Supernatural S03 E14 – This is why I don’t answer the phone

Previously: A haunted house, and the return of the Ghostfacers.
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Long-Distance Call

Kirsti: We open at a big house on a rainy night. Inside, a middle aged guy paces back and forth, and jumps when the phone rings. The caller ID reads “SHA33”. He answers, and tells the woman, Linda, on the end to stop calling. She begs him to “come to me“. He hangs up on her. The phone starts ringing again. He answers and tells Linda to leave him alone. Linda says that they could be happy together and that she loves him forever. Ben hangs up. When the phone rings again, he picks up the receiver and slams it down several times, then rips the phone out of the wall and throws it across the room.

After a couple of seconds, it rings again. Ben looks broken. He walks over to his desk and pulls out a gun. “Okay, Linda. You win,” he says. He puts the gun under his chin and blows his brains out. The phone ends up splattered with blood.

SATAN’S SCREENSAVER.

After the Not Credits, Sam walks up to Dean and informs him that some unnamed professor knows nothing. Dean doesn’t care because Bobby’s just found them a case: he thinks a banker in Ohio (Ben) killed himself because of a spirit. Apparently Ben had a ton of technical problems in the lead up to his death.

Marines: I’ve never really given much thought to how they find these cases but OKAY SHOW. Electrical problems and a suicide. OKAY.

K: There was a lot of stuff in season 1 with them digging through newspapers looking for cases, so I guess I just make assumptions about literally every case?

Sam replies that they’re already on a case – trying to break Dean’s demon deal. Dean snaps that they’re going around in circles, because no one knows shit and they can’t find Bela or the Colt. Given that they’re not getting anywhere, he wants to hunt something.

Sam, on the other hand, wants to summon Ruby. Dean tells Sam that Ruby lied about being able to save him, and they bitchface at each other about how they’re both keeping secrets before Sam reluctantly agrees to head to Ohio. Cut to them interviewing Ben’s wife. Dean asks what she saw, and she says there was blood everywhere, her husband’s dead body, and the phone ripped out of the wall. Sam heads over to investigate the phone. He flips through the call history and asks what time Ben died. When she answers, he looks at Dean and taps the screen meaningfully.

Dean asks if they’d been getting weird phone calls or having interference on their calls. She says they haven’t, and Dean tells her that withholding information from the fake police is a crime or something. She admits that a few weeks back, she heard Ben talking on the phone. It sounded like he was talking to a woman, so she picked up the other handset. But there was no one on the other end. Just static. The boys exchange a look.

In the Motel of the Week, the boys do research. Dean’s found a bunch of newspaper articles about Linda. She was Ben’s high school sweetheart, and she died when a drunk driver hit their car head on. The only flaw in their it’s-a-ghost plan is that Linda was cremated. Dean asks about the caller ID, and Sam tells him that it’s a century-old phone number. He has no idea why a hella old phone number is involved, but he suggests they trace it.

Cut to the phone company. The boys follow a suit-clad man down to a Basement of Don’t Go In There as he wibbles about how they don’t get many people from HQ visiting. Dude looks like an undertaker. Dean says that HQ said there’d be lunch. Sam gives him bitchface before swatting at a fly. Undertaker apologises that they have something of a hygiene problem. He leads them into an office to find the employee they’ve come to see is watching porn. Porn Guy jumps and claims that it’s all spam mail. He’s not even remotely convincing.

Mari: Especially as he squirms around and crosses his legs. O_o

K: So gross.

Undertaker tells Porn Guy to give the boys whatever help they need, then leaves. Dean stares at Porn Guy’s computer screen, and informs him that the platinum membership to bustyasianbeauties.com is worth every penny. I’m adding a “recurring jokes” square to the Supernatural drinking game, so SHOTS! Sam hands over the number, and Porn Guy’s all “The fuck? Why is this number still in use?” and makes snarky comments about them wasting his life. Dean smirks and basically says that they’ll get him fired if he doesn’t trace the number.

He runs the trace, and is shocked to see that the number’s been making a ton of phone calls to ten different numbers over recent weeks. He gives them a print out and then basically tells them to GTFO so he can get back to his porn. Dude. Really? You think they’re from head office…

Mari: The dude watching porn at work probably doesn’t much care for his job in the first place.

K: Valid point.

Cut to a suburban street. Sam rings a doorbell and asks the guy who answers if he’s been getting any weird phone calls. He says they haven’t, but his teenage daughter looks freaked in the background. Sam heads back to the car, and the daughter follows. She accuses him of not being from the phone company, and he asks if she’s had any weird phone calls. She says she hasn’t, but she’s totally shifty.

