Previously: Spencer fell asleep standing up and had a very long, black and white, drug induced dream.
—
Free Fall
Jessica: We open on Spencer, who has fallen asleep at Ezra’s desk, and is drooling all over the Ali Diary. Ezra walks in, wakes her up and asks what she’s doing. She’s confused, just as anyone would be to realize that they’re in their pajamas, at school, and this is not an actual dream. She tries to leave but he creepy stops her and tells her the path she’s on is dangerous, then the bell rings and she uses it to make a break for it. Ezra creepy stares after her. But I guess he’s used to people fleeing his dead-eyed stare.
SHHHHH.
Coma-makeup!Spencer is changing in the girl’s bathroom. Hanna and Emily walk in, and Hanna immediately judges Spencer’s flip flops, shorts and sweatshirt look. Spencer wants to discuss the more serious issue than fashion on hand, and Emily’s like “is that why you called me at 4 a.m.?” Spencer looks as confused as I am.
Sweeney: The writers are having too much fun with this drug addiction thing. “No, guys, don’t worry, it’s cool that nothing makes sense, ’cause drugs, you know?”
Jessica: It’s like, the ultimate pass for shitty writing.
Hanna brings us up to speed, saying after they “saw Aria lip-locking with the devil” she thought Spencer went home. Turns out that wasn’t the case. Spencer says she just sleep-dialed Emily by accident (M: lol. what?) and they shouldn’t wait until after school to tell Aria about Ezra.
Emily says they can’t tell her now, BECAUSE NO ONE ON THIS SHOW WANTS TO USE THEIR WORDS. And suddenly they care about “dropping a bomb” on Aria right before she goes into class. Is class still a thing? I was pretty sure it was just an inconvenience between book buying and coffee runs. Oh yeah, and getting stalked and almost murdered. This show.
Spencer wants to protect Aria, and is worried she might be hooking up with Ezra “in some janitor’s closet” maybe even right now. “Doesn’t that make your skin crawl?” she asks. YES IT DOES, IT ALWAYS HAS! But probably not for the same reason they’re meaning right now.
Marines: It makes their skin crawl because he’s a bad, bad person. WHICH IS WHAT WE’VE BEEN SAYING FOREVER.
Sweeney: The stalking and potential murdering is just the icing and cherry on top of the pedobear flavored bad, bad person cake.
Jessica: Bell ring segues us to the hallway, where Ezra walks up to Aria and totally not suspiciously asks her about the QUESTION she had, you know, about the READING EXAM? as other students pass by. She pretends to answer his question until they leave, at which point he asks if she’s spoken with Spencer yet today. Ezra claims to be worried about her because she’s turning in sub-par work and acting erratically in class. He’s noticed her Faith-esque coma makeup. So has Aria. She thinks it’s just Spencer being Spencer, but Ezra reveals she “has a problem with amphetamines, and I think it’s becoming a crutch.” Is he supposed to have learned this from her file he stole earlier? Creep. Aria doesn’t believe him, but he insists that “she’s got everybody fooled” and “she’s a ticking time bomb.” That’s what we keep saying about you, pal.
In a completely awful move, Ezra gives Aria Spencer’s file that he stole. Aria reads and looks up dramatically.
Mari: I freakin’ HATE him. I mean, yes, Spencer has a problem, but he’s all, “I guess I’m wiling to break the rules if it means helping Spencer.” LIKE HE ISN’T A BIG FAT RULE BREAKER ALL THE TIME.
Jessica: Toby is waiting for Spencer outside of the school. On his motorcycle. Hello. Spencer has changed into Hanna’s clothes, which apparently consist of a shirt with little ice cream bars all over it. Ok. Normally I do not know whut is fashun, but I don’t believe this is it. Maybe Snark fashion expert Democracy Diva could offer an analysis?
Mari: Best.
@mynameismarines @antiscian that’s… a LOT of popsicles. what does the writing say?
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) January 21, 2015
@democracydiva @antiscian It looked like Happy Birthday for a sec but it’s Happy A–something.
— Mari (@mynameismarines) January 21, 2015
@democracydiva @antiscian It says, “happy Ashley” on it. — Mari (@mynameismarines) January 21, 2015
@mynameismarines @antiscian is her name ashley? IS ASHLEY “A”? (i know nothing about this show) — Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) January 21, 2015
So, there you go. Hanna (played by Ashley Benson) gave Spencer a shirt and it says “Happy Ashley” on it and it mostly earns the Seal for having actual cake on it.
Sweeney: Everything that just happened is my favorite.
