Previously: Harvey Dent had a two-faced coin!
—
LoveCraft
Marines: I truly thought last episode was the last one before winter break, so I resent this episode already
Alex: Whereas I didn’t even know we were getting a winter break until several days after watching this episode, which was an unexpected and welcome surprise.
Sweeney: It’s hard for me to consider anything Gotham-related a welcome surprise, but I appreciate your optimism. It makes me extra glad we have you around.
Mari: We open at Wayne Manor where a woman is standing and looking at the house proper. A gardener comes across her and is way less suspicious than he should be, even offering to point her in the direction of the road. Suspicious Lady says no thanks and then chokes the crap out of the gardener. Her two suspicious cohorts come out from behind a hedge and she instructs one of them to open the gardener up. He slices Dead Gardener’s chest and Suspicious Lady sticks her hand in and smears the blood on her forehead. Suddenly “Suspicious Lady” is not a nearly severe enough nickname.
Inside, Baby Batman is testing his balance on the banister. Which is wood and he’s wearing socks so probably he just wants to die. Cat appears opposite him and tells him to keep his torso tight. he does so and takes one hesitant step, but apparently that tip was super helpful.
They both jump down. Cat says that if he really wants to test himself, he should go with her to the midtown bridge where all the kids go to make-out. That sounds great to Baby Batman.
Cat asks him what’s up with his dead mom and dad “homework” and he more or less explains that he’s trying to do the LOLPD’s job for them. Cat tells him that sometimes bad things just happen with no explanation. She follows that up with a, “so you wanna kiss me?” Baby Batman says no thank you, because he doesn’t imagine that she thinks him a suitable romantic partner, so she must have an ulterior motive. Cat says it’s really a “trying to be nice” charity kiss, but BB doesn’t even believe that, because he doesn’t believe Cat is a nice person. She’s like, “WTF” and his explanation of, “you might be a good person, but you definitely don’t care about other people” doesn’t fix it, so she tells him to screw off and go to make-out bridge alone.
Sweeney: These scenes struggle because these kid actors are only mediocre. There’s a good chance, they’ll turn into strong adult actors – not that Gotham is really the best place for them to hone their skills – but #meh acting with fuck all happening in the directors chair detracts from what could be the most endearing part of the show.
Mari: I appreciate you taking the time to put all that into words.
The doorbell rings and it’s Bloody Forehead Lady [BFL], claiming that she ran off the road and needs an ambulance. Alfred lets her in and Baby Batman and Cat come running down the stairs to investigate. There is this weird moment where everyone is just staring at Baby Batman, and Bloody Forehead, despite her ninja skills and master plan, can’t be bothered enough to keep the evil leer off her face. Alfred twigs to the villainy and tells the kids to run. He punches Bloody Forehead and her Suspicious Cohorts come running in. Alfred is a total badass and manages to hold them off for a bit. BFL and Suspicious #1 manage past him and chase after the kids. We get scenes of the kids running, Bloody trying to find them, and Alfred besting Suspicious #2 in a fight with a cane.
Baby Batman and Cat make it outside, but BB doesn’t want to leave Alfred. Cat’s all, “WHATEVER, BYE” and keeps running. Baby decides to follow after her when he sees BFL and Suspicious Cohorts coming after him. Alfred is on their tail and starts firing his gun. He takes a bullet in the arm and looks at it all, “what a bother,” and then shoots Suspicious Cohort #I Lost Track of Who is Who in the chest. He’s lost track of everybody else and yells “[BABY BATMAN]!”
Alex: Like, I get that Alfred’s got some badass skills and all that, but I’m really not sure I buy him being able to fight off three ninja assassins on his own.
Sweeney: It’s a significant leap to go from, “I was a badass in my day,” to “I can out badass three active professional assassins.” But I can see why the Gotham writer’s room would regard that as a wholly standard leap to take.
Mari: OMINOUS LIGHTNING CLOUDS. GOTHAM.
After the credits, the GCPD are at Wayne Manor. Alfred can’t be bothered with treating his wound right now, because no one has been able to find Baby Batman, despite the 50 cops in the woods searching for him. Gordon wants to hear more about the assassins, but Alfred’s just pissed that it was Cat that led them to the manor. (A: Which, to be fair, is exactly what he said would happen last episode). To confirm this, Bullock comes over with a picture of Cat he got off Dead Suspicious’s body. He recognizes Cat and asks what the heck is going on. Gordon is forced to fill him in about Cat being in the alley the night the Waynes were murdered. He also tells him about Harvey Dent’s brilliant plan of cornering Lovecraft and telling him they have an eye witness. Alfred and Bullock both insult Gordon. Bullock is also pissed because the Wayne case is closed! Closed, I say! Alfred tells them both to STFU because they have to find Baby Batman. Spoiler alert: they do, because, you know, Batman.
