Previously: The holidays, as usual, brought an abundance of family dramz.
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The Safe Harbor
GeGi: First off, like so many guest recappers, I have to admit this is the only episode of the O.C. I’ve ever seen. Everything I know about the show comes from reading Snark Squad posts, which basically means I’m pretty sure this is a show about Sandy Cohan’s Eyebrows being the paradigm of good parenting, and also trying to interpret what Ryan and Marissa’s expressions mean. (M: Damn, we’ve done a good job of capturing the essentials!)
ANYWAY, we open with the staring foursome drinking “mocktails” and having a meta conversation about winter break and the show – I mean school – starting back up.
Opening shots of California, in case you didn’t realize where the show is taking place.
Stage one of Operation Free Marissa (from Totes Awful Public School life, according to Summer) is Ryan talking to Doctor Kim. She basically lays out step by step how they have to do it: board hearing on Thursday, parent advocate, here’s the exact date of a previous case that will give you precedent for reinstatement… Completely usual information to have at your fingertips and pass on to a student, right? No? Whatever, it’s TV logic, moving on.
Marissa at the Totes Awful Public School, which throughout the episode seems to entirely consist of an outdoors locker/lunch table area. I guess they couldn’t afford more set cause they’re such a poor school. (M: A+. I’m pretty sure that’s all we’ve even seen of the “school.” Basically, they can bring their own lunch and stash it in a locker. Cool.) She’s talking to Johnny, catching up after winter break. He asks her to a PacWest party on Thursday. His recovery is going good, and he’s going to be back on the surfing team. I’m busy sensing future/past relationship drama with Marissa/Johnny/Ryan, because I’m good at TV, and have also read almost all the season one recaps. I’m guessing nothing really changes for season three.
Kirsten and Julie are at Some Random Restaurant, talking about the “epidemic of divorces” that’s happening. Julie runs off to talk to Neil about how they’re both lying to their kids about various stuff. I stop paying attention because they’re busy having awkward chemistry and I’m so not interested in seeing that happen on my screen.
Seth and Summer are at Totes Awesome Private School, discussing battle plans for Operation Free Marissa. They decide they need a leader for winning over the student body, and talk to Taylor. She’s super chipper and enthusiastic about helping them, right up to the point when Marissa’s name is mentioned. That is some epic face-fall right there, Taylor. But she rallies like a trooper when Summer calls her “part of our group”. Aw, poor Taylor, so desperate to be part of the foursome… I’m sure there’s some kind of back-story there from prior episodes.
Mari: Yeah, it’s basically just Taylor can be awful and doesn’t have an friends because also her mom is awful.
GeGi: When Summer and Seth leave, Taylor’s friends fill us in on why Marissa is a bad idea for Taylor: she’s a social rival, and Taylor’s mom – head of the PTA – started the partition that got Marissa expelled in the first place. Taylor declares such reasons to be “so last semester”.
Ryan is filling Sandy Cohen’s Eyebrows in on the past precedent for reinstatement into Totes Awesome Private School. The Eyebrows are impressed with Ryan doing his homework on the subject, but warns that it’s still a long shot.
Mari: I like that Ryan takes the credit instead of saying, “yeah Dr. Kim was passing by and conveniently gave me all the information I needed.”
GeGi: Good point. I guess he really wanted to impress those Eyebrows.
Lawyer to the Underdogs can’t resist when Ryan asks him to be the parent advocate, though. Head of the board is Jim Mercer, aka Judge Hardass, with whom Eyebrows has a history. I bet that’s going to be important later!
Ryan is telling Marissa about the plan. I LOL because even he can’t tell if Marissa’s surprise is “the good kind or the bad kind”. Girl, learn how to use your face muscles. She assures him it’s the good kind, but doesn’t tell him that the meeting conflicts with the PacWest party. I SENSE DRAMA AHEAD.
Summer is designing “Free Marissa” tees when Marissa comes to talk about her doubts about the plan. (M: The Internet is telling me the shirts exist though my quick search didn’t show anywhere I could still buy it. Sad.) (New future Snark Squad design?)
Summer has a Bad Friending moment because she’s so wrapped up in being a good friend getting Marissa back into Totes Awesome Private School. She blows off Marissa’s worries, telling her to just bail on Johnny, and walks out.
Kirsten and Sandy are in the Kitchen of Good Parenting (one of the few sets I recognize!). The boys pass through for a “talking the plot forward” family moment, and they’re all so cute together that I don’t even care. When they leave, Kirsten reveals the history with Judge Hardass. He once put the Lawyer of Underdogs into jail for six hours on a contempt charge just because he didn’t like Sandy’s closing argument.
Johnny is talking to Chili (seriously? Chili? There has GOT to be a story behind that name…) about needing to be okay’d by the PacWest doctor before they let him rejoin the team. Marissa comes up to tell Johnny she can’t make it to the party. He does the good guy thing of faking enthusiasm and support, and then being sad-panda in private. Aw, poor Johnny. Crushing on Marissa never ends well for anyone.
