Gotham S01 E12 – Electric Stuff

Previously: Some stuff and DR. INARA GRACED OUR SCREENS.
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What the Little Bird Told Him

Alex: It’s been nearly two months since I last wrote a Gotham recap, but it still feels like this one came around far too quickly. I know Sweeney and Mari have been feeling really guilty about asking me to recap this show with them, and all I can say is…

Sweeney: I love you. Fair gifset is fair.

Alex: We open with a shot of a newspaper blowing in the wind, and a glimpse of the headline shows that it’s about the escaped Lucid Inmate from last week, aka Jack Gruber. Wait, does this mean we’re not done with that story yet? But… but… that plot wasn’t even interesting enough for one episode, let alone two.

Mari: I’m just over here enjoying the use of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down.” This song is already thefts character on the show! 

Alex: Sadly, my fears are confirmed when Gruber himself appears on screen, stepping on the newspaper and carrying some kind of magic murder bag. (M: In plain view. Because Gothamites don’t even care.) His unfortunate victim from last week walks behind him, a bunch of electric stuff strapped to his torso. Spoiler alert: I have no idea how to refer to most of the electrical shit that Gruber uses in this episode. You can expect the term ‘electric stuff’ or similar to appear frequently throughout this recap. Anyway, they head to an electronics store (which probably sells all kinds of electric stuff) and ring the doorbell.

Inside the store, one guy is on the phone saying a lot of suspicious-sounding stuff about ‘the merchandise’ which probably means he’s some kind of criminal. (M: Gotham writers sure do help us a lot!) His colleague, meanwhile, goes to answer the door, but as soon as he touches the doorknob he’s electrocuted. It’s like that bit in Home Alone, only way less funny. The door opens and Probably A Criminal looks up in horror at Gruber, who asks ‘where’s my stuff?’

Mari: Damn, even criminals hate being WITHOUT THEIR STUFF.

Sweeney: Because it’s the absolute worst forever and ever.

Alex: GCPD. Essen is filling in her team on Gruber and Unfortunate Victim (Danzig). There’s apparently no record of Gruber existing before his incarceration at Arkham, which means that it’s probably an alias. She says that Commissioner Loeb is very worried about the escaped criminal on the loose, and is on his way up to talk to them.

Gordon arrives and demands to be included in the briefing because this is ‘his’ case, but Essen disagrees. Bullock rushes him out of the meeting and tells him to leave before the commissioner arrives, because he’ll get the blame for everything that’s happened at Arkham. He’s too late, though, as the commissioner shows up just at that moment. Loeb has a mini snark-off with Gordon, and then drags him into an office, calling for a seriously unimpressed Bullock to join them.

At the electronics store, Probably A Criminal is frantically explaining to Gruber that the ‘double cross’ wasn’t his idea. He leads Gruber into a back room which contains a bunch of electric stuff and shows him that he’s kept all his ‘experiments’ safe.  He begs Gruber not to kill him, but Gruber starts up a crazy villain speech about how the world is a factory full of broken machines, most of which need to be scrapped. Danzig grabs PAC and holds him still while Gruber lowers some kind of electric murder helmet onto his head.

Mari: I don’t know what you are fussing about. “Electric murder helmet” is 100% the correct, scientific term for it.

Alex: Back at the GCPD, Gordon continues to sass the commissioner and suggests that he’s in the pockets of some of the high-ups on the Arkham project, who can’t be too happy about the two escaped patients. Loeb asks why Gordon couldn’t just become a DA like his father, and Gordon’s all ‘because I decided to be a Professional Good Guy, duh’. He goes on to say that he knows what Gruber’s next move will be, but refuses to share that information because… IDK. Because of reasons. Somewhere during this conversation Bullock interrupts to do some commissioner-ass-kissing and just generally be The Worst. I hate Bullock so much. The commissioner eventually agrees that Gordon can have 24 hours to find the criminals. Gordon accepts and leaves the office, only to admit to Bullock that he was lying back there and doesn’t actually have a clue where to find the bad guys. WHAT.

NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE. WHY IS EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO FUCKING STUPID?

I think I’d better go pour myself some more wine.

Mari: 

 

Sweeney: Always a favorite. Look at all the other shows we could be watching!

Alex: Sigh. At one of those miscellaneous Gotham apartments which all use the exact same set, there’s a funeral happening. A dead guy I don’t recognise is lying in the middle of the room, surrounded by mourners. One of them is Falcone’s girlfriend Liza. The aria she used to lure Falcone is playing, and she has a small child on her lap. I have literally no clue what is going on right now. The camera zooms in on the child’s face and fades into a shot of Falcone… and OH! I just got it. This is his flashback, right? And ‘Liza’ is actually his mother? Got it. Well, that’s creepy. Present-day Falcone is under a bridge listening to some guy’s pleas for mercy. Falcone apologises (but not very sincerely) and walks away as one of his goons shoots the guy in the head.

