Dawson’s Creek S04 E01 – BOAT!SEX

Previously: The HMAS Pacephine sailed off into the sunset.
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Coming Home

Democracy Diva: Pacephine is fishing and kissing to the delight of millions. Unfortunately, they’re only a few hours from Capeside, when Pacey pitches the idea to just live off the boat LITERALLY FOREVER. And just never go back. He speechifies about how they’d only miss recycled plot lines and other meta things like that, and they should probably just never go back and continue making out. Then they jump off the boat holding hands in slow motion.

Is that safe when no one else is on the boat? Or did they pick up a captain along the way, who shares their cabin? I don’t know how boats work, you guys.

Kirsti: I’m assuming the boat is anchored, but STILL. Getting back onto that boat from the water seems…not fun. ALSO, there’s a moment here where Katie Holmes’ mic pack is HELLA obvious and WHY DIDN’T THEY RESHOOT OMG. 

Diva: Lolforever. This season is off to a great start.

Jen, Jack, and Andie are on a crowded beach. Dawson approaches and I’m already rolling my eyes. This scene exists solely to establish that Dawson and Jack have been painting houses all summer and also they’re going to see Jaws tonight.

K: It also makes me throw up a little because Dawson is shirtless.

Diva: The boys exit and Andie eye-flirts with some cute boys. Jen calls Andie out on her summer of abstinence, so Andie agrees to be bold and go actually talk to said cute boys. Jen, being awesome, heads out for snacks.

Pacephine deboards the boat and bicker about what they’ll tell people when they inevitably ask about BOAT!SEX. Joey insists they’re not going to ask, because she’s apparently never met any of her friends or family members.

Also, Pacey’s Hawaiian shirt is too much. Anyway, this will be the first 24 hours they spend apart in three months, and they give sarcastic casual goodbyes. Then the camera lingers so they can reunite and make out some more.

Hardware store. Dawson buys paint supplies and a rude lady asks him for help. It’s Gretchen, who I absolutely did not remember was Pacey’s sister. I knew she had been a thing before, but I legit had no clue who she was. She says she heard about what happened to Dawson (as if someone died, rather than his best friends falling in love), and they exchange overly wordy pleasantries. Jack comes back and asks who Gretchen was, and Dawson says it’s a long story. Except it’s not. Because she’s Pacey’s sister. See? 4 words.

K: But you forget. He’s incapable of using the word “Pacey” now. Also, I can’t help but note that now that Dawson’s hair has grown out a little, it looks like the blonde spider controlling his brain has been flattened.

Diva: I wonder if this will make Dawson’s decisions less migraine-inducing? Probably not.

Potter House. Bessie is already asking Joey about BOAT!SEX, because of course. She’s picturing this:

Any-tangent, Joey goes to unpack and I notice that her crop top is also backless. I have no words. She walks into her bedroom and encounters a random dude in his underwear. Bessie probably should have mentioned earlier that she’s been renting out Joey’s room and the tenant isn’t out until Tuesday. But good news: the B&B is exploding! Like, in popularity. Not with dynamite or anything.

Beach. Jen approaches Andie and the French boys she’s flirting with. One is named Jean and the other is Jean-Jean. One speaks English and the other does not. Andie agrees to tour them around Capeside because French accents are intoxicating like that.

Doug’s Bachelor Pad. Pacey gives his brother a snow globe as a present, and Doug is like, sorry bro, you can’t sleep on my couch because a girl is staying here. Gay jokes abound, but the girl staying on Doug’s couch – platonically – is Gretchen. (It took me until now to remember that Gretchen was their sister.)

Joey heads to Leery Manor and just lets herself in like creepers do. She calls for the Leerys, but no one is there. #poignant

Elsewhere, Dawson exposits that Gretchen was his first crush. Did we hear about this last time Gretchen was around, or is this just shoehorned in because contrivance? Anyway, there’s this whole story about him loving her from afar and the Witters basically thinking it was hilarious.

