Previously: The boys faced off with Paris Hilton. Seriously.
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I Believe The Children Are Our Future
Kirsti: Is anyone else going to spend the next eternity with that stupid song lodged in their brain on an endless loop, or is that just me?
Anyway. Alliance, Nebraska. A college aged girl sits way too close to the TV, brushing her hair. There’s a noise from the back of the room. She looks around, a little freaked, and the music gets all “OMG WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN THIS IS SO TENSE!!” as she walks slowly towards a big cupboard. She pulls open the door, and the kid she’s babysitting is in there, pretending to be dead. He’s got one of those fake arrow headbands on, and has covered himself in tomato sauce. (That’s ketchup to you, America.) (S: But then what do you call tomato sauce?) (K: The stuff that goes on pizza is pizza sauce, the stuff you add to spaghetti bolognese is passata, and if you just want pasta with tomato-y stuff on it, it’s napoli sauce.)
She sends him off to bed – he bargains for a boob touch, which I’m going to call misogyny shots – and resumes sitting way too close to the TV. It’s some movie involving a dog attacking someone. She pauses it when she hears a dog barking non-stop outside, and heads over to the window. She looks outside, but there’s nothing there.
Later, Boob Touch Kid’s parents come home to find static on the TV. The babysitter is curled up on the sofa. Papa Boob Touch tells his wife he’ll take the babysitter home. She heads upstairs while he shuts off the TV and calls out to the babysitter. She doesn’t respond. He reaches down and touches her shoulder, and finds something squelchy on his hand. He switches the light on and realises it’s blood. He rolls the babysitter over, and half her head is missing. Seriously, we’re talking that “I’ll show you where my dad keeps his gun” kid from The Sixth Sense. Papa Boob Touch screams for his wife. (S: This is why I stopped watching these.)
BLOOOOOOOOD!
After the Not Credits, the boys hold up FBI IDs and introduce themselves to a medical examiner as “Agents Plant and Page“. Guys. At least TRY and be subtle. They ask to see Babysitter’s body, because the police report said something clawed through her skull. The medical examiner looks awkward because he just sent out an autopsy report saying something totally different. Which they obviously haven’t read.
He pulls out the tray with her body on it, and says they thought she’d been attacked by a wolf. But they were wrong. They found a press-on nail IN HER BRAIN. “Wait, are you—you saying that she did this to herself?” Dean asks, looking grossed out. The ME says it’s totally possible, and suspects some kind of phantom itch.
Cut to Boob Touch’s house. Sam asks the parents if they’ve felt any weird cold spots or other ghosty signs. Dean wanders off to ask Boob Touch if he saw anything weird. Boob Touch swears he didn’t. Dean claims he knows Boob Touch is lying and threatens to arrest him. Cut to the boys leaving. Dean informs Sam that Boob Touch put itching powder on Babysitter’s hairbrush. This is why you don’t brush your hair in the living room while sitting a foot from the television. Or something.
Sam insists that it can’t have been itching powder that did it. Dean is open to other suggestions. They’re interrupted by Sam’s phone ringing. He answers, looks concerned, and says they’ll be right there. Cut to the hospital. A couple of orderlies zip a very crispy body into a body bag and wheel it away as the boys arrive. The ME – who may actually be a doctor OH WELL – tells them that the guy got electrocuted but they can’t work out why.
Sam asks about witnesses, and the ME gestures to an old dude sitting in the adjacent hospital room, and says he’s making literally no sense, but witnessed what happened. The boys head into ask questions. The old guy sadly says that it was a joke and he had no idea it would really work. He holds out his hand to show them one of those little shock buzzer things.
Later, the boys suit up in goggles and heavy rubber gloves (PPE is important, yo). Dean uses the buzzer on a huge leg of ham. It cooks and burns in seconds. Dean removes the buzzer. The ham sizzles. The boys look shocked, because the buzzer doesn’t even have batteries. Dean pulls out a knife and uses it to slice off chunks of ham, which he munches on while asking Sam if there’s a connection between the itching powder and the buzzer. Yes: they came from the same shop. (S: Would electricity full on cook a ham? I am not a science person but I am wary of this ham.) (K: I…do not have the science skills to know the answer to this. Google says yes, but the meat wouldn’t be cooked evenly.)