Later, Falcone and Liza wander through the streets of Gotham and discuss how far he’s come in the world. He tells her that she should get out and live her life, maybe even find a nice husband, and offers to help her set up her own business. She tucks a pink flower into his buttonhole and says that she’d rather stay with him. I was sure he’d already figured out that she was a mole, but either I’m wrong or he’s just really good at hiding it.

At the GCPD, Gordon is happy to be back. Bullock tells him that this makes him ‘like a human rollercoaster, except that you only go down’, because Bullock is terrible with words (and also in general).

NYGMA! I’d almost forgotten that this guy even existed, and that he makes the show about 2% more bearable whenever he’s on screen. Stick around, old friend!

Nygma has been running fingerprints and has discovered that Gruber is actually a ‘career criminal’ called Jack Bukinski, and that he requested his own transfer to Arkham. Someone must have been bribed to change the files. Bullock tries to ask for more information, but Nygma suddenly loses interest when he sees Kristen Kringle nearby. He rushes over to talk to her, but she isn’t in the mood to chat since he apparently left a cupcake on her desk… with a live bullet in it. She is suitably creeped out and walks away as he tries to protest that it was meant to be ‘a riddle’.

Mari: What do a street harasser and a baker have in common? I’m confused.

Alex: Bullock and Gordon meet with Essen and explain that Bukinski pulled off four bank robberies until the GCPD caught him ‘by accident’. Sounds about right. They never caught his partners or found out their identities. They guess that he somehow got himself a new identity as a mental patient at Arkham, and then they repeat the thing about his partners again, word-for-word. Just making sure we definitely heard that part, I guess. Just then, one of the other cops brings a note to Bullock, and he leaps up excitedly when he reads it.

The note turns out to be a tip about the stolen Arkham van which Danzig and Gruber appear to have just dumped right in the middle of the road, outside the electronics store. Sigh. One of the most infuriating things about this show (a very long list of infuriating things) is that the cases-of-the-week pretty much always solve themselves thanks to all the criminals doing ridiculously stupid/helpful things like this.

Mari: I still don’t actually know what this show is about, but it appears to be just giving us villains of the week, right? And occasionally building up other villains. None of this is fun or exciting if your villains are stupid as hell, Gotham. Just FYI.

Alex: Anyway, Gordon and Bullock check out the electronics store and find poor dead Doorknob Guy ‘fried like a donut’. Well thanks, Bullock. Now I’m both grossed out AND hungry. A little further into the shop, they find Probably A Criminal Guy in a zombified state, scratching something into a wall.

Streets of Gotham. Liza and her bodyguard are taking a stroll when a couple of guys suddenly appear, shoot the bodyguard and bundle her into a nearby car with a hood over her head. Some time later, the hood is removed and she discovers that she’s actually at Fish’s bar. Fish explains that it’s time to ‘make her move’ on Falcone.

Fish calls Falcone and, through a voice changer, tells him that they have Liza and she has a ‘low pain threshold’. She turns off the voice changer and holds the phone out to Liza so that she can yell ‘Please. No. Stop.’ in the most unconvincing tone imaginable. (S: Word. She needed some acting coaching before going on this assignment, but I’m not surprised that Fish overlooked that.) Falcone buys it though, because he’s an idiot. How disappointing. He begs them not to hurt her. Fish hangs up and says they’ll let him sit and think about his life for a while before they do anything further.

Dr. Inara arrives at the GCPD. Oh, honey. You’re still on this show? I’m so sorry. (M: But thank you for gracing our screens.) Bullock is reading a headline which dubs Gruber ‘The Electrocutioner’. Some of you speculated on this in the comments last week, but the show took a whole one episode to confirm it! I think that’s a new record. Nygma geeks out over Gruber’s totally awesome new nickname, and also hands them each a pair of rubber boots to help them avoid being electrocuted if they manage to find him. Bullock refuses, on account of being The Worst, but Gordon accepts his.

Mari: A+ gif game.

Sweeney: Agreed! It’s almost good enough to make me feel better about watching this show. Not quite, but almost!

Alex: Aww, thanks guys. I try to be my best.

Inara approaches Gordon and they make small talk, until Bullock interrupts. Turns out that she’s brought them a creepy doll, which was made by a pagan sorceress on the female wing. The doll was made in the likeness of a ‘Mr. M’, at Gruber’s request, as part of a curse. Did someone just say something about the villains in this show leaving ridiculous clues for the cops to find? Allow me to present Exhibit B.