Doug’s Bachelor Pad. The Witters, and Gretchen mentions that she’s taking some time off from college, but doesn’t say why. Doug is all, go live on your boat, brother, and Gretchen suggests that he stay at the Potter B&B instead.

K: Which is basically a not-so-subtle reference to all the BOAT!SEX.

Diva: Grams’s House. Jen exposits that Henry is now at boarding school four hours away. Grams does not approve, because long distance majorly sucks. Jen tells her grandmother to go knit, and Grams does so eagerly. As soon as the old lady is out of earshot, Jen asks about BOAT!SEX. She’s picturing this:

Joey is not talking about it, which Jen assumes means affirmative on the BOAT!SEX. Joey hyperbolizes that they did it ALL the different ways. And then she asks how “everyone else” is doing (read: Dawson) and Jen says everyone is good. And she invites Joey to see Jaws at the Dive-In so that she can have a dramatic reunion with Dawson.

Andie tours the French boys around Capeside. They continue to be super fucking French, and she waxes romantic about romance and arts and all that. The one who doesn’t speak English says, in French, that she knows Paris so well because it’s in her heart. I’m having trouble caring about any of this.

K: Seriously. 

Diva: Dawson’s Red Room of Pain Dark Room. (K: Because apparently Dawson’s a photographer now. Ugh. Also, A+ naming.) He asks how Joey looked, like if she developed a hump or anything like that. Jen mentions her little invite to the Dive-In, and Dawson literally asks, “is what’s-his-name gonna be there?” as if he’s FORGOTTEN PACEY’S NAME. What a fucking drama queen. Jen wants them to get their awkwardness over with because she still feels guilty for Dawson finding out about Pacephine. Dawson thanks Jen because he had the best summer EVA, and they walk into the living room where Mitch and Gail are furiously making out.

Get a room.

K: As much as I don’t want to admit it, “deja screw” is pretty good. Dawson’s hair, on the other hand, is FUCKING AWFUL AND OFFENDS MY EYES.

Diva: WASH YOUR HAIR, DAWSON.

Joey is on a pier husking corn. I kid you not. Pacey sneaks up behind her and asks if she can stay at the Potter B&B tonight. She mentions the B&B’s extra tenant in her room, and they realize Capeside didn’t miss them all that much. Pacey wants to hang out tonight, but since Joey thought they were doing that whole 24-hours-apart thing, she made plans to go to the Dive-In. Pacey is so not ready to face everyone from school, and then asks if Joey was going to go without him. She wants them to go together, to face everyone, including Dawson. Pacey says he doesn’t care where they are, as long as they’re together, and they make out some more and we’re all happy again.

Dive-In, where apparently you watch movies while swimming in the ocean? That would be awesome, if they weren’t watching fucking JAWS, THE ONLY MOVIE YOU SHOULD NEVER WATCH WHILE ACTUALLY IN THE FUCKING OCEAN.

K: But also, there are people watching from boats and people watching from the beach. I don’t understand how anyone can successfully see the screen.

Diva: It is all very confusing.

Andie and her French boys run into the rest of the gang, and Pacephine appears holding hands as Dawson’s face falls. He immediately turns on Jen, because she promised “what’s-his-name” wouldn’t be here tonight, but Jen is as surprised as Dawson is. Joey drops Pacey’s hand and tells him to go get a drink while she faces Dawson on her own. Jack and Jen split up to play buffer to Joey and Dawson, respectively.

Gretchen approaches Pacey on the beach and takes him for a walk to complain about how Doug is like Felix Unger but on crack. They joke and banter, but she says she always knew Pacey and Joey would get together, since they’re both classic scrappy underdogs. (Cute/true.) But Gretchen still won’t answer why she came back to Capeside.

Joey begs Jack to make small talk with her, so that Dawson will come over to her.

He’s picturing this:

Jen and Dawson sit like fifteen feet away, arguing about whether he should go over to Joey, and Dawson does the whole meta “it’s such a predictable moment” thing and I just want to take a nap. He gives a snoozefest of a wordy speech, and Jen is like, can you just go over there and talk to Joey like a fucking adult? Because Jen is still awesome.

