Grey Chapter 17 – We make our own fun.

Previously: Mrs. Rape “convinced” Grey that following Ana to Georgia was a good idea.
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Marines: I cannot remember a single thing that happened in the last chapter. I’m not saying this as an apology or anything. I actually get pretty proud of myself whenever I manage to purge any part of this experience from my brain.

Jessica: I also have forgotten pretty much everything except some shadowy glimpses of plot. I’ve enjoyed this ignorance, and I feel that I shall soon miss it….

Mari: Yep. Also, I know I’m not posting this on it’s regular day, but since we’ve been gone for so long, and we finally finished this thing, I figured why not. We can all soon miss our ignorance together.

We start the chapter with Grey telling us exactly when they took off for their stalker tour and who exactly is flying the plane.

Alex: And he has the cheek to kick all of this off by telling us ‘it’s been an interesting morning’. Grey and I clearly have very different definitions of the word ‘interesting’.

Mari: Grey lies to himself about some fake business he has in Georgia, in case Ana reacts like a normal human being and doesn’t want to see him. He takes a little plane nap because he hasn’t been sleeping well lately due to nightmares. During this specific nap, he dreams of being with Mrs. Rape, which seems pretty nightmarish to me.

Taylor wakes him up when they are about to land, and Grey is all startled and sweaty and gross. As soon as he wakes up, he gets the bright idea to take Ana soaring the next morning, convinced that that will be the “more” Ana is looking for out of their relationship. He tells Taylor to make the plans and thinks, “Now I just have to tell Ana.” Bro, maybe the “more” Ana is looking for is being asked out on dates, not told on them. (You can tell I’ve been away from this universe for a while, because honestly, that’s the least of Ana’s worries.)

Next, E.L. takes four paragraphs to tell us that Grey rents a red Ford Mustang and drives away from the airport.

Alex: He apparently listens to ‘Bruce’ on this drive. I choose to imagine that he means Bruce Forsyth. Ahahaha. I make my own fun.

Mari: A+

Next, we head to Grey’s fancy hotel room with the pretty view that’s almost as good as TWILIGHT! over the Sound. Grey calls Ros (the lesbian, remember?) and she’s huffy with him because WTF is he doing in Georgia, right? Grey says it’s personal.

“She huffs down the phone. “Since when have you let your personal life interfere with business?” 

Grey thinks, “since I met Anastasia” but GEH owns A SALON because Mrs. Rape needed a job and Grey’s submissives needed waxes. I’m sticking with my answer of SINCE FOREVER.

Jessica: Also, how do you “huff down” a phone? Is that like the Big Bad Wolf?

Mari: It’s the only answer.

Ros and Grey handle some more fake business before Grey decides to eat dinner to delay the inevitable, “I’m here even though you told me not to be!” email.

We get another metric ton of useless details about soaring the next morning, and luggage arriving, and room service arriving. As he eats, Grey figures the best plan is to SHOW UP AT HER MOM’S HOUSE UNANNOUNCED WITH BAGELS. That is his BEST plan. Grey figures Ana is mad at him since he hasn’t heard from her all day. He doesn’t get what Ana could possibly have against Mrs. Rape. Taylor arrives with the soaring agreement and offers to unpack from Grey. WTF. Since when is unpacking his crap in Taylor’s job description? I’m absolutely sure he doesn’t get paid enough for what he does.

Alex: SERIOUSLY. Someone like Grey should surely have a whole team of assistants and bodyguards at his disposal, but instead poor Taylor does eeeeverything.

Jessica: I would like a professional unpacker, please.

Mari: Still nervous about what he’s going to say to Ana, Grey decides to head up to the rooftop bar for a drink first. The good news is that it’s already 9pm and these chapters only last until midnight! Anyway, Grey sits at the bar and has a beer when suddenly, “a movement captures my attention: a frustrated flip of glossy mahogany hair that catches and reflects the light.”

 

Grey curses to himself, wondering what the odds are that she’s here. I just absolutely love how E.L. is trying to downplay the fact that Grey stalked Ana across the country by then having them meet by lol chance at a bar. What are the odds, Grey? I’m not sure, but they increase exponentially WHEN YOU HOP ON A PLANE AND CLOSE THE GAP OF MANY MILES.

Jessica: Yeeeeeahh, we’re not buying that one. Sorry ELJ. There’s no way that was coincidence, even if he lies to himself about it.

Mari: Grey admires Ana’s hot mom for a minute before fishing out his phone. He wants to send Ana an email and then watch her receive and read it. Exciting stuff. (J: Emails!!!1!!1!!) In the email, Grey confirms that he had dinner with Mrs. Rape and she’s just an old friend.

Alex: Ugh… just… what?? He chooses this moment to continue their email argument, just so that he can get her all worked up right before he surprises her with his uninvited presence? ‘Dick move’ doesn’t even cover it.

