Previously: Jen continued to be season 3’s MVP even though her boyfriend’s a dick, Jack discovered that his dad is less Jerky than previously thought, and the fallout from Pacey kissing Joey.
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Stolen Kisses
Kirsti: In order to adequately recap this episode, I need to start with Snark Lady Storytime: once upon a time (read: July 3rd 2014) in a faraway kingdom (read: Snark HQ), two Snark Ladies were trying to work out how best to recap Dawson’s Creek after season 1. Should we alternate? Stick exclusively to odds/evens? Or alternate and then split the season finale? And I’m not going to lie: my decision was made solely based on the fact that I’d get to recap this episode, and Diva was nice enough to not interfere.
Democracy Diva: But I’m not SO nice that I won’t be giving extensive squee-filled commentary with severe abuse of the capslock button. GET READY, YOU GUYS.
K: Legit, girl.
Part 2 of this story is that last year, there was a brief Snark Lady discussion about whether we should add a third recapper to the rotation, and my reaction was basically “NO NOT POSSIBLE IT WILL FUCK UP THE RECAPPING ORDER AND I *NEED* TO RECAP STOLEN KISSES PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME”. So essentially? Any long breaks in between Dawson’s Creek posts are totally my fault for insisting that we couldn’t possibly add someone else to the mix.
Diva: My reaction to the suggestion to add a recapper was basically “it doesn’t matter to me, but I have a feeling Kirsti will have an opinion on this.” That turned out to be the understatement of the century.
K: Y’all have no idea. Seriously.
Right, storytime over, let’s get on with actually recapping this thing, shall we?
We open on the Leery Dock. Dawson and Joey discuss how normal kids go to the beach and drink booze for spring break. Their tradition, however, is to go to his never-mentioned-before-or-after-this-episode Aunt Gwen’s house, which they can’t believe she’s selling. Dawson declares it to be the end of an era. Joey, meanwhile, wonders if they can convince Jack and Andie to sing karaoke with them. Dawson’s all “EW NO KARAOKE” and Joey accuses him of being a dirty liar.
Diva: As someone who has spent several years competing in a team karaoke league (yes, really), I support all karaoke, all the time, always. I am one of those people who can do karaoke SOBER. (I mean, I don’t prefer it, but sometimes it takes a lot of concentration to dress up as Daenerys Targaryen and perform LeAnn Rimes’s “How Do I Live Without You” to a toy dragon. Otherwise you might clutch your dragon to your chest too passionately and have a bruise on your tit for a week. This is a real story from my life, you guys.)
K: Snark Lady Storytime is the best kind of storytime.
Their bickering is interrupted by Pacey, who’s brought along an old friend of theirs: a very all-American boy looking guy named Will Krudski, star of the short-lived Dawson’s Creek spin off series, Young Americans.
Diva: I’m sure I knew about this like ten years ago somewhere in the recesses of my brain, but I SO do not remember that a spin-off exists. I would take a break to read everything about how terrible it was, but IT’S ALMOST PACEPHINE TIME.
K: Totally fair.
He’s also been in one episode of everything ever, as is so often the case in Traumaland. Apparently Will moved to New York in the third grade, and they haven’t seen him since. He just spontaneously decided to surprise Pacey, who decided it would be a good idea to gatecrash the trip to Aunt Gwen’s.
Joey’s face screams “WHAT ARE YOU DOING OH MY GOD NO” but Dawson’s totally fine with it. Maybe, like, check with your aunt first?? Whatever, show. Nothing can hurt me during this episode.
Diva: Preach. Contrive away, show! If it gets the ship sailing, we’ll take it.
K: Pacey makes puppy dog eyes at Joey, who looks awkward. Andie turns up with mountains of luggage, and informs them that Jack – who Pacey calls “Jackers“, for which I am eternally grateful because that nickname was the best thing to come out of the Valentine’s Day episode – is staying home to spend quality time with Jerky McPhee.
Diva: I’m so glad the Jackers thing made you as happy as it made me. Pacey calls him that again later in the episode, and I totally want this to become a thing.
