Previously: Ezra said Mrs. DiLaurentis was A, so probably she isn’t.
—
Unbridled
Jessica: Nighttime in the woods. Spencer wanders around in a bridal dress, getting tangled in the trees. She is being stalked by a black clothed figure, then we hear a stabbing sort of sound and she gasps. Is something exciting about to happen, you ask? Or something about to be revealed? PSYCH! No. Not even close.
“48 hours earlier” appears across the screen. Ah, that old trope.
Rosewood’s one coffee shop. All four Liars are discussing the fact that Paige tipped the cops off about Ali being alive. They detected the shit out of things in the last episode and recognized her handwriting and stationary. Sorry, Paige. You may as well have written the tip on the back of your driver’s license.
Marines: Somewhere, Paige is all, “REALLY? This is the one piece of evidence they actually pay attention to??” I feel you, Paige. I’m sorry.
Jessica: Paige is conveniently in Maine. Emily is worried about Alison, and Hanna brings up the question again about who’s actually buried in Ali’s grave. Now Spencer’s worried she killed a stranger with her shovel, I guess? Aria patronizes that Spencer just needs to eat something and tries to give away Hanna’s cookie.
Hanna defends her cookie.
Someone is listening in on the Liars’ conversation about secrets in the middle of the coffee shop. I’m surprised the whole town doesn’t know Ali’s alive at this point. OR MAYBE THEY DO. MAYBE THE WHOLE TOWN IS ‘A.’
Sara: This plot twist would actually make me really happy. You’re A! I’m A! LITERALLY EVERYONE IS A.
Mari: And imagine the fun we are having! “Did you see them freakout when we all left our shovels out? CLASSIC.”
Jessica: And we thought Ravenswood was weird.
Their conversation eventually goes nowhere, so Emily and Spencer leave. They see New Jason and Spencer waves at him, but he ignores them and jets off in his fancy car.
They decide this means they have to follow him. But Spencer’s car won’t run. They pull a roll of photo film from some part of the steering column (?) and it’s just a bunch of pictures of a blonde girl, with her face blacked out. Then the message: “You know me Spencer. You killed me.” The music gets dramatic and they look all around, as though expecting to see someone run sneakily away.
SHHHH.
Aria is trying on clothes in her room while talking to Piper Mom over the phone. Piper Mom is giving Aria shit about drinking in her hotel room last episode, though Aria claims it was her “friend” who was doing all the drinking. Mm-hmm. Piper Mom wonders who this “friend” is, and asks if this has anything to do with “Mr. Fitz” resigning from Rosewood. Ew, she calls her teenage daughter’s ex-boyfriend Mr.? That’s weird. (S: YUP.) Aria claims she’s fine and then Piper Mom walks into her room. And it’s a surprise because ….? I was actually just wondering where Piper Mom had gotten to because I completely forgot. She went abroad maybe, or…? Whatever. Don’t remember, don’t care.
Mari: I didn’t actually remember she was MIA until she walked in. I see enough Piper, thanks so much.
Sara: Didn’t she almost get murdered by bees or something?
Jessica: HA! Awesome. (Oprah, obviously, not the near bee murder. Piper Mom murder, actually, not– never mind.)
Spencer’s at her place, on the phone with Emily. She’s been watching New Jason unload boxes from his car, which couldn’t have been many, because that was a small sporty convertible. Apparently Spencer’s been given her phone again, but Hunky Drug Counselor Dean is still around, lurking at the counter. He insists on coming with her to talk to New Jason, and is convinced to watch from a window rather than coming with her, but instead they end up having a weird conversation about her peeing in a cup.
Marin Manor. Hanna finds a corner of the counter to eat her breakfast, which is covered in magazines for this bridal whatever fashion show that they cooked up last episode.
Mari: Now is as good a time as any to say that the bridal fashion party fundraiser show makes ZERO sense to me.
Jessica: Hanna thinks Mrs. DiLaurentis should be doing all the work, but Ashley makes excuses about her being distracted. Hanna wonders why she offered her mom a job and says they shouldn’t trust her.
High School of Totally Not Following Up On Rumors That Students And Teachers Are Dating. Emily and Spencer are applying lip gloss in the bathroom as a bell rings in the background. Spencer reveals she didn’t get to talk to New Jason because he was inside by the time she finished peeing for Dean (slightly less gross than it sounds. Slightly). And she couldn’t have knocked on the door for some reason?
Paige enters, back from Maine, and is awkward. Spencer takes her cue and leaves. Paige gives excuses for not calling Emily while she was away. Emily confronts her about telling the police, and Paige says she did it to protect her. Emily wonders who will protect Alison, but Paige gives no fucks. Emily claims Paige wanted revenge on Alison and Paige is like, just let the cops protect her! But Emily knows the depths of the incompetence of the Rosewood LOLPD and storms out.
