Charmed S02 E08 – For some reason.

Previously: Frosted Jerk was a twin and still a jerk.
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P₃ H₂O

Marines: We start at someplace called Camp Skylark. Prue is staring at a lake and she broods all the way into a flashback of the day Mama Halliwell drowned. We watch her being zipped up into a body bag, while Baby!Prue yells for her mommy. A police officer scoops her up, but then just puts her down within dead-mommy-viewing distance. Thanks a lot, cop. In the present, Prue is still crying and staring at the lake.

Stephanie: I had no idea this was how Mama Halliwell died. Was I supposed to?

Mari: I think they’ve mentioned it, mostly in connection to Prue’s fear of drowning. I have a vague memory of Prue being drowned by a demon, while in a tub? I think that demon was in her mind, too. I may be mixing up story lines.

Piper calls to check in on her sister. Prue lies about being stuck in traffic on her way back home from an estate sale. Piper seems a little bit suspicious, but not suspicious enough to miss another call coming through on the line. Prue hangs up and walks closer to the lake. There is some creepy murmuring sound effects as she does and the camera pans up above her head for a maximum SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT vantage point.

Out on the lake, there is some sort of ranger on a boat. The water beneath him starts rumbling and soon, he’s pulled into the water. He yells for help and Prue starts running in that direction. Some other dude runs out and grabs Prue. He tells her it’s too late. When she looks back at the lake, Some Sort of Ranger is gone. When she looks behind her Too Late Dude is also gone. Was there nothing a little squinting could do? Surely you could at least attempt a rescue with your telekinesis?

I AM THE SAHN.

Moody music and establishing shots. Piper walks through the Halliwell Manor on the phone. When she sits down and pours herself some cereal, she tells Dan she’s pouring. He replies, “chewing.” I’m with Phoebe’s general eye roll attitude and desire to puke.

Steph: I continue to not feel bad about liking Phoebe the best. Or hating her the least, rather. 

Mari: I continue to judge you less.

Prue storms in and Phoebe is confused, because she told her sisters she was going into the office (with her crop top shirt on). Piper ends the call with Dan. In a really prolonged way, Prue admits that she lied about traffic and was actually at the lake. Plus, she saw someone drown. Prue has to get to Buckland to drop stuff off, but then she’s heading back. Though she’s worried other will drown, she refuses to believe, that the monster in the lake was responsible for her mother’s death.

Buckland. Prue walks into her office to find Frosted Jerk Jack sitting at her desk and thumbing through her papers. He’s the worst. He says some crap about her office being bland. I hate him. Jack says that since Prue said they can’t work together and date, and since she won’t date him, he decided to accept an offer at Buckland. I hate him. He’s wearing a collared shirt, a suit jacket, tie and basket ball shorts. I hate him. He’s temporarily sharing an office with Prue until he has his own. He leans back as he smarms about getting comfortable. He falls over and I can’t even enjoy it, because it’s meant to be cute. I hate him.

Steph: On the bright side, Leo and Piper scenes don’t seem so bad anymore after watching these two. 

Mari: That’s a very questionable bright side.

Murder Lake. Piper and Phoebe are sitting with the owner of the camp. She’s decided not to reopen the camp after all, because of the murder lake and all. Piper asks her about the man Prue saw, kind of older, kind of crazy. Camp Lady says that’s Sam, who has no friends and who knows what he’s capable of. I have no idea why that awkward “who knows what he’s capable of!” was tacked on. Maybe I’m prickly about it, not only because it’s horrible writing, but because I almost feel like someone could say that about me. “That Mari! She has no friends and who knows what she’s capable of!”

Steph: Huge, “wait… what?” moment over that line here too. I’m the most lonery loner on this planet, so I guess that makes me one step short of crazy. Thanks, Charmed!

Mari: Prue pulls up to the camp in a fresh crop top. Camp Lady tells Prue she’s looking more and more like her mother every day. I guess that’s an awkward thing to say, but Prue makes it more awkward when she says it’s actually Piper who resembles their mom the most. Phoebe saves the situation by saying they all resemble her in their own way. Camp Lady tells them to visit again and the 3Ps give her noncommittal yeah-okays.

In the lake, something bubbles. We briefly see the 3Ps through lake-monster-vision.