K: We should start calling him Jackers too.
Will takes her suitcase, and Andie’s all “Ooooh, a gentleman!”. I’m distracted by her jeans, because you could fit like ten other people in those things.
Pacey wanders over to Joey, and she sighs that she thought he was sitting this one out. He awkwards that Will turned up and contrivance dictated that he go he thought he should show Will a good time, and then he trails off because he doesn’t really have a decent answer. He awkwards some more and goes to help load the car.
HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH!
After the credits, we’re at Leery’s Fresh Fish, the worst named restaurant of ever. Henry’s gotten a job as a busboy so that he can spend more time with Jen, and she calls him a saint for spending spring break at a fish restaurant. “Well, you know what they say. There’s a fine line between saint and moron…” he says. He heads off to bus tables, and a snobby looking blonde girl wanders up to drool over him to Jen. Instead of being all “Yeah, that’s my boyfriend…”, Jen smiles fondly until Snobby Blonde’s drooling turns from “he’s a puppy dog” to “I wanna bang that like a screen door in a hurricane”, and then Jen snaps at her to go do her fucking job and wait tables.
Diva: USE YOUR WORDS, JEN. You know how much we Snark Ladies hate when TV characters fail to solve easy problems with the obvious choice of JUST SAYING STUFF.
K: SERIOUSLY.
Meanwhile, the roadtrip crew are having lunch at a diner. Andie gives Will a get-to-know-you quiz, including favourite movie, favourite book, and future career aspirations. She also teases Pacey about how he can possibly be friends with Will, who likes books and non-Adam Sandler movies. He takes it on the chin.
Diva: In Pacey’s defense, you were still allowed to like Adam Sandler movies fifteen years ago.
K: I mean, I still like The Wedding Singer. But only because it’s adorable and not Adam Sandler-like.
Andie then starts quizzing Dawson about Aunt Gwen, and we get an infodump: she’s a painter who loves yoga and left her lawyer husband for a bearded hippy painter who’s 20 years older than her. (D: This is teen-friendly TV-speak for “Aunt Gwen smokes a ton of weed.”) “We gonna get to meet this wife-stealing Picasso?” Pacey asks. I mention it only because I love it when the characters provide the nicknames for me. But sadly, no. Wife Stealing Picasso died last year. Everyone sad pandas. (D: Especially me and Kirsti, because we don’t get more use out of that awesome nickname.) Except Will, who says it’s better to have a short time with someone you really love rather than a lifetime with someone who’s basically a roommate. Pacey and Joey glance at each other before looking away.
Diva: I have only one note on this scene: #MEANINGFULGLANCES
K: SO MANY OF THEM.
Leery’s Fresh Fish. Gail and Mitch are working on the books when some random woman named Megan wanders up and says hi. She’s an old friend, apparently, and they’re thrilled to see her. Mitch asks where her husband is, and Megan’s face falls before saying “We should talk“. I yell “GET BACK TO THE PACEPHINE” at my screen, because I have zero fucks to give about anyone whose surname is Leery.
Cut to the post-talk talk. Apparently Megan’s husband is dead. Awkward. She gets a little teary about how he was one of the good guys, then asks how they’re doing. Mitch goes to say that they’ve split up, but Gail interrupts and says everything’s totally perfect and that Dawson’s “a big bundle of precocious angst“, which is possibly the kindest description she could have provided. Megan says she’s pleased they followed through on their fish restaurant dreams, then gives Gail an envelope that contains the speech her husband made when he was Mitch’s best man. Everyone looks feelsy.
Diva: “Hi, my husband died in order to make you feel guilty about your divorce. Kay, baiiii!”
K: Essentially, yes.
Meanwhile, the roadtrip gang have arrived at Aunt Gwen’s. There’s music blaring, and FREAKING JULIE BOWEN (D: YAAS!) is painting and dancing around the living room simultaneously. When she realises they’ve arrived, she shuts off the music and hugs Dawson and Joey. Then she tells a story about how she and Pacey have met before: apparently mini!Pacey was chasing mini!Joey around at Gail’s 4th of July party, and when Aunt Gwen stopped him, he said “Hey lady, step on my buzz, why don’t you?“. Fabulous.
