Grey Chapter 13 – Brought to you by A

Previously: It was supposed to be a big deal that Grey goes back to tell Ana to stop crying.
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Jessica: In a shocking turn of events, we do not get a chronologically detailed description of Christian Grey going about every aspect of his boring life to start this chapter, but in fact, jump right to the time and place of the next “plot” point in the story.

Mia, ever ebullient, literally squeals Grey’s name and hugs him at the airport. She wants to talk about his new girl, but he would rather do actual work and heavy lifting of her luggage than speak with her about that. She chatters on anyway, about Paris and how she didn’t like her cooking instructor, and a long list of very generic things about Paris, but, Grey is sure to point out, mostly fashion and shopping.

“And I thought she went to Paris to cook,” thinks Grey, all condescending. Shut up! (and I’m directing this at both the character and the writer) The woman-hate didn’t take long to rear its ugly head.

Next, we’re thrown into a flashback of baby!Grey who is given even-more-baby!Mia to hold in his arms. He loves the baby and whispers her name. This seems to be the first time he speaks since he was adopted and his mother cries. Hmm, that was kind of a sweet story, maybe? But don’t worry, fellow readers, the feeling won’t last.

Alex: I was confused by how cute I found this story too. Something in this book didn’t make me see rage spots? I’m scared. I don’t like change.

Marines: These baby!Grey moments usually only happen when he’s asleep so my confusion was mostly, “…did he just fall asleep as Mia was talking about shopping?” But okay. I guess it was cute.

J: All her woman-talk threw him into a trance. She’s just lucky he wasn’t driving when this happened

Grey drives Mia to their parents’ house, where she pouts because no one has run to greet her or made any kind of fuss over her. How old is this character supposed to be? 20-something going on 12? The only person who does greet them is a housekeeper who’s also an exchange student for some reason, and whose name Grey can’t be bothered to remember. (A: Oh, the rage is back now. Phew.) Man, I hope she’s just an exchange student who went looking for work for some extra cash, not someone the school put with the family to have a cultural experience.

Grey says that Exchange Student greets Mia with “stilted English” when what she actually says is “Welcome home,” which is perfectly legitimate and grammatically correct. Then, according to Grey, she looks at him “with big cow eyes” and he sighs internally over the curse of being the Most Handsome Man In All The World.

Mari: He repeats his favorite line of, “it’s just a pretty face.” I hate it. And I know that there are so many people, real and imaginary, who would line up to make that face a little less pretty.

J: Mia produces a present she brought home for her brother. He opens it “warily” and uncovers a snow globe/music box and immediately judges it as “the kitschiest thing I’ve ever seen.” That makes him laugh. Then he thanks Mia and thinks how much she gets him, since she knew it would make him laugh. Did she know it would make him laugh out of condescension? Hard to tell. The character in Twilight Mia is based off of has sort of psychic powers, so who knows.

Their mother arrives right before Grey is forced to talk about Ana. She asks Grey to help Exchange Student Gretchen take Mia’s bags upstairs and Grey’s all mad because what is he, a servant now? He grudgingly does so, then peaces out to go to the gym before they can ask him any more questions about his personal life.

Alex: So this is the first time he’s seen his sister in months and he ditches her five seconds after she gets home to go to the GYM? His awfulness truly knows no bounds.

Mari: She might start talking about shopping again or worse, ask him a question. Grey’s life is so difficult.

J: Grey’s trainer is a kickboxer named Bastille who, according to Grey, “is from the hard-knocks school of physical training.” LOL, ok. (M: Hard knock his face, Bastille! DO IT FOR US.) Anyway, Bastille kicks his ass and they have some truly stilted dialogue.

When we finish [Bastille] asks, “What gives? You’re distracted, man.”
“Life, you know,” I answer with an air of indifference.

I want to slap him so hard.

Mari: I laughed for a full minute when Grey says that Bastille is “all over his shit.” That’s weird.

J: I don’t know who Bastille is, but I approve of his kicking Grey’s ass. And his shit, and whatever.

Grey jogs back to his apartment and texts Elliott to get Ana’s new address, claiming to want to send a surprise over for both her and Kate. Two things: 1) there is NO WAY you can convince me that Grey, with his billionaire tracking technology, did not already know their address, and 2) there is also no way that he intended to give anything to Kate ever beyond his seething disdain.

