Doctor Who S02 E04 – Time helps you get a head.

Previously: GILES. And, you know, aliens using small children to try and destroy the universe. Whatever. GILES.

The Girl in the Fireplace

Kirsti: We open at Versailles in the height of its opulence. Courtiers run and scream from an unseen threat. A man in a red velvet coat approaches a woman in a dress four times wider than she is, and tells her that they have to go. It’s Sophia Myles, who I know better as Beth from Moonlight and Beth from Spooks. Also as Fanny Price’s little sister from the Mansfield Park movie.

Marines: MOONLIGHT! It is my far away dream to recap some one-season-wonders a la Firefly, and Moonlight is way high on that list. Also, Sophia Myles was dating David Tennant at this point, which is fun.

K: Goodness, he really does have a type.

She stares at a broken clock and says, “he is coming.” She turns and informs the man that there’s been someone watching over her for her entire life and he won’t let her down. The man is all “The fuck are you talking about?”, and she tells him that this mystery guy is the only guy she’s ever loved besides him. He gets “I WILL CUT YOU” face, and she tells him to calm the fuck down and go take care of his wife, the queen, because she’s only his mistress. She crouches down and starts yelling into the fireplace about how it’s time. Her yelling ends with “Doctor!” just so that we know who the mystery man is. You know, in case we’re all incredibly dense.

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After the credits, it’s 3000 years later. The TARDIS vworp-vworps its way aboard an abandoned spaceship. Mickey gushes over how cool it is while Rose asks if there’s anything dangerous around. The Doctor’s all “Hahaha, NOPE. Oh wait. I should probably check”. He does some investigation and finds that the ship is indeed abandoned and it’s stationary, but there’s huge amounts of power going SOMEWHERE. Suddenly, they all realise they can smell something cooking and head off to investigate.

Mari: “Abandoned spaceship, that’s cool. WAIT IS THAT A ROAST I SMELL? FORWARD IN THAT DIRECTION!” #legit

Sara: Food trumps danger / everything else literally every time.

K: Truth.

The Doctor hits a button on the console and a door opens behind them. Inside is an opulent fireplace with a clock on it, just like the one from the teaser. The Doctor immediately dates it to the eighteenth century and informs us that it’s double-sided. He peers through and there’s another room on the other side. Rose looks through a porthole and announces that there’s nothing past them but space – the fireplace is up against the hull of the ship.

Just then, a young girl in a nightgown appears on the other side of the fireplace. The Doctor introduces himself, and she says that her name is Reinette and that she lives in Paris in 1727. She’s a little baffled about what he’s doing in her bedroom fireplace, but he claims it’s a routine check. Sure, dude, whatever. He sends Reinette back to bed, and informs Rose and Mickey that there’s enough power on the ship to punch a hole through the universe, and they’ve just found the hole.

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Rose is a little baffled by this concept, but the Doctor says Reinette’s French was right for the time. Mickey, meanwhile, is blown away by the fact that the TARDIS was translating French for him. The Doctor feels around on the fireplace and finds a button. When he presses it, the fireplace swings around, taking him with it.

Reinette sleeps as he walks around her room and peers out the window at Notre Dame. Reinette wakes suddenly and is freaked out by the strange man in her bedroom. Legit, girl. The Doctor’s all “Hey, I’m the weirdo in the fireplace from like 2 minutes ago, yeah?” and she informs him that she spoke to him in the fireplace months ago. Clearly, there’s a time disconnect between the sides of the fireplace. Just then, the Doctor notices the clock on the mantlepiece, which is ticking loudly. He declares it scary. Reinette is all “How is a broken clock scary?”, and he replies that there are no other clocks in the room and broken clocks don’t tick.

The Doctor tells Reinette to stay right in the middle of her bed and not move. He lies down on the floor and looks under the bed. There’s a man under there. The Doctor hits a button on the sonic screwdriver, and the man slaps it away.

Mari: I’m not sure what I would’ve done in this situation, but if there is a monster under the bed, probably the worst thing to do is crouch down next to it, right? I mean, really, what was his plan here?

K: It’s the Doctor. I don’t think he really has one.

When the Doctor looks back, all he can see are the man’s feet as he stands next to Reinette’s bed. The Doctor slowly stands and tells Reinette not to look behind her. There’s a nobleman there wearing a creepy Venetian carnival mask, and ticking loudly.