Gordon asks ‘who does this look like to you?’ and I honestly have no idea, Jim. I mean, obviously I know who it’s supposed to be thanks to the ‘Mr. M’ thing, but the doll itself looks kind of like the lovechild of Vladimir Putin and Mr. Potato Head. Does that help? (M: A-freaking-plus.)

We cut to Don Potatohead (aka Maroni) sitting in a restaurant with Penguin and some other goons, telling a hi-larious story about pulling out someone’s teeth. I have a dentist appointment in the morning. I really didn’t need to hear that. The Electrocutioner has now stolen a van from the electronics store, which is parked outside the restaurant.

Penguin excuses himself from the table to take a call from Falcone, who fills him in on Liza’s kidnapping and asks him to get there immediately. After he hangs up the phone, Penguin does a bit of muahaha-ing and mutters to himself about how Fish is ‘mine now’, before he snaps out of it and returns to the table.

Mari: His entire evil aside with people SITTING JUST BEHIND HIM made me pull a Liza: PLEASE. NO! STOP!

Ales: He tells Maroni that his mother is sick, and Maroni gives him permission to leave. When Penguin touches the doorknob, though, he’s unfortunately electrocuted. Another guy stumbles into the restaurant holding some kind of fancy-looking electric grenade-type-thing, which explodes in a blinding flash.

A little later, everyone stumbles out of the restaurant, looking a bit beaten-up and confused but mostly OK. Maroni is sitting in an ambulance being interrogating by Gordon, who guesses that Maroni was one of Gruber’s unknown partners in the bank robberies. He wants to put Maroni into protective custody so that they can lure Gruber to them. Suddenly, Penguin sits up on his stretcher in a post-electrocution stupor and announces that he has urgent business with Don Falcone, before collapsing again. Maroni thinks murderous thoughts.

The cops bring Maroni, still-unconscious Penguin and the rest of the gang back to the GCPD.

Barbara (ugh) arrives at a big fancy mansion dragging a load of luggage with her. She explains to the guy at the door that this is her parents’ house, and he raises an eyebrow but lets her in. She sits and awkwardly drinks tea with her parents while lying about how everything’s all fine and dandy with Gordon. Her folks say it’s nice to see her, but they make it clear that they couldn’t be less keen to have her come stay with them for a while and grudgingly agree that she can stay until the weekend if she likes. Her mum, by the way, is also SPIKE’S MUM. Amazing.

GCPD. Maroni is charming the pants off most of the cops, who are gathered all around him chuckling at his jokes. Bullock bitches that they shouldn’t be keeping Maroni here, but Gordon reckons Bukinski is arrogant enough to come after Maroni in a station full of cops. Penguin finally wakes up and asks how long he’s been out for, saying that he still really needs to go see his mother. Maroni just murder-stares at him for a while until Penguin eventually stammers that of course he’ll just stay here. Maroni confronts him about the ‘urgent business with Falcone’ thing and Penguin looks guilty as hell.

Sweeney: But, you know, will still get away with outing himself because these menacing we-run-this-town mob bosses are fucking morons.

Alex: Falcone’s place. His phone rings and it’s Fish, as herself this time, saying that she’s been asked to act as an intermediary for the deal. This time he isn’t fooled. Falcone tells her to STFU because she’s always been the ‘smart one’.

Fish does her weird annoying finger-waggle thing, even though she’s on the phone and he can’t actually see her doing it. She drops the act and tells him that if he agrees to leave Gotham, Liza won’t be hurt and can even go with him. Falcone agrees and Fish says she’ll make the arrangements. Butch congratulates her and says that they should have some drinks to celebrate, but Fish scolds him for disrespecting Falcone like that. Liza agrees to leave town with Falcone and keep up the act for a while, admitting that she genuinely likes him. Fish says that it doesn’t matter how she feels, as long as she never tells him the truth.

Meanwhile, Falcone is talking to Zsasz, who wants to be allowed to solve the Liza situation with violence. Falcone refuses and gets mopey because nobody even likes him anymore. Should probably stop killing people at dinner parties, amirite?

Mari: I mean, at least wait until everyone has had their spaghetti.

Alex: He’s made up his mind to leave with Liza and asks Zsasz to keep everyone safe.