Mari: Being near or around Marissa and being Marissa never ends well either.
GeGi: Taylor, Seth, and Summer talk more strategy and battle plans, until Taylor’s Bitchy Mom comes to spoil everything. She drags her daughter away to yell at her in semiprivate, BUT! Summer read lips and translates for Seth. Taylor sad-pandas away, and Summer has Taylor-feels, but Seth is more concerned that now he won’t get to meet “The Button Guy”. Bad Seth!
Sandy is at work, with Slick Guy Coworker who’s name I never caught. SGC is talking about real estate deals and a P.I. he knows whom I’m headcanoning as Keith Mars.
Mari: Best, yes. Neptune wouldn’t be too far to go for Keith’s A+ services.
GeGi: This gets Sandy thinking out loud about digging up info on Judge Hardass, and SGC jumps on it. Sandy barely gives a token protest before letting it happen.
Ryan is bringing Marissa a Free Marissa tee at Totes Awful Public School. Cute idea, but I would NOT wear a tee with my own face on it. Super tacky. They’re interrupted by a phone call; Marissa tells Ryan it was Chili and she needs to bring him a book. She runs off and Ryan gets mopey “my girlfriend is hiding something” face.
Mari: Also, “I drove all the way to awful public school for this girl and spent two seconds with her.”
GeGi: The next scene, he’s back at his own school and asking Summer about his suspicions of Marissa. She admits there might be an issue, “but not an issue-issue”. It’s a Johnny-issue, which of course sets off Ryan. He tries to run away to sulk, but Summer stops him and does Good Friending by pointing out that caring about people is just how Marissa is wired and that’s why he loves her, and then continues to be awesome by calling out his punch-something tendency and telling him to aim them at Taylor’s Bitchy Mom instead of Johnny. Girl is focused on a goal, gotta give her that.
Marissa shows up at Johnny’s, where Chili is sitting on the bed and the room is trashed. Chili fills her in: the PacWest Doctor refused to okay Johnny’s busted knee, so he’s not on the team and basically that means he has no future? Something like that. Anyway, Johnny lost it and took off. Marissa is full of sads.
Mid-show shots to remind us this is California, set to moody music to remind us that this is a show about teenage drama.
The trio of Ryan, Seth, and Summer are sitting around the diner. Apparently without the help of Taylor and her school-clique connections, they’ve only gotten thirteen people to sign their Free Marissa petition. Marissa shows up to tell them she’s changed her mind: she wants to stay at Totes Awful Public School. Cue the Dramatic Fade To Commercial.
Next day, Marissa is trying to explain her decision to Ryan. As soon as she says Johnny’s name, Ryan gets all grumpy “fuck you” faced and aggressively listens to the rest of what Marissa is saying. They end up having a really passionless argument (that was an argument, right? I could barely tell…) and Ryan does his sulking away thing. Does this boy know how to leave a room without brooding/sulking/other-synonym-for-conveying-being-a-deep-tortured-soul-when-you-can’t-actually-emote? Curious minds want to know.
Mari: He does a lot of room leaving, too. This show is so bad at introducing a character to a scene for a total of 1-2 minutes before they walk away. YOU DID NOT COME ALL THE WAY OVER HERE TO TELL ME ONE THING, OMG.
GeGi: Sandy at work with Slick Guy Coworker. The P.I. (Keith Mars!) got the dirt. Short version: Judge Hardass has a druggy son who was kicked out of military school and hasn’t been seen since. SGC thinks this makes it an easy win by bringing up the past during the hearing, but Eyebrows has ethics and doesn’t want to publicize Judge Hardass’s personal pain. However, the information gives him insight, and can still be useful.
Seth and Summer are petitioning at school, but no one is stopping to sign. Summer complains how apathetic everyone there is, and decides it’s better to be feared than loved, and that they need to win back Taylor’s help. Somehow, this leads to her telling Seth to be Demi in Indecent Proposal. Don’t ask me how, I honestly didn’t follow her logic. She sends him off on his mission.
Ryan stops by to talk to Johnny. Since Johnny has legit reasons to be the broody one, Ryan goes for his only other acting option: irrational angry guy. Basically, he makes it clear to Johnny that he thinks Johnny is emotionally manipulating Marissa into staying at the Totes Awful Public School, because there’s no way a girl would stick around to support her friend because she wants to of her own free will. Having succeeded in making his girlfriend’s already depressed friend feel threatened and/or guilty, Ryan leaves. Why are we suppose to like this guy in a relationship again? He’s fine just hanging with friends, but he has some SERIOUS issues with romantic relationships.
Mari: I blame Marissa. (Sorry, Ryan > Marissa so much of the time, it’s a default setting.)
GeGi: Sounds fair, she seems pretty awful to relationship with.
Kirsten stops by Sandy’s office to drop off a lunch, and he tells her about the ethical issue he’s trying to figure out with Judge Hardass, and I’m only including this because these two are the best thing on my screen. I heart their marriage hardcore.