Sam tells her that he’s been where she is – hearing weird voices and seeing things that can’t be explained. She reluctantly admits that she’s been talking to her dead mother on the phone. She thought she was going crazy. Sam confirms that she isn’t. Cut to Sam sitting in his rental car. Dean calls and they exchange notes. Apparently the dead have been making phone calls all over the place. Dean seems to have gotten the rough end of the stick on the interviews: “I just talked to an 84 year old grandmother who’s having phone sex with her husband, who died in Korea!“. Gross.

They finish up their phone call, and Dean jumps in the Bromobile. His phone rings again, and he answers. There’s nothing there but static. He says Sam’s name, and a reply comes through the static: “Dean? Dean, is that you?“. It’s Papa Winchester. Dean looks shocked. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Dean’s filling Sam in at the Motel of the Week, including the fact that the call dropped out before Papa Winchester could say anything else. He asks what he should say if Papa Winchester calls back, and Sam replies “Hello?“. Yup. Boy genius in our midst. Dean eyerolls his way out the door.

Cut to Dean returning several hours later. Sam dejectedly says that he hasn’t found any reason for anything supernatural to be happening. Dean smirks and says he’s looking in the wrong places. He pulls out a pamphlet, and informs Sam that the town they’re in is the birthplace of Thomas Edison. Sam reads through the pamphlet and raises his eyebrows. Cut to a girl leading a tour around an Edison museum. She informs the group – which includes the boys – that Thomas Edison’s last invention was a phone that he thought could communicate with the dead.

As the group moves on, the boys hang back and scan the spirit phone for EMF, but there’s nothing there. Dean suggests that maybe it acts like a ghostly radio tower, and Sam wants to know why it would suddenly work after a century. They decide that it’s their best bet regardless, and Dean says maybe it really IS Papa Winchester calling.

Mari: I just want to pat his head. There, there Dean.

K: He needs it.

Motel of the Week that night. As Sam sleeps, Dean sips coffee and stares at his phone. When it finally rings – with the caller ID “SHA33” – he darts into the bathroom to answer it. He asks if it’s really Papa Winchester, but Papa Winchester doesn’t answer. He wants to know how Dean could sell his soul. Dean says he was just looking after Sam, like he was told to, and that there’s no way out of it without Sam dying. Papa Winchester says that he knows how to get out of it: the demon who holds Dean’s contract is in town.

Across town, the teenage daughter from earlier is sitting at her computer, chatting to a friend. A new message pops up from SHA33. Her dead mother asks if she’s thought over a specific question from a past conversation. Dead Mommy says that she wants to see Lanie. Lanie replies that she went to see her at the cemetery, and Dead Mommy’s all “Yeah, not what I meant.” She tells Lanie not to be scared because she’s there with her. The computer screen goes black, then comes up with a webcam image of Lanie and her bedroom.

A figure – her mother – walks up behind her. Just as the figure reaches out to touch Lanie’s shoulder, Lanie spins around to see that there’s no one there. She freaks and turns off the screen, backing away. But the screen turns itself back on, and fills with the words “COME TO ME” over and over again. Lanie stares at it in tears. Fade to black. Not gonna lie, my reaction would be this:

Mari: Legit. Probably with some running out into the street? Or just like AWAY. Definitely no staring. 

K: Agreed.

After the Not Commercial Break, we’re at the Motel of the Week the next day. Dean’s doing research when Sam walks in and fills him in on what happened to Lanie. Dean basically says “Cool story bro, I think Papa Winchester’s right”. He shows Sam some research, and says that there’ve been a ton of demonic omens all over the area in the past two weeks. He reckons the demon’s been following him. Sam’s all “Uh huh. WHY?”, and Dean replies “my ass is too sweet to let outta sight“. Okay, Definitely 100% Straight Dean Winchester.

Sam’s incredulous about all of it. Especially the part where Papa Winchester rattled off an exorcism that can kill a demon. Dean scoffs, and says Papa Winchester’s probably picked up some tips while he’s been in Hell, and that he’s looked into the exorcism and it’s dark fifteenth century stuff. Sam sighs and said that he and Bobby have looked into it too. But while it’s definitely an exorcism, there’s no proof that it can kill a demon. They argue about what’s going on, then sigh. Dean says he’s waiting on a phone call to tell him where the demon is, and Sam says he has to go check on Lanie.

