Previously: Sam and Dean found themselves at the first ever Supernatural convention, and a lot of fan service ensued.
—
Abandon All Hope…
Kirsti: In the process of setting up this post, I realised which episode this is, and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE. DO NOT WANT. Can we just skip ahead and pretend this one doesn’t happen?? No?
Well, fuck. Let’s raid the Supernatural drinks fridge and do this thing.
Samantha: Oh my god, I started drinking a full 24 hours before in preparation. NO PLEASE.
K: We open with a middle-aged dude in a limo pulling up under a freeway interchange. He buries a box in the dirt. “Mr Pendleton, I presume?” comes a British voice from behind him. He turns around and it’s MARK SHEPPARD!! Mark Sheppard is in at least one episode of basically every show I’ve ever loved. Supernatural. The X-Files. Sliders. Charmed. Doctor Who. Firefly. Sadly, not Buffy. But we can’t have it all. (S: He’s the Jack of All Shows.) (K: A+)
Anyway, Mark Sheppard introduces himself as Crowley. Mr Pendleton is surprised because he was dealing with a young hot girl in regards to bailing his bank out of financial difficulty, and she said the deal had to be sealed with a kiss. Crowley says he always handles the high rollers himself. Mr Pendleton is all “EW I CAN’T KISS A MAN, THAT’S ICKY”. Crowley counts down, and Pendleton relents. Castiel watches them kiss from behind a nearby pylon, which the Zoomy Cameraman LOVES:
Samantha: Shit, Zoomy Camerman. Are you gunning for a raise?
K: Clearly.
“Got him,” Cas says into his phone.
BLOOOOOOOOOOD.
After the Not Credits, Cas tells Dean that Crowley’s in the middle of making a deal. Dean eyerolls a little over Cas’ wording, then tells him not to lose Crowley. Cas is all “AS IF”. Meanwhile, Pendleton walks homophobically back to his limo, and Crowley smarms that he’ll see him in ten years. He walks away, then vanishes. Cas follows, and reports to Dean that it’s not far away but he can’t get in because it’s warded against angels. Dean says they’ll take care of it from here. We watch the Bromobile speed off.
Inside his mansion, Crowley makes himself a drink, and watches some film footage of Hitler with a fond smile. (S: I’d forgotten about this detail. I feel extra gross.) Outside, a young woman in a skimpy dress walks up to the gate and hits the buzzer. She says her car broke down and she needs help. A guard says he’ll be down in a minute. She turns, and it’s Jo!! I remember screaming excitedly at my TV screen when this aired, because I always had a secret dream of the boys teaming up with Jo, Ellen and Bobby to drive around the country, hunting out of a mini-van. (S: JOOOOO!!!!!!! MY LOVE FOR THESE TWO LADIES IS INFINITE!)
The gate creaks open, and Jo walks towards the approaching guards. She asks if she can make a call, and the guards leer. One grabs her shoulder, his eyes turning black. She flattens him. Sam appears and stabs both guards through the neck. Dean compliments Jo on her work. She grabs a pair of wire cutters from a bag and they head towards the house.
Inside, the power cuts out and Crowley smiles. “So. The Hardy Boys finally found me. Took you long enough,” he snarks when he sees the boys waiting for him, weapons drawn. He walks towards them, then sees that the rug is rumpled. The boys get joint “Well, shit” faces. He peeks underneath and there’s a Devil’s Trap sprayed on the underside. He’s a little pissed because the rug was expensive. (S: What is this, season 1? Straighten the rug boys.)
The boys are grabbed from behind by more demon minions. Crowley pulls out the Colt and aims at Dean, but then quickly shoots the two demon minions. Dean’s all “THE FUCK??” Crowley says they need to talk alone. He leads them to his study, and tells them the only reason they even know that the Colt exists is because he made sure they did. Sam wants to know why. Crowley aims the Colt at Dean again and says he wants them to take it and go murder Lucifer’s face off.
The boys are all “?!?!?!?!”. Crowley sasses at them because he’s hilarious. (S: Dean’s total ineptitude at a comeback is the best.)
Crowley says it’s about survival. Because Lucifer isn’t a demon. He’s an angel who hates humanity. And if he hates humanity, imagine what he thinks of demons. Sam points out that Lucifer created demons, and Crowley glares that demons are just his cannon fodder-y servants. He wants things to go back to the way they were. He waves the gun at them, and Sam hesitantly reaches out to take it.
Samantha: It’s interesting, this whole “not all the demons are Team Lucifer” thing because his reasons are actually pretty legit. It was a nice small twist in the narrative of Lucifer.
K: Very true.
Crowley informs them that Lucifer has an appointment in Missouri on Thursday. Sam points the gun at Crowley and pulls the trigger. It clicks, and Sam looks surprised. Crowley’s all “Ohhh, right. Bullets!” He walks over to his desk as the boys ask what his plan is if they fail. It boils down to “hide” with a side of “DON’T FUCKING FAIL”. He throws something at Dean, who catches it. He opens it to find bullets for the Colt inside. When the boys look up, Crowley’s vanished.
Cut to Bobby’s house and a row of shot glasses. Jo watches in amusement as Ellen and Castiel have a drinking competition. Cas drains all five shot glasses in about 20 seconds. He sits for a second, then says “I think I’m starting to feel something!“.
Dean points out that Sam can’t possibly come with them, because if they lose, they’ll be handing Lucifer’s vessel over to him on a silver platter. Sam says he’s going anyway because the plot demands it. Dean says it’s a stupid idea, but what the hell. Then he looks over at Jo and the drinking competition. “Boy, talk about stupid ideas,” Sam says. Dean agrees, but his attention is on Jo‘s ass. He heads over to her, and points out that it might be their last night on earth. She’s all “SERIOUSLY??”
Dean pleads ignorance on the terrible pick up line, and then asks if it would have worked, had it actually been a pick up line. Which is totally was. Jo leans in close, her lips a fraction away from Dean’s. Then she pulls away with a laugh and says “No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on earth, then I’m going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect.” And you ask me why I adore Jo Harvelle. (S: Yessssssssss. All of this is too good, I love seeing little slices of normalcy.)
Bobby calls everyone into the next room for a photo. Everyone grumbles about it, but Bobby says he wants something to remember them all by. They laugh and joke as they get into position and wait for the timer to go off. Castiel adds “Bobby’s right. Tomorrow we hunt the devil. This is our last night on earth.” Their smiles vanish, and the camera flashes. We’re treated to a copy of the photo – Dean’s doing some ridiculous Blue Steel thing, as you would expect – before we fade to black.
Samantha: Would it be weird to print out this photo and hang it on my wall?
K: Maybe a little.
After the Not Commercial Break, we’re in Carthage. There’s no one in sight. The gang roll into town, and the boys inform us that there’s no phone reception. They tell Ellen, Jo and Cas to try and find someone while they head to the police station. The boys drive off. Cas informs Ellen and Jo that the town isn’t empty. We see things from his perspective for a second as he says that the whole town is full of Reapers.
All the Reapers are standing silently, staring in one direction. Cas is uneasy about this, saying that Reapers only gather en masse in times of great catastrophe, like Pompeii, or the San Francisco quake. He excuses himself to find out why they’re here. Jo and Ellen watch him walk down the seemingly empty road. We follow Cas as he walks through the crowds of Reapers. Suddenly, he sees one standing in a window, staring at him. It turns and walks away. He pops into the hallway and tentatively follows. “Hello, brother,” says a voice. There’s a bright flash of light.
Cut to Ellen and Jo driving through town. They locate the boys, who enter-nouce that the police station was empty. Ellen and Jo confirm that the entire town is deserted. They fill the boys in on Cas going after the Reapers and the boys freak a little, about the Reapers AND Cas.
Cut back to Cas. He’s in a Basement of Don’t Go In There, trapped in a circle of holy fire. Lucifer walks towards him, asking if he’s with the Winchesters. Cas insists he came alone. Lucifer asks what it’s like riding in a car, and Cas looks around the room like he’s being Punk’d before saying “Um. Slow. Confining.” Lucifer looks disgusted.
He steps into the light and we see for the first time that he has lesions on his face. Apparently his vessel isn’t standing up to possession. Cas snaps that he won’t let Lucifer take Sam. Lucifer’s confused because he rebelled and was kicked out of Heaven, just like Cas. They should be on the same side. Cas says he’ll die before that happens. Lucifer says “I suppose you will.”
Out on the street, the gang walk through town, guns drawn. Dean’s freaking out that they’ve lost his bae “the angel up our sleeve“. (S: One of my favorite lines for whatever reason.) Just then a voice calls out from behind them. They turn to see Meg 2.0 standing there. (S: God, I love this incarnation of Meg.)
Dean points the Colt at her. She smirks that she’s not alone. There’s a growl, and a puddle splashes. “Hellhounds…” Dean says, fear spreading across his face.
Samantha: This continuity here makes me the happiest and the saddest. Dean would absolutely have a PTSD-like fear of Hellhounds. It gives me feels. Like I needed any extra.
K: It should be illegal to give us extra feels when there’s endless feels coming up.
Meg smirks some more as there are more growls and splashing puddles. More Hellhounds. Meg says they can do it the easy way – come with her to see her father – or the really really hard way. Dean glances behind him, and Ellen nods. “When have you ever known us to make anything easy?” he snaps. He shifts his aim slightly, and shoots the Hellhound by Meg’s side. There’s a splash of black blood and a whine. They run for it.
Dean’s knocked down by a Hellhound. Jo realises and turns back for him. She shoots the Hellhound off his back, and keeps shooting until it’s knocked into a rubbish bin. But she’s tackled by another Hellhound. Ellen screams as it tears into Jo’s side. Sam starts shooting. Dean scoops Jo up and they run for a hardware store, Sam covering their backs.
Anyone need a drink top up? Just me? (S: Not just you, I am literally currently crying.)
Jo groans in pain as Dean lays her on the ground. Sam chains the doors shut, then Ellen rushes to Jo’s side as the boys rip open bags of road salt and line the doors and windows. Ellen peels Jo’s hand off her wound, which gushes blood. They all stare in horror as we fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Jo’s got a bandage around her middle, but she’s still groaning with every breath. Ellen’s crouched next to her, telling her that she’ll be fine. Sam awkwardly hands Ellen a bowl of hot water, then heads over to Dean, who’s keeping clear and fiddling with something electronic. He says they’re safe for now, but Sam thinks they’re trapped. Dean says this is their one chance at taking out Meg’s father, Lucifer. Um. I thought Azazel was Meg’s father????? Didn’t we established that in season 1??? And now she’s referring to Lucifer as her father??? Does…does this mean Lucifer and Azazel were a couple?! I have a lot of questions right now.
Samantha: I mean, I always took it as Lucifer is their father in the way God is the father, more of a symbolic thing. Saying that, Azazel and Lucifer as a couple is probably my new head canon.
K: YOU’RE WELCOME.
Anyway.
Dean gets his electronic gizmo working just as Ellen asks for Sam’s help. Cut to Bobby frantically phoning the boys and getting an out of service message. He swears a little. Then he hears a crackle from the next room. He wheels himself in there, and uncovers an old CB radio. Somehow, Dean is radioing Bobby from half way across the country. But hey. When has reality ever come into this show?! (S: Because it’s this episode, I’m willing to let it slide.) Dean says they’ve got problems. Bobby sighs in relief when he hears Dean’s voice, and says that’s why he’s there.
We cut between the hardware store and Bobby’s house as they talk. Dean’s voice breaks and he tears up as he tells Bobby that Jo’s looking pretty bad. Bobby forces him back on topic, asking what they need to do next. Dean pulls himself together and fills Bobby in.
Shortly thereafter, Bobby’s asking for details. More specifically, how many reapers Cas saw. Dean has no idea. Ellen comes over, her hands covered in blood, and says that Cas didn’t say, but based on how he was looking around, at least a dozen, probably more. Bobby’s all “Well, SHIT”. Dean’s worried. Bobby informs him that it sounds like Lucifer’s in town to do a ritual. One that will free Death.
Dean’s all “?!?!?!” because he’s died a bunch of times already. He actually says “Hell, I’ve died several times myself,” and all I can think of is this:
Bobby infodumps that Death – as in the Four Horsemen – is the angel of death, the biggest baddest Reaper of all. They keep him in a box six hundred feet underground, and the last time he was top side, Noah built an ark. (S: Interesting. Hmmmm. I’m having Seeing the Future Thoughts.) (K: They’re the worst.)
Dean gets teary again and pissily asks if he’s got any other good news. Bobby closes the Bible he’s been consulting and turns to a history book. He says that this was the last piece of the puzzle for him, because apparently Death can only be freed at midnight in “a place of awful carnage“, and Carthage was home to a Civil War battle so bad the soldiers called it “the Battle of Hellhole“. He tells Dean where the battle happened. (S: It appears this is actual historical fact.)
Basement of Don’t Go In There. Meg joins the party to say that the Winchesters are pinned down. She wants to know what to do with them next. Lucifer tells her to leave them alone, and she’s all “Skkkrrrt, WHAT??”. He cradles her face in his hands and says everything happens for a reason. Cas studies the pipes on the ceiling, then glares at Lucifer.
Hardware store. Ellen tends to Jo some more while the boys discuss plans. They know where Lucifer’s going to be and when he’s going to be there. Now they just have to get past eight Hellhounds and reach the battlefield by midnight. Dean says they have to get Ellen and Jo out of town first. Sam turns to go and find stuff to make a stretcher for Jo.
But Jo interrupts them. She tearfully says they need to be realistic about their priorities. She can’t move her legs, and her intestines are falling out. She’s not going anywhere. (S: oh god.)
Ellen tears up in horror. JPad acts with his nostrils. Dean looks broken. Jo tells him there’s no other way. The Hellhounds have their scent and will never stop coming after them. Her plan is to open the doors. Then she’ll sit with her finger on the button until the boys and Ellen are on the roof. Then she’ll blow herself and the Hellhounds to pieces. Or at least give her family a head start.
Ellen tearfully says “No, I – I won’t let you.” Jo points out that this is why they’re here. They have to take their shot at Lucifer. Ellen breaks down. Jo says that this is probably her last chance to treat Jo as an adult, and she should probably take it. They both smile tearfully. “You heard her. Get to work,” Ellen sobs. (S: I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t.)
The boys spring into action and start assembling bombs. That night, it’s all rigged up. Sam holds Jo’s hand as Dean finishing wiring up the button. Sam moves away as Dean crouches down next to Jo. He tells her he’ll see her on the other side, and she tears up. “Probably sooner than later…” he finishes. “Make it later,” she replies tearfully.
They stare at each other for a moment, then Dean quickly kisses her on the lips and leans his forehead against hers. “Okay,” he whispers as he pulls himself away.
Samantha: I’m going to vomit. This little moment between the two of them. Weeping.
K: Jo cries as Ellen sits down next to her. They smile at each other for a second, then Ellen gives a little shake of her head. “Mom, no,” Jo says. Ellen points out that someone has to open the door, and Jo can’t move. She says that Jo’s right, this is important. But she’s not going to leave Jo on her own. She tells the boys to get going in a total “I’m your surrogate mother, do as I say” voice. (S: Make it stooooooooop.)
They reluctantly head towards the back door, and Ellen calls Dean’s name. He turns back. “Kick it in the ass. Don’t miss,” she says. He gives a little nod. The boys leave and my feels break. Boys gone, Ellen walks over to the door and unchains it. Then she sweeps away the salt line, and turns on the propane tanks before sitting down next to Jo and hugging her close. “I will always love you,” she says. Jo’s breathing gets rougher. The Hellhounds growl outside.
Ellen glances away towards the noise of the Hellhounds, then looks back at Jo. Jo’s stopped moving. Ellen shakes her a little, but there’s no reaction. She’s dead. Ellen starts sobbing, then kisses Jo’s head. “That’s my good girl,” she says, tears running down her face just like they’re running down mine. The doors bang open as the Hellhounds head into the store. (S: Oh help oh no.)
Cut to the boys running across the fire escape to the next building. Back to the store. The Hellhounds knock things off the shelves as they get closer, allowing Ellen to track their progress. She reaches for the button in Jo’s hand. A Hellhound huffs, and Ellen’s hair moves. She forces a grin, and says “You can go straight back to Hell, you ugly bitch“. Then she pushes Jo’s finger onto the button. The shop explodes. Across the street, the boys watch in horror. Dean tears up briefly before they make a run for it.
K: AGREED.
Cut to the boys sneaking through the woods to the battlefield. They look at each other, and decide that they’re okay without sharing last words or manpain. That’s a first. Sam walks into a clearing (which is full of hypnotised civilians), shotgun raised, and calls out to Lucifer. Lucifer’s digging a hole. That may be the most random sentence I’ve ever written for this website. It doesn’t help that literally all I can think of is this:
#australianproblems. (If you’ve never seen The Castle, do yourself a favour and watch The Castle. Especially if you want any chance of ever understanding Australians…) (S: *makes a note*)
Anyway, Lucifer is offended by the presence of the gun because he’d never ever hurt Sam. The Colt appears next to Lucifer’s head, and Dean says “Yeah? Well, I’d hurt you,” through gritted teeth. It reminds me a bit of how my little brother screamed a lot as a baby, and so 2 Year Old Kirsti used to lay on top of him and hiss “THERE, THERE, LITTLE MAN” at him through gritted teeth because he was super loud and annoying and took attention away from me. I’m not entirely sure he’s forgiven me for it…
ANYSEGUE.
Dean pulls the trigger, and Lucifer drops to the ground, a dirty great bullet hole in his forehead. The boys look at each other in shock, all “We did it????”. But no. Lucifer gasps and yells “OW!“. He stands up with a groan. He asks Dean where he got the Colt from, but doesn’t wait for an answer. He smacks Dean across the clearing and into a tree. “Now, where were we?” he says to Sam. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Sam looks terrified. Lucifer says that there are only five things in existence that the Colt can’t kill, and he’s one of them. (S: Still neeeed to know what they all areeeee.) He keeps digging his hole. Sam rushes over to Dean and checks his pulse. Lucifer suggests that Sam just say yes now, rather than in six months in Detroit. Sam yells that it’s never going to happen, and that he’s going to tear Lucifer’s heart out himself.
Lucifer keeps digging, and tells Sam to keep on raging because he’s going to need that rage when he takes over Sam’s body. Sam looks around at the civilians, who are still just standing there, and asks what the deal is. Lucifer says they’re all demons. Apparently Horsemen are suuuuuuuper demanding, so he killed all the women and children first (and buried them in his hole), now he’s left with the men. (S: Oooof.)
He continues, saying that he has to do this and Sam should totally understand. Because he’s a little brother who idolised his big brother only to have his big brother call him a freak for being different. Just like Sam. He turns his attention back to his ritual, and Sam scurries back to Dean’s side, who’s coming to.
Lucifer starts chanting, then turns to his demons. It’s a repeat after me situation: “We offer up our lives, blood, souls, to complete this tribute.” One by one, the demons drop down dead. Lucifer watches with a smile. Sam looks horrified. “What? They’re just demons,” Lucifer says.
Basement of Don’t Go In There. One bolt in the overhead pipe spins. Meg gloats about how they’re going to win and the demons will take over Heaven. Cas smirks that Crowley says differently and demons are just a means to an end for Lucifer. Meg snaps that he’s wrong and super jealous because her god walks on earth and his is missing. The last bolt drops free, and Cas uses his power to yank the pipe from the wall. It slams into Meg’s back, knocking her into the circle of fire with Cas.
He slams a hand down on her forehead, but nothing happens. She laughs at him, and calls him an “impotent sap” who’s cut off from his angel juice. “I can do this,” he replies. He leans in like he’s going to kiss her, then throws her down into the fire and walks across her back to freedom as she screams.
Across town, the earth shakes as Lucifer stands over his hole of dead folks. Cas appears next to the terrified looking Winchesters, and puts a finger to his lips. Lucifer turns around to see the boys have vanished. But he’s not particularly fussed. “Well hello, Death,” he says. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, we’re back at Bobby’s. The shot glasses from Ellen and Cas’ drinking competition are still on the table. The TV talks about tornado warnings for a bunch of places around Carthage. Bobby and the boys are gathered around the fireplace. Bobby stares at the photo taken at the end of act one, then throws it into the fire. All three of them watch as it burns and the Tinkly Piano Tinkles. Fade to black. (S: Don’t burn it why would you burn it god this still upsets me.)
I…have very mixed feelings about this episode. On the one hand, it introduces us to Crowley, who’s definitely one of my favourite recurring characters. And it finally has Lucifer DO something after introducing him in the first episode of the season and then having him just be a Big Bad Threat for ten episodes. And it gives me a hell of a lot of Capital F Feels, which is increasingly rare where this show is concerned (especially recapping it).
But.
Did we REALLY have to kill off Jo AND Ellen? Did we really have to do it in such a way that we don’t actually get time to mourn them because Now It’s Time to Confront the Big Bad? Did we really have to watch Ellen see her daughter die seconds before having to blow herself up? Was it really necessary to have Cas throw Meg into fire and walk over her as she screams? I’m just saying, it would have been nice to have at least ONE female character in the episode who didn’t scream at some point…
And it would have been great to NOT KILL TWO RECURRING FEMALE CHARACTERS AT ONCE. Sigh.
Samantha: I….wow I can’t really add much. I agree with literally everything Kirsti said. The killing of Ellen and Jo, two of the best and most developed female characters this how has, is RIDICULOUSLY uncool. Especially (she tries to say vaguely) when you look at all the male characters who get to keep coming back. Just. Cosign to Kirsti.
This episode is aptly named, every time you can just feel the “oh….no” sense of hopelessness.
Next time on Supernatural: The boys pay a little visit to the mental hospital in Supernatural S05 E11 – Sam, Interrupted.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