Later that night, Joey comes out of the bathroom in her PJs and finds herself face to face with Pacey. (D: In his ribbed tank and pajama pants, just making sixteen-year-old Diva swoon all over the place.) She asks if they’re just going to have one word conversations all week, and he points out that this isn’t an ideal place to discuss the thing that they already established was nothing. She agrees that it was nothing, and says there shouldn’t be any weirdness between them. OH BUT THERE IS, BECAUSE CONTRIVANCE HAS ARRIVED. Everyone else is already asleep on the floor of Aunt Gwen’s spare room, meaning that Pacey and Joey have to share the bed. I love this almost as much as I love the fake married trope in fan fic. Which is to say, A LOT.
Diva: GREATEST CONTRIVANCE EVER.
K: Joey insists that Pacey do something, and he sighs before waking Dawson. He asks Dawson to give Joey his sleeping bag, and Dawson’s all “Ew, I’m not sharing a bed with you” and goes back to sleep. He tries to wake Andie without success. Will’s already awake, and flat out refuses to sleep with Pacey before saying that he doesn’t know Joey well enough to share a bed with her.
Pacey tells Joey they’re just going to have to deal with it, and climbs into bed. She starts to ramble about how she doesn’t want to feel anything, and he snaps “Jo? Get in bed. And while you’re at it, get over yourself.” She pissily climbs into bed, still in her dressing gown, and they bicker over the covers and whose butt is touching whose, and essentially it’s magical. Fade to black.
K: They really do.
The next morning, Pacey wakes up and looks over at an-only-sort-of-asleep Joey. He leans towards her, and is about to kiss her arm when Aunt Gwen calls out that it’s breakfast. He jumps back to his side of the bed and pretends that he’s just woken up. Downstairs, Aunt Gwen says she has an awesome dinner planned, but it requires shopping and shopping requires minions. Namely, Dawson and Joey. She encourages the rest of them to explore the town, and its one highlight: a pool hall. Pacey and Will are all “AWESOME, POOL!”, and Andie pooh-poohs them. Will insists that he’ll teach her and she scoffs and eyerolls.
Back in Capeside, Gail tries to make Mitch talk about his Dead Friend Feels. All he’ll say is that he wishes he’d phoned his friends more, but he wishes a lot of things. Gail hands him the speech and tells him to read it, because it was nice to see them through someone else’s eyes for a change. He refuses and walks off as the Tinkly Orchestra tinkles.
Diva: OH MY GOD MOVE ON TO PACEPHINE ALREADY.
K: #accurate
Outside, Jen sees Snooty Blonde flirting with Henry. She heads over and informs Snooty Blonde that they’re short staffed so she needs to work two sections today. Snooty Blonde bitchfaces away, and Henry insists that they were just talking and that Jen seems jealous. She scoffs and he sad pandas away. JEN. GIRL. USE YOUR WORDS OR I’LL REVOKE YOUR MVP STATUS. (D: COSIGN.)
Pool Hall. Andie informs Will that he sucks at pool. She pots a ball, and gloats a little when Pacey manages to flick the cue ball off the table. A couple of flannel shirt wearing dudes spot their terribleness and ask if they want to play. Andie insists it would be wrong because the boys are so bad at pool. Will grins and says they’ll play. How could you say no to these faces? I mean, seriously:
Diva: LOL. Neither do I. And it doesn’t matter, because everything Pacey does is amazing.
K: Truth.
At a homewares store, Dawson flips through art prints. Aunt Gwen is shocked by this because she missed the whole Shrine of Spielberg Massacre (RIP) of 1998. Dawson fills her in on his “crisis of faith” (SERIOUSLY?) (D: Does this mean Spielberg is his God? Actually, that explains a lot…) before she notes that this seems to have coincided with a lack of making out between him and Joey. They give a ridiculously long recap of everything that’s happened between them in the past two years, ending with the fact that they decided to just be friends. Joey mentions that Dawson asked Pacey to look out for her, and Aunt Gwen’s all “Uh, why is Pacey relevant?”. Joey awkwards. Aunt Gwen asks why they’re not together now, and Joey looks slightly horrified while Dawson gets “…huh” face.
