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Ryan: The last OC episode I recapped for Snark Squad had a lot of future Twilight actors and according to IMDB, this episode has a mini Pretty Little Liars get-together. Crossover magic is a thing I attract, apparently.
We open to Ryan staring at a fantasy of Taylor sexily dancing on the Cohen’s kitchen counter with some very big hair.
Seth grabs Ryan’s bagel (RUDE) and heads out even though Ryan is eager to talk. This is rare for Ryan, so Seth? You could’ve waited 10 minutes.
Dean’s Office. A woman I think is probably the Dean of Brown tells Summer that the board has decided to suspend her until the following fall. You can see Summer’s world crashing as she asks what she’s supposed to do. Her dad is in Seattle, Taylor moved into her house, Seth is moving to RI, and she’ll miss finals. Probably Dean of Brown tells Summer she needs to go home.
CALIFORNIAAAAA.
Dorm. Summer dejectedly packs up her side of the room while comforting Pancakes the rabbit. Chris Pratt enters to say goodbye while Summer is angry at him. This is probably my least favorite role I’ve ever seen Chris Pratt in.
Summer tells him to leave “before I tie you up with hemp rope, set you on fire, and get high off of the fumes from your burning flesh.” Go Summer! I love her rage rants so much.
Chris Pratt tries to be optimistic by saying he made a difference in her life because she would tie him with hemp. If by difference he means getting her sent home that certainly is a difference. He prattles on about her being a hero for “the cause” and Summer dismisses him.
Pool House. We hear rock music as Ryan ties his shoes, leading to another fantasy of a soaking wet Taylor washing the windows.
Kirsten enters to “audition” for the part of Seth in Ryan’s life. The situation is incredibly awkward. Ryan tells Kirsten that normally Seth just talks about himself while Ryan solves his own problems. Kirsten moves right to the point by bringing up Taylor. “If we’re going to talk about girls, I am a far more knowledgeable resource than my son.” HA. And yes.
Ryan says she can’t tell Seth, then tells Kirsten he and Taylor kissed and he can’t stop thinking about her. Kirsten calls that cute, offending Ryan while I cheer at everything going on here. The Kirsten and Ryan relationship growth is great.
Cooper-Infested Roberts Residence. Kaitlin’s tennis instructor pulls up to deliver her restrung racket. She calls him sweet and openly flirts with him. In an amazing twist for an episode featuring multiple PLL actors, this guy is not a pedophile and tells Kaitlin to find friends/boyfriends her own age. I COULDN’T AGREE MORE.
…Mall? Pier? The rock music from before starts then abruptly stops as Taylor calls out Ryan’s name. Ryan is embarrassed and walks away, upsetting Taylor. He reassures her that the problem was not the kiss as she goes on about being a lip-biter who occasionally draws blood. Ryan just lets the oversharing fly by and asks her on a date. Taylor doesn’t quite get what he means at first, saying she’ll be busy updating her blog. SAME. Understanding dawns and she wholeheartedly accepts, suggesting they watch anime in the comic book shop.
People are on the bleachers cheering as mostly naked guys climb out of the pool. Kaitlin walks by, making sarcastic remarks, and sits in front of two girls. One of them being MONA. The other being some person. We’ll just call her Mona’s Friend. Kaitlin has a sort of conversation with them and asks about smoking weed by the bleachers.
HANNA MARIN walks up to nag the girls about a favor they’re doing for her. Kaitlin wonders why they put up with Hanna. They tell her that it’s to get an invite to her party; if they don’t help they can’t go. The two girls also call out that Kaitlin is pretty much a nobody at Harbor. They leave Kaitlin by the pool.
Pier/Mall/Place. Ryan and Seth are on the phone. Seth just got off the plane in RI, and Ryan is about to go on his date with Taylor. He doesn’t actually tell Seth this though.
New Match. Julie and Kirsten are talking with a recurring Newpsie about her failed dates. Apparently they’re all Republican divorcees who love golf. Sounds thrilling. Kirsten wants to know how they can fix the issue and the Newpsie says they should surprise her.
Bullet (I only remember his nickname, not his actual name) walks in as she walks out and makes a comment about how “well-preserved” the women of Newport are.
Bullet came to invite his “girlfriend”, Julie, on a date. He insults Kirsten who gracefully leaves the scene before she snaps. Julie again makes her feelings about Bullet quite clear and rejects every offer he keeps throwing at her. He finally leaves when she threatens him with a taser, but not before he winks with implications.
(It may be too much JT, but whatever it’s appropriate.)
Comic Shop. Taylor and Ryan are watching anime and Taylor talks about how the blood and decapitation helps her sleep each night.
They both reach for popcorn at the same time then shuffle in their seats awkwardly. Ryan puts his arm around her and they lean in to kiss, but Ryan pulls away. He says that it’s too weird, offending Taylor, correcting himself that it’s him who is weird after she leaves the room.
