Previously: Ryan almost quit his life to work on a boat.
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The Swells
Karina: Hoooboy it’s great to be back in this joint! More sentimentalisms at the end, onto the episode. Though, raise your hand if you’re as excited about this as I am. *raises her own hand hand*
Marines: I don’t know that I can match your excitement about the episode but it’s lovely to have you here so: *raises hand*
Karina: After the previouslies are over, Marissa is sitting on one of those beach guard houses in the night. (Is that what you call them? Never mind, I’m sure you get what I’m saying.) She is having flashbacks of fooling around with Ryan and almost getting raped by his brother so her night is going anything but swell. Then it goes faster like when you hit forward on your VCR or DVD player. She shoots Ryan’s brother (M: MMM WHATCHA SAY?), he looks at her and boom, Marissa wakes up in Summer’s bed all sweaty and confused. I hate those kind of dreams.
She gets out of bed to call Ryan and she talks to him about her dream because she’s scared. Ryan reassures her that everything is fine because Tray is dead and they hang up.
Summer woke up as well and talks to her best friend about her sweaty sleeping and all.
Ryan is meanwhile brooding in his bed, thinking about calling someone, maybe Marissa? But thinks better of it.
Mari: Because using your words is sooooo hard.
Karina: CALIFOOOORNIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! HERE WE COOOOOOOOMEEEEEE!!
Ryan is back in Harbor (I totally spelled that with a ‘u’ until I saw a sign somewhere later in the episode, whoops) and the Cohen parents are very excited about this, telling Ryan to not get into trouble. The parentals are happy about having the house to themselves again. Sandy informs us and Kirsten that he may have found a buyer for the Newport Group. This is exciting. I mean, Kirsten is excited. Sandy is concerned about her just walking away but she is ready to. And I agree.
Cut to school for elaborate morning walks-and-talks before actual classes. Seth and Summer are walking to school when Seth mentions that Ryan and Marissa haven’t broken up in weeks which is a small miracle. Okay, show, I like it when you’re self aware like this! But Summer says she smells a break up coming and this time it won’t be happy because of Marissa going to the Bermuda Triangle of Public Schools or something. (M: Poor people ruin everything.)
In the hallways, the twosome runs into Ryan who is all I HAVE TO STUDY ALL THE THINGS! Calm yo tits, man! Apparently, Seth invited Summer and Marissa over to the house this afternoon but Ryan wants to back away from that. Uh-oh.
In walks Taylor Townsend informing the three of them about some swanky school thing that’s mandatory and since Ryan can’t do any cuts, well, their fate is sealed. I feel like I just hung out with a male version of Taylor the other day and then blocked him on WhatsApp because ain’t nobody got time for that. Anyway.
Cut to School for Poor and Disgraced Children Alike. Marisa gets invited to a party before surfing on the beach because of seasonal changes? I don’t exactly know. Johnny, who’s girlfriend I like very much, can she maybe get her own show and also, I think I know her from somewhere but IMDB is telling me I don’t, and Marissa are walking to class talking about the important things Marissa Cooper talks about. She is also wearing a very, very loose and low cut shirt without a bra and it making me feel uncomfortable just watching.
Oh, she broods about her dreams with Johnny. To make the girl feel better, he offers Marissa something from the vending machine. Cute.
Somewhere in Newport, Julie Cooper-Nichol is meeting with the gold digging Jeri Ryan. I do remember her from my days of watching Boston Public but she was also Pete Lattimer’s wife on Warehouse 13 and starred in a couple of other shows. I have to be honest, in the beginning I hoped Charlotte was getting cosy with Kirsten because she was hitting on her but booh! Nothing of that sort happened but just a boring scam story. Meh. Next please.
Back to the lunch meet between two scammers where only one of the women knows she is currently scamming someone. A little first for Julie, I imagine. Wishbian Charlotte wants to throw a party for Julie and though she is reluctant to accept, you can tell she is thinking about it.
Mari: Because it’s a party. Parties are Julie Cooper Kryptonite.
Karina: At Summer’s place, she asks Marissa if she’s coming with her to Seth’s this afternoon and Marissa informs her that she was invited to the Maybe We Surf After Being Drunk Beach Party.
Marisa meets a wetsuit wearing Johnny at the beach an they talk about how surfing helps him sleep and get over this issues, whatever they may be. I get that, writing and running are my coping mechanisms of choice. And singing. Moving on.