Sara: In Rosewood, “Just let the cops protect her,” is a threat.
Jessica: Hanna runs into Travis in the hallway. He talks to her but is a bit brusque. Hanna apologizes for ruining their date and asks for a do-over date, but he declines. Maybe it’s because of her sequin jacket that he doesn’t want to be blinded by? She looks like she’s auditioning for a magic show.
DiLaurentis House of Disappearing Daughters. Mrs. D yells at someone over the phone while pawing through a bunch of bridal dresses on a rack. Hanna’s mom is there too. Mrs. D sees a cop car pull up outside and sends Ashley upstairs on a random chore. Detective Holbrook steps out of the car and Mrs. DiLaurentis goes outside to greet him. Her house is … covered in taffeta. Because the show’s going to be there? Why? It’s weird.
Mari: AND WHO WANTS TO RANDOMLY SEE A WEDDING DRESS FASHION SHOW? Sorry, sorry. I thought I could get it all out of my system with one mention, but I was wrong.
Jessica: Yeah, fashion show is odd enough, but wedding themed? And yet no one in Rosewood questions this. Sigh.
Holbrook came to give her an update on the investigation, and reveals “we’re not certain you’re daughter’s in that grave.” Mrs. DiLaurentis doesn’t even miss a beat before replying, “Well I am.” Apparently Rosewood PD did a little detecting of their own and the coroner’s report doesn’t match a healed break that would have shown up in Alison’s right arm. Mrs. DiLaurentis blames the coroner for making a mistake which, considering the department’s track record, fair, but Holbrook says the only way to know for sure to exhume the body. When she says that’s not an option, he claims to have a judge’s order and is there to tell her, not ask permission. We had a chat about something like this a little while ago on How To Get Away With Murder. I’m pretty sure this isn’t how the law works, but again, this is Rosewood.
I just paused it and there’s still half an hour left in the episode. *Reaches for beer.
Mari: Definite Snark Lady Problem.
Jessica: Rookie mistake!
Ashley is poking around upstairs on that random chore and wanders into Alison’s room. Gee, do you think she’ll find something cryptic? She pulls a skirt out of a shopping bag, and then an apparently suspicious scarf. The receipt in the bag shows the clothes were purchased yesterday. Mrs. DiLaurentis shows up in the doorway all mad, like, does my dead daughter’s room look like a guest room? Ashley drops everything and looks awkward, but we cut away before anything more interesting happens.
Sara: This whole show can be described as “the stuff before the interesting stuff happens.” Can we fast forward to the end of the series? (JK, there’s no end in sight.)
Jessica: Not Really a High School. Emily is outside the school, trying to send an email from an address written down on a scrap of paper, that I recall nothing about. (M: Dammit. I hoped someone knew what this crap was about.) It doesn’t work and she makes a phone call, where some Italian sounding guy answers and says to leave a message. I’m so confused right now. (M: +1)
New Jason inexplicably walks out of the school and she confronts him. He claims he had to rush to get home the other night, which is why he didn’t talk to her and Spencer. Emily says the last time they saw each other was when she nearly got chopped in half by an elevator, which I vaguely remember. (S: You would think almost getting chopped in half by an elevator would be a memorable thing, but no, I got nothing.) New Jason thinks Wilden was behind that particular stunt. He also says he and his mom need some space from Spencer. Mrs. D was there for him during rehab, and he won’t hear Emily talk bad about her. He also reveals this is not the first time Mrs. DiLaurentis has accused Spencer of messing with their family.
We get a Jason flashback. He’s on the couch watching wrestling on a tiny laptop while Alison and Mrs. DiLaurentis fight in the background. Alison has apparently told her mom about the harassing A notes, and Mrs. DiLaurentis is yelling at Alison to defend herself rather than just take abuse. Alison says they’re anonymous and Mrs. DiLaurentis asks if it’s Spencer, who’s always been jealous of Ali and has plenty of reason to hurt the family. Alison doesn’t know what she means by that, then Jason sits up and Mrs. DiLaurentis yells at him too.
Back in the present, Emily says that Mrs. DiLaurentis still believes Spencer wanted to hurt Ali. New Jason walks away, claiming he doesn’t want to be involved. If only it were that simple, New Jason.
Sara: Old Jason managed to get out of this mess of a show before it was too late. Good for him.
Jessica: Montgomery Manse. Piper Mom and Aria are having girl time on the couch and Piper Mom asks if Aria wants to be her date to the stupid bride fashion thing. Aria is like, “um, no” but Piper Mom thinks she’s avoiding it because it brings up issues about Ezra. Meanwhile, Piper Mom’s phone keeps blowing up and it’s her boyfriend Zach. Piper Mom goes outside to take the call.