Jack calls to say he’s taking Prue’s 12 o’clock meeting. Hold on one second. I’m sorry but I had to do it: I just Googled Jack. He sticks around until episode 12. Fine, whatever, it’s a spoiler, but I needed that to help me survive. Only 3.5 more episodes of your crap, Jack.

 

Steph: I hope his departure comes with a death scene. 

Mari: One can only hope.

Anyway, Prue has feels about how she feels like she’s turning into their mother and it terrifies her. I think Phoebe is wearing a skirt over her pants. Sam is hiding in a bush, watching them.

Out on the lake, a boat is slapping against the dock which is a sure sign of murder. Instead of being all, “well a boat knocking against the dock never hurt no one,” Camp Lady goes to investigate. A monster super jumps out of the water, grabs Camp Lady, and jumps back into the lake with her.

The 3Ps find Sam’s cabin and start poking around. He’s got very suspicious things, like articles on all the drownings and old timey documents.  Just as Piper discovers letters from her mom to Sam (presumably), Leo TINKLES in and tells them they have to go. As is par for the course, Leo tells them they have to do something and they all just stand there and go, “no.” Prue wants to know who Sam is. Leo rather reluctantly tells them that Sam was their mother’s white lighter. The episode description told me that and it took 14 minutes of episode to get here. Every Charmed recap represents a small eternity.

Steph: I didn’t read the synopsis and that didn’t make this reveal any more exciting. 

Mari: Outside and after a not!break, Leo tells the girls that after Patty died, Sam clipped his wings and became mortal. Piper wonders that he knew this all along and didn’t tell them. He cycles through a bunch of excuses I don’t quite follow but that ran from, “I couldn’t tell you!” “what difference would it make!” “it would be a distraction” and “you had to face this sooner or later.” All very valid reasons for not using your words, I’M SURE.

Phoebe can’t believe that Sam let their mother die, which is a weird place to land with this whole revelation. I mean, hasn’t each of the Charmed ones already died once? It happens.

Leo tells them they are way behind and need to get back to the Book of Shadows to figure out how to defeat the demon. Phoebe’s all, “UGH. YOU ARE SO UNFEELING RIGHT NOW, WANTING US TO DEFEAT THE DEMON WHO KILLED OUR MOM.” I really don’t understand these reactions. I feel like maybe I missed something and should rewind, but lol. Can we just make a no rewind rule official on Charmed recaps? I feel like it would make things more interesting.

Steph: Fine with me. Rewatching a scene doesn’t help me understand what’s happening any better anyway. 

Mari: Piper snidely remarks that Leo doesn’t do personal anymore. He just does his job. UM. BECAUSE YOU DUMPED HIM? ARE WE ALL WATCHING THE SAME SHOW? AM I REALLY FORGETTING THIS MUCH? Leo says that since he’s done his nearly impossible job of trying to protect these girls, he’s off to go wash his hair forever.

Steph: Never mind what I said before. Leo and Piper scenes are still the worst. At least we know Frosted Jack will be gone soon. Leo is forever. 

Mari: Depressing.

Phoebe and Piper want to talk to Prue about her feels, but they hear Camp Lady screaming (S: Accompanied by some very bizarre circus music). They see her struggling in the water. Piper and Phoebe try to reach out and help her, but Prue stays a couple of steps behind to have a quiet moment of emotional trauma. This goes on until Sam comes running over, telling them to get off the dock, because the Lake Monster has taken Camp Lady over. Sure enough, Camp Lady disappears and the girls just keep staring at the water, like idiots. Lucky for them, I guess the Lake Monster is just staring back, because it doesn’t actually attack, or anything. They manage to run off safely.

The 3Ps tell Sam they know who he is. Phoebe doesn’t want to talk to him, though, because she blames him for their mother’s death. He might as well be the water she drowned in, amIright? Sam babbles about how the monster can’t be defeated because it’s made out of water. He tells the girls they aren’t strong enough to beat this thing and should leave. Prue isn’t going anywhere, so Sam calls her willful, just like her mother. Prue, sensing that we haven’t been reminded about her emotional trauma recently, is all, “I’M NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER OKAY?” Prue says Sam can either help them or get out of their way.