They head to the shop. Dean holds up a whoopee cushion with an excited grin. Sam gives him bitchface.
They question the owner while Dean buys the whoopee cushion. The owner gripes about how kids keep breaking his stuff. Dean hypothesises that he’s angry enough to take revenge on them. He uses the buzzer on a rubber chicken, which melts. The owner freaks. “Yeah, something tells me this guy is NOT a powerful witch...” Dean mutters to Sam. They make their apologies and rush out. (S: He could totally be faking boys. You have been played the fool by witches before.) (K: RIGHT?!)
Elsewhere, a father shows his daughter her lost tooth, and says that while she’s asleep, the Tooth Fairy will come and trade it out for a quarter. Do…any of the show writers have children? Because kids here now get UP TO TWENTY DOLLARS PER TOOTH. Definitely never less than $1. Usually $2. (S: I always got a dollar.) Anyway, the kid is totally “WHAT THE FUCK I DO NOT WANT A STRANGER IN MY ROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT”, which is legit. Her dad puts the tooth under her pillow and tucks her in.
Later that night, she creeps into her dad’s room and puts the tooth under his pillow. After she’s gone, a shadow passes the window. A hand claps over the dad’s mouth. He wakes to see a biker-looking dude in a tutu and tiara standing in front of him with a huge pair of pliers. “Shh! Hold still. You might feel just a little…pinch,” the Tooth Fairy says. We watch their shadows as he rips a tooth out. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Sam wanders out of the dad’s hospital room, post-interview, to find Dean flirting with a nurse. More bitchface. He fills Dean in on the dad’s description of his attacker, and Dean’s all “It cannot POSSIBLY be the Tooth Fairy”. Sam points out that the attacker left 32 quarters under the dad’s pillow, one for each tooth.
Dean says that the weirdness in town gets worse. There are some kids in the ward upstairs who got stomach ulcers from mixing pop rocks and Coke. And there’s a guy who’s face “…froze that way“. Sam looks confused, and Dean does the face. It’s one of my favourite Supernatural gifs of EVER.
Sam says it all adds up to nothing. Dean points out that they’re all things kids would believe. Sam says whatever it is clearly has the powers of a god. Or a trickster. With Dean Winchester’s sense of humour. You guys, when this first aired I was SO EXCITED about the idea of another Trickster episode. So. Excited. (S: I know. It’s just cruel.)
Motel of the Week. Dean’s eating sandwiches made of the buzzer-cooked ham. Sam’s grossed out. He’s plotted out all the cases on a map, and informs us that at the centre of the circle containing all the incidents is 4 acres of farm land, and a house. Dean awkwardly asks if their motel is in the circle. It is. He shows Sam his hair-covered palm, and Sam’s all “Ugh, why do I spend all my time with you, you’re so gross.” I, meanwhile, am reminded of our dewy youth, when this website was still Childhood Trauma and R.L. Stine told Mari and Sweeney that they were disgusting. (S: A glorious, glorious time.)
Anyway, Sam points out that urban legends say you can go blind from masturbating too. Dean looks terrified and says they should go check out the house. After he gets cleaned up. He heads for the bathroom and Sam yells “DO NOT USE MY RAZOR!” after him. Dean smirks.
Sam asks where the kid’s parents are, and he says that they work. They ask if they can ask him some questions and look around the house. He looks incredibly dubious, but relents when they smile because they’re just so dang pretty and it would interfere with the progression of the story otherwise. (S: I’m so glad you addressed this.) He leads them into the kitchen where he’s making soup. Sam has feels because Mini!Sam used to have to make his own dinner without parental supervision too.