Mari: To whip out an old term of (what’s the opposite of) endearment: infected scrotum move.

Ana’s mom goes to the bathroom and Grey watches Ana take out her phone and furiously type a response. Grey gets the email:

“She’s not just an old friend. Has she found another adolescent boy to sink her teeth into? Did you get too old for her? Is that the reason your relationship finished?”

Grey is pissed. Like HOW DARE SHE! pissed. He writes back that he doesn’t want to talk about this via email (A: you started it, asshole!) and then asks how many Cosmos she’s going to drink. He watches as Ana read the email and sits up, looking around the room. “Showtime, Grey,” he thinks. I hate him so much.

They finally spot each other and Ana blanches. Grey doesn’t know how he’ll be received or what he’ll do if she mentions Mrs. Rape anymore. Because, really, the one who should be real sensitive and prickly about this super chance meeting is Grey.

He kisses Ana’s cheek and then Ana introduces him to her mom. Carla looks Grey up and down and Grey’s like, “UGH. She’s checking me out….” LIKE HE DIDN’T SPEND A MF PARAGRAPH CALLING HER  HOT AND BOHEMIAN.

Ana “squeaks” the obvious “what are you doing here” question and Grey’s all, “well. You said she wished I was here.” So, obviously, it’s time to order more drinks. Except that Grey gives Ana judgey eyes because she’s had too many already, according to him. Grey says once again how crazy it is that they ended up at the same bar. He compliments Ana’s tan and new shirt and then starts caressing her knuckles.

Carla invites Grey to dinner and then excuses herself to the restroom even though she’s just been there, because she’s a super negligent mom. You don’t leave your child with the murderer, Carla.

When they are alone, Ana explains the part about Mrs. Rape being a statutory rapist and Grey is all, “but no it isn’t like that.” Ana keeps prodding him with questions but he doesn’t want to talk about this here. Ana asks how he’d feel if she had dinner with Jose the minute he left town, but Grey basically is just like, “I do what I want and I answer to no one,” which is awesome and real mature. Grey mentions again that he and Mrs. Rape are just friends and business partners and Ana is shocked, because he hadn’t told her the “business partners” part of it yet.

Jessica: And she doesn’t even know the half of it, with what kind of business it is, what it’s for and what it’s goddamn name is!! Smh.

Mari: Carla returns right after Ana asks Grey if he loved Elena. Grey think about it and basically thinks, “ugh, love. Worst.” He’s done with this whole thing and excuses himself.

“That girl provokes me like no one has before. And she’s pissed at me; maybe she has PMS. She said her period was due this week.”

IS E.L. ACTIVELY TRYING TO MAKE HIM A VILLAIN? This is one of the most universally hated lines directed toward women. Ana is upset about you continuing to see your statutory rapist and your reaction is, “PERIOD, DUH.”

Alex: I see your Angry Xena and raise you an Angry Willow:

Mari: It was needed.

Grey storms into his room to look out over the river and be angry and emo.

“Why am I defending a relationship that began when Ana was still in fourth grade?”

Welp. There was a way to make this all more awkward, and there it was.

Alex:  🙁

Mari: Grey gets a call from Ros and they talk more fake business when there’s a knock on the door: Ana, looking all hot and bothered. While still on the phone, Grey runs a bath for him and Ana. He lights some candles and congratulates himself on being the romance champion of the world, or something.

This phone conversation with Ros lasts another page and a half, as Grey pretends to be interested in some land in Georgia, because this was a 90% stalker and 10% business trip, see?

Ana says she’s shown up because Grey didn’t answer her question. He says he didn’t love Mrs. Rape. Things get sexy as Ana bits her lip and Grey muses about how much he likes it when Ana gets mad at him. Anger boner! (J: Surely that’s the name of some Norwegian death metal band….)

And this is where I realize/remember what chapter this actually is: Grey asks Ana if she’s bleeding and/or has cramps. I should’ve known when he mentioned PMS but my sweet, poor brain has worked so hard to uproot any and all memories of this scene.

Alex: This was supposed to be my chapter. I’m 50% really sorry for you and 50% really happy for myself that I didn’t end up recapping the upcoming scene.

Mari: I only think that’s unfair because *I* have to recap this upcoming scene.

Grey undresses Ana and looks at her butt a lot, thinking about all the things he could do to it, but never does to it because that’s the way E.L. rolls. Actually, Grey thinks about all the things he could to do Ana’s butt, but then notices her tampon string and is like, “oh. Better not.” #GreyLogic

Alex: Maybe it’s more like 30% sorry, 70% happy.

Mari: Stop it.

They carry on with rubbing and kissing and Grey tells us that Ana tastes like orange juice and sweet, sweet Ana.