K: Maintaining her MVP status in season 4.

Diva: Dawson finally approaches Joey and they smile awkwardly. Pacey watches from afar and rolls his eyes along with the rest of the audience. After Dawson and Joey are done grinning at each other like idiots, Dawson goes and hyperventilates behind a wall for some reason.

Andie and her French boys get out of the water as she mentions that she’s not ready to see her ex-boyfriend Pacey yet. Andie complains about Frenchie 1 to Frenchie 2, before they reveal that the non-English-speaker is actually American, and his name is John-John, because that’s somehow more reasonable than Jean-Jean.

So the guys were playing a trick on her, and Jean Valjean really understood everything she said all day. I don’t understand why this is happening. And Andie’s just embarrassed.

K: But seriously, THIS IS SUCH A DICK MOVE. Don’t do this. 

Diva: I thought that went without saying, but yes, please, universe. Don’t do this.

Pacey approaches Joey and is demanding that they go home. She’s offended he didn’t ask if she wants to leave, but he insists she can’t be having much fun based on how she looks right now. Joey thinks he’s being an arrogant child, and Pacey thinks she’s too obsessed with making things right with Dawson. He doesn’t even want to try to get Dawson to stop hating him, because Intern Pacey is wise and understands that no good can come from befriending Dawson Leery. Pacey wants Joey’s preoccupation with Dawson to stop, and he accuses her of getting off the boat long before he did.

K: STOP MAKING MY PACEPHINE FIGHT. STOOOOOOOOOOP.

Diva: Dawson broods. He finds Joey brooding. He offers her a ride home so they can dazzle each other with brooding. I am already over this scene, and it hasn’t even happened yet.

Jean Valjean and Andie keep flirting. He asks if he can kiss her, and she smiles and says oui. Go and get it, Andie! Even though it’s totally weird that this guy pretended not to speak English all day.

Dawson walks Joey to her door. She asks about his new photography hobby, and he gives some big vague statement about not being able to choose what you love or some garbage like that. Joey apologizes for everything that happened “last year” – uh, you mean, three months ago? And she notices that Dawson is the only one who didn’t ask the BOAT!SEX question. He dramatically says that’s because he’s the only one the answer could kill. He’s picturing this:

Anyway, she gives Dawson a present that she was hiding from Pacey – a brick. From Hemingway’s house. It’s a peace offering.

K: Okay, but like I NEED MORE INFORMATION. Did she steal the brick? Buy it? Grab it from a building site down the road and pretend it came from Hemingway’s house?! 

Diva: Let’s go with the third option. Anyway, Dawson isn’t sure he wants to get back what they had, but he does want to take it one day at a time. Before he drives off, she reassures him that the answer to the BOAT!SEX question won’t kill him. So, I guess they didn’t have BOAT!SEX?

Joey heads to the pier and tracks down Pacey on the boat. She says she’s decided something, and Pacey is cold to her. She confesses that when she gets really upset, she thinks of Pacey, because no matter what, the thought of him makes her feel better inside. (K: Same, girl. Same.) She apologizes for not explaining about Dawson. She really doesn’t feel romantic feels about him, but she feels guilty for hurting him as a friend.

Pacey smiles and they cuddle and kiss. Then she asks if they could “do that thing we do sometimes?” And he’s like, DUH.

Cut to BOAT!SEX! Just kidding. Cut to Pacephine in two separate hammocks, one above the other, as they pass a book back and forth, taking turns reading it out loud.

Well, this doesn’t mean they’re not having sex. After all, sex could be “that thing we do ALL the time.”

K: True. Basically, there’s nothing wrong with this episode that BOAT!SEX and drowning Dawson wouldn’t fix.

 

Next time on Dawson’s Creek: Pacey’s failing (boo), and Jen and Henry are on the rocks (YAY!) in S04 E02 – Falling Down.