Previously: Spencer stomped around with an email Mrs. D almost wrote, Aria confessed to Ezra that she killed Shana and Hanna decided it was time for a makeover.
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Thrown from the Ride
Marines: Rosewood High book sale. Aria looks at Hanna appraisingly, making Hanna think she hates “it.” I’m like, “what?” until I remember the dye job. And it isn’t until the camera changes to a side angle that I can even tell what this drastic change even is: chunks of black underneath the top layer of her blond hair. HANNA, I BARELY RECOGNIZED YOU.
Jessica: It’s like the makeup department called a huddle and said “ok, how can we change the blond girl’s hair while still keeping her blond?”
Mari: “I know! We keep her blond.” Good call, guys.
Aria says she does like it, though she doesn’t understand the impulse. Hanna claims she wanted to be spontaneous, which Aria doesn’t entirely buy.
Mari: Yeah, they haven’t really built this character up as a planner.
Hanna picks up a copy of the Scarlet Letter and sees Shana’s name written inside. She tries to act real casual, but Aria notices that something’s wrong, so Hanna shows her the book.
And hey, what do you know! Shana has underlined some vaguely-plot applicable-words in the book. “It is a curious subject… whether hatred and love be not the same thing at the bottom.” Aria is convinced it might be super significant but Hanna tells her to stop trying to paw through Shana’s things and slams the book down. Standing just in front of them so that she probably heard 100% of their entire conversation, Mona picks up the book. She looks at the name on the front cover and suggests the girls buy it for Ali who’ll need it to catch up for school. Hanna says they’ll buy their own copy, but Mona insists since Shana won’t be needing it anymore. Aria BIG EYES, but Mona says that Shana transferred back to Georgia. Did no one find the dead body? WTF.
Mona insincerely compliments Hanna’s hair and the fact that their proven stalker is allowed to still be in so much communication with them never fails to make me angry.
J: Yes, Mona is terrible. Except I kind of love her evil self, and I’m still not sure why. Out of context, that is. She really should not be in the same school as these girls. She’s definitely unhinged.
Mari: SHHHH.
DiLaurentis Domicile. Ali comes down with a box full of clothes for Goodwill. Mr. D thinks it’s her mother’s stuff, but this is all Ali’s clothes. She pointedly says that she outgrew them and isn’t the same person she was two years ago. She mentions that she’ll need some things before going back to school. Mr. D suggests MOVING and Ali says no and nearly has a breakdown at that horrendous thought.
Once he’s gone, Mariska Mom asks if they can hire Toby to replant their yard. Toby is “on a job,” but Spencer offers to find someone else to do it, if they can just talk about the shadier members of their family. Mariska Mom gives a rather petulant, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Finding their neighbor’s corpse in their backyard was surreal enough. Mariska Mom wants to focus on things they can control.
J: My notes here say: “Surreal doesn’t even begin to describe this experience.” Mariska Mom, you have no idea how meta you are being right now.
Mari: Rosewood High of Dimly Lit Classrooms for Conserving Energy and Secret Conversations. Mona and Lucas are going back and forth. Lucas is having second thoughts about their plan to take down Ali. Lucas gives an impassioned speech about how Alison was kidnapped and that seems like punishment enough from the universe. Mona argues that they aren’t punishing her; they are taking preventative measures. Lucas feels bad for Ali. Mona breaks it to him that the kidnapping story is a lie and she can prove it.
Why are people swimming right now? Sydney (she of the lips) is disappointed in her time, but Emily compliments her improved technique and asks if she wants to meet up the next day. Sydney gives a hesitant okay, which makes Emily realize that tomorrow is Saturday. She’s still willing to meet up, though, because she’s avoiding being at home. Apparently, since Emily got home with her “kidnapped” best friend, her mom has been asking her a lot of questions. How annoying, right! UGH. Sydney, for her part, mentions that having questions is pretty natural in this circumstance. Emily receives a call from Alison that she ignores. On her way out, Emily has a awkward run-in with Paige. It’s just there to remind us that things are still awkward. Thanks, show!
Spencer, Hanna and Aria are sitting outside, which Spencer says is better than sitting in the cafeteria, even though everyone outside is staring at them too. Em joins them and they notice Mona nearby, just standing around staring at them. Aria freaks because if Mona knows they were in New York, she may know about dead Shauna too. Spencer tells her to calm down because no one cares about dead Shauna. Everyone just wants to talk about Alison.
DiLaurentis Domicile. Alison sends Emily a text message and signs it “A” before realizing her first initial has been ruined forever. (J: Also, girl, it’s a smart phone. You don’t need to sign your name to every text. That would be crazy annoying.) Her dad walks in to announce that Detective Holbrook called about getting Alison in for a medical examination. They were able to put it off because of the dead mom thing, but they can’t any longer. Alison cries and begs her father not to make her do this. He gets teary eyed as he says that if she was hurt, she needs to be able to tell someone. This is seriously heartbreaking and hard to watch. Alison tells him that nothing like that happened to her and ends the conversation by asking for a sandwich. Papa D runs off to make it, but not before also telling Alison to buy whatever new clothes she needs. Alone, Alison cries in earnest. That was really uncomfortable, one part because of all of the implications and one part because Alison is a lying liar who lies.