Gordon asks for Bullock’s help running the streets of Gotham, where he figures Cat would’ve run to. Meanwhile, he’s going to go see Lovecraft, figure out if he’s behind the assassins, and get him to call off the hit. Alfred says he’s going with Bullock and I don’t blame him. Bullock doesn’t mind either, because Alfred is pretty useful for a valet. Alfred corrects him with a, “Butler, mate. I’m the butler.” It’s a line only one actor on this show could’ve pulled off, and they gave it to the right guy.
Sweeney: You mean you’re not a fan of being hit with the same! fucking! note! week! after! week!?
Mari: If you or someone you know is, HAVE WE GOT THE CHARACTER FOR YOU!
Cat and Baby Batman are walking to Gotham and he wants to call Alfred or the police. Cat says no way on both counts. She also doesn’t think the assassins were after her. She promises to hide BB in the city and then call Alfred because she’s just being nice.
Falcone Manor. Penguin is brought into a room where Falcone is waiting and he is pissed. He wants to know how Maroni found his money and if Penguin double crossed him while double crossing Maroni after he double crossed Falcone. Fish swears that it wasn’t Maroni and Liza interrupts them long enough to get glared at. After she leaves, Penguin suggests that it was Fish who has a mole near Falcone and he doesn’t get why Falcone keeps her around. Falcone says that Fish makes him a lot of money and he can handle her. He’s just concerned with finding the mole and Penguin says to leave that to him.
We cut to Penguin in a car with his driver/henchman Gabriel, who doesn’t get why he didn’t just tell Falcone the mole is Liza. Penguin says timing is everything.
Gordon goes to see Harvey Dent and yell at him since someone found his witness. Dent thinks it’s totally a good thing because it means Lovecraft is panicking, but Gordon doesn’t see it that way. Dent swears he didn’t say Gordon’s name in connection with the witness… out loud. Gordon gets all in his face and asks who he whispered it to. It’s so damn ridiculous, I think I’m done with this scene. (A: I concur.) The rest is really just Gordon using his Batman voice to threaten Dent and say they need to find Lovecraft.
Sweeney: I am desperate to like Harvey Dent and each successive scene with him pains me a little more because this show turns everything to shit.
Mari: Interrogation room. Bullock and Alfred are questioning a kid I know we’ve seen before but this recap is already so late, and I’m just so tired, just take my word for it. Let that be your Christmas gift to me. Bullock is yelling at the kid, trying to get information on Cat, but Alfred is not only badass, he is wise, and he whips out $100. I don’t actually follow what’s going on (something about fences? Should I urban dictionary this?) but after another $100, Kid We’ve Seen Before says they should ask Fish Mooney because she runs all the fences. (A: I think a fence is someone who buys and sells stolen goods, right?) (S: Alex, does this mean you’re now our “Knowing Criminal Terminology” Department?)
Murder Lunch. Falcone shoots someone who lands in his bowl of spaghetti, on the chance that this guy looked the other way while the robbery happened. He says that who ever else was in on the job is going to wish they got to die quickly like Spaghetti Head over there. Plus, now Falcone’s raising the tariff on his minion gangsters to 25%. Two Minion Gangsters say that’s high, but when Falcone asks a nervous Fish what she thinks, she gives a brown-nosey (or like a “I don’t want my nosey in spaghetti”) line about all being family. That all handled, Falcone says it’s time to eat. (A: With the dead guy still lying in his spaghetti at the table. Worst dinner party ever).
Baby Batman spots a payphone and runs for it, asking Cat for a coin. She lies and says she doesn’t have one because she doesn’t get why BB’s so hyped on calling Alfred. BB explains that Alfred is his family and Cat softens and forks over the coin. BB starts to dial but Cat says goodbye, so he’s distracted and hangs up. Cat says the Suspicious Cohorts were after her not him. She just said that stuff about him being a target because he’s nice and she wanted to hang out with him more.
Anyway, she tells him that it’s time for her to jet and that whole her testifying about the Wayne Murder thing was never going to happen. “Grow up, B[B].” Cat takes off up a fire escape and then leaps from one roof to another. Baby Batman follows her and runs up to the edge but freaks out a little before he jumps. Cat’s over there looking smug and BB accepts the challenge and tries again. We get a little slow mo so we can appreciate this better, I guess. (A: Not me, my eyes were very firmly covered during this whole scene). He clears the jump but lands just on the edge of the other building. He almost loses his balance, but Cat is there to grab him. She’s pretty impressed and says that if he wants to hang with her, he’s got to follow her rules. I want to teach both of these kids that there is a better way to hang out.
Mari: HOW COULD ANYONE KNOW?
They head to “the Flea” which is “like the mall for street kids without the crappy music.” Some girl glares at them.
