Previously: Jack’s ex-girlfriend came to town and there was much awkwardness. Also, Pacey taught Joey to drive and it was freaking adorable. And LOL-worthy because Dawson tried and couldn’t teach her a fucking thing.
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Crime and Punishment
Kirsti: Remember that whole thing from AN ENTIRE SEASON AGO where Joey was into art? Yeah. Apparently she’s into art again, because she’s painting a mural on a wall at school. She’s also borrowed Buffy’s Overalls of Overall Sadness. (D: Between this and the “tabula rasa” reference later in the episode, I’m considering this two #crossovermagic episodes in a row.) (K: Motion carried.) Pacey walks up and smiles at her fondly. I flail a little. She asks what he’s doing there, and he says he’s hoping he’ll absorb some of her genius by osmosis or something. Joey joins the dots and realises that he’s been kicked out of home again. Pacey says that his eldest sister has left her husband and moved home, along with her small screaming children. Oof.
Democracy Diva: Wait, did we know Pacey has siblings other than Doug? I have a vague feeling we learned this around when Alexander was born (it would make sense that Pacey would be good with babies if he were already an uncle) but I have zero recollection of any mention of Pacey’s sisters before this.
K: I…have no idea. I feel like we did? But maybe I hallucinated it.
Joey signs her mural – which features bamboo leaves and Chinese characters – and asks Pacey what he thinks. He’s confused and info-dumps about why she’s suddenly painting this freaking mural – Principal Green commissioned various students to paint murals representing unity and school spirit. Okay, contrivance. Okay. Joey says it does represent that. Pacey awkwards that he totally likes it, but he thought it would be more traditional. Joey scoffs. He points out that America doesn’t do well with subtlety. She says that art brings people together, and he agrees that it does. In museums, “the thinking man’s pick up joint“. She eyerolls and tells him how deep he is. Pacey adorably takes it as a genuine compliment and grins happily.
Diva: I know you already said this, but I have to repeat it because it’s in my notes too: I seriously melt into a puddle when Pacey smiles at Joey. I can actually feel my body go SQUEE! every time it happens. It’s so refreshing, to actually have the reaction we’re SUPPOSED to have to this show. (Contrast this to any Dawson scene, in which we are ostensibly supposed to root for him but we just yell at him for being the worst.)
K: Pretty much exactly.
HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH.
After the credits, Dawson walks down the hall the next morning and tries to peek at Joey’s mural before the official unveiling. Joey appears and slaps his hand away. He gets pissy because Pacey got to see it already, but Joey says she wants him to have the full experience at the unveiling. Dawson says that Pacey thought it was awesome, and Joey eyerolls a little because Pacey knows nothing about art, but she’s also a little pleased. Dawson asks how her speech is going, and Joey asks why she has to make a speech anyway. She wants Dawson to be there for it to support her, and begs him to be honest with her when the painting is unveiled. Dawson tells her that he knows how nerve-wracking it is to be in the spotlight, and Joey insists that having her painting in the school will be like “people looking into my soul“. Girl. Calm down.
Cut to Andie’s disciplinary committee. Remember that? Yeah. Apparently this is the episode for digging up stuff we haven’t seen in ages. A douchey jock white boy apologises for cheating, and says he was just being a modern kid. (D: Douchey Jock White Boy is Matt Caulfield, legendary jello-shot-pusher from the previous episode. Obviously, Kirsti’s nickname is way more descriptive and thus will be the only thing I ever call him again.) (K: I totally meant to change that after the last recap, but I’ve been hella vague recently, so Douchey Jock he remains.) Apparently being a modern kid in 2000 meant phoning home during a test to ask your mum how many justices are on the Supreme Court. LOL, OKAY. Somehow, despite his mother not knowing the answer either (what the fuck? Even *I* know this, and I live on the other side of the planet), he got a perfect score on the test.
Andie declares that he should get a failing grade on the assignment and a three hour detention. Douchey Jock bitches that she’s being way harsh. Principal Green says he doesn’t think Douchey Jock violated the spirit of the honour code and tells Douchey Jock he can leave. Andie looks hurt.
Diva: Three questions:
1) Andie has to sit in judgment of her peers, AND create punishments for them, AND tell them to their faces what the punishment that she invented for them is? I understand the concept of the disciplinary committee, but isn’t that, oh, I don’t know, THE PRINCIPAL’S JOB?
b) How the fuck was this not an honor code violation? Just because you’re rich enough to have your own cell phone in 2000 doesn’t mean you get to call your mommy in the middle of an exam.
cat) Why does Douchey Jock get to travel with an entourage? What are all his random-ass douche-bros doing in this scene? They’re a heartbeat away from calling Ari Gold and hugging it out.