Kirsten is making beef stew and it looks not good, I’m sorry. Seth snarks about him never getting to taste pizza again which makes Sandy snark back. I love Sandy Cohen! In walks Summer informing Ryan that Marissa is at the beach with Johnny. Ryan is not happy by the news and Seth reminds him not to hit the messenger.
At the beach, Marissa snags a sweat-jacket from Johnny, probably because looking at her not wearing a bra made him equally as uncomfortable as me. Just kidding, it is getting cold on the beach. (M: Sounds like an excuse to me…) He gears up for some info dumping about his sad story involving his father. They had a ‘fight’ and haven’t talked since then. Then Johnny says his father was a drunk and it sounds all too familiar. BRB having real feels.
So, Johnny beat his father with a baseball bat until he was unconscious, okay, I never did that. The tinkly feels music is playing in the background and Marissa has tears in her big eyes, patting the poor lad’s back. Then he says Marissa is the first person he told.
Just then his pretty actual girlfriend Casey parks her car and sees the two standing closely by the sunset and of course gets all the wrong thoughts because what this show clearly needs is more DRAMA! Not.
Summer’s house, she is waking Marissa and is annoyed that Coop never showed up at the Cohens. Summer thinks Marissa is cheating on Ryan but Marissa denies it. Yeah, she is only emotionally dating Johnny, same same but different in TV-Land. (M: And it always ends totally well!)
Marissa utters the four magic words of a impeding break up “He just gets me“. I’m sure he does *cough*
At Harbor, Ryan and Seth are schlepping supplies into the gym when Marissa walks in to apologise to Ryan. Again, they don’t really talk and it’s awkward and I want them to use their words but alas, that’s too much to ask for in such a universe.
Sandy meets the Newport Group’s buyer. Sandy is totally on board with the sale except for some low income housing pet project of his. He wants to see to it that they won’t get destroyed even if they don’t bring in money. The buyers inform him they want to keep Caleb’s legacy intact. Hooboy good luck with that. Also, I’m very afraid these are empty words from the buyers but whatever.
At the Gym for Sleepover Parties, Taylor gets visited by her mom. She calls the other kids Taylor’s prisoners and ahahahaha. Seth overhears the mother telling Taylor that she is just doing the whole shebang because she is lonely. Hit nail on the head and kaboom! The mother’s last sentence about Taylor’s figure endears her less to me though, not cool, lady, not cool!
Mari: I want to feel bad for Taylor but she’s so annoying. More than anything, I find her annoying. I hope that ends soon since they seem to be trying to give her a soul, or something.
Karina: At the beach, Summer and Marissa walk in to meet the Public School Kids. Then some very tan and muscular but unfriendly guys appear to hit on the girls and ugh. Disgusting. Then, one of the surfer asses plants the seed of doubt in Casey about Johnny’s faithfulness. Blergh.
At the Cohen house, Kirsten, Julie and my Wishbian meet, talking about Julie and Charlotte living together. They suggest a charity event for underprivileged women so they can go to rehab and want Kirsten to help them. Only Kirsten is way less enthusiastic about the idea then the Wishbian expected so she goes to sugar talk Kirsten into it. And it worked. Damn.
Beach Party Time! Everything is awesome!!!
Johnny shows Marissa where to drop off her stuff and she finds a picture of young Chilli and Johnny which makes for more awkward scenes between the two of them. Summer sees this and calls Seth but he gets disconnected by one Taylor Townsend. Of course Seth forwards Summer’s message, telling Ryan to show up at Chilli’s…we all know this will end with a face punch on the beach, don’t we? Even Taylor’s menacing words can’t stop Ryan from going over.
Mari: Really, nothing can stop Ryan from delivering a punch. He’s gotta do it, guys. He’s gotta.
Karina: At the Beach Party, Casey is a little less enthusiastic about Johnny and Summer gets worried. Just then, Ryan shows up. Summer and Ryan come up with a fake story as to why he is at the party and not checking up on Marissa.
Sandy and one of the buyers are talking business. The guy suggests to not sell the Newport Group but instead keep it and let him help. Haha, the guy is 26 and an idiot. Sandy says though, he has to ask Kirsten first. Good man!