Lounge of Fish. Butch is worried since Falcone is killing people into their bowls of food. Fish says they stick to the plan, especially since those other Minion Gangsters are upset about the new tariffs. Fish says they are being herded right to her. She leaves just as Bullock and Alfred enter. Bullock shows Butch a picture of Cat and asks if he knows her, since she’s working for one of Fish’s new fences. Butch plays dumb and Alfred casually takes a step forward and says he once knew a guy named Butch. They called him that because he wasn’t, you see. Like a joke. Butch can’t tell if Alfred is threatening him, so Alfred makes it real clear when he trips him up and holds a knife to his throat.
Fish appears just then, asking what the fuss is all about. Bullock asks her about Cat and in the background, Alfred is actually helping Butch up. BECAUSE HE’S GOT MANNERS, DANG IT. Fish has seen Cat before, plus she knows all about how this is the witness to the Wayne murder they were using to scare Lovecraft. Fish asks why the hell she would help them find the girl. Alfred saunters over and reveals that Baby Batman is with Cat. This interests Fish, but she’s still not sold on doing this thing that goes against her self interest. Alfred compliments her lovely gaze and tells her she isn’t the kind of woman who would left self interest get in the way of honor and compassion. This works and I have no idea why. Fish tells him to remember this kindess. (A: I really hope that this is all just an act on Alfred’s part, because the idea of a Fish/Alfred romance in future makes me throw up a little bit). (S: I also really hope that after all the other bullshit that is Fish’s entire character, they didn’t just reduce her to someone who caved because a man flirted with her.)
Flea. Cat has changed Baby Batman out of his prep school uniform, or whatever the heck he was wearing. And, crap, that girl that was glaring at them before was Ivy. I GUESS I DID NEED THAT GIANT PLANT BEHIND HER HEAD TO IDENTIFY HER. WHOOPS.
Cat and Ivy hug. She explains that she was adopted but the people were too nice and wanted her to comb her hair, or something. Baby Batman recognizes Ivy as Mario Pepper’s daughter and introduces himself. Cat tells Ivy to stay cool and though she’s doing some weird talking (or bad acting? I can’t tell.) Ivy says she is cool and totally doesn’t even blame Baby Batman for the fact that her dad got killed and her mom slit her wrists. Cat asks her about Clyde the fence and Ivy tells them where to find him. And then she calls Baby Batman cute. Cat grabs her man all, “nah, girl. You guys just occasionally lust over each other, BYES.”
Cat guides Baby Batman away and he asks why she’s so scared of Ivy. “Because she’s scary,” Cat says as she nearly pushes BB out of there.
Someplace where Gordon enters and it takes me like a full minute to remember what his storyline even is: Lovecraft comes out of a room with his gun raised, but Gordon tells him to drop it. He does. He then delivers a pretty swell speech about how the same people trying to kill Cat came after him. He isn’t the big wheel. The people who really run this city are watching him huff and puff and run around, and they are laughing at him. The audience kind of is too, but that’s neither here nor there. Lovecreaft grabs his briefcase and explains that right before the Waynes got murdered there was a run on their stock, like someone knew something bad was going to happen. Lovecraft started digging. They hear a bang outside and in walks Bloody Forehead and her Suspicious Cohort. She says she’s here for Lovecraft and Gordon doesn’t need to be hurt. They fight, and while Gordon manages to take out Suspicious, Bloody Forehead gets him in a choke hold and he passes out. Lovecraft ran away, but without much of a head start.
Gordon comes too to the sound of his cell phone ringing. Bullock tells him about Fish coming through with information about a fence named Clyde. He hangs up quickly, thanks Fish for her help and takes off with Alfred. Back with Gordon, he’s just a little confused. He checks the room and finds that Lovecraft is dead in the bathtub. There is a gun right near it and Gordon looks down at his empty holster and freaks out.
Cat and Baby Batman make it to Clyde the fence. She gives him a bunch of stolen stuff and judging by BB’s reaction, it’s all his. Clyde picks out a watch and Cat tells him it’ll cost him $1000. Clyde offers $50, so BB speaks up and says his fancy pen is worth much more alone. Cat starts to pick up on the creepy vibes here and grabs her stuff back. It’s too late. Clyde announces that he’s got some friends who would love to meet her and the kids are taken away.
Bloody Forehead and Suspicious Cohort pull up outside.
Cat and BB are locked in a room with lots of filing cabinets and a high open ceiling. This was probably not that well thought out.
Sweeney: Nothing on this show ever is. Why start now?
Mari: Clyde counts the money Bloody Forehead gives him and hands over the keys to the room upstairs.