K: I have literally no idea. None of this makes any sense, except to remind us of past plot points.
Later, as the committee wraps up, he asks her to stay behind for a minute. Andie apologises for overreacting with Douchey Jock’s punishment earlier, but Principal Green tells her he has good news: her PSAT score was in the top 50,000 in the country. Remember that time Andie cheated on the PSATs? Yeah, that.
He tells her that she’s well in the running for a National Merit Scholarship, and Andie doesn’t seem particularly thrilled. Principal Green asks what’s wrong, and she fakes a laugh and claims to be stunned by the news. He leaves, and the zoomy cameraman zooms in on her guilty looking face.
Across town, Pacey turns up on Doug’s doorstep. Doug tells him to get lost because last time he stayed, he broke stuff. Pacey grins and says he’s just there to drop something off on behalf of their parents. He hands Doug a covered casserole dish, then says “ME!” and rushes inside while Doug’s distracted. It’s such a little brother thing to do, and it’s adorable. He says he’s moving in, and Doug’s all “Skkkkkkkkkkrt, WHAT?”. Pacey hands over a cheque from Papa Witter, the worst fictional parent since Papa Winchester (D: though Stannis Baratheon might take that prize this year), and says it’s a security deposit. Doug insists that Pacey’s not moving in because “This isn’t Party of Five“. I must admit, I laughed more than was necessary.
Pacey stares around Doug’s incredibly tidy and full of Broadway musicals memorabilia apartment (D: I have similar memorabilia all over my apartment too, Doug!), and begs to be allowed to stay. Doug relents because Puppy Dog Pacey is hard to say no to, and lists off a bunch of ground rules, including the way his CDs are to be ordered. Pacey insists that he won’t be touching Doug’s crappy taste in music, and Doug says it’s good for soothing “an achy-breaky heart“. Pacey insists he doesn’t have one, and Doug’s all “Uh huh. Suuuuuuuuuure.” I didn’t put these two on my list of favourite sibling relationships for Segue Magic a few weeks back because there are a lot of times when they’re totally awful to each other, but from this point on? They’re pretty damned fabulous and should probably be on the list.
We’re treated to a bunch of fillery shots of Capeside and the creek, and then we’re at the Potter B&B. Joey begs Bessie not to take photos at the unveiling, and Bodie’s all “Good luck with that”. Joey says she knows it won’t be easy for Bessie to go back to Capeside High, considering everyone judged her for being poor and gross. Bodie points out that being one of ten black kids at the school can’t be much fun either. Truth. Bessie says she’s just thrilled that Joey loves school and is super talented. Joey gets all “aww, shucks”-y and proud.
Diva: I’m so happy Bodie is back. I loved seeing him and Bessie glow with pride over Joey’s accomplishments. This was a very sweet scene, while also not-so-subtly reminding us of the class/race issues in Capeside.
K: A pleasant and welcome change from Dawson’s Rich White Boy Problems.
At the unveiling, some blonde girl says that her painting of a lighthouse is meant to represent “the beacon of knowledge that our teachers shine on us every day“. Jack gives her the most amazing side eye.
Diva: I didn’t notice this, but I am so glad you pointed it out. That is some epic side-eye. And Jack actually knows things about art, so I’m glad he was the one they had making judgey face.
K: That hadn’t occurred to me, so thank you for adding another layer to Jack’s judgey face.
Bodie and Bessie exchange an eyeroll-y look. Later, Joey’s invited up to speak about her mural. Pacey smiles at her proudly, and I want to hug him. Joey talks about how nothing really unites them because even their mascot – a minuteman – alienates half the student body. Everyone chuckles. She says that kids start out in kindergarten full of possibility, and by the time they reach high school they’ve stopped believing they can do anything. So her mural represents possibility. Ten minutes on a “draw Chinese characters with your mouse and we’ll translate them” website does not back this up. (D: LOL. Good to know.) (K: I’m nothing if not dedicated!)
Anyway, Joey says she thought they could all use the reminder that anything is possible. She does the patented Joey Potter happy shrug, and Principal Green pulls the cord to unveil the painting. Someone’s painted over it with black paint. Everyone looks horrified and Joey rushes out. Dawson and Pacey scurry after her. Fade to black.