What he actually does is blow sparkle dust in their face (which he keeps in all his jean pockets! Never know when you’ll need sparkle dust) and tells them to go home and forget about the demon.

The next morning, the girls are in rough shape. Piper’s even got a poison ivy rash. The doorbell rings and it’s Dan with breakfast. Piper doesn’t remember making breakfast plans, so there is some confusion. Leo TINKLES into the house, so Piper freezes Dan and asks Leo why he’s creeping. Phoebe and Prue make it downstairs and also have no idea why Leo is talking about a lake and camp. Leo quickly guesses that Sam gave them “a supernatural mickey,” (LOL. WHUT.) and it starts wearing off right at that moment. This was a terrible plan, Sam.

Piper shoos everyone away and unfreezes time so she can tell Dan she can’t have breakfast. He’s nice and understanding and is just so happy that Piper can tell him anything. Leo is on hand to give the requisite, “NOT.” Prue and Phoebe push Piper upstairs to be on Book of Shadows duty, since she’s contagious.

At the camp, lots of kids are arriving, because no one sent them the lake monster memo. After a not!break, Prue and Phoebe arrive as well. Prue’s suddenly come up with a plan: they are going to use Sam’s supernatural mickey dust to make all the kids forget they want to go in the water. (S: What. How is this a good idea?) Phoebe runs off to distract the kids while Prue goes after Sam. First, though, she’s going to have a feels chat with Sam about how he’s been watching people die in the lake for many years. Prue knows he’s a Good Guy, even though he’s not a white lighter anymore. Sam admits that the only reason he stayed was because he knew the P’s would show up one day. Sam hands over his supernatural mickey dust and says he’ll try to face his demons, but he wonders if Prue will be able to face hers.

Manor. Leo is white lighter speed reading the Book of Shadows, but can’t find anything useful, OF COURSE. Piper tells him he can leave her to itch in peace. Leo tried to heal Piper but it didn’t work. Apparently, he can only heal when the Powers That Be Contriving allow him to. When it’s ~*meant*~ to be. (S: I can’t with this show.) Piper is going through some laundry and the Piano of Meant To Be starts up when she finds Patty’s letters to Sam in her pocket. Piper is surprised to find they are love letters.

Phoebe is trying to entertain the kids who all want to go swimming.

Steph: Wait. I’m really confused. Who’s in charge of these kids? Were they just dropped off at a lake without any supervisors? 

Mari: Probably!

Prue and Sam come in and Phoebe is still being mean, since he is practically the water that drowned her mother. Prue gets a call and steps outside to take it. It’s Jack and there’s some crap about a client and a conference call and Jack speaks in Japanese and gets the client to buy a thing. I’m the best recapper ever.

Steph: I’m not even mad. We could stop including the Jack scenes all together and I’m sure it wouldn’t make a difference. In fact, if we gloss over all the relationship filler, we could probably get these recaps down to 250 words. 

Mari: That is not an exaggeration.

Phoebe blows the mickey dust and tells the kids that water bad, land good. (And now we are all thinking of “fire bad, tree pretty.) (S: And unless someone helps those kids realize they were hit with magic powder, they’re all going to hate water forever now, right?) (M: Yes. It’s a good thing they all have negligent parents who send them off to an unsupervised camp and probably won’t care that they never shower.)

Back at the manor, Piper and Leo are still reading love letters and Piper says it’s like she could’ve written them herself. Leo husky-whispers that he wishes she would’ve, but Piper doesn’t see what it would’ve changed. The last letter they read is about the water demon, and how Patty didn’t want Sam to be there because the demon was too strong. But not like THAT strong because she wasn’t even worried about defeating it. But like, strong enough to keep Sam contrivantly away? WHO KNOWS. Leo says that Piper needs to tell her sisters about Patty and Sam and help them defeat the water demon. Piper doesn’t think they’ll make it in time, but Leo can TINKLE them away. He husky whispers that he’ll have to hold her, though. Instead of a hand hold, they go for a full on feelsy hug.

Steph: Give me a minute to wipe away the vomit from my desk… Okay, continue. 