J: Agreed. This was a really heavy scene.
Mari: Someone who I honestly cannot identify at all approaches Spencer and asks if she’s holding up okay. Spencer says she’s fine and totally not popping pills which helps me identify this dude as her super smart sometimes pill supplier. He offers to be there if Spencer needs anything and she jumps at the chance to ask if he’s free the next day.
J: Uh oh. With Toby gone/conveniently out of town, is “study help” dealer guy her new love interest? Boooo. Boo I say! Unless he has equally great abs. In which case– ‘eh, sure,’ I say.
Mari: Fair.
Computer lab. Aria is checking her email and sees one from Ezra to all the students, thanking them for their support. She gets a chat from a person she doesn’t recognize. The messages says that Mystery Person would never be able to forget if it were her. Aria gives some serious Big Eyes. Aria asks Mystery Person who they are and she gets a quick response all, “Becca from History!” Because this is about Alison and not Shana, because seriously, nobody gives a shit about dead Shana.
But wait! Aria Googles Shana and sees that her body has been identified and there was a memorial service for her. So nobody in Rosewood cares about Shana. One of the results is actually a video because apparently someone put this funeral up on YouTube. (J: Yeeeaah, what?) Aria watches it and kind of loses it for a moment when she things she sees Shana siting up in the casket.
Locker Room. Emily runs into Paige and it’s awkward again but they chat about Alison a bit. Emily invites Paige to join her and Sydney for some sprints.
Hastings House. Spencer invited Andrew to help Mariska Mom fix their backyard. He cracks jokes about what a slave driver Mariska Mom is and asks if they can take a break, maybe for some water or a makeout sesh. Spencer appreciates the try, but tells him she’s still with “the carpenter.” That kind of makes him sound like Jesus. Anyway, Andrew asks if maybe Mariska Mom should be less worried about the garden and more about the fact that a body was found there. Spencer says she is worried and that all of this garden stuff is just displaced fear. Mariska Mom has been looking into security systems and sleeping downstairs in an armchair. Spencer doesn’t know if she’s more afraid of what’s outside of the house or in it, though. Andrew is all, “say wuh?” and Spencer says it’s nothing. She walks over to grab some mulch and discovers a dead… possum? She gasps so Andrew comes to check it out and find that the maybepossum was killed by rodent poison. Spencer says that’s weird because they’ve never had a rat problem. Andrew sees a receipt still on the bucket-o-poison; it was purchased last week.
Emily, Paige and Sydney are grabbing pizza and cracking jokes. Mona is nearby, glaring. Bitch and her glare get around. Paige gets serious.
Depressing Medical Examination. The doctor tells Alison she has powerful lungs, because remember, her being able to hold her breath forever is A THING. (J: Sigh.) The Doctor examines the spot where she was bashed over the head and Alison tries to hold back tears. The doctor wants to do an MRI.
J: Also, I thought it was kind of weird that Hanna was there in the same room. Shouldn’t the medical examination be a more private thing? IDK.
Mari: Spencer and Aria are hanging out in Emily’s room. Aria says that Emily has been MIA when it comes to Alison and Spencer says so has Aria. Aria says so has Spencer. But right now they are focusing on Emily. Aria asks if Emily still has feelings for Alison, but Emily doesn’t know. She just expected everything to feel the way it used to now that A is “gone” and Alison is back, but it doesn’t. Aria next asks if back when she killed a dude, she felt compelled to learn everything about him. Emily says she became obsessed with the package Nate’s Mom sent her.
Depressing Medical Examination. The doctor notes an injury that Alison didn’t tell the police about and asks about it. Alison says she cut herself on a rock when she jumped out of the car. The doctor finds this suspicious as it looks more like a slice than a puncture. Alison gets super defensive and aggressive about how she was blindfolded and didn’t see what cut her and didn’t even notice the cut. Hanna asks if the examination is done but the doctor needs blood work and Alison needs a trauma counselor.
Spencer gets home and finds her mom sitting in the living room, having emotions. Mariska Mom asks where Andrew is. This is weird. Spencer was doing yard work and was then at Emily’s house, but Mariska is just asking where Andrew went? Did Spencer go hang out with her friends while Andrew did everything alone? What is time? Anyway, Spencer asks her mom to please actually use her words and say what’s going on. Mariska Mom says that a couple of days after Ali went missing, Mrs. D showed up at the Hastings House, sure that Spencer had done something to Alison. She was going to go to the cops, but Papa Hastings blackmailed her with their affair, threatening to tell Papa D all about it. Recently, though, Alison was back and alive and Papa D divorced Mrs. D anyway, so there was nothing stopping her from going to the police. She was going to tell the police that who ever the dead girl in Alison’s grave is, Spencer killed her. So, basically, Mariska Mom kind of suspects Papa Hastings is a murdery murderer.