Dean snarks that he should watch out, because people might mistake it for a pedolationship and Traumaland already has more than its fair share of those. Plus, killing the demon will save his life. Sam keeps walking and Dean yells that this is all he’s wanted for months, and now he’s walking away. Sam yells back that they’ve got no proof, and he’s not going in with nothing but faith. Dean yells that faith is all he has. They stare at each other for a minute. Dean breaks first, and looks at the ground. Sam asks him not to go anywhere until he gets back. Dean doesn’t reply, and Sam leaves.

Lanie’s house. Sam asks her if she’s told her dad what’s going on. She scoffs and says she doesn’t want to end up in therapy. Sam asks what her mother said, and Lanie tells him that she wanted to see her, and told her to do bad things. Cut to Lanie’s little brother’s room. His toy phone rings, and he answers it as though it’s totally normal for a toy phone to ring. It’s Dead Mommy. He says he wants to see her too, and asks where she is.

Mari: I always play pretend phone calls on fake phones with my niece. I think I will stop now.

K: Legit.

Motel of the Week. Dean’s phone rings and he snatches it up to ask Papa Winchester where the demon is. Lanie’s house. Sam asks her what the bad things were. Apparently Dead Mommy told her to take all of her father’s sleeping pills. She cries as she asks why her mother would want her to do that “just so I could come to her“. Sam starts at her wording, and asks what EXACTLY her mother said. “Come to me. Like a million times,” she replies. Sam tells her that it’s not her mother.

Elsewhere, Dean pulls up outside a house. He grabs a bag of stuff and heads inside. Lanie’s house. Sam tells her to stay away from the computer and not answer the phone. He suddenly realises that she’s not following him down the stairs, and backtracks. She’s staring into her brother’s empty bedroom, and asks where the fuck he is. Demon house. Dean creeps around, and calls out when he hears a creaking floorboard upstairs. There’s no answer.

Across town, Lanie’s little brother is walking across a crowded street as cars blare their horns. Demon house. Dean drops a rosary in a bottle of water, then spray paints a devil’s trap on the floor. Lanie’s brother keeps walking across roads. A truck barrels towards him, the driver looking at his delivery list rather than the road. At the last minute, he sees the kid and slams on the brakes, but it’s too late. Sam pulls him out of the way at the last second.

Mari: I wonder what Dead Mommy told this kid. “Just keep walking! Pay no mind to the automobiles barreling toward you!” 

K: Kids are dumb?

Back in his car, Sam tells Dean that it’s not Papa Winchester. It’s a crocotta, a scavenger that impersonates loved ones and eats your soul. The giveaway was the “come to me“, which is apparently the crocotta catchphrase or some shit. (M: Um, if they were smart they’d switch that up, at least every couple hundred years…) (K: RIGHT??) Dean says that crocottas live in filth and mentions the flies at the phone company.

Cut to Sam creeping around outside the phone company. He rings Dean and leaves a voicemail telling him to hurry. Porn Guy goes to unlock his car, and Sam rushes him, pressing a metal spike to the back of his neck. He tells Porn Guy that he knows what he is and how to kill him, and Porn Guy’s all “Sorry if we overcharged you for call waiting, please don’t kill me”. Sam looks confused. Undertaker sneaks up behind them and hits Sam over the head. He collapses. Porn Guy jumps around gleefully, then thanks Undertaker for his help. Undertaker hits Porn Guy with the bat, and we fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, Sam and Porn Guy are tied to chairs in the Basement of Goddammit The Snark Ladies TOLD You Not To Go In There Why Do You Never Listen. Sam comes to in time to hear Porn Guy snivelling about how Undertaker is a good man who would never murder his face off. Sam tells Undertaker to let Porn Guy go, but Undertaker’s all “Nah” because he’s really hungry. He stabs Porn Guy in the chest with a huge knife, then crouches in front of him. His jaw unlocks like a snake, and he sucks in Porn Guy’s energy as he dies. The special effects look very similar to what they used for the Shtriga back in season 1.

Sam looks away in disgust. Undertaker wipes his mouth. Sam realises that his last phone call with Dean wasn’t actually Dean, it was Undertaker leading him there. Undertaker laughs and puts his hands against the telephone exchange and appears to be having a…happy…moment. (M: I prefer man reaction.) He gloats that he’s killing Dean. Or maybe some other guy. Sam will have to wait and see.