Casa de Cohen. Summer enters Seth’s room to surprise him as he calls to surprise her from her old dorm. This is very much deja vu. Summer tells Seth she was kicked out because of Chris Pratt and Seth vows to hurt Pratt. Summer tries to dissuade him, but he hangs up.
Pool House. Sandy enters to take Seth’s job as best friend. Ryan turns him down because he has (badly) handled the Taylor situation. Ryan thinks it’s too soon for a relationship, but Sandy tells him he can keep it casual. Then Sandy imitates Seth and slouches out of the room talking about indie rock and comics. Peter Gallagher really got the head floppy thing that Seth does.
Anyway, Seth finds a DVD with his name on it. Somehow Chris Pratt found out Seth was looking for him and made the DVD to tell him he’s in hiding. Summer says he’s probably in hiding with Osama bin Laden (what up 2006) and they hang up.
Julie finds Summer on the lawn and wonders why Summer is in Newport. She tells her that she’s there for Summer and that Summer needs to take her room back from Taylor.
Pool. Hanna Marin has all the hopeful girls on the bleachers while she sets the rules for her party invitations. Mona and Mona’s Friend hope they’re invited. Kaitlin is on the other side of a wall smoking and listening in. Hanna Marin didn’t invite Mona and Mona’s Friend because their saliva stained the envelopes. Kaitlin pops through the fence and invites everyone to her party that totally was planned. Hanna Marin lists the fancy things she’s having while Kaitlin just lists booze and no parents. All the girls are excited except for Hanna Marin, who angrily stalks away. We get a close of of Kaitlin’s face, which looks pensive at what she just did.
New Match. Julie incredulously asks some unseen person(s) if they’re serious about joining New Match. The camera turns to reveal a hoard of 20-something guys led by Bullet’s son, the tennis instructor. He convinced his son and co. to join so that he can go out with Julie. Julie makes up plans for herself, Kirsten, and Sandy, but the Bullet invites himself along anyway.
Maybe it’s called the boardwalk? Ryan knocks on the comic shop door to see Taylor. Taylor invites him in and introduces him to a big haired guy who she acts attracted to. Clear to everyone but Ryan, this is an attempt to make him jealous. Ryan asks if they can be friends and Taylor /seems/ cool with it and channels LITDH Barbie with a “sounds terrif!” Taylor sends Ryan away.
Summer’s Room. She and Seth are on the phone. The doorbell rings after she hangs up and she opens it expecting Seth. Buuuut, it’s Chris Pratt. She slams the door in his face, opens it again to make a face at him and slams it again.
Kaitlin’s Room. Kaitlin is telling someone on the phone to circle the block with the kegs until she gets her mom out of the house. She goes to coyly ask her mom where she’s going. Julie tells her about the impromptu weekend getaway and Kaitlin’s first thought is that Sandy and Kirsten want to “spice up their relationship.” Um EW. YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT YOUR FAMILY KAITLIN. Julie tells Kaitlin that Taylor and Summer are in charge as Summer barges through the house yelling at Chris Pratt.
In the kitchen, Summer and Chris Pratt argue. Summer pushes a water bottle at him and he handcuffs her to himself.
Summer pulls him away at a brisk pace.
Fancy Restaurant. Sandy and Kirsten walk to their table. Kirsten tries to tell him about the Bullet, but they see him before she says anything. The pure joy on Sandy’s face when he sees Bullet is nonexistent because Bullet is kind of the worst. Julie bounds up and they all sit down as Bullet continues to make everyone ultra-uncomfortable.
Cooper Infested Home. Taylor leads Big Hair Guy to her room to show him a collectors item. Instead, she finds Chris Pratt handcuffed to Summer while she sorts laundry. Everyone says each others name’s quite a bit and Taylor is impressed by Summer’s current sexcapade. Summer is disgusted, tells everyone to ignore Chris Pratt, then threatens to kill Pratt. Physical comedy ensues as Summer and Chris Pratt try to get around a bed pole when they hear a noise downstairs.
Downstairs. Kaitlin is having her minions roll in the kegs for the party in “her house.” “This is my house, I think…” says Summer.
Taylor and Summer lay down the law that there will be no party. I was confused at first, because wasn’t that their entire high school career? Then I remembered Taylor didn’t exist was alone until senior year, and college has changed Summer’s perspective. Kaitlin is weirded out by basically everything about the older girls and leaves the room.
Pool House of 80s Fantasy. Ryan is watching low quality television (evidenced in that Comic Sans is one of the fonts used) and changes to a channel with sexy Taylor rollerskating. He’s interrupted by Seth. Seth blathers about his problems, Ryan confesses he likes Taylor and they both go to the Roberts/Cooper house.