J: And now at least one in every PLL parent pairing has been accused of murder, right? Except Emily’s.
Mari: STAY SAFE, FIELDSES.
The depressing medical examination is over. Hanna offers to pick up some takeout for Ali to make her feel better. Alison takes out a tape recorder from her purse and tells Hanna to give each of the Liars a copy so they can keep their stories straight. Hanna is super offended by this kind of organized lying, but Alison says that if they don’t lie in unison, the cops are going to start asking about New York. Hanna asks Alison how she got that scar on her thigh and Alison gives a really dramatic version of, “you don’t want to know.”
Hastings House. Spencer is looking at the Wiki page for rodenticide which includes a warning about the dangers to humans. Namely, it can get you dead.
Paige is walking to her car when Mona creeps on over. Paige says she’s not joining Mona’s vague campaign against all things Ali. Mona tells her she can’t be Switzerland. If she’s not with Mona, she’s against Mona.
Alison is looking at a forum where people are saying awful things about her. Spencer comes in, sees what she’s looking at and grabs the laptop away. Spencer asks if this is why Alison called her over, but nope. They got that super fast TV tox screen back and Mrs. D died because someone messed with her low-blood pressure medication. The tox screen found Losarten, high blood pressure medication, in her blood stream. Spencer exhales and freaks a little. Alison guesses that Spencer suspected Papa Hastings. And I’mma let this scene finish, but just because it isn’t rodenticide doesn’t mean it wasn’t Papa Hastings. Alison and Spencer bond over having horrible parents and always expecting bad things to happen.
Pedopartment. Dammit. Aria storms in and word vomits about watching Shana’s funeral vlog on repeat. Ezra tells her she has to find a way to forgive herself.
Paige visits Emily to quickly just warn her about people are preparing for the return of Ali. Emily wants to talk about this but Paige drops her vague warning and runs.
Hanna is trying on clothes. Sadly.
Aria is calling Shana’s grandmother’s church, trying to give an anonymous cash donation and also trying really hard to get caught for murder. Ezra walks in with some takeout and asks what she’s doing. Aria hangs up. Ezra uses this chance to be all, “I know what you are going through because when you found out I stalked your entire life, it was kind of the same.” Whatever you say, Ezra. Whatever you say.
Hanna’s clothes fitting hasn’t gotten any happier. She’s all kinds of stressed out and then gets a phone call from Spencer, who wants to know WTF this whole tape recorder thing is even about. Hanna snaps at her to yell at Ali because she’s tired of being the messenger. Then she rips the tag off the crop top she’s trying on and puts her other clothes on top of it. I totally forgot about Hanna’s shoplifting thing, which makes the sadness and stress of this whole scene make much more sense. #PLLamnesia
Hastings House. Spencer is cleaning up after dinner with Andrew and manages to cut herself on a knife she was wiping angrily. She opens a medicine cabinet and finds– you guessed it- Losarten prescribed to Papa Hastings.
Pedopartment. They are playing card games which just seems oddly fitting. Aria wants to play another round but Ezra says he needs to call it a night. Aria asks if she can spend the night on the couch because her father is out of town again and she doesn’t want to be alone.
Em visits Alison and suggests that she maybe pick another high school to go to. Alison says no way. They just need to stick together and everything will be totally fine. Alison asks if Em got her copy of the Liar Tapes. Emily did and says she’ll memorize it, but this is the last time.
Aria is now at the Hastings House, still freaking out about almost sleeping on Ezra’s couch. Spencer is behind her having actual problems (just kidding. Sleeping anywhere near Ezra is an actual problem). Aria finally notices and asks what’s up. Spencer tells her the deal with Mrs. D trying to frame her and Papa Hastings maybe killing Mrs. D. Papa Hastings arrives and pours himself a drink. Spencer asks where Mariska Mom is and Papa Hastings says he dropped her off at a “spa” for a couple days. Aria takes that as her cue to leave. Papa Hastings tells Spencer not to bother Mariska Mom. She snapped when the police came over to finish investigating. Spencer gives her dad major side eye.
Alison keeps lurking on the Alison boards and I guess we end with the creepiness of the Internet reflected in her eyes or something. I’m not sure.
Next time on Pretty Little Liars: It’s the 100th episode and Ali returns to Rosewood High in S05 E05 – Miss Me x 100.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
I'm a chronic book nerd and love storytelling in all forms. I'm particularly excited by the rise of the television show as an art form with long, cinematically beautiful plots and complex character arcs (I also watch cartoons). My travels in the past handful of years have led me through three continents and most recently landed me among the majestic mountains of Colorado. Some day I will compile all my travel journals/blogs into one place. Some day. Until then, you can find me with craft beer in hand, ready at any moment to deeply and passionately discuss survival tactics for the zombie apocalypse.