After he texts Andrea the address, she replies:

Champagne and balloon sent. A

So of course my mind goes right to Pretty Little Liars, which I recap too. Is Andrea A?? Or, more likely, is CHRISTIAN GREY actually A, with Andrea doing all his dirty work for him? I can see it now: “Bone-wedding dress and shovel sent. -A”

Alex: A+.

Mari: Favorite theory is my favorite. Just a silly way to pass the time for Christian Grey.

J: Aaaaanyway…. Taylor is waiting when Grey arrives in his apartment and hands him a package. Sorry for so many direct quotes but I feel like the best way to emphasize how badly this is written is just to show it:

I recognize the anonymous wrapping: it’s the riding crop.

It’s anonymous! You can’t– ugh, never mind. Grey dismisses Taylor and holds the crop, thinking about how awesome it will be to use it on Ana. He’s certain it’s going to be the perfect tool to introduce her slowly into his world, since she was so turned on (he has decided) by his spanking last time.

Grey starts to do some work, but is interrupted by a phone call from Mrs. Rape. She wants to go out to dinner but he uses the family excuse. She mentions she’s found “a woman who I think might meet your needs” but he ignores the lead in and cuts the conversation short. We jump from there to him in the shower, wondering if it’s really Ana he likes, or just the chase.

Alex: There was an odd moment in the middle of this conversation where Mrs. Rape asked how Christian’s mum was doing, and he got all suspicious about why she was asking. I’m not going to lose sleep over it, but what was that all about?

J: Maybe she’s getting a little bit stalker-ish. Maybe she’s being a bit threatening. Maybe she’s A!!!

Dinner with the family. All the Grey kids are home with their parents, enjoying a home cooked meal. Inevitably, the subject of Ana comes up, broached by Mia. Elliott offers that Ana “popped his (Grey’s) cherry” and Grey says nothing more beyond “I met a girl.” Then his mom says it doesn’t matter because they’re going to meet her tomorrow at dinner, which sends Grey into an internal panic. He wonders if he can get out of this dinner.

His mother mentions that Mrs. Rape was asking about him. Oh yeah, that’s right– Mrs. Rape was her friend to begin with, and that’s how she met underage!Grey. You need to do a better job of vetting your friends, Mrs. Grey.

Grey begs out of dessert by saying he has to prepare for an important call the next day (on Sunday? Really?). His mom pushes about Ana coming and he gives in.

Shit. It looks like Anastasia Steele is going to meet my family.

Grey isn’t sure how he feels about that. Apparently EL James isn’t sure either, because this is where the chapter ends. It’s so strange — there’s crazy detail in parts of this book, down to the exact minute something happens, but in this one day we have with Grey away from Ana, we get a weird montage of random scenes from a seemingly normal day. For a book that’s allegedly supposed to reveal more about a character to its audience, it seems like this was a wasted opportunity. Basically, in more skilled hands, this would have been a good way for the author to give us a sense of what Grey is like with his family away from Ana, and separate from his random baby!flashbacks. But this book isn’t what it claims to be. It isn’t a closer look into the character of Grey. It’s a slightly dirtier, much more psychopathic re-telling of the first book, complete with copy-and-paste sections and continuity errors.

Mari: This was going to be my exact comment on this strange and short chapter. I mentioned in comments last week that this whole experience has been weird so far because E.L. James is adding next to nothing, and yet the little she adds manages to increase the grossness of this book exponentially.

Basically here we get a couple of scenes with his family and each time, it’s just him telling us he kind of loves them, even though his behavior toward them is always insulting and condescending. And then he finds an excuse to leave.

But, you know. E.L. James is committing to the bit and honestly taking us through every damn day, even if there is literally nothing there of any interest.

J: I’m not complaining too much. This chapter was short and I get to move on to the comments now!

 

Trauma Flashback:

• Elliott, who actually helped Ana and Kate move, impresses them with his mastery of the power drill. He pushes that button real good.
• When Grey’s helicopter balloon/champagne gift appears, Kate instinctually feels its creepy murder vibe, while Ana revels in having popped Grey’s helicopter cherry.

Baby Count: 0

Favorite Comment Last Post:

I like to think that Andrea has a folder on her computer labeled “Shit For Which I Deserve a Raise” where she keeps Dr. Best’s number and the florist and the Audi dealer’s info and background checks and encryption codes to the files on all Ghosts of Submissives Past so whenever Grey gets a new sub and wants to control her every reproductive decision Andrea just calls Dr. Best and goes, “Here we go again.” — Grammar Changeling

 

Next time on Grey: It’s gynecologist time on Sunday, May 29, 2011.