Cat is just opening the sunroof when they hear someone approaching. They kids hide and Cat knocks the guy out when he enters. They run out and Bloody Forehead and the rest of her team follow after. Alfred and Bullock pull up. Alfred runs in while Bullock gets stuck in a gun fight outside. Cat hides and Baby Batman runs to distract the assassins. Gordon arrives and helps Bullock outside.
Inside, Bloody Forehead spots Baby Batman who starts throwing random pipes and stuff at her. He misses every time and she’s soon got him at gun point. She doesn’t want to hurt him though and just asks where Cat is. BB looks very obviously at where Cat is, and though this woman is like an A+ assassin, she fails at basic crap like “following people’s eyes.” Cat is sneaking out of a window, so BB tells Bloody Forehead that Cat is gone. She’s all, “cool,” and lets BB go with the wise words, “don’t ever mistake bravery for good sense.” I’m sure he’ll remember that for all his life, Bloody Forehead. (A: Maybe it’s not such a surprise after all that Alfred managed to overpower her so easily).
Alfred finds Batman as Bloody Forehead leaves. They ask after each other and have their touching reunion, completely with feelsy hug that has hero music. It’s the hero of hugs. Gordon is relieved to see Baby Batman alive.
We cut to the Mayor yelling at Gordon and Dent, because Lovecraft was a pillar of the community. The Mayor is prepared to lie and call the whole thing suicide. Dent goes along with it and even that makes the Mayor angry. They are hacking away at his corrupt city, you see, and he wishes that he could kill them both, but that would be too much. Instead, he’s going to take Gordon down. Dent protests a little bit, but the Mayor says that Dent knows how to toe the line, unlike Gordon who goes around shooting at everything and yelling at mob bossess and crap. Gordon tells the Mayor to kiss his ass.
Sweeney: The mayor is yet another character that goes too far into =farcically corrupt territory. This is not a comic book. You have to write your characters differently for a TV show than for a comic book. I’m not sure anyone on this show’s payroll understands that.
Mari: We cut to a press conference where the Mayor is telling everyone about the “suicide.” Mayor James promises that the officer who trumped up the charges against Lovecraft is being dealt with.
Back at GCPD, Gordon is packing up his desk. He’s been reassigned to Arkham. HA. Bullock is like, “dude, quit,” because no one in the universe understands Gordon’s commitment to this job. Alas, he’s all, “NEVER GONNA QUIT.” Ed comes over to say goodbye and almost steals the entire show, but Alfred was really good this episode, so he comes in second place when he offers to write a letter to the boss about Gordon being thrown out in disgrace. Gordon tells him to not worry about it and extends his hand for a shake. Ed upgrades that to an awkward hug and scurries off. Presh. (S: THE CUTEST! In lieu of the usual face punches, this episode gave us some great hugs.)
Bullock and Gordon say goodbye with a manly offer to grab a drink sometime soon.
Wayne Manor. Cat breaks in and I’m afraid I’mm have to keep using the two separate window climbing tags we usually reserve for Joey Potter and Edward Cullen for her. Stop it, girl. Baby Batman didn’t expect to see her, but she points out that they never said goodbye and she didn’t want to be rude. She returns the stolen goods except for one little silver trinket I’m almost sure we’ve seen before (…let this be my, um, Hanukkah present?). BB gets close to inspect in and Cat plants like a super hard kiss on his lips. It’s like a head butt in kiss form. She smiles at him and leaves.
Alfred comes in and BB says he was just talking to himself. Alfred doesn’t buy that and closes the damn window. Alfred grabs his unstolen goods and notes that the house seems quiet without Cat.
Gordon arrives at Arkham for his first shift and stares at it real long. I’m going to try this tomorrow when I get to work. Will report on if anyone notices.
I like the development of Gordon being in Arkham, though it feels a tad bit forced. Everyone was tolerable to good in this episode, which is quite a compliment from me. I’m actually happy we got a break from Penguin, though I’m pretty sure that’ll just be me that feels that. I’m super happy for the break, but I’ve got to say if there was one way to make me not dread this show coming back, it was casting the talented and beautiful MORENA BACCARIN. I’m almost more scared that Gotham will ruin Morena Baccarin, but should that happen, I’ll just start watching Firefly between episodes to dilute the pain.
Sweeney: I had to watch Rocket Science between these two Gotham episodes, so yeah. It’s likely that Firefly rewatches will be necessary. Giving me a super important excuse to rewatch Firefly might be the best thing this show ever does.
Gotham will be back sometime in January; Fox hasn’t announced when. On that day we’ll be hosting a new round of #gothamsnark and that week there’ll be an all new recap. See you then, friends, when we can all decide if Morena Baccarin can help save this show in Gotham S01 E11.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a thirty-year-old postgrad living in Scotland. When I'm not writing (which, between my degree and Snark Squad, is almost never) I watch entirely too much TV, and live in constant fear of the day that I run out of things to watch.