Dean pulls a drawing of a beardy man in a tutu off the fridge. The kid, Jesse, tells him that it’s the tooth fairy. Dean chuckles a little. Jesse insists that that’s what the tooth fairy looks like, and says his dad told him.
Samantha: Okay, but I am confused. Did his dad also tell him that the tooth fairy rips the rest of your teeth out? Or did the Tooth Fairy go rogue and create its own thing?
K: Shhhhhh, don’t poke the plot holes.
The boys exchange looks, and Jesse says “What, didn’t your dad tell you about the tooth fairy?” Dean chuckles again and says “My dad told me different stories...”
Jesse insists that the tooth fairy isn’t a story. Dean asks him about itching powder, and pop rocks and Coke. Then he pulls out the buzzer. Jesse freaks. Dean tells him it’s totally harmless and kind of lame. Jesse looks surprised. Dean presses the buzzer into Sam’s chest, and it buzzes harmlessly. Sam gives Dean “I WILL MURDER YOUR FACE OFF WHILE YOU SLEEP” face, which is pretty legit. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys head out. Sam’s pissed. Dean says he was playing a hunch – whatever Jesse believes comes true. All he had to do was convince Jesse that buzzers don’t electrocute people, and they’d go back to being harmless. He says that Jesse probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it. They look up at the house to see Jesse peering out a window at them. Dean waves, and mutters “How IS he doing it?“Jesse watches them go.
Motel of the Week. Sam returns from researching Jesse. He tells Dean that Jesse’s adopted and his birth records were sealed. He unsealed them, and there’s no father listed, but his birth mother – Julia – lives on the other side of the state. Cut to the other side of the state. The boys arrive at Julia’s house, which is run down and covered in NO TRESPASSING signs. They ignore the signs and head up to the door.
A terrified voice tells them she’s not interested in what they’re selling. They wave their FBI badges at the peep hole. She asks them to put their badges through the mail slot. This would never work in Australia because no one has mail slots. They let in heat and snakes. (In case you care, we have mailboxes in/on the front fence) Anyway. The door opens, and Julia hands their badges back while asking what they want.
Sam says they need to talk about her son. Julia insists she doesn’t have a son. Sam rattles off Jesse’s date of birth and the fact that she put him up for adoption. She relents. The boys ask if it was a normal pregnancy, if anything weird happened, and Julia slams the door and runs through the house. The boys follow, yelling that they just want to talk. She hurls salt at them, and is surprised to learn that they’re not demons. “How do you know about demons?” Dean asks.
Samantha: Okay, but, the salt just hits the boys’ suits. If they were demons wouldn’t it have to hit their skin to have any sizzle effect?
K: ……….valid point.
Cut to Julia telling the boys about her past: she was possessed by a demon for the full nine months of her pregnancy. We flashback to her giving birth, alone on the floor. She narrates over the flashback, telling us that she screamed through labour and it came out as a laugh because the demon was happy. When it was over, she somehow managed to get control again, and shoved handfuls of salt down her throat. The demon noped its way out of her, and she was left holding a baby that she wanted to kill. So, she put Jesse up for adoption and ran. (S: Gah. This is rough.)
Dean asks who the father is, and Julia says she was a virgin. The boys exchange a look. Julia asks about her son, and the boys tell her he lives in Alliance, and he’s a good kid. She nods. The boys leave, and agree that they need help. Cut to the Motel of the Week. Cas is waiting for them. Dean asks what they do with Jesse, and Cas replies “Kill him.”
The boys stare at Cas in shock. He informs them that Jesse is half demon, half human – the Antichrist. The tension of the scene is broken by Cas sitting down and farting extensively. The boys give “Dude, WTF?” face. “That wasn’t me,” Cas deadpans as he pulls out a whoopee cushion. Dean smirks.
Samantha: I have so many questions. One, how exactly is this Antichrist created? Two, why don’t they make a lot more of them? Three, why would a half human half demon be SO DAMN POWERFUL?! Idk, these questions have always haunted me about this plot.