Jessica: Just look at Troian Bellisario’s face. It’s a face that says ‘yes, I know what this show is and no, I don’t know why I’m here.’
Any-random-way, Toby wants her to skip class to go for a ride but she declines because she has a quiz after lunch that she hasn’t studied for. Nerd! (j/k that was totally me too in high school… and college… and now) Toby brought food but Spencer isn’t excited, which raises a red flag. (S: Because food is amazing. Free lunch! Never decline free lunch. “Don’t do drugs because it’ll make you decline free lunch.”) He asks if she’s mad that he took the payout from Radley, and she admits maybe she’s a little disappointed. After multiple episodes of annoying brooding, Toby has finally decided his mom wouldn’t have wanted him to obsess, but to live his life. Ok, sure. Why not. Just flex your Toby abs and all will be forgiven.
Hanna and Emily are also at lunch together. They discuss how nervous they are about having to reveal to Aria that her secret-again-and-still-overage boyfriend is an evil creep. Hanna’s worried Aria will hate them if they reveal that Ezra is A, but I’m not sure why she would hate them for that, as it’s not their fault? Emily is just prepared for it all to get ugly, which is a pretty safe bet here in Stalkerwood.
Aria arrives, wondering why they haven’t answered her texts and to tell them about Spencer’s personal, private medical business. She pulls out the file (which Ezra let her keep?? Does no one check on these student files??) explaining that two years ago Spencer’s parents asked the school for help with her drug problem. LOL. The school. That’s cute, Mr. and Mrs. Hastings.
Mari: “Surely, we can count on the school to keep our child’s medical history safe!” – The Hastings.
Sweeney: “This school has such an excellent track record with caring for our children!” – All of Rosewood’s Negligent Parents Who Haven’t Opted for Private School.
Jessica: Cut back to Toby and Spencer. Toby suggests a take-out and movie date night, but Spencer declines, but gives him some PDA as the school bell rings, then heads in for that quiz. #nerddating
Cut to the Hastings House after school. Spencer grabs the girls drinks from the fridge, but they all stare at her awkwardly. Spencer assumes it’s because Hanna and Emily told Aria about Ezra, but Hanna and Emily deflect, saying they’re being awkward about something else — her.
Per usual, Hanna just blurts it all out (though why she doesn’t do this to Aria, I have no idea). She asks point blank if Spencer’s a “speed freak.” Aria says it’s an intervention, and Spencer’s like, well it was supposed to be yours! But Hanna deflects again, and they freaking hand her her own file! What? I have to assume that all of Rosewood has seen this thing by now.
Spencer asks where they got it, and Aria says from Ezra. Spencer about has a brain aneurysm and asks why Emily and Hanna haven’t told her anything yet. “He’s A, Aria,” she says. “Ezra is Board Shorts. He tried to kill Ali and he’s been torturing us ever since.”
Spencer insists that Ezra is setting her up, but girl, your coma makeup is not helping your case. Aria says Ezra found her passed out in school, barefoot in her pajamas. Spencer admits that that happened, (that she “slept walked” actually. Is this correct?? Are they doing English correctly?)(M: IDK. Merriam Webster has it listed as one word “sleepwalk” which makes me think it would be “sleepwalked.”) but insists that Ezra’s just trying to confuse them and turn the blame on her “because he’s freaking A!”
I totally feel for her breakdown right now. That’s how I always feel screaming at the screen.
Sweeney: I had to get up and walk away from my computer because this was all so upsetting. EZRA GETS AWAY WITH EVERYTHING THE WORLD IS UNFAIR I HATE EVERYTHING.
Jessica: Aria has totally not even reacted to the “Ezra is A” statement, but is just focused on Spencer. Spencer unfortunately references her black-and-white hallucination, saying this is the behavior that almost got Aria shot in the back of the nightclub, and the other girls are like skrrrt, what the hell are you talking about?
Mari: That’s pretty much how I reacted to that whole episode.
Sweeney: “Shh, shh, drugs, you know?”
Jessica: Frustrated, Spencer grabs her purse but it dumps all over the counter, revealing Wren’s prescription pad we saw an A-glove swipe a few episodes earlier. The girls think he’s her hook up for drugs, but Spencer insists she’s never seen it before. They don’t believe her, and all give her judge-y face instead.
Rosewood’s Only Restaurant. Mike and Mona are on a date. She admits that she likes him, and he says he’d rather she said a different word instead- one that rhymes with glove. Oh lord, this is some Star Wars Attack of the Clones-style terrible dialogue here. To her credit, she doesn’t laugh in his face, and he backtracks, claiming “I think the candlelight’s getting to me.” Sure kid.