Back at Totes Awesome Private School. Seth tells Taylor he’s been given permission to offer her sexual favors in exchange for her support. Her response: “Anything else, you’d be facing a long night involving candle-wax, tube socks, and the new Fiona Apple CD. But Marissa? I can’t.” Whoa, girl, that’s pretty specific. I take it you’ve given this a lot of prior thought? Seth moves on like that wasn’t the weirdest conversation in the whole episode with oh-so-many implications I don’t want to think about, and tries the friendship card next. Taylor still refuses due to Bitchy Mom’s threats to take away her car and not pay for college. Oh, rich people problems, how I wish you were mine. Seth walks away in gracious defeat, after leaving her with the clipboard of only thirteen signatures as a last-ditch manipulation effort to get her sympathy and help.
The Trio of Team Free Marissa. They’re hanging out by the pool at the Cohen’s, waiting for the hearing. Marissa is MIA, and there’s basically an entire conversation consisting of nothing but more battle metaphors, most of them having to do with Napoleon and Waterloo. Clearly, their spirits are at a low ebb. Summer tries to rally.
Marissa and Chili at Totes Awful Public School. He tells her Johnny’s doctor pulled strings with the PacWest doctor, and he’s back on the team. He’ll be off touring and Chili is going with him, so with Marissa going back to her old school and friends everyone is getting a happy ending. Marissa almost makes an actual expression as she runs off to make it to the hearing. Johnny comes out of hiding, his sad-panda face making it clear that everything Chili said was a lie to appease Ryan by manipulating Marissa into not needing to be supportive of her friend. I’m betting this comes out as DRAMA in future episodes.
Mari: The thought of Johnny in future episodes is BLEH. This has been going on for so long. BYE JOHNNY, PLEASE.
GeGi: Back to Team Free Marissa, who are still sitting around the pool except now it’s suddenly nighttime instead of broad daylight. Seriously, WTF? I’m confused by the geography/passing of time here. Whatever, it’s TV-land. Time and place are fluid things there. The Trio – Summer included – is finally admitting defeat, which is the cue for Marissa to bound up like nothing was ever in question and tell them Sandy is waiting in the car to take them all to the hearing.
School Board Hearing. Slick Guy Coworker shows up with last minute info from Keith Mars/P.I. Guy for Sandy Eyebrows, which means he’s not present when the hearing starts. Bitchy Mom opens the hearing with a nasty speech about Marissa, but she’s interrupted by Taylor wearing a Free Marissa tee. Bitchy Mom tries to shut down her daughter, but Summer leaps up in support and Taylor reveals she got the entire student body to sign the petition to reinstate Marissa. Judge Hardass is secretly a honey-badger, though, cause he don’t care. Then Julie and Neal (who’ve had more awkwardly flirty scenes about what bad parents they are, but OH GOD I DON’T CARE ABOUT THEM) also stand in support of Marissa, and Judge Hardass continues to be Judge Honey-badger. Ryan then points out the previous precedent. This time Bitchy Mom channels the honey-badger, but this earns her a pointed “shut the fuck up” look from Judge Hardass, who admits Ryan as a point, but is still ruling a fail at reinstatement.
This, of course, is the cue for a dramatic entrance from Sandy Eyebrows, who starts speechifying about second chances and brings tears to everyone’s eyes, including Judge Hardass who clearly knows Sandy is talking about both Marissa AND his druggy son, but with the ethical tact of not naming names. Marissa is reinstated, to much cheering and applause.
Bitchy Mom gives Taylor Epic Cold Shoulder, and Summer basically adopts her as insta-BFF. Sandy pulls Judge Not-As-Hardass-Anymore aside, and tells him his son has been found, is safe, and wants to meet with him. Julie and Neal each finally tell the truth (living in a trailer park and other parent probs not coming back, respectively). Marissa and Summer are each like “NBD, see ya later, gonna to celebrate with my friends now”. Julie and Neal pat themselves on the back for raising such great kids, and decide they totes need a drink now. Ryan asks Marissa what made her change her mind about the hearing, and she repeats the story Chili told her. Ryan gets an expression of some kind and says he’ll meet up with them later.
At the beach, same night. Ryan finds Johnny, and acts all buddy-buddy while thanking him for lying to Marissa. Johnny, on the other hand, has clearly been crying about losing not only his shot at pursuing a career he’s passionate about, but also his friend/crush. Fuck you, Ryan. Be more sensitive and, like, get a grip on those controlling jealous tendencies. If Marissa wants to be with you, she will. End of discussion.
Mari: I sense an upcoming break-up. Again. I’m sure everyone can’t wait!
GeGi: The episode ends with a montage of the class photo-shoot set to music I’d probably recognize if I’d been paying attention to the radio during that era.
Thanks for letting me guest here, Snark Ladies! It’s been an honor. <3
Next time on The OC: Kaitlin returns to Newport (and baby Shailene Woodley is replaced by Willa Holland) in S03 E12 – The Sister Act.