Previously: A whole bunch of dead people came back to life in Bobby’s home town, and it was all an evil plot to get rid of Bobby. Which failed, obviously.
—
Dark Side of the Moon
Kirsti: The previouslies is basically a montage of the boys dying a million times, followed by a reminder that the Samulet and its God-finding powers are a thing, so clearly we’re in for tons of fun.
We open at the Motel of the Week. Dean’s face down in the pillow, surrounded by empty beer cans. He wakes to find two balaclava-wearing guys pointing guns at him and Sam. Sam looks freaked. Dean’s all “Must be Tuesday” about it. The guys do the typical villain here’s-my-motive-ing (Dean started the Apocalypse, Sam’s a freak blah blah whatever), and Dean realises that he knows them – the guys are hunters. Sam tries to explain, but gets shot in the chest for his trouble.
Sam falls back, dead. Dean looks suuuuper pissed. The two guys debate whether or not they should kill Dean as well, and come to the conclusion that they should because a) he knows who they are, and b) they just killed his brother. “You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Dean Winchester’s on your ass?” one asks. Dean’s all “Yeah, fucking shoot me, asshole! But I’mma be back, and I’ll be veeeeeeery cranky.” We’re treated to a dramatic zoom glare-off, and then one of the hunters pulls the trigger. The shot throws us into:
BLOOOOOOOOOOD!
Samantha: I looooooove this opening. It’s just so badass Dean. He knows that he doesn’t have to worry about dying so he can just focus on the rage. Even other hunters know that Dean Winchester in the biggest badass and Dean’s rage glare upon Sammy being killed gives me giddy chills. His saying, “But I’m gonna warn you. When I come back, Imma be pissed,” is everything and all the kudos to Jensen and okay I’m done fangirling now.
K: Never be done fangirling.
After the Not Credits, Dean wakes up in the Bromobile to the strains of Dylan singing Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door. It’s dark, and there are no cars around. He gets out and the boot slams shut. He turns to see Teen!Sam, carrying a box of fireworks. Teen!Sam asks if Dean has his lighter, and they stand together setting off fireworks. Dean realises that this is one of his memories – Independence Day, 1996.
Teen!Sam grins and says “Dad would never let us do anything like this. Thanks, Dean. This is great!” He hugs his brother excitedly, and Dean looks super feelsy. Teen!Sam sets off the rest of the fireworks, and they stand there, grinning happily and OH GOD I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THE BOYS ACTUALLY BEING HAPPY.
Samantha: I’m crying, okay? I cry just thinking about this scene. Dean’s heaven is just making his little brother happy. #BrotherFeels
K: Dammit. Now I’m wondering how much of this was a good memory because Dean was happy and how much was because Sam was happy. Waaaaaaaaah.
But it can’t last. The bangs of the fireworks give Dean a flashback of being murdered. Once he realises, he’s alone. He screams for his brother, but there’s no answer.
Dean heads back to the Bromobile looking confused. The radio crackles, then Cas’ voice comes through. Dean’s all “Dude, stay out of my dreams because sometimes I dream about making out with you“, and Cas is all “Uh, yeah, you’re not dreaming.” Dean remembers again, and realises that he’s dead. He asks where he is, and Cas tells him he’s in Heaven. After some initial “WTF??”, Dean demands to know where Sam is. Cas tells him to follow the road he’s on, and it will lead him to Sam. The radio dies. Dean starts the car and drives off into the night.
Cut to him pulling up at a nice Victorian house. Inside, a man is carving a turkey and questioning a very awkward looking Sam, who says he’s just moved to town. A pre-teen girl with braces smiles and squeezes Sam’s leg under the table. He jumps. Dean walks in and smirks about everything that’s happening. In the next room, he fills Sam in about the whole Heaven thing, and Sam’s all “How the fuck did *I* get to Heaven?!” Good question, bud. Meanwhile, Dean’s pissed that Heaven isn’t just non-stop kinky sex.
He realises that this is one of his memories, and suggests that maybe Heaven is a place where you relive your best moments. Dean teases him about this particular memory, and Sam says it was his first real Thanksgiving. Dean pooh-poohs him, and Sam points out that Thanksgiving for them was a little different: “We had a bucket of extra crispy, and Dad passed out on the couch.” Ow, my feelings.
Samantha: Double time feels because I think Dean honestly remembers that as a good time. As their happy family Thanksgiving. And he doesn’t want Sam to take that away from him, which is more of an early seasons conflict that is interesting to see here.
K: Excellent point.