Sara: Every time someone says, “Don’t look now…” I immediately look now. If I am about to be murdered or have a cockroach jump on my head, I would like to know what’s coming, thanks.

K: Legit. 

The Doctor studies Reinette for a second and then demands to know why the Ticking Nobleman has been scanning her brain, why a kid’s brain is worth blowing a hole in the universe. Reinette freaks and turns around. The Ticking Nobleman says that she’s “incomplete“, and the Doctor demands to know what that means. The Ticking Nobleman jerkily walks towards him, and a blade shoots out of its hand. The Doctor assures Reinette that it’s just a nightmare as he and the Ticking Nobleman face off. The Ticking Nobleman gets its blade stuck in the mantle, and the Doctor jumps onto the fireplace plate and hits the button.

They spin around and return to the spaceship. He grabs a fire extinguisher that looks a lot like a space-age gun and douses the Ticking Nobleman, who freezes in place. Mickey and Rose fire questions at the Doctor, and he says that the Ticking Nobleman came from the spaceship and was on a field trip to eighteenth century France. He pulls off the carnival mask to reveal a mass of clockwork underneath. The Doctor gushes over it and says that it would be a crime to dismantle something so beautiful, but he’s totally going to do it anyway. The Clockwork Nobleman tilts its head and decides that that’s the worst plan ever. It teleports away.

Mari: Gotta say that I really like the glass, clockwork alien combo. It really is very pretty.

K: It really is. It’s a nice steampunk-y sort of a look.

The Doctor says that it can’t have gone far, and that under no circumstances are Rose and Mickey to look for it. They’re all “THE FUCK”, but he disappears back through the fireplace. Rose hefts the fire extinguisher gun and shoots Mickey a meaningful look. He’s initially hesitant because the Doctor said not to, but then he grins and grabs another fire extinguisher gun, and they dash off into the depths of the spaceship.

Meanwhile, the Doctor finds that the dollhouse and rocking horse in Reinette’s room have been replaced by a harp and a birdcage. He calls out to Reinette, saying that he’s just there to see that she’s okay but is greeted by Sophia Myles. She informs him that she thought it was only customary to have an imaginary friend during childhood and not when you’re a hot 20-something with boobs for days. (M: Heads up that I want to wear every single dress Sophia Myles rocks in this episode. She’s gorgeous.) He’s surprised but joins the dots quickly. He tells her that he’d better leave before her mother catches her with a strange guy in her room, but she insists that he’s not a stranger because she’s known him since she was seven. Also, she’s baffled by his lack of aging.

A servant calls out to her, and she calls back that she’ll be there in a moment. She pushes the Doctor up against the fireplace and kisses him passionately. The Doctor kisses her back. A servant calls out again, this time calling her “Mademoiselle Poisson“. Reinette dashes off, and the Doctor joins the dots on her name. The servant walks in and is all “Who the fuck are you?”. The Doctor replies “I’m the Doctor, and I just snogged Madame de Pompadour!” as he pushes the button on the fireplace and spins away with a laugh.

Okay, this is a total segue but I have to mention how much this squicks me out. I mean, literally two minutes ago for the Doctor, Reinette was seven years old. Now, he’s kissing her passionately. Yes, she initiated the kiss, but NO. NO NO NO NO NO. I get that he travels in time and space, and so seeing people at different stages of their life is to be expected. But not TWO MINUTES APART. It just…urgh.

Mari: But also, the Doctor is however hundreds of years old. Even 19 year old Rose is like a baby to him, which also, weird. So when you start applying time to him in that way, there is ALWAYS a squick factor. I’m not saying we shouldn’t, but until we see a glaring example like this, we tend to forget this. We ship, ship, ship like the Doctor is David Tennant’s age, when he isn’t. He’s kind of removed from traditional timelines and I’m sure to him this wasn’t even an issue. As a viewer, WAY TO REMIND US THIS IS WEIRD.

Sara: Considering how gorgeous Sophia Myles is, I can’t really blame the guy.

K: There’s definitely always a squick factor involved, but for me the jump from child to woman happening in the space of two minutes makes it EXTRA squicky.