Elsewhere, Will and Pacey count their pool hustling winnings as Andie is horrified and kind of grossed out. Girl, you should meet the Winchesters. Will gives her her share of the winnings, and she looks conflicted. For some reason, that throws us into a montage of Pacey, Andie, Will and Aunt Gwen washing a horse??? I have literally no explanation for it, and the horse doesn’t seem particularly pleased about this turn of events.
The camera pans up to show us Dawson and Joey sitting in the hay loft. He asks if he seems any different to her, because he’s been putting all this energy into reinventing himself but can’t see the pay off. Joey insists that he is different, because he used to have to be the centre of attention, but recently “I’ve been watching you fade into the background and let others shine.” FADE MORE, DAWSON. FADE RIGHT INTO THE BACKGROUND. BECOME THE BACKGROUND.
Diva: “We’re giving Dawson less screen time because he’s the worst and everyone ships Pacephine,” is what this hay loft convo actually is.
K: YUP.
They smile at each other, and he says this week has reminded him of how much sense they make in each other’s lives, just like always. “Things are changing, Dawson…” Joey says as the Tinkly Guitar tinkles. Joey talks about how things evolve and drop away, but he insists that growing up and growing apart are mutually exclusive concepts. She’s inclined to disagree. He tells her to have faith. Blah blah blah, I WANT MY PACEPHINE. Joey smiles and says he hasn’t changed at all – he’s still an eternal optimist. Dawson says he’s forgotten why they’re not together. Thankfully, they’re interrupted by Pacey asking if they want to join in on the horse bath thing. The camera pans down to show us “Dawson + Joey Best Friends Forever” carved into the wood under Joey’s foot. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Joey points out her favourite one of Aunt Gwen’s paintings. It’s of the house. Aunt Gwen tells Joey that she did it when she was taking an art class before she left her husband, and the teacher told them to close their eyes and paint their future, and that everything else would take care of itself. Joey asks if she has any regrets about Wife Stealing Picasso, and Aunt Gwen babbles about how her marriage was safe but Wife Stealing Picasso made her feel alive.
Joey smiles, but her smile drops when Aunt Gwen says you can’t ignore those sorts of feelings and she owed it to herself to explore them. Aunt Gwen leads Joey over to a painting she did of mini!Dawson and mini!Joey and says that it’s her favourite. There’s some definite Eyebrows of Innuendo involved. Joey stares at it sadly. Pacey walks in and they have an awkward monosyllabic exchange before Joey rushes off to help Aunt Gwen with dinner.
Back in Capeside, Leery’s Fresh Fish is super busy. Henry rushes up to Jen in a panic and informs her that Snobby Blonde just offered him sex. (D: The way Michael Pitt delivers this line is beyond hilarious.) He’s totally freaked. Jen asks if he finds Snobby Blonde attractive, and he insists that he doesn’t, but she tells him to go have sex with her because she’s sick of everything and totally not jealous. I…am confused. Henry is too.
Meanwhile, Andie finds Will sitting alone on the porch, and calls him totally contradictory. She asks why he’s so unhappy, and apparently there are too many things to mention. She tells him to start with one. He says that his father, like so many fathers in Traumaland, is an asshole who treats his mother like dirt. He couldn’t take it any more, which is why he came to Capeside for spring break. Andie looks feelsy.
Diva: BUT REALLY BACK TO PACEPHINE PLEASE, EVEN AUNT GWEN IS OUT OF FUCKS TO GIVE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE:
K: A+ gif selection.