Diva: She should have just rolled with it, and said the black paint was intentional, a commentary about censorship or something. It would have fit with her wandering speech about what this mural means, and it would have taken the wind right out of the douchebag who vandalized it. But that’s more of a thing that Pacey would think of than Joey, because Intern Pacey is a bit of an evil genius when he wants to be.
K: Accurate.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dawson catches up with Joey outside the school. He asks if she’s okay, and she says she’s humiliated. Dawson insists that it’s not a personal attack on her, and Pacey catches up just in time to be all “Uh, kinda is” on account of only Joey’s mural was vandalised. They squabble back and forth until Joey yells at them to STFU and storms off. A+, girl. Pacey sad pandas.
Diva: Things I love: when Joey is upset, we don’t just have to watch Dawson talk down to her anymore – we get Pacey in the mix as well. Things I love even more: Joey calling them both out on their very much unhelpful bickering, which is so not the kind of support she needs.
K: Later, at the McPhee house, Andie asks if there’s any news. Jack says they’ll catch the guy and that her disciplinary committee should throw the book at him. Andie seems distracted, and says she’s thinking about quitting the committee because it’s taking up too much time. Jack’s surprised because it’ll look awesome on college applications. She says her grades are slipping a little and she doesn’t like judging others. Jack gives her judgey face and says she doesn’t usually bail on things. Andie changes the subject and looks shifty.
B&B. Dawson turns up and Joey’s all “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH”. Legit. He offers an apology about her painting, and tells her to repaint the mural tonight to prove a point to the asshat who vandalised it. Joey’s all “Ew, no”, but Dawson insists that it’s the best idea ever and she shouldn’t be defeated, she shouldn’t be a victim. Dude. SHUT. UP. Joey snaps that it took her a month to do it and she can’t just start over. He insists that she can, and I really want to punch him in the dick. She compares it to him quitting film, and he insists that that was a choice. She brings up his shitty Blair Witch rip off and how everyone hated it, and he insists that it’s not connected.
Joey snaps that he takes his choices for granted, and she can’t afford to be a rich whiny white boy who wanders around trying to find himself, and he bitchfaces at her before saying that he thinks she’s relieved someone destroyed the mural. Because that means she didn’t have to let people see the finished product. Okay, Dawson? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Joey tears up. Dawson throws the keys to the school on the kitchen bench and storms out.
Diva: We give Joey a pretty hard time in these posts, for obvious reasons, but I think this is the first time I’ve been truly moved solely by Katie Holmes’s performance. Not by an emotional struggle between two characters (like Joey visiting her father in prison), but solely by of Ms. Holmes acting her balls off. Joey explaining to Dawson that she lacks his privilege, his wealth, his supportive and stable family – that speech really got to me. I’ll give Katie Holmes a rare cheer for knocking this one out of the park.
K: Agreed.
At school the next day, Pacey interacts with some randoms in the cafeteria while drinking Coke. Hello, sponsorship dollars. It’s been a while since we’ve seen you!
He jokes with them about the mural and says he’s running a pool on who the culprit is. (D: See what I mean about how Pacey can be an evil genius? This was a pretty brilliant plan for solving this whodunnit.) They both want in, and say that they’re betting on Douchey Jock. Pacey heads over and sits down next to Douchey Jock. He asks if he’s responsible, and Douchey Jock says that he didn’t not do it. Pacey says some people didn’t find it funny, and Douchey Jock says those people clearly don’t have a sense of humour. Ugh. As my niece told me last weekend, some people just need a high five in the face with a chair.
Diva: Your niece gets a Little Miss A+ and a 1430 for that line.
K: Pacey says he wants Douchey Jock to apologise and turn himself in before the end of the day, or he’ll pay the price for hurting someone Pacey cares about.
Pacey storms off. Meanwhile, Dawson checks on Joey’s now covered mural and is disappointed to see she hasn’t done anything. He asks Andie if she’s seen Joey, and Andie says she wasn’t in home room.
Out in the car park, Douchey Jock pulls in. He’s driving a shiny SUV, and Pacey gets all up in his face about his rich boy ways. Douchey Jock is all “Ew, go away poor person”, and Pacey slams him up against the car. Douchey Jock admits that he did it, and says he’ll apologise. Pacey releases him, and of course Douchey Jock promptly punches him in the face. They fight and it’s surprisingly violent for this show. Principal Green breaks it up and yells at them to get inside. Fade to black.
Diva: My emotions went from, “LOL, is Pacey wearing cargo pants with a cargo SHIRT?” to “sweetie, do not resort to threats of violence.” Then Douchey Jock sucker-punched him and I rapidly changed my tune to, “KILL HIM! NO ONE CAN HURT PACEY! SNARK SQUAD CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT ITS GREATEST/ONLY INTERN!”