Back in the 51st century, the Doctor is unimpressed to see that Rose and Mickey have wandered off, because “don’t wander off” is the first rule of being a companion. He heads down a corridor muttering to himself and comes face to face with a white horse, fully saddled. Elsewhere, Mickey and Rose find a security camera with a human eyeball in the middle of it. UUUUUUUUUURGH, EYEBALLS. (M: AHAHAHA.) Rose hears a thumping sound and opens an access panel to see a human heart wired into the spaceship. Gross.

The Doctor wanders the corridors calling out for Rose. The horse follows him. He finds a pair of wooden double doors, and opens them to find that they lead to the gardens at Versailles. He watches as Reinette walks with another woman, who I recognise as Gwen from the trailers of Merlin. Reinette and Katherine gossip about how the king’s mistress is dying and he’ll be looking for a replacement. Reinette looks around, and the Doctor hides.

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Back on the spaceship, Mickey asks if shit like this is normal. Rose tells him that there aren’t any normal days when you travel with the Doctor. They find a large window that looks into another eighteenth century French room. A man walks in, followed by an entourage, and Mickey scoffs at the scene. The Doctor appears to inform them that the man is Louis XV, and that he met a horse. Mickey wants to know what a horse is doing on a spaceship, and the Doctor replies, “Mickey, what’s pre-Revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective.” Fair. (M: Amazing.) He informs them that there are windows into eighteenth century France all over the spaceship, but they all lead into Reinette’s life. Just then, she enters the room and they watch through the glass as she meets the king for the first time.

The king leaves the room, and Reinette walks towards the glass to check her reflection. Just then, the Doctor notices that the clock on the mantlepiece across the room is broken. Reinette hears a noise and turns to see a woman standing by the window. She demands that she show her face, and the woman turns around to reveal that she’s a Clockwork Noblewoman. On the other side of the glass, the Doctor springs into action. He grabs Mickey’s fire extinguisher and flips the mirror. He greets a shocked Reinette and freezes the Clockwork Noblewoman. She keeps ticking, though, and he informs us that she’s thawing the ice and will shortly kill them all.

He tries to question her, but she won’t answer. However, she’ll listen to Reinette, and so they learn that the Clockwork Noblewoman is a repair-droid for the ship and that the reason the ship hasn’t moved in so long is because they didn’t have the parts to fix it. The Doctor asks where the crew are, and she repeats that they didn’t have the parts. The Doctor realises the droids used the crew as parts. That’s why the flight deck smelled like cooking. Okay, EW. (S: Less hungry now…) The Clockwork Noblewoman says that they only need one more part, and that Reinette is still incomplete. Rose wants to know why they’re so focused on Reinette, and the Clockwork Noblewoman replies “We are the same.” Reinette is all “Excuse you” and orders the Clockwork Noblewoman to get the fuck out. She teleports away. The Doctor sends Mickey and Rose back to the ship to chase down the Clockwork Noblewoman and just keep an eye on what she does.

Once they’ve gone, the Doctor turns to Reinette and says that he has to find out what the droids are after. He opens what I assume is some Timelord mind meld thing by cradling her face in his hands. Meanwhile, back on the spaceship, Mickey’s impressed by how much game the Doctor has. (S: LOL.) Rose gets pissy. Just then, they both get grabbed by Clockwork Nobles and injected with something. They both pass out.

Mari: And THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS when you are more focused on the Doctor’s game than the monsters you are following. 

K: Yup.

Versailles. The mind meld continues. She asks how he ever gets used to walking through another person’s memories, and he says he doesn’t make a habit of it. Unlike Harry Potter.

He wants to know how she can be twenty three and yet still incomplete. He looks deeper, examining her childhood. She starts talking about loneliness, and calls him Doctor, and he’s shocked to realise that she’s mind melding him right back. She asks him to dance with her, and he says he can’t. She’s meant to dance with the king. Reinette says she’ll make him jealous first, and then asks the age old question: “Doctor Who?“, earning us a round of shots. The Doctor asks what she saw, and she says that every lonely little boy must learn to dance. What. (M: I think she just really wants to dance.) She grabs his hand and pulls him away. (S: Remember when dance was code for sex? Mhm.) (K: OH. I’d forgotten that…)

Spaceship. Rose wakes to find herself tied up and surrounded by Clockwork Nobles. Mickey freaks out that they’re going to be chopped up and added to the spaceship. A Clockwork Nobleman informs Rose that she’s compatible. She’s all “Cool story, bro. Wait until the Doctor gets here” and proceeds to talk about the Daleks and how they had myths about the Doctor. Just then, the Doctor enters, drunkenly singing My Fair Lady. He’s got his tie wrapped around his head and starts gushing about how the French really know how to party. Rose eyerolls a little and grumbles “Look what the cat dragged in, the Oncoming Storm“, a line that never fails to make me laugh.