Back at the restaurant, Gail tells Mitch that they can still talk even though they’re not married. She points out that they’re still friends, and he snaps that if they’re such good friends, they’d still be married. Thankfully, we cut away from the storyline I don’t care about to a karaoke session at Aunt Gwen’s. We montage through a group rendition of Louie Louie, Andie singing a truly terrible rendition of O-o-h Child (which makes me want to watch Guardians of the Galaxy for the tenth time), and Pacey singing Wild Thing. (D: CUTE OVERLOAD ALERT.) Then Aunt Gwen calls up Dawson and Joey to sing the song they always sing together. It’s Daydream Believer. Pacey looks feelsy as they dork around together. Then he walks out. Joey’s confused and trails off mid-line.
Leery’s Fresh Fish. Jen watches Snobby Blonde flirt with Henry some more, and the Zoomy Cameraman zooms in dramatically. She storms over and tells Snobby Blonde to back off her boyfriend. Snobby Blonde’s horrified and wants to know why Jen didn’t say something. Jen flounders for a moment, then says “Because I have issues, okay?“. It shouldn’t be funny, but it is. Henry smile as Jen rambles about how she’s not giving him up without a fight. She also calls Snobby Blonde a “slutty wench“, and JEN, GIRL. NO. Restaurant patrons – who are all like 50 – stare. Jen asks Henry if he’s happy now, and walks away.
Diva: I move to strike Jen’s MVP status on the basis of her slut-shaming. She must do something awesome and feminist in the next episode if she hopes to reenter our good graces.
K: Agreed.
Joey finds Pacey sitting alone outside, and asks if he’s okay. He’s not. He can’t compete with the epic history of Dawson and Joey. “Pacey, you’re not supposed to compete! We’re supposed to have our own hist…” Joey says. She trails off awkwardly, and the look of hope that appears on Pacey’s face made me squeal.
D: It was around this point in the episode that my notes devolved from actual sentences into me just typing KISS HIM KISS HIM KISS HIM over and over again.
K: Same, girl. Same.
Joey insists that she didn’t mean that, and she’s not sure what she meant. Pacey announces that the situation between them sucks. “It’s uncomfortable and weird and I hate every single second of it!” he says. See also: how I feel about the Dawson/Joey relationship. HEEEEEEYO.
She asks why he came to Aunt Gwen’s if he hates it so much, and he’s all “Oh my God, are you dense?”. He came because of her. Joey looks shocked. When you like someone, Pacey says, being around them is a good thing regardless of how they feel about you. He walks away, and Joey looks torn. She turns and tells him that she felt it. He looks confused. She clarifies: she felt it this morning (I may have snort laughed) when his arm brushed hers in bed. It made her feel alive. Pacey looks thoughtful and Joey stares at the ground.
Diva: Oh, yeah, I’m so sure it was his ARM she felt. Girl, c’mon.
K: #awkwardPaceyboner
“Joey? I’m going to kiss you now,” he says, and I scream at my television. (D: SO LOUD I SCARED MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR’S DOGS INTO HOWLING. Or maybe they were just squeeing because Pacephine is their OTP too.) Joey insists that he can’t, but he’s already walking towards her. He says she can’t say things like that and expect not to be kissed as a result. He’s going to kiss her in ten seconds, and if she wants him not to, she should stop him. It’s…slightly ick-worthy and controlling, but I’m going with “it’s a 90s thing” and hoping for the best.
D: He at least didn’t say “try” to stop him. Implying that her stopping him would actually stop things. That’s something, I guess? Sorry, I’m fishing for consent here.
K: He stares at Joey, and she slowly looks up at him. “Ten,” he whispers. And then he kisses her and I flail like one of those inflatable tube men that are always outside car dealerships.
Diva: Kirsti and I be like:
K: Except for the part where they’re interrupted by Aunt Gwen, who looks super judgey. Pacey says coldly that he’s going to head inside for some more karaoke, and leaves. Aunt Gwen says she understands now why Dawson and Joey aren’t together, and Joey says she can explain. Aunt Gwen says it’s none of her business, but she’s pretty sure Joey should tell Dawson.