K: Pretty much exactly my train of thought. Also, that’s some intense choreography for this show, which has had more than its fair share of fights that seem to involve one or two punches being thrown.
After the Not Commercial Break, Principal Green bursts out of his office and demands that someone find Dawson and some random guy. Pacey and Douchey Jock sit in his office, sulking. Andie dashes up and says she wants to resign from the disciplinary committee because Principal Green has this idea that she’s someone with unwavering integrity and she’s really not. Principal Green is surprised, and Andie rushes away.
Back in Principal Green’s office, he demands that Dawson and Random Guy tell him why Pacey and Douchey Jock were fighting. Both of them order their friends to say nothing. They keep quiet. Principal Green threatens to call Dartmouth and report on Douchey Jock’s actions. No one says anything. He threatens Pacey with expulsion, and Dawson sighs and says the fight was about Joey’s mural. “Shut up, Dawson! This is not your fight,” Pacey yells. Dawson insists that it’s not Pacey’s fight either. Pacey looks hurt.
Principal Green joins the dots, and Douchey Jock insists that he didn’t care enough to destroy a stupid Chinese mural. Dawson asks how he knew it was a Chinese mural if he didn’t go anywhere near it. Douchey Jock claims he peeked at it, and Dawson calls bullshit, because if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have bothered peeking. Douchey Jock looks shifty, and Principal Green looks smug despite the fact that a 17 year old has better deductive skills than him.
Diva: Principal Green, stop outsourcing every part of your job to students.
K: SERIOUSLY.
Douchey Jock takes a page out of the Big Book of Villain Gloating, and says that Joey’s painting was hella ugly. “Not to mention, why do l have to look at some trivial girl’s little message to the masses every morning? Frankly, it offends me.” Dawson and Pacey look disgusted. Principal Green is shocked that he’s offended by the idea of possibility. “I’m white. I’m rich. That’s all the possibility I need,” Douchey Jock replies. WOW. I take back everything I said about dick punching Dawson. This dude is first in line. Principal Green shakes his head sadly.
Diva: That line was way too heavy-handed. Douchey Jock would be the type of entitled kid who doesn’t understand that it’s his whiteness and his wealth that brings him success. He would think that’s just what he deserves in life. The show would have made a much stronger point about privilege if they didn’t have the most privileged character saying, “I love my privilege so much! Look, unprivileged person, at all the ways I’m privileged!”
Also, Douchey Jock is supposed to be racist, sexist, and classist, but he’s also supposed to be smart. He knows Principal Green holds his Dartmouth acceptance in the palm of his hands – even on his high horse of privilege, a supposedly smart kid is just not dumb enough to brag about his whiteness to his black principal’s face. Again, a little subtly would have gone a long way in this scene, but subtly is so not this show’s strong suit.
K: Excellent points.
McPhee house. Andie comes clean to Jack about being a dirty dirty cheater. Jack asks why the hell someone who knew all the answers would cheat, and Andie says it seemed like stealing the test would solve all her problems, that it would convince everyone that she was okay again. And now she’s actually okay again, but can’t live with herself for cheating. That’s why she quit the disciplinary committee, and why she was so hard on everyone who came before it. She says she’s going to tell Principal Green, and Jack’s all “DUDE, NO.” Andie insists that she needs to be free of this. Jack says there has to be a better way than getting kicked out of school. Andie says there isn’t.
Dougie’s apartment. Pacey’s lying on the sofa with a steak on his black eye. Doug’s all “Ew, gross, that’s my dinner”. Joey turns up just as Pacey’s insisting that he’s a returned soldier in need of a Purple Heart. Pacey, I adore you, but chill. Joey tells him that he’s an idiot for doing something that could have gotten him expelled and doomed to a career as a petrol station attendant. Pacey’s pissy because he did it for her, but Joey says he can throw away his future on his own account.
Pacey snaps that he doesn’t care and he was only doing Dawson a favour, looking out for her like he asked. (D: STOP THROWING A WRENCH INTO THINGS, PACEY. WE HAVE SQUEED LONG AND HARD FOR THIS.) Joey’s incredulous, and Pacey tells her everything. “So you guys just…traded me off like some sort of baseball card?!” she snaps. She asks if this is what they were about, because she thought that they… She trails off, and Pacey turns serious. “You thought what?” he asks. Joey says she thought something different, and storms out. Pacey tears up and we fade to black.