GCPD, records room. Nygma explains to Kristen that the bullet-in-a-cupcake was meant to signify that ‘a beautiful woman is a dangerous thing’. She looks both touched and confused by this. A male cop enters and tells Nygma to back off and stop bugging the lady. Nygma stammers out another riddle and leaves, apologising for offending her. She looks like she almost feels bad for him, but then while he’s still in earshot she thanks the cop and complains that Nygma is ‘so weird’. Poor Ed is heartbroken.

Sweeney: I mean, I get that this show is pushing the “poor Ed” thing, but also, he is fucking weird and blatantly ignoring Kristen’s efforts to tell him to back the fuck off. Pro-tip, gentlemen: leaving ladies bullet cupcakes will definitely make you a creepasaurus and there should probably be some sort of professional reprimand for doing that shit to a coworker. GIRL’S JUST TRYING TO DO HER JOB, and he’s running around ruining perfectly good cupcakes!

Alex: Agreed. I feel sorry for Ed and his severe lack of social skills, but I can’t blame Kristen one bit for being extremely creeped out. I’m very worried that the show is pushing Ed’s story down the ‘I became a supervillain because girls wouldn’t date me’ route, and that’s deeply disturbing.

Bukinski is outside the GCPD, doing something electrocution-y (IDK) to the walls while Danzig stands guard. Inside, Penguin is swearing on his mother’s life that he has no business with Falcone. Maroni eventually says that he believes him and sends him off to see his mum. However, just then the room starts shaking. The lightbulbs all burst and lightning flashes all around the room as everyone collapses.

Bukinski enters with a bunch of electric stuff attached to his chest. He clambers over the unconscious police officers, complaining that they were only stunned rather than ‘cooked’. Suddenly Gordon pops up behind him with a gun pointed at his head. Nygma’s rubber boots did indeed save him from electrocution. Good job, Ed! Bukinski points some kind of electricity-laser at Gordon’s gun, forcing him to drop it just as he’s tackled by Danzig. As they grapple, Bukinski asks why he’s even bothering to protect these people, and Gordon’s all ‘Because I’m a GOOD GUY! Did nobody get the memo??’.

Bukinski just wants to kill Maroni so that he can get on with his life, but Gordon won’t allow it. He eventually overpowers Danzig and tells Bukinski that he’s going back to Arkham. Bukinski responds that Gordon pretends to care about people, but it’s really just about his own ego and the fact that he hates to lose. As he speaks, he flicks a switch on the whatever-it-is he’s got strapped to his chest, and it starts making ominous charging-up noises, and then… Gordon throws a glass of water at it and it dies.

OK, I’ll admit that I laughed, but no. No, show, this is not acceptable. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t spend two episodes being all deathly serious and ‘this guy is a super dangerous villain and this is srs bsns’ and then change your mind at the last minute and decide to be funny instead. This is yet another of my many issues with this show. It just can’t settle on one tone or decide what kind of show it’s trying to be. Sometimes it seems to be taking itself extremely seriously, and then the writers just go ‘fuck it’. I can think of many, many shows which successfully balance drama and humour, and which would probably have been able to pull off this little twist, but here it’s just seriously eye-roll inducing.

Mari: Especially considering that dead serious look on Gordon’s face as he flings water. TAKE THAT.

Sweeney: YES TO ALL OF THIS. I actually wish it would run with this camp thing and give up on trying to take itself seriously. There’s a moment right before the opening credits where Gordon’s all, “I lied,” and they zoom in on Bullock’s face and it was just begging for some sort of, “Yeah, lying’s legit to me,” campy shrug from Bullock. I think because the show is just so far gone, I have little faith in its hope to be saved by going full SRSBSNS, and tend to err on the side of camp as its only (unlikely) hope for salvation. Regardless, PICK A SIDE. Just pick one. Commit.

Alex: With those rants over, we see the commissioner posing for some victory photos with the now-arrested Gruber and making a big show of giving Gordon his badge back. So that was less than two episodes of him being fired before he got his job back? Sigh. This show. This fucking show. (M: Worst.) Gordon whispers to the commissioner that the next man who tries to take away his shield will be made to eat it. He walks away and Bullock warns him to watch out, because he’s pissing off a lot of people, but Gordon just tells him to chill and they head out to grab a beer. This is one of those annoying times where lots of end-of-episodey stuff is happening, but I can see that we’ve still got ten minutes left.

Falcone’s mansion. Penguin arrives and Zsasz gives him the stink eye, but Falcone says to let him be. Penguin apologises for taking so long to arrives, explaining that he’s been having a very bad day. Falcone tells him that he was right about Fish, and that she’s the one who took Liza. Penguin breaks the news that Liza is actually a plant, and Falcone is furious. He slaps Penguin and tells him to prove it. Penguin begs Falcone to believe him. The phone rings and it’s Fish, who says to meet at her place.