General teen partying. Taylor tries to get the younger teens to play Pictionary. Summer and Chris Pratt wander through the crowd, with Chris Pratt giving good life advice to the non-listening.
Inside. Kaitlin is running a 7 minutes in Heaven closet, and picks Hanna Marin’s boyfriend who looks like he should be on Teen Wolf. Oohing and squealing commence from the teen girls. Inside the closet Kaitlin tries to get the kissing going and finds out Not From Teen Wolf is gay.
Awful Dinner Party. I /could/ recap the entire dinner, but we’ll leave it at Bullet is the worst.
Party. Ryan and Seth go searching for Taylor and Summer. Ryan walks in on Big Hair Guy in bed with Not From Teen Wolf. Ryan asks Big Hair Guy what he’s doing with Taylor and finds out what the rest of us probably guessed – Taylor payed him to like her to make Ryan jealous.
Outside Party. Seth sees Chris Pratt standing by the pool when Summer comes out from behind Pratt. Seth is having none of Chris Pratt, and shoves him into the pool. More physical comedy happens when he realizes too late that Summer is handcuffed to Chris Pratt.
Inside Party. Kaitlin is stalking about the house as Hanna Marin walks in. Hanna tears up as she tells Kaitlin that no one came to her party and that Kaitlin won the school. But Kaitlin doesn’t want the school, she just wants Hanna to be nice to her friends.
(Sidebar – It isn’t much of a secret that Kaitlin Cooper is one of my favorites, but her “help people see their error” thing in this episode confuses me. I feel like Kaitlin may have some kind of personality disorder? But I really don’t know enough about them to know if I’m imagining things? What I do know is that none of the Cooper women have proved to be 100% stable.)
Any tangent, Kaitlin then walks away and calls 911 to report the party.
Outside Party. Chris Pratt sobs about how he’s a “worthless coward” while Summer looks ready to die. Seth brings towels and the following interaction was kind of great.
Chris Pratt: I hate myself more than you could ever hate me!
Summer: I’m capable of a lot of hate.
Seth: That’s true.
Summer:*glares*
Chris Pratt tells Summer that she was the only one who really cared about the cause. Summer accepts his apology, admitting she willingly took part in the bunny heist. When Chris Pratt goes to blow his nose, Summer gets EW face and insists he take of the handcuffs first. GOOD CALL.
Chris Pratt removes the cuffs then calls for someone named Dalton. Apparently, Chris Pratt’s real name is Winchester and his father is rich business man with pharmaceutical companies and mansions and planes. Isn’t that just the coolest.
Inside Party. Ryan finally finds Taylor scrubbing “I love poop” off of one of Kaitlins minions face’s. It looks like she might be using steel wool, which would be awful. Also, Taylor, that is hardly the worst thing to write on someone’s face; have you seen 10 Things I Hate About You??
Ryan confronts her about “renting a homosexual for the evening,” (her words, not mine) and “paying him in rare collectibles.” She turns the tables and asks why he cares she did that. Ryan tells her he isn’t ready for a relationship or girlfriend right now, and Taylor says he’s ahead of himself. Although she uses the word “married” which is not the same thing as girlfriend, so I think we all know where she wants this to go.
Taylor says she just wants to spend time with him.
Awful Dinner Party. Julie comes back to the table for reasons I do not understand. Bullet makes his (weak) excuses and Julie agrees to breakfast. Ugh I can’t stand these scenes.
Casa de Cohen. The doorbell rings, probably 5 minutes after Sandy and Kirsten got home. That’s always the worst. The Bullet hired a Justice of the Peace for the re-dedication of the marriage vows. Since he’s already paid for, the Cohen’s go for it. At least, that’s how I read the situation.
Party. The camera focuses on Kaitlin standing still as the police arrive and everyone else moves around at fast-forward pace. She looks so disconnected by everything going on around her. I stand by my guess that she has some kind of disorder.
Bar. Julie drinks alone when Tennis Instructor calls to thank her. He says he’ll give her “her cut” when he gets back. He thinks he signed up to be a male prostitute????? Where do you get that from dating service??? Immediately after hanging up, the Newpsie from earlier calls Julie to tell her that all of her friends will know. “Kirsten and Julie unwittingly start a gigolo business” is something I never expected from this show…
Casa de Cohen. We see everyone’s favorite parents finish the ceremony and kiss.
Closet. Ryan and Taylor reach their 7 minutes, but decide to continue anyway. I mean, when the police have cleared the house already there isn’t any line so…
Summer’s Room. Seth and Summer discuss the future. He decides to put off college another semester and they’ll stay together. Aww.
Summer shows Seth her new rabbit and we fade out as they pet the softness.
I'm an avid mystery fan who dabbles in just about every other genre. I spend most of my days shelving books, writing papers, reading books, and watching more TV than should be possible.