Grey interrupts this ad sponsored by the orange farmers of America to ask Ana when she started her period. He spins her around (?) and commands her to hold on to the sink. And he tugs out the tampon and tosses it into the toilet. If you thought maybe we might get some light shed on WHY, WHY, DEAR GOD, WHY? with this book, than you are super cute. Never change.

Alex: I’m not sorry at all tbh.

Mari: You are not my friend, my friend.

Though, that was over really quickly since Grey barely acknowledges what he does.

As they start having sex, Grey thinks, “Don’t be jealous, Ana. I want only you.” But he only THINKS it, so like… is he trying to transmit telepathically via penis? I don’t know what’s happening right now.

These telepenis communications continue as he thinks, “don’t argue with me. Don’t fight with me,” just before her orgasm turns this into a hostage situation and “seizes Ana, taking [Grey] with her.”

 

Once the hostile takeover is over, Ana comments on how she’s bleeding, presumably on herself or on the bathroom floor. Grey says it doesn’t bother him and asks if it bothers her. He’s only known one woman who was squeamish about period sex, but Grey “wouldn’t take any of that crap from her.” EFF YOUR WISHES RANDOM UNNAMED WOMAN. HE WILL NOT ABIDE YOUR PREFERENCES.

It’s bath time next, but first Ana comments on Grey’s scars and wonders if Mrs. Rape caused them. Grey snarls at her because GOSH, this woman isn’t an animal. They climb into the bathtub and Ana asks what Grey would’ve turned out like if Mrs. Rape hadn’t introduced him to her lifestyle. Grey thinks about it in terms that really, really justify the “writing” of a whole other book (“Those heady years. The secrecy. The furtive couples. The pain. The pleasure. The release…”) and finally answers that Mrs. Rape loved him in a way that he found acceptable. Not in a way that the law found acceptable, but you know. Details.

I’m pretty over bathtub chats about Mrs. Rape so I’m skipping over large portions of this where Grey adds nothing new to the conversation about what a force for good she was in his life. Ana keeps pressing and finally Grey snaps that if Ana keeps asking questions and, I don’t know, having opinions, he’s going to put her across his knee.

This turns talk to Grey’s proposed arrangement because remember this book is supposed to be about a Dom looking for a submissive, or something. Ana says that she doesn’t think she could do it for such a prolonged period of time and Grey laughs and laughs because Ana is an awful submissive. Ha ha ha ha, so funny, because he keeps trying to force the lifestyle on her anyway.

Grey tells Ana that he needs to be able to control her because it fulfills a need that wasn’t met in his formative years. Ana kind of perks up at the idea of being his therapy because of course. (J: Ugh.) She does admit that it’s a tough line to straddle because he’s all, “don’t defy me!” and then, “I love when you make me angry!” and stuff. Grey’s like, “shh. Don’t worry about it.”

And starts kissing her. And they start having sex again, all for half a page before her orgasm plants a bomb and causes an explosion. Grey thanks Ana for not touching him. Ana says she understands that it’s a hard limit for him. They get out of the tub and Ana heads over to the sink to brush her teeth with Grey’s toothbrush, like the awful human being that she is. Grey sends Taylor a text message confirming that they’ll be soaring the next day.

Alex: I guess we’re just forgetting about the part where Ana’s supposed to be staying with her mum right now. Poor Carla probably made up the guest room for her and got stuff in for breakfast and everything. Not cool, Ana.

Mari: Ana and Grey climb in bed naked and have more conversations I don’t care about. What Grey’s favorite film is (The Piano), how many women he’s slept with (IDK, but it’s in the 10’s), and I started that as a list because I thought they would talk about more than two things. Grey shocks Ana by admitting that he’s paid for sex. Ana is sad she can’t shock him back but he’s all, “remember all your panty pranks?” That’s what I think I called them the first time around. I think I called Ana the Panty Prankster or something like that. And this is the exact same conversation so suck it, I’m recycling a joke.

Grey says he has a surprise for Ana the next day and she yawns. Discerning that she’s tired (good job, bro) Grey orders Ana to sleep. She’s asleep a few seconds later. Grey thinks about how this whole trip didn’t work out too bad and how talking wasn’t even all that bad. He silently thanks Mrs. Rape and falls asleep as well.

Wonderful. A triumphant return to these recaps.

Baby Count: 6

Trauma Flashback:

• Everything that happens in this chapter occurs across chapter 22 and 23 in FSoG. It was also the birth of Stalker Boyfriend Meme.
• When Ana gets Grey’s email asking how many Cosmos she’s going to drink, she thinks, “Holy fuck, he’s here.” Indeed.
• Ana never told Grey her mom’s name, so it’s a surprise when he calls her Carla.
• Ana’s reaction at the tampon thing: Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he’s inside me… ah!”

Next time on Grey: Ana and Grey go soaring on Thursday June 2, 2011.

 

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