Sweeney: But also this is a running theme in Traumaland wherein characters need to reevaluate their desire to be involved in things when they can’t even use the words. You can’t say, “I WANT YOU TO SAY ‘I LOVE YOU'” when you can’t even comfortably use the word “love.”
Jessica: Mike has learned from the best.
Ezra creepers in because of course, and Mona excuses herself to go talk to him “about a reading assignment.” She confronts him and when says she can’t help him anymore, he gets all threaten-y and says it’s too late to back out now. He snags his to-go bag and leaves.
Sweeney: A probably planted a book on known-creep Ezra Fitz to make him look creepy in a way other than his known creepiness, but no, A could not possibly have planted something on my BFF to make her look creepy! That would be absurd!
Jessica: Spencer arrives and hands them a plastic baggy of pills, saying she doesn’t need them anymore. She wants to prove to them that her Ezra Is A theory is real, and hands them the Ali Diary she was drooling on earlier in the episode. Spencer’s been studying the changes to the diary, and thinks that A is trying to hide where he used to meet Ali. Not the Subtle Symbolism Hart & Huntsman bar, but Ambrose Pavilion, which is at a nearby zoo. A knows Ali’s alive and without much money, so Spencer wants to trick A into thinking Ali’s going to meet them at this pavilion to get her cash.
Hastings House. Mariska Mom is making dinner plans on the phone when Spencer zombies down the stairs to get something from the fridge, not doing so great without her helper pills. Mariska Mom makes no mention of her new coma look, allows her to slip out of dinner plans, and leaves.
Mari: So maybe the Hastings less went to the school for help and more were like, “ugh, our daughter is making some choices. Can you deal with this? Cool.” Because HOW DOES MOM NOT NOTICE?
Sweeney: RIGHT? Your daughter had a known pill addiction and then recently did a stint in a mental institution so maybe you should keep a tiny bit closer eye on her and notice the metric shit ton of coma makeup she’s now sporting?
Jessica: Spencer then calls Toby and claims her mom’s making her go to dinner. Her real plan is to do the A trap with Hanna and Spencer.
Pedopad. Aria’s telling Ezra about Spencer’s flip out during the world’s most poorly planned intervention the other day. She says that Spencer wasn’t defensive, but more offensive, attacking Emily and Hanna and— almost spills about the A accusation, but resists, despite deadpan Ezra asking questions with creep-tastic intensity.
Ezra wants to get the Hastings parents involved. If Aria doesn’t do it, he says, he’ll have to get involved as a teacher, making it a bigger deal. Way to use your position of power as a threat, asshole. Aria says that Spencer’s strong enough to dig herself out of this. Ezra brings up Radley and is skeptical, since that one time “seeing a motorcycle helmet and a tattoo is enough to unravel her completely.” Um, yes, if you think it’s the body of your boyfriend! Also he says “tattoo” here weirdly. (S: I NOTICED THAT TOO.)
Aria relents, but then gets think-y face. She asks Ezra how he knew the details of what Spencer saw in the woods (did we ever find out whose body that was, by the way? No? Ok cool.) They stare at each other as the suspenseful I-don’t-believe-you music plays and he says she must have told him. She agrees, but still looks suspicious. We get the horror movie strings screech as we close-up on her worried face.
Next morning at the One Coffee Shop, Emily comes to the table outside and offers to top up Ezra’s coffee. Then she fake drops a bunch of dishes nearby and pretends to answer her cell. Hope that’s not coming out of your paycheck, girl! Hanna and Spencer are on the other line, in a car across the street. Emily sets the trap, saying “we don’t even know if Ali is going to show up.” Ezra gets evil stalker listening face, but for once that’s what we all want to see. She finishes with “Ambrose Pavilion. Closing.” Ezra writes a note on his notepad as she leaves.
Hastings House. Spencer tries to stand up and walk out the door, but has to sit back down, all sweaty and coma makeup-y. (I am so good with the adjectives, you guys). She pretends to be her mom on the phone again, to refill her prescription, but strikes out.
Meanwhile in the woods, Aria approaches the Pedo Cabin, which has an absurdly fancy looking high tech alarm system. She then attempts to crack his password and it’s hilarious. She tries Ezra (his own name??), Shakespeare, Sonnet, Faulkner, Wordsworth and Dickinson to no avail. Then she types B26 and it’s accepted. Am I supposed to get that reference? Oh, I think it was the name of her short story? Or wait, was that the terrible, terrible poem he wrote about her?? Whatever, it works, and is also a horrible password. You need at least 7 characters, including a mix of numbers, letters and symbols, Ezra!
