT’LL BE FINE.” Spencer looks at him like, “you are so lucky you have dem abs.” And indeed, they start making out.
Emily has the AliDiary at school and Ezra sees her and it and then leers at her like the mega-creep he is.
Sweeney: That’s his direction for 50% of the episode. His actual dialogue is pretty sparse but he gets a lot of screen time, almost exclusively dedicated to creepy leering.
Mari: He’s very good at it.
Aria is putting something in Ezra’s desk while he’s busy staring at Emily, thinking about killing her, or whatever. Aria rejoins Spencer in the hall. Spencer grills her about her pedo-lationship and everyone old or wise enough to realize this relationship is the absolute worst tunes out.
Thankfully, they soon join Emily outside and talk turns to the AliDiary. Emily admits that it was rough going at first, but now she wants answers, so she’s plugging through it. She’s worked out a color code system so they can mark which stories are about each of them.
Mari: Hanna joins them finally and they explain the color code system. Emily says she needs a break and asks who’s next. Hanna grabs the diary and hands it to Spencer, saying she’s better with the clues. Meanwhile, Creepzra is STILL STANDING THERE STARING AT THEM. The girls ask Hanna about Caleb and she tries to casually tell them that they broke up, playing like it was mutual. They try to ask her for details, but Hanna grabs the diary and distracts them with a poem Ali wrote about a bee. Aria realizes the entry is actually about the Busy Bee Inn, which the poem calls the perfect hideaway. Ezra finally moves on, as the girls decide to go visit the Busy Bee at six that day. And PSYCHE, Ezra was just moving location so he can stare at them from a different angle. He watches as Hanna puts the AliDiary in her purse.
Rosewood’s One Coffee Shop. Emily grabs her paycheck from a girl who was weirdly just standing behind her, holding it out, waiting to be acknowledged? IDK. When Em goes to put it in her backpack, she finds a note in one of the pockets. It says, “I want to come home. Meet me at our spot.” Nuh-uh, girl. Not without a time on that note.
Aria is wearing this band t-shirt with leopard print harem pants and a v-shaped red belt that makes me think of Wonder Woman. I have no idea what is going on. She goes to visit Ezra in his empty classroom (it’s only full when he has love confessions to make through thinly veiled plot summaries of books) and finds him hard at work on something he claims is the end of a story. “How I Terrorized the Youth of a City and Nary a Parent Noticed: A Memoir.” Aria breaks off their plans, saying Caleb and Hanna broke up and the girls made are going to get out of town and cheer her up. She couldn’t tell them she had plans with Ezra, because somehow we’re back to “secret relationship” square one. They talk about their relationship some more but everyone who realizes the trust we put in our teachers and public education system tunes out.
Our Spot. Emily is going to sit and wait because there wasn’t a time specified. On the side of the rock she’s sitting on, the girls once tagged EF + AD in a heart.
Spencer gets home and is leaving a message for her father with his secretary. Except, her father is in the kitchen talking to Mrs. DiLaurentis about something Jason doesn’t know. Spencer makes her presence known and Mrs. D tries to scurry off quickly. Spencer asks what Jason doesn’t know and Mrs. D admits that she’s getting a divorce and would like to tell her son in person.
One Coffee Shop. Hanna is standing by the counter when Travis wanders up and offers to buy her something. They chit chat about the latest news on CeCe. She made it all the way to Maryland on her broken leg, apparently, but the cops were too late to catch her. The cops say that a strapped-for-cash CeCe made a couple big deposits after Wilden’s murder, so they think someone paid her to do it. Travis amicably asks about Hanna’s mom and Caleb, all as she tries to hurry on out of there.
Sweeney: How did this kid learn about this before Hanna and the girls did? I’m very confused (per usual).
Mari: The Liars are too busy sitting on rocks and waiting at coffee shop counters to watch the news, I guess.
Spencer yells at her dad for having secret meetings with Mrs. D. She wonders if he was with her all day, which is why he cancelled on Toby. Shitbag calms down a little as he explains that he cancelled on Toby because he heard back from Radley. Mama Cavanaugh was on the roof with another patient, and she slipped and fell. It wasn’t a suicide, but it wasn’t a murder either. They covered up the accident to protect the other patient.
Emily is still waiting on a rock. Should’ve brought a book. She takes off her Emily bracelet and leaves it on the rock, looking around a few more times before leaving.
Spencer marches into One Coffee Shop and tells Mrs. D to stay away from her daddy! Mrs. D. is all, “oh honey,” but Spencer Hastings will not be Oh Honeyed.
Mrs. D has no words and leaves.
That evening, the girls are finally leave on their trip. Hanna’s being pissy. Spencer asks for the AliDiary and starts flipping through it, taking pictures of the individual pages. Emily lies to Hanna about where she was instead of at One Coffee Shop and Aria calls dibs on the diary next.
EZRA GOES TO MARIN MANOR. HE’S SUCH A CREEP, GOSH. He’s there under the guise of talking about Hanna’s failure to turn in school work and offers to work with her after school. Ashley gets a call on her new work phone and Ezra tells her to go ahead and take it of course using the opportunity to let himself upstairs.
Sweeney: I’m torn between, “STOP BEING THE GROSSEST UGH,” and the sweet feeling of vindication at watching him be the undeniable grossest.