The mischievous twins are making plans for that swankified thing they are making Kirsten throw. Charlotte has to run out because her phone rings just in time for the waiter to bring the cheque. Julie sees it and gets a bit flabbergasted so she goes through the other woman’s purse for money where she comes upon a collection of fake driver’s licenses and credit cards. Dun, dun, dunnnn.
Beach Party. Ryan and Marissa do some more not talking about why they can’t talk but she can talk with Johnny. Those guys need some serious counselling about the murder and stuff. I wonder why nobody thought of this yet, it’s so obvious.
Mari: I feel bad because Marissa needs to talk about it, but she doesn’t seem to be registering that this isn’t a “Ryan won’t talk to me!” thing but that, you know. Trey was his brother. This is difficult for him too.
Karina: Seth calls from a payphone to get Ryan over to the lock-in. Ryan was already on his way but Summer interferes and says that he needs to make up with Coop before they leave. Meanwhile Johnny and Marissa are going to a quieter place to talk. Abort! Abort! Abort!
And scene! Johnny and Marissa walk into Chilli’s room where Casey is making out with one of the older surfer douches. Fantastic. It was worth seeing her in a bra though. Sorry not sorry. I mismanaged getting to recap the hot second in which Marissa batted for my team so I take what I can get. Anyway, all around awkwards are had.
The beach partiers are trying to come up with a fighting plan but Johnny wants to just be alone. Casey come by to talk to Johnny. The girl informs Marissa that Johnny is falling in love with her because of course. Of fucking course.
Mari: And apparently everyone knows it… except the two people falling in love? I’m not sure if that’s how this works.
Karina: Chilli returns to tell us Johnny left.
Julie Cooper-Nichol confronts Charlotte about who she actually is. Can I just say that Jaime Murray did the long con game way better on Hustle? Also, she looked so much better while doing it. Any-segue, Julie thinks Charlotte is there to scam her so, the Wishbian is quick on her feet and suggests Julie helps her. Julie isn’t having any of it though Charlotte tops it all of with some ‘how do you think you will support your family’ and ‘take matters into your own hands’ smack talk. Also, I have the mind of a 12 year-old boy #justsaying
The Cohen parents are talking about the Newport Group offer. Sandy also finally informs us about him basically shutting down his own law firm after Caleb’s death to run the NG. Thank you, show. I was curious about the logistics of it all! Kirsten says she is out of the woods and if Sandy really wants to run the company, she is okay with it. Awww, I’m kinda happy the eyebrows are back on track!
The Lock In for Forced Teenager Interaction. Seth is trying to log Summer and Ryan in but she isn’t taking the bait.
On the beach, Johnny is about to do something dumb while the rest of the gang races to save the boy from himself. Ryan to the rescue. Aaaaaand I called it, Ryan punches the douchecanoe surfer in da face! Also, nobody was surprised.
In a bar, Sandy is drinking with his new business partner who suggests a whole bottle of Tequila. Because he is 26.
Mari: Or maybe because he’s trying to seduce those eyebrows! BACK, NEW PARTNER. BACK!
Karina: Cut back to the fun gym times, Taylor is saying thanks to Seth. She offers to not tell on Summer and Ryan.
Marissa is dropping of Summer at the gym but the doors are locked. Taylor goes there but pretends she can’t hear Summer yelling because she wants some sweet time with Seth. This is all kinds of wrong.
Ryan and Johnny are hanging out in the one diner in Newport, bonding over fighting and stuff. (M: It’s cute that punches brought them together.) (Yeah, I like that too.) Meanwhile Marissa thinks that she is responsible for everything and even though she is kinda right, she also isn’t. They watch the guys in the diner through the window and it’s a bit creepy.
Well, that was a hot ball of mess! But I expected nothing less from The O.C. I’m still curious about what happens with Charlotte and Julie. I know Julie needs some source of income but I don’t really see her teaming up with that sort of con artist. I guess we will find out.
Thanks to the Snark Ladies for having me again and letting me ramble my way through this episode! If needed, I’m here to volunteer as tribute again in a heartbeat.
Next time on The OC: Taylor Townsend steals Captain Oats in S03 E07 – The Anger Management.
I'm a 30-something safety engineer dreaming of finding someone to support my habit of shipping badass women in media with each other. Love running and singing and also self-depricating humour.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