Joey insists it was a mistake, but Aunt Gwen’s all “Do you think I’m fucking blind?”. She tells Joey not to be reckless with other people’s feelings, and points out that it could have been Dawson who saw them. She heads back inside, and Joey looks hurt. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Andie finds Pacey sitting alone on the sofa. The Tinkly Guitar tinkles some more as she asks if he’s okay, and then says that Will’s not what she expected. Pacey says it’s been years since Will moved away but “Once you bond over dysfunctional dad issues, there’s no turning back“. Ow, my heart. Andie says Will told her about his dad, and Pacey’s all “Skkkkkrt, DO YOU LIKE HIM??”. She’s not sure, but she thinks it’s better to be open about these things. Moving on is natural, and there’s no reason to carry around a ton of guilt about it. “I want you to be happy, Pacey…” she says. He smiles sadly.
Diva: Andie is wise. Stop yo’ sneaking around and start kissing all the time always forever.
K: YUP.
Henry finds Jen crying in a storeroom. She says she hates crying, especially when she has no idea why she’s crying. You and me both, girl. He asks what’s going on, and she says she was jealous and it freaked her out. She’s spent years building walls around herself so people couldn’t get too close, and then he came along and tore them down. And it’s terrifying because she might lose him. He insists that he’s not going anywhere and kisses her as some late 90s female singer-songwriter wibbles in the background.
Diva: WHY AM I EVEN WATCHING THESE TWO KISS WHEN I COULD BE WATCHING PACEPHINE. LIKE WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT THESE TWO.
K: Mitch finds Gail doing the books. She follows him over to the bar as he says that he read the toast and got an urge to see his friend again. So he’s been watching their wedding video. Wedding!Mitch has a mullet and I can’t stop laughing. Present!Mitch says that he had to let Gail go, even though he didn’t want to. She tearfully asks what that has to do with anything, and Mitch says remembering what they were hurts for him. They agree that after seeing Widow!Megan all their problems seemed trivial. They watch their past selves dancing at their wedding, and then Mitch takes Gail’s hand and they dance to a late 90s female singer-songwriter version of Daydream Believer.
Back at Aunt Gwen’s, Dawson looks at old photos of himself and Joey goofing around and singing karaoke. He shows them to Joey, and they laugh over them before she says they need to talk. But once again, Aunt Gwen interrupts. She goes to leave, but Joey insists they can talk later and walks out. Aunt Gwen presents Dawson with the horrible painting of mini!Dawson and mini!Joey for his bedroom wall, now that it’s de-Spielberged.
She tells him that his dreams are an asset, and he says he lacks inspiration. She tells him to close his eyes and paint the future. She asks what he sees, but not even the cameraman gives a fuck because we cut outside to Joey sitting down next to Pacey at a campfire. He insists that he won’t kiss her again, and she looks a little sad. He asks what’s going on, and Joey says she has no idea. He wants a better explanation, and she says she’s been trying to get him out of her head for, like, ever, but it’s not working.
“Do you really want it to work?” he asks. She says she tried to tell Dawson, but couldn’t find the words. Pacey asks what she would have said, and Joey has no idea. Pacey doesn’t believe her, and says she doesn’t have answers because she’s been too scared to ask herself the right questions. They both know how he feels about her, but that’s not the point. The point is how she feels about him. “So how do you feel?” he snaps. “Awful,” she replies.
Pacey looks like a sad puppy for a second, then says that he’s never felt better and worse simultaneously than when he kissed her. The idea of Dawson or Andie finding out is killing him, but he can’t do anything about his feelings for her. “I can’t keep on kissing you, Jo,” he says. But what he means is that it can’t all be him. If she’s into it, she has to make the next move.
Diva: Amen!
K: Our favourite thing!
Joey cries, and he begs her to look at him. When she does, he says “If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you, then we wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.” He turns to go, and Joey grabs his hand. He stares at their hands for a moment, and THEN SHE KISSES HIM AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD AND IF THERE ARE NO MORE RECAPS IT’S BECAUSE MY HEART EXPLODED AND I’M DEAD. Fade to black.
K: All aboard the HMAS Pacephine, my friends. Our time has come.
Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Dawson finds out about his NOTP in S03 E20 – The Longest Day.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