He tells her she sounds like her mother (RUDE) and that he’s been busy inventing the banana daiquiri a few centuries early. He gushes some more about bananas, then turns on the Clockwork Nobles. He says they’re his favourites because they’re so thick – “You’re Mister Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania. And so’s your dad.” Rose looks like she wants to kill him for this because the Clockwork Nobleman has a blade to her throat. The Doctor informs Rose and Mickey that the Clockwork Nobles think Reinette needs to be the same age as the ship before she’s ready – thirty seven. When she is, they’ll use her brain as the ship’s computer.

The Doctor pours his goblet of wine into the Clockwork Nobleman’s head, and all the gears seize up. The Clockwork Nobleman slumps over, and Rose sighs in relief.

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Suddenly sober, the Doctor informs her that it was actually some kind of special oil to stop moving parts from moving. The other Clockwork Nobles close in, but he flicks a switch on the command panel and they all slump. The Doctor frees Rose and Mickey and says that they need to shut down the time windows. Rose asks why they opened so many windows rather than just one to when Reinette was 37, and the Doctor says that the damage to the ship meant it was just trial and error, and they’re lucky they even hit the right century.

Just then, a bell rings and a report comes in from a Clockwork Noble in one of the windows. The Clockwork Nobles somehow come to life again in time to see the report, which says that Reinette is now compatible. They all teleport out. Cut to a fancy room at Versaille. Reinette hears footsteps and freaks, going to check if the clock is broken. It’s not, and the footsteps are just Rose. She says that she’s come to warn her that the Clockwork Nobles will come for her in five years. They don’t know the exact date, but it’ll be after her thirty seventh birthday.

Reinette asks what the fuck is going on, and Rose briefly explains that there’s a spaceship full of windows into her life. Reinette grasps it quickly, realising that that’s how the Doctor isn’t aging. Rose is impressed. She tells Reinette that the Clockwork Nobles might be coming to kill her, but that they’ll still respond to her so she needs to hold them off long enough for the Doctor to get there. Reinette’s unimpressed that the Doctor isn’t there to tell her this in person, but she understands that where you have the Doctor, you have monsters. She says that she’d put up with a ton of demons for the sake of an angel. Girl. Calm down.

Mari: Seriously. This is also squicky when you think about the impression the Doctor has made on this girl, dating to back when she was young and, you know, impressionable. Not purposefully, for sure, but damn.

Sara: This reminds me of the line Sarah Jane had a few episodes back, “Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.” The Doctor does have some serious game.

K: YUP.

Just then, Mickey calls out to Rose. She rushes over to where he’s standing – the access point for this time window is behind a tapestry. Very Hogwarts – and he tells her that they’ve found the right time window. But Reinette is right behind Rose, and walks through into the spaceship. Reinette stares around the corridor in horror. Screams come through a speaker overhead, and Mickey apologetically says that the Doctor fixed the audio loop to the 37 year old Reinette’s window. Reinette realises that she has to stay on the slower path to her future. Still, she starts when she hears her own voice making the speech from the teaser.

Mickey dashes off, but Rose stays and asks Reinette if she’s okay. She tearfully says that she isn’t.

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She turns and walks back through the tapestry to her life. Rose watches her go thoughtfully. Cut to 37 year old Reinette’s time window. Nobles scream and run as Clockwork Nobles walk through the crowd with their blades out. Reinette yells through the fireplace for the Doctor. The king says that they should leave because no one is coming to help. Three Clockwork Nobles walk into the room, their blades out, and Reinette has a childhood flashback.