Diva: Ugh, Mr. Douchey Jock Sr., just be a normal rich person and send your kid to private school and leave us all alone.
K: I can’t imagine ANYONE would want to send their kid to Capeside High, so…yeah.
Out in the hall, Joey and Dawson wait anxiously for news of Pacey’s punishment. While they wait, Joey tells Dawson that she knows “all about the little wife swapping arrangement“. Dawson insists that’s not what it was, and Joey snaps that she never asked for his pity. He insists that it wasn’t pity, and he just wanted her to have someone to talk to. Yeah, that’s not pity. That’s condescension. Dawson asks where the harm was, and Joey says it would have been nice if he could have found someone who could muster up genuine concern for her. Dawson points out that Pacey cares so much that he’s facing potential expulsion, but Joey shakes her head. I scream “ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND, GIRL???” at my TV screen. Dawson asks how she can doubt that Pacey cares about her after everything that’s happened this year, and she shrugs thoughtfully.
Diva: Thank God we’ve never invented a Joey Shrugs Drinking Game. We’d all be dead.
K: Or at least have severe liver damage.
Elsewhere, Andie tearfully cleans out her locker. Cut back to Dawson, who’s now alone. Pacey appears, and reveals that Principal Green didn’t expel or suspend him. Instead, he ordered Pacey to mentor a small child. This is a terrible plan, but I wholeheartedly approve of more Pacey-being-adorable-around-small-children scenes, especially after that one where he recreated The English Patient to lull Alexander to sleep. (D: I also thought fondly about that scene during this episode, when I was trying to remember whether I knew Pacey had a sister! That was Prime Pacey Adorableness, as far as I’m concerned.) Dawson finds this hilarious. Then he changes the subject to how pissy he is about Joey finding out about their deal. We’re saved from hearing about it by the bell ringing.
Back in Principal Green’s office, he tells Andie that she’s a disgrace to the school and that he’ll have to contact the testing service and get her scores cancelled. Also, she can kiss that scholarship goodbye. Andie tearfully says that she understands. He asks if she’s sure that she’s the only dirty dirty cheater, and she says she’s certain. She apologises for letting him down, and says that she’s cleared out her locker because she knows what she did was just as bad as what Douchey Jock did, so she deserves the same punishment.
Principal Green informs her that Douchey Jock is a douche who likes to hurt other people, while she only hurt herself. She breaks down and says that she should be punished because what she did was wrong. Principal Green sighs and tells her that when she was on the disciplinary committee, he tried to teach her that the punishment should fit the crime, but that the person should also be taken into consideration. Douchey Jock deserved everything that he had coming to him. Andie doesn’t. He tells her to put her things back in her locker, and that he’ll think about her punishment for a few days. Andie cries and thanks him.
Diva: Good to know that when Principal Green actually bothers to do his job, he’s pretty decent at it. I hope all this Buffy #crossovermagic doesn’t mean he’s going to be eaten by a pack of wild hyena-people.
K: Funny you should mention that…
Later, Joey and her Overalls of Overall Sadness walk down the corridor, painting supplies in hand. She gets to her mural to find Pacey painting over it with primer. My little shipper heart explodes. Joey asks what he’s doing, and Pacey says he thought she deserved a blank canvas. Joey grins a little, and asks how he knew she was going to repaint the mural. He jokes that a guy on the street told him. I don’t know how it’s possible, but Pacey is even more adorable when he’s covered in paint splatter.
He asks if she’s going to thank him for defending her honour, and she says it was more like “Tilting at windmills while in the throes of a misguided hero complex“. Not gonna lie, I giggled. (D: Same. Perfect comeback is perfect.) He smiles at her adorably and agrees that it was definitely that as well. She gives a little shrug smile, and OH MY GOD THEY’RE JUST SO FREAKING CUTE. Joey stares at the ground, and says that if she were to thank him for anything, it would be for being himself and being there this year when she needed him. “You’re welcome,” he replies.
They start painting over the mural together, and Joey asks him to be honest with her. She asks if he’s only hanging out with her because Dawson told him to. He smirks a little and says that he is. “Huh. You need to get a life…” she replies. They grin at each other adorably and go back to painting. Down the hall, Dawson walks out of a classroom. He sees the two of them working together and nods in a self satisfied way before walking away. Fade to black.
Diva: I agree. But an episode that has Dawson playing sidekick to leading man of my dreams Pacey is an episode I can get behind.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Principal Green suffers the fallout of Douchey Jock having a rich white dad in S03 E16 – To Green, With Love.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