Hastings House. Spencer gets a text from Emily saying that Mrs. DiLaurentis has it out for her. Hunky Drugs Counselor Dean walks in and notes she’s sleeping on the couch. He says he’s been generous letting her hang out with her friends and talk on her cell phone. He wants her to talk to him about why she’s not sleeping and doesn’t feel safe in her own house. Spencer admits she can’t remember large portions of the summer that her friend was killed. Dean responds by offering to read aloud from a book.
Montgomery Manse. Piper Mom comes back inside and Aria is pained by being so close to a happy normal relationship, so she says she’s going to bed. PM still wants to talk, but Aria gets upset, blaming her for not being around. PM’s like, but you told me to go and Aria says maybe she was wrong. She needed her mom and she hasn’t been there. Aria tells her mom to enjoy the ‘I told you so’ moment and storms upstairs.
Mari: I hate these moments where I don’t know whether to hate the bratty child or negligent parent more. ALL OF YOU SHUT UP.
Jessica: Hastings House. Mariska Mom returns to find Dean and Spencer passed out together on the couch. She wakes them up, yells that he’s being inappropriate and fires him on the spot. This was such a random little scene they set up for us, and for what? I ask this question into the void, knowing I will receive nothing in reply.
One Coffee Shop the next day. Spencer, Emily and Aria meet up. They discuss Jason, whose memory Aria says is probably no better than Spencer’s, since he was drunk all the time. BURN. They continue to have a loud discussion about A secrets in a public place.
Plot contrivance then summons Hanna, who announces they’re all going to be part of the bridal show. “Are you out of your mind?” Aria asks. Hanna tells them about her mom finding the new clothes in Ali’s bedroom, which she takes to mean Mrs. DiLaurentis knows that Ali’s still alive. Sadly, this is not the most tenuous thread they’ve ever followed. Hanna says that Mrs. D must have Ali’s current address just lying around somewhere, so the bridal show is a way for them to have an excuse to snoop through her house.
They shut up and tense up as Detective Holbrook walks up. If he wanted to know more about what was going on lately, all he’d have to do is sit at the next table.
Mari: I mean, he already appears to do all his detecting by showing up at coffee shops and interrupting the patrons. Get there early, bro, and tune in for the whole convo.
Sara: It would be difficult to get there earlier than the PLLs, though, considering they have to show up at 3:00 AM to have all this time for talking before school.
Jessica: Holbrook says he doesn’t want them to get their hopes up, because Alison’s probably not alive, but if she is, there will be lots of questions, including who is in her grave, which is the question that everyone has been repeating for episodes and I’m getting tired of it. He walks off.
Spencer arrives home to find Mariska Mom going through her drawers. Dean told Mariska Mom that Spencer has been sleeping downstairs to feel safe, and she asks if it’s true with much more anger than is required for this situation. (M: HOW DARE YOU FEEL UNSAFE. ROAR.) Spencer accuses her parents of hiding things from her, and that they are the ones she doesn’t trust. Mariska Mom says they were essentially scared of Spencer, and promised to make Melissa never talk about an incident that occurred.
Flashback. Mariska Mom is outside at night, sorting through random clothes scattered around a table, crying as she throws them away. A stick breaks and Alison appears. She asks if Spencer and Melissa had “one of their fights” because she recognizes “crazy scissors,” is what I think she says. She offers to help clean up but Mariska Mom snaps at her. She doesn’t understand why Spencer is acting this way. Alison says something weird about Spencer turning on her if they asked her anything, then walks away, only to find Spencer lurking in the shadows against the house, looking all shifty and potentially murder-y.
Present. Spencer doesn’t remember any of this. Mariska Mom said she and Spencer’s dad didn’t know what to think when Alison went missing a few nights later, but apparently they must have thought she might have killed her friend. Great parents. Mariska Mom begs Spencer to leave that summer unremembered and leaves Spencer to cry alone in her room. Spencer then goes to the window to find Mrs. DiLaurentis staring at her all creepy like from her house across the way. That’s probably something she should have mentioned when asked why she sleeps downstairs.
Mari: Same though. Also, if the residents of Rosewood learned how to casually wave, they would all be about 83% less creepy.
Jessica: Weird wedding fashion show at the DiLaurentis house. Hanna arrives, where Travis is working as a valet. They flirt a little before she heads inside. “Going to the chapel” plays as the models get into their wedding dresses. A montage of closeups on white lace and jewelry and flower bouquets.
Mari: OH COME ON. You picked a closed down rehab center?? DO BETTER, NEW JASON.
Jessica: Hey, he’s been dealing with the Rosewood LOLPD forever. He’s used to not having to try.
Mrs. DiLaurentis is chewing out Ashley for having Hanna and the other Liars model the dresses. She wants to know if Ashley asked them or they offered to help, all suspicious-like. Ashley apologizes and Spencer and Mrs. DiLaurentis have a brief staredown.
Spencer shares the knowledge of Jason’s lying about rehab. Hanna says they need to get into Ali’s bedroom and runs off. Ashley leads the rest of them toward the stage. On her way out, Spencer sees Mrs. DiLaurentis talking to someone unseen in the woods and runs off to spy.
Hanna is wandering around the front of the house, asking Travis if he’s seen Mrs. DiLaurentis. She asks him to be the lookout and stall her if she comes around. She tries to tell him more but he’s wary of details, because he know mischief follows her around. But he gets his co-valet to back into the mailbox in order to keep Mrs. D distracted if she shows up. Then he and Hanna kiss and it’s kind of cute.
Post show. Aria is tearfully staring into the mirror in her wedding get-up.
Mari: Her get-up is the weirdest. Do people wear satin fingerless gloves to get married? I don’t think I want to know if they do.
Sara: If anyone does, it’s Aria.
Jessica: Is it weird that I’m a little bit mad we didn’t get to see the show? All that set up, and suddenly it’s over backstage. I mean, think of all the potential ominous side glances! IDK. This show does weird stuff to me.
Piper Mom shows up, saying Aria was amazing on the runway. She tries to cheer Aria up from being heartbroken, but Aria’s not ready for it. PM replies with a story about her meeting Aria’s dad, how they were in love and then things changed, blah blah. They both stare teary-eyed into the mirror and talk. Aria thinks the pain will never end and PM promises that it will. Apparently she tried to tell Aria earlier, but Zach proposed. They hug.
Emily and Hanna are searching through Alison’s room in their big fluffy wedding gowns.
We’re back to the opening scene! Spencer’s roaming through the woods and calls out for Alison. Music grows tense. We see the figure running, and hear the stab sound. Spencer gasps — and sees her dress is caught in a fucking bear trap! What in the actual hell? She rips it free and runs away.
Sara: That was a terrible payoff. WORST.
Jessica: Aria bursts into Ali’s room, asking where Spencer is. Emily gets a phone call from a blocked number, and it’s Ali. She wants to know how they found her. They tell her the police know it’s not her body in the grave, and ask if Mrs. DiLaurentis knows too. Ali says no, and to not speak to her because she can’t know anything. Emily says the want to help her but they need to know what happened that night. Ali says they need to come to her and to hurry. They all exchange significant glances and it cuts away.
Aria digs through Spencer’s bag and finds her phone. They wonder if she left because she was freaked out by Mrs. DiLaurentis, but Emily thinks she wouldn’t leave without her stuff. Spencer bursts in, covered in dirt and blood and crying. She tried to follow Mrs. D through the woods because she was giving a suitcase to someone who Spencer thought was Ali. Emily says that Ali is in Philadelphia, because they just spoke to her.
They go to help her out of her dress, pulling off her corset thing and then flip the fuck out because THERE ARE FINGERBONES SEWN INTO IT. Blech blech eewwwww. Why?? Emily finds a note, which asks “What will you do when the rest of me comes out of the grave?”
Mari: WHAT IS HAPPENING? EWWW.
Jessica: Jump to the Fields House. Emily is walking out the door, on the phone with Aria. She’s got a jacket for Spencer, who is still shaking and upset, understandably. Aria’s getting gas for the car and will be there in a minute.
Paige walks up (does she often wander up onto the Fields lawn in the middle of the night?) and wants Emily to hear her out. She apologizes and says Emily was right about her wanting revenge on Alison. “I love you,” she tells Emily, and begs for forgiveness. Emily forgives her, but says she can never trust her again. The Liars pull up, and Emily tearfully tells Paige goodbye before getting in the car.
Presumably Philadelphia. They enter a building full of storage items and cobwebs, the address Ali gave them. Hannah’s surprised it’s where Ali has been crashing, because it’s all dingy. They walk up to another door and Spencer knocks. There’s a sound behind them so they all spin around, and Spencer asks, “What are you doing here?” Of course we don’t see who “you” is because this show has to resort to cheap ploys to pretend that there’s tension, because nothing actually ever happens.
Mari: Except A’s notes are sometimes the creepiest, grossest things ever. And pedo-lationships. The end.
Jessica: A-nonymous. At a hotel desk, black-gloved A checks in and grabs the registration book for the Red Finch Inn, where CeCe Drake’s name is written, with her room number next to it. Great security, hotel. From the hotel desk phone, A dials the Rosewood police department and snags a butterscotch candy from a nearby bowl. End scene.
Next time: Apparently we’re going to get answers but I wouldn’t hold my breath for Pretty Little Liars S04 E24 – A is for Answers.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.