Back in the ballroom, the Clockwork Nobles have herded everyone into a corner. Spaceship. Rose rushes up to the Doctor, who says that the Clockwork Nobles knew he was coming and have blocked off the time window. The Clockwork Nobles hustle Reinette back to the ballroom because their teleport has a limited range. Spaceship. Rose suggests that they go in the TARDIS, but for some inexplicable reason that isn’t an option. (M: Besides the “because of reasons” what are the odds the Doctor could land the thing in the right century?) Mickey suggests smashing the window, but the Doctor says that they’d need a truck to do so, and once they do, it’ll seal itself and there’ll be no way back.

In the ballroom, Reinette demands that everyone calm down and maintain decorum at Versailles. She has no intention of going with the Clockwork Nobles because their world is gross. They force her to her knees and hold blades to her throat. She coldly informs them that she’s not afraid of them. They’re just a childhood nightmare, and if her nightmare can come to life, so can theirs. (S: I love her almost as much as Queen V. ALMOST.) There’s a sound of galloping hooves, and the Doctor – riding the horse from earlier – smashes through the mirror above the fireplace. Everyone screams. He winks at Reinette as he passes. She smiles back at him, and the king’s all “THE FUCK IS THIS”, which seems pretty legit.

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Mari: He must be seeing these questionable effects as well. I’m with you, king. 

K: It’s funnier when you’ve seen the behind the scenes stuff and know that when Tennant did that little wink, he was basically on a Segway.

The Doctor walks over to a Clockwork Noble and removes its mask. He tells it that it’s over for both of them. He looks up at the fireplace, and where the portal to the spaceship was is now a brick wall. Back on the spaceship, Mickey desperately asks how the Doctor is going to get back. Rose just stares at the brick wall and weeps. Versailles. The Clockwork Noble mashes its teleport button, but nothing happens. The Doctor says that the link is broken and it can’t get back. Soon its clockwork will run out and it’ll die. The Doctor says they should accept it. All over the room, Clockwork Nobles stop ticking and slump over. The Doctor tells Reinette that they’re purposeless now.

Mari: BOOOOOOOOO. I’m sorry, but sometimes this show just does these things and I want to slap it. Just let the damn things die because the link to the ship was cut off. BAM. DONE. But noooooo, the Doctor has to make a dumb comment about how they are purposeless. Stop making it even more vague, show. We can suspend disbelief but adding concrete bits in will help ground the story.

K: Truth.

Spaceship. Mickey wants to know how they’ll get home because they can’t fly the TARDIS without the Doctor. Rose looks up at the stars outside the spaceship. Back at Versailles, the Doctor stares up at the same stars. Reinette says that she’s often wished she could see the stars a little closer. She’s impressed that he chose to trap himself there to save her, and asks if he can’t use one of the other time windows to get back. He tells her that the shock would have severed them all, and she says that he’s stuck with her, on the slow path. They toast to the slow path, then she takes his hand and pulls him to her bedroom a little tearfully.

She tells him that the fireplace is the original from her childhood bedroom, and she had it moved to Versailles in the hopes that it would give her a link to him if she needed it. She asks if he thinks it will get him back to the ship. He tells her that by moving it, she made sure it was offline when the connection was severed, so it might work. He sonics a few things, and tells her to wish him luck as he pushes the button. The fireplace spins and the Doctor finds himself back on the spaceship.

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He leans down to the fireplace and calls her name. When Reinette appears, he tells her to pack a bag because he’ll be there in two minutes to show her the stars. He dashes away and she rushes to the window and stares out into the night. Back on the spaceship, the Doctor hugs Rose tightly and tells her to always wait five and a half hours. Mickey heads into the TARDIS but Rose watches sadly as he runs back to the fireplace, calling Reinette’s name. There’s no answer, so he goes back through the fireplace to Versailles.

He wanders through the rooms, calling her name. Suddenly, he comes across Louis XV, staring sadly out a window. He tells the Doctor that he just missed Reinette and she’ll be in Paris by 6 o’clock. The king says that Reinette spoke of the Doctor many times, and hands him a letter from her. He crosses back to the window, and watches as a funeral carriage pulls out. He tells the Doctor that Reinette was only forty three, and that she died too young. He gets tearful, and asks what she wrote in her letter to the Doctor. The Doctor tucks it into his jacket unopened, and the king nods before turning tearfully back to the window.