Mari: Camp. Sam says he doesn’t know how Patty was going to defeat the demon. Leo and Piper TINKLE in and announce that Sam loved Patty. He admits that he did and he was supposed to stay away from the lake, but didn’t. If only he would’ve followed the rules and not fallen in love! Then, he would’ve stayed away, Patty wouldn’t have been distracted and she would be alive. I don’t think I’m entirely following the logic of why he had to stay away and why it was so bad that he was there. Anyway, Sam didn’t see anything because Patty froze him to protect him right before she cam in contact with the demon. Prue says she knows someone who can see anything. Phoebe’s all, “SKRRT.” because Prue has been having emotional trauma all day, and now she’s asking Phoebe to relive their mother’s death. Prue knows it isn’t fair, but they gotta do it.

Phoebe takes Sams hands and flashes back to Patty setting up some power cables on the dock. Sam comes running and tells her to watch out, so she turns and freezes him. Patty turns back to the Lake Monster and it splashes into her. (S: I laughed. Whoops.) In the present, Phoebe breaks out of the vision with some deep, emotional coughs. She explains that the monster drowned their mother from the inside and the thing with the power cables. Piper says that makes sense, since electricity is the only thing that can separate water particles. Since freezing magically doesn’t work on the Lake Monster, though, it’s going to have to be Prue as the bait at the end of the dock.

After a not!break, Prue walks out onto the dock. Sam says he forgot how good “this” feels, which is kind of an awkward comment to make just then. Leo asks what it feels like to be mortal (um, wasn’t Leo once… never mind.) and Sam wonders why he would want to know. Leo looks over at Piper and Sam understands.

Sam walks out with Prue and stands nearby as she speaks to the Lake Monster and tells it to come and get her. The Lake Monster appears and Piper FOR SOME REASON yells Prue’s name and distracts her. Leo runs after Piper and Phoebe who are running onto the dock, so Piper FOR SOME REASON turns around and freezes Leo. Sam looks around all, “OH MY CATS, THIS IS THE SAME STUPID SHIT THAT ALREADY HAPPENED.” Sam gets in front of the demon and tells it to take him instead. The Lake Monster FOR SOME REASON is all, “yeah, cool. I’ll take you instead of the super powerful witch behind you. It’s cool.” The Lake Monster splashes into Sam and he’s aware enough to grab the power cables. He tells Prue to flip the switch and she does so with her telekinesis. Sam is electrocuted, the Lake Monster evaporates out of him and Leo unfreezes at that moment FOR SOME REASON and runs for the dock. Leo tries to heal Sam, but nothing happens. Wise Piper tells us it’s not meant to be.

Sam’s cool with dying anyway, because he finally defeated the Lake Monster and now he gets to be with Patty. Sam looks at Leo and says, “don’t lose her.” He looks to the side and sees spirit!Patty waiting for him. Prue sends a shoutout to her mom via a dying man, Sam dies, and spirit!Sam joins spirit!Patty. Everyone left alive is sad.

Steph: I can’t believe this actually happened. This whole scene was something that was shot, edited, and approved. I… what?

Mari: I DON’T KNOW.

Prue is at work wearing a crop sweater, open so you can see her bra.

She storms into her office and gives Jack this whole speech about how nothing he cooks up will surprise her. He hands her some paperwork to finalize the sale he worked on, listing her as the sales agent. He covered for her. Prue is surprised and flirtatiously asks him out to dinner. I hope we never have to see that dinner. We probably will and that makes me want to cry.

Steph: How else will they fill the next episode when the ten minutes of plot runs out? 

Mari: Manor. Phoebe is making a journal out of her mom’s letters. Leo TINKLES in and he and Piper sneak into the kitchen. They discuss the issues I still don’t totally understand but they CAN’T be together, see? Because they CAN’T. But they also CAN’T stop loving each other which means they CAN’T do their jobs. So, Leo is leaving because HE JUST CAN’T, OKAY? He TINKLES AWAY and Piper is sad.

Dan knocks on the back door since whenever he knocks on the front door, he never makes it in the house. He’s brought breakfast again but Piper is too sad to eat. Dan tells her to give it a try and Piper agrees to, but she still looks sad.

The end.

 

Next time on Charmed: Someone tries to murder the Ps’ faces off and Prue goes undercover in S02 E09 – Mrs. Hellfire.