Just then, the house starts to shake. The family carries on eating Thanksgiving dinner like nothing’s happened, but the boys freak. They hide as a bright white light streams in the windows, and things smash around them. Then it all stops. Dean rushes over to the radio and starts calling out to Cas. Sam thinks his brother’s lost it. Cas appears in the TV instead. He tells them to stay out of the light, because that’s Zachariah searching for them. They can’t say yes to Michael or Lucifer from Heaven, so Zachariah wants to zap them back into their bodies.
Sam thinks that’s a great plan. Cas snaps that it’s not. He tells them they have the perfect opportunity to find an angel named Joshua, who talks to God. Sam’s all “Cool story, do it yourself” and Cas pissily reminds him that he can’t get back to Heaven. So they have to do it for him, because it would super handy to know what God’s been saying. All they have to do to find Joshua is follow the road. Cas fades out again, and Dean says they should get going. Sam’s shocked that Dean’s going along with this plan because he’s not on board with the whole God’s Chosen One thing. Dean says that prayer is the last hope of a desperate man, so it’s worth a shot.
They head outside, and stop dead, because the road and fields have vanished. Now, the house is in Forks dense forest. They head back inside, and Dean starts looking around, including in the cupboard under the stairs. It’s very Harry Potter. Then Sam says “You think the road is in a closet?!” in this disbelieving tone, and I snort laugh because the road may not be, but Dean sure is.
Dean looks around the closet, then has a moment of surprise. He crouches down, because there’s a Scalextric track on the floor. He says that he used to have one as a kid. He picks up the car, and as he places it on the track, the shot changes. Suddenly, Dean’s wearing sneakers instead of boots, and his leather jacket’s gone. Also, they’re in a different house, but whatevs.
“THAT was the road?” Sam says in surprise. They look around the room – a little boy’s bedroom – and Sam fights to keep a straight face when he realises that Dean’s now wearing a t-shirt that says “I Wuv Hugz” and has a teddy bear on the front of it. Dean pissily tells him to shut up. Then he realises where they are: “We’re home,” he says. Just then, Mary sticks her head round the door and asks Dean if he’s hungry. Both the boys stare at her in wonder. Fade to black. (S: Wow, I forgot how much I would be crying this episode.)
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean’s in the kitchen. Mary pours him a glass of milk and cuts the crusts off his PB&J. Sam sad pandas because Mary can’t see him. He says they should keep moving, but Dean begs for a couple more minutes. The phone rings, and Mary answers. It’s John. They argue. Dean says he remembers this – they fought all the time, then John moved out for a while. Sam’s shocked because Papa Winchester always told them his marriage was perfect. Dean says sadly that he didn’t start saying that until she was dead. Mary hangs up, looking teary.
Samantha: This is so interesting and important. Fucking John Winchester. Put his marriage right up on a pedestal, which is not how Mary would have wanted it remembered, based on what we’ve seen of her. Also, the whole cupid thing forcing these two together. Is the magic wearing off? Is it really not as powerful as it seemed in the Valentine’s Horror episode? You can’t just drop that kind of bomb and literally never pick it up again.
K: SERIOUSLY!! So many questions, so much John Winchester hate.
Dean walks over and hugs her. “It’s okay, Mom,” he says. “Dad still loves you. I love you, too. I’ll never leave you.” Ow, my feelings.
They search the house, and Sam finds a postcard for Route 66 that he recognises. They’re transported to a shitty looking room. Sam’s instantly ecstatic, and calls out to “Bones.” A golden retriever comes running in, and Dean’s all “The fuck is that?” Sam greets the dog enthusiastically – legit, dude – and says that Bones was his dog. Dean looks cranky-thoughtful for a second, then asks if they’re in Flagstaff. Sam confirms that they are.
Dean’s horrified that this is a happy memory for Sam. Sam says he was on his own for two weeks, eating junk food, and he had a dog, so yeah. Awesome. Dean snaps that Sam ran away on his watch, and he looked everywhere. “And when Dad came home…” he trails off and turns away, looking upset. Sam looks guilty, and says he’d never thought about it like that. Dean storms out. Sam pats Bones some more, then reluctantly follows.
They’re thrown suddenly from day to night, and find themselves standing in front of a shitty shack. They’re both all “The fuck is this place?”, then Dean realises it’s the night that Sam left for Stanford. He’s hurt that it would be a happy memory for Sam because it was basically the worst night of his life. Sam’s all “Uh, duh? I got away from our psychotic abusive father?” Dean points out that Sam didn’t just leave Papa Winchester behind. All of Sam’s Heaven moments so far have involved bailing on his family in some way.
Sam says that he doesn’t think of family the same way Dean does, because he never got the crusts cut off his PB&J. Dean points out that he’s Sam’s family, and they’re supposed to be a team. It’s meant to be the two of them against the world. Sam insists that it is.