Sara: This made me so, so sad. I don’t know what it was exactly. Maybe just how excited Reinette and the Doctor both were about looking at the stars. He told her just a minute, and she waited so long, and that is really sad. On the other hand, Mari and I talked about this episode after watching it and how it seems that women are always waiting around for the Doctor, and he always lets them down (whether by his own fault or not). I don’t know if this is going to be a regular thing that happens, but I can see how it would get old.

K: It makes me sad for Reinette. Not so much for The Doctor. And yes, it gets pretty damned old.

The Doctor sadly returns to the TARDIS as the tinkly orchestra tinkles. Rose asks why they thought Reinette was the solution to their problems, and the Doctor says they’ll never know. He says that the TARDIS can close the rest of the time windows now that the Clockwork Nobles have gone, and he tinkers with the console. Rose and Mickey watch him with feelsy expressions. Rose asks if he’s okay, and he gives a sad little smile as he replies “I’m always alright.” She stares at him sadly until Mickey assesses the situation, grabs her hand and pulls her away, demanding a tour of the TARDIS.

Left alone, the Doctor opens his letter and reads it sadly. Reinette voiceovers that she fears she’s reaching the end of her journey and bids “my love” to hurry to her side before she grows too weak. The Doctor tearfully folds the letter and puts it back in his pocket before turning to the TARDIS console and shutting down the link in the fireplace. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as the Doctor stands alone in the TARDIS control room, full of the loneliness that Reinette saw in him.

Cut to the spaceship. The TARDIS vworp-vworps away and we see that a portrait of Reinette was behind it. Our final shot is of the spaceship drifting through the black. As it spins, we see the name of the ship – the SS Madame de Pompadour, finally giving us the connection between Reinette and the ship that the Doctor couldn’t find.

I have really mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, I really love the idea of the monster of the week infiltrating someone’s entire timeline looking for a specific moment. And I love that Reinette can see past all of Ten’s jolliness and bravado to the scared and lonely man within. I love that for the second episode in a row, we get Rose realising that she’s not the only woman in the Doctor’s life, and that while he’s her entire world at the moment, she can’t be his. I love Reinette, because Madame de Pompadour is such a fascinating historical figure. And I love that the Doctor COULDN’T save the day for someone for a change.

BUT. The kiss is totally squicky. The horse makes zero sense, because they needed a truck to break through the glass but a horse can do it?? Reinette calling the Doctor “my love” when she’s spent like two hours with him over the course of her life is pretty sad. The whole putting-human-parts-into-the-ship idea was totally underused. And I can’t help but feel like this episode almost would have worked better as one of the companionless Christmas specials. So I love it. But I also really don’t like it. GAH, INTERNAL CONFLICT.

Mari: There were a few things I thought were eye-rolly, but over all, I had a good time watching this one. I love the little line of continuity it creates with School Reunion. These both seem to be about love and loss for the Doctor and those around him. How humans in his life tend to be heart broken by him and how he keeps finding people to love or admire, however briefly, because it is all brief to him. It must all seem like a flash in the pan for the “lord of time.”

The squicky bits were squicky, but I think even in the kiss itself, we see the Doctor taken aback and weirded out by it. His body language certainly isn’t comfortable, though we don’t know if it’s kissing in general or kissing Reinette. It isn’t only until her learns who she is that he is impressed by the snogging. I can’t help but think he’s interested in her as a historical figure, because truly, what does he know of her as a person?

Outside of the time they spend together (across years for her, across hours for him), though, they do get weirdly intimate with the mind meld business. It serves as another reminder that the guy who offscreen danced for hours and (re)invented the banana daiquiri is still lonely. He’s “always alright.” 

Now, there is the business with the plot and not even the random horse which was funny if only for the line, “I let you keep Mickey!” The long and short of it seems to be that these repair bots on a ship named after Pompadour sustained a crap ton of damage to everything but their mission: repair the vessel. Many wires crossed later, we get the weird logic that Pompadour’s head is the missing link. Writing it out, I can regard all of that with a shrug for its weirdness but it gets a little lost in episode. 

Still, it was fun to watch, for me at least. It wasn’t so long ago that we had “really not fun to watch,” so yeah. I’m appreciating this.

Next time on Doctor Who: The gang find themselves in a parallel universe. It’s all fun and games until the place is overrun by Cybermen in S02 E05 – Rise of the Cybermen.

K (all posts)

I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Sara (all posts)

I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.





K

I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.