Mariska Mom picks up the phone and it’s the doctor’s office, calling about Spencer’s prescription. MM’s confused before finally realizing what’s going on.
Norris Town Zoo. Hanna and Emily arrive. Turns out Ambrose Pavilion houses reptiles, which gives Hanna the heebie-jeebies. Emily strong arms her inside saying “there’s nothing to be scared of.” Except the stalking murderer that they’re luring there to catch a glimpse of, that is. That’s their entire plan, right? To look at A? Great.
Mari: “YEP GUYS. I DEFINITELY SEE HIM.” — The Liars, before they die.
Jessica: Meanwhile, Aria is snooping around the Pedo Cabin. She moves the couch cushions around, then wanders into the bedroom where she looks for approximately .6 seconds before spotting the terribly hidden trap door ring sticking out from the corner of the rug. Your security is awfully sloppy, Ezra.
She walks into the Basement of Don’t Go In There and I am incredibly disappointed when she just finds a dingy basement, and not the creepy stalkery computer lab he had going on there several episodes ago.
Reptile House of Bad Ideas. Hanna and Emily wander around, and Hanna’s grossed out. “Only Ali would think it’s sexy to make out in front of a bunch of reptiles,” she says. They’re waiting for Spencer to get into position but she hasn’t been in touch.
Pedo Cabin. Aria emerges from the cellar and keeps snooping. A cookbook titled “Carnivores Delight” catches her eye on the coffee table, and she picks it up. Is that suspicious? Is he supposed to be a vegetarian? I have zero fucks to give about Ezra’s dietary habits so I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react here. Maybe she just wanted a good recipe for later. (S: I think maybe Aria’s a vegetarian and it occurred to her that maybe a meat-eater cookbook was an ARIA DON’T LOOK decoy, but maybe I’m making all of that up.)(J: So, Ezra’s equivalent to hiding money in a pasta box then?) She opens it and it’s actually been hollowed out, and inside is a typed manuscript. The first line, which we hear read aloud in Ezra’s voice, is “The first thing Alison ever told me about herself was a lie. Lying was her oxygen.” It’s underlined in red, with red editing marks all over it, including a “Lies beget lies” notation. The voice continues “she could do it while she was laughing, she could even do it when she was kissing you.” We zoom in on Aria’s big horrified eyes.
Sweeney: Another reminder that Ali was like 14 in all of these pre-disappearance memories. I need to go take a scalding shower to burn off all the EW.
Jessica: Reptile House. Hanna and Emily think they spot Spencer, so they put the Coffee Bag o’ Cash on a display next to an alligator’s mouth. Right out in the open.
Aria’s still reading. She hears something, and looks out the window to see Ezra stepping out of his car. His phone beeps and he takes it out of his pocket. It warns him of a security alert, and that his cameras are unavailable. Creep.
Aria scrambles to grab her purse, shoves the manuscript inside, shuts the book and runs. Ezra enters, stares around the cabin, and notices Aria’s keys that she left on the side table. Aria is really bad at secretly snooping, guys. Really bad.
Mari: Ezra has all of the snooping abilities in that relationship, for sure.
Jessica: He picks them up, then sees the cookbook, then (and only then) notices the wide open window. We dun-dun-dun to his murder face. Which is obviously tough for the actor, because they’re probably telling him “now look murder-y, but not like, too murder-y, so we can love you later.” (M: A+)
Suddenly it’s nighttime and Aria is running back to her car, but of course can’t find her keys. She starts running through the forest. Cut to Ezra, yelling out her name, also running through the woods at night.
Intercuts between the two of them running through the forest. Ezra, using his knowledge of teenage girls, pulls out his phone and calls Aria. It rings once before she turns it to silent, but that’s enough Marco Polo for Ezra to go crashing through the trees after her. She doesn’t move as he comes closer and closer, until he stops right next to the bush she’s hiding behind. He screams her name, while she flinches, and yell-asks why she won’t come talk to him. Aria puts her hand over her mouth to keep her breathing quiet, and their relationship is finally the horror movie story we’ve always known it was.
Sweeney: Even if I know it won’t last, there is still something gratifying about this moment.
Jessica: A crackle in the bushes somewhere else draws him off. She sees a sign for a ski lift (?) and runs off.
Reptile House of Shady Hand-offs. Hanna and Emily are staring at the figure they think is Spencer, wondering why she’s not moving. They, meanwhile, are hiding behind glass. Behind. Glass. (M: So good at this!)