Mari: In the car, Aria is looking over the diary. She thinks Spencer is “Human Cheat Sheet” but wonders who “Suzy Clueless” is. That’s a hard one. It could be any of them. Or anyone in Rosewood. Ever. Hanna is still pissed. The Suzy Clueless entry is about a cheating father and that still leaves 3/4 Liars. The rest of the entry talks about Suzy’s pink hair, so maybe pseudonyms are useless there, Alison. Aria marks the page in purple, since it’s about her.
Aria finds an entry about “Cradle Robber” and Aria wonders if Alison was seeing a younger guy instead of an older guy. Hanna is getting real twitchy now, which none of her friends seem to notice. I mean, Emily’s annoyed. Probably because Han keeps turning the music up while the GPS is trying to get them around some construction on their route.
Ezra finds Hanna’s purse and dumps the contents on her bed. The AliDiary isn’t there. He searches through her desk and then finds her laptop on and unlocked. The glow of the laptop lights his creeper face in the dark. Scariest thing I’ve ever seen on this show.
Sweeney: I hope the script directions simply said, “DIMLY LIT CHILD MOLESTER ABUSING THE PUBLIC TRUST.”
Mari: If so, NAILED IT.
It starts to thunder and lightening, of course, because the Liars are together and outside. Emily is a little lost and Aria notes that on her phone, there is no highway construction. Em’s car stalls and stops and none of the girls know their way around an engine. Hanna asks Travis to come and get them, but it’s going to take him a couple of hours. WHAT DO YOU KNOW they are right around Ezra’s cabin, though, so Aria lies that it’s her uncle’s cabin and they can wait there.
Ashley is finally done with her call and she finds Ezra waiting for her downstairs and not at all sneaking around her daughter’s things.
As the girls walk along, Spencer asks Hanna if she tore out a page from the AliDiary. Hanna denies it and says that knowing each other’s secrets won’t get them closer to Ali. So, like, yes you did tear out the page then, right? You’re bad at this girl.
The girls make it to the PedoLodge and Aria is really twitchy when the girls ask her questions about it. As Spencer starts the fire and Aria starts the tea, Emily asks why Spencer is being so hard on Hanna. Spencer thinks Hanna is hiding something from them. Aria yells at them all, “WE NEVER HAVE SECRETS. TEA ANYONE?”
Ezra is in his A gear as he creeps up to the cabin. We don’t see his face, but I’m blaming everything forever on Ezra.
Hanna finally comes clean about the Cradle Robber entry. It’s about her and Mike. We flashback to Alison just after catching Bulky Sweater Hanna with Mike, basically giving her a big fat, “EW.”
Mari: Hanna cries that Mike was really nice to her and Alison says it was only because he wanted to feel her boobs. And Hanna let him. Hanna cries more and begs her not to tell Aria. Alison says she won’t, but only because Aria will never forgive her. She tells Hanna that one day, someone is going to love her just the way she is.
In the present, Aria tells Hanna it’s not that big a deal, and really she’s surprised Mike kept his mouth shut for so long. Alison made him, obviously. Aria tells her there is no need to be upset over something that happened so long ago. Emily gently asks what happened with Caleb and Hanna admits that he left her for someone else.
EzrA keeps creeping.
Hanna is done talking about this and goes outside to call Travis. Emily follows her. They hear nefarious rustling one second into being in the woods and it’s a wonder why they even get near trees anymore.
Inside, Spencer and Aria enter a laundry room, looking for some blankets. EzrA locks them in there.
Hanna can’t get service on her cell phone but won’t turn back.
Aria and Spencer peak through the keyhole and see A walking about the cabin. They open the window and start yelling for Hanna and Emily, who run back to let them out of the laundry room. By that time, EzrA is gone and so too is the AliDiary. All that’s left is Emily’s Emily bracelet. OKAY, SO. EzrA planted the fake note for Emily, used that time to trick her GPS (?), got them near the cabin, all so he could steal a 15 year old’s diary? GET HELP EZRA FITZ. IMMEDIATELY. NO, ACTUALLY, YESTERDAY.
Sweeney: LET’S ALL REMEMBER THIS FACT WHEN THE CREEPZRA PLOT TAKES A U-TURN. I’m almost intrigued, actually, to see how the show tries to justify this insanity.
Mari: My guess is with romantical kisses.
Someone knocks on the door and the girls arm themselves with random things like pokers and wood. It’s just Travis, though, probably wondering why he just drove two hours for this.
Sweeney: I giggled a little because this was just so painfully awkward. Travis is all, “I don’t actually know what I’m supposed to do here, so, uh… I guess I’ll sit? Sure. I’ll sit.”
Mari: It’s been a weird night for Travis.
Spencer gets home and Shitbag Hastings yells at Spencer for speaking to Mrs. D. after he told her not to. He says that as long as she lives under his roof, she has to stay away from Mrs. D. Spencer gets Big Eyes and presumably an instant way around that directive.
Aria and Ezra check in with each other and he’s in his A gear.
Spencer shows up to Toby’s apartment with a bag.
Emily shows Aria the note from “Alison.” As they are discussing it they get a message from A with a picture of the Busy Bee Inn. He stole back the diary with all their notes and decoding. Emily freaks out about handing Ali to A. “Whoever finds her gets to keep her,” Aria remembers.
A-nonymous: A is tricking a GPS.
Sweeney: A re-routed and disabled Emily’s car! That’s the thread on which this episode’s entire plot hangs. This might be A’s best magic trick yet.
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Maybe Shana is Ali’s friend, I don’t know, in S04 E16 – Close Encounters.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