Fish’s bar. Falcone arrives, alone, and they greet each other respectfully. She tells him he just needs to sign some papers relinquishing his control over the ‘family’, and then he’ll be free to leave. He tells her that papers don’t make her a Don, and insists on seeing Liza before he’ll sign anything. Fish does a magic finger-waggle and Butch brings her in. Falcone approaches Liza and asks how long she’s known Fish. The jig is up: he realises that they’ve been using his feelings about his mother to manipulate him into loving Liza. Fish tries to protest, but Falcone has finally come to his senses and is disappointed in his own stupidity. Me too, Falcone. Me too. Suddenly a bunch of Falcone’s goons storm into the bar with big-ass guns. Wait, did it not occur to Fish that he might bring a bunch of guys with big-ass guns with him? So stupid. Everyone. This show.

Falcone apologises to Liza for her getting mixed up in this, and then grabs her around the neck and slowly strangles her to death. Fish looks as if she wants to intervene, but Butch holds her back. Falcone kisses the pink flower she gave him earlier, then drops it onto her body. He has his men take Fish and Butch away and lock them up. She starts to beg for forgiveness, but he shuts her down because using his own mother against him is unforgiveable. He thanks her for making him feel alive for the first time in years. He calls for someone to come out now, and in walks Penguin. Penguin greets Fish and cackles manically.

 

Oh no, this is bad. I’m even starting to find Penguin tedious now, and at one point he was my favourite part of the show.

Mari: Nothing good can last.

Alex: GCPD, men’s locker room. Dr. Inara walks in and finds Gordon channelling his inner Ryan Atwood in a wife-beater. She apologises for interrupting and says that she was just hoping to get her voodoo doll back, but then admits that it’s not the only reason she came. She looks embarrassed and turns to leave, but he calls her back and they smooch.

Sweeney: YOU DON’T EVEN REMOTELY DESERVE HER.

Alex: Unfortunately, they’re interrupted by a cop-blocking cop who informs Gordon that there’s been a big shoot-out at Fish’s bar, and the episode ends.

I’m aware that I’ve been SUPER ranty throughout this recap, so I’ll try not to go on much more, but I am seriously struggling with this show at the moment. I know that there are people out there who are really enjoying it, so I tried to seek out some positive reviews to see what I might be missing. And a lot of fans seem to feel that people who don’t like the show are just impatient, because it’s naturally going to move slowly given that it’s set so early in the Batman story.

I don’t subscribe to that at all. The show is slow moving in a lot of ways, but also moves ridiculously fast in others. We’re only on episode 12 and we’ve already met many of the major Batman villains. I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve left town, only to return dramatically a couple of episodes later, and of the continual double/triple/quadruple crosses that have been going on in the criminal organisations. Gordon was fired and then got his job back in the blink of an eye, and now we see him ‘finally’ hooking up with Dr. Inara after two episodes, one of which she only appeared in for two brief scenes. The show seems to tear down plotlines as quickly as it builds them up, so I don’t think ‘slow moving’ is the problem. The real problem is that… it’s just… it’s so bad, you guys. This is a bad show. It’s awful. Sorry.

 

Let’s see what you guys thought:

Is anyone in this city ever going to learn that when you run away as a criminal YOU DON’T IMMEDIATELY GO BACK?? #gothamsnark

— Ryan (@meatloafbandit) January 20, 2015

Jim Sassmaster Gordon, ladies and gents. #Gotham #GothamSnark

— Amelia Emberwing (@Browncoat_Auror) January 20, 2015

Liza’s “please no stop!” was not convincing. If she needs help, she can just listen to me watching #Gotham. #please #no! #stop! #GothamSnark

— Mari (@mynameismarines) January 22, 2015

@mynameismarines I have cable again so I was all.. Yay, #GothamSnark …but then the show started and I was like #pleasenostop

— GFM (@girlfrmmars) January 22, 2015

People don’t just look at each other awkwardly, smile, fail to flirt and then rush kiss for the first time. #GothamSnark

— Dutchface (@Dutchface) January 20, 2015

Looks like all our #gothamsnark-ers are now just reading recaps. We should just make up our own episodes and recap those instead @SnarkSquad

— Alex (@AlexTheAJ) January 20, 2015

@Jessicababb I’m counting this as your entry into #gothamsnark

— Mari (@mynameismarines) January 22, 2015

 

 

Don’t forget to join us next time with your #gothamsnark tweets, whenever you watch – we’ll keep checking up until we publish the post!

 

 

Next time: Fish has a really bad day on Gotham S01 E13 – Welcome Back, Jim Gordon.