Hanna asks Emily if she thinks Ezra will show up, but she’s not sure. As the figure starts walking toward the money, Spencer shows up behind them, saying sorry she’s late and putting on a blonde wig. Emily and Hanna freak out and run back toward the money. I exhibit no surprise.
Woods. Aria runs up and gets on the ski lift for reasons unknown to me. She struggles to pull down the bar, then as soon as she does, Ezra is somehow sitting right next to her. She freaks out as he says he didn’t mean to scare her. The lift starts up, taking them into the air.
Reptile House. Emily, Hanna and Spencer chase after the figure, but the door she went through won’t open. The lights suddenly go out, and start flickering in all the exhibits. Flickering lights, as we all know, are A’s calling card.
They freak out and try to leave. The zoo exhibit speaker system starts spouting its snake facts, including how terribly dangerous and poisonous they are. They start pounding on the doors. Emily notices the coffee bag o’ cash on the ground and goes to pick it up. As she does, someone grabs her arm. It’s a zoo employee, who seems not at all worried about the exhibit gone wild. He tells them the zoo is closed and they should leave. They say they got locked in but are leaving now, kthxbye. As they go, Hanna notices another blond wig near one of the exhibits.
Ski Lift of Terror. Aria screams for someone to help, while Ezra shushes her. “I know you’re upset, but just hear me out.”
The ski lift stops, leaving them suspended and unmoving. Ezra says he can explain what she saw, so Aria turns on him, accusing him of knowing Alison. He admits it, and says he wanted to tell her but was afraid she wouldn’t forgive him.
“I met Alison in college. She lied about her age and I believed her.” Wasn’t she like, 14 at the time?
Sweeney: YUP. 14. AND HE WAS IN COLLEGE. Probably grad school, given the rest of the timeline and the fact that he worked at a college and thus has to have at least an MA.
Jessica: Aria doesn’t want to hear it. “Nothing you say will change anything!” she yell-cries at him. She accuses him of getting Ali pregnant and wanting her dead.
Ezra claims never to have hurt Ali, and that he was writing a book about her. “A true crime book.” He claims he wanted to get to the bottom of her disappearance.
Aria asks if he knew who she was when they first met, and he says yes. Gross!!! Alison is his reason for moving to Rosewood, applying for a job, and getting with Aria. “So that’s all I was to you? Research?” He claims he wanted to be a good reporter and do anything to get the story. “But I promise you, I didn’t know I was going to fall in love with you.” He says he’s lied to her about everything except his feelings for her.
Mari:
SERIOUSLY? “I’m not A, I’m just a super creepy stalker writing a book?” I HATE EVERYTHING.
Sweeney: EVERYTHING IS THE WORST FOREVER.
Jessica: Perfect gif selection. Ezra might not be A, but in some ways, he is worse.
He stopped writing the book when he realized he loved her, then started it again when they broke up, and (somehow) his research led him to finding out that Ali’s alive. Aria can’t believe that she defended him to her family and friends. He apologizes and says he’ll burn the book.
“Burn it? BURN IT?” Aria yells. She’s going to read it cover to cover, but she pulls it out of her purse and holds it up in the air for emphasis or something, (S: WHAT COULD GO WRONG?) and of course when he reaches for it the pages all go flying and land on the ground below.
Montgomery Manse. Mike and Mona come back from their date. Mike leaves the room to get drinks, Mona sits on the couch and Aria stumbles in through the front door. She ignores Mona’s question if she’s ok and walks silently past. Probably dizzy from the teleport from the middle of the ski lift to her front door.
Hastings Household. Spencer arrives home to Toby, who said her mom was worried about Spencer and called him looking for her. Her mom calls from the other room and he hands her a small black box, saying there was a dinner that went with it that doesn’t matter. She tries to keep him from leaving as her mom comes down the stairs, but he goes.
Mariska Mom confronts Spencer about the call from the doctor’s office. Spencer apologizes but Mariska Mom says she (herself) can’t go through this again, because she has to make it about her and can’t just parent her youngest daughter. MM is going to call Spencer’s dad, and then guilts her about missing her “beautiful evening” with Toby. She walks away and Spencer opens the box from Toby. It’s a necklace, with a Scrabble tile “S” and it’s really sweet. Spencer cries.
A-tag. A black-gloved hand picks the pages of Ezra’s manuscript up off the ground, which I guess he and Aria just left there after they escaped the ski lift. And now I just feel sorry for A, who’s going to have to read through Ezra’s bullshit book to figure out what order the pages go in.
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Everyone is worried about Aria after she finds out her pedo-man is the worst in S04 E20 – She’s Come Undone.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
