Previously: We met a powerful spawn of Satan who wasn’t that bad.
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The Curious Case of Dean Winchester
Samantha: We open with a woman on the couch reading one of those trashy magazines that declares the Apocolypse here. A man comes in the front door and she greets him but he just runs straight upstairs. He heads into the bathroom all sweaty and panicked. He looks into the mirror as his skin begins to wrinkle and his hair falls out. He turns into an old old man and collapses into a cabinet. (K: It’s very…Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade) The glass shattering alerts his wife that something is wrong and she runs upstairs. She opens the bathroom door and screams.
BLOOOOOOOOD.
The boys are flashing their CDC badges at a morgue doctor, who can’t believe how on time they are. Hang on, this implies that she is actually waiting for the real CDC. They should show up at some point, then, but I bet dollars to donuts that they don’t. She pulls out the body of old man from his drawer and tells them that he was born in 1984. The boys look stunned. Random aside: It might just be my computer but the colors of this episode look more washed out and muted than usual. (K: Agreed.) Anyway, the doctor says that she ran his DNA twice and the man is 25 years old but also died of old age.
Walking out of the morgue, Dean is on the phone with Bobby, confirming that this is indeed a job. Bobby wants to know if there are any other bodies and Dean replies in the negative. He asks Bobby (who is home, in his wheelchair) how he’s doing. Bobby surmises that Dean is asking about how he’s doing with his whole paralysis situation and responds, “Oh, well, I’m just weeping in my Haagen-Dazs. Idjit,” before hanging up. He looks very sad and alone after he’s hung up, though. Oh, Bobby.
Kirsti: I have a lot of Bobby feels. But I also want him to USE HIS DAMNED WORDS.
Samantha: Oh god, yes. Supernatural could be subtitled: Everyone Forgets How to Use Language.
Sam and Dean, investigating the missing persons cases in the area, are talking to an older woman. She’s showed them a recent photo of her husband, who is the missing person. Sam takes note of a tattoo on the man’s arm. The wife explains that her husband usually works late on Tuesdays but then always comes straight home. Dean goes to “use the facilities” which is always Hunter code for snooping. He goes through the missing man’s things and finds a receipt for Madame Liu’s Golden Palace. “Working late my ass,” Dean says.
Cut to the boys arriving at Madame Liu’s. Sam exposits that the man gets the same room every Tuesday, so they can easily track him down. Dean hopes that he’s still up for fun n stuff when he’s old but Sam doesn’t think they’ll live that long. Dean guesses that they’ll find the man’s gooey corpse inside the room but when they get close they hear a man saying “oh my god” and so bust the door down. They find a young, buff, man in bed with two young women. I sigh tiredly. The boys apologize but as they turn to leave, Sam notices the same tattoo that the old man had, on the young man’s arm.
K: I immediately call bullshit, because it’s a Marine Corps tattoo, and last I checked, the Marine Corps had…oh, I don’t know, just a few personnel and ex-personnel. INCLUDING THEIR FATHER. But yeah, it’s TOTALLY the same guy based exclusively on the tattoo…
Samantha: This is an excellent insight that I have never had.)
Sam asks if the young man knows Cliff Whitlow (the missing man) since he’s carrying his wallet. Dean lifts up the blankets and sees the birth mark that Cliff’s wife told them about (K: Dean Winchester, 100% straight). (S: Lol, I was so hoping you’d say something.) With the cat out of the bag Cliff begs the boys to just let his wife think he’s dead. Because he’s kind of sucky. Dean demands to know how he can possibly be the same Cliff and he tells them about a high stakes poker game where you play for years. An Irish guy uses some fancy chips that he turns into years. Cliff won 25 years and Benjamin Button’d. Cliff also says that you can’t find him, he finds you. The boys head out.
Out on the street, Dean is again on the phone with Bobby, who’s telling him that there is actually lore on this. Then he hangs up on them again. He looks guilty and worried before grabbing his keys.
Dean is on the phone with Sam, they’re canvasing all the bars in the area to find the poker game. Dean gets off the phone with an “extra bacon” and sits down at the bar. He orders a drink and asks about a poker game. The bartender is snarly and says he doesn’t know about a game. Dean says that his friend Ben thinks that he does. When the bartender doesn’t get it he elaborates that Ben is “balding, smart ass, real ladies’ man” and slides a $100 dollar bill across the bar. If only it had been a ten dollar founding father, I could have worked a Hamilton reference in. Oh wait, I just did. Boom! #sorrynotsorry
K: I’m more amused by the fact that Dean referred to Ben Franklin as a ladies’ man. Mostly because it allows me to picture Dean going “But what do we have in common? We’re/Reliable with the LADIES!” #hamiltrash
Samantha: Oh god, and he so would. That would be his favorite lyric.
The bartender takes Dean around back where the game is happening. Just as Dean reaches the door, it opens and Bobby rolls out. Dean is shocked that Bobby came in on the case and beat him here but Bobby says that “brains trumps legs, apparently.” Dean wants to know if he shut it down but actually Bobby played. And lost. Dramatic zoom, cut to black.
Not commercial break picks up right where we left off, Dean is berating Bobby for playing. Bobby insists that they’re his years to lose and just as he tells Dean that he lost 25 years his eyebrows start to gray. Dean storms through the door.
A couple is sitting at a bar, talking to the Irish gentleman. He’s explaining how he can read people. For instance, the woman used to be a dancer, is independent, and looking for adventure. He’s obviously just super flirting with her cause this dude is no Sherlock. Dean comes barreling in and asks to borrow Patrick, flashing his gun to him as he asks. Patrick agreeably goes off with him.
At a table, Dean apologizes for taking Patrick away from his marks but Patrick swiped a watch so it’s all good. Patrick starts by half apologizing for whatever Dean thinks he did to his wife, girlfriend, mother, or sister because his feels were real.
Full disclosure: I know about as much about poker as I did about cars in the last episode I recapped. Patrick puts an old looking red box on the poker table and removes his special chips. He pulls out 25 years but Dean demands 50. I mean, I guess so that he can give them to Bobby and Bobby can be healed but this exactly what he was just yelling at Bobby about. Patrick obliges and Dean immediately cashes out 25 of the years for Bobby. Patrick says some mumbo jumbo and lights them on fire and Bobby is returned to normal Bobby status. They get down to playing.
K: DEAN. THIS IS A TERRIBLE PLAN. Although I suspect everyone’s favourite ten dollar founding father (without a father) would be impressed with the recklessness. I mean, Dean basically walked in and yelled “FIGHT ME, BITCH”, which everyone knows was A.Ham’s #1 choice in confrontation, so…yeah.
Samantha: I mean, we have already head cannoned that Dean is #Hamiltrash so he obviously was not going to throw away his shot….at taking down Patrick.
Motel of the Week. Sam walks in with the food and calls out for Dean, asking if he found anything. A new voice answers from the bathroom, “You might say that.” Sam whips out his gun and aims it at the old man in a bathrobe that comes out of the bathroom. Dean identifies himself as the old man and Sam is dumfounded as he asks what happened. Old!Dean says that he found the game and Sammy goes, “I thought you said you were…good at poker?” Jared’s line delivery is very funny.
Sam tells him that he looks like Emperor Palpatine and my newly acquired Star Wars knowledge understands this reference!
K: Meanwhile, I snort laughed for like 5 straight minutes because I love that after everything they’ve seen, he still went to Star Wars as a reference point. That, plus Dean’s usually the one to make pop culture references…
Samantha: Sammy is so a Star Wars nerd.
Old!Dean starts eating as Bobby busts in and calls old!Dean “John McCain.” They start bickering back and forth and Sam laughs that “It’s like Grumpy Old Men.”old! Dean starts ranting about how he can understand why Bobby would want to turn the clock back but Bobby snaps that he can’t. old!Dean says that he’s never been paralyzed but he did go to hell, there’s an arch angel on his tail, and he’s older than Bobby but “do you hear me belly aching?” Sam says actually yeah, just as old!Dean’s stomach actually does start to groan.
He sits down and dramatically declares that he’s having a heart attack. Bobby epically eye rolls before informing him that it’s acid reflux from the crappy food he’s been ingesting this entire scene. old!Dean puts down the cheeseburger and Sam looks little brother delighted. Bobby gets them back to the task at hand and hypothesizes that it has to be about the chips. Bobby claims to have remembered every word that Patrick chanted and oh god I’d be a terrible Hunter. They decide to steal themselves 50 chips.
A knock on the motel room door as old!Dean finishes getting dressed. A young maid is at the door inquiring about housekeeping. old!Dean gives her a line and The Look and she laughs at how he reminds her of her grandfather in that “ain’t he cute” way. Sam continues looking like Christmas came early. It’s hilarious.
Stakeout. The guys sit in a van, watching as Patrick leaves a bar. He walks out onto the street and literally gets hits by a car, Regina George style. He’s crumpled on the ground with a bone showing in his neck (?) but then gets up and steals the man’s nice car while he’s getting help. old!Dean laughs appreciatively. They follow him to his apartment and wait for him to leave again. Good thing Patrick isn’t a homebody like me. They get into the building and Bobby realizes that he’s out of the caper because the elevator is broken. Sorry, Bobby.
K: The music throughout this entire scene was trying SO HARD to be Ocean’s Eleven. It did not succeed.
Samantha: The boys start climbing the stairs and old!Dean is winded by the second floor, much like I would be. By the time they hit level 7 he’s severely panting. Sam picks the lock into the apartment and in they go. It’s a large apartment with candles burning, even though Patrick isn’t home, which is such a fire hazard. Save your aesthetic for when you’re actually there to appreciate it, hipster witch. They rifle through his things until they find a safe. They start gathering chips until a woman appears and asks what they’re doing. It’s the blonde woman from the bar, that Patrick was hitting on. Turns out she’s Patrick’s partner in crime.
She uses powers to cause the boys pain before Patrick stops her and tells them that the magic isn’t in the chips, the fire and what not is just for show. The magic is in the 900 year old witch, aka Patrick, aka Mr. Fire Hazard. He tells them they have to win the years at poker, it’s the only way. Dean is all for it but Patrick hilariously holds up a card and asks old!Dean which card it is. When he can’t see it, Patrick says that he’s not a murderer. He’ll only play Sam. old!Dean says no and the boys make to leave. On the way out, Patrick says that he needs to punish Sam for breaking in. He claps a few times and tells Sam he’ll find out what it is soon enough.
As they walk out, Sam starts walking strangely and fidgeting with his groin area. old!Dean says, “Dude. I believe that he witch gave you The Clap.” Well now, doesn’t Mr. Fire Hazard have a sense of humor?
K: I found this oddly amusing, partly because of the method of STD delivery, but partly because Dean’s the manwhore of the pair, but Sam’s always the one to end up with some kind of groin itch. Womp.
Samantha: The next day, the guys are in the parking lot of the motel of the week. Sam says he wants to play but Dean ain’t having it because he and Bobby are way better players and they both lost. Then this happens and I for real lol.
K: I must admit, I’ve found myself saying “When I was your age” to my students with disturbing regularity. I blame the fact that the kids finishing in 2016 were born when I was a sophomore…
Samantha: Sam keeps arguing his case but Bobby chimes in that it should be him that plays. The boys point out that if he loses, he’ll die. Bobby says so what because what is he living for? He feels useless and old. He isn’t a Hunter anymore and “if I wasn’t such a coward, I’d have stuck a gun in my mouth the day I got home from the hospital.” It’s sad, you guys. #BobbyFeels (K: SERIOUSLY) The boys look sad and horrified and Sam insists that Bobby isn’t playing, he’ll find another way out. Exit Sam.
As Bobby and old!Dean enter the motel, they find the Bar Blonde sitting on the bed. Her name is, Lia, for ease of recapping purposes. She hands them a piece of paper, saying that it will help them. It’s a powerful reversal spell that will undo all of Patrick’s work. They wonder why she would help them and she says they can or can’t, it’s up to them, but the spell is real. Bobby puts together that the spell would include Patrick and Lia and wants to know why she would want that. She gets a little emotional and says that she has her reasons, while touching a locket around her neck. So then why doesn’t she just do the spell? (K: Because this episode needs something resembling a plot?) She leaves, saying that they are leaving town tomorrow.
A super old man is in the middle of a game with Patrick. Since he refused to play Dean, idk why he’s comfortable playing this guy. Patrick has two Kings and the old man has two nines. The old man bets and Patrick folds. I don’t know anything about poker but I think this was a pity fold.
K: Everything I know about poker comes from watching Maverick, but yes. This was a pity fold.
Samantha: You know that scene in The Parent Trap where Hallie is playing poker? There’s my knowledge.
Patrick tells the man that he can take his 13 years and be done for the day, he can live to see his grandchild’s bat mitzvah. The man looks happy and leaves because Sam Winchester is here to move the plot along. Sam sits down and asks Mr. Fire Hazard to deal.
Graveyard. 80 year old Dean is digging up a grave because the spell requires the jawbone of a murderer. old!Dean and Bobby trade barbs about being old and being paralyzed. At one point Bobby asks if old!Dean’s butt cheek is tingling and concludes that he has sciatica. Getting old sucks, ya’ll.
K: Truth. I swear to God, the minute I turned 30, everything started making weird creaking sounds when I move. It’s horrifying.
Samantha: Poker game. Patrick is chewing on his toothpick and saying that he likes Sam because he’s smart and his heart’s in the right place. He asks if Sam’s big brother knows he’s here. Sam doesn’t answer, just bets. Patrick raises and keeps psychoanalyzing Sam. Sam looks stressed and Patrick tells him that he’s in over his head. Sam snarks, “Does this armchair psychology routine usually work for you?” The game continues. Lia comes in and kisses Patrick, who declares a break.
Sam busts outside and meets up with old!Dean. Sam gives him the toothpick that Patrick was chewing on because they need DNA for the spell. He also asks old!Dean to hurry up because it is not going well. old!Dean unhelpfully tells him not to lose. Sam heads back inside. old!Dean is heading back to the car when he clutches his left arm in pain. It seems to pass some and he keeps going.
We cut between the poker game and the guys getting the spell together. They finish the spell but it doesn’t work, Dean is still old.
Poker game. Patrick pulls a toothpick out of his pocket and asks if this is what Sam meant to give Dean. The one Sam took never passed Patrick’s lips and is why the spell didn’t work. He witchy chokes Sam and Lia tries to get him to stop. She says that she gave him the spell and this shocks Patrick enough to stop. He looks upset and gently holds her face, asking why she would do that. She tells him that he knows why and plays with her locket. Patrick looks rumpled and sits down at the table. He menacingly tells Sam to keep playing.
Van. Bobby and old!Dean are driving back to Mr. Fire Hazard’s apartment to get some real DNA.
K: Why the fuck was that not the initial plan? It makes way more sense.
Samantha: Poker Game. Sam looks twitchy and nervous and he makes a big bet, which Patrick calls out as a rookie mistake and folds. He predicts that Sam had a “set of ladies” but Sam actually just had a 3 and a 5. Patrick admires Sam’s bluff and says that if he had time he could turn Sam into a real poker player. Sam claims that he has time but Patrick says that old!Dean doesn’t, he’s going to be dead soon. Very, very soon. Sam panics and tries to leave but Patrick holds him down with magic because the game isn’t over. They start to play at a more frantic pace.
Back at the apartment, old!Dean is still having trouble finding some DNA. He spots a wine glass (which could easily be Lia’s) but collapses to the floor, saying Sam’s name.
Poker Game of Frenetic Pace. Sam is upset and Patrick says that when it’s about Dean he gets too emotional to play smart. Sam tells him to go to hell and goes all in. Patrick and Lia both look upset. Patrick tells him not to do this but Sam just wants to leave and ending the game is the way to do that. While all of this is going on we get shots of Dean dying on the floor of a heart attack. There are CRAZY AWKWARD close-ups of everyone’s faces multiple times before Patrick finally lays down his cards: two Aces. He tells Sam that he’s sorry and Sam notes that Lia is crying and even Patrick looks pained at this. He tells her that “for a witch you’re so nice it’s actually kind of creepy” and it’s just so Sam that I can’t help but love it. He says that it was a great hand but he has 4 Fours so he wins! Patrick is hella impressed at the play and I am proud of Sammy.
Samantha: Bobby is still yelling into the phone for Dean, asking if he’s okay. He looks toward the apartment building and one of my favorite Dean gifs of all time happens.
Samantha: After the fade to black we are back with Patrick and Lia. He’s telling her that he can’t do this but she says that he can. They’re playing poker and he doesn’t want to win. She opens her locket and inside are pictures of a baby and an old woman. Lia buried her daughter and her daughter was old. “It’s not natural,” she says. He tells her that she used to want to be young, beautiful, and with him. She tells him that she misses her family. I’m thinking that Lia’s whole backstory would be a very interesting episode of television.
K: As is always the case, the female characters in this show deserve far more than they get.
Samantha: His voice breaks as he says that he thought she loved him. She does but she’s not cut out for this. He doesn’t know if he can do this without her. It’s actually kind of a tender scene, or maybe I’m just easy to hit with some feels. He chokes back tears as they finish the game and Lia loses. She turns into an old woman and presumably dies.
Motel of the Week. Bobby is dumbfounded that Sam beat Patrick. Dean comes in eating a burger and Sam leaves to get a booster shot for his clapping problem. Dean apologizes to Bobby for calling him an idiot and oh my god it’s so good to see Jensen’s face again. He tells Bobby that he’s not useless and Bobby says “okay, good talk” and tries to flee but Dean won’t let him. He tells Bobby that he’s family and him and Sam don’t have much left. Whatever, there’s a branch in my eye.
K: SAME.
Samantha: Dean says that he needs Bobby so he can’t check out.
Bobby says okay and thanks. Dean gets up and goes back to his burger before deciding to toss it out. Because he is heart conscious now, yo. Or at least for the last two minutes of this episode he is.
So this is a mostly fun episode. I like all the Bobby feels and I chucked a lot. It’s pretty much a middle of the pack episode.
K: For me, this episode doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I mean, it’s fun. But at the end of the day, they spend all this time hunting down the witch that’s killing people only to…let him go and just move on with their lives, hoping he’s learnt his lesson by his girlfriend dying??? Sense made: zero. At least we got to make some Hamilton jokes though. So…there’s that.
Next time on Supernatural: Sam and Dean get trapped in TV land in S05 E08 – Changing Channels.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