Samantha: I know it’s not entirely fair to be mad at Sam but the teenage Samantha inside doesn’t care about fair. It hurts me that Dean’s happy memories are all about making Sammy happy or being with his family. All of Sam’s memories are about getting away from Dean and John. Sam never realized how, in his legit quest to get away from his stupid father, he wounded the big brother who adored him. And it hurts.
K: SO MUCH.
Zachariah materialises and smarmily snarks about their terrible plan to escape from him. He snaps his fingers, and it’s suddenly day time. He says he just wants to send them back to Earth, but that maybe there’ll be a lot of torture first. The boys wait until his back is turned, then start running again. But Zachariah pops up in front of them. They turn and run the other way.
They find themselves face to face with a dude wearing a Lucha libre mask and a gold cape. They’re all “………..??” He tells them to follow him. It’s better than Zachariah, so they do. He leads them to a little shack, and scribbles something that looks like circular Gallifreyan on the door before opening it. He leads them inside, and they’re suddenly in a darkened bar.
Lucha Libre pulls off his mask and cape, and IT’S ASH!!!!!! I may have cried with joy a little when this first aired. “Buenos dias, bitches!” he says. He claps his hands, and the lights come on. The boys look around in shock as they realise that they’re at Ellen’s roadhouse. Ow, my feelings. TOO SOON, SHOW. TOO SOON. Fade to black. (S: I’m cheering and crying all at the same time!!!! How exciting!!!!!)
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean’s a little wistful about being back at the roadhouse. Ash offers them a beer, and says they’ll be safe for a bit because they’re now in HIS Heaven rather than theirs, so it’ll take Zachariah a while to catch up. Sam’s all “YOUR Heaven?”. Ash informs them that there isn’t just one Heaven. “It’s more like a buttload of places all crammed together.” Basically, everyone gets their own, but some people – like soulmates or the Winchesters – get to share. The Garden – where Cas wants them to go to find Joshua – is at the centre of everything.
Ash says that most people can’t leave their own Heaven, but he’s got wicked skills and has been all over. He even made an angelic police scanner to let him eavesdrop on the angels. He heard them babbling about the boys, and figured he had to come find them. Again. The boys are all “Again?!?!”, and Ash eyerolls that they don’t remember. “You boys die more than anyone I’ve ever met.” No kidding.
Sometime later, Sam and Ash geek out over Ash’s angel police scanner while Dean catches up with Pamela. She’s over the fact that he’s responsible for her death, because he was right when he told her she’d be going someplace better. He remains unconvinced, because being locked all alone in your happy memories on an endless loop doesn’t sound awesome. It sounds super lonely. She points out that it’s better than Hell. He reluctantly agrees.
Then Pamela says that she knows about the whole Michael situation. She asks what the worst case scenario is if Dean says yes. He snaps that lots of people will die. She points out that they’ll come to Heaven, which is super awesomesauce.
S: What? I’m sorry, I thought you said Groffsauce.
K: The Snark Ladies: cramming in Hamilton references wherever we can since 2015.
Just then, Sam shouts out that they’ve found a short cut to the Garden. Ash draws some symbols on the door and warns the boys that the angels are going to be watching every path into the garden. Pamela hugs Sam goodbye. Dean goes in for a hug, but she kisses him instead. Dean’s all “…okay?” Ash says that he’ll probably see them again soon because of how they’re always dying and all, then opens the door for them. They walk through it.
On the other side, they find themselves back home in Lawrence. It’s dark, and they wonder why they’re there. Mary appears, wearing the nightie she wore on the night she died. She asks why Dean’s up, and if he had a nightmare. He has no time for her, and says that he’s very sorry but she’s not real and they need to go. She asks if he’d like to talk about her nightmare instead – the night she died. Dean turns back in shock, and watches as the front of her nightie turns dark with blood.
He shakily says to Sam that they should get out of there. “I never loved you,” Mary says. “You were my burden.” Dean looks hurt. She snaps that she was shackled to him. “Look where it got me,” she says. She blinks and her eyes turn yellow. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the lights all glow green and Mary smiles creepily. She says that the worst part about her death was the smell. She thought she’d left a pot roast burning until she realised it was her. But the best part was that she was away from Dean. He frantically searches for an exit. Mary smirks that everyone leaves him – Mary, John, Sam – and points out that he’s the common thread. (S: Dean, baby, don’t listen.)
She grins evilly and Zachariah appears. Sam realises that he’s the one behind this entire scene, and Zachariah’s all “DUH”. Angelic goons appear and grab hold of the boys. Zachariah implies that he’s boinking Mary, and the boys look like they might hurl.