K: Again, enormously valid points. None of which are addressed by the show. I mean, traditionally in movies like Rosemary’s Baby, the Antichrist comes courtesy of a woman getting raped by the Devil. But here, the demon possessed her and she somehow got pregnant??? Like, it makes zero sense. This episode is like 90% plot holes.
Obviously, Dean’s not down with this because he loves his bae. Sam, meanwhile, is all “WE’RE GOOD GUYS AND GOOD GUYS DON’T MURDER CHILDREN”. Which is a pretty fair point at which to draw the line in the sand, but SAM. DUDE. You’ve murdered the faces off so many innocent people who were possessed by demons since you got your hands on the Colt and then Ruby’s knife. Slow your roll on calling yourself a good guy, yeah?
Dean says they’ll take Jesse to Bobby’s house. Cas is all “Right, because kidnapping is SO much better than murder”. Also, apparently all the weird shit going on in town is what happens when Jesse’s happy. And it’ll get much, MUCH worse if he’s pissed off. Sam suggests that they just tell Jesse the truth, because he might make the right choice. Cas gets “Bitch, please” face and snaps “You didn’t! And I can’t take that chance.” (S: SNAP!) Sam does the moody glare and jaw clench. Cas vanishes. Sam sighs. Meanwhile, I’m distracted by the horrifyingly patriotic painting on the wall of the Motel of the Week:
Wowsers.
Julia’s house. It’s dark as she heads out her front door and locks up. She turns and comes face to face with the mailman, and freaks. He asks kindly if she’s okay. She says she’s fine, just a little shaken. “Well, talking to the Winchesters will do that to you,” he says. She looks confused, and he slams her up against the door, his eyes turning black. It’s the demon that possessed her when she was pregnant. (S: #JuliaFeels)
Demon!Mailman demands to know where their kid is because there’s a 100% guarantee the Winchesters told her where he is, and when Julia won’t answer, the demon jumps from the mailman to Julia. The mailman drops to the porch, and Demon!Julia stalks off into the night.
Meanwhile, Jesse’s in the kitchen getting a glass of water. Cas appears, and Jesse freaks. Cas – Ruby’s knife hidden behind his back – insists that he’s not going to hurt Jesse. Jesse backs away, calling out to his parents.
Cas says they won’t wake up until morning. He apologises and raises the knife. There’s a feathery sound, and the boys burst through the front door. Jesse stares at them in shock. Dean asks if a dude in a trench coat has been there. Jesse points at the floor, where Cas is now an action figure. Sam and Dean exchange looks. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean carefully places Action Figure Cas on the mantelpiece. He turns to Jesse and says that he and Sam work for a government agency that locates superheroes. Like Jesse. They’re going to take him to see a guy in a wheelchair, just like in X-Men, and he’ll be trained to fight evil. Jesse looks thrilled. Meanwhile, Sam has “I can’t believe this is working” face in the background. (S: Hey, if I were a kid it would work on me too. Honestly, I’m so half in fiction that it might work now.) (K: I mean, given the choice between reality and having superpowers, I’d go with superpowers too.)
Just then, Dean gets flung across the room. Demon!Julia walks in and informs Jesse that the boys are lying to him. Sam jumps up and gets thrown across the room for his trouble. D!J tells Sam to calm down because there are orders from on high saying he’s not to be harmed. Where Dean is concerned, however, harm is encouraged. She flings him around the room, and Jesse yells “Leave him alone!“.
She crouches down in front of him, and tells him that she’s his mother and that he’s half demon. Everyone, she says, has lied to him for his entire life. She asks if he’s angry about all the lies he’s been told. Jesse clenches his fist, and the room shakes. The music gets hella dramatic as the lights flicker and the fireplace lights itself. She tells him that if he goes with her, they can start the world over, free from lies.
“She’s right. We lied to you,” Sam says. He tries to say more, but D!J clenches her fist and his air is cut off. Jesse yells at D!J to stop because he wants to hear what Sam has to say. His power makes her release Sam, and he falls to the ground. He tells Jesse who he and Dean really are, and who Julia really is when she’s not possessed by a demon. D!J sasses in the background, and Jesse snaps “Sit down and shut up!“. A chair flies across the room and knocks her knees out from under her. She tries to speak, but can’t.
Sam looks a little freaked, then tells Jesse that he’s part of a war between angels and demons. Jesse’s incredulous because he’s just a kid. Sam tells Jesse that the decision is his, but if he goes with with D!J, millions of people die. Jesse asks if he’s really half demon, and Sam reluctantly confirms it before saying that Jesse’s half human, too. And his human half can do the right thing. Jesse looks teary.
After the Not Commercial Break, Jesse asks if an unconscious Julia will be alright. Dean nods that she will. Yeah, after like a thousand years of therapy and an anti-possession tattoo… Dean picks up Action Figure Cas and carefully asks if Jesse could turn him back. Jesse gets angry teary and snaps that Cas tried to kill him. Dean nods a little sadly, and says they can talk about it the next day. He gingerly puts Cas back on the mantelpiece.
Jesse asks what happens now, and Dean says they’ll take him somewhere safe to be trained how to fight because he’ll be super useful. Jesse’s all “But I don’t want to fight??”. Sam puts on his sad puppy face and says that Jesse’s more powerful than anything they’ve faced. Jesse says he won’t go anywhere without his parents, and the boys are all “Right, totally legit choice, but our dad did that and now he’s dead”, which is a serious dick move. Because, like, Jesse’s parents wouldn’t be on a demon hunting vendetta and making their kid change schools every few weeks. (S: Preach. Anywhere we can hate on John Winchester let’s DO IT.)
Dean leans down and tells Jesse that if he chooses to be in the fight, it’s for the long haul. Jesse gets a little teary and asks if he can go see his parents to say goodbye. Dean nods. Jesse heads upstairs and watches his parents sleeping. Then he backs out of the room and heads to his own bedroom. He flops down on the bed, then stares at a poster of a guy surfing in Australia.
Downstairs, Sam fiddles with Action Figure Cas, then dumps him back on the mantelpiece. Dean’s concerned about how long Jesse’s been upstairs. They head up there and find his room empty. “He’s gone,” Cas says from behind them. He goes on to say that Jesse put the town back to normal, then disappeared. Cas has no idea where he is. Sam finds a note on the bed in which Jesse apologises for leaving, but says he had to keep his parents safe because he loves them. Dean asks how they find him, and Cas says Jesse’s powers are so strong that they can’t. Not unless he wants to be found.
Bromobile. The boys agree that they hope Jesse’s going to be okay. Then Dean says that they’ve destroyed Jesse’s life by telling him the truth. He says that he now understands why parents lie – it’s to protect their kids from the truth, to let them go to bed feeling safe. “The more I think about it, the more I wish Dad had lied to us,” he says. “Yeah, me too…” Sam says sadly. Fade to black.
This episode is…forgettable. And I’m fairly certain it was written by someone who’s never spent any time around kids. Because a) there’s no way that a kid who still believes in the Tooth Fairy would also know urban legends about masturbation, and b) no kid of whatever the hell age Jesse is supposed to be (seriously, it could be anywhere between 8 and 12) would be THAT trusting of strangers. Even if they flashed police/FBI badges.
There were SO many ways that this episode could have been great – starting with the boys adopting him and basically doing the exact opposite of what John Winchester did and raising the ultimate force for good, and ending with Jesse turning Cas back while Dean’s holding the action figure, resulting in Dean ending up with Cas cradled in his arms – and yet instead it was just mediocre.
Samantha: So mediocre. I always forget this episode is even a thing. I know most SPN episodes by title but I saw that this one was next and could not place it. So. Meh.
Next time on Supernatural: Dean makes a crappy decision and suddenly learns what old age is like in S05 E07 – The Curious Case of Dean Winchester.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