Cut to a police locker room. An officer finishes changing and his phone rings. It’s his dead daughter, who sounds about five. She tells him that “I know who killed me, Daddy“, thereby giving me horrible flashbacks to the Snarkathon where Lindsay Lohan played a stripper who tried to duct tape her fingers back on. (M: LOL. An instant classic.) Dead Small Child tells her bereft father that the person who killed her is in their house right now and wants to kill him too. He hangs up the phone and looks murdery.

Back at the phone company, Sam asks Undertaker about impersonating Papa Winchester. He says it was easy once he knew they were hunters. Once he had Dean’s phone number, he used that to find Papa Winchester’s numbers, and then a ton of voicemails and emails that people thought were deleted but really weren’t. Sam insists that Dean won’t fall for it and kill an innocent person. Undertaker smirks and says that the other guy will kill him then.

Snarkathon Flashback House. Dean hears a car pull up outside and braces himself for a fight. Dead Small Child’s Father bursts in and starts firing. Dean jumps out the way and drops his holy water, which spills all over the floor. As DSCF reloads, Dean runs at him, slamming him into a wall. They fight, and Dean quickly gets the upper hand.

Basement. Undertaker gloats about how easy the modern world is for him. He used to hide in the woods for weeks at a time, and would maybe eat two souls a year. Now, he just has to pick up the phone. “You’re all so connected. But you’ve never been so alone,” he says. He unhinges his jaw and picks up his knife to attack Sam, but Sam’s managed to get his hands free. He leaps out of his chair and they fight.

Snarkathon Flashback House. DSCF is on the floor, groggy. Dean pulls a rug out from under him to reveal that DSCF’s in a devil’s trap. Dean starts reading an exorcism, and DSCF is all “The fuck is this?”. He asks if Dean did this to his daughter too, and steps forward out of the trap. Dean’s shocked, and insists that there’s been a mistake. DSCF says that Dean killed his daughter, and attacks him.

Basement. Sam and Undertaker exchange blows. Finally, Sam manages to wrestle the knife away and slams Undertaker up against a wall. A metal spike sticking out of a corkboard stabs Undertaker in the neck and he dies. House. DSCF punches Dean while shouting about how his daughter was only nine years old. Dean insists he didn’t do anything and manages to get hold of a shotgun. He hits DSCF in the forehead with it, and they stagger away from each other. Dean says again that he didn’t kill DSCF’s daughter, and DSCF cries “Then what are you doing here?“. Dean realises he has no idea. Fade to black.

After the Not Commercial Break, we’re at the Motel of the Week. The boys nurse their respective wounds, and Sam says he’s sorry it wasn’t Papa Winchester. Dean says that Sam was right, and he wanted to believe it was so badly because he’s terrified about going to Hell. They both tear up, but it doesn’t quite reach One Manly Tear territory. Sam tells him that there’s nothing wrong with having hope, and Dean says hope doesn’t mean shit. The only person who can save him is himself. “And me,” Sam replies.

Dean gives him bitchface, and says “Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that’s what you come back with? ‘And me?‘”. Sam’s incredulous, and it’s an oddly humorous moment to break up the feelsy conversation.

Dean declares that the moment’s gone, and they turn on the TV and crack open a couple of beers. Fade to black.

This episode, for me, is totally and utterly forgettable. I don’t think it even had a whole lot of impact on me when it aired. There’s so much time dedicated to “OMG PAPA WINCHESTER” and establishing that the dead are talking all over town that the actual stuff involving the Monster of the Week seems to take two seconds. It’s not a bad episode, per se. It’s just…not a memorable episode.

Mari: I just get a little annoyed with the Dean is Dying storyline. I know we’ve been down this, “Dean is being a hardass but he’s really actually afraid to die!” path before and essentially that’s all this episode felt like it was about. A reason to give Dean false hope because, hey! Did you hear? He’s actually afraid to die. 

In theory, there IS a whole lot there when you consider what Dean is living with– the knowledge that he’s living out his very last days, fighting against a clock and all that. And yet, he stills keeps trying to fight, sometimes for his life and sometimes for the greater good. Unfortunately, in practice it only seems to hit a single note for me. 

It’s forgettable because the background Monster of the Week is undeveloped. The whole calls from the beyond thing isn’t particularly great either. And on top of that, we have more of the feelings we’ve been navigating for most of this season. So, yeah. I’m with Kirsti. 

K: Welcome to the ottoman.

 

Next time on Supernatural: Someone’s mastered immortality and Sam thinks they should track him down to help Dean get out of his demon deal in S03 E15 – Time Is On My Side.