Samantha: Back in 2010 this was the moment I became ENRAGED with Zachariah. This was the moment I wanted him to die bloody.
K: Zachariah snaps his fingers again and Mary vanishes. Zachariah moves on to the physical pain part of the evening, punching Dean in the gut a few times.
He snaps that he was on the fast track to success until he got saddled with them. Now, everyone in Heaven laughs at him because he couldn’t deal with a couple of flannel wearing rednecks. He says that they picked literally the worst possible person to make an enemy of, because they made it personal. “Lucifer may be strong, but I’m…petty,” he hisses.
“Excuse me, sir?” comes a voice from behind Zachariah. He turns around to see a short, mild-mannered, middle aged black guy standing there. Mr. Mild Mannered insists that he needs to speak to the Winchesters. Like, now. Zachariah’s all “LOL NOPE”, but Mr. Mild Mannered says it’s on the boss’ orders. Zachariah gives zero fucks until Mr. Mild Mannered says “you know how he is with that whole…wrath…thing.” Zachariah and his goons poof away, leaving the boys looking confused.
Suddenly, they’re in a garden. Sam’s all “……….Heaven’s garden looks like this?”. Dean politely says that it’s nice. Mr. Mild Mannered smiles and says that people see what they want. For them, it’s the Cleveland Botanical Gardens, where they once went on a fieldtrip. (S: !! I live in a suburb of Cleveland! The boys’ heaven garden is my city mwahahaha!) Dean realises that Mr. Mild Mannered is Joshua. Sam says that they need to speak to God. Joshua tells them that God’s on earth on account of sometimes he gets lonely. God, he says, has basically gone off the radar completely, apart from communicating with Joshua.
Dean’s disgusted. Sam says they need to get a message to God, and asks if Joshua can help. Joshua’s all “NOPE” and says that God has a message for them: “Back off“. Oof. He goes on to say that God knows everything that’s happening and thinks he’s intervened enough – putting them on the plane, bringing Cas back, letting them into Heaven. He’s done, and they won’t be able to find him, even with the Samulet.
“But he can stop it,” Dean says. Joshua’s all “Sure. But he won’t.” Dean gets emotional, and declares God to be “Just another deadbeat dad with a bunch of excuses.” He’s used to that. Joshua basically reads Dean’s mind, saying that he’s losing faith in himself and Sam and their ability to win. Sam realises just how much Dean should probably be in therapy and on anti-depressants. (S: Sad lol.)
Sam chimes in to suggest that Joshua’s lying. Joshua smiles that he’s on their side, and he wishes he could do more. Then he tells them that it’s time to go back. This time, he says, will be different. Because this time? God wants them to remember. He raises a hand, and the boys squint as they’re bathed in a bright white light. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, the boys wake in the Motel of the Week, covered in blood and gasping for breath. Sam asks Dean if he’s alright. “Define alright…” he says before pulling out his phone. Sometime later, Cas leans sadly against the wall as the boys pack up their stuff. He suggests that maybe Joshua was lying, but Sam says apologetically that he wasn’t. Cas looks up towards Heaven, and says “You son of a bitch. I believed in…“. He trails off.
Then he pulls the Samulet from his pocket and tosses it back to Dean, saying that it’s worthless and he doesn’t need it any more. Dean looks thoughtful. Cas poofs away. Sam insists that he and Dean can find another way. Dean looks skeptical. He grabs his stuff and heads to the door. Then he pauses, and very dramatically drops the Samulet in the rubbish bin before walking out.
Sam sighs sadly, and we fade to black.
I have mixed feelings about this episode. I loved getting to see Ash and Pamela again. I love Dean’s first happy memory of him and Sam and the fireworks. I liked that we finally got a “Hey, here’s what Heaven is like” thing. And obviously, this episode gave me a hell of a lot of feelings. But at the same time, it’s like they couldn’t stand to give Dean even ONE SECOND of happiness, and instead he had to get saddled with a million things that made his existing depression even worse. And how DARE you throw out the Samulet??? Totally uncalled for, dude. So yeah. “Ow, my feelings” is an excellent summary for this episode…
Samantha: THE SAMULET. The shows treatment of the Samulet is one of those other things I’ll probably never get over, you know? Ever. Even with the bandaid that they applied in the 200th episode. I love/hate this episode too. Also, I can’t remember, do we ever see or hear about Dean going after the hunters from the beginning? In my head canon he punches them both in their faces.
K: Head canon accepted.
Next time on Supernatural: The boys are saved from a demon attack thanks to a pastor’s daughter who has angelic visions but isn’t what she seems in S05 E17 – 99 